Eat The Strawberry

Dearest Strawberry Eaters!I come back from a couple weeks hiatus from publishing here with delight and a rewed vigor. I am so grateful for you all, and for the opporutnity to publish my thoughts straight into the world.I decided last week to take a long break from social media, and specifically Instagram. I felt that the content I was sharing there was too valuable and not well-enough received by the general populous, because of the culture of the app… So, I’m going to be re-directing my creation energy here, and into more long-form projects like books and other fun things.With that out of the way, enjoy today’s episode. I felt myself get passionate on this one, and the words flowed. I’m SO curious to hear your thoughts, if you have any.As a fun bonus, here is a photo of the cemetery I was in today.May your breaths come easily and feel full in your body. May you treasure your life, knowing that it will surely end. And may you meet each moment with the reverence it deserves.Blessings,FaolanIf you know someone who might find value in these words, consider sending it their way—it means more than you know.Here are a few ways you can support my work and stay connected:* 🍓 Become a paid subscriber to get access to exclusive meditations and group calls.* 🌀 Book a 1:1 coaching discovery call* 📚 Read my book Why Live? The Beautiful and Painful Mess of Learning to Love Life* 💬 Invite me to speak or facilitate at your event or organizationTo explore more, visit www.faolan.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

Hello wonderful humans!Enjoy this episode of ETS. I hope that you learn something. And, if you do, please share with someone you love.Blessings and joy in the great journey from death to death!Faolan This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

On this episode, I talk about the transformational journey, and how difficult it can be to stay present while on it. Enjoy! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

On today’s episode of Eat The Strawberry, Faolan dives into the often tumultuous “No” word, and how to use it well. Saying no has never been easy for me. It often brings up this fear of what will happen to a relationship. Will I damage the relationship if I speak what’s real for me? Will I break it? Will I get hurt because I’m claiming what’s true?These questions have been coming up a lot for me lately, as I focus more and more on what feels like it’s most important in my life. Focusing has required me to start saying no to more and more.This episode is my exploration of that process.Enjoy, and as always, blessings,Faolan. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

The more life I live, coaching I do, and people I help, the more I realize that all of living well comes down to having a regulated and relatable—as in we’re in relation to it—nervous system.On this episode of ETS, I go deep into explaining how to regulate a nervous system, and why it’s important. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

Tonight, I came across this note card. I was excited, because this is from a time years ago when I first felt inspired to write and create this blog/podcast space. I flipped it over and it read:When I read that, I was inspired to make what I thought would be a silly podcast about itching, but what became a rather inspired exploration of consciousness and morality.I hope you enjoy the travails of my mind!All my love and blessings,Faolan This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

Hi dear ETS listeners!On this week’s podcast, I’m sharing about a difficult and humbling experience yesterday while learning to paraglide.Humility and Patience are two virtues which continue to be hard for me, and which I continue to lean into.Thanks for listening, and as always, blessings,FaolanHere are a few ways you can support my work and stay connected:* 🍓 Become a paid subscriber to get access to exclusive meditations and group calls.* 🌀 Book a 1:1 coaching discovery call* 🌍 Join an upcoming retreat (next one is Sept 2025 in Massachusetts)* 📚 Read my book Why Live? The Beautiful and Painful Mess of Learning to Love Life* 💬 Invite me to speak or facilitate at your event or organizationTo explore more, visit www.faolan.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

Inner child healing is at the core of everything we struggle with. When we’re feeling held back, almost always, our inner child and their adaptive coping mechanisms, which are no longer working are at fault. Those protective mechanisms worked for a long time, but don’t anymore.And to reintegrate into a whole you, who isn’t compulsively or unconsciously continued to enact unconscious patterns, it’s important to re-unite and heal the relationship with the inner child.So, I wanted to make a special ETS blog specifically for this!If you want more like this, let me know in the comments.Blessings on your journey,FaolanThank you for taking the time to be here with me.Did something in this piece move you? I’d genuinely love to hear what landed. Feel free to share your reflections in the comments or reply directly.If you know someone who might find value in these words, consider sending it their way—it means more than you know.Here are a few ways you can support my work and stay connected:* 🍓 Become a paid subscriber to get access to exclusive meditations and group calls.* 🌀 Book a 1:1 coaching discovery call* 🌍 Join an upcoming retreat (next one is Sept 2025 in Massachusetts)* 📚 Read my book Why Live? The Beautiful and Painful Mess of Learning to Love Life* 💬 Invite me to speak or facilitate at your event or organizationTo explore more, visit www.faolan.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

Hello dearest listeners! On this podcast, I do two deep dives into the future of my work and what it means to have a “vision” and how we can relate to those visions.If this podcast resonates with you, take a moment to consider why. What is it touching in you that feels like medicine in your soul? And, then ask yourself what you’d like to do with that medicine.Please enjoy! It means the world to me that you are finding my work valuable for your transformation.All my blessings,FaolanPS. If you found this valuable, share with with a friend or loved one! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

Hey all!I had this podcast rumble out of me last night, and wanted to share it with you all. I’m sorry for the mic switch in the middle! Not sure what happened there.I’m still learning the balance between releasing imperfect content and making it excellent to consume. Patience is welcome!Blessings,Faolan This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

This episode was a lot of fun to make. In it, I dove into various approaches to how to learn presence when our trauma activates our nervous system, and presence becomes challenging to access.This is especially helpful for those people who feel like they can never stop moving, who are always looking for the next thing to do, or who don’t know how to “turn off their brains.”Leave a comment letting me know what you learned and if you have any questions!Until next Sunday,Faolan This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

For most of my life, I believed the lie.The lie that said I needed to achieve more, become more, strive harder to be worthy. That happiness was always just over the next horizon, that success would finally make me feel whole.So I chased.I coached Fortune 100 CEOs, worked with the top minds in business, dined at Michelin-star restaurants in London, traveled across six continents, backpacked through jungles, and jumped off mountains. I lived the dream that society sells—the one that whispers, “Just keep going, and one day, you’ll feel like enough.”But no matter what I accomplished, it was never enough.Until one day, I stopped chasing.I stopped believing the world’s script and started listening to what was real.And what I found was revolutionary.The truth isn’t in the next goal, the next relationship, or the next peak experience. It’s here. Right now. In this moment.Nothing to prove. Nothing to fix. Nothing to strive for.I don’t coach people to “get somewhere” anymore. I don’t sell the illusion of “one day.”I’m here to burn that lie to the ground.My work is about awakening people to what’s already true: you are whole. You are enough. And the moment you stop running, you’ll realize that everything you’ve been searching for has been here all along.This is more than coaching. This is a counterculture movement. A revolution against the never-ending cycle of striving, fixing, and seeking.So if you’re ready to wake up, to stop looking outside yourself for permission to feel alive—welcome.This is it. This is your life.Let’s live it. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

