Feel Known & Be Known: an Enneagram Conversation

In this episode of Feel Known, Be Known, we explore the Self-Preservation Instinct through the lens of safety, security, and sustainability—the three foundational forces that shape how we survive, conserve energy, manage resources, and create stability in our lives.Why do some people constantly prepare for worst-case scenarios? Why do others struggle to rest until every responsibility is handled? And how does our nervous system influence the way we seek comfort, predictability, and control?Drawing from the Enneagram, attachment patterns, neuroscience, and lived experience, we'll uncover how the self-preservation instinct shows up in each of the nine Enneagram types. You'll learn how this instinct can be a powerful gift that helps us build healthy rhythms, steward our resources, and care for ourselves and others. You'll also discover how it can become overactive, leading to anxiety, scarcity thinking, hyper-independence, burnout, or resistance to change.Most importantly, we'll explore the tension between conservation and transformation—how growth requires enough safety to risk change, and how true sustainability involves more than simply maintaining the status quo.Whether you're new to the Enneagram or a seasoned student of personality and personal growth, this conversation will help you better understand your survival strategies, your relationship with security, and the path toward greater freedom, resilience, and trust.Topics covered:• The Self-Preservation Instinct and the Enneagram• Safety, Security, and Sustainability• Nervous System Responses and Survival Strategies• Resource Management and Energy Conservation• How Self-Preservation Shows Up in All Nine Types• Scarcity, Control, and Over-Preparation• Personal Growth, Transformation, and Trust• Faith, Resilience, and Human Flourishing#Enneagram #SelfPreservation #PersonalGrowth #NervousSystem #AttachmentTheory #PersonalityTypes #SpiritualGrowth #MentalHealth #SelfAwareness #Transformation #FeelKnownBeKnown

Why is it that one person packs all the snacks, sunscreen, electrolyte packets, backup outfits, and a roadside emergency kit for a 14-minute drive… while another person forgets- rather doesn't consider bringing- the diaper bag entirely and says, “It’ll probably be fine”?And why do both people genuinely believe they are the reasonable one?In this episode, we’re talking about why common sense isn’t actually common — through the lens of the Enneagram instincts.Because most conflict is not logic versus logic.It’s instinct versus instinct.One person’s internal system is asking:“Am I safe?”Another is asking:“Do I belong?”And another is asking:“What/where is the meaning of all this?”Welcome to the intriguing and deeply revealing world of the self-preservation, social, and sexual (one-to-one) instincts — the unconscious operating systems quietly- and not so quietly- shaping your marriage, parenting, friendships, finances, vacations, career choices, and FB comments.This episode is part neuroscience, part relationship therapy, part spiritual formation, and part:“oh no… this explains every argument my spouse and I have ever had on a road trip.”We cover:Why some people prepare for every possible disasterWhy some people need meaning and intensity like oxygenWhy others instinctively track group dynamics everywhere they goWhy emotionally healthy conflict requires understanding different instinctive realitiesAnd why your neglected instinct or your 'blindspot' is probably where you experience the most dysregulationAlso discussed:feral motherhood lunches,naked diaper babies,vacation planning warfare,the psychology of “good vibes,”and why stability may currently be filing a restraining order against your personality.Painfully accurate. Slightly exposing. Deeply practical.Because once you realize people are not seeing the same reality you are…you stop asking:“How could they possibly think that?”And you start asking:“What instinct are they protecting?”Trust me, this will absolutely change your relationships. Send this to the one who doesn't share your sense of common sense;)

Why does growth make your life feel like it’s falling apart… right when you’re trying to heal?In this episode of Feel Known & Be Known, Katrina gets honest about the part no one warns you about: self-awareness can feel like losing your support system, your footing… even yourself.When the people, patterns, and coping strategies that once held you together start to feel like they’re working against you—what then?We’re talking:Why Enneagram + therapy work feels so hardThe idea of “tormentors as mentors” (yes, really)What to do when your emotional “bridge” collapsesWhen to stop muscling through and actually get supportHow to hold pain and growth at the same timeThis is for you if you’ve ever thought:“Why do I feel worse after doing the work?”You’re not broken. You’re in it.And the only way out… is through.🎧 Tune in if you’re navigating personal growth, healing, identity, relationships, and faith in the middle of the mess.#therapy #enneagram #selfgrowth #healingjourney #christianpodcast #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment #innerwork #relationships #spiritualgrowth

I was living my dream life… and yet, I wanted to end it all.On paper, everything made sense—marriage, stability, support, a life many people are working toward. But internally, something was breaking, and I didn’t have the language for it.In this episode, I share the story behind the version of me no one could see—the unraveling that led to a psychiatric hospital unit, and the moment I had to stop asking “why is my life like this?” and start asking “what is actually going on inside of me?”This is a real conversation about identity, mental health, emotional health, relationships, and the Enneagram—not as theory, but as lived experience.Katrina talks about:What it feels like when your life looks “fine” but you’re notThe disconnect between external stability and internal struggleBurnout, postpartum mental health, and losing your sense of selfWhy privilege doesn’t cancel painHow self-awareness changes everythingBecoming the “updated version” of yourselfIf you’ve ever felt like you should be okay… but you’re not—this is for you.This podcast is about feeling known and learning how to actually be known.If this resonates, subscribe and follow along.New episodes on identity, relationships, emotional health, and the Enneagram—shared honestly, in real time every other Thursday.

