PODCAST · comedy
Fortune Kit
by Fortune Kit
Alex Nichols and Charles Austin cover the least important stories in music.
Episodes
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322 - The Telltale Hennessy
Sean Diddy Combs is getting Hennessy, nudes, and Chinese-style massages in prison. Plus, there should have been an episode of Home Improvement where Tim Allen helps the Grateful Dead fix the Wall of Sound. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord:...
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321 - I Wanna Be Your Hand
Brother John's new material still goes, Paul McCartney's new kids movie probably goes, and Lil Boosie's new A.I.-powered website posits that the rap game should feel more like dealing with your health insurance provider. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the...
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320 - Soulja Boy the Movie 2011 [Patreon Preview]
Charles and Alex watch the era-defining tour documentary Soulja Boy the Movie 2011, unearthed from an old hard drive. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit/posts/320-soulja-boy-171248303
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319 - Everything the Beatles Ever Ate
We take an exhaustive look at everything the Beatles ever ate: horse steaks, cornflakes, fish and chips in newspaper, chicken maryland, Heinz baked beans, authentic Italian spaghetti, and "home-cooked food." Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord:...
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318 - Do They Have Pizza Friday in Prison?
Gene Simmons hawks sodas, Meek Mill misses Lion King and Sega, and Peter Griffin is lowkey stupid but a better father to his children than Elon Musk. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf
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317 - Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous [Patreon Preview]
A Good Charlotte fan steals an ambulance with a patient in the back and slams it into a wall… Is this viral marketing for GTA6? Plus George Harrison's love of Austin Powers and a new nepo baby stage at Reading and Leeds. Full episode on Patreon:...
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316 - The Cheuggery (ft. Josiah Hughes)
Josiah helps us make sense of MGK's career trajectory and BluntMan gets arrested for having blunts. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf
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315 - Chaturbate for God
Pat McAfee drops some slop, Frankie Valli retires and un-retires, and the Beatles movies dramatize the lads walking across a damn street. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf
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314 - Wife, Pipe, and Bestie
In the Sopranos finale, A.J. used the Death Note to kill Tony and then MGK rapped about it. Meanwhile artists from Motley Crue to Tyga are embracing the wonders of A.I. slop. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf
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313 - Portal Potty [Patreon Preview]
Festivalgoers are passing around Katy Perry and a box/bag of piss. Sesame Street has a new Chappell Roan parody that can help adult music fans understand when they need to use the bathroom. Boy George, the self-appointed King of the Jews, is opposed by a man named Pontius. Full episode on…
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312 - Hague House
All of the latest stories in music are about pissing and shitting and farting. There's just no getting around it. Also The Hague is having a Shrek Rave, possibly to lure Netanyahu to the ICC with the type of lame rave Zionists love. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon…
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311 - People Who Can From Nothing
Muppets are predisposed to be bad musicians (not enough fingers) and waterpark line-skipper Boosie tried to buy a Trump pardon from Jacob Wohl. Correction: We offhandedly said Booise wore matching outfits with Diddy but that was Meek Mill. Fortune Kit regrets this error. Subscribe to Fortune Kit…
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310 - The Most Vile of the Devil's Snares
AI chatbots are gifted kids, Taylor Swift is a quasi-cheerleader, and Morrissey has relentlessly faced the slings and arrows of the most vile of the devil's snares. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song "Sugar We All End Up in Diapers" (from Podcast About...
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309 - Dumb Podcast [Patreon Preview]
The tragic and unforeseeable divorce of Jelly Roll and Bunnie XO is undercut by juvenile stories about stage pooping and crowd pooping. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit/posts/309-dumb-podcast-162802639 Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit...
