PODCAST · society
Finding Forward in Grief
by Michelle Martinez
“Finding Forward in Grief” is adapted from my video podcast on Vimeo. My name is Michelle, and this is my story of the unfathomable pain of CHILDLOSS TIMES TWO… Thank you so much for being here. Website: https://winterwarrior.guru/Josie (forever 19): #drunkdrivingkillsJulian, Cpl “V” (forever 22): #GoldStarMoM#KeepForwardGoing #forBaileytoowww.WinterWarrior.guruInstagram: @winterwarrior.guruPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/WinterWarrior?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/finding-forward-in-grief/id1695068795
Episodes
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when you give it your all, but still come up short…
One of the worst feelings in life is to come up short after having put forth our best effort… It truly sucks. Some days I am left with only my silence—there is nothing left, it seems… Somehow, I still hold on to hope for a better, brighter tomorrow. I know it will come—eventually. I just gotta…
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Strongest Person I Know.
Thank you for tuning in to my podcast, and very real journey through grief. As always, I pray this content is helpful to at least some. If you would like to support my continued work, please consider joining me on Patreon.com/WinterWarrior for as little as $1 a month. I would appreciate it so…
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a reminder that life is fragile.
Life is fragile. Take nothing for granted… There is no “fix” for getting over the intense pain of childloss and grief—it just hurts. We move forward simultaneously with our broken hearts as we assimilate this pain into our path forward. It comes with us. Please consider supporting my work on...
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contemplating “the art of the turn.”
As my snowboarding season comes to a sad end, I have taken careful consideration with regards to how I will approach this “transition period” leading into spring, then summer. I have found many parallels between life’s challenges and those I encounter while snowboarding. After spending countless...
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my life’s purpose is much bigger than me.
I often feel a longing to just be able to “go home,” but I know God’s plan is much beyond my own vision—and far greater, too!!! When we endeavor to seek a higher purpose and reason to continue forward, our courage, strength, and even confidence multiplies. I can’t do it for me, but I find purpose...
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when our “eggs” don’t hatch…
What to do when our “eggs” don’t hatch? These are things we can consider well in advance of any crisis. It does not prevent pain, but it can, at the very least, provide a clear direction forward… Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru
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patient—like an eagle…
For many mornings now, I have been watching this live nest cam (https://www.friendsofbigbearvalley.org/eagles/) religiously when I wake up every morning. These beautiful eagles have three eggs that are due to hatch very soon. Though there are numerous reasons that cause me to find comfort and joy...
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play. the. pause.
Sometimes you just gotta “play the pause…” Do you ever feel like you are a chess piece in a game of monopoly or poker, and you don’t really know how to participate, because you have been designed for a different kind of game? Grief and loss have forced me to be a spectator in many ways, but they...
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be still my soul.
This week marked the 2nd anniversary of my beautiful Boi’s death, and the 7th of my sweet daughter, Josie. As I was recording this video, it kept stopping on me—hence why certain places seem to just cut off. However, towards the end of my drive, the hymn, “Be Still My Soul,” was playing on the...
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do hard things—every day.
“Do hard things,” they say…. “It’ll make you stronger,” they say. As I continue to press forward through each new day of my grief journey, I find this mindset of doing hard things to be very beneficial. When we step beyond what is comfortable and familiar, we grow. What is hard now, becomes…
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winning is: NOT QUITTING.
NOT QUITTING is a principle I am striving to live by—always. I do not want to be a quitter—EVER!!! In grief, I believe that by continually committing to keep growing and challenging ourselves to learn and do “hard things,” we can lighten the weight of our grief… It feels good to conquer what we...
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keep forward GROWING.
In this episode, I discuss how I have felt God’s deep love for me in my darkest hours… His tender mercies are real, and the way He has shown me grace in this journey gives me a greater desire to be gracious with others… I am committed to “keep forward GROWING,”—even if the path is long and hard....
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real friends will embrace your brokenness.
Many people will shy away from the discomfort of hearing your story of utter brokenness-they will not know what to do with it, much less how to respond. The broken are often the strongest souls out there walking around, because their burden they frequently carry alone, and it is heavy. Real…
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continue, continue, and continue…
It is our choice whether or not to continue—I do no not want to let them down. Every time I sit down to record a few thoughts and feelings on my current situation, they all seem to come spilling out in a torrent of pain and suffering. I cannot help what is at this time… I am trying very hard to...
