Critical Mess Podcast

Listen to this podcast. Right meow. Super Troopers is a comedy film from 2001 starring Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Hefferman, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske, Marissa Coughlan, and of course Brian “It’s a Good Day for the Crows” Cox. We love anything with Big Daddy Agamemnon. Super Troopers has a 37% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 90% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Be sure to check us out at criticalmesspodcast.com and suggest our next movie!

Bumblebee Tuna! Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls is a comedy film from 1995 starring Jim Carrey, Ian McNeice, Simon Callow, Maynard Eziashi, Bob Gunton, Sophie Okonedo, and Tommy Davidson. It’s about a pet detective, bat turds, and a bird named Tinky. It also involves a rhinoceros giving birth to a man. Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls has a 23% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 72% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Be sure to check us out at criticalmesspodcast.com and suggest our next movie!

10 days? Munch some garlic anchovies and he’ll be gone in 10 seconds, amarite? How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is a 2003 romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey, Adam Goldberg, Michael Michele, Shalom Harlow, Bebe Neuwirth, and Robert Klein. It’s about a guy and a girl who manipulate and lie and obfuscate until they fall in love. How quaint. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days has a 42% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 77% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Be sure to check us out at criticalmesspodcast.com and suggest our next movie!

Remember when people actually liked Ryan Reynolds? National Lampoon’s Van Wilder is a 2002 comedy starring Ryan Reynolds, Tara Reid, Kal Penn, Tim Matheson, Paul Gleason, Daniel Cosgrove, and Sophia Bush. It’s basically a documentary about “the raddest f’n dude alive.” Does it hold up? Does it suck? We get to the bottom of it. National Lampoon’s Van Wilder has an 18% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 73% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodcast.com and give us movie recommendations!

The Wizard is a 1989 adventure/comedy starring Fred Savage, Beau Bridges, Christian Slater, Luke Edwards, Jenny Lewis, Wendy Phillips, and Frank McRae. It’s a Nintendo advertisement with the occasional “plot point.” We also “enjoyed it.”The Wizard has a 29% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 60% rating with audiences (aka popcorn) people. Check out criticalmesspodcast.com and give us movie recommendations!

If only we could go back in time to change this film. The Butterfly Effect is 2004 sci-fi/thriller starring Ashton Kutcher, Amy Smart, Eric Stoltz, William Lee Scott, Elden Henson, and Logan Lerman. It’s about a guy who can time travel back to traumatic moments in his youth to right the wrongs of the past. It’s a pretty cool idea on paper, but—according to the critics at least—ain’t working too well in practice. The Butterfly Effect has a 34% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 81% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodcast.com and give us movie recommendations!

$150 to see the butt? We’ll show you ours for free. Coyote Ugly is a 2000 comedy/drama starring Piper Perabo, Adam Garcia, Mario Bello, Tyra Banks, and (are you f*ing kidding me) John Goodman. It’s mostly just girls dancing on a bar, and yet the plot description on Wikipedia is inexplicably five paragraphs long. But seriously, butt shaking on a bartop is at least 80% of the film. Coyote Ugly has a 23% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 71% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodast.com to give us movie recommendations!

If Optimus Prime had bad credit, would he be Optimus Subprime? Transformers is a 2007 sci-fi/action movie starring Shia LeBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro, Jon Voight, Rachael Taylor, and lots of CGI. It’s directed by Michael Bay, so obviously we had to talk about it. The film is mostly about big robots from space that do lots of punching and shooting. As you might expect, many, many things explode. Transformers has a 57% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 85% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). Check out criticalmesspodcast.com to give us movie recommendations!

🎃This counts as a Halloween movie, right? 🎃Under the Skin is a 2013 sci-fi/horror film starring Scarlett Johansson, Adam Pearson, Marius Bincu, Joe Szula, and Paul Brannigan. It’s really ambiguous, there’s not much talking, and it’s not for everybody. But it most certainly leaves an impression. This one was directed by Jonathan Glazer. Under the Skin has an 83% rating with critics and a 55% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people) on Rotten Tomatoes.

