A Day at a Time Reflections

The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches us that only one consideration should qualify our desire to completely disclose the damage we've done. And that's where a full revelation would seriously harm the one to whom we're making amends - or, just as important, others close to that person. We can hardly unload a detailed account of extramarital misadventures, for example, on the shoulders of an unsuspecting wife or husband. When we fearlessly make the burdens of others heavier, such actions surely can't lighten our own burden. Sometimes, in that sense, "telling all" may be almost a self-indulgence for us. So in making amends, we should be tactful, sensible, considerate, and humble-without being servile. As a child of God, do I stand on my feet and not crawl before anyone? Today I Pray … May God show me that self-hatred has no role in making amends to others. Neither has the play-acting of self-indulgence. I ask most humbly for my Higher Power's guidance as I strive to maintain a mature balance in interpersonal relations, even in the most casual or fragile ones. Today I Will Remember … Making amends is mending. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

I believe today that I have a right to make spiritual progress. I have a right to be emotionally mature. I have a right to take pleasure in my own company, and that makes me more pleasant to be with. I also have a right to become willing - deeply willing, entirely willing to make amends to all those I've harmed. Because I can now accept myself the way I am, I can accept other people the way they are not entirely, but to a much greater degree than in the past. Have I begun to make friends with God, and thus with myself? Today I Pray … May God show me that it's okay to like myself, even while trying to repair old wrongs and rebuild from splinters. May I keep telling myself that I am different now. I have changed. I am a better and wiser and healthier person. I have made some good choices. As this "new person," may I find it easier to make atonements for what happened long ago and in another spiritual place. May those I have wronged also find it easier to accept my amends. Today I Will Remember … It's okay to like myself. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Readiness to take the full consequences of our past acts, and to take responsibility for the well-being of others at the same time, is the very spirit of Step Nine. A casual apology, on the one hand, will rarely suffice in making amends to one we have harmed; a true change of attitude, in contrast, can do wonders to make up for past unkindnesses. If I've deprived anyone of any material thing, I'll acknowledge the debt and pay it as soon as I'm able. Will I swallow my pride and make the first overtures toward reconciliation? Today I Pray … God, show me the best ways to make "direct amends." Sometimes simply admitting my mistakes may make it up to someone and unload my own simmering guilt. Other times restitution may take some creative thought. May I be wholly aware that I cannot take this Ninth Step unless I develop some caring, some real concern about how others feel, along with changes in my behavior. Today I Will Remember … First I care, then I apologize. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

The Ninth Step of the Gamblers Anonymous Program is: "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." To make restitution for the wrongs we've done can be extremely difficult, to say the least; if nothing else, it deflates our egos and batters our pride. Yet that in itself is a reward, and such restitution can bring still greater rewards. When we go to a person and say we're sorry, the reaction is almost invariably positive. Courage is required, to be sure, but the results more than justify the action. Have I done my best to make all the restitution possible? Today I Pray … May I count on my Higher Power to stop me if I start to crawl out from under my Ninth Step responsibility. May I feel that blessed, liberating wash of relief that goes with saying, out loud, to someone I have harmed, "I was wrong. I made mistakes. I am honestly sorry." May I not worry about cracking that brittle, cover-up crust of my ego, because the inside will be more mature. Today I Will Remember … Restitution is blessed. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Learning how to live in peace and partnership with all men and women-is a fascinating and often very moving adventure. But each of us in Gamblers Anonymous has found that we're not able to make much headway in our new adventure of living until we first take the time to make an accurate and unsparing survey of the human wreck age we've left in our wake. Have I made a list of persons I have harmed, as Step Eight suggests, and become willing to make amends to them all? Today I Pray … May God give me the honesty I need, not only to look inside myself and discover what is really there, but to see the ways that my sick and irresponsible behavior has affected those around me. May I understand that my addiction is not - as I used to think - a loner's disease, that, no matter how alone I felt, my lies and fabrications spread out around me in widening circles of hurt. Today I Will Remember … Lies spread to infinity. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Somewhere along the line, as we become more involved in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, we reach a sharp awareness of the growth - value of honesty and candor. When this happens, one of the first things we're able to admit is that our past behavior has been far from sane or even reasonable. As soon as we can make this admission - without shame or embarrassment - we find still another dimension of freedom. In my gradual recovery, am I expectant that life will become ever richer and ever more serene? Today I Pray … May I know, even as I take that mighty First Step, which may be the first really honest move I have made in a long time, that honesty takes practice. My old, deluded, head-tripping self is as different from the honest self that I must become as night is from day. May I realize that it will take more than just one grey dawn to change me. Today I Will Remember … Honesty takes practice. Available here → A Day at a Time Gamblers Anonymous and https://www.hazelden.org/store/item/329?A-Day-at-A-Time-Gamblers-Anonymous-Hardcover

