Bcomingundone

"holy fuk. I don't know what just happened". My outro was an old recording, my joy after a session. On a current path of taking a vow, taking refuge, I am also experiencing impermanence, the pain, I don't need to attach to the suffering. Metta Meta Gassho GC

One glass of wine, his 6 audios, and I spiral.

My sensory sexperience likely because of Autism, my nervous system does need aftercare. I'm not wired for hookhumps and dumps. Do you get human hangovers and what helps you?

Because of the forced change from anchor how I originally recorded, my original exit audio is lost forever. Nonetheless I'm finding newness and comfort in change...pssst I have *presence* for you, come here, now for gifts. ;)

Figuring stuff out: technical, relational, intentional pause for self with self. Nothing serious and serious. Found audios late 2019 and 2022. latter of a shared poem.

Traumatic events happened. I can see my brain wanting to transfer shock and pain to other places; to new people, to current and past people. A kernel of logic remains, now is the worst time to anal'ize I actually need professional help I think I'm experiencing actual post traumatic stress.

Dark night of the soul I've been meeting my pain along with Ram Dass to remind me just how caught up in the game I am. A quote I've memorized, a reminder I'm an environment, a vibration of love.I sing a favorite of mine that he sings. Accidental brown noise when my heater kicks on.Thank you for being here,Gassho

The "cumpuss 2020" was a fun inside joke when my world is throwing me I need to be thrown and tossed!Life being rough lately, I surrender to not knowing. Also with the Autism I wouldn't mind having a seeing eyed golden retriever that would also ruff me up and cuddle with me on my lap; extra support when my hair is on fire- I forget to take care of myself during a nervous system collapse. thanks for being here-until the flip.

Dear Men, I'm wanting to date and eventually be part of a loving, sexually playful, growth mindset partnership. Yet when sex is included, seems this is all that is offered. Are you one trick ponies? Can't think to reveal other sides to you beyond just sex? Unable to be authentic because you included sex? What gives? Should I not have sex with you while in a dating phase- (I need to make sure we're sexually compatible though!)? Signed H.O.H. (and I love trees the reference is the initials!) - horny open heart

an inkling to get burned, heavy lifting of emotional balls banging through walls thanks for being here

Hurts when two people are no longer in alignment with their connection, their relationship. I hurt because I could love his w'hole'ness. The parts the good and not so great were still loveable. He returned after this recording and it was a full circle healing that he needed. I need some healing now. I flexed my feelings~ Joy and Woe "It is right it should be so; Man was made for joy and woe; And when this we rightly know, Thro' the world we safely go. Joy and woe are woven fine, A clothing for the soul divine. Under every grief and pine Runs a joy with silken twine." William Blake Auguries of Innocence "...Every night and every morn Some to misery are born. Every morn and every night Some are born to sweet delight. Some are born to sweet delight, Some are born to endless night. We are led to believe a lie When we see not thro' the eye Which was born in a night to perish in a night, When the Soul slept in beams of light. God appears and God is light To those poor souls who dwell in night, But does a human form display To those who dwell in realms of day."

picked up a book, went on a date, next day wanted to lecture the date instead I asked myself a deeper question. I came up with an eye opening conclusion, more awareness. I noticed someone dog eared the book before me and maybe a man was *here*! I hope his self awareness, personal development and healing is serving up some great things! I appreciate all the men doing the hard inner work and self reflecting! On the journey myself; it's challenging for sure and sometimes, most of the time it's lonely. I know this is worth it to see myself in a deeper way.

jeezuz. Someone asked how did that happen, the app bored her to tears! I did meet someone great, short lived though and gained new insight. I start this off funny with Dr Joe stuff. Thanks for being here☆

I had been fighting a serious case of bacterial pneumonia for a month. Finally feeling better then caught a cold. Pneumonia did not return thankfully. Only thing that brought me joy was coming across Sophie Power's song stfu my brain tics and echolalia wanted me to have this song stuck- whatev it brings me joy~ thanks for being here in my silly weird space sws

