（英语）原谅是给自己的礼物｜回忆录第十二集｜EP.1845

《原谅，是给自己的礼物》“Forgiveness Is a Gift to Yourself” Forgiveness doesn’t change the past, but it frees the future. “原谅不能改变过去，但能让未来自由。” Growing up, this memory was undeniably the most painful chapter of my life, and it deeply shaped the person I am today. 在我成长的过程中，这段记忆无疑是最痛苦的，也深深塑造了今日的我。 In junior high, I was an outstanding student, almost always ranking first in the entire school. Yet, I didn’t get into my dream school—Kaohsiung Girls’ Senior High. I eventually chose Fengshan High School and passed the exam to enter the gifted English program. 国中时，我的成绩优异，几乎总是全校第一。然而，我却未能如愿考上第一志愿——高雄女中。最终，我选择了凤山高中，并通过考试进入英语资优班。 Those days were wonderful. Each of my classmates had their own unique personality, and the cheerful atmosphere helped me open up in ways I rarely had before. I finally had more time to study the English I loved, and we had a humorous, open-minded homeroom teacher—Gilian. 那段日子是如此美好，班上的同学各具特色，乐观开朗的氛围也让我开始展现自己较少流露的一面。我能花更多时间学习最热爱的英语，还有一位幽默开明的班导师——Gilian。 She cared deeply for us. She even invited the whole class to her wedding and organized a trip from Kaohsiung to Taipei to visit universities—an experience that broadened my world. 她不仅用心指导我们，还带全班参加她的婚礼，甚至组织我们从高雄到台北的大学参观，开拓视野。 In that class, I became inseparable friends with Jenny. She was lively and outgoing—the center of attention—while I was more introverted, yet I tried my best to be close to her, learning confidence through her. 在这个班级里，我和佳欣成了无话不谈的好友。她个性活泼开朗，是班上的焦点人物，而我则较为内向，但仍努力靠近她，试着学习她的自信与魅力。 Through her, I met Zack, the class president next door. Tall and delicate-looking, he stood out instantly—and he was the boy Jenny had a crush on. 也因为她，我认识了隔壁班的班长——宇哲。他高挑清秀，第一眼就能吸引目光，也是佳欣暗恋的对象。 As time passed, I came to learn about his life. His mother had passed away when he was young, leaving his father to raise him and his sister alone. 随着相处时间增长，我也逐渐了解了宇哲的故事。他的母亲在他小时候便过世了，父亲独自抚养他和妹妹。 Despite his hardships, he remained disciplined and hardworking, always ranking near the top. I admired him deeply, and we gradually became friends who shared everything. 尽管如此，他仍然自律勤奋，成绩名列前茅，从未让家人担心。我对这样坚强的他充满敬佩，也渐渐与他成了无话不谈的朋友。 Coincidentally, our birthdays were only eleven days apart. On his birthday, Jenny and I celebrated with him. For mine, I didn’t expect much, yet he still gave me a gift—a baseball cap, unwrapped, placed on the floor outside my classroom. 巧合的是，我们的生日同在同一个月份，仅相差11天。宇哲生日那天，我和佳欣特地为他庆祝。而当我的生日到来时，他给了我一顶没有包装、放在教室门口地上的棒球帽。 I didn’t think much of it at the time—boys weren’t always thoughtful. But a few days later, he posted an article on the school’s online forum, calling me “vain,” even claiming that no one in class liked me. 当时我不以为意，心想男孩总是不如女孩细心，却没想到，几天后，他竟在学校的电子论坛上发文，指名道姓地说我“爱慕虚荣”，还写道班上的同学都不喜欢我。 As my eyes moved across those cold, merciless words, my heartbeat grew heavy. I couldn’t believe that in the eyes of someone I trusted, I had become that kind of person. 当我滑动滑鼠，视线落在那些冰冷而残忍的字眼上，心跳逐渐加快。我无法相信，在我所重视的同学眼中，我竟成了这样的人。 The hurt and humiliation swallowed me whole. 那一刻，委屈与羞辱交织，将我吞没。 I spiraled into self-doubt. Every day after school, I would hide in the bathroom and cry under the sound of running water. 从那天起，我陷入深深的自我怀疑，每天郁郁寡欢。回家后，我的固定行程变成了躲进浴室，在水流的掩护下哭泣。 This lasted until one day, our teacher said in class, “If anyone feels uncomfortable here, you may apply to transfer.” 这样的日子持续了许久，直到某天，Lilian老师在课堂上说：“如果有同学觉得不适应，可以申请转班。” It was like seeing an escape route from my pain. 那一刻，我仿佛看见了逃离痛苦的出口。 I immediately called my father. I expected him to question me or persuade me to stay, but he simply said, “As long as you’re happy.” 下课后，我立刻拨电话给爸爸，本以为他会细问原因或劝我留下，然而他只是平静地说：“只要妳开心就好。” The next day, I submitted the transfer form, closing that chapter of darkness. 隔天，我便递交了转班申请，正式为这段阴影画上句点。 This was not the first time I had experienced social hurt growing up. I was ignored by friends in elementary school, again in junior high—psychological wounds I didn’t recognize as “bullying” until later. 这次的事件并非我在求学阶段首次遭遇的人际挑战。小学和国中，我都曾被要好的同学突然当成空气，这些心理创伤直到多年后才被我意识到其实也是一种“霸凌”。 From these experiences, I learned one thing: “The best revenge is becoming a better version of yourself.” 那时的我感到无助，也深深受伤，但我学到了一个重要的道理——“最好的复仇方式，就是活出更好的自己。” So when this happened again, I chose growth. I devoured books on personal development—especially Dale Carnegie’sHow to Win Friends and Influence People. 因此，当这次的事情发生时，我选择成长。我开始阅读大量心理成长类书籍，其中卡内基的《如何赢得友谊与影响他人》对我影响最深。