I don't believe that the Gamblers Anonymous Program and the Twelve Steps work because I read it in a book, or because I hear other people say so. I believe it because I see other people recovering and because I know that I, too, am recovering. No longer do I believe that I am "helpless and hopeless." When I see the change in other people and in myself, I know that the Program works. When a television reporter once asked the philosopher Jung if he believed in God, Jung replied slowly, "I don't believe. I know." Do I know that the Program works? Today I Pray … Show me the happy endings, the mended lives, the reconstituted selves, the rebuilt bridges, so I will not have to accept on faith the fact that the Program works. May I see it working for others and for me. May I be grateful for the documented reality of the Program's success. May this certainty help me find the faith I need to follow the Twelve Steps. Today I Will Remember … The Gamblers Anonymous Program works. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Many of us have had difficulty ridding ourselves of the ravages of guilt. During the early days in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, I either misunderstood certain of the Steps, or tried to apply them too quickly and too eagerly. The result was that I increased my feelings of guilt and worthlessness, rather than freeing myself as the Steps intend. Soon, though, I became at least willing to forgive myself, and I made a new beginning. I undertook all the soul searching and cleansing Steps in our Program as they were intended to be taken, and not from a below-ground position of crippling hate and guilt. Have I made amends to myself? Today I Pray … May I forgive myself, as God has forgiven me. May I know that if I am hanging on to an old satchel full of guilt, then I am not following the example God has shown me. If my Higher Power, who has demonstrated forgiveness by leading me to this healing place, can forgive me, then so can I. May I not begrudge myself what God has so generously offered. Today I Will Remember … God forgives. So must I. Available here → A Day at a Time Gamblers Anonymous and https://www.hazelden.org/store/item/329?A-Day-at-A-Time-Gamblers-Anonymous-Hardcover

Guilt is a cunning weapon in the armory of the compulsive gambler. We can use the weapon against ourselves in many subtle ways; it can be deftly wielded, for example, in an attempt to convince us that the Gamblers Anonymous Program doesn't really work. I have to protect myself constantly against guilt and self-accusations concerning my past. If necessary, I must constantly "re-forgive" myself, accepting myself as a mixture of good as well as bad. Am I striving for spiritual progress? Or will I settle for nothing less than the human impossibility of spiritual perfection? Today I Pray … May I look inside myself now and then for any slow-burning, leftover guilt that can, when I'm unwary, damage my purpose. May I stop kicking myself and pointing out my own imperfections - all those lesser qualities which detract from the ideal and "perfect" me. May I no longer try to be unreachably, inhumanly perfect, but just spiritually whole. Today I Will Remember … I am human - part good, part not-so-good. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

When I least expect it, my keen addictive mind will try to divert me back toward my old ideas and old ways. My mind is expert, in fact, at planting and nourishing negative feelings within me-feelings such as envy, fear, anxiety, or guilt. The minute I spot any of these poisonous feelings rising up, I have to deal with them. If not, the more I think about them, the stronger they'll get; the stronger they get, the more I'll think about them-to the point of obsession. When negative feelings arise, do I "name them, claim them, and dump them"? Today I Pray …I should know-and may I never forget that a sure way to let my feelings get the best of me is to pretend they aren't there. Like spoiled offspring, they act up when they are ignored. But also like offspring, they are here, they are mine, and I am responsible for them. May I learn to pay attention to my feelings, even if sometimes I would rather make believe they didn't belong to me. Today I Will Remember … Name them, claim them, dump them. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Some of us, new in Gamblers Anonymous, couldn't resist telling anyone who would listen just how "terrible" we were. Just as we often exaggerated our modest accomplishments by pride, so we exaggerated our defects through guilt. Racing about and "confessing all," we somehow considered the widespread exposure of our sins to be true humility, considering it a great spiritual asset. Only as we grew in the Program did we realize that our theatrics and storytelling were merely forms of exhibitionism. And with that realization came the beginning of a certain amount of humility, mert Am I starting to become aware that I'm not so important, after all? Today I Pray … May I learn that there is a chasm of difference between real humility and the dramatic self-put-down. May I be confronted if I unconsciously demand center-stage to out do and out-risk others with my gambling stories. May I be cautious that the accounts of my addictive misdeeds do not take on the epic grandeur of heroic exploits. May I avoid the bordering on prideful "game-ologue." Today I Will Remember … I will not star in my own "game-ologue." A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

