Wonderful Capacity. Terrible Default Setting.

I am a coiner of aphorismsOne of my favorites is:“Wonderful capacity. Terrible default setting.”The first time I used it was counseling my nephew about a job interviewHis capacity to inflate himself would come in handyBut be perilous if it was all he brought to the conversationI knew, as I said it, it was going to stickAnd I’ve returned to it again and againEmpathy is a wonderful capacityAs a default setting, we get lost in others’ experience.Drive is a wonderful capacityAs a default setting, it bypasses satisfaction and leads to burnoutRecognizing our own faults is a wonderful capacityBut as a default setting it is grueling and self-erodingWe’re naturally multidimensionalAnd it is a disservice to ourselves and others to rely on a single mode of being.No matter how well we think it works for usCross-training is an excellent physical example we would do well to apply more broadlyWhen my daughter injured her ACL and the doctors recommended surgeryA gifted physical therapist told us:“The way she moves is centered on her strengths, which led to the injury.Get the surgery without changing the pattern, she’ll have the same problem againWhat she needs is strength and flexibility through her full range of motion”She had been playing to her strengthsAnd who could blame her for that default settingBut without fully tended foundationsThose strengths were going to collapseAnd so we postponed the surgery to develop her capacityAnd she never needed the surgeryIn fact, instead of being on the injured list that seasonShe ended up winning conference honors.With “strength and flexibility through the full range of motion”Rotating our capacities as appropriateBecomes our default settingResponsive to the momentHarnessing the fullness of what we’ve done beforeTo apply it in a responsive and sometimes new wayThis isn’t just a physical idealIt applies broadly to our livesIt doesn’t diminish our strengthsIt supports them, and makes them sustainable, and gives us rangeWhen our focus becomes too narrow, too repetitive, too defaultImportant things are left to atrophyReducing the ground that supports usEven if we really enjoy relying on our favorite strategies(they’re so comforting)(Hollywood loves a good formula)But life is a broader spectrumAnd every moment asks me to meet it anewEven if I’ve gotten into a habit of responding as if today were a repeat of yesterdayAnd I want to repeat the trick that got the most applauseI mean, it’s a wonderful capacity, but a terrible default settingAnd as I notice how many subtle defaults I employ every dayI’m trying to appreciate them, and invite them backstageTo the raucous afterpartyWhere I never know what is going to happen next.Whatever happens next, I’d love for you to join me in this exploration of bringing our whole selves to participate in life This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com