You Are Not Your Partner's Mother, Sponsor, or Dumping Ground: Boundaries and Trusting Your Gut with Rhyll Croshaw (Rise Season 2, Episode 17)

You Are Not Your Partner's Mother, Sponsor, or Dumping Ground: Boundaries and Trusting Your Gut with Rhyll Croshaw (Rise Season 2, Episode 17) In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined by Rhyll Croshaw, a pioneer in betrayal trauma recovery, author of "What Can I Do About Me?",and co-founder of the SA Lifeline Foundation and SAL12step.org.  Rhyll brings decades of lived experience, professional insight, and grounded wisdom to a conversation that speaks directly to one of the most confusing and painful parts of recovery after betrayal: How do I hold boundaries and learn to trust myself again when I’ve been conditioned to doubt my gut? In this episode, Rhyll shares her story of 53 years of marriage and insights learned from 32 years of betrayal trauma recovery work, including: what happens when betrayed partners find themselves over-functioning in relationships—becoming the emotional regulator, caretaker, or unintended “dumping ground” for their partner’s emotions, recovery work, or instability. At the heart of this conversation is a powerful truth: You are not your partner’s mother. You are not their sponsor. You are not their emotional dumping ground. And learning this boundary distinction is a critical part of healing. In This Episode, We Explore: Why betrayed partners often lose trust in their own intuition and gut instincts How external voices (partner, sponsor, family, culture) can override internal knowing The emotional cost of becoming the “dumping ground” in a relationship Why boundaries are not rejection—they are role clarification The difference between supporting someone and over-functioning for them What it means to practice compassionate detaching How to recognize when you are carrying emotions that are not yours to hold Why trusting your gut is a recovery skill, not an automatic ability Key Takeaways: Your gut is not broken—it has been drowned out by survival and confusion Boundaries are about identity, roles, and emotional safety You cannot be someone’s partner, parent, and sponsor all at once Compassion does not require emotional over-responsibility Healing includes learning to say: “This is not mine to carry.” Powerful Themes in This Episode: Trusting Your Gut After betrayal, intuition often becomes clouded by fear, doubt, and conflicting messages. Relearning to listen to yourself is central to recovery. Boundaries as Role Clarity Boundaries are not punishment or withdrawal—they define what is and is not yours to hold in a relationship. Compassionate Detaching Detaching does not mean abandoning love. It means staying connected to yourself while releasing responsibility for what belongs to another adult. Emotional Over-Responsibility Many betrayed partners unconsciously become emotional caretakers for their spouse’s recovery or regulation—at great personal cost. Memorable Quotes & Concepts: “You are not your partner’s sponsor, mother, or dumping ground.” “Boundaries aren’t rejection—they’re role correction.” “Your gut still speaks, but too many voices have been louder than it.” “Detaching with compassion means I care—but I don’t carry what isn’t mine.” Hope & Healing Reminder: Recovery is not just about understanding betrayal—it is about reclaiming yourself. Learning to trust your gut, hold boundaries, and step out of over-responsibility is not selfish. It is foundational to healing, clarity, and emotional safety. Resources & References: What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Croshaw Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke SA Lifeline Foundation https://salifeline.org SAL 12 Step https://sal12step.org The Recovery Puzzle  Recovery Circles Model Rise online companion course  Boundary Basics online course Human Intimacy online courses - communication, relationships, The Intimacy Repair Method GABIS - the Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey - Contribute to our Resarch!  Share This Episode If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who may be: second-guessing their intuition carrying emotional responsibility that isn’t theirs learning to set or hold boundaries after betrayal