A friend in Gamblers Anonymous taught me to look at excessive guilt in an entirely new way, suggesting that guilt was nothing but a sort of reverse pride. A decent regret for what has happened is fine, he said. But guilt, no. I've since learned that condemning ourselves for mistakes we've made is just as bad as condemning others for theirs. We're not really equipped to make judgments, even of ourselves. Do I still sometimes "beat myself to death" when I appear to be failing? Today I Pray … May I be wary of keeping my guilty role alive long after I should have left it behind. May I know the difference between regret and guilt. May I recognize that long-term guilt may imply an exaggerated idea of my own importance, as well as present self-righteousness. May God alone be my judge. Today I Will Remember … Guilt may be pride in reverse. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Few of us are entirely free from a sense of guilt. We may feel guilty for things we've said or done-of things we've left unsaid or undone. We're so used to that gnawing guilt that even when we're accused falsely we still feel guilty. When I'm troubled by naggings of guilt, obviously I can't put into my day all the energy I'm capable of. So I must rid myself of guilt-not by pushing it aside or ignoring it, but by identifying it and correcting the cause. Have I finally begun to learn to "Keep It Simple?" Today I Pray … Since guilt is such a familiar feeling for a compulsive gambler, may I learn to understand when my feelings are simply natural regret at what has happened and when I am taking on a pose of perpetual guilt. I count on God to help me sort out and get rid of these twinges and pangs of guilt, which need to be recognized and unloaded. Today I Will Remember … The verdict of guilty is not for life. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

STEP 6 - Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed. Some of our Character Defects: Anger Arrogance Anxiety Bigotry Conceit Condemnation of Others Dishonesty Egotism False Pride Fear Frustration Hatred Impatience Inadequacy Intolerance Jealousy Laziness Profanity Procrastination Remorse Resentment Revenge Selfishness Self-Pity Self-Seeking Worry Housecleaning is not easy, especially when the dirt has been building up for so long. Most compulsive gamblers slither through life hiding from themselves and now strive to remove the mask so that one can see oneself. In Step Four, we discovered many wrongs and after this discovery, strived to bring these wrongs to the surface. In Step Five, we admitted and discussed these defects with someone else. The relief was magnificent. For the first time in a long time, one can feel as though one is no longer playing catch up. You will feel as though you could make it if you practiced the program and asked for and accepted the help of your Higher Power. In Step Six, these defects of character must be worked on and eliminated, if you want the best chance possible to arrest this illness. We're told that character defects and negative emotions are really disturbances to serenity. Strive for serenity and see that very little upsets you in this goal. In the old days, everything was disturbing. Now, our awareness will prevent us from going back into the old way of life. Your actual list of character defects is the best place to start. Based on your new found knowledge of yourself, select the one with which to start. One is all that you can handle at a time. If you pick your worst defect, any success will certainly help as you work on the others. Be willing to move slowly and steadily and realize that every human being has character defects, but retaining yours may lead you back to gam bling. You shouldn't subject yourself to these disturbances of serenity because you will place undue burden on your recovery. At first, you may feel comfortable with some of these defects and are fearful about parting with them. But you will, given time, see the need for change and realize that these old enemies must go. Get A Day at a Time here → https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

Adjusting myself to things as they are, and being able to love without trying to interfere with or control anyone else, however close to me that's one of the important things I search for and can find in Gamblers Anonymous. The learning is sometimes painful; however, the reward is life itself-full and serene. Is the Program helping restore me to a sane and reasonable way of thinking, so I can handle my interpersonal relationships with love and understanding? Today I Pray … May I respect those that I love enough to set them free to stop controlling, manipulating, scheming, bailing them out of trouble. May I love them enough to let them make their own mistakes and take responsibility for them. May I learn to let go. Today I Will Remember … Loving is letting go. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches me that not too many people can truthfully assert that they love everybody. Most of us have to admit that we've loved only a few, and that we've been quite indifferent to many. As for the rest, well, we've really disliked or hated them. We in Gamblers Anonymous find we need something much better than this in order to keep our balance. The idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the many, and can continue to fear or hate anyone at all, has to be abandoned if only a little at a time. At meetings, do I concentrate on the message rather than the messenger? Today I Pray … May I understand that there is no place in my recovery from compulsive gambling or in my entire life-for toxic hatred or lackadaisical indifference. One of the most important positive ideas that I must carry with me is that all humans, as the children of God, make up a loving brother- and sisterhood. May I find it hard to hate a brother or sister. Today I Will Remember … Hear the message. Don't judge the messenger. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Acceptance is a key. Too often I was unable to accept who I was, and therefore it was impossible to accept others. Before coming to Gamblers Anonymous, I hid from the truth because I was afraid of it. Now with the help of my GA brothers and sisters, I can walk through it. Today I actually find comfort in knowing the truth. I'm trying to go in the right direction and that's enough for me. Do I accept who I was, with all my shortcomings, and who I am trying to be? Today I Pray … God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the past with its miseries and restlessness, and the burdens that are left over from my gambling days. May my acceptance of things past be a basis for building a new life-a life I not only accept, but celebrate. Today I Will Remember … Acceptance is a key to recovery. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image," wrote Thomas Merton. "Otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." As I replace my self-destructive addiction with a healthy dependence on the Gamblers Anonymous Program and its Twelve Steps, I'm finding that the barriers of silence and hatred are melting away. By accepting each other as we are, we have learned again to love. Do I care enough about others in the GA Program to continue working with them as long as necessary? Today I Pray … May I be selfless enough to love people as they are, not as I want them to be, as they mirror my image or feed my ego. May I slow down in my eagerness to love-now that I am capable of feeling love again and ask myself if I really love someone or only that someone's idea of me. May I remove the "self" from my loving. Today I Will Remember … Love is unconditional. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

