Broken Beyond Repair | Weekly Talks Podcast
by Victoria Maddox | Broken Beyond Repair
Broken Beyond Repair is my honest, unfiltered conversation about life after losing my 23-year-old son, Kody, on February 18, 2025.I talk about child loss, traumatic grief, motherhood, faith, heaven, and trusting God when nothing makes sense. These are not polished conversations or easy answers. They're the real questions, pain, and everyday moments of learning to live in a world that will never be the same.I'm broken beyond what I can repair, but still held by God.New weekly talks with Victoria Maddox.YouTube: @GodWhyKody
Episodes
-
I Finished My Son’s Book… But I’m Still Lost | Episode 52
I finished writing my son Kody's book, Broken Beyond Repair — 91 chapters of love, grief, faith, and everything I've been trying to put into words since he went to Heaven. But finishing his book didn't fix what happened. It didn't bring my boy home. And it didn't make the pain go away. I poured…
more -
He Was My Safe Place, Too | Episode 51
People know how much I loved and protected my son Kody. What they may not know is that he protected me, too. Kody could tell when I was hurting. He stood beside me, and with him, I felt safe. He was my son, but he was also one of the people I could let my guard down with. In this episode, I talk...
-
When the Headlines End, We're Still Here | Episode 50
When the headlines end and the world moves on, what happens to the families still living with their loss? In Episode 50 of Broken Beyond Repair, I talk about the public attention surrounding Charlie Kirk, the loss of my son Kody, and the families left behind when everyone else returns to their...
-
Why I Call Myself Broken Beyond Repair | Episode 49
What does Broken Beyond Repair actually mean? After losing my son Kody, I will never be the person I was before. That doesn't mean I've given up on God. It means I'm learning to trust Him with something I cannot fix. In this episode, I talk about grief, faith, the meaning behind Broken Beyond...
-
Make This Make Sense | Autism, ADHD, OCD & Child Loss | Episode 48
What happens when autism, ADHD, OCD, traumatic child loss, and Christian faith are all happening inside one person at the same time? After losing my son Kody, I have struggled to explain what goes on inside my mind. In this episode, I break down the psychology of grief, intrusive thoughts…
more -
My Biggest Toxic Trait | I Don’t Believe I’m Loved | Episode 47
My biggest toxic trait is that I know how to love deeply, but I do not always know how to believe I can be loved back. In this episode, I talk about what it feels like to carry grief, trauma, and so much emotional weight that you start believing you are too much for everyone around you. Too...
-
Are You Happy? What Does Happiness Even Mean Now? | Episode 46
Are you happy? That's a question I honestly don't know how to answer anymore. Since losing my son Kody on February 18, 2025, happiness doesn't mean what it used to. I can laugh, spend time with my family, take care of my children, and still carry a pain that never leaves me. In this episode, I…
more -
I Keep Looking for My Son | 563 Days of Grief | Episode 45
563 days without my son Kody. And I still look for him everywhere. I know my son is in Heaven. I know I cannot just pick up the phone and hear his voice anymore. But that doesn't stop my heart, my mind, or my eyes from searching for him. In Episode 45 of Broken Beyond Repair, I share what…
more -
557 Days Without My Son | How Do You Keep Going After Child Loss? | Episode 44
557 days without my son Kody. And somehow, none of this still feels real. I know what happened on February 18, 2025. I know my son is in Heaven. But there are moments when my mind still cannot accept that the life I had with him is gone. In this episode, I talk about traumatic child loss, the…
more -
Grief Changes the Way You Think | Life After Losing My Son | Episode 43
Grief doesn't just break your heart. It changes the way you think. Since losing my son Kody, I've noticed changes in my memory, concentration, patience, relationships, and even the way I make everyday decisions. In this episode, I talk about grief brain, mental exhaustion, feeling overwhelmed by...
-
Make It Make Sense | Losing My Son Still Doesn't Make Sense | Episode 42
Make it make sense. Please. Because I still can't. Since losing my son Kody, I have struggled to understand how I'm supposed to keep living a normal life when nothing about my life feels normal anymore. In this episode, I talk about something that hurts almost as much as the silence—how people…
more -
I Am Still His Mother | Motherhood Doesn't End After Child Loss | Episode 41
I am still his mother. Not was. AM. When my son Kody went to Heaven on February 18, 2025, I didn't stop being his momma. I simply became a mother whose arms could no longer reach her child. In Episode 41 of Broken Beyond Repair, I share a deeply personal chapter from my book about what motherhood...