For a long time, I leaned on the women in my life. The tricky part was that I wasn’t aware I was doing it. This truth was one of the gifts my former partner left me at the end of our relationship. When I look back, I was relying on her for my stability—emotionally, spiritually, and logistically. When I look back even further, I see that I’ve always done this, with all my past partners, and since I was born into a life of enmeshment with my mom.I learned recently that I had unconsciously defined “safety” for myself as “the availability of and attachment to the feminine.” Whether that was the literal presence of my mom, grandma, or girlfriend, the more ephemeral internal attachment to or obsession with a crush, or my reliance on porn, in each case I gave my safety away. My ex helped me to realize just how much this was undermining my capacity to be in right relationship to myself, my work, and to the women in my life.For the last six months, I’ve been sitting with the uncomfortable reality that I’ve never fully taken ownership of my own life. When things have gotten hard, I’ve always collapsed into the women around me, into sex or relationship, into being held by ‘mother.’ It hasn’t been an easy truth to accept, but in finally owning it, it’s like I’m being released from a lifetime of self-induced suffering. I’m finally earning my masculinity.To explain, I’ll paraphrase a line from a book I’ve been listening to, The Path of the Warrior Mystic, by Angel Millar; he writes essentially that ‘women have natural initiation processes built into their bodies. When they receive their periods or when they carry and give birth to children or go through menopause, there are hormonal initiations happening. For boys, we need to earn our man bodies through carrying water and chopping wood, through hard work at the gym.’I haven’t been able to get the idea out of my head. When I first heard it, I was resistant. As I’ve let it sit, and I’ve gone to the gym more and increased my capacity for discipline, it’s felt more and more true. I do need to earn my manhood, and it is hard.Last year, I was made aware of a chronically repressed, and thus fragile and frail part of myself; my Warrior. John Wineland, a tantra teacher and men’s work practitioner, speaks about warrior consciousness. In one of his teachings, he asked: “What would you die for? What does it feel like to embody that primal masculine capacity to die for that which you love?” The first time I heard him say that, I was in London still. I breathed into it, felt a tiny glimpse of power and rightness, and then felt myself immediately break under the weight. I couldn’t ‘hang with’ the question. It made me feel small and incapable. I buckled and almost cried.My collapse was a recognition that were a lion, tiger, bear, or bad person to attack me or those who I love, I wouldn’t be able to fight back; or, I wouldn’t be able to win. There was a lack in me, and I don’t use that word without extreme intentionality. I literally hadn’t earned my strength yet, and I knew it. I knew that I couldn’t live up to my inner capacity for warrior-ship, and in the event of danger, I would likely let harm come to myself and my loved ones. It felt terrible, but I wasn’t ready to confront it yet.In my relationship with my ex, this was a point of tension. Looking back, I think that she wanted that capacity from me, as any woman would when discerning if a man is the right one to father children with. I’ve learned that women respect a man who has the capacity to ‘kill,’ and chooses not to. It makes them feel safe. I would want that too. I would want a man who could protect my children, or me, in the event of danger. Six months ago, the concept intimidated the heck out of me. Now, it just feels true.When my ex first introduced a concept she called “Edge” to me, it brought up that same sensation of lack and collapse. She spoke of something that martial artists have, but I never really got it. I knew it was important, and asked her lots of questions, but all the while felt myself get smaller and smaller. The more we talked about it, the less it made sense, and the more insecure I felt. Today, after months of contemplation and practice, I’ve earned a working definition for myself: * Edge is the capacity to not only sacrifice one’s life for what is right, but to make that sacrifice matter. There are a few pieces of this that are important to define further.* “Capacity” - Edge is not the act itself, but the ability to choose that act. It is not the choice, but the will to make it. Sure, the choice and act matter, but they’re more like reps in a workout that lead to a muscled body—the muscled body is the Edge, not the lifting of the weight.* “Sacrifice one’s life” - One could argue that it would be better as ‘give one’s life’ or even ‘live for,’ and while these are beautiful intentions, it is the death process inherent in sacrifice that makes it valuable. Without the will to die, the will to live is weak and lacking. It’s how I used to approach life. I tried to live fully and joyfully. But without the rooting in death, and thus sacrifice, there is an emptiness to life and an inability to go ALL in.* “What is right” - This is a tricky thing, because ultimately, it is subjective. At the root of wars is often a deep disagreement about what is right. And, despite my advocacy of warriorhood, I am not an advocate of killing each other in battle, except in extremely dire circumstances. I’ll speak to this more later, so for now, suffice it say that how we arrive to this idea of right is a key part of the journey, and one that takes humility, patience, and the willingness to fail and try again.* “Making the sacrifice matter” - This may be the most important part of the whole thing. It seems meaningless to throw yourself in front of a train to protect your family if the train just crushes all of you anyway. Edge requires that one’s sacrifice not be in vain. It requires disciplined, diligent, and consistent training so that when the moment comes, the sacrifice will actually make a difference.(Please excuse this interruption from one of our sponsors, you! Writing is one of those things that I would gladly do for free, because I love it. That being said, my birthday was 2/28, and so, for the next month, I’m offering 25% off all my paid Substack subscriptions. If you feel called to support my work, and you have the means and desire to sign up. I would be grateful! Thank you!)Now, to recap, Edge is the capacity to not only sacrifice one’s life for what is right, but to make that sacrifice matter. The process of Edge requires Earning It. It’s the readiness to die, and the ability to kill. Importantly, it’s not necessarily literal, as even the spiritual Edge comes from training one’s ability to fight for what they believe in, to ‘leave it all on the field,’ and risk death or loss. Edge is not a guarantee that someone will win, but a commitment to try. It is not a superpower, but a slowly built and well-earned ability to create impact.When I was with my ex, I wasn’t ready to earn my Edge. I was scared to confront myself. And, honestly, that’s part of what led to the end of our relationship. I knew deep inside that I needed to apprentice myself to the warrior in me, and that to do that, I couldn’t rely on the her to be my source of stability. I needed to face the fear of providing for myself and earning my own groundedness. Otherwise, the relationship would always be undermined by my own doubt in myself. I needed time to be alone, to go deep inside myself and to heal the part of me who has continuously sought to find safety in ‘Her.’To that end, I did something John Wineland calls a “feminine cleanse.” With a couple guys from my men’s group, we intentionally and consciously abstained from the feminine: no dating, no sex, no porn, no flirting, and ideally, not even any eye contact with the cute barista. For six months, my intention was to insulate myself from the women around me so that I could see how I had been relying on them, and find my way back into wholeness in myself. It was painful, difficult, challenging, and one of the single most important choices of my life. It’s felt right.Over my lifetime, I’ve learned that the most challenging part of my life is to continuously choose what is right instead of what is easy. This too is part of Edge, of earning it. The more reps I’ve made of this choice, the stronger my Edge has become, and the more I’ve trusted myself. So, while the pain of my relationship with my ex ending and my ensuing aloneness has been deeply confronting, I’ve needed it. The pain has been teaching me how to love and trust myself, and how to become a sovereign man.Paradoxically, despite that some of my most important relationships have had to end to find this capacity for Edge, it’s actually the only stable place from which I’ll be able to build sustainable relationships from. It’s the only place where I’ll be sure of myself, and trust myself to deeply and truly commit to sharing a life with another, without the doubt that I’m doing it from a place of lack. This masculine Edge is what’s needed for safety in relationship. It creates the mountainous capacity for sacred masculine presence, which builds a container for the feminine to feel safe and to surrender into her flow. There is a Divine polarity that begins with the man’s choice to lay their preference down and give their lives to what is right, to their path, their God, their Truth. This is a deeply personal process for each man, and I don’t believe that what is True for one will necessarily be true for another. That being said, I believe that some of the processes by which we can find and learn to embody our truths are the same. The spiritual path leads each person to the same feelings in different words, the same experiences in different flavors. All are welcome.Now, in confronting myself every day, I am earning my Edge. My training has been physical, but also mental, emotional, and spiritual. It’s been a consistent choice to do the hard thing—work out, cold plunge, kill the big spider, be > seek, turn to brothers for help instead of women, contain and sit with my anxiety, feel it all—to do what is right, not what is easy. And it doesn’t always feel good. It sometimes feels like shit, like hell.I went through moments in the last six months of literally sobbing and shaking on the floor because I wasn’t letting myself collapse back into my patterns. Because, my nervous system was releasing decades of stuck energy and fear. But, because I was holding myself to a higher standard, because I believed in myself, I paradoxically gave myself permission to feel everything I needed to feel, which in turn freed me from my fears. Sitting with the pain built me up, made me stronger. Now, what was nearly impossible to bear is a just merely excruciating for a moment, and then shows me a path to move toward. What was “too hard” is now more fun, because of the challenge. The gym has become a second home. Cold plunges fill me with life. And sitting with myself when I’m feeling terrified, and not turning to the feminine is starting to feel safe in my nervous system. Slowly, things are changing.Yet, I haven’t always been successful. Sometimes I’ve caved and returned to compulsion or addiction. Sometimes I’ve let myself flirt or fantasize. Sometimes I’ve spent hours unconsciously dreaming about how I could alleviate my own suffering by returning to my reliance on women. But, at each turn, the process remains. At each slight misstep, I’ve come back to the path. Now, the me of six months ago is unrecognizable. It may sound cocky or strange, but I have changed. I am no longer that boy, though he is still in me. Where before, I acted compulsively as the boy, always looking for safety in the arms of ‘mother,’ now I hold myself, sit with myself, or ask for support in non-codependent ways from the people who love me. A couple months ago, I experienced a small moment that I will always remember.I was walking down the street listening to Slayer’s 1986 album, Reign in Blood. I had been to the gym, and lifted heavy. I had knocked a coaching call out of the park. I felt good. I realized while I was walking that I FELT Edge. There was a feeling best described as, “Come try me. Fuck me up, I dare you,” followed by a total trust in myself to be reliable, to have my own back, to mean it. I was strong. I was capable. I had Edge. And miraculously, the collapse that I had always experienced before didn’t come. I just kept walking, head held high, smiling.In that moment, I knew I needed to write about this.After months of dedication to my own discipline practice, to my body’s strength, to my mind and heart’s devotion, I finally feel an inkling of having Earned It—that capacity to live, die, and serve for what I love. And looking back, without this feeling, I’ve been a castrated version of myself, unable to follow through, unable to commit, unable to focus, unable to conquer myself, and unable to truly embody the Royal, Sacred Masculine.Like I wrote in my first book, “with the fear of death, comes a fear of life.” In other words, as long as I’m afraid to die for something, or if I don’t believe in myself to make my death matter, I won’t really live for anything. Being willing to die, and able to choose it creates the capacity to live all in, to bring a fullness and utter aliveness to life. That’s the path.I’m not done with the work though, and, if anything, I believe that this will take a lifetime of integration and continuous practice. But that momentary acknowledgement of Edge, when I didn’t collapse into fear, doubt, or lack of self-belief was a huge step in my journey. It means that the work I’m doing is working. Another sign of this is the shift in how my mom and I are relating. A few weeks ago, she and my sisters were visiting me at The Lake (Atitlan). I told my mom that I thought “the masculine in our family had been repressed from a place of fear.” I told her that “I had been unable to fully step into my masculine because of her fear of it.” Surprisingly, she immediately got it. She agreed. Without hesitation, she said “Go for it, bring the masculine strength back to our family. We need it.” There was no defensiveness or codependency in her answer. She was fully ready to empower me to grow, even if it meant a change in our relationship.When I was a teenager, and started to feel testosterone pumping through my body, there was no space for my self expression, and no shaping of my power into loving strength. I remember the feeling of my arms clenching and unclenching, like I wanted to rip the whole world apart. But, every time I would let that feeling out, somehow I would wind up feeling hurt and hurting my mom. I never learned how to harness my power, and so I suppressed it… until now.Now that I’m feeling like I can control the channel, and harness it, there’s a capacity for wholeness in me. I’m welcoming back in my power, and it feels right, like there’s been a waiting space in my soul for this part of me. And, it also feels unfamiliar still, like learning how to drive or dance for the first time. There’s a rawness to the experience, and a vulnerability to my actions. I might fail. In fact, I probably will. I might get it wrong. But I’m trying something new, and it’s right.I share all of this because we’re living through an age where there are so few masculine role models, so few men who truly embody both their hearts AND their bottomless pits of primal power. It’s a brilliant time for us men to reflect on ourselves, do our healing work, and again step into leadership from a place of service, of being willing to die for what we love. We need more men to choose this path.(If you are a man, or know a man who wants help to step up into this level of sacred masculine embodiment, let’s connect about how I can support you/him on the path. Email me here.)I’ll close with an acknowledgment of complexity. Much of this warrior energy in our world is channeled into war. War —> Warrior. Makes sense, right? Well, when I looked into the etymology of “war,” it originally translated into ‘confusion or disorder’ and ‘conflict or hostility.’ We might perceive these things through the lens of ‘evil,’ but what if to be a Warrior is to confront the innate confusion and conflict in life, which is always there? And, what if, millennia into humanity, we’re only just learning how to do that well?For a long time, being a warrior meant killing ‘enemies’ to protect friends, defending ‘our’ ideology against theirs. But, what if we’ve been doing it wrong?We can channel and harness our capacities for warrior-ship as men to go into conflict with the utter confusion of certain death, the conflict inherent in sharing finite resources, the disorder of power imbalances, and the hostility of being a living creature in a dangerous world. What if, instead of pointing this warrior energy at each other, we use it as a protective skill that can be practiced as a source of safety for all people, all creatures, and all life? What if being a warrior and developing ‘Edge’ doesn’t have to mean conflict with others, but rather a steadiness in the face of failure, loss, and danger?In Iron John, Robert Bly talks about the difference between soldiers and warriors. He shares how in many traditional cultures, boys are initiated to manhood not through battle, but through dance, and through a deep confrontation with their inner shadows. We as men are not training to be soldiers who merely follow orders into battle. We are training to be Warriors of the Heart, men who are willing to do the hard, right thing. Warriorhood does not mean only the capacity to fight and die, but the heart and love to know what to fight and die for. That takes a clear inner pool of self-knowing, and a level of comfort with our own failings as men. It takes a vulnerability to admit when we don’t know the answer, and to listen to our elders and partners, and to the marginalized around us. It takes owning the pain we’ve felt and created as well as the love we’ve shared. It takes admitting that we are privileged, and asking how we can best show up to serve. But it is not the warrior who sacrifices from a place of obligation who we admire, it is the warrior who knows himself as a sovereign being, and chooses from his core to sacrifice for what he believes in. To say yes with our whole beings, we must tend our capacity to say no. To give our lives, our lives must be ours to give. We must free ourselves to give ourselves.Warriorhood is not sourced from a desire to win, to prove, or to seek, but from a deep capacity for loving sacrifice. It requires an ongoing and intimate relationship to Truth, to the depths of suffering and the peaks of ecstasy. Masculine warriorhood demands an embodied man, a man who knows, not from a rational place, but from a primal place, a sacred place. Warriorhood is pure, abundant, and true. As my friend Mathew says, it is the “Samurai Sword” of our lives which will cut through all, to clear the loving path for Life to flow.Recently, I wrote “for a long time, my desire to grow came from an internal scarcity of self-worth. I thought that I needed to grow to be loved, to be worthy.” I continued, “Moving forward, I want to source my drive from self love and a desire to care for myself by doing the hard work to actualize my life’s potential to manifest my authentic gifts. I want to serve.” It’s important to understand what ‘self-love’ is beyond the woo-woo definition. What does it mean to actually embody it, and how does it relate to service?This is the essence of a warrior. It’s a relentless devotion to what is right, to fight for that internal sensation of love, and to actualize Truth into the world. It’s courageous and vulnerable and tender while also being strong and firm and capable. It’s a risk, because at any moment, death could come. These deaths may not be literal, but sometimes emotional or spiritual. Warriorhood demands an acceptance of death, of change, of letting go.And as I’ve apprenticed myself to my warrior essence, I’ve found a deep sense of peace and sturdiness internally in the face of those losses. Where before, I would avoid them, run from them, and fear them, now I’m learning to stand before them, and say “Hello death, I am ready for you. Let the battle begin.”It is still just the beginning of this journey for me, and I find myself in moments of utter fear and terror, still sometimes desperate to be held by “Her.” But, so far, I have, at each moment of desperation, managed to bring myself back into regulation. I am learning to believe in myself, and for the first time in my life, know that I am safe as I am, alone with myself.I am still only a fraction of the man I feel I will become, but I have found a path that is right, clear, and important. It is a path I believe I will walk for the rest of my life. And, in our suffering world, we need more men to choose this path. We need more men to hold ourselves to be our highest selves, to sit with our fears, and to own our need to grow. We need to start cultivating our Edge, our warrior essence, our capacity for loving, devotional sacrifice.To that end, if you or a man you know is feeling lost or directionless, alone or without fire in his heart, please know that there is a path, and I am here to listen, to share, to collaborate, and to discover. We need a band of men, an army of loving warriors. We need a revolution of masculinity in our world. I am here as a loving friend, a peer on the journey, a sacred masculine coach, and maybe even a humble teacher. Know that I will make myself available for you, if you ask.And, for the women who have been wounded by us wounded men, know that I and others are working to build a world where you will feel safe to express your truths to us without our collapse, rage, or denial. Without the courage that the women in my life have shown in confronting me, I would not be here. So, thank you to you who have called me up into a better version of myself, and into the man who I am becoming.Thank you, dear reader, for being here along the journey. I am grateful to be able to share some of the experiences I’ve been through. May you receive all the blessings on your path, and may you Earn your own felt and real sense of self love, of power, and of Edge. May you become the Warrior.Love,Faolan Before you go, some logistics:* If you enjoyed Earn It, please subscribe and share it with someone who you know would benefit from reading it. I’m trying to build a real career as a writer, and every little thing helps.* If you feel so called, I invite you to offer a small contribution each month, so that I can continue to write these pieces from a place of more and more abundance.Thank you,FaolanThanks for reading Eat The Strawberry! If you’d like to share this post with someone who would love it, you can do so below. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