In the process of learning to love myself and, in turn, to love others freely with no strings attached, I've begun to understand these words of St. Augustine: "Love slays what we have been, that we may be what we were not." More and more, I feel the enormous power of such love in the Gamblers Anonymous Program; for me, the words "we care" also mean "we love." Just for today, will I try to be loving in every thought and action? Today I Pray … I pray that I may feel the enormity and the power of the love I find in Gamblers Anonymous. May my own caring be added to that great energy of love that belongs to all of us. May I care with my whole heart that my fellow members maintain their abstinence from gambling and are learning to live with it comfortably and creatively. May I never doubt that they care the same way about me. Today I Will Remember … Caring makes it happen. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Slowly, but surely, I'm becoming able to accept other people's faults as well as their virtues. The Gamblers Anonymous Program is teaching me to "always love the best in others and never fear their worst." This is hardly an easy transition from my old way of thinking, but I'm beginning to see that all people-including me are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong. Am I approaching true tolerance? Am I beginning to see what real love actually means? Today I Pray … May God give me tolerance for any shortcomings or sick symptoms or insensitivities of others, so that I can love the qualities that are good in them. May God instruct me in the truest meaning of love-which must also include patience. May I not overlook the faults of those I love, but may I try to understand them. Today I Will Remember … Love is understanding. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Giving love is a fulfillment in itself. It must not matter whether love is returned or not. If I give love only to get a response on my terms, my love is canceled out by my motives. If I have the capacity to give love, then any return I get for it is a special bonus. It is through giving love, freely and without expectation of return, that we find ourselves and build ourselves spiritually. Have I begun to believe, in the words of Goethe, that "Love does not dominate; it cultivates..."? Today I Pray … May I, the inveterate people-pleaser and approval-seeker, know that the only real love does not ask for love back. May God be patient as I try to practice this principle. May I rid myself of pride that throws itself in the way of love. May I discard my silly cat-and-mouse games that have no place in real love. Today I Will Remember … I will not give love to get love. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Since I've been in Gamblers Anonymous, I've learned to redefine love. I've come to understand, for example, that sometimes it's necessary to place love ahead of indiscriminate "factual honesty." No longer, under the guise of "perfect honesty," can I cruelly and unnecessarily hurt others. Today, I must always ask myself, "What's the best and most loving thing I can do?" Have I begun to sow the seeds of love in my daily living? Today I Pray … May God's love show me how to be loving. May I first sense the feelings of love and caring within me and then find ways to show those feelings. May I remember how many times I cut myself off from relationships because I did not know how either to let myself feel love or to show what I did feel. Today I Will Remember … When I feel love, I will be loving. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

When we first reached Gamblers Anonymous and for the first time in our lives stood among people who seemed to understand, the sense of belonging was exhilarating. We felt that the problem of isolation had been solved. We soon discovered however, that while we weren't alone anymore in a social sense, we still suffered many of the old pangs of anxious apartness. Until we had talked with complete candor of our conflicts and had listened to someone else do the same thing, we still didn't belong. Step Five was the answer. Have I found through my Fifth Step the beginning of true kinship with my fellows and God? Today I Pray … May God help me learn to share myself, my attributes and my failings, not just as I take the Fifth Step but in a continuing give-and-take process with my friends. May I cultivate an attitude of openness and honesty with others, now that I have begun to be honest with myself. May I remember who I used to be - the child in a game of hide-and-seek, who hid so well that nobody could find her or him and everyone gave up trying and went home. Today I Will Remember … I will be open to friendship. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

We've all had times when we felt alienated, when it seemed we had nowhere to turn and no one to turn to. When we don't know which way to turn, when there seems to be no one to help us, even then we're not alone or without help; the presence of God is always with us. When we need strength or courage or comfort, God is there with us as the help we need. Even before we turn to God, His love reaches out to us; His loving Spirit in us hears our cry and answers us. Do I truly believe that I no longer need to be alone? Today I Pray … May I never be alone, even in a place by myself, if I take time to talk to my Higher Power. May God be my companion, my joy, my ever-present help in trouble. May the knowledge of that constant presence fill me with calm, so that I will not fear either the solitude of my own room or alienation in a roomful of people. Today I Will Remember … Listen for the presence of God. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

When I have only myself to talk to, the conversation gets sort of one-sided. Trying to talk myself out of a "small wager" or "just one hand" is like trying self-hypnosis. It simply doesn't work; most of the time, it's about as effective as trying to talk myself out of a case of flu. When my heart is heavy and my resistance low, I can always find some comfort in sharing with a true and understanding friend in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. Do I know who my friends are? Today I Pray … May I be convinced that, as part of God's master plan, we were put here to help each other. May I be as open about asking for help as I am ready to give it, no matter how long I have been in the Program. May the experiences of countless others be enough to prove to me that "talking myself out of it" seldom works, that the mutual bolstering that comes from sharing with a friend usually does. Today I Will Remember … When I ask for help, I am helping. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