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308 - Ataraxia Book Club Part 3: Dawn Protocol (ft. Raina Douris)
The moral of this story is… If you have mental health issues, if you're depressed, if you feel disconnected from other people, just post on Discord. It's where the most normal people are. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song "Sugar We All End Up in…
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307 - Ataraxia Book Club Part 2 (ft. Hesse Deni & Raina Douris)
Female jinns, Gandhi lasagna, white walls, 2.3 trillion galaxies, and the drug you've never heard of. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song "Sugar We All End Up in Diapers" (from Podcast About List): www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aOQ7h9S4kI Join the Discord:...
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306 - Ataraxia Book Club Part 1 (ft. Hesse Deni & Raina Douris)
Hesse and Raina join us for a spiritual journey into rooms where Garfield went corporate and money was implied. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song "Sugar We All End Up in Diapers" (from Podcast About List): www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aOQ7h9S4kI Join the...
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305 - Mister Hardmaxxing [Patreon Preview]
Garfield wants to be Muslim, C+C Music Factory wants to perform for Genghis Khan, and Matt Walsh wants more conservative music even though he's a damn hipster like JD Vance. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song "Sugar We All End Up in Diapers" (from…
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304 - Garfield and the Prophet Mohammad Had Different Thoughts on Mondays
The vulnerable narcissist. The shaved GOAT. The Zionist hologram. All this and more on today's Fortune Kit. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf
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303 - Is It OK to Be a Landlord If You're in a Polucule?
The Blue Wiggle tries to beef with Oasis and the Washington Post pivots to the least successful ragebait of all time. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf
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302 - Pussycat Dolls Should Be Bob Dylan's Backup Singers
Metallica has a whiskey that they blast with their own music to bring out the flavors more better. Soulja Boy has a brand new social media site that looks like 2007. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5xLRYY_7rs Join the...
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301 - Don't You Wish Your 2nd Wife Was Hot Like Me [Patreon Preview]
Recreate Jimi Hendrix's Last Meal Using This Canned Pantry Staple! Nobody Expected Fast Food to Be This Interesting in 2026! Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/301-dont-you-2nd-157080063
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300 - Your Favorite Band is a Psyop (ft. John Semley)
John Semley talks with Charles about his viral Geese article for Wired and why your favorite band is not actually a psyop. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YN7bJcchAY Join the Discord: discord.com/invite/HabqgJf
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299 - Soulja Girl Baked Potato
Alex doesn't want Soulja Boy to get his penis burned by a hot baked potato. Pokemon cards should be currency in prison. Denzel Curry thinks aliens fuck with his music but realistically, there's a good chance that the first song aliens hear from humans will be A.I. generated. Subscribe to Fortune...
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298 - The Devil Went Down to Ft. Campbell, TN [Patreon Preview]
Bob Dylan starts an AI slop Patreon and a Charlie Daniels hologram is set to play a Tennessee military base. Maybe Sharon Osbourne should make an Ozzy hologram that performs at Zionist events. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/154617893/
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297 - Tong Hawk
Meek Mill's business is moving forward at a high rate thanks to AI. A second MAGA chud has hit the Pussycat Dolls. And Trump & pals should have Grok write an Andrew Jackson musical and perform it at the Trump-Kennedy Memorial Center. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon…
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296 - Heavy Metal P%&@tang
Vinnie Vincent has an incredible new album available for $2 million. Billy Joel should crash his car through the wall of a Hard Rock Cafe and leave it there so they can preserve it. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YN7bJcchAY...
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295 - Viral Refrigerator
Ari Emanuel has a dope podcast with his 30-years-younger wife's best friend. And Lil Pump saw rappers doing witchcraft in order to get famous. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YN7bJcchAY Join the Discord:...
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294 - Microgoats [Patreon Preview]
We need microscopic goats to make the ultimate milk for Ringo Starr. All mainstream country should be about Minecraft since it's fundamentally about mining and farming and stuff. And kids should be able to buy vapes if they have good grades. Full episode on Patreon:...
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293 - Alex Calls AI Soulja Boy
Soulja Boy should become a real estate agent. Sony's Tokyo HQ should get better toilet paper. We should follow Freddie Gibbