At Five In the Afternoon
by J. Andrews, K.M. Douglas and guests
New Orleans-born Drawn & Quartered literary magazine's weekly hour of incinerating poetry, supernova prose, in-depth and mindless conversations, dark, twisted humor, and heavy bottle-clanking drinking recorded weekly in a section of Studio Viva called "Plant Camp" and once monthly in Backspace Bar and Kitchen located at 139 Chartres St. New Orleans, Louisiana - in a section of the French Quarter known as "Death Row." All Killer, No Filler.
Episodes
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Jazz Rest... Bear Fights
Yeah, it's Jazz Fest here in New Orleans. And guess who doesn't give a sh*t? We've been coming to Jazz Fest since the mid 90's. The lineup is actually pretty amazing. Once again, we have more reason for J. Andrews to run for mayor. The Anunnaki. And yes, DJ Colorado definitely said, "thruple,"…
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We Will Not Miss You
Something different to start. Our hearts go out to everyone mourning as much as we are. The king is gone, but will not be forgotten. Regardless, send us money! And to be clear, Eric Dickerson did not kill anyone (allegedly). Send your letters to Cooperstown: Tell them that Pete Rose deserves to…
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Deja Voodoo
I'm doing everything I can to try not to convince you not to listen. Unless you like The Dead Milkmen. You don't have to listen. This is what we do. It's what we've done since the beginning. It's out of control. We don't write it, we do it live. F*cking thing sucks. So anyway- Welcome to "At Five...
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The MMA of Crotch Sports
From the streets of New York... If you're not paying for our Patreon, you're not getting all the content of our cast. If you try to give us money on our Patreon, you're not going to find it. We don't need or want your money. In fact, we don't need or want you to listen. Especially when KM talks...
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Last Call For Grandma
Seriously, you don't have to listen. So, anyways... In his attempt to be a hilarious a**hole, J somehow accomplished doing something heartfelt and meaningful. Special guest on this cast: Jim Gaffigan (kinda). Cool dude. Unfortunately, J decides to knock DJ Colorado down, but don't worry, she gets...
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Dr. Colorado's "Foolproof Hiccup Cure
You're in luck if you have water boarding, horse cum or night vision goggles on your podcast Bingo card! After that we just talk ship for a while. Hey kids! If you're looking for some easily accessible gateway drugs, we've got you covered. And for Patreon's only: J Andrews demonstrates how to…
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I'll Fly Away
Happy birthday to Plus-Sized Domino! Although she ends up saying Talking Heads, let's assume DJ Colorado was trying to say Kraftwerk. And let's assume that KM actually believes that Chief Keef killed Tupac. Rest in Power Jam Master Jay. All this talk of death is of course foreshadowing. It is a...
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J Messes with Texas / 13 Soft Defecation's
Welcome to our special guest, Moulin Rouge. And apologies to all the Eye-Talians out there. Fuhgettaboutit!!! Don't worry, J will stop yelling and poetry will come to the forefront, but then he will make everyone turn against him, including Nina. From his voice during his first reading, it's...
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It's All a Setup
"I never did like this f@cking planet anyways." -d.a.levy. And yes, you CAN get pregnant from pre-cast. Carnival continues! Come join us to celebrate Bacchus on February 11th! Mad respect to Chewbacchus. Let's be honest though, parades are only enjoyable on drugs. And now for a shameless...
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The Zoot Suit Boogie!
If you haven't seen Goodfellas, go f*ck yourself. J. Andrews is way too flamboyant. "'Hello Gub'na!" J. wants to tell you about his feelings. Who's your daddy? Welcome to the neighborhood! DJ Colorado almost kills KM Douglas, but he deserves it because he's poor. Visit…
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The Muppet Show
Muppets is actually a derogatory term used by the British. Sports corner! Who let the dawgs out!?! More importantly: Who let J. Andrews out? We don't need to tell you not to eat toilet paper. There are many more things to indulge in, including Carnival and Mardi Gras. Shout out to our five new...
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A Renewed Sense of Invigoration!!!
How was your Xmas? Who cares. How was your New Year's? Who cares. Polygamist relationships are the best! And so is Mexican Lasagne! This cast is sponsored by Ortega. Visit AtFiveInTheAfternoon.com/Ortega for 10% off a 99 cent packet of taco seasoning. Somehow K.M. makes Jeffrey Epstein seem less...
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The Big Book of P*ssy
We're not concerned, DJ Khalid's wife does not listen to this podcast, but DJ Khalid definitely does. Shut up! Numbers are only made for Alien Women. Spoiler alert: DJ Colorado is a 10/10!!! Happy Birthday Black Jesus! No way Jesus was white nor born in December. J was right about Gremlins 2.…
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R.I.P John Lennon (Our Respectful Memorial Show)
First off, f*ck x-mas, then let's remember one of the greatest musicians of our time- without shying away from the fact that his murderer, like J & K.M., listened to Pink Floyd on acid (and it wasn't "Ummagumma", it was "Atom Heart Mother")- but we didn't kill a cultural icon! After our…
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Butt Knuckle and Canker Sore
Special guest this week: A master of clitoral stimulation, Detroit comedian and close friend, Chuck Mitchell! Unfortunately, he has to witness J drop his drawers and ask for medical advice about his butt from completely unqualified individuals. Please note: Morgan Freeman does not narrate this.…
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Unprecedented Swan Dive
Cruise ships are death machines. Thank god we have a f*cking DJ! Let's get to some fun stuff before we keep insulting each other's moms. Wanna get high? Try carrots. But only if you want to die... If you don't laugh at our dad jokes then you're as dead as journalism. Send us your best band names...
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Sushi in Columbia
We're back! We're live! If you love someone, tell them you love them, and if you love someone, peg them, at least on their birthday. Don't hold your breath, we will not get to the 6 escalators in a minute (it's actually 13 minutes). Hey-o! Turns out dentists have yay-yo! Less surprising, drug...
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Secretly Recording Ourselves or Hippos & Hookers
This is the closest you'll ever come to understanding what it's actually like to hang out with us. And then we ruin it with our "normal" cast. J likes to think about when people f*ck! Listen to us stumble over the proper way to describe the servers at Hamburger Mary's. Now let's talk about sex...
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Sober Sandwich
Sobriety. Columbian hookers. Nina's 105th birthday. Buckle up, bitches! Also, we introduce our new weekly segment: Salty. Now we're talking. Salt Bae! It's not funny, it's armageddon! Listen to your leaders: The only way to stop the zombie apocalypse is to drink beer. Hard to tell if drunks or...
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Crack Sandwich
It's actually exactly 5 o'clock!!! Tune in next week for what we promised you last week. To make it up to you, K.M. gives you the easiest bar bet to win. Michael Jackson is the Jesus of basketball. I don't know why we're talking about Cosby. Yes, it gets worse... Not sure, but J maybe messed with...
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Who gives a sh*t? It's J's Birthday!!!
When you're here, you're family. Special guest on this episode (no joke)- Boy George! #Remember9/12! And remember Bobi! (But please forget J asking about his d*ck)! Don't worry, the poetry is on topic, but unfortunately, Batman can't compete with fettuccine alfredo. Wait, why are we talking about...
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Cheeseburger in Heaven
Yes, we start out by talking about the weather... don't worry, eventually there will be poetry. No reason to be proud of the boys, although it is pretty interesting that white supremacy is not entirely white. Who knew? Speaking of whites, Burning Man was a sh%tshow! Hope you got the 80's movie...
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Take Me Out to the Ballgame
Yes, we remember the end of the last cast, and K.M. put the work in to answer last week's question about what happened to Michael Jackson's animals from the Neverland Ranch after his death. Here's what we know: Bubbles outlived Michael. Michael could have used a vet. Seems like Thriller could…
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Choose the Sword
Choose the Sword and join us. Otherwise, grab your balls & f@ck your mother. It sounds crazy that a sword fight ended in death in this day & age, but it's not only true, it's also hilarious! There's a reason K.M. knows the difference between sword fighting and swashbuckling... not that there's...