I know today that I no longer have to proceed on my own. I've learned that it's safer, more sensible, and surer to move forward with friends who are going in the same direction as I. None of us need feel shame at using help, since we all help each other. It's no more a sign of weakness to use help in recovering from my addiction than it is to use a crutch if I have a broken leg. To those who need it, and to those who see its usefulness, a crutch is a beautiful thing. Do I sometimes still refuse to accept easily obtained assistance? Today I Pray … God make me see that it is not a sign of weakness to ask for help, that the camaraderie of the group is what makes it work for each of us. Like a vaccine for diphtheria or polio, the Gamblers Anonymous Program and the strength of the group have proved themselves as preventives for slips and backsliding. Praise God for the tools of recovery. Today I Will Remember … Help is as near as my telephone. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

When we're new in Gamblers Anonymous, we're novices at reaching out for friendship - or even accepting it when it's offered. Sometimes we're not quite sure how to do it or, indeed, whether it will actually work. Gradually, however, we become restored; we become teachable. We learn, for example, as Moliére wrote, "The more we love our friends, the less we flatter them." Just for today, will I reach out if I need a friend? Today I Pray … May God help me to discover what true friendship is. In my new relationships, I pray that I may not be so eager for approval that I will let myself be dishonest - through flattery, half-truths, false cheeriness, protective white lies.  Today I Will Remember … A friend is honest.  A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Getting over years of suspicion and other self-protective mechanisms can hardly be an overnight process. We've become thoroughly conditioned to feeling and acting misunderstood and unloved-whether we really were or not. Some of us may need time and practice to break out of our shell and the seemingly comfortable familiarity of solitude. Even though we begin to believe and know we're no longer alone, we tend to sometimes feel and act in the old ways.  Am I taking it easy? Am I learning to wear the Gamblers Anonymous Program and life like a loose garment? Am I taking it easy? Am I learning to wear the Gamblers Anonymous Program and life like a loose garment? Today I Pray … May I expect no sudden, total reversal of all my old traits. My abstinence from gam bling is just a beginning. May I realize that the symptoms of my compulsion will wear off gradually. If I slip back, now and then, into my old self-pity bag or my grandiosity, may I not be discouraged, but grateful. At last, I can face myself honestly and not let my delusions get the best of me. Today I Will Remember … Easy does it.  A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

When newcomers to Gamblers Anonymous experience the first startling feeling that they're truly among friends, they also wonder-with almost a sense of terror-if the feeling is real. Will it last? Those of us who've been in the Program a few years can assure any newcomer at a meeting that it is very real indeed, and that it does last. It's not just another false start, nor just a temporary burst of gladness to be followed, inevitably, by shattering disappointment. Am I convinced that I can have a genuine and enduring recovery from the loneliness of my compulsive gambling? Today I Pray … Please, God, let me not be held back by my fear of recurring loneliness. May know that the openness that warms me in this group will not suddenly close up and leave me out. May I be patient with my fear, which is swollen with past disappointments and losses. May I know that the fellowship of the group will, in time, convince me that loneliness is never incurable. Today I Will Remember … Loneliness is curable.  A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

When I first listened to people in Gamblers Anonymous talking freely and honestly about themselves, I was stunned. Their stories of their own gambling escapades, of their own secret fears, and of their own gnawing loneliness were literally mind-blowing for me. I discovered and hardly dared believe it at first-that I'm not alone, I'm not all that different from everybody else and, in fact, we're all very much the same. I began to sense that I do belong somewhere, and my loneliness began to leave me. Do I try to give others what has been given freely to me? Today I Pray … May I begin to see, as the life stories of my friends in GA unfold for me, that our similarities are far more startling than our differences. As I listen to their accounts of compulsive gambling and recovery, may I experience often that small shock of recognition, a "hey-that's-me!" feeling that is quick to chase away my separateness. May I become a wholehearted member of the group, giving and taking in equal parts. Today I Will Remember … Sameness, not differences. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

"The language of friendship is not words, but meanings," wrote Thoreau. Life indeed takes on new meanings, as well as new meaning in the Gamblers Anonymous Program. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a Fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends - this is an experience not to be missed. Can I recall my initial reactions when I came to Gamblers Anonymous? Do I believe that I've finally come home? Today I Pray … As the GA Program has given life new meanings for me, may I pass along to others that same chance to re-evaluate their lives in the light of recovery, common purpose, friendships, and spiritual expansion. Praise God for my new vision of human life. Praise God for restoring for me the value and purpose of living. Today I Will Remember … I value my life. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

