Don't Tell Me To Get Over It

In today’s Q&A episode, I answer a question from a listener who wasn't able to attend a funeral and wonders if it’s too late to reach out to a grieving friend.Many of us worry about saying the wrong thing or reopening wounds, but does grief have an expiration date when it comes to offering support?I explore the hesitation that often holds us back, the impact of belated but sincere gestures, and how to connect in a way that feels meaningful rather than awkward. Whether you've been in this situation yourself or worry about reaching out to someone who is grieving, this episode offers insight, reassurance, and practical ways to show you care—no matter how much time has passed.Tune in to hear:💭 Why we sometimes hesitate to reach out after a loss.🕰️ Does timing really matter when offering support?📩 Simple, thoughtful ways to reconnect without feeling awkward.This podcast is always ad-free and listener supported. I’d love to hear from you—connect with me!Substack: https://thegriefcurator.substack.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorIG: https://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ Website: https://thegriefcurator.com/Music Intro and Outro: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission of Thrumm, a division of Junius Recording CompanyBibliographyExperienceCamps.org Founded in 2009, is a national, no-cost program for grieving children who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling or primary caregiver. Our one-week, overnight summer grief camps, year-round programs, and content help to reframe the experience of grief, and empower kids with the necessary coping skills to move forward with their lives. Through compassion, connection, and play, Experience Camps allows grieving children to embody a life full of hope and possibility.

In this episode, I explore the often overwhelming experience of the first year after losing a loved one. When grief is fresh, it can feel like you're simply muddling through, unsure of what’s normal or how to move forward. I begin by sharing an excerpt from my grief memoir, reflecting on the emotions and challenges of that first year. From navigating milestones and daily responsibilities to understanding how grief shows up in unexpected ways, I walk through what many experience in those early months. Finally, I close with a discussion on self-care—what helped me, and what might support you or someone you love in the tender space of new grief.What You’ll Hear in This Episode:🖋️A Personal Reflection – An excerpt from my grief memoir, offering awindow into my journey.📅The “Firsts” After Loss – How major milestones and small daily moments shift after losing someone.💡The Day-to-Day Realities of Grief – Balancing emotions with thepractical aspects of life that don’t pause for grief.🌿How Grief Shows Up – The unexpected ways grief manifests physically, mentally, and emotionally.💖Self-Care in the First Year – Ways to support yourself through fresh loss, from practical strategies to emotional nourishment.Resources & Links:This podcast is listener supported.  I’d love to hear from you—connect with me!Substack: https://thegriefcurator.substack.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorIG: https://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ Website: https://thegriefcurator.com/Music Intro and Outro: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission of Thrumm, a division of Junius Recording Company.Podcast DisclaimerMichelle is not a licensed therapist.  This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. If at any moment in today’s discussion, you feel triggered, or not ready to face these big feelings, take a break, drink some water or tea, and come back to the podcast when you are ready. If you do find that your everyday tasks are becoming impossible, or if you find you’re having suicidal thoughts, please call 988 or your local emergency number, and reach out to your therapist.

In this special episode, I answer listener questions or share YOUR stories about grief and loss. Today's question comes from listener who has a friend who is dealing with both fresh grief and multiple losses and they want to know: is it too soon to refer their friend to the podcast?if YOU have a question, dear friends, please feel free to reach out to me at [email protected]. You can choose to be anonymous, or you can have your first name or initial and city or state or province read out loud.  This podcast is listener supported. I’d love to hear from you—connect with me!Substack: https://thegriefcurator.substack.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorIG: https://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ Website: https://thegriefcurator.com/Music Intro and Outro: Nylon String Theory by Candelion | Licensed and Used with Permission of Epidemic Sound