In it. Watching it. On a precipice knowing I need to jump, I'm scared. There is no one. Baba Ram Dass comforts me. Sex with closeness is desired as I work through my intimacy issues. How else and where else can I draw in closeness, where do I or we create separateness, texting? How can we get closer? Call. Closer still? Make plans to meet. Closer still?...thanks for being here

I'm Back. The platform recording changed and I lost drafts. It's ok, this is a journey without squeezing too tightly to any outcomes good or bad! Thanks for being here, for returning. peace Trying. In a compassionate space that just acknowledging and seeing that I am trying, is enough. I am enough. ☆gassho☆

Before I contemplate dating apps again, I will ask about social media and AI use; seems people are really addicted to both replacing actual connection. I experienced and processed hours worth of being with my excited emotions- I will possibly share raw actual recordings in the 2 audios after this. Thanks for being here! Until the flip~

"Talk in song from tongues of lilting grace Sounds caress my ear And not a word I heard could I relate The story was quite clear" I had an amazing experience not too long ago. I enjoyed sovereign space with myself in an experience it would've been another level in a shared experience with the catalyst himself connecting to him and his world in our experiences. A magic moment nonetheless left an impression.

...ancient name for spontaneous oracle delivered by a speaker. On a path without a hunger for partnership, rather being with my whole, open for another who'd also like to be with and reveal his whole! Hilarious to say whole vs.hole! I received perhaps a sign during a self pleasure experience...! Thanks for being here

How would your day unfold and who would come forward if you got out of bed, looked in the mirror and asked, "What stories are we letting go of today?" I recognized, I. Am. Alone. And I am not feeling lonely, not something I've experienced in a very long time.

Realized some people consciously turn parts of themselves away in order to prevent attachment. Since I'm the level of the company I keep, I open my circle to include fearless people in order to learn and practice fearlessness. My drop drag, to slow drops is extreme self care, meditation! Come here you, sit and be with me!

An anonymous share, someone shared his writing with me and had impact. Going to be a rough winter, I am concerned and leaning on my positive tools... I'm curious about you- LR po box 1407 Lake Stevens, WA 98257

A man shared he's seeking partnership- my body reacted favorably, these men do exist! I'm sick and it's the nyquil. LR Po box 1407, Lake Stevens, WA 98258

Time crunch before I'm homeless. Jeep starter and battery a few weeks ago. Rv issues. New batteries. Looks like the starter. Oh no. No keys to hood compartment. Oh no. No mobile techs. Time crunch. Found a mechanic will get a tow. Oh no. Hydraulic jacks stabilizing system only works while motorhome is running. Fak. Nervous system collapse means extra care and I've still managed to connect with my gratitude. Would've been nice to have leaned on a partner for support and in turn I would help him. Only a puzzle and now open to solutions. I could use a I care card, a note of hello :) even donation would be appreciated. Po box 1407 lake stevens 98258

Finally sunk in, emotions are essentially a chemical byproduct of neural connectivity- men are wired to have feelings. Culturally they've been denied this part of them. I have so much compassion for you!

A quick share, dream thoughts a d the actual recording-.theta thoughts! Astral'gasm idea and disconnected sex.

Mood I'm in today while integrating an ego decay- Thank you for being here♡ send a love note or appreciation or donate $ :) po box 1407 Lake Stevens Wa 98258

A new poem birthed from darkness, my instincts proved correct, smoke and mirrors singed from a fire, burned are the old parts she no longer needs...

Realized p.i.v. intercourse, coitus, without heart connection is draining. Spending less time in my fantasy world. Now hold attention and presence with other like minded sexual emotional weirdos also seeking partnership. I believe other when he says I don't want a partnership, don't want to date, and those that can keep love and sex separate. No longer have a place in me that thinks I'm the exception, he'll change his mind. No longer afraid I won't have good sex. No longer afraid a partnership will include boring vanilla sex. I sense a conscious partnership will include sex beyond my imagination. And right now things are ok.

Psyche, the subconscious mind sent me a song to listen to. Zero by Smashing Pumpkins. Do others get depressed around their birthday? Really can't remember a birthday I was happy to have, why do I choose as if I'm unworthy; Inner examination. "Emptiness is loneliness...and God is empty just like me." Wanna go for a ride?