Compulsive gambling is a lonely dis ease; although it may have seemed that we were part of the lights-and-action crowd, we were often tortured by lone liness. Even before the end of our gam bling days before the debts and the guilt showed us how unmanageable our lives had become-nearly all of us felt that we didn't quite belong. Either we were basically shy, or we were noisy good fellows craving attention and approval, but rarely getting it. Though we sought through the seeming sociability of gambling to overcome our loneliness, reckless risk was always lonely. Finally, even the Game itself betrayed us; we were struck down and left in terrified isolation. Have I begun to achieve an inner calm? Today I Pray … May I know the tenderness of an intimate relationship with God and the calm I feel when I touch God's spirit. May I translate this tenderness and calm to my relationships with others. May God deliver me from my lifelong feeling of loneliness and show me how to be a friend. Today I Will Remember … God can teach me to be a friend. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us," wrote Oliver Wendell Holmes. I was never able to look at what was within me until I came to Gamblers Anonymous and heard my story told. Then I no longer had my "uniqueness" to hide behind. What was more, the person seemed a lot happier telling it than I was hearing it. I was jealous of a winner - always had been - so I began, ever so slowly, to tell my own story. Am I surprised today that all that was within me could possibly have been kept secret so long from the outside world? Today I Pray … Regardless of what lies ahead or behind me, may I remember that I must have God within me to guide me through difficult situations. When I am not in a difficult sit uation, may I thank God-and know that He is the reason I am where I am today. Today I Will Remember … To make room for God within me. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

I considered myself a "loner" in the days when I was gambling. Although I was often with other people - saw them, heard them, touched them - most of my important dialogues were with my inner self. I was certain that nobody else would ever understand. Considering my former opinion of myself, it's likely that I didn't want anybody to understand. I smiled through gritted teeth even as I was dying on the inside. Have my insides begun to match my outside since I've been in the Gamblers Anonymous Program? Today I Pray … May my physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual selves become one, a whole person again. I thank my Higher Power for showing me how to match my outside to my inside, to laugh when I feel like laughing, to cry when I feel sad, to recognize my own anger or fear or guilt. I pray for wholeness. Today I Will Remember … I am becoming whole. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠⁠

If we felt guilty, degraded, or ashamed of either our addiction itself or the things we did while "in action," that served to magnify our feelings of being outcasts. On occasion, we secretly feared or actually believed that we deserved every painful feeling; we thought, at times, that we truly were outsiders. The dark tunnel of our lives seemed formidable and unending. We couldn't even voice our feelings and could hardly bear to think about them. So we soon gambled again. Do I remember well what it used to be like? Today I Pray … May I remember how often, during my gambling days, I felt alone with my shame and guilt. The phony jollity of a gambling party or the shallow relationships struck up at a casino could not keep me from feeling like an outsider. May I appreciate the chance to make new friends through the Fellowship. May I know that my relationships now will be saner, less dependent, more mature.  Today I Will Remember … Thank God for new friends.  A Day at a Time ⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠

Many of us in the Gamblers Anonymous Program share the memory that we originally gambled to "belong," to "be a big shot," or to "be a part of the crowd." Others of us fueled our addictions in order to "get in"-to feel, at least for a short time, that we fitted in with the rest of the human race. Sometimes, our gam bling had the desired effect, temporarily assuaging our feelings of apartness. But when the rush of the action wore off, we were left feeling more alone, more left out, more "different" than ever. Do I sometimes feel that "my case is different"? Today I Pray … God, may I get over my feeling of being "different" or in some way unique, of not belonging. Perhaps it was this feeling that led me to gambling in the first place. It also kept me from seeing the seriousness of my addiction, since I thought "I am different. I can handle it." May I now be aware that I do belong, to a vast Fellowship of people like me. With every shared experience, my "uniqueness" is disappearing. Today I Will Remember … I am not unique. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠

Looking back at those last desperate days before I came to Gamblers Anonymous, I remember more than anything the feelings of loneliness and isolation. Even when I was surrounded by people, including my own family, the sense of "aloneness" was overwhelming. Even when I tried to act sociable and wore the mask of cheerfulness, I usually felt a terrible anger at not belonging. Will I ever forget the misery of being "alone in a crowd"? Today I Pray … I thank God for the greatest single joy that has come to me outside of my abstinence from gambling the feeling that I am no longer alone. May I not assume that loneliness will vanish overnight. May I know that there will be a lonely time during recovery, especially since I must pull away from my former gambling buddies. I pray that I may find new friends who are recovering. I thank God for the Gamblers Anonymous Fellowship. Today I Will Remember … I am not alone. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠

"A very popular error-having the courage of one's convictions; rather it is a matter of having the courage for an attack upon one's convictions," wrote Nietzsche. The Gamblers Anonymous Program is helping me get rid of my old ideas by sharing with others and working the Twelve Steps. Having made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of myself; having admitted to myself and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs; and having become entirely ready to have all my defects of character removed I will humbly ask God to remove my shortcomings. Am I trying to follow the Program just as it is? Today I Pray … I pray that I may continue to practice the Twelve Steps, over and over again, if need be. The Program has worked for thousands and thousands of recovering compulsive gamblers the world over. It can work for me. May I pause regularly and check to see if I am really practicing the GA Program, as it is set forth. Today I Will Remember … Step by Step. A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