-
Happy Birthday in Heaven, Kody | Celebrating My Son’s 25th Birthday | Our Tradition | Episode 40
Happy 25th Birthday in Heaven, Kody. July 30, 2026, marked another birthday without my son physically here. And no matter how many birthdays come and go, I will never stop celebrating the day my boy came into this world. In Episode 40 of Broken Beyond Repair, I'm sharing something incredibly...
-
Ava Talks About Losing Her Brother Kody | A Child's View of Grief | Episode 39
Grief doesn't just affect parents. Our children are grieving, too. In Episode 39 of Broken Beyond Repair, my daughter Ava joins me for a conversation about her big brother Kody, who went to Heaven on February 18, 2025. And let me tell you, this girl has a personality all her own! We talk about...
-
I Don't Know What to Do Anymore | How Do I Keep Standing? | Episode 38
I don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. How do you keep standing when the person who made your world feel complete is no longer physically here? In Episode 38 of Broken Beyond Repair, I talk about one of the conversations I had with my son Kody before he went to Heaven on February 18,...
-
Numb Is Still a Feeling | Losing My Son Shattered Who I Was | Episode 37
Numb is still a feeling. And sometimes, it's the only feeling I can manage. Since losing my son Kody on February 18, 2025, there have been days when I've been so overwhelmed by grief, exhaustion, and everything happening around me that I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. In Episode 37 of...
-
Wondering What Heaven Looks Like for My Son | Grief, Faith & Heaven | Episode 36
Have you ever wondered what Heaven actually looks like? Not just what the Bible tells us, but what our loved ones are doing there right now? Since my son Kody went to Heaven on February 18, 2025, I think about Heaven completely differently. I wonder what he's doing. Does he read books? Does he...
-
I Just Miss My Son | I Keep Looking for Him Everywhere | Episode 35
I just miss my son. That's it. I just miss Kody. Some days, grief is so overwhelming that I cannot even find the words to explain what is happening inside me. Life keeps moving. There are bills, work, family, responsibilities, and things that have to get done. But part of me is still standing in...
-
I Can't Fix This | Child Loss, Grief & Still Trusting God | Episode 34
I have spent my entire life trying to fix things. But losing my son Kody is the one thing I cannot fix. In Episode 34 of Broken Beyond Repair, I share something special I created for Kody's little sister, Ava—a song using recordings of her brother's voice. It is one more way I'm trying to keep…
more -
480 Days Without His Hug | Grief After Losing My Son | Episode 33
480 days without hugging my son. Without hearing his voice in person. Without him walking through my door. And somehow, it still doesn't feel real. In Episode 33 of Broken Beyond Repair, I talk about the everyday reality of losing my 23-year-old son Kody on February 18, 2025, and how grief can…
more -
The Nightmare I Still Haven’t Woken Up From | Child Loss, Grief & Faith | Episode 32
Have you ever had a nightmare so real that you kept trying to wake yourself up, only to realize you were still inside it? That's what my life has felt like since February 18, 2025, when I lost my 23-year-old son, Kody. In Episode 32 of Broken Beyond Repair, I talk about what traumatic child loss...
-
God Asked Me to Trust Him With My Son — I Didn’t Know the Cost | Episode 31
In this episode, I talk about one of the hardest parts of losing Kody — the season right before everything changed, when I truly believed God was healing my son. There were no big warning signs. There was no obvious chaos. Kody was working, going to Celebrate Recovery, getting his chips, reading...
-
The Pit I Could Not Climb Out Of | Trauma, Child Loss & Trusting God | Episode 30
While working on my book, Broken Beyond Repair, I went back to Chapter 3, "The Pit I Could Not Climb Out Of." I wasn't prepared for how differently those words would hit me now, after losing Kody. In this episode, I'm going back into some of the darkest parts of my life. What happened to me when…
more -
God Is in the Details, One Piece at a Time | Finding God Through Grief & Child Loss | Episode 29
Ever since I lost Kody on February 18, 2025, I've been searching. Searching through pictures, videos, messages, dates, memories, and every little detail I can find. That's just how my brain works. When something doesn't make sense, I can't just leave it alone. I need to understand. I need to find...
-
Leave Me Alone Long Enough to Survive | Grief, Boundaries & Child Loss | Episode 28
In this episode, I talk about something I have had to learn the hard way after losing Kody — survival takes boundaries. Last week I talked about Kody’s theory mindset and taking things one step at a time. This week, I go deeper into what happened when I started trying to actually put that into...