If you haven't hear the previous episode, go listen it's brief. This morning instead of the usual desired vanilla morning sex I crave after an intense evening, this morning my fantasy is gentle, non-sexual, a double rainbow cry how others can take me to see beautiful vistas, I desire to help support taking some chores off his plate~ Thanks for being here

Session was another intense experience, they kept coming. Mini share.

Wowie, not in tents but an INTENSE experience. For the mature. Part of the autism is my ability to be in and with fantasy. Connection with another not only becomes a shared experience and it shows me it wasn't a figment of my fanciful imagination! One day a gentle shared sleepy conclusion of an intense experience, until then I welcome and enjoy the experiences now. Thanks for being here~

Deepak Chopra said ego stands for edging God out. I'm in a dark night of the soul this time it's around my sexual shadow. This hurts, ego is very large here.

Refraining romantic relationships. I found a rick "Beware Advantage- if you take it, it is yours and all that comes with it. Otherwise leave it." I took it and have been receiving good or bad? It was an easy choice. Years ago I would've thought twice then blamed the thing.

How to say you like effing a girl but don't like her without having to say you like effing a girl but don't like her...I've started to learn to hold space when a negative thought arises. You try it, some personal growth. Thanks for being here I think I lost my oy! recording- bummer.

Witnessing the line of where I could give up. A disappointment, seconds before the phone date it was already over. I'm receiving what I am believing, at least if I continue to stay where I am at I will continue to get the same. Rejection isn't easy regardless if I'm receiving or delivering. Oddly I feel "love" rising to meet me.

Sexless in Seattle and I'm actually ok. One said he misses what I do and do to him. Another as we transition back to being just friends said my sex was like yoga and veggies. I took it as a compliment. Some eye exercises helps me get out of the panic attack. Thanks for being here.

Throat silliness. I lost 5 hours of time in distracted avoidance I recognized what I was avoiding realizing it was the urge to self sabatoge. He left a message he's returning soon activating an inner child, I see my coach this week. I consider this a win. A boundary I haven't crossed in almost a year.

In a rough spot I feel like packing my bags. Title is an Iron Maiden song, some lyrics spot on.

Just maladaptive old tools. I miss loving sex not loving it but sex that is loving.

This fantasy I have of deep connected sex with presence and awareness, dead? Sex on pause at least. There has to be another male on this planet that fucks like I do *and* desires deep connected sex with heart? A parent in hospice, part of my education in practice. My book, Anthology of cockworship 101 Swallows, I am going to another platform for readings with opportunity for live personal readings. The publisher was a scam- the good news the manuscript is done, bad news I'm out $800. I'm testing my new recording booth. Thank you for being here☆

At 7:55 there is a brief noise disturbance sharing my dating disturbances. I won't talk badly about another just brief shares on my brief dating experiences. 2 irons in the fire fizzled. 1 remaining I have set boundaries for non attachment as he's not available. Play partner is missed been gone for the season and this has been a challenge for our dynamic. I went sailing and publishing a book in the formating phase- the book ;) Thanks for being here~

A lonely night she had some deep thoughts. Familiarity keeps company even if it's ill met. Trauma tied.

A break in the depression and I decide to do a brief reading.

Lots of changes im being challenged. Great listen if you hate me. And yet, I'm resilient. I know the day after my worst looks better.

I was so lost. Off centered. Weekend was rough. Returning home I felt I dropped. I am ready. Am I ready? I know to not decide anything in this condition. When I feel a need to cling to other, a monogamous hunger, means I am not centered. Hug trees and cried.

I'm doing the opposite today of being depressed. What does me laughing and loving look like again? Just fucking doing it.

Buddhist meditation/study weekend is here. Meditating for 7 hours a day, I'm experiencing hurt physically, mentally, emotionally. Have you sat for so long? I just left a session.

Wanting to wall up my heart, I sit with this discomfort. I'm not afraid of feeling this, you need not be afraid for me. Just sit and be with me while I watch this discomfort pass. I am okay with silence too, are you? If not, I have enough calm for two.