When a person wakes up each morning and rises, with nerves screaming and sick at heart, to face frightening reality; when a person stumbles through the day in a pit of despair, wishing to die, but refusing to die; when a person gets up the next day and does it all over again-well, that takes guts. That takes a kind of real, basic survival courage, a courage that can be put to good use if that person ever finds his or her way to Gamblers Anonymous. That person has learned courage the hard way, and when that person comes to the GA Program, he or she will find new and beautiful ways to use it. Have I the courage to keep trying, one day at a time? Today I Pray … May I put the "guts-to-survive" kind of courage left over from my gambling days into good use in the Program. If I was able to "hang on" enough to live through the miseries of my addiction, may I translate that same will to survive into my recovery program. May I use my courage in new, constructive ways. Today I Will Remember … God preserved me to help carry out His purpose. A Day at a Time ⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠

My courage must come each day, as does my desire to avoid a single bet, a single addictive act. It must be a continuing courage, without deviations and procrastination, without rashness, and without fear of obstacles. This would seem like a large order indeed, were it not for the fact that it is confined to this one day, and that within this day much power is given to me. Do I extend the Serenity Prayer to my entire life? Today I Pray … May each new morning offer me a supply of courage to last me during the day. If my courage is renewed each day and I know that I need just a day's worth, that courage will always be fresh and the supply will not run out. May I realize, as days pass, that what I feared during the earliest days of my recovery I no longer fear, that my daily courage is now helping me cope with bigger problems. Today I Will Remember … God give me courage - just for today. A Day at a Time ⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH⁠⁠ G.A. A New Beginning ⁠⁠https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC⁠

Now that I know I can no longer use false courage that is really bravado, I seek and pray for twenty-four-hour courage to change the things I can. Obviously, this isn't the kind of courage that will make me a strong and brave person for life, able to handle any and all situations courageously. Rather, what I need is a persistent and intelligent courage, continuing each day into the next one-but doing today only what can be done today and avoiding all fear and worry with regard to the final result. What does courage mean to me today? Today I Pray … May I tackle only those things I have a chance of changing. And change must start with me, a day at a time. May I know that acceptance often is a form of courage. I pray not for super-bravery, but just for persistence to meet what life brings to me without being overcome by it. Today I Will Remember … Courage is meeting a day at a time. A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

As the doubter tries the process of prayer, he would do well to add up the results. If he persists, he'll almost surely find more serenity, more tolerance, less fear, and less anger. He'll acquire a quiet courage - the kind that isn't tension-ridden. He'll be able to look at "failure" and "success" for what they really are. Problems and calamity will begin to mean his instruction, instead of his destruction. He'll feel freer and saner. Have wonderful and uncountable things begun to happen to me in my new life? Today I Pray … Through prayer, communion with a Higher Power, may I begin to see my life sort itself out. May I become less tense, more sane, more open, more courageous, more loving, less tangled in problems, less afraid of losing, less afraid of living. May I know that God, too, wants these things for me. May God's will be done. Today I Will Remember … Be still and know that He is God. A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

"Perfect courage," wrote La Rochefoucauld, "means doing unwitnessed what we would be capable of with the world looking on." As we grow in the Gamblers Anonymous Program, we recognize persistent fear for what it is, and we become able to handle it. We begin to see each adversity as a God given opportunity to develop the kind of courage that is born of humility, rather than of bravado. Do I realize that whistling to keep up my courage is merely good practice for whistling? Today I Pray … May I find courage in my Higher Power. Since all things are possible through God, I must be able to overcome the insidious fears that haunt me-so often fears of losing someone or something that has become important in my life. I pray for my own willingness to let go of those fears. Today I Will Remember … Praying is more than whistling in the dark. A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

I've learned in the Gamblers Anonymous Program that I need not apologize to anyone for depending upon God as I understand Him. In fact, I now have good reason to disbelieve those who think spirituality is the way of weakness. For me, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that men and women of faith seldom lack courage. They trust their God. So I never apologize for my belief in Him, but, instead, I try to let Him demonstrate, through me and those around me, what He can do. Do I walk as I talk? Today I Pray … May my faith be confirmed as I see how God has worked through others since the beginning of time. May I see that the brave ones, the miracle-workers, the happy people are those who have professed their spirituality. May I see, even now as I look around, how God works through those who believe in Him. Today I Will Remember … To watch God at work. A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

If I believe that it's hopeless to expect any improvement in my life, I'm doubting the power of God. If I believe I have reason for despair, I'm confessing personal failure, for I do have the power to change myself; nothing can prevent it but my own unwillingness. I can learn in the Gamblers Anonymous Program to avail myself of the immense, inexhaustible power of God - if I'm willing to be continually aware of God's nearness. can Do I still imagine that my satisfaction with life depends on what someone else will do? Today I Pray … May I give over my life to the will of God, not to the whims and insensitivities of others. When I counted solely on what other people did and thought and felt for my own happiness, I became nothing more than a cheap mirror reflecting others' lives. May I remain close to God in all things. I value myself because God values me. May I be dependent only upon my Higher Power. Today I Will Remember … Stay close to God. A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