-
I Got a Theory… Let’s Test It Out | Rebuilding After Child Loss — Episode 27
Kody always loved coming up with theories and testing them out. Now I'm taking a little piece of how my son thought and applying it to my own life. In this episode, I talk about trying to find a way to function after losing Kody. The mental exhaustion, grief guilt, taking care of myself, and...
-
The Exhaustion Nobody Sees | Child Loss, Grief & Trusting God | Episode 26
I'm exhausted in a way that sleep cannot fix. In this episode, I talk about the soul-deep exhaustion of losing Kody, the numbness that comes from constantly explaining my grief, and how painful it is when people expect more than I have left to give. I'm still trying to survive, breathe, and trust...
-
I Refuse to Let His Story End in Silence | Remembering Kody Beyond Child Loss | Episode 25
Some people think that because I keep talking about Kody, I'm stuck in my grief. But I refuse to let the worst day of my son's life become the only thing people remember about him. In this episode, I'm talking about who Kody really was. His kindness, our everyday memories, his recovery, his…
more -
The Life You Had Ended Too | The Cruelty of Canceling Your Child Out of the World — Episode 24
Nobody talks about what happens after you lose your child, when the world expects you to start canceling their existence out of it. In this episode, I talk about one of the cruelest parts of losing Kody. The phone calls, paperwork, closing accounts, insurance, and having to explain over and over...
-
Catastrophic Child Loss | Traumatic Grief & Trusting God — Episode 23
One minute I was going to wake Kody up for an appointment. The next, my entire world was shattered, and I was being asked to make decisions no mother should ever have to make. In this episode, I talk about catastrophic, sudden traumatic child loss, the shock, the memories that keep replaying, and...
-
My Testimony | Jesus Saved Me and Rescued My Son — Episode 22
Jesus saved me from a life I never thought I would escape. And I believe that same Jesus rescued my son, Kody. In this episode, I'm sharing our testimonies. The darkness, addiction, abuse, and unbelief God pulled me out of, and how I watched Him begin changing my son's heart and life. I prayed…
more -
Holding On When Life Still Doesn’t Make Sense | Grief, Faith & Trusting God — Episode 21
It's been over a year since Kody went to Heaven, and some days I still cannot believe this is my life. In this episode, I talk about the overwhelming grief, unanswered questions, and moments when I still expect my son to walk through the door. I share how Proverbs 3:5–6 has taken on a completely...
-
Why I Have to Keep Telling His Story | Grief, Faith & Purpose After Child Loss — Episode 20
I keep talking about Kody because my son's life mattered, and I refuse to let his story end in silence. In this episode, I introduce Kody doll and Kody squirrel and share why I continue writing, making music, and telling our story. Some people may think I'm stuck in grief, but this isn't about...
-
People Expect You to Be Better By Now | Child Loss, Grief & Feeling Misunderstood | Episode 19
It's been over a year since Kody went to Heaven, and people sometimes expect me to be better by now. But grief doesn't work on anybody else's timeline. In this episode, I talk about how lonely child loss becomes when people stop checking in, avoid saying your child's name, or think remembering…
more -
When Grief Lives Inside the Body | Faith After Losing a Child | Episode 18
Grief doesn't just live in your heart and mind. Sometimes your body remembers things before you even realize what's happening. In this episode, I talk about the first anniversary of losing Kody, the dates that carry so much pain, and how certain memories can bring me right back to the moments…
more -
Still Waiting at the Door | Living With Grief After Losing My Son | Episode 17
A year after losing Kody, my head is still searching for answers while my heart just wants my son back. In this episode, I talk about the sleepless nights, the memories that keep replaying, the guilt of wondering what I might have missed, and how traumatic child loss affects everything, including...
-
One Year After Losing My Son | Walking Through Child Loss Together | Episode 16
One year. 365 days since Kody went to Heaven, and I still cannot believe this is my life. In this episode, I talk about surviving the first year after losing my son, the grief guilt, unanswered questions, and how lonely it becomes when people expect you to be okay. I'm also sharing the weight of...