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confused, but tough!!!
An acquaintance recently made a very insensitive comment to me when I had forgotten a certain timeline of events in her life… I apologized for being forgetful and confused, to which she blurted out, “It seems you are always confused!” Well, this comment hurt very badly, because in child loss, we...
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when you just want to “tuck in….”
More often than not in grief, I just want to “tuck in….” You know that feeling of wanting to snuggle into the safety of your covers at night—when it’s especially dark and cold outside?!!! Lately, I have been really struggling and feeling at odds with the world around me. Big sigh… Read my blog,...
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another season passes without them.
Another season passes without them —another season of sorrow that they are not here… I continue to pray to God that He will help through one more winter. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru
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when “seven years” hits like a bullet to the chest.
When “seven years” hits like a bullet to the chest… is about how my grief for my daughter, Josie, has been suppressed these past several years in the wake of my son, Julian’s, death. It finally caught up to me this past month. Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc…...
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answers from my own forgotten answers.
Documenting my grief journey has helped me find “answers from my own forgotten answers…”—especially when I find myself not knowing exactly how to proceed. It feels very unlucky at times to have to experience the loss of two children, but it ultimately has given me experience in how to “survive,”...
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goals can save lives.
Goals can save lives. I do not believe it was coincidence that my 19 year old daughter presented my diploma to me on the morning of the day she was killed… She helped me earn that piece of paper. I would not have achieved it without her. That particular morning—my last conversation with her—was…
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when your children are scattered.
In this episode, “when your children are scattered,” I discuss the anxiety and unsettling feeling that constantly plagues me due to having my children “scattered” in different physical locations. It is an every day challenge for my heart to be at ease… What are some things you do to help calm…
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the pain never lessens.
No matter how hard I try, the pain of missing my Josie and Julian never lessens… #thepainneverlessens. 😔 If we sit around waiting for the pain to lift—we may find ourselves sitting for a very long time!!! For me, I have found that I can continue forward in my life by embracing the pain as I...
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go slow, life goes fast.
Go Slow, because life goes fast. At the end of the day, you will never regret giving your attention to those who matter most… Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru
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drawing on their strength.
As we continue to talk about our loved ones who have “gone on,” we also nurture our continuing bond and relationship with them. Though different, the strength they now possess is even greater than it was before, and their capacity to love us is unhindered… Draw on their strength to help you...
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balancing the weight of the world.
What do we do to balance out the weight of the world when our loved ones leave us? This is a recording of yesterday’s #KFGFridayLIVE on FB. I discuss ways I have discovered to help lighten the heaviness after our loved ones die, and comes crashing down in full force… Read my blog, listen to my...
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my rescuer.
Many days I simply haven’t the strength… All I can do is look to my God—my Rescuer—and let him tend to me in ways I cannot understand, nor explain. Nevertheless, there are always things for which I am most grateful. I try to keep these things in mind when I am feeling defeated, and not sure if I...
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goodbyes suck.
How do you cope with painful goodbyes? Quite frankly, I hate them—#goodbyessuck… In my last episode of #FindingForwardinGrief, I discussed my #illogicalfeelingsofabandonment. This #KFGFridayLIVE is a continuation of that topic. When our loved ones die, the pain of saying goodbye is much deeper…
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illogical feelings of abandonment.
I know my children did not “leave me” on purpose, but it is a thought I struggle with from time to time—this illogical feeling of abandonment… Like everything in grief, I have learned to be patient as I “ride out” different phases that are sometimes more painful than others. However, this...
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just. don’t. quit.
**Audio Recording from August 11, 2023 FB #KFGFridayLIVE*** It was a rough week in grief for me, but I am slowly mastering this process of falling down, looking up, and moving forward the best I can… Note to Self: Just. Don’t. Quit. Follow my videos of this series on my new YouTube Channel:...
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no room for doubt.
This short episode is about NOT DOUBTING “what lies beyond” when life suddenly takes a southward turn… I also share a few thoughts that my long-time mentor and friend, Sean Jeung, shared with me about how, in all her many years working as a chaplain for Hospice, she could not believe how many…
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signs of healing.