So many of us suffer from despair. Yet we don't realize that despair is purely the absence of faith. As long as we're willing to turn to God for help in our difficulties, we cannot despair. When we're troubled and can't see a way out, it's only because we imagine that all solutions depend on us. The Gamblers Anonymous Program teaches us to let go of overwhelming problems and let God handle them for us. When I consciously surrender my will to God's will, do I see faith at work in my life? Today I Pray … May I, as a recovering person, be free of despair and depression, those two "down D's" that are the result of feelings of helplessness. May I know that I am never without the help of God, that I am never helpless when God is with me. If I have faith, I need never be "helpless and hopeless." Today I Will Remember … Despair is the absence of faith. A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

I knew I had to have a new beginning, and the beginning had to be here. I couldn't start anywhere else. I had to let go of the past and forget the future. As long as I held on to the past with one hand and grabbed at the future with the other hand, I had nothing with which to grasp today. So I had to begin here, now.  Do I practice the Eleventh Step, praying only for knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out? Today I Pray … May I not worry about verbalizing my wants and needs in my prayers to a Higher Power. May I not fret over the language of my prayers, for God needs no language; communication with God is beyond speech. May the Eleventh Step guide me in my prayers at all times.  Today I Will Remember … God's will be done.  A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

Many people pray as though to overcome the will of a reluctant God, instead of taking hold of the willingness of a loving God. In the late stages of our gambling compulsion, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat, and when we become entirely ready to try the principles of the Gamblers Anonymous Program, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension-freedom under God as we understand Him.  Is my growth in the Program convincing me that God alone can remove obsessions?  Today I Pray … May I pray not as a complaining child to a stern father, as though "praying" must always mean "pleading," usually in moments of helpless desperation. May I pray, instead, for my own willingness to reach out to Him, since He is ready at all times to reach out to me. May I regard my Higher Power as a willing God.  Today I Will Remember … God is willing.  A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

"To stand on one leg and prove God's existence is a very different thing," wrote Soren Kierkegaard, "from going down on one's knees and thanking Him." It is my confidence in a Higher Power, working in me, that today releases and activates my ability to make my life a more joyous, satisfying experience. I can't bring this about by relying on myself and my own limited ideas.  Have I begun to thank God every day? Today I Pray … May I remember constantly that it is my belief in my Higher Power that flips the switch to release the power in me. Whenever I falter in my faith, that power is shut off. I pray for undiminished faith, so that this power-given by God and regenerated by my own belief in it-may always be available to me as the source of my strength. Today I Will Remember … Faith regenerates God-given power.  A Day at a Time https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC

STEP 5 Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. It is suggested that this step be done shortly after completing Step Four, while the facts revealed in Step Four are still fresh in one's mind. In Step Four one can dig inside oneself, as most compulsive gamblers accumulated loads of guilt. In Step Five one can dispose of this guilt and cope with every day problems. One can always look back, and must in making amends, but no longer do you have to live with your personal guilt bag. Selecting someone to help you with the fifth step is the next chore. The person should fill two needs; one, they should have the experience and wisdom to help see the situation more clearly, and be a person who will keep the conversation completely confidential. Perhaps your sponsor will be the logical choice, your clergyman or a good friend - you must make the choice. Reread the fourth step and use your notes as an agenda. Honesty, open mindedness and sincerity will make the whole thing go more smoothly. Your ego, which won't like the idea of displaying former misdeeds to another human being, will quickly accept the healthy atmosphere. You will see yourself more clearly after Step Four and this insight will remain. Self knowledge has no bounds. Your new found serenity will enable you to calmly listen and learn. Your awareness will really accelerate. Your relief at having disposed of this guilt will be tremendous. Humility is a very elusive trait which seems to fly away from one who seems to feel they possess it. If this be so, you must seek to become a well adjusted person and in so doing, gain humility which one does not realize one has. Do not take this step lightly or minimize its importance. Those who have done this step feel that guilt must be disposed of, and action through this step is the proper way to do it. Guilt disposed of as suggested, will aid you in so many ways. Self-honesty is accelerated as you clearly see your guilt. No longer will you feel unique. Rather, you will join the human race knowing that you are not alone. What the program teaches comes true. You will realize no two gamblers are alike, yet none is an original. Upon entering the program, one now feels a sense of being understood. No longer will you be alone, and knowledge of this is exhilarating. As conflicts arise, however, one tends to pull away from this beautiful union. Now, the fifth step helps resolve these conflicts and can say to all the world: "I am a human being." Get A Day at a Time here → https://amzn.to/3EOjuiH G.A. A New Beginning https://amzn.to/3E9YgPC