Smash-y, smash, boom, boom, punch, punch, punch. Man of Steel is a superhero/action movie starring Henry Cavill, Diane Lane, Amy Adams, Russel Crowe, Kevin Costner, Michael Shannon, Laurence Fishburn, and Ayelet Zurer. It was directed by Zach Snyder. This one’s a Superman origin story. Capeesh? Man of Steel has a 57% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 75% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).

The Snake Plissken origin story. Captain Ron is an adventure/comedy film starring Kurt Russell, Martin Short, Mary Kay Place, Meadow Sisto, and Benjamin Salisbury. This one was directed by Thom Eberhardt. So, back to the Snake Plissken thing. Is it just the eyepatch? No, no it’s not. Because there’s also the mysterious military backstory. The total disdain for authority. The parallels between the lawless landscapes of Cuba and New York. And most of all, there’s the hair. What a glorious mane. Captain Ron has a 26% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 52% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). So yeah, we cheated our rules a little bit on this one, too. Whatcha gonna do about it?

Cage in a bird.Con Air is an action film from 1997 that you should really watch. It stars Nicolas Cage, John Malkovich, John Cusack, Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, Colm Meaney, Danny Trejo, and of course, Tyrone Biggums. It’s about some convicts that take over a prison with wings. This one’s directed by Simon West. Con Air has a 58% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 75% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). So yeah, we cheated a little on this one. What are you gonna do about it?

What if Interstellar and Hellraiser had a baby?  Event Horizon is a sci-fi/horror film from 1997 starring Sam Neill, Laurence Fishburn, Cathleen Quinaln, and Joely Richardson. The film was directed by Paul Anderson. It tells the story of a spaceship that accidentally opens a portal to a sinister place—a place that gets Sam Neill so hot to trot you could’ve sworn it was full of Velociraptors. Is this film a cult classic? Or does it cosmically suck? Listen as the boys dig in.  Event Horizon holds a 36% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 62% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).

We offer the truth. Nothing more. The Matrix Revolutions is a sci-fi/action film from 2007, and is the third movie in The Matrix franchise. It stars Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Lawrence Fishburn, and Jada Pinkett-Smith. The title of this film is disturbingly close to the 2021 movie, The Matrix Resurrections. Why would they do that? These movies are so easy to confuse. It’s been pissing us off all week. The Matrix Revolutions holds a 33% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 60% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).

Back in 2004, Chads were called Wades. You Got Served is a dance battle/drama film starring Marques Houston, Omari Grandberry, Jarrell Houston, Steve Harvery, Lil’ Kim, Meagan Good, and De’Mario Thornton. The movie technically has a plot, but it’s mostly just an excuse to dance, which we think is pretty cool. There are backflips, knee slides, head spins, air pistols, hat twirls, and a guy even acts like a dog peeing on someone. We enjoyed this film. You Got Served has a 14% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 69% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).

Starring Angelina Jolie as The Predator. Gone in 60 Seconds is an action/thriller/chase movie starring Nicolas Cage in top form. You’ve also got Angelina Jolie, Giovanni Ribisi, Delroy Lindo, Will Patton, Robert Duvall, Scott Caan, Timothy Olymphant, and Bullet-Tooth Tony. Oh, and the Ice Cream Man himself, Master P. This movie is about stealing cars. Lots of very expensive ones in a very unrealistic amount of time. Listen in as Brian, Gris, and Nick discuss. Gone in 60 Seconds has a 26% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 77% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).  

ChiiiYYYicKeN JaWKeY!!!A Minecraft Movie is a fantasy/adventure film starring Jack Black, Jason Momoa, Danielle Brooks, Emma Myers, Jennifer Cooledge, and Sebastian Hansen. You may be shocked to hear it’s based on the Minecraft video game. The film extols the virtues of creativity while being aggressively uncreative in terms of story, characters, and plot. But it’s not without its moments. Listen in as Brian, Gris, and Nick discuss.  A Minecraft Movie has a 48% rating with critics and an 86% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people) on Rotten Tomatoes.

