Curiosity not Judgement

A recent comment about Curiosity Not Judgement stung more than I expected. But it also got me thinking about the climate we find ourselves in right now.We’re quick to be angry, quick to make assumptions, and often even quicker to tell people exactly what we think. But what would happen if we got better at asking sincere questions?In this short episode, I talk about why I still believe curiosity matters. Not because a good question will solve every disagreement, but because the right question, asked with genuine interest, can change a conversation. It can change a relationship. And maybe, little by little, it can even change the climate of the places we find ourselves.

What does it mean to be resilient? And is resilience something we can actually practice?In this episode, we explore resilience through the lens of first responders, who experience repeated exposure to trauma, and then turn the question toward the rest of us. Can we intentionally build our capacity to handle the hard, unexpected parts of life? And how do you prepare for experiences you can’t possibly anticipate?We also wrestle with a question that doesn’t get asked nearly as often: What does resilience cost us? When we become really good at pushing through, adapting and carrying on, is there a point when resilience comes at a price?

We’ve all been conditioned to ask routine questions and offer routine answers as part of everyday social interaction. But what happens when we choose to go a little deeper?In today’s conversation, we explore what it looks like to replace polite exchanges with genuine curiosity and make real connection a priority. We also consider why this matters even more in our interactions with children, who notice quickly whether we’re truly listening or simply going through the motions.Sometimes connection begins with asking a better question, and caring enough to hear the answer.

Today, Birga is flying solo to talk about something we all need: hope. Sometimes it arrives as a life-changing breakthrough. Other times, it's nothing more than a faint glimmer, but even that can be enough to help us take the next step. In the wake of a health emergency this week and a mental health crisis unfolding in real time, Birga shares a personal update and explores a few critical questions about resilience, community, and what it means to hold onto hope when life feels uncertain.

The pandemic changed more than our routines. It changed the size of our world.Today we explore the idea of "place." How our circles became smaller, why many of us still feel disconnected, and what it takes to reclaim a broader sense of community. We talk about belonging, investing in the people around us, and recognizing that our lives become richer when we move beyond our own bubble and become part of something bigger.

When someone brings us a problem, our instinct is often to jump in and help. But should we? In this episode, Gary and Birga unpack the difference between compassion and responsibility. They explore how to discern when we're called to step into a situation, when our role is simply to listen or ask better questions, and when getting involved may actually do more harm than good. Healthy boundaries aren't about caring less. They're about caring wisely.

What do the fight against human trafficking and the debate over data centers have in common? At first glance, not much. But both are complex issues involving multiple stakeholders, each with a different perspective on the challenges involved and what it will take to solve them.In this episode, Birga and Gary explore the principles of systems thinking by breaking complex issues into the subsystems that shape them, including profit, people, and physics. Along the way, they examine the motivations, constraints, and incentives of the many players involved, revealing why no single perspective tells the whole story.Whether you're trying to understand a social issue, navigate a workplace challenge, or solve a problem in your own community, meaningful progress begins by asking better questions and seeing the whole system before rushing to simple solutions. 

Deconstruction can be a sign of growth. It can also feel deeply unsettling. As we encounter new ideas, revisit old beliefs, or question long-held assumptions, the conversations we have with others matter just as much as the conclusions we reach. In this episode, Gary and Birga explore the importance of situational awareness when discussing changing beliefs, and how curiosity, humility, and relationship can remain intact even when our perspectives begin to diverge.

We all bring baggage into conflict: past experiences, old wounds, assumptions, fears, and stories about who we are and how others will respond.But how often do we stop to examine what we're carrying?In this episode, Birga and Gary explore the invisible weight we bring into conversations, conflict, and relationships and how our past continues to shape the way we experience the present.Some of what we carry may have once served a purpose. The question is: Do we still want to carry it?

Every one of us is part of countless systems: families, workplaces, friendships, organizations, and communities. But how do you know if you're contributing in a healthy way? And what happens when someone else doesn't believe you are?In this episode, Gary and Birga explore systems thinking, the importance of honestly evaluating your own role, and how curiosity can uncover what defensiveness often hides. Along the way, they discuss asking better questions, responding to difficult feedback, and recognizing that healthy systems require everyone to keep learning.

What happens when an idea feels original, but maybe it isn’t? In this episode, Gary and Birga talk about the echoes of the past, the unreliability of memory, and the complicated question of who “owns” an idea. They explore false memories, the assumption that something is entirely new simply because we don’t remember where it came from, and why conflict around intellectual property can become so personal so quickly.More importantly, they talk about how to handle those moments well: how to stay curious, ask better questions, and have healthier, more productive conversations when credit, ownership, and trust are on the line.

When everything feels uncertain, curiosity may be the only thing that keeps us grounded. Gary and Birga return with an honest conversation about AI, personal responsibility, and what it means to navigate a world that feels increasingly untethered.

