Why You're Fighting Over Costco Receipts (And What It Really Means): Healing Relational Patterns with Monica Tanner.

Wow, this conversation completely shifted how I think about marriage and relationships. You know how we're always told that marriage is all about compromise? Well, what if I told you that's actually terrible advice and it's been keeping you stuck? Today I'm speaking with Monica Tanner, an incredible  Relational Life Therapy trained Relationship Coach who literally wrote the book on Bad Marriage Advice (and yes, that's the actual title!), and she absolutely blew my mind. We dove deep into why so much of the traditional wisdom we've been taught about relationships is actually sabotaging our happiness. And what hit me hardest: was how we've been sold the idea that marriage or any successful long term relationship is all about compromise, but that compromise actually makes us start to silently keep score of who gave up what. So Monica introduces this beautiful concept of collaboration instead of compromise. It's about getting what she calls compassionately curious about what matters to you AND what matters to your partner, and WHY, and then using that to create something even better together. We also talked about how we can approach extended family dynamics as the holidays approach, you know that feeling of dread mixed with excitement? That pull back into old family dynamics and the stress so many of us feel at a time of year that's meant to be joyful? Monica helped me understand why that happens and, more importantly, how to navigate it without losing yourself or your relationship in the process. But what's really stayed with me was this idea that our inner children are often running the show in our relationships. All those adaptations and coping mechanisms we created as kids to survive? They're still playing out in our relationships as adults, our communication patterns, our fights over things like Costco receipts (yes, we went there!). But the beautiful part is that once we understand this, we can start to heal and make different choices and begin to shift the patterns that have kept us stuck. This conversation reminded me that nothing has gone wrong when relationships feels hard, it's just that it's time to grow. So if you've been feeling stuck, or like you’re more roommates than lovers, if you're navigating those tricky family dynamics or just wondering how to communicate without everything turning into a battle, this episode is for you. My intention for this episode is that is supports you to navigate the coming holidays and festive season with less stress, and relational triggers, and with more ease and grace. Enjoy.  === GUEST LINKS: OFFER: https://badmarriageadvice.com Website: https://monicatanner.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/monitalksmarriage . === •Website: https://www.vilates.com/ •FREE RESOURCE Massage Meditation: www.vilates.com/free-breast-massage-meditation •Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vilates_/ •Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3fs2KlkHNzICKAg2crZSMB •Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-ecology-of-intimacy-podcast/id1772602980 === . . . . Disclaimer This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, medical practitioner, professional coach, psychotherapist, or any other qualified professional. We shall in no event be held liable to any party for any reason arising directly or indirectly for the use or interpretation of the information presented in this podcast. Copyright 2025 © Vilates, Pty. Ltd - All rights reserved.