This cast really slaps. Bad Boys is a 1995 action film directed by Michael Bay starring Will Smith (Mike Lowrey) and Martin Lawrence (Marcus Burnett). The film includes large amounts of cursing, explosions, shooting, fast cars, palm trees, drug lords, skimpy clothes, hard drugs, soft drugs, medium drugs, one-liners, and Tropical Fruit Bubblicious. In other words, it’s peak cinema if you have the attention span of a bee and like seeing stuff blow up real good. Bad Boys has a 44% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 78% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).

Ever seen a Braille Playboy? Robin Hood: Men in Tights is a Mel Brooks comedy starring Cary Elwes, Richard Lewis, Amy Yasbeck, Roger Rees, Dave Chappelle, Isaac Hayes, and Tracey Ullman. It’s a parody of that very mediocre Kevin Costner Robin Hood movie. Since this is a Mel Brooks joint, the jokes are pretty stupid. But they can also be pretty funny. Listen in as Brian, Nick, and Gris discuss this medieval madness. Robin Hood: Men in Tights has a 42% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 81% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people). 

It's a sleeper. You probably haven't heard of Come True. But now, praise be, you have. It's a fine indie film created with a crew of just five people starring Julia Sarah Stone, Landon Liboiron, Tiffany Helm, Chantal Perron, and Orin McCusker. The movie explores the idea of dreaming, what dreams mean, and how we interpret them (quite literally) as our protagonist Sarah (Julia Sarah Stone) participates in a breakthrough sleep study. It's smart, it's vibe-y, it's got great music—and an arguably great twist. Watch along as the gentlesirs of Critical Mess—Brian, Nick, and Gris—discuss this splendid little film. Come True has an 84% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 57% rating with audiences (aka popcorn people).

Emilio. Emilio! EMILIO! EMILIOOOOOOOOO!!!Watch as the boys dissect A Night at the Roxbury, the 1998 comedy/90's dance music homage starring Will Ferrell, Chris Kattan, Molly Shannon, and Dan Hedaya. We know Saturday Night Live movies have a mixed legacy. Does this one hold up? Are two guys hump-thrusting to Haddaway tracks still funny? Were they ever? Let's head bob our way through this one. A Night at the Roxbury has a criminally low 11% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a very appropriate 69% rating with audiences

Is this not about the Mighty Ducks’ coach? Brian, Gris, and Nick discuss Emilio Estevez, a movie that’s less about youth hockey and more about drug cartels and sex changes. Which, on paper, does sound interesting. But alas. This film stars Karla Sofia Gascon, Zoe Saldana, Selena Gomez, and some dancing doctors. It’s nominated for 54 Oscars even though it has a 16% rating with audiences (and a 72% rating with critics) on Rotten Tomatoes.

Alternate title for 2025: Pirates of the Gulf of America: Deadass Man’s Chest.  Brian, Gris, and Nick discuss Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, a documentary film about a young Keith Richards starring Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, Kiera Knightley, and Kraken. There’s swashbuckling, rum, cannons, peglegs, glass eyeballs, cannibals, a guy who smokes a pipe using face tentacles, a pirate-y dice game, etc. This was before Keith picked up guitar. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest has a 53% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 72% rating with audiences. 

Please lambast (or commend) our opinions in the comments.    For this very special 50th episode of Critical Mess, the boys talk about the best films of all time. At least, according to them. Do you agree with Brian, Gris, Nick, and Ben? Do they have great taste? Or is their taste level more of the Cracker-Barrel variety? Does that analogy even work? Get your questions answered in this week’s episode. 

*reclining seductively* Do you lahhhhhk it?    The Saint is a thriller from 1997 about a microchip/sex bandit named Simon (Val Kilmer) with 30 wildly different personalities—each accompanied by appropriate garb and accent. His love interest is the brilliant nuclear scientist Emma (Elisabeth Shue), who is very easily fooled for someone who’s supposed to be super smart. Boris the Blade (Rade Serbedzija) is also in this film, boosting its status tenfold.        The Saint has a 30% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 63% rating with audiences. 