Last night, I sat by a river tending fire.The moon was bright in the starry sky, and crickets played background music.I watched the fire burn, coals a deep red under the lighter flame. Sparks climbed upward into the sky. I watched… And, I felt myself itching to do something. I picked up a stick to move the logs around, and then caught myself and said, “No, this would be rushing.” It had occurred to me that the fire didn’t need me to move logs around, and that I felt like adjusting the fire only for my own benefit, but not because it would benefit the fire.It was important realization for me. When I live life, sometimes this is how I interact with people I’m relationship with or with work that I’m doing; I adjust the fire even when it doesn’t need it.This comes from two lacks:* A lack of trust that everything is and always will work our just as it’s meant to, and* A lack of capacity in me to simply let myself enjoy whatever is happening; to be.These two lacks have driven much of my action in life. They’ve made me into a do-er instead of a be-er. I think that both lacks are fairly common in our world. At least, I notice both often in the worlds of my clients.As I sat by the fire, I felt over and over again this urge to move, to change, to adjust. Anyone who has ever meditated will understand this. It’s an unconscious discomfort that’s looking to be eased. Almost a little internal voice that says: ‘This isn’t good enough. Change something.’But, what if nothing has to change?And, rationally, it clicked. While I was tending fire last night, in my brain, I got it. “Ah, this is perfectly well right now, always. I’m okay. Nothing is wrong. I can just be here.”But this is where this idea of Truth Resistance comes in. As I was talking to ChatGPT tonight, it gave me this phrase to describe when our brain rationally knows something but our body is caught in an old trauma response or subconscious belief system. There’s an acknowledgement of the real thing, but it can’t land, almost like it slips off one’s deeper awareness.I had a client describe to me recently that she had been complimented by her loved ones, but was unable to actually let herself receive those compliments. I imagine each compliment streaming toward her, like bullets toward Neo in The Matrix, only for her to unintentionally dodge them all. This is Truth Resistance. It’s the subconsciously driven inability to let what is true land in our nervous systems.Trauma-informed approaches to somatics talk about how our body perceives change from familiarity as unsafe, even if it’s “better” or “safer” for us in reality. When we’ve experienced something difficult in our younger years, we will often create deeply unconscious patterns of behavior to protect ourselves from perceived threats. The key here is that the threats are usually only perceived, not real.So, to come back to the fire. What do we do when we’re in Truth Resistance mode? Perhaps the answer is the same as with the fire: Usually, nothing. Perhaps there’s nothing to do… Or rather, perhaps, we could actively choose to not do anything. There’s a subtle different. Doing nothing is often perceived as lazy or not worthwhile. Whereas “choosing to not do” is actually incredibly powerful, especially when one’s nervous system is yelling: “This isn’t safe or comfortable! Do something to change it! Anything! Please!” And, breathe. Even when our nervous systems are yelling at us that we’re not safe. We can breathe. We can enter into that natural moving stillness, where breath fills us and leaves us and our consciousness witnesses this. We can find safety in the normalcy of our own existence. We can ground ourselves even when we feel “Groundless.”In “When Things Fall Apart,” by Pema Chodron, she writes of this idea of Groundlessness. It’s the experience of our stability falling out from underneath us. She says that feelings like loneliness or fear are forms of Groundlessness, and even boredom. It’s a fundamental rejection of our current state. Some part of us is saying: “This isn’t okay. Something needs to change.” But, maybe, like with the fire, it’s all okay. Maybe we can trust ourselves to keep living the same way the fire will keep burning. Maybe we’re okay. Maybe nothing needs to change. Maybe all that is needed is less doing, more being, more presence, more noticing, more curiosity, more allowing what is.I’ll leave you with a short poem, this fine evening.With trellises of blooms there is naught to do but admire. As the cool breeze flows on a hot day, need anything be done? Peace is not in the doing. Peace is in the being. Do the crickets sing from a place of lack? Does the moon shine to unburden itself of desire? No, the world turns simply because it turns. The truth is in the way we receive to all.Blessings dear readers,FaolanPS. If you like what I write, let me know! I love hearing your reactions PPS. Another thought I had just now (immediately pre publishing) is that the time that fires need the most care and attention are at the beginning and the end, and especially the end. To tend a fire down so that all the wood burns equally demands patience, attention, and intention. Interesting metaphor :)PPPS. Pre-publishing thought number 2: What makes good wood in life? If what’s important when tending fire is to place high quality wood in the right place at the right time, what are all those things, and how can we tell? Would love your thoughts! Eat The Strawberry is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, feel free to share it with someone you love. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