Welcome to the first episode of 2025! Today, I’m shifting gears and inviting you to get to know me a little better. In this cozy, reflective episode, I share my thoughts on embracing joy and romance (with a capital R) after loss, and why I’m ditching resolutions for something more meaningful.From navigating the bittersweetness of turning 50 to intentionally choosing Romance, I reflect on the choices, regrets, and new opportunities that shape my life and relationships. Together, we explore what it means to rediscover beauty, and live with curiosity and open-heartedness.So, grab a mug (hot chocolate optional), and let’s take this journey together—holding space for grief and joy, one step at a time.What You'll Hear in This Episode:Why I’ve renamed my home office “the study” and how language shapes our mindsetThe significance of embracing romance with a capital RReflections on grief, heartbreak, and turning 50How my father’s life inspired me to believe it’s never too lateThe importance of relationships and curiosity in navigating life’s challengesConnect with me!Substack: https://thegriefcurator.substack.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorIG: https://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ Website: https://thegriefcurator.com/Ask the Grief Curator: Got a question or story to share? Send me an email at [email protected] for a chance to be featured in a future episode.Support the Podcast: If you love this show, consider leaving a review or sharing it with someone who might need it.Music Intro and Outro: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission of Thrumm, a division of Junius Recording Company BibliographyDo Not Go Gentle Into that Good Night by Dylan Thomas: https://poets.org/poem/do-not-go-gentle-good-nightThis year, let’s embrace the beauty, the mess, the joy, and the pain. Together, we can rediscover what makes life worth living—even in its hardest moments.Don’t forget your coffee and hot chocolate moment of sweetness! See you next time.

In this episode, I talk about facing the holidays, especially Thanksgiving, while grieving. Drawing from my own experiences, I explore the challenges grievers face with family expectations, the pressure to feel grateful amidst loss, and our own internal guilt. But there's hope and practical strategies, like acknowledging emotions, setting boundaries, and honoring loved ones in meaningful ways. I also touch briefly on collective grief, highlighting the historical trauma faced by Indigenous peoples in the U.S., and providing links to learn more about their history. In the end, it’s okay to feel sadness during the holidays, and perfectly normal to not be in the mood for gratitude.Episode HighlightsNavigating Grief During ThanksgivingPersonal Reflections on GriefPractical Strategies for CopingAcknowledge and validate your feelingsHonor lost loved onesAddressing Collective Indigenous GriefPermission to Feel SadnessActs of CompassionConnect with me!Substack: https://thegriefcurator.substack.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorIG: https://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ Website: https://thegriefcurator.com/Ask The Grief Curator: [email protected] Intro and Outro: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission of Thrumm, adivision of Junius Recording CompanyDuring Story: Waiting at 54th by Vincent and ASecret | Licensed and Used with Permission of Epidemic SoundBibliographyTocabe: https://www.tocabe.com/Four Directions Cuisine: https://fourdirectionscuisine.com/National Indian School System Digital Archive: https://boardingschoolhealing.org/nibsda/Podcast Disclaimer: Michelle is not a licensed therapist.  This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. If at any moment in today’s discussion, you feel triggered, or not ready to face these big feelings, take a break, drink some water or tea, and come back to the podcast when you are ready. If you do find that your everyday tasks are becoming impossible, or if you find you’re having suicidal thoughts, please call 988 or your local emergency number, and reach out to your therapist.

ShowSummaryIn this episode, I discuss my experiences with grief and some of the secondary losses that followed the death of my father.  My father's passing has impacted my life, especially losses like my sense of identity, security, and dreams I shared with my dad.Even now, I grapple with these changes; however, I’ve learned to adapt, reframe, and even found ways to celebrate new ways of living without my father. You may not be ready yet, and that's okay; I encourage you to reflect on YOUR own experiences with secondary losses and email me to connect and share your thoughts.Episode HighlightsSecondary LossesLoss of IdentityLoss of SecurityLoss of Shared DreamsLoss of FreedomWays to AdaptConnect with me!Sign Up for the Quarterly Newsletter: https://thegriefcurator.substack.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorIG: https://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ Website: https://thegriefcurator.com/Contact: [email protected] Intro and Outro: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission of Thrumm, a division of Junius Recording CompanyBibliographyFollow me on Substack to access 7 Secondary Losses & How to Cope when it's released.