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Taco'Bouta Party!
If you like to watch kids get hit by 60mph fastballs, check out the Little League World Series! Kids, you might not grow up to be a professional baseball player, but that's no reason not to follow your dream! 😎 Join us as we revisit one of the greatest baseball fights of all time! Eat your heart...
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A Celebration of Ignorance
Rest in Power Pee-Wee! That talented man never jerked us around. If there's any Gen Z listeners out there, listen up. This is a literature podcast, so please read The Manchurian Candidate before you watch either of the movies. It's okay to enjoy the idea of our next president to run the country...
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Paul is Dead!!
Summer camp for billionaires is definitely creepy, but McDonald's coffee is definitely less than $4 (Don't bother looking it up). J can't help insulting African-Americans, but don't worry- he ties the dots together. If you're worried about A.I. becoming a better writer than you, you should…
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The Death of Nature
We start with J Andrews coming. (Spelled correctly). This beautiful couple may continue to come across as strong, but all our hearts mourn the loss of Plant Camp. You think that tree going down was bad? Just wait. The news are c*nts. They treat a tree as more important than human life. We all…
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The Last Whole Earth Catalog.
Access to Tools, and mushrooms. Early on K.M asks if J drugged him. It turns out, he did!!! Mushrooms!!! Although K.M. admits to being heavily influenced by the magic mushroom, it quickly becomes clear so is J. Together, they attempt to honor and chronicle Stewart Brand's counter culture icon and...
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Our City of Ruins: The Most Deserved Death
Please ignore our pre-cast banter... DJ Colorado certainly did. We clean up a few things from last week then move on to current events. It turns out Tori Amos is still alive and kicking. (Who knew?) Turns out the show was amazing. Let's let the lady on the cast describe the female entertainer...
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Welcome to Tiny Town! Rednecks and The Shitshow Part 2.
This ain't our circus, ain't our monkeys. Turns out DJ Colorado might be a beard, but J definitely prefers nature over Hollywood, without question. By some some miracle KM knows more about Broadway than the other two, but no surprise cuz he is gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)....
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Welcome to the Shitshow
Pretty Uneventful, Yet Wild. Production value at its absolute low, but don't worry... White people talk about the weather! Shout out to Lester! J predicted that this cast would be a shitshow and he was correct. Then some soft core news coverage of Chinese boreholes. The news about killer whales...
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Gaga! Gaga! Gaga!
We start poetry heavy. You're welcome. "It is a literary podcast." We obviously highlight female writers often, but as DJ Colorado puts it so eloquently: "We're not Pride and Prejudicing it up here." Buy Steven Wright's new book. And Mr. Wright, please pay us to advertise on our cast. Careful,...
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Goodbye Horses!
J..M. Douglas, K.M. Andrews & the voice of reason DJ Colorado celebrate the anniversary of the death of Sir Bob Marley. A marital beef emerges over the difficult choice between Dateline & 48 Hours. Check out Rick Rubin's new book to coerce him into buying ad space on this cast (great poetry...
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YEAH!!! COME ON!!!
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Featuring a special guest poet: Moulin Rogue. Have you ever played "Bear, Ninja or Hunter"? Looking for a can't lose $5 bar bet? Ask if they can pronounce this name: Giannis Antetokounmpo. They can in Milwaukee (just sayin). We spend way too much time talking about street...
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Primus Sucks!
Without question the most literature this podcast has ever offered. Then we get way too deep into Broadway plays. Turns out that musicals are the best place for straight, single guys to score. Who knew? Any book recommendations for DJ Colorado are welcome, but she won't read them... J explains…
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4/20 Episode: Two tokes over the line!
Happy Holidaze! No camping, no glamping. Shout out to Cleveland! Bone Thugs 'n Harmony. But none of us wear their t-shirts because we know who they are. We probably didn't solve the gun debate, but things happen behind barns that no one else knows about. Where does one find mushrooms? Colorado...