Interviewing Mariana was such a joy! She is amazing. I hope you enjoy this episode! Thanks for listening. If you like it, share with someone who might also like it :)Her company is called Oblique Beauty, which you can learn about here!Her Instagram is here.(I’m sorry about her video getting really low quality around 15 minutes in. It was my bad! An opportunity for me to learn new tools.)Mariana’a Bio:After completing her undergraduate and post graduate studies at the Estonian Business School and the prestigious MGIMO in Moscow, Mariana jump-started her career in the early 2000’s heading up sales, marketing and PR functions as Commercial Director at Marc & Andre Paris – helping to grow the business from a small factory to a leading fashion house selling close to 1 million pieces of under-and-swimming garments in Russia, CIS and Turkey.In her mid-20s in parallel with her Marc&Andre duties, Mariana was intimately involved with the World Fashion Channel as special advisor to the CEO and coordinated the entire PR strategy for WFC, which has a reach in excess of 250 million viewers in Russia, CIS and other parts of the Russian-speaking world.In 2016, Mariana saw an opportunity in the UK beauty sector and acquired a local nail salon and launched the brand Oblique Nails / Beauty. Today Oblique has three locations, several industry awards, over ten thousand clients, and expansion plan now in development. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

On this episode, I dive into my experience of trying to be someone who has “answers” instead of allowing myself to just be human and in the journey. In typical me fashion, I talk about love, mushrooms, God, and all of life. It was really fun to do this, and I’m excited to do more solo episodes in the future.If you have any feedback, please leave a comment! I would also love to hear what you think about the Rilke quote.Here it is if you want to read it again:“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”Much love,Faolan This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe

Hi all! This is the first episode of my new podcast, Eat The Strawberry!Below is the transcript for this episode. If you enjoy, please follow and rate my podcast on your preferred streaming platform! (Spotify, Apple.)—Faolan Sugarman-Lash: On this episode, I interview a friend of mine named Matthew. And he is an entrepreneur and a world traveler and philosopher, I would say. And in this episode, we dive into love and trauma and making the most of life, which is the whole point of this podcast.  And it's just such a beautiful conversation.   It was a joy to interview Matthew he's one of the most articulate and. Wise and grounded people. I know. And so. Yeah, I hope you enjoy. This episode number one of eat the strawberry, the podcast. Thanks for being here. Mathew Hebert: Hello, sir.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Thank you for being here. [00:01:00] It's  Mathew Hebert: truly my pleasure.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: I'm glad because that's the whole point of the show. Um, I was thinking about who in my life I'd want to interview first for a show about making the most of life. And, uh, yeah, in my, my life, in my circles, you're, you know, a person who came to mind about who I really look up to in terms of your capacity to live in integrity with yourself, to fill your life with joy, to speak words in a really intentional way. And yeah, so I'm super excited you're here and grateful to have the chance to explore this together.  Mathew Hebert: Thank you, brother. Thank you for the kind words. the honor is truly all mine. And, I'm humbled and, can echo the same sentiments about you as well. So thank you for having me on. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: You're welcome. And thanks for being here. So, I would love to start by just telling the audience a little bit about how we met, [00:02:00] because I think that that will funnel us into, uh, Making life an awesome adventure. So I met Matthew at the airport in Costa Rica, at this little shop and I was standing behind you in line. And I remember you had a really cool necklace on and I immediately got just totally a vibrational hit of like, I need to talk to this guy. And so I just said, Hey, cool necklace, I think. And yeah, the rest is history. We both were going to the same music festival envision, and then paths kept crossing there. And Now we've seen each other all over the world And yeah, so it's been such an adventure even in the last, what, year and a half of knowing you. And yeah, would love to hear a little bit about what brought you to that festival, what you remember of, meeting, and yeah.  Mathew Hebert: Sure. So I, distinctly remember that interaction [00:03:00] as well at the airport. And I believe we even took it one step further and took the bus ride together which was about a three to four hour ride. Uh, Journey from San Jose to a beautiful Pacific coastal area of Costa Rica called Uvita, where this festival Envision was taking place, and I think that Bus ride really solidified our opportunity to get to spend a lot of time and space together as I got to know you pretty intimately on that ride alone and also felt The similar vibrational connection where I thought, okay, this is a human being that I would love to have in my life and spend some more time with and get to know deeper. And as [00:04:00] you alluded to our time at the festival was extraordinary and crisscrossed paths a tremendous amount, spent a lot of sacred moments together, and that's allowed our relationship to have become this really expansive abundance, of friendship over the past year and a half. And we'll shortly be coming up on our two year anniversary soon. And the genesis of me attending that festival was extremely spontaneous. Very spur of the moment. It was loosely on my radar, and I was down in the country of Colombia, and a friend of mine called me named Heidi, and I had met her camping at Burning Man at a wonderful camp called Ashram Galactica in 2019.[00:05:00]  And she reached out to me out of the blue and said we need a little extra help with our build team and offered me a ticket in exchange for my physical services and I immediately accepted. The flight from Colombia to San Jose is very short. There's direct flights, and I saw it as a wonderful opportunity to continue to put myself in situations around this planet, energetic vortexes, where the best. People exist like yourself. And so almost right before the festival, I accepted this wonderful invitation and went to help build these structures four to five days. Prior to Envision, which would become these extravagant balanis style eco [00:06:00] VIP cabanas and that was my foot in the door for Envision and there were so there was such an abundance of wonderful humanity to come out of that for me. Such an energy, such a beautiful, energetic space. And certainly the reason we're sitting here today. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Totally forgot about the bus ride, but you're right. That was where it all started. And one of the things that happened on that bus ride is that you were talking with some people in Columbia about your project that you're working on there. And I'd love to go into that later and how that has all come up. Um, it strikes me that the people listening to this might not know you as well as I do. And so, and it's an opportunity for me to get to know you better too. And I was looking at your LinkedIn today because I was like, what is, what's Matthew's journey been like? And many, many years [00:07:00] ago, according to your LinkedIn profile, you worked at IBM in IT, I think. Um, is that correct?  Mathew Hebert: Yeah. Well, I didn't even remember I had a LinkedIn That's crazy. . That thing hasn't been updated in probably almost 15 years. so, out of university age, I went the traditional route, with a corporate job and, very quickly realized that that was not, a path that I was ever going to walk. Um, Ialways had had a tremendous amount of, entrepreneurial presence in my life. I can give my father a lot of credit for, forging his own path. And although it was, as far as corporate jobs go, it was great. Flexible hours, the, corporate credit card, the whole nine. Uh, I knew that it was not a [00:08:00] place where my soul really felt at home. And, uh, the, the money aspect of it was very secondary to how I felt every day, having to put on a suit and tie and, go to a place that, didn't really strike me as a, a forever home. And, so I, quickly realized that, that that was not going to be, uh, uh, a forever situation for me and retreated from that existence and fell into, the event planning world, starting here in Washington, DC. And was able to, through a number of different wonderful humans and, and, and stepping stools build a, a wonderful event, uh, planning practice here in Washington, and then, be very fortunate to have hosted some, [00:09:00] events, all over the world. And, that was absolutely the, the, the pillar, for what we'll segue into later and what I'm embarking on right now. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Yeah. Beautiful. And thanks for sharing for people. I was shocked to see that you had worked in corporate and the sentence that stuck with me from what you just said is that It didn't feel like the place that could be a forever home. It didn't feel right in your soul. And I'm imagining you at 23 or 22 or however old you were. And yeah, there's this quality about you even then that I, I didn't know you then, but there was a quality about you of this doesn't land intuitively for you that I'm picking up on. And I'm wondering that intuition, that sense of self, that Way of being in the world that you have. How have you cultivated that then and now, and [00:10:00] what does that mean for you? What is that?  Mathew Hebert: Sure. So, frankly, that I'm even shocked that that was brought up because, uh, it's, uh, it's, it's not something that many people know about, frankly. It's not something that I, I, I rarely, openly speak about it because it was such a. A brief snippet of my life in a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, as they say, um, but in now that I am consciously thinking about it, perhaps it was a pivotal moment as all of the moments are in our life where we have the opportunity to go left or right. And, um, I think at the time I was, very much still figuring myself out, which frankly is, is a forever journey. And,I felt like, okay, I should do what everyone else is doing. I had a number of friends up in New [00:11:00] York city that Came out of university and got high powered, high paying jobs in Manhattan, and I think at the time I felt like, well, maybe that's what I should be doing too. And, uh, but I guess, uh, to your point, I have always had a certain intuition, although at the time it was like baby intuition, you know, but I still felt it. that this isn't serving me. And, um, I think it's something that I've absolutely cultivated, a thousand fold over the years, to be able to intuitively and very easily and very quickly decide, what frequencies are going to serve my life. What support systems to invite in and then what energies are best to let flow around me and wish them well, uh, on their journey with grace. [00:12:00] And so, um, I, you know, I can't, there's not really one particular thing I can point to, in terms of cultivating that. What I can say though, is that, uh, throughout the years since, that. Opportunity. I've continued to intentionally surround myself with, uh, people and environments and communities, where I could learn and be hyper curious and hyper spongy to, information and resonance that was far beyond my own, sort of, as the cliche goes, it's good to be the dumbest person in the room. Only if you're willing to, to learn and grow from, from, from that ethos. And, uh, fortunately for myself, ever since I was a child, I've always been a, an, an insanely [00:13:00] curious creature. And, since that, corporate gig, with, I-B-M-I-I flourished in environments. Where I felt like that everyone in the room was far more advanced than I was, and then figuring out ways to get to those levels by, uh, integrating certain pieces of various puzzles, that were gonna, um, fit, fit my greater tapestry. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Yeah, I'm sorry for springing that on you. It sounds like it was no,  Mathew Hebert: it's all good. It's all good. That's great. That's great.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: I was just thinking about how normal that is, you know, to go into a typical career path. And, you know, you and I very, very quickly, both of us realized that that's not what we want. And, um, Sure. This idea of, of putting yourself around the people and in the [00:14:00] spaces where you can feel intuitively the vibration that maybe there's something here to learn. I think that hearing you say that it's something about you. That is so. Real and the humility that you always have and carry to have that. And, I feel like that, you know, could segue us in. You said that there was a time 11, 10 years ago, your first burn, I imagine was probably one of those. Oh, wow. This is a different experience, a different feeling, that you could learn from. So would love to hear some of that story.  Mathew Hebert: Yeah, that's a wonderful segue. Um, so, uh, a decade ago, I was sort of at the precipice of, of my own personal growth journey. and, And I had a pause you and just what does that  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: mean to be at the precipice of your personal [00:15:00] growth journey?  Mathew Hebert: well, I was undergoing a huge life shift and there was a number of factors in my life from, switching, pivoting within the event industry.  a failed relationship. starting to come to the realization that, perhaps the people that had served me in my early to mid twenties were, were not the individuals that I wanted to walk the path with moving forward. Um, and so that. all started happening, right at the precipice of Burning Man. And, uh, they always say, you know, things come into your life when they're meant to. And, certainly Burning Man was one of those things, ironically, not dissimilar from the Envision Festival. [00:16:00] It really wasn't on my radar. Um, I have a great friend who, has attended me, Burning Man with me every single year, since that moment and it was, Brett, Podesky and, He was the, initiator of my Burning Man, journey, as it were. Uh, he was friendly with a gentleman who ran a camp there and was offered two slots at the camp. And, I feel very honored that I was his, first thought about attending this, this event in the desert. And so I immediately said yes, because why not? Right. And I love adventure. And this is Matthew, at, you know, 20, 27, 28 years old. I love adventure. I [00:17:00] love a good party and it's the greatest party in the galaxy. So let's give this thing a go. little did I know at the time, just how profound of an impact this, utopian mirage metropolis, as I, lovingly refer to it. Would totally alter the course of my life. And it's very interesting that since the moment I stepped onto the playa where I had this in the playa is what we refer to as the desert.  