Show SummaryIn this ghostly episode, I talk about “war, skeletons, cemeteries, and things that go bump in the night.”  Halloween can often seem garish to grievers—a mockery of their pain.  I felt that way too, and it took me a couple of years to reach a point where it didn’t bother me as much. I also share a story about my father and an encounter he had with his mother during WWII. In part, I believe this story shaped how I saw Halloween and even my own grief. Everyone’s grief journey is unique. With time, meditation, and a willingness to heal, I encourage you to discover new ways of honoring and enjoying this season, perhaps in ways that look different than before. Episode HighlightsHalloween TriggersA Personal Ghost StoryThe Impact of GriefHolding Space for GrieversHealing Through Time and MeditationReclaiming Halloween After LossConnect with me!Sign Up for the Quarterly Newsletter: https://thegriefcurator.substack.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorIG: https://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ Website: https://thegriefcurator.com/Music Intro and Outro: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission of Thrumm, a division of Junius Recording CompanyDuring Story: Waiting at 54th by Vincent and A Secret | Licensed and Used with Permission of Epidemic SoundBibliographyNothing that’s out yet!  You can read the “ghost” story and more about my father and his experience during WWII in my upcoming memoir: Don’t Tell Me to Get Over It!Podcast DisclaimerMichelle is not a licensed therapist.  This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. If at any moment in today’s discussion, you feel triggered, or not ready to face these big feelings, take a break, drink some water or tea, and come back to the podcast when you are ready.If you do find that your everyday tasks are becoming impossible, or if you find you’re having suicidal thoughts, please call 988 or your local emergency number, and reach out to your therapist.Sending you love, light, and peace!

Episode Title: Hurricane Helene: Holding Space for CollectiveGriefBrief Show Summary: Hurricane Helene was a catastrophic storm that brought death and destruction to areas unprepared for her wrath.  In this episode, we invite you to talk about collective grief through the lens of Hurricane Helene, which devastated mountain communities in North Carolina and Tennessee, as well as coastal areas in Florida. Together, we explore the resilience of the survivors who have come together to rebuild, despite tragedy, and contrast this with the harsh judgment online from those far removed from the on-the-ground efforts.Reflect on the importance of holding space for others in times of collective grief, drawing on Heather Plett’s The Art of Holding Space. The power of creating a safe, compassionate space for people to process their pain without judgment or the urge to fix things is emphasized. This episode is a heartfelt reminder that in both individual and collective grief, empathy and connection are what are most important in grief.Episode HighlightsDevastation in the middle of the nightResilience of survivorsReality vs. Online TrollsDistancing Ourselves from TragedyHolding spaceThe Connection between Imagination & EmpathyPersonal insightsPractice empathy and holding spaceConnect with me!Sign Up for the Quarterly Newsletter: https://thegriefcurator.substack.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorIG: https://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/  Website: https://thegriefcurator.com/Music: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission ofThrumm, a division of Junius Recording CompanyBibliography"Collective Grief happens affects an entire community or large group. It's common during times of war and after major natural disasters that can have long lasting impacts." (An article on Talkspace.com by Liz Kelly)Podcast Disclaimer: Michelle is not a licensed therapist.  This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. If at any moment in today’s discussion, you feel triggered, or not ready to face these big feelings, take a break, drink some water or tea, and come back to the podcast when you are ready.If you do find that your everyday tasks are becoming impossible, or if you find you’re having suicidal thoughts, please call 988 or your local emergency number, and reach out to your therapist.

Shownotes - Episode 003Guest: N/AEpisode live date: Friday, September 27, 2024Name of show: Don’t Tell Me to Get Over ItGuest contact: N/AEpisode title: Grief with No Name: Understanding Disenfranchised LossBrief summary of show:In this episode, we open a discussion on the broader spectrum of grief, introducing the concept of disenfranchised grief—losses that society often overlooks or fails to validate. We explore how various significant losses like breakups, job terminations, or chronic illnesses can evoke real and valid grief, equivalent to the death of a loved one. Through my personal stories and professional definitions, we emphasize the importance of acknowledging all forms of grief and holding empathetic space for those experiencing them. I advocate for naming and recognizing disenfranchised grief, offering support and validation for those navigating these uncharted emotional territories.We talk about:00:00 Intro01:21 The Story of No Name Grief02:58 Understanding Grief Beyond Death05:01 Personal Struggles with Grief06:54 Facing Unexpected Emotions08:47 The Power of Naming Grief12:35 Disenfranchised Grief Explained13:03 Empathy and Community in Grief20:46 Normalizing Grief Conversations21:18 Closing Thoughts and ResourcesConnect with mehttps://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorhttps://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ https://thegriefcurator.com/https://thegriefcurator.substack.com/ Music: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission of Thrumm, a division of Junius Recording CompanyBibliographyhttps://www.linkedin.com/pulse/from-rumpelstiltskin-name-tame-why-naming-things-hagerbaumer-pcc/https://www.npr.org/2006/03/20/5285531/the-power-and-mystery-of-naming-things

