after the tower

My friend Gabrielle and I have a conversation about her recent life shifting cancer diagnosis and how she is navigating the constant changes in her life as seeks treatment. We also discuss how overcoming major depression and contending with grief after the sudden loss of her mother inform how she is meeting this moment.You can read more about her journey on her Substack - https://gabriann.substack.com/Gabrielle is a 1/4 self-projected projector and a Cancer Rising, Leo Sun, and Scorpio Moon (conjunct Pluto). Music by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com or follow me on instagram at @toland1909.

This is a story I always thought I would tell on the podcast at some point. It's the story of my father dying in the September 11th terrorist attacks and everything that came after. I share my memories of that time, the surreal experience of having a private loss connected to a public event, and what lessons I've integrated from the experience. I'm a Leo Rising, Taurus Sun, Pisces Moon and I'm a 5/1 emotional projector.Music by ⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.comYou can book me for in-person readings at Cosmic Connections Nashville at yourcosmicconnections.com. You can also come see me at their Psychic fair on May 23, 2026. If you want to share your story on the podcast, email me at [email protected].

Kelsey has been a teacher and mentor to me for a long time and was instrumental in helping me bring this podcast into being. So it was special to have her on as a guest. In this episode, Kelsey shares about the series of tower moments and transformations that led her out of a her job as a music teacher and into a new world as a spiritual entrepreneur.You can connect with Kelsey's work work on her podcasts: Maia Games, Lab Partners, and Living Your Design. You can also join her patreon for deeper study and community and go to her website if your curious to learn more.Kelsey is a 5/2 emotional manifestor and Sagittarius rising, Aries sun, and a Sagittarius moon.Music by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

Louise Rayner and I have know each other for a very long time and she holds such a special place in my heart. She was my family's nanny for 5 years of my childhood, but she has become a good friend. She shares about some significant moments in her life as well as talk more about the self development journey she’s been on. We also talk about changing self-limiting beliefs, manifesting the life you want, and finding gratitude even in the hard times. You can connect with her on instagram at @louiseraynerphotography or on her website.She is a 4/6 reflector and a Libra rising, Taurus sun, and Sagittarius moon.Music by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

Nicole BZ and I have a conversation about her experience with the shocking floods during Hurricane Helene in Asheville in October 2024. We talk about shifting identities, surrendering to grief, and alchemizing trauma and loss. She really shares so much wisdom in this one.You can connect with her work at nicolebz.com and you can listen to her podcast You Know Everything wherever you get podcasts.Nicole BZ is a 4/1 splenic projector and Sagittarius rising, Taurus sun, and a Cancer moon.Music by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

Arielle and I met at the ayahuasca retreat in 2023. In this conversation we talk about her experience with chronic illness, what led her to ayahuasca, and a experience of profound heartbreak in the aftermath. We also talk about being disconnected from the body, learning to let go of perfectionism, and reclaiming creativity.Arielle is a Peabody and GLAAD-nominated television writer and producer whose career has spanned Netflix, Prime Video, FOX, and Disney+. You can connect with her and her work on instagram at @she.is.that.Arielle is a 6/2 emotional generator and Virgo rising, Virgo sun, and Libra moon. Music by ⁠⁠⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

In this conversation, I speak with my old friend, Lesley Dudden, about the impact of the loss of her mom to cancer in her 20s after previously losing her father to ALS in her early teens. We talk about the haze of decision making after grief, why she has some regrets about that time, the Piscean desire to escape reality, and how her identity has changed in the years since. Lesley is a Cancer Rising, Pisces Sun, and Sagittarius Moon and a 6/2 emotional projector.You can connect with Lesley at @lesleykduddenMusic by ⁠⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

In this conversation, Krysten Vazquez, who co-organized the trip to Peru where I first took ayahuasca, joins me to talk about the the decision to get divorced about a year after getting married. We talk about coping with severe anxiety, learning to trust your intuition, and reclaiming parts of the self we sometimes lose in the adulthood.You can connect with Krysten's work at ⁠elfaritohealing.com⁠ or ⁠@elfaritohealing⁠.Krysten is a Taurus Rising, Taurus Sun, and Capricorn Moon and a 2/4 sacral generator.Music by ⁠⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

This is sort of a season one finale episode and teaser for season two. I didn't edit this one because I knew if I tried I wouldn't release it. So please forgive any imperfections in the audio. I talk about how creating and releasing the podcast has helped me let go of certain fears I've carried most of my life. I also put out a call to anyone who might be interested in sharing a story for the next season. Music by ⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠You can email me at [email protected] or connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com.