That Teriyaki Boyz song still slaps. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift is an action film from 2006 about Eminem’s younger brother (Lucas Black) who moves to Tokyo to learn how to use a parking brake. He’s an American—and therefore an outsider—but manages to become friends with Lil Bow Wow (Lil Bow Wow) and some cool Asians who love to race. There’s a love interest (Nathalie Kelley), and also one of the kids from Home Improvement (not JTT). The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift has a 38% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 69% rating with audiences.

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals. Home Alone 2 is a family comedy from 1992 about 10-year-old Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) and his unadulterated, violent rampage through New York City. While framed as the protagonist, it’s hard to argue Kevin is not the antagonist, as he steals, manipulates, and maims his way toward whatever he desires. This mostly translates to eating ice cream, inflicting pain on hapless adults, and chilling with Donald Trump. Home Alone 2 has a 35% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 62% rating with audiences.

He’s like Spiderman’s older, cooler brother who dabbles in meth. Venom is a superhero film from 2018 about Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy) and his relationship with a capricious, head-biting alien symbiote. His girlfriend, Anne, is played by Michelle Williams, who’s usually in classier films. Carlton Drake, the bad guy, is played by Riz Ahmed, who we can all agree has a dope first name. So far as the film goes, Venom and Eddie do a bromance/buddy-movie thing as they fight Riot (another symbiote) and attempt to rescue mutant homeless people. Venom has a 30% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 80% rating with audiences.

For all this movie’s uncomfortable moments, nothing outdoes “drunk on baby smell.”   It Ends with Us is a romantic drama about Lily Bloom (Blake Lively) and her quest to cope with and ultimately escape the cycle of domestic abuse. Which doesn’t really seem like entertainment—or romantic for that matter—but we’ve been told this movie is allegedly both of these things. Ryle Kincaid (Justin Baldoni) is the narcissist/neurosurgeon/wife-beater and Atlas Corrigan (Brandon Sklenar) is the old flame/restaurateur/golden boy. Jenny Slate plays a goofball named Allysa, but we like Jenny Slate, so we’ll let it slide.    It Ends with Us has a 56% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 90% rating with audiences.  

Starring Dennis Quaid as Ronald Reagan as Jesus Christ.   Because the 2024 presidential election is happening today, the boys at the Critical Mess Movie Podcast thought it was appropriate to talk about Reagan, the 2024 biopic starring Dennis Quaid in the titular role along with a supporting cast of Scott Stapp and Kevin Sorbo.   Reagan isn’t a story about Republicans versus Democrats. It’s the story of one man’s mission to save humanity as a sinless, peerless, paragon of perfection. Audiences really dug Reagan, giving it a rating of 98% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics didn’t feel quite the same, giving it an 18%. Needless to say, this film does the premise of the Critical Mess Movie Podcast proud. And hopefully, so does our conversation. Please enjoy as we discuss this…”film.”  

That’s one freaky hex tape!    Welcome to the Critical Mess Movie Podcast, episode 43. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2002’s The Ring, starring Naomi Watts, Brian Cox, Martin Henderson, David Dorfman, and Daveigh Chase. This film was directed by Gore Verbinski.    The Ring tells the story of Rachel Keller (Naomi Watts), who finds a cursed VHS tape that allegedly kills you seven days after you watch it. With the help of her dubious ex-husband, Noah (Martin Henderson), they analyze the tape and discover that it actually does create paranormal situations—and might be responsible for killing several people. Brian Cox is also in this movie as Richard Morgan, and even though it’s kind of a small part, this is Brian Cox we’re talking about, so that’s pretty important to mention.    This film has a 71% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 48% rating with audiences.  Find us across all social and podcast platforms—just search Critical Mess Podcast! 🔍📱 Don’t miss out—like, follow, leave a comment and subscribe! 🔔👀

A friendly, casual film about puzzles!     Welcome to the Critical Mess Podcast, episode 42. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2004’s Saw, starring Cary Elwes, Leigh Whannell, Danny Glover, Shawnee Smith, Tobin Bell, and Michael Emerson. This film was directed by James Wan.    Saw tells the story of Adam (Leigh Whannell) and Lawrence (Cary Elwes) who awaken chained up in a dirty bathroom full of strange clues about their predicament. It turns out they’ve been ensnared by a serial killer named Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) and are part of a twisted web of torture and interconnected killings. Detective David Tapp (Danny Glover) is obsessed with cracking the case…but Jigsaw always seems to be one step ahead.    This film has a 50% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 84% rating with audiences. 

