Worry & Regret

I don’t have a lot of specific, major regretsHaving married the wrong person, taken a meaningful wrong turnI mean, I’ve made plenty of odd or suboptimal decisionsThere are plenty of things I’ve said I wish I had crafted more intentionally to land more beneficiallyBut I’ve softened my approach through my mistakesAnd while it doesn’t erase the errors, it does parlay them into something contributorySo regret isn’t something that bogs me down tremendouslyI am curious about what would have happened if I had made different choices, thoughI just finished Matt Haig’s “The Midnight Library” for the second timeWhich proposes a space between life and death where you can join the life of the version of you that made a different choiceAt any choice pointThe first book you encounter is the book of regretsTo give you a jumping off point to look at what you may want to have changedThen, the consciousness you know as you lands in a body of a version of you that made different choicesIt’s a quick and pleasant readVery life positive, including the nitty gritty hard partsAnd offers a reflective invitationThat has me looking back at my lifeAnd my most accessible regret is‘I wish I hadn’t worried so much when life was happening”I know the feeling of worry has dampened the light that was availableWith all my practices, I do ok, but there was a LOT of unnecessary worry in thereAnd while I can’t do anything to change how it wasI can let how it was inform how much I let anxiety in nowAnd I notice anxiety has a very specific physical signature in meI take on a posture where my head comes forward, chin upMy shoulders curve inwardThe small of my back roundsIf I interrupt that pattern when I recognize itIt stops the trainAnd if I begin shifting my posture with what I know about deep alignmentI can spend several minutes completely removed from the original worry as I explore my body organizationAdd a few breaths, and it’s a different person encountering the worryA person who knows how to put it downOr at least not give it carte blancheAnd a person curious about how energy is moving (or not) through my physical structureAnd that is better than must-see-TV (a phrase I don’t believe represents a truth)But, I guess I’m lucky that I find the subtle sensations of posture and energy fascinatingIn this version of my life at leastAnd when I bring my attention to the present and how my body is organizedI think I’m unwinding old tensions that I allowed to accumulate and literally shape meI’m not only relaxed and willing to becomeI’m setting myself up to reduce my recurring regret of, “I wish I hadn’t worried so much”Even when there’s a lot to worry aboutReplacing it with awareness, curiosity, receptivityRegret, worry, and anxiety have much less stickiness here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit fallingtenderly.substack.com