Episode 150 marks the end (for now) of the Curiosity not Judgement podcast, as Gary and Birga take a pause to concentrate on writing a book. But, they leave you with a few closing thoughts and some good questions to cary you into the days ahead. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #questions #endfornow

You've likely heard the phrase: I do what I don't want to do, and don't do what I want to do. So, how do we change that? Today's episode just may help you develop a strategy for success. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #action #inaction #strategy

What do you want people to remember about you when you are gone? Are you trying to create a legacy? In typical CnJ style, Gary and Birga take a slightly different approach to what it might look like to be intentional with building a legacy. What are your thoughts? https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #legacy #memorable

As we close out 2024 and look ahead to 2025, do you have a sense of things you did well, and areas where you need to improve? Do you have a plan in mind for how to become the best version of yourself in business, personal growth and relationships? https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #personalgrowth #lookingahead

How do you know when it's time to bring something to an end? Perhaps it's a relationship, a job, or a season of life. Join us for a curious conversation that includes some possible questions to ask yourself when you begin to sense a change is coming on. #curiosity #nojudgment #endings #change https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com

A 3:30 a.m. blog post led to a great conversation around cognitive dissonance and the concept of "yes, and." Gary and Birga discuss the real tension involved when holding two seemingly conflicting thoughts in your mind. https://www.hungrytolearn.com/blog/2024/11/25/cognitive-dissonance https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #cognitivedissonance #yes, and

Courtesy of the Glorify app, today's CnJ "quickie" goes through six simple but powerful questions. They are great to ask yourself when you are feeling stuck or defeated: 1. What do you have? 2. Who do you know? 3. What can you do? 4. Where can you speak up? 5. How can you show up? 6. Who can you serve? https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #stuck #breakout #reenergize

Did your candidate win or lose? How do the results of this election impact you moving forward? Gary and Birga spend some time discussing the relationships that may have been damaged by political discord, and what do to now. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #electionresults

Do you, your family, or your culture have a practice around grief? Many Americans don't seem to know what to do with it, either for themselves or others. This episode focuses on some curious questions around grief, and what we might want to consider when exposed to hard and painful times. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #grief

Have you been part of a strategic planning session for your business? Have you ever considered that it is something that you can also do as part of a family? Join in the curiosity around the elements of strategic planning, and how you can allow this intentional time to help shape the next season of your life. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #strategicplanning #curiosity #nojudgment #bigyes#BHAG

Have you found yourself in a spiral of negative self talk, wondering about your value? Gary and Birga dive into this important topic and propose some ways to ask good questions and interrupt harmful narratives. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #negativity #selftalk

What happens when you are accused of something you believe to be untrue? How can relationship be restored afterwards (or should it)? How can you return to authenticity after a rift? These are just a handful of curious questions discussed in today's episode. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #accusations #authenticity

Have you spent time investing yourself, and your curiosity into the lives of those around you, but feel like you aren't seeing any payoff? Take heart! Sometimes, the efforts you put forth don't manifest for years. We'll talk about it today. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #doitanyway

There are no shortage of things to complain about. Some upsets aren't worth the time and effort to raise a stink. However, there are times when you may need to raise your voice and speak out about something. As Gary and Birga discuss, there are some great curious questions to ask in order to ensure that your complaint gets some results. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #complaint #results

When you think back to times in your life where you made decisions that had a negative impact, are you left with feelings of regret? Can those feeling serve us? Join the conversation around regrets, and how to move beyond shame and into a space of healing and hope. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgment #regret #lookingback #movingforward

Inspired by a presentation from Jordan Rayner, author of Redeeming Your Time, Gary and Birga jump into a discussion about the ways we get things done not only impact those around us, but ultimately our productivity and mental wellbeing. Are you busy? Or, are you in a hurry? The difference matters. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #busy #hurried #curiosity #nojudgment #jordanraynor #conference #inspiration

We all have experiences from our childhood that impact us. One curious question is: Can we find the bridge between the stories of our past and the ways in which we react in the present? The effort it takes to do a little digging may help us as we look to be the best version of ourselves. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #questions #stories #bridges

Are you a hospitable person? What does it take to ensure the people in your life feel seen, heard and appreciated? Gary and Birga discuss how the concept of "I thought about you before you got here" can pay big dividends. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #hospitality #othersfirst #thelittlethings

Gary and Birga often talk about the need for curious questions. But, is there ever an occasion where we might need to lead with judgement? Surprisingly, yes. When decisive action is needed, judgement takes over. There are also times when asking questions can become problematic. Listen in to learn more. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #judgement #questions

Inspired by a recent presentation by Arthur C Brooks, Gary and Birga talk about the concept of removing things from your bucket list, and finding great satisfaction with less. Brooks goes on to share an equation for happiness that gets us thinking! https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #bucketlist #happiness #less