What does it really mean to be “the helper”… and what does it cost you?In this episode of Feel Known and Be Known: An Enneagram Conversation, we sit down with Janis—a mom of two, community leader, and self-identified Enneagram Type 2—to explore the hidden tension behind always showing up for others.From people-pleasing and overcommitting to the deep need for validation and fear of being misunderstood, this conversation goes beyond surface-level Enneagram insights and into real, lived experience.Janis shares how her Type 2 tendencies show up in motherhood, work, and relationships—and how she’s learning to navigate boundaries, self-worth, and the discomfort of saying no.If you’ve ever:– Struggled to set boundaries without guilt– Felt responsible for everyone else’s needs– Wondered why being “helpful” can feel so exhausting– Or questioned whether people truly see and value you…this episode will hit close to home.Whether you’re an Enneagram Type 2 or love someone who is, you’ll walk away with deeper understanding, language for your patterns, and a sense that you’re not alone.🎧 Hit follow and share this episode with someone who gives so much of themselves—it might be exactly what they need to hear.#EnneagramType2 #PeoplePleasing #Boundaries #SelfWorth #Burnout #Motherhood #PersonalGrowth

“I’ve given you everything… am I just chopped liver?!” 😅If you’ve ever felt unseen, overextended, or just plain confused in your parenting—this episode is going to hit home.Because what if the problem isn’t your kids…or your capacity……but the lens you’re parenting through?In this episode of Feel Known & Be Known, we break down how each Enneagram type shows up in parenting—from the perfectionist who craves order, to the helper who gives everything, to the challenger learning the difference between protection and control.You’ll hear real-life, honest (and sometimes hilarious) moments like:The mom who refused to fix her calendar because it would look “messy”The inner dialogue of “I’ve poured out my life for you…”The tension between raising successful kids vs. letting them choose their own pathWhy some parents need structure… and others need escapeAnd the truth every child is actually longing for (hint: it’s not perfection)Whether you’re a Type 1, 2, 3… or still figuring it out—this episode will help you:✨ Understand your parenting triggers✨ Build compassion for yourself and your kids✨ Stop taking things so personally✨ And start showing up in a way that actually connectsBecause your child doesn’t need a perfect parent—they need a present one.If you saw yourself in this episode, share it with another mom who needs to hear: “It’s not just you.”Then hit follow + leave a review—it helps more families feel known instead of alone.And come find us on Instagram—tell us your Enneagram type and the moment that made you say, “okay wow… that’s me.” 👀

In this episode of Feel Known and Be Known: An Enneagram Conversation, hosts Laurel and Katrina explore one of the most relatable parenting questions:Are we protecting our kids… or trying to control them?Through the lens of the Enneagram, this conversation dives into the emotional triggers, parenting patterns, and inner motivations that shape how we respond to our children.Katrina shares the reality of parenting in the trenches — raising a 4-year-old starting school and a sleep-resistant 10-month-old. From the daily 5 PM parenting chaos to the exhaustion of trying to get a baby to sleep, she reflects on the moments that trigger frustration, overwhelm, and the deep desire to control outcomes as a Type 8 personality.Laurel offers the perspective of a mother with adult children, reflecting on the long arc of parenting — the gradual and sometimes painful process of letting go. As an Enneagram Type 9, she shares how connection, belonging, and attachment shaped her experience raising her kids and how those dynamics evolve as children grow into independent adults.Together, they unpack the subtle line between healthy protection and unconscious control, exploring real-life dilemmas like:• When should parents step in — and when should they step back?• How does your Enneagram type influence your parenting style?• What role do triggers, stress, and emotional regulation play in family dynamics?• How do we handle mom guilt, comparison, and parenting pressure?The conversation also moves into the powerful practice of somatic awareness — learning to notice what is happening in your body when parenting stress rises. From tight shoulders to a clenched gut, Laurel and Katrina explore how body awareness, emotional intelligence, and self-reflection can transform the way we respond to our kids.Along the way, they discuss cultural differences in parenting, the shift from raising independent children versus multigenerational family life, and why modern parents often feel isolated without the “village” support system previous generations relied on.If you’ve ever wondered:• Am I being too controlling as a parent?• How do I protect my kids without limiting their growth?• How does my personality influence the way I parent?— this episode will help you feel seen, understood, and less alone.Whether you’re parenting toddlers, teenagers, or adult children, this conversation offers insight into Enneagram parenting, emotional growth, self-awareness, and healthier family relationships.🎧 Join us for a thoughtful discussion on control, protection, parenting triggers, and the lifelong process of letting go.And if this episode resonates with you, share your story — because every parent is learning as they go.

Ready to transform your relationships and breakthrough the patterns holding you back? 🚀Join hosts Laurel (Enneagram Integration Coach & Type 9 Peacemaker) and Katrina (Type 8 Challenger) as they decode the game-changing framework that's revolutionizing self-awareness and personal growth.In this episode, you'll discover:✨ The 9 personality archetypes that explain why you do what you do✨ Proven strategies to improve communication in relationships✨ Real-life transformations from people using the Enneagram dailyWhether you're a perfectionist, giver, achiever, romantic, observer, loyal skeptic, enthusiast, challenger, or peacemaker — this episode will give you the actionable insights you need to level up your life.💡 Stop white-knuckling your way through life.👉 SUBSCRIBE NOW and join the Feel Known and Be Known community. Join us on the journey to authentic living.🔗 Want to discover your type? Visit Laurel's website for one-on-one Enneagram integration coaching and discover how this powerful tool can unlock your full potential @kivuvuroot.com#Enneagram #PersonalGrowth #SelfAwareness #Transformation #Podcast #MindsetShift #EmotionalIntelligence #Relationships #PersonalityTypes #SelfDiscovery