We’ll watch anything with Trip McNeely.    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 41. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 1997’s Scream 2, starring Trip McNeely, Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, David Arquette, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Timothy Olyphant, Jamie Kennedy, and Liev Schreiber.    Scream 2 tells the story of Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) as she goes off to college in Ohio where she’s again stalked by someone dressed as Ghostface. As Ghostface stabs people around campus, investigative reporter Gail Weathers (Courtney Cox) starts following the case—and a slew of other students are interested too, including Randy (Jamie Kennedy), Cici (Sarah Michelle Gellar), and Derek (Trip McNeely). Things do not end well for most of these people.    This film has an 81% rating with critics and a 58% rating with audiences on Rotten Tomatoes.  Find us across all social and podcast platforms—just search Critical Mess Podcast! 🔍📱 Don’t miss out—like, follow, leave a comment and subscribe! 🔔👀

SAY I’M A BIRD. SAY IT. SAY I’M A DIRTY BIRD.  Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 40. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2004’s The Notebook, starring Ryan Gosling, Rachel McAdams, James Garner, Gena Rowlands, James Marsden, and Kevin Connolly. This film was directed by Nick Cassavetes.    The Notebook tells the story of Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Allie (Rachel McAdams) and how they fell in love. The movie is framed by scenes of a much older Noah (James Garner) and Allie (Gena Rowlands) as he reads to her from her old notebook in a nursing home, trying to help her remember the past. Allie is suffering from dementia, so this proves difficult—but a miracle intervenes.     This film has a 54% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 85% rating with audiences.  Find us on YouTube and across all social media platforms—just search Critical Mess Podcast! 🔍📱 Don’t miss out—like, follow, and subscribe! 🔔👀

Is anyone more OG edgelord than Sebastian? Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 39. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 1999’s Cruel Intentions, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Reese Witherspoon, and Selma Blair. Cruel Intentions tells the story of Sebastian Valmont (Ryan Phillippe) and Kathryn Merteuil (Sarah Michelle Gellar) as these two teenage step siblings terrorize friends, acquaintances, and even each other with their sexual conquests and selfish behavior. Sebastian becomes infatuated with Annette Hargrove (Reese Witherspoon), there’s a bet on whether or not he can sleep with her, and things get spicy. This film has a 53% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 80% rating with audiences.

Spider sh*t.    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 38. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2024’s Madame Web, starring Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor, Mike Epps, and Adam Scott.    Madame Web is a “movie” that tells the story of Casandra Webb (Dakota Johnson), a superhero that’s part of the Spiderman multiverse. Nothing really happens in this movie, aside from Casandra babysitting three teenagers: Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney), Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced), and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor). Madame Web might have you questioning the very nature and fabric of reality.     This movie has an 11% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 53% score with audiences.   

(Haiku) It’s cool that McClane  Enjoys eating aspirins  Like they’re M&M’s    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 37. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 1995’s Die Hard With a Vengeance, starring Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson, and Jeremy Irons. This film was directed by John McTiernan.    Die Hard With a Vengeance is the third movie in the Die Hard franchise, and tells the story of John McClane (Bruce Willis) and Zeus Carver (Samuel L. Jackson) as they battle international terrorist Simon Peter-Gruber (Jeremy Irons) throughout New York City while playing a very adult version of Simon Says. Lots of things blow up, many bad guys get shot, and myriad curse words are used. In other words, it’s pretty great.    This movie has a 59% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 83% score with audiences.