Have you missed the chance to share with someone the things that are important to you? Is it something that can be rectified, or is it too late? Gary and Birga discuss missed communication and some of the ways that could be implemented to correct it. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #miscommunication #missedcommunication

Have you ever been asked a simple question that caused you to feel uncomfortable or nervous? Perhaps you've asked an innocent question of someone else, and you watch them have an almost physical reaction. What's going on here? Join Gary and Birga for this important conversation. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #questions #responce

Do you ever take an action in good faith that may have led to a bad outcome? It's worth evaluating what we consider "good" in order to weigh the impact of our actions. It's a curious line of thinking, and one we hope you'll take with us today. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nonjudgement #goodthing #badthing

Have something big going on in your life and others have counseled you with "Don't Worry"? Easier said than done. But, could some curious questions actually lead to a strategy that could help you cope with worry in a more healthy way? Listen in and give your feedback. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #worry #processing

Have you ever come across a situation where you felt you should step in to help, but something keeps you from acting? Or perhaps, you see a co-worker who needs a lending hand, but you just can't shake the memory of when they did you wrong. Blame it on cognitive dissonance. Can curiosity help bring you to a place of resolution? https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #cognitivedissonance #dissonance

What is justice, and who gets to make that determination? This is a complex and potentially divisive topic. However, as Gary and Birga discuss this issue today, they hope to prime the pump of curiosity so that you are better prepared for the inevitable discussions that will come your way. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #justice #political #nojudgement

The irony is not lost on us that both Birga and Gary had a terrible night of sleep before filming this episode. There may be a few tired brained flubs to contend with. Questions around how to incorporate more silence and time to process, are difficult ones for many of us to answer. Do you have time built into your day to decompress and think through the various experiences that you've had? https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #sleepdeprivation #silence #processing

What do you do with the feedback you receive? Sometimes, it comes as noise, and we simply can't process it. Other times, we may have to filter it through the intention of the giver. Lots to think about, and process! All these voices are starting to sound a little like a Disney movie that was recently released. . . https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #nojudgement #curiosity #insideout #filters #intentions

In this week's episode, Gary and Birga discuss the importance of developing the right questions and evaluating the motivation behind the ask. Are you collecting information for the right reasons? And, what are you going to do with what you find out? https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #questions #evaluation

Birga dives into some curious questions around evaluating the effectiveness of your programming/product. This week's deep thoughts come courtesy of the UNM Evaluation Lab: https://evallab.unm.edu https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #nojudgement #curiosity #evaluation #effectiveness

Gary is joined by his son, Mike Oppedahl, for this special episode. Together, they discuss how people communicate curiosity and judgement in relationship with others. #nojudgement #curiosity #relationship #fatherandson https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com

Do you find yourself trying to prepare for the future, despite all of the unknowns? Do you have plans, back-up strategies, and contingencies? While you likely can't prepare for everything, could you (through curiosity) be ready for anything? Gary and Birga dive into this curious topic. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com The Brené Brown podcast that was referenced can be found here: https://brenebrown.com/podcast/whats-coming-and-whats-here-2/#listen #nojudgement #curiosity #preparation #everything #anything

Thanks to some listener feedback, Gary and Birga have a robust discussion about Real Intelligence (RI) vs Artificial Intelligence (AI). What are the "ingredients" that make up the human experience? Can those elements be taught to AI? https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiousity #nojudgement #ai #humanexperience

Whether we're talking about Artificial Intelligence (AI), or some other technology, do we need to put up guardrails as these "platforms" get released into our society? Or, do we wait to see the results of exposure and then try to contain it? Big questions for the curious!https://www.curiositynotjudgment.com#curiosity #nojudgement #ai #guardrail #containment

If your invention/idea/product doesn't take off, or fails to meet the needs of others, it's easy to get stuck in pride and simply walk away. However, curiosity asks questions about what it would look like to pivot. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #pride #pivot

Are you an idea person? Do have the next great innovation, product, or process that has the potential to save or change lives? Have you taken the first step to ask those, for whom you create, how your idea will impact them? There are some great, curious questions in today's episode that you'll want to consider. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #innovation #knowledge #creations

Have you ever presented something, whether product or idea, as better than it really is? Or, have you been on the purchasing end of a transaction that left you dissatisfied and feeling like you were duped? Join Gary and Birga in a discussion about integrity, presentation, personalities, and of course, curious questions. #curiosity #nojudgement #integrity https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com

The rapid acceleration of technology has made "keeping up" with knowledge an insurmountable task. But, do you really need to know? If knowledge were put into a quad chart, there are four categories: I don't know that I don't know I know that I don't know I don't know that I know I know that I know How intentional do you want to be in order to stay in the "know"? Gary and Birga walk through some curious questions to help determine how much time and effort to put into the pursuit of knowledge. https://www.curiositynotjudgement.com #curiosity #nojudgement #knowledge #stayinginformed #learning