Show Notes - Episode 002Guest: N/AEpisode live date: Friday, September 13, 2024Name of show: Don’t Tell Me to Get Over ItGuest contact: N/AEpisode title: Anger and the Five Stages: A Natural Response to LossBrief summary of show:In this episode, we address the complexity of grief, emphasizing that it is not a linear process and validating all feelings experienced. Together, we dive deep into the topic of anger, exploring its roots and how it manifests during grief. Offering personal anecdotes and practical advice, we understand how your own anger and grief are normal and provide tools to manage and process these intense emotions. The episode is a blend of heartfelt conversation, comfort, and support, ensuring that you understand you are not alone in your journey.We talk about:00:00 Intro00:26 Understanding Your Grief00:39 Creating a Safe Space02:07 Navigating the Stages of Grief04:43 Dealing with Anger09:05 Expressing and Managing Emotions12:11 Supporting Your Children12:44 Reflecting on Your Journey15:34 Concluding Thoughts and ResourcesConnect with mehttps://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorhttps://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ https://thegriefcurator.com/ Music: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission of Thrumm, a division of Junius Recording CompanyBibliography:David Kessler: Finding Meaning - https://a.co/d/60k7FReThe ABCs of Grief: a children's grief book for all types of grief and loss: https://a.co/d/4QvXKLC

Shownotes - Episode 001Guest: N/AEpisode live date: Friday, August 30, 2024Name of show: Don’t Tell Me to Get Over ItGuest contact: N/AEpisode number and title: At Home With Grief: The First MeetingBrief summary of show:I’m Michelle A. Gil, also known as The Grief Curator, and in this heartfelt episode, I introduce the 'Don't Tell Me To Get Over It' show for the very first time. I open up about the loss of my 94-year-old father and the profound impact grief had on me. The show aims to provide a safe space for discussing grief, understanding its universal nature, and finding ways to cope. Together, we emphasize the importance of validating personal experiences of loss, whether it's the death of a loved one, a breakup, or losing oneself. I share my personal journey, the comfort found in journaling, and the belief that pain can transform into something beautiful over time. This conversation encourages you to embrace your grief without judgment, offering empathy and companionship through shared stories and reflections.We talk about:00:00 Intro01:20 Understanding Your Grief01:51 My Personal Grief Journey03:27 The Universality of Grief04:00 Navigating Grief Together07:57 Coping Mechanisms and Reflections09:45 The Ongoing Journey of Grief10:57 Closing Thoughts and Future VisitsConnect with mehttps://www.facebook.com/TheGriefCuratorhttps://www.instagram.com/thegriefcurator/ https://thegriefcurator.com/ Music: Eulogy | Licensed and Used with Permission of Thrumm, a division of Junius Recording Company

There is no doubt that I was in denial. My father had always been a strong and healthy man at every age, and in my eyes he was immortal. A world where he simply no longer existed was incomprehensible to me. Any time I thought of losing him I closed my eyes to reality and pretended he would live forever.In the six years since my father died, I’ve joined grief groups, read amazing books on death, went back to therapy, even became a David Kessler certified Grief Educator.  And the one thing I’ve noticed that we as grievers have in common?  Non-grievers are almost always telling us to "Get Over It."  On August 30, come over and set a spell on my debut podcast– Don’t Tell Me to Get Over It—where we normalize conversations about grief, loss, and love explore ways to hold space, and rediscover joy – together.Because we weren’t meant to grieve alone. And you don't have to anymore.---------Music: On My Way by Ajo | Licensed and Used with permission of Epidemic Sound