-
Heaven Gained My Son | I Lost My Heart | Episode 15
Losing Kody changed me, and it changed my marriage in ways I never imagined. In this episode, I talk about losing my son in a blended family, the trauma I still carry, and how differently my husband and I experience this loss. I can't just go back to being the woman I was before February 18…
more -
A Letter From Heaven | Grieving a Child Through Holidays, Birthdays & Milestones | Episode 14
Holidays, birthdays, and special days just aren't the same without Kody. In this episode, I share a letter from Heaven that I came across on Facebook when I really needed to read those words. It talks about grief, guilt, love, memories, and holding on to the connection we have with those we love.…
more -
Child Loss & Marriage | When You and Your Spouse Grieve Differently | Episode 13
Losing Kody has been hard enough. But trying to survive child loss while struggling in your marriage brings a whole different kind of pain. In this episode, I talk about the exhaustion, arguments, and loneliness that come when you and your spouse don't grieve the same way. Sometimes I'm just…
more -
Life After Losing My Child | 9 Months of Grief, Trauma & Faith | Episode 12
Nine months since I last hugged Kody. Nine months of trying to survive a life that still doesn't feel real. In this episode, I talk about the traumatic memories that keep replaying, the exhaustion of being criticized for how I grieve, and why I continue sharing my story. These aren't pity videos....
-
Grief, Faith & Child Loss | Finding God in the Pain | Episode 11
Losing Kody changed everything about my life, and some days I still don't know how I'm supposed to function without him. In this episode, I talk about the constant battle inside my head, the guilt, the what-ifs, and how I replay little videos just to hear my son's voice again. I also share why I...
-
What Grieving Parents Won’t Say Out Loud | The Reality of Child Loss | Episode 10
Nine months since Kody went to Heaven, and I'm still learning how to survive a grief most people don't understand. In this episode, I'm sharing things grieving parents wish the people around us knew. Please talk about our children. Don't expect us to be better after six months or a year.…
more -
Do You Still Trust God After Losing a Child? | The Puzzle of Faith and Grief | Episode 09
Do I still trust God after losing Kody? Yes. But that doesn't mean I understand why any of this happened. In this episode, I talk about the messages and Scriptures I still send my son, the guilt and questions I struggle with, and a puzzle Kody and I worked on together that was missing one piece.…
more -
20 Seconds That Changed Everything | A Mother’s Story of Loss, Faith & Hope | Episode 08
Twenty seconds changed everything about my life on February 18, 2025. In this episode, I talk about the little things that still catch me off guard after losing Kody. Looking out the window toward his house, remembering our everyday routines, and wishing I could have just one more moment with my...
-
Quiet Cries | Finding God in the Silence After Losing My Child | Episode 07
Sometimes the hardest cries are the ones nobody hears. In this episode, I'm sharing some of the little things Kody left behind. A handwritten note, his pocket Bible, the Scriptures he wrote down, and the words he carried with him to work every day. These things mean so much to me now. They're...
-
No Matter How Little, They Have a Voice Too | Little Sis Talk About Grief and Faith | Episode 06
Children grieve, too. And sometimes we forget just how much their little hearts are carrying. In this episode, my daughter Ava joins me to talk about losing her big brother, Kody. She shares what she remembers, how she's coping, and why talking about him and talking to God helps her. We share…
more -
If God Could Just Give Them Back | Trusting God Through the Loss of My Child | Episode 05
What if God could give me Kody back? Would I ask Him to? In this episode, I talk about that question and the heartbreaking reality of what my answer would be. As much as I want my son here with me, knowing he's safe, happy, and no longer hurting in Heaven changes everything. I also share how…
more -
You Are the Reason | Trusting God After Losing My Child | Episode 04
I spent my life fighting battles for my children. I never wanted them to face anything alone. But then God asked me something I wasn't prepared for: "Do you trust Me with your son?" In this episode, I share something I wrote on March 19, 2025, called "You Are the Reasons." I talk about Kody…
more -
Spirit Led Me | Trusting God Through the Loss of My Child | Episode 03
Heaven doesn't stop me from loving my son, Kody. Not even Heaven can separate that love. In this episode, I share the memorial snow globe Ava and I made for Kody, and the meaning behind the words I've told my children since they were little: "I love you to the moon, trees, and stars." I talk…
more
About this show
Broken Beyond Repair is my honest, unfiltered conversation about life after losing my 23-year-old son, Kody, on February 18, 2025.I talk about child loss, traumatic grief, motherhood, faith, heaven, and trusting God when nothing makes sense. These are not polished conversations or easy answers. They're the real questions, pain, and everyday moments of learning to live in a world that will never be the same.I'm broken beyond what I can repair, but still held by God.New weekly talks with Victoria Maddox.YouTube: @GodWhyKody
Hosted by
Victoria Maddox | Broken Beyond Repair
Categories