In this conversation, Amanda Vazquez, who co-organized the trip to Peru where I first took ayahuasca, joins me to talk about the reality shifting experience of taking plant medicine for the first time. We also dive into reclaiming her indigeneity, facing tendencies of perfectionism, meeting our unpleasant emotions, and letting go of old stories.You can connect with Amanda's work at elfaritohealing.com or @elfaritohealing.Amanda is a Cancer Rising, Gemini Sun, and Virgo Moon and a 5/1 emotional manifestor.Music by ⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

Amalia and I have known each other for a little while now and they come on the podcast to talk about their decision to leave their job as a therapist. We get into practicing letting go, navigating the void, trusting the cycles of life, and the advantages and disadvantages of making meaning out of what happens.You can email Amalia at [email protected] to connect about astrology, human design, tarot, and saturn return readings. Amalia is a Taurus Rising, Aquarius Sun, and Pisces Moon and a 4/6 emotional generator. Music by ⁠⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

Patrick and I talk about how a sudden job loss thrust him into a long process of facing his addictions, specifically his relationship to alcohol. We also talk about learning to sit with big emotions, the importance of community support in healing, and finding compassion for yourself and others.You can connect with Patrick at @pattydommodouls and @thirdhousetopics.Patrick is Virgo rising, Gemini sun, and Scorpio moon and 3/6 emotional manifestor.Music by ⁠⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

Dani joins the podcast to talk about her decision to quit drinking alcohol in 2017 and her subsequent recovery process. We get into the role of shame in addiction, integrating the shadow side, and why AA isn't for everyone.Dani is a integral coach, recovery guide, writer, and facilitator. You can connect with her joinselfmade.co and on instagram @joinselfmade.Dani is a Pisces Sun, Aries Rising, and Cancer Moon and a 1/3 emotional manifestor.Music by ⁠⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

So this is my story. It was about my journey to find a new home after I felt the need to leave New York in January 2022. It includes a lot of travel and two life-changing experiences with ayahuasca.I'm a Leo Rising, Taurus Sun, Pisces Moon and I'm a 5/1 emotional projector.Music by ⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

This conversation Noah talks about the decision to leave a relationship and then immediately go into a three month silent meditation retreat. We talk about following our instincts, living in the unknown, and dealing with doubt.You can connect with Noah on ig @noahsouderrusso⁠⁠ and www.iamnsr.comNoah is a Cancer Rising, Virgo Sun, and Taurus Moon and a 1/4 splenic projector.Music by ⁠@noahsouderrusso⁠You can connect with me at ⁠⁠tolandlawrence.com

kk and I have a discussion about the tower moment of telling the truth instead of people pleasing. We also have a wide ranging discussion about all kinds of spiritual topics like Atlantis, speaking to our guides, and even BDSM.You can connect with kk at her podcasts Sultry Circus and Space Cats Happy Hour. She also has a twitch at twitch.tv/dreadpiratekk.kk is a Pisces Rising, Aquarius Sun, and a Pisces moon and 5/1 emotional manifesting generator.Music by @noahsouderrussoYou can connect with me at ⁠tolandlawrence.com

Maru shares about her decision to end her marriage and how her life shifted in the aftermath. We talk about confronting societal conditioning, allowing ourselves to grow, and finding new forms of community.maru is Leo Rising, Cancer Sun, and Virgo Moon and 6/2 sacral generator.You can connect with maru on ig @eye.writingMusic by @noahsouderrussoYou can connect with me at ⁠tolandlawrence.com

In this first episode, Mercy and I talk about how the end of the organization they ran for several years unexpectedly led them to writing a book. We also get into trusting our intuition, developing discernment, embracing change, and finding power within.Mercy is a Scorpio Rising, Sagittarius Sun, Aries Moon and a 5/1 emotional manifesting generatorYou can connect with Mercy at youreverydaygifts.com/ and on ig at @your_everydaygiftsMusic by @noahsouderrussoYou can connect with me at tolandlawrence.com

This is just a brief introduction to my intention for the podcast and a little about who I am so you have a sense of what to expect.