In, “signs of healing,” I ponder how my experience has been in processing one traumatic loss on the back of another, and how it is simply IMPOSSIBLE to deal with the emotions all at once… The unexpected death of my husband’s aunt brought me to a very sad place this week, but the tears I shed have...
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playing the long game. (KFG Friday LIVE)
This is a recording from last week’s “KFG Friday” LIVE. Tune-in to my FB page every Friday morning at 11am MST, as I share my current grief journey in real time. If you have questions, suggestions, or topics of discussion you would like me to hit on, please leave a comment, or reach out via…
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Normalizing Death Discussions (KFG Friday LIVE)
Audio from my FB Live on JULY 21, 2023. Tune in on my FB page every Friday morning around 11am. Thank you for your continued support, and I hope and pray that my efforts are helping at least someone, somewhere, in some small way… Keep. Forward. Going. @winterwarrior.guru…
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1st “KFG Friday” LIVE
Audio from my first FB Live on JULY 14. Tune in on my FB page every Friday morning around 11am. Thank you for your continued support, and I hope and pray that my efforts are helping at least someone, somewhere, in some small way… Keep. Forward. Going. @winterwarrior.guru…
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focus your thoughts.
In this episode, “focus your thoughts,” I discuss how micro-habits (especially in our mindset) can make a huge difference in our overall health as we navigate grief and trauma. As we seek to find ways to comfort our aching hearts in the aftermath—let us choose more carefully the little things…
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on writing and riding.
In this 5th episode, I share how it took me nearly two years after my daughter’s death to be able to start writing about my experience. There simply were no words. I also discuss a bit about discipline in grief, and what it means to me personally. Thank you for riding with me! 🤍 To access…
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strong, but not strong.
In this 4th episode of “Finding Forward in Grief,” I share how strong I truly am not, and how I miss my children more intensely with each passing season. Warning: I might shed a few tears. This 4th of July weekend is probably one of the hardest times of year for me. It was my Marine’s favorite…
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my goat story.
“My Goat Story” is the third official video in my new series, “Finding Forward in Grief.” Here, I discuss the backstory on my now fifty-goat-herd!!!! Yes, I know it’s a lot of goats, but when you hear how these lovely creatures helped me keep moving through that first initial “summer of grief”...
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can’t lie to your subconscious.
In this second ever episode of “Finding Forward in Grief,” I share a firsthand example of how trauma from our grief can resurface at the most unexpected times, and manifest in ways that can also be very frustrating—such as hindering our ability to fulfill ordinary, everyday tasks. I encourage you...
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look for light.
In this first ever episode of “Finding Forward in Grief,” I discuss the all-engulfing horror of learning of my oldest daughter’s fatal head-on accident with a drunk driver six and a half years ago, and how I have managed to keep reaching for “the light” every day since, even after experiencing a...
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begin here.
Short intro to my new video podcast series, “Finding Forward in Grief: begin here.” Thank you for riding with me!!!! Read my blog, listen to my podcast, etc… https://linktr.ee/winterwarrior.guru
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
“Finding Forward in Grief” is adapted from my video podcast on Vimeo. My name is Michelle, and this is my story of the unfathomable pain of CHILDLOSS TIMES TWO… Thank you so much for being here. Website: https://winterwarrior.guru/Josie (forever 19): #drunkdrivingkillsJulian, Cpl “V” (forever 22): #GoldStarMoM#KeepForwardGoing #forBaileytoowww.WinterWarrior.guruInstagram: @winterwarrior.guruPatreon: https://www.patreon.com/WinterWarrior?utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/finding-forward-in-grief/id1695068795
HOSTED BY
Michelle Martinez
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Finding Forward in Grief have?
Finding Forward in Grief currently has 41 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Finding Forward in Grief about?
“Finding Forward in Grief” is adapted from my video podcast on Vimeo. My name is Michelle, and this is my story of the unfathomable pain of CHILDLOSS TIMES TWO… Thank you so much for being here. Website: https://winterwarrior.guru/Josie (forever 19): #drunkdrivingkillsJulian, Cpl “V” (forever 22):...
How often does Finding Forward in Grief release new episodes?
Finding Forward in Grief has 41 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Finding Forward in Grief?
You can listen to Finding Forward in Grief on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Finding Forward in Grief?
Finding Forward in Grief is created and hosted by Michelle Martinez.
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