I had this electricity bolt. flow through me the very first step, like Neil Armstrong landing on the moon or something. And I immediately knew that, first of all of the skills that I had acquired in life up until that point were built for this place. So I had an immediate sense of comfort, which is not true with [00:18:00] everyone out there.  it's a very challenging event and environment. but since that moment, I can very distinctly trace the woven thread domino effect, to exactly where I am right now and what I'm doing. And that's, pretty miraculous.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: I would love to hear more about what it is exactly you're doing now. I mean, I know some of it, but I feel that that might help illuminate some of what you're talking about. Mathew Hebert: Sure. to give some, context on how Burning Man has, led me to, where I am right now. I had never been in a situation or environment where I felt like all 80, 000 people [00:19:00] were at a greater level of consciousness than I was, I had never been exposed to an environment that was so loving, so supportive, where the currency is love. The currency is, gifting all of the creative elements that people spend all year. Manifesting and then physically building. It's all for the people. And in the default world, as we refer to it at Burning Man, I had been in some wonderful situations with extraordinary people, but I never, In fact, I don't think there's anywhere else on planet Earth where such a baptism through love can occur. And that really impacted me strongly throughout that week. And I was fortunate to [00:20:00] meet a plethora of divine guiding lights at that first Burning Man, some of whom lived in, in Latin America. And, I was fortunate to be put in a Spanish immersion program when I was five years old, by my beautiful mother, Brenda. And, it sort of clung to my soul. And so pairing the opportunity to Continue to journey to Latin America, but not just as a traveler now, but as someone who is, staying with and bearing witness to what people are creating there, was really profound and planted the seed many years ago that I've henceforth been watering and that has led me to. My own project right [00:21:00] now, in the beautiful country of Columbia. And, for the past two years have embarked on this, not even new chapter of my life, but the whole new novel of, building out a land project, the mountains, of Columbia about an hour and a half outside of. Of Medellin and, with the idea, that's sort of twofold. Uh, one is for personal, sovereignty, and sovereignty for. those closest to me, my friends and family to be able to create a Eden, as, as much outside the influence of societal trains of thought of, societal norms of government influence, to be able to create a life of freedom. And [00:22:00] then the outwardly expanding, of, of the property directly comes from Burning Man, where I was able to, over the last decade, bear witness to, just how much this, community really, it's more than an event. It's a, it's a, it's a community, uh, how much each individual. is impacted through love and support at Burning Man. And then like a dandelion flower, those seedlings get redisbursed into the default world. And witnessing how many similar things to Burning Man that have popped up globally even just in the past decade, is, is extraordinary. And that speaks to the effect. That this one week a year is having. On a [00:23:00] global scale and the way that it's, changing hearts and minds for the better. And so if, over the course of, a couple of years or decades or a lifetime, through this, uh, conscious event space, if I'm able to, um, anyone who walks through the doors, uh, for whatever modality it's for, or if it's just to come and hang out. And get a little, uh, extra piece of, of serenity. if I'm able to redisperse those dandelion flowers, uh, seedlings back into the default world, perhaps I'll have left, a small footprint through love over the course of my life, Faolan Sugarman-Lash: it's really beautiful. A sentence you said about your first burning man was that it was a baptism through love. And that you really needed that [00:24:00] and hearing the purpose behind what you're building now and how that you want to offer that to other people, that feeling of safety of retreat from the default and into this serenity maybe, or, or love or beyondness, but also being here ness at the same time. Um, yeah, I'm really inspired by that. And I'm also curious for you, like how you navigate. Relating to love is really the question that I want to ask.  Mathew Hebert: Sure. Well, let me start out by saying that, a philosophy that I've come to know over the years, alluding to what you just mentioned about the beyondness as well as the here ness, when I think about these, these concepts that are in duality, I try and think of, oneness [00:25:00] and that. Everything like the yin and yang, although they may be two separate parts, they create a whole. And so, one, beautiful concept, around that, that I believe I've helped some people with over the years is coming to the understanding that, we only experienced deep grief because we've known deep love and that it's it's two sides of the same coin. And so I try not to think about these things as separate. But as, the greater parts of, of oneness. And, as far as how I've cultivated, the, deepening of, my own love throughout the years, it it's come from a tremendous amount of. of healing, of shedding, trauma, inherited trauma. Every human on this planet inherits [00:26:00] a certain level of programming from their parents, from society, from, expectations, from friends and, relatives. And, I think, the majority of, The past decade has been unwinding that programming, and being able to, feel like I'm alchemically changing pain into love. First and foremost for myself, because once we are able to, discernibly change and transmute pain into love, we then free up space as we're shedding the old.  which is a necessary process, in nature, we then can invite in the new and when we're inviting in the new, that integration is, literally done through a rewiring of our heart, of our DNA, of our, neural [00:27:00] pathways, and we can then feel like along this path. That we become the most authentic versions of ourself and it's, a forever journey for sure. but at this current point in, time and space, on some level, I feel like I've achieved that for the first time and understanding who I am. As, a human being and, and the things that, that I desire through love, for myself and then being able to speak. From a place of authentic truth through love, and once that process is feels like it's somewhat complete, it never is. But once you really start to understand the self through love, which takes a tremendous amount of of pain, frankly, but again, two sides of the same coin. We can then be [00:28:00] expansive, without love and, hopefully, invite others into this, miracle that we've been able to bear witness, for ourselves. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Boy, there's so much in there. I've been thinking a lot about this question for the podcast and it's really an intuition of why I'm here doing this. And there's the intellectual reason for me being here and interviewing people and bringing this work into the world. And it's really to make the most of life and what that is. But then there's the emotional calling to this or the spiritual calling. And The more I've really been sitting with the question, the intellectual question, the more this spiritual knowing has come out of how capable can we be? How big can our capacity be to feel love, to feel, [00:29:00] And like you said, with the wholeness of love, both the pain and the love, the grief and the, maybe the joy, like it's all part of this, this aliveness. And so listening to you speak, I'm, I'm called back into that calling or idea of, of what this is for and what gift I really would love to deliver to the world from our conversation and from all the conversations I'm having. And I think that the idea of shedding, shedding something in order to let in or create space or, or feel have a higher capacity. That's really like, it I think, like you said, and yeah, it is about trauma and it is  Mathew Hebert: about,  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: yeah, go ahead.  Mathew Hebert: Yeah. And it's a supremely challenging process because, most of this, stuff that we inherited since we were [00:30:00] conscious in the womb, is this subconscious psychosomatic programming. And, unfortunately, I think most people have never been given the opportunity to become aware that their human vessel is being exclusively driven by programming that is, is, not of their own. Thank you. And it's, when they say enlightenment or awakening, in my eyes, it's the first moment, the first aha moment, the first step through the door of realizing that, basically your entire life, is being driven by, programming from the word go. Parents, schools, relatives, you know, you go to kindergarten and you go to first grade and then here's the curriculum, and so on and so forth. Go to university, [00:31:00] marry the girl, get the house. And I don't think a lot of people have ever been given the opportunity. To come back to authenticity in a way where they, they find themselves. Although I do feel, there is a conscious awakening in the world right now and, feel very blessed to be a part of that, a second coming, if you will, over the past 50 years.  and it couldn't happen at a, at a more necessary time, but it's, perhaps giving the gift. through the project that I'm embarking on of this, awakening that I think is, a really, profound and necessary, gift through, through love so that people can have the opportunity to, build an authentic truth within themselves and then be able to give from, from a space of love and authenticity.[00:32:00]  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Yeah. I'd love to live in that world. I mean, I, we do, but you're, you're well  Mathew Hebert: on the way, brother. You're well on the way, my friend.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: And I think we all are right in just that the conscious awakening that's happening, hopefully not everyone. Well, hopefully as a collective, we might move in that of, of awakening and yeah, that first moment where for me, I remember I was, uh, sitting on a bench in New Zealand and I've told the story a lot of times, so I won't go into a lot of detail, but basically I realized for the first time that my soul was mine in a felt embodied somatic way that the life that I was living was my life. Not a life that [00:33:00] was constructed by these preconceived notions, or as you put it, unconscious psychosomatic programming, which is so real. And I see that in, in my work. And so, yeah, bringing this around back into this trauma piece and the shedding, I would love to just get your thoughts on how an enlightening moment fits into a letting go, which fits into a letting in, if that makes sense. Mathew Hebert: Absolutely. So somewhere along the way, I started to become aware of, my own psychosomatic subconscious programming and bringing that into consciousness. And that's a very challenging thing to do because it's very painful. You realize that, you've basically been Living a lie most of your life and, that's a very hard thing for a lot of people to grapple with.  [00:34:00] but in, in bringing a lot of this trauma to the surface, I was then, uh, I think the most, the most powerful part of it was, self forgiveness for a lot of the mistakes that I had made in the past. accountability for myself. in those moments, which I think is, is very challenging. It's very easy to, brush off when you can say, Oh, you know, I, I did this because of X, Y, Z, or, or you're constantly pushing the blame aside, um, to really being, uh, really taking accountability for my life and being able to look at myself in the mirror. And say, you know, there were moments where I was not a good human being and I, hurt people along the way that I cared about. And, I don't want to do that anymore. And [00:35:00] how can I become the person that I know I can become? And a lot of that starts with forgiving the self for those errors and mistakes. And once we can do that, then we can become expansive with the forgiveness. And, without getting too deep into it, there was a number of, of very important people in my life, that I had to forgive as well for not knowing how to love me in the right way, because they weren't loved themselves in the right way. And, it was through self forgiveness, the forgiveness of others through love, and then subsequently, bringing to the table, real conversations that at the time were terrifying, uh, telling someone you deeply care about that, you feel a tremendous amount of anger towards them because of the way that you were [00:36:00] treated and, just laying and putting all the cards on the table. And there's a lot of tears involved and, your only hope in that situation is that once you put your truth out there that it will be well received, but you never know until you try. And, fortunately in, in my case, it was real well received. and these, important people in my life are now walking the path with me, which is really beautiful. but it takes a lot of courage. to engage in any of those steps that I mentioned, never mind all of them, but that is the process of shedding. And only then can the, can the new be invited in. And I also think that once you're able to speak from a place of, true authenticity. And [00:37:00] you're, putting it out there, into the world, into a given situation or, with an individual, it's a wonderful filter system for who deserves to be in your orbit. And who doesn't. I love to say that all life is information and our power simply lies in what we do with that information. And so if, you put your truth out there and it is coming from a place of, authenticity and love, and it's not received. How you envisioned it being received, or it's not received with at least a level of empathy or compassion to attempt to understand. that's probably a good, moment to say, well, maybe this situation or individual isn't As supportive in my life right now on this journey, as I thought they were and [00:38:00] let that flow through you with, grace and love and wish them well on their journey. And, stark reality is, time is both our greatest asset. And our, our greatest, mortal enemy in this human form, this iteration as Matthew, and, I've come to a very simple conclusion that, the rest of my days, the rest of my breaths, will be spent in spaces and places, where there is at least, a cohesive, Intention for empathy and compassion as I'm speaking my truth, and if there's not, c'est la vie, the world's a big beautiful place, and I've just got too much to do. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Thank you for sharing all of that, and the journey that you described is one that I, [00:39:00] am on, have been on and help my clients on. And that first bit you mentioned of realizing that you've been living a lie and how painful that is. For so many people, you know, a lot of my clients talk to me about the grief that they feel for having lived 40 or 50 years in a way that's not authentic and not aligned. And then just that step one, right? And then there's changing all of the dynamics and relationships, addressing old pains, letting go of the trauma, letting go of belief systems, uh, and having the courage along every step. So it's, really. It's beautiful to hear and see you doing that and having done that and to feel, you know, in our shared connection, what life can feel like on that journey between people on that journey, uh, [00:40:00] especially somewhat far along maybe. And there's this idea that you've brought up a few times of living from your deepest, most real authentic self. And when you bring your truth to life, if life doesn't react the way you might want, then that's, that's okay. Cause the truth remains and the path remains. And the question I have in here for you is really around this idea of truth and living a truth or speaking a truth and how to tell, uh, what Is that subconscious belief programming or fear or trauma speaking or living versus what is truth or authenticity living through you and and if there's an embodied felt sense of those things being different for you. Mathew Hebert: Oh, absolutely. [00:41:00] It's not really, it's, it's, it's very hard to put into words because it's not a, it's not something you can feel or touch and perhaps that's what, uh, you know, we allude to as our soul or religion refers to as God. I'd like to just say the consciousness of the universe and, through that entire process that I just went through, as you become more in tune with the self, there is a resonance to everything.  I think the language of the universe is frequency and vibration. And as you start to hone and refine your own tuning fork, you get a lot better at feeling situations through vibration and frequency. And you can just feel it in your [00:42:00] body. what feels right and what feels wrong. And there's not really a word for that. You can say I feel good or I feel bad. I mean that pales in comparison to to, to what's actually taking place, but there becomes this intrinsic feeling, almost like if you were in a dark alley and you felt someone walking behind you are, fight or flight. In this, extremely Darwinian evolution type of way, the alarm bells start to go off.  or if you're sitting in a beautiful meadow, listening to a river flow and there's butterflies flying around you, you haven't equal. equally profound reaction, and that's about as close to,, explaining what happens within the body. and when you get really good at it, those [00:43:00] reactions now become your subconscious programming through your own truth, and you're not even having to make conscious decisions anymore and stop and think. Is this going to be good for me? Or is this going to be bad for me? You intuitively can feel it in your soul. And it becomes just such a very easy, , flow of, life. Once that takes place and, deciding, , which doors to walk through and, which path to choose.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: That was very cool. what you just said and It's not something that I've experienced, or maybe I have in little bits, but it sounds like is that what I'm referring to specifically is that moment or evolution where the subconscious programming becomes the, the feeling of rightness or wrongness like that, that knowing that intuition, that indescribable mystical [00:44:00] flow becomes just life and how you are embodied in life. And yeah, it's not something I've. Fully embodied or experienced in all of my time on this planet yet, which is great because there's stuff to learn and places to go. so what is life like in that way of being? What do you find? Yeah, you know, if you can remember five years ago or 10 years ago, what feels different now? Mathew Hebert: well, time is the great, the great teacher. And I have a couple of years on you, my young Jedi. And, it has been over the course of, time. that I've continued to refine that skill set. And I could make the simple analogy of of playing the violin or shooting a basketball. if you want to get really good at it, you've got to put in the hours. It's not many people are are [00:45:00] given with The, the, the born gift to come out of the womb and play Mozart. It's, it normally takes thousands of hours of practice, but it is through that practice that, for someone who has been playing at a, at a concerto level or orchestral level for 30 years. It just becomes them and they could probably put that violin down for 10 years and pick it up and it's just like riding a bike and it's the same with developing that skill set for ourselves and moving it from the conscious into the subconscious programming where it just becomes you. It takes a lot of time. And a lot of intention and a whole lot of love and, that's the word you'll constantly hear me come back to is, doing these practices and engaging in situations [00:46:00] through the most love that we can feel. And I do have a belief system around a conscious universe and the karmatic law.  that we know all too well. And, I do believe that, over the course of the last five or 10 years, as my own capacity to love. has gotten deeper within myself and I'm able to handle situations, through love that perhaps I wasn't able to in past iterations of myself, that there is a, a very conscious universe that rewards that, tenfold. And, How it feels is, living in, a beautiful state of gratitude and, just being very observant to the miracle of life. in every moment and, being open [00:47:00] to seeing and receiving all of the abundance that it comes with. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Yeah. Well said. I imagine, or I'll just speak about my own experience. I find it difficult to maintain that all the time. It's definitely there in me. And sometimes I feel this and I notice in my life when I am veering off of my rightness path, when I take a left turn and maybe drive for a year or six months in the wrong direction, the feeling and the felt experience of gratitude, of, of noticing the miracle of life lessens for me. And there's something about that, that I feel you might have some things to say.  Mathew Hebert: we have to fail in order to succeed. That is one of those oneness, duality, [00:48:00] same side of the coin things. And if we never try, then we never fail, then we can never learn from those experiences. And Lord knows I've failed infinite amount of times in my life.  personally, professionally, relationships, but I fortunately within myself had the capacity to learn. And the desire to want to better myself. And there's that old saying, you can only take the horse to the water, but you can't make it drink. And, I've had the desire to drink my whole life. I've had that fire within me, but people have to find that within themselves. And it is through. That constant refinement of the self, as I mentioned, over many years that will go with another analogy here. [00:49:00] When you, picture a labyrinth, this expansive maze that is our own life. And at the center is Valhalla, or whatever we want to call it, infinite love. And, that's the end of our life, in human form at least. And, the more that as we start going through this labyrinth, we, as you mentioned, we tend to hit a lot of dead ends. And then you're kind of wasting time and you're having to double back to find the right path. but the goal is, through that personal refinement through love and through those, somatic energetic subconscious experiences now where we can, feel life better. We are hitting less and less and less and less dead ends. And that creates a [00:50:00] fluidity of life that I do believe allows one to live in a space of mostly constant gratitude and, happiness and abundance and an observation of the miracle of everything. And it's funny, I actually had someone, a few weeks ago. When I mentioned to them this type of concept, and they said to my face, and it wasn't offensive or anything. They just have never known this. They said, I don't think it's possible to feel that way. this particular individual just spent the last three weeks with me. And at the end of that time, they looked at me again and they said, it's possible. I get it. And I said, me too. Yeah.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Oh, that's so good. Yeah. It's one of those things that I I've really learned from you and, and seen in you [00:51:00] too, there was that moment. I remember we were sitting. in Milan and eating pizza. And that was an awesome conversation. And one of the things that I remember from that conversation is just realizing that I think we were talking about you. And I was like, is this guy real, you know, and, and is this possible? And just to actually like live in such a profound state of, Blissful gratitude, even through the trials and tribulations of your life, which are real, you know, they must be, you're human. And so, that's something that I really admire about you and, have strived to learn and embody and, Yeah. It's really cool hearing about this person in your life too.  Mathew Hebert: Yeah. And it all ties together, my friend. I mean, that is the process of, shedding the old and replacing the new and being able to come at life, from the most authentic [00:52:00] loving space that we can. and that's all it is. the whole ball of, web, the whole, tapestry, everything is, interconnected as this Theme of, of oneness and the ability to feel that way, was taking all of those steps along the way and, being able to really develop new, new ways of, feeling love within myself and, also new neural pathways and ways of thinking, and exploring my own truth And being able to reframe things from a negative into a positive. And it's really that simple instead of looking, at a situation, as being detrimental to my life, I say, okay, well, how can I overcome this obstacle? through love to the best of my ability with this incredible support system I've surrounded myself with. And, how can I learn from it? And, in that way, there's also [00:53:00] a subconscious. Constant refinement, that takes place and you're always growing. You're always learning. You're always getting better and nothing is perceived as a failure anymore. Just opportunities to, learn and grow. And it's through that. reframing process that I think is able to keep me in, such happy spirits most of the time. And, and in a state of, mostly constant gratitude for, the privilege of this life that we've been gifted.