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Goonies Never Die!!!
Wheelchairs are fun? Sometimes. Humanity is meant to struggle. Not sure if J is a dick, a pussy or a bitch, but one of them is definitely accurate. K.M. looks like Kid Rock's stunt double. J looks like Markie Mark in retirement... and he has to pee pee like a toddler. K.M. tries to be respectful…
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Raccoon Dogs Butt F&$KING created COV!D...Ban This Podcast!!!
DJ Colorado & K.M. Douglas were more than concerned once J. Andrews started talking, but it turned out J made sense. You're gonna learn more than you want to about bats. We aren't into politics, but we would love to Make America Horny Again! "At this point, who cares!?!" Anyway... god or Google...
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Deep Space Nein
Look at my sh*t! Hillbillies can also be millionaires. Shaq Diesel has the final word on the Stevie Wonder conspiracy. K.M. gives back to the community. The Pink Ladies had NOTHING to do with the recent kidnappings and murders in Mexico. Gangs don't offer apologies. J puts the cock in Cocktail....
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Wilt Chamberlain is the Greatest Scorer in NBA History
If you haven't already listened to our episode entitled "Butt Fungus" you should. The First Amendment defends ghosts, UFO's & Sasquatch- but not Nessie. J teaches us how to hot-wire a car in this digital age. A heartfelt tribute to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Do you like movies about gladiators?
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The Jew-ish Episode
We get off to a rough start because K.M. f's up the multi-media, but there's a payoff! Starts off poetry-heavy & J promises a "hot episode"! We tee up on George Santos, whom we can all agree has an "amazing resume"! Ghandi definitely slept with teens... but at least he's a Libra like K.M. There's...
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It's 5 o'clock in Greenland!!!!
Time is confusing. Tits are distracting. Nina is immortal. And it was Carnival season but we're a month behind posting these. Happy Mardi anyway. Miss Universe pageant gets dark! (And not in a racist way...). Turns out the Hitler mustache is not off the table for K.M. Let's get Closer through J's...
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An Announcement from J.Andrews
We want to thank everyone for listening to Season 2. We held off publishing several weekly episodes to give you the highlights from Carnival Season here in New Orleans. After these 3 episodes, we'll return weekly on the "Ides of March" to start an epic Season 3 with a new permanent member of the...
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K.M. and His Bowling Trophies
Experience the longest unboxing in the history of unboxing. Fueled by his passion for Richard Brautigan, and a large amount of alcohol, K.M. is overly excited about a package he received containing several of Brautigan's books. This episode verges on mayhem, and finishes not Jewish, rather Jew-ish.
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The 2nd Coming of Yeezus
You're gonna hafta listen all the way thru to find out what we really think about Ye. Most deeply researched cast we've done yet. Plus an alcoholic who fell off a cruise ship.
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Censor this Sonnet.
Slap a tag on us! COVID was a BS scam to make Pharma money...There's nothing else to say. K.M. won!
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Don't let the Blue Eyed Serpents Steal Poetry, F%&K Marketing.
K.M chases after Gypsy Lou only to be stopped by the agents of commerce. J gives her "something special" for the holidays. The French are just as evil now as they've always been. It all ends with a dog barking in the distance.
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The Politics of Poetry
J's father is exposed and praised. What happened to Hershel? Too much talk about the midterms. Weird...
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The Library
We enter the rare book room in K.M.'s library to share Bukowski's rejection letter. After that, we take to the streets in search of poetry.
About this show
New Orleans-born Drawn & Quartered literary magazine's weekly hour of incinerating poetry, supernova prose, in-depth and mindless conversations, dark, twisted humor, and heavy bottle-clanking drinking recorded weekly in a section of Studio Viva called "Plant Camp" and once monthly in Backspace Bar and Kitchen located at 139 Chartres St. New Orleans, Louisiana - in a section of the French Quarter known as "Death Row." All Killer, No Filler.
Hosted by
J. Andrews, K.M. Douglas and guests