We don’t care about kissin’.   Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 36. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are discussing 2001’s Wet Hot American Summer, starring every comedian ever. Some of those people include: Paul Rudd, Janeane Garofalo, David Hyde Pierce, Molly Shannon, Ken Marino, Michael Ian Black, Amy Poehler, Michael Showalter, H. Jon Benjamin, Bradley Cooper, and more.    Wet Hot American Summer is an extremely goofy comedy documenting the last day of a summer camp in Maine sometime during 1981. It follows some of the camp counselors including Andy (Paul Rudd), Victor (Ken Marino), Susie (Amy Poehler), Gail (Molly Shannon), and Coop (Michael Showalter) as they do lots of smooching while also trying to wrangle the campers. It’s just as dumb—and entertaining—as it sounds.    This movie has a 38% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 75% score with audiences.

Goose got cooked :(   Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 35. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 1986’s Top Gun, starring Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, Kelly McGillis, Anthony Edwards, and Tom Skerrit. This film was directed by Tony Scott.    Top Gun is the story of Maverick (Tom Cruise), a rogue pilot enrolled in the world’s top jet fighter training program. Along with his wingman, Goose (Anthony Edwards), they fly the unfriendly skies while carousing in bars and playing some piping hot volleyball. Then they fight some Soviets. And go…inverted.   This film has a 57% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 83% rating with audiences. 

Listen in as we discuss the dirtiest sex scene in cinema history. Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 34. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2001’s Enemy at the Gates, starring Jude Law, Ed Harris, Rachel Weisz, Joseph Fiennes, Bob Hoskins, and Ron Pearlman. This film was directed by Jean-Jacques Annaud. Enemy at the Gates is based on the true story of Vassili Zaitsev (Jude Law), a Russian Army soldier who becomes a legendary sniper on the battlefield of Stalingrad. Along the way he falls in love with another sniper, Tanya Chernova (Rachel Weisz), as they try to track down and kill legendary German Marksman Erwin Konig (Ed Harris). Lots of people end up taking dome shots.  This movie has a 54% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 82% rating with audiences. 

It's a strong premise: Two hotties refuse to do it.    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 33. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2023’s Anyone But You, starring Sydney Sweeny, Glen Powell, Charlee Fraser, Darren Barnet, Alexandra Shipp, Dermot Mulroney, and more. It was directed by Will Gluck.    Anyone But You tells the story of Beatrice (Sydney Sweeny) and Ben (Glen Powell), two jerks who refuse to fall in love despite having a steamy-and-chemistry-filled-yet-sexless initial date. Because of an improbable misunderstanding, they end up hating each other, which matters because they go to a destination wedding together. They play with each other’s butts and are generally obnoxious, which is pretty entertaining—or not—depending on your taste level.    This movie has a 53% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 87% rating with audiences. 

The real joke is Adam Sandler didn’t get nominated for an Oscar. Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 32. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian are talking 2019’s Uncut Gems starring Adam Sandler, LaKeith Stanfield, Julia Fox, Kevin Garnett, Idina Menzel, and Eric Bogosian. This film was directed by the Safdie brothers. Uncut Gems is a crime thriller all about jewelry store owner and hopeless gambling addict Howard Ratner (Adam Sandler) and an extremely rare black opal he can’t quite keep his hands on. After loaning it out to Kevin Garnett (playing himself) he comes to believe the gem gives Kevin special powers—and decides to wager everything on one of his games. This ain’t your momma’s Adam Sandler movie. This film has a 91% rating on Rotten Tomatoes with critics and a 52% rating with audiences.

A timeless tale of a boy and his pet nose clams.  Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 31. Tonight, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss 2001’s Blow starring Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Franka Potente, Jordi Molla, Paul Reubens, Rachel Griffiths, and Ray Liotta. It was directed by Ted Demme.     Blow is a crime/drama based on the life of drug dealer George Jung (Johnny Depp) documenting his rise as a prolific cocaine slanger—one of the biggest in United States history. We follow his friendship with Diego Delgaeo (Jordi Molla) and tumultuous marriage to his wife Mirtha Jung (Penelope Cruz) as he tries to smuggle ludicrous amounts of yayo across the border while experiencing myriad misadventures.    This film has a 56% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 87% rating with audiences.