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: It's so beautiful. And it's wild to me that you're sub 40. On this, this lifetime. I'm so excited to know that you, you know,  Mathew Hebert: like most there, but yeah, we, we will,  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: well, we will long. Um, yeah, it's, I'm just like feeling really called into [00:54:00] witnessing what we're talking about here and how. It's like, I don't like using the word level because I don't love comparing self or, or ideas, but it's pretty high level, the stuff we're talking about, you know, in order to have a conversation like this, I think it requires having done a lot of those steps earlier around letting go around acknowledging the self and the lie and pivoting and all that stuff. And, I guess that what I'm really curious about here is. If you were to, meet someone, along in this life journey or this, this person who you met, right, like what's the process by which someone who doesn't believe that life can feel this way can come into believing that life can feel this way? Yeah. Well, I think first and foremost, the individual has to have the capacity to be able to learn and grow within themselves. Mathew Hebert: The, you can take the horse to the [00:55:00] water, but the horse has to drink. analogy is so simple, and yet it's so true and so. No matter what I do. at the end of the day, that individual has to undergo that process within themselves, and if they're unwilling to or unable to, then it doesn't really matter what I am or what anyone else is anyways, right? you know, you can, listen to. a thousand, Tony Robbins podcasts and you can drink ayahuasca a hundred times. but until you're willing to internally take the steps to change, all of that stuff is just wispy fodder out here. And, I was just myself. The whole time I really had to do nothing other than just be, and it was through the way that I've decided to live, and perhaps some of the [00:56:00] magnetism that I've gained along the way. And, the way they were able to observe me in challenging situations, come at it from a place of love, was impactful, to this individual, where they were able to observe, ingest this information, and then realize they had the capacity. Within themselves, to change. And so, what is it all about, right? when we think about these extraordinary figures throughout history, Buddha, Allah, God, Jesus, the list goes on and on and on, throughout, uh, human history. it comes back to love. And the more that we can embody that first and foremost for ourselves, then we can pour from a cup that's full and be expansive with it. [00:57:00] We, need not have to do anything, but just be ourselves. And for the people that do have that capacity and desire to change within themselves, that's enough. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: There's two things in here. One, beautiful. I love what you said about the embodied love and just being yourself. And that's all that one needs to do. I think that's so true. And it's something I've, I hear from my clients that it's not always the questions I ask or the things I say, but the energy I bring into a space that is the healing part. it's the, The level of authenticity or love that we can carry in ourselves, in our bodies, and then burst with almost, so I just really appreciated that and counter on the other side of that for me, like in this [00:58:00] podcast is also this idea of just overthinking. You know, it's my first podcast back in a while. And I'm like, Oh, what's the best question? What are the listeners going to think? You know, what's Matthew thinking? And then there's just letting that go and embodying a state of love, which is so much richer and, and more beautiful because. What will be said and heard and received and felt in that is, you know, transcendent to the best question that I could come up with from my rational self, from my thought brain. Mathew Hebert: So, yeah, I think love is transcendent to life in general. I think because my belief system is that the language of the universe is vibration and frequency that this energetic field That we're putting out and that can be through a lot of different emotions. when it's done through this expansive love [00:59:00] that, it becomes eternal. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: I have a question for you. It's going back a little, that was really beautiful. And this is on the last thing you said. I just wanted to catch it, which is, you said, if people have the capacity or interest to learn or grow, then they will, if you, if the horse wants to drink, then it will. I, I think that's true. And I also like. Seems kind of scary that some people might not have that, or not want to have that. And even in myself, I recognize that sometimes I don't want to have that. You know, sometimes I want to just dissociate and watch TV and not have to feel through the pain. And so I recognize in myself, that same horse who is sitting next to the water and being like, nah. so I just, yeah, any pieces of thoughts, beliefs around that.  Mathew Hebert: Sure life is best lived [01:00:00] in equilibrium in some kind of balance. And, I've even seen people in the spiritual community go too far, with the pendulum and, are too deep in the healing modalities to see the forest through the trees. And so there has to be some level of balance. There has to be some level of time spent. alone feeling and discerning, those feelings, but there has to be some time for, healing as well. and perhaps some time to just switch our brains off and that's okay too. And all of that stuff lives in some level of equilibrium and in every person's life. And it's about finding what works [01:01:00] for each individual, to be able to feel the hard stuff, to be able to really enjoy the beautiful stuff. And occasionally to be able to just say, screw it all and watch Netflix. You know, , I think we're constantly told, especially in, some of these spiritual communities that this is bad or that's bad, well, what is right and wrong anyways, and I always have thought. That each human life is so unique. Each set of circumstances and what we inherit, is so unique that it really has to be felt and understood by the individual and every single person's journey, to get to that place. it's going to be, it's going to be different and we're very fortunate to have, a lot of tools and support systems today.  but the, end, [01:02:00] product of, what someone is, going to ultimately become or not become is really on them and I think. In order to continue the personal ascension, as it were, that there has to be some level of balance, and that's with everything in life. If you're giving 90 percent to a situation that's only giving 10 percent back to you, unless you're a fool.  you're probably not going to stay in that dynamic, and so that is a simple analogy for ourselves. If we're giving 90 percent to X, Y, Z, then we're only able to give 10 percent to something else, and that's an imbalance that rarely works, and it's up to each person, to figure out what that feels like for them. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Yeah, that feels really [01:03:00] real. And what you said in there is, we all have ownership of our own lives. And I really love how you put a lot of that because there was no judgment in there. I think that's something about you also I'm noticing is you're just not a very judgmental person at all. And. this equilibrium or balance, you know, it's all okay. Like how it is now, we all are okay how we are now. And paradoxically, in that whole yin yang thing, there is an opportunity to grow, and there's an opportunity to elevate, and learn. And so, and I, I feel how difficult it is sometimes, like the real shedding process that happens hopefully many times in our lives. And when I went through a coming of age program, when I was a kid, they described it as a crayfish shell, which I love because These crayfish get bigger and bigger and [01:04:00] over and over need to let their shells die and leave them behind in order to have a new one. And in that transition period, there's, there's just rawness, right? There's no exoskeleton. And so in this shedding process, it's super vulnerable. It's super. dangerous even in a way, because it exposes our, ourselves to the world. And, I don't really know if I have a question here, but I just really appreciated what you were saying, because it's not, it's not so forceful. I think that that's something that I've struggled with is this idea of maybe spiritual perfectionism or like rushing.  Mathew Hebert: Well, the only thing we're forcing is ourselves. Where we are most of the time, our own worst enemy. And you mentioned the lack of judgment and that's been a learned practice for me. That isn't something that. necessarily came [01:05:00] naturally. but first and foremost, as with everything that I've said today, it starts with the self and it's about releasing judgment or as the kids today would call FOMO. it's about releasing that for ourselves. And realizing that as mentioned, each human life is going to be so unique because of the, vastly different perspectives that we're, coming at life through and the things we're having to deal with, internally and externally that once we can, we can release judgment or FOMO for ourselves, we can then walk at our own pace and not feel rushed for anything based on, exterior circumstances. And I think that's a really powerful thing that, [01:06:00] that, I've done my best to embody these days. is just, dancing to the beat of, my own DJ and hell with the rest, you know, I know that this is what I want and this is what I'm going to do. And, there's really no rush, to get anywhere as long as I'm staying intentional with, the things that I want to achieve. within myself , and the exterior world. And, a lot of that has to do with just releasing the, judgment, for ourselves.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Yes. So much in there. There's a quote literally sitting on my, computer screen that says, do what I want and happily miss out on everything else. It's from Cal Newport. I don't know if you know him, but just really exemplifies what you just said. And it also another story from my life popped up while I was listening to you of. walking the Camino in Spain, and everyone [01:07:00] walks at their own pace. And it was a big lesson for me that you're reminding me of, of some people are gonna pass me. Some people are gonna fall behind some friends I might have for a period of time, and then they might want to go at a different pace or move to a different part of the journey. And there's this This releasing of the rest of the world, there's a release of control of everything else outside of oneself in order to simply just walk and enjoy the journey of life as it is. But so, Being  Mathew Hebert: able to stay present to the miracle of everything and, the rest of the noise is, is just that. And then you can sort of live in this constant state of gratitude. be thankful for the person that may come into your life for one minute or one day or [01:08:00] one year or the, the soft breeze that, that allows you to feel, some universal beauty that only lasts for 30 seconds.  and I think it's, those, it's that intentional presence of sacredness that allows us to release that judgment. And, walk at our own pace, knowing that the, love and the, intention behind that love will, take us wherever we need to go.  Faolan Sugarman-Lash: So beautiful. I'm getting the intuitive feeling that we're coming to a close on this conversation. I don't really know why, but it feels like that's happening. before we do any, anything else that you want to share, anything you want to name or speak?  Mathew Hebert: Well, I am just. Extraordinarily grateful for you, [01:09:00] for the opportunity to express myself, in, in such a wonderful way. And I couldn't think of doing it, with, a better human, someone I know that'll be in my life for, for, for many, many moons to come. And just really feeling grateful for. All the things that have happened in my life, good or bad, that have led me to, being able to, speak from, from this type of place and space. And, you know, up upwards and onwards and here we go. And, let's. Continue the, building of, dreams and continue the unyielding support for each other. And, if we can, if we can literally walk flow through life. [01:10:00] And try and think about leaving every situation, not just with a person, every flower we see, every tree we touch, every molecule of air that we flow through because of this frequency of love that this aura we've built around ourself. If we can leave each micro moment in a better place that we found, then we found it. I think at the end of our breaths in this. iteration of conscious human life. , we can be thankful and we can think I had a life well lived. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: What!? That was so beautiful. I'm just like, I was feeling, I'm feeling that, , carrying ourselves with an aura of love through each micro moment of life so that we can leave everything a little bit better. [01:11:00] Wow. What, what an incredible philosophy and ethos to live with. Matthew, thank you for being here, , not just here on this podcast, but here. in this life and present with me and with yourself. And, , yeah, I'm excited for more adventures to come with us. And  Mathew Hebert: yes, sir. Look forward to seeing you down south soon. My brother love you. And, , yeah, it's, , , it's just a continuation of, , of everything that we discussed and, uh, just so grateful for you. Faolan Sugarman-Lash: Likewise.  Thank you, everyone, for listening. It's really nice to be back doing podcasts. I really enjoyed talking with Matthew. Yeah, as you can tell, he is so articulate in how he chooses his words and uses his language to describe things that are really hard to describe. So it was good to talk to him. if you'd like to follow up with either of us, feel free to email me at [01:12:00] hello at Phelan. com and I can direct you to him. Phalen is F A O L A N. If you're interested, hello at phalen. com. And if you like the podcast, please follow it, subscribe, rate and review. and then also if you would like to follow along with my blog, which is also the same thing as the podcast, you can go to eatthestrawberry. com and subscribe there. It's eatthestrawberry. com. Alright, I'll see you next time. Thanks. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.eatthestrawberry.com/subscribe