Beyond Just Leadership

I let somebody sit in a review and hear something for the first time that I had known for six months. I told myself the whole time that I was being kind. I wasn't. I just didn't want the twenty uncomfortable minutes.Nobody avoids a hard conversation because they're lazy. They avoid it because saying nothing feels like care in the moment, and the bill doesn't come due for months. Kim Scott calls it ruinous empathy — you care about the person, and because you care, you don't challenge them. And the opposite failure is no better: saying it harshly and calling that honesty.You're not sparing them. You're deciding, by yourself, what they're allowed to know about their own career. Every week I didn't say it, I made it more expensive for that person. It never cost me anything. That's the part I got wrong.In this one: why silence isn't neutral and what people conclude from it, a stretch from the new season of Ted Lasso about a coach nobody liked and what changed when somebody told her what he actually saw, Brené Brown's clear is kind, unclear is unkind — and then the move, step by step. Put a deadline on it. Say it in the one-on-one, because that's what those thirty minutes are for. Lead with what you saw, not what you concluded. Name the impact. Then stop talking.Nobody has ever been fired by surprise. Somebody knew. Somebody always knew.There is somebody on your team right now who would fix it if they knew. Tell them.Free 1-on-1 Starter Kit: https://beyondjustleadership.com/links

I made a call. It was wrong, and the people who paid for it were the people who work for me. Then I spent two days deciding how to talk about it — and that's the part I got wrong twice, because they already knew. They were there. The only thing I was actually deciding was whether to make them pretend with me.So this episode is about the day after. Not the failure — the room you walk into afterward.I walk through the three ways we get that room wrong: over-apologizing, rushing past it, and hiding inside "we made the mistake" when everyone knows who made the call. Then what your team is actually deciding while you talk — not whether you failed, but whether it's safe to bring their own failures to you.There's a story from my daughter's first dance competition, about the trophies parents were buying on the way out. My son's baseball season, and what a sport built on failure teaches about learning fast. And my $50,000 mistake at Zillow — and the room that asked "what can you teach us?" instead of "what did you do?"Then the move, step by step, for the next time it's you: say the mistake first. Use I, not we. Name what it cost them out loud. Say what you'll do differently. Then stop talking.Better teams don't make fewer mistakes. They report more of them. And every failure your team hides from you, they learned to hide from watching somebody. Make sure it wasn't you.Free 1-on-1 Starter Kit: https://beyondjustleadership.com/links

I had a completely different episode planned for today. I threw it out about an hour before I recorded this one.Last night a friend stopped me. I'd told him I still had to record my podcast, and he asked, "You're still doing that tonight?" After he left I realized my mind wasn't in a good place and I needed to wait. So this is the episode that came out the next morning instead, and it's the most honest one I've made.It's about how alone leadership can feel. I say early on that I've never felt more alone than I do right now and I've also never felt more supported, and I mean both of those.There are three stories in here. My basketball coach, who told me when the going gets tough, the tough get going, back when I thought he was talking about basketball. My senior-year Spanish teacher, who told me I would never learn to speak Spanish in my life. And Chile, four or five months in, sitting in a room where the person next to me leaned over and asked whether I understood what I'd just said.I get emotional telling that third one. There's a long pause. I left it in, because pretending it didn't happen would make this episode a lie.Then two things from this week. A line my wife showed me: some people plot your downfall and end up paving your breakthrough. And a scene from a movie I watched with my daughter, where one character admits she doesn't want to be alone anymore and the other says, "Well, you have me."That's the whole thing. Leadership is a lot of aloneness, and it was never supposed to be. So the next time you sit across from somebody on your team, ask yourself whether they feel alone — because it changes their work and it changes who they are.And if you're the one who feels alone right now, and you don't have anybody: I'd like to be that person for you.One correction: at 7:23 I say the wrong year. I left for Chile in August of 2007.Free 1-on-1 Starter Kit: https://beyondjustleadership.com/links

I've canceled a one-on-one to make room for a meeting that mattered less. Not once — enough times that I had a system for it. That 30 minutes was the only thing on my calendar that never pushed back about being moved, and that's exactly why it was the one I should have protected.This episode is two true stories and one very old one.The first: a newly promoted manager who started crying in a one-on-one and then opened up about what was happening in their personal life. The second: a leader of leaders who used our one-on-one to tell me, directly, the things I could be doing better — and it turned out to be one of the best conversations I've ever had. Neither happens without months of consistent one-on-ones I didn't move.The old one is Homer. In Book X of The Odyssey, Aeolus gives Odysseus a bag holding every wind except the one that carries him home. He holds the rope for nine days without telling a single member of his crew what's inside. Then he falls asleep within sight of Ithaca, close enough to see fires on the beach. His crew, left to guess, decides he's hoarding gold. They open the bag. They're blown all the way back.When he tells it afterward, he blames sleep and a foolish crew. He never says the true thing: I never told them what was in the bag.The gap didn't stay empty. They filled it with a story worse than the truth.That's the part I recognize as a leader — not the shipwreck, the explanation. Twelve ships left Troy under Odysseus's command, and he came home alone.The last seven minutes are what to actually do: protect the one-on-one like it's with your boss's boss, move it rather than delete it when it truly has to move, send the new time yourself, say out loud that it matters, and tell people what you can even when you can't tell them everything.Because your people will write a story in the space where you said nothing. You don't get to choose whether they write one. You only get to choose whether yours got there first.Free 1-on-1 Starter Kit: https://beyondjustleadership.com/links