Alternate title: Boobs, Butts, and the Coolest Guy Around.   Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 30. On this episode, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss 1989’s Road House starring Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliot, Kelly Lynch, Ben Gazzara, and more. It was directed by Rowdy Harrington.    Road House is an Action/Drama about one man’s mission to clean up a rowdy bar named the Double Deuce. Dalton (Patrick Swayze) beats up hooligans and takes on bad guy Brad Wesley (Ben Gazzara) as the two duke it out in a high stakes romp all about proving who’s the real alpha male. Wade Garret (Sam Elliot) also shows us his pubes.    This film has a 44% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 67% rating with audiences. 

He already has a T-Rex skull. Now he wants the Declaration of Independence. Where does Nick Cage get off?    Welcome to Critical Mess, episode 29. On this episode, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss 2004’s National Treasure starring Nicholas Cage, Dianne Kruger, Sean Bean, Hervey Keitel, and more. It was directed by Jon Turteltaub.    National Treasure is an action/thriller about two competing teams vying to steal the Declaration of Independence—for very different reasons. It follows the rivalry between Benjamin Gates (Nicholas Cage) and Ian Howe (Sean Bean) as they have shootouts, blow stuff up, and generally get on each other’s nerves.   This film has a 46% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 76% rating with audiences.

Nobody plays the butt bongo quite like Bernstein. Welcome to the Critical Mess Podcast, episode 28. On this episode, Nick, Gris, Brian, and special guest Genavieve discuss Maestro, the best-picture-nominated biopic about Leonard Bernstein. This film stars Bradley Cooper, Carey Mulligan, Matt Bomer, Maya Hawke, Sarah Silverman, and more. It was directed by Bradley Cooper.    Maestro is all about the life of acclaimed composer and conductor Leonard Bernstein (Bradley Cooper). It follows his long-time relationship with Felicia Montealegre (Carey Mulligan) and their many ups and downs as Leonard navigates raising his family, the creative process, and the complicated world of show business.      This film currently holds a 79% score with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and a 57% score with audiences.  

Be sure to order your Creasy Pita with extra tzatziki. It’s spicy! Welcome to the Critical Mess Podcast, episode 27. On this episode, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss Man on Fire—an action/thriller from 2004 starring Denzel Washington, Dakota Fanning, Christopher Walken, Giancarlo Giannini, Mickey Rourke, Rachel Ticotin, Marc Anthony, and more. This film was directed by Tony Scott.    Man on Fire is all about John Creasy (Denzel Washington), a washed-up, alcoholic, former CIA officer. After a failed suicide attempt, Creasy finds new meaning in his life as a bodyguard for Lupita Ramos (Dakota Fanning), the daughter of a seemingly wealthy businessman in Mexico City. After Lupita is kidnapped, Creasy goes on a blood-soaked rampage exacting revenge on anyone who had anything to do with the situation.     This movie currently holds a 39% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes and an 89% score with audiences.  

This film harkens back to a simpler time. One when it was socially acceptable to speak with your neighbors. Welcome to the Critical Mess Podcast, episode 26. On this episode, Nick, Gris, and Brian discuss The ‘Burbs—a comedy from 1989 starring Tom Hanks, Carrie Fisher, Bruce Dern, Corey Feldman, and Henry Gibson. This film was directed by Joe Dante.  The ‘Burbs tells the story of Ray Peterson (Tom Hanks) and a week-long staycation at his suburban home with his wife, Carol (Carrie Fisher) and kids. Ray often gossips with his buddies Art (Rick Ducommun) and Mark (Bruce Dern) about the new neighbors on the block—and they suspect they’re up to something diabolical. The trio conducts a series of misinformed investigations attempting to prove the family is guilty of murder…and as ridiculous as it seems, maybe they’re right?  This movie currently holds a 56% rating with critics on Rotten Tomatoes, and a 71% score with audiences.  

Kris Kristofferson smoking a dart whilst spilling gas all over a ‘68 Charger is the coolest thing that’s ever happened.

Executive producers: Barack and Michelle Obama. Gaffer: Joe Biden.