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" I've asked it. I thought I meant well. Then I watched it land like a test the person didn't study for. Most people don't have a five-year answer. They have a right-now answer, and you have to ask for it.In this episode:Why the question sounds thoughtful and isn't, and what it costs you when the conversation diesTwo high school coaches, weekly goals, and the three WsBob Ladouceur at De La Salle: winning games was never spoken of, because what you're building is individualsLarry Gelwix and the Highland rugby team: we not me, and what's important nowThe three questions that open a real career conversationMentorship the coach introduces and then leaves alone — no homework, no weekly mandateThe stretch goal my manager handed me at Zillow, and why he stayed quiet while I fielded the questionsProtected time on work hours, said out loud, with the team coveringMy daughter's first week of high school, and why her present is the whole jobOne correction: I say "Coach Lassiter" on air. The De La Salle coach is Bob Ladouceur — 151 straight wins, 1992 to 2004. Being teachable goes both ways.Radical candor is Kim Scott's. The 85% figure is Korn Ferry.Free 1-on-1 Starter Kit: https://beyondjustleadership.com/links (00:00) - Cold Open (00:40) - Why the Five-Year Question Fails (01:58) - The Korn Ferry 85% Stat (03:34) - Coach Hesser & Coach Schaefer: Goals Now, the Three Ws (05:06) - Coach Ladouceur / De La Salle: Build Individuals (06:23) - Weekly Goals, Accountability & Adaptability (08:40) - Larry Gelwix: We Not Me, W.I.N. (09:44) - The Three Right-Now Questions (11:23) - Mentorship: Make the Introduction, Keep It Organic (12:28) - The Stretch Assignment: Zillow & Stan Humphries (13:49) - Protected Learning Time on Work Hours (15:36) - His Daughter's Freshman Year (17:06) - The Close: Move Their Present / PATC

There's a kind of manager I call a seagull. Something goes wrong, they swoop in, drop their opinion, mess with things, and fly off — then wonder why their team is exhausted. I picked the phrase up in a meeting at Zillow and it never left me.In this episode:What swooping actually costs you: your team stops working and starts bracing for the next oneWhy a senior leader going three levels down creates fear, not clarity"Turn on the lights" vs. dropping information that creates chaosThe sacrifice underneath it: praise in public, take the blame yourself, and do the correction in privateThe new manager trap — solving it yourself is what made you good, and it's the thing you have to stopThe manager I had right out of college, and the review that told me exceeding expectations meant being perfectThe term "seagull manager" comes from Ken Blanchard's Leadership and the One Minute Manager. The circle of safety is Simon Sinek's, from Leaders Eat Last.Free 1-on-1 Starter Kit: https://beyondjustleadership.com/links

You got promoted for the work you did — not for how you lead, and nobody trained you. 85% of new managers receive no formal training (Korn Ferry); 70% of the variance in team engagement traces back to the manager (Gallup). In this episode: where confidence really comes from, why the company is called Beyond Just, and PATC — Positive, Attitude, Thoughts, Confidence — one letter at a time. Confidence isn't a feeling you wait for. It's a choice you make. It starts from within.In this episode:Why the one person nobody trained carries the most weight in the building"The title changes. The person doesn't."The compass, the name, and the North Star under itPATC — and why the order matters: you can't hand a team something you never gave yourselfWhy Around the Table exists, and why nothing ever listens at the tableFree 1-on-1 Starter Kit: https://beyondjustleadership.com/links

Years ago, someone I led looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, "What are you doing differently? I can feel that you actually care about me." I hadn't changed a single tactic. I'd changed something inside first.Season 2 starts where leadership actually starts: from within. I take you back to a junior-high free-throw line in Missouri, eight straight misses, and the phrase my dad gave me that turned it around — PATC: Positive, Attitude, Thoughts, Confidence. I thought he was teaching me basketball. He wasn't. The game was won or lost before the ball ever left my hands.You can learn every framework in the world and still be a manager nobody wants to work for. This is the part that comes first. Before you can lead anyone else, you have to lead yourself. The title changes; the person doesn't. Lead deeper, lead people, lead well. And remember: it starts from within.

Good leaders get it wrong. What separates them is what they do next. In this episode I talk honestly about the mistakes that come with leading, especially when you're a first-time manager, and why self-reflection beats pretending you have all the answers. I use Ford v Ferrari to dig into risk, the hard calls, and trusting your team enough to be straight with them. Getting it wrong isn't the failure. Refusing to own it and grow is.

I took a month off screens, and it changed how I show up for the people I love. In this one I get into what that detox taught me: the distractions we barely notice are quietly costing us our closest relationships. I talk about the loneliness so many people carry, why friendship matters more than we admit, and the lifeboat idea — you can't pull anyone else in until you've steadied yourself first. It's an episode about putting people back ahead of the noise.

This is where it all began. In the first episode I share how I found my voice as a leader — not through a title, but through trust, relationships, and actually seeing the people I worked with as people. I talk about the experiences that shaped how I lead, and pull a lesson from Maverick in Top Gun on sacrifice, accountability, and the mindset leadership really takes. If your job is to help the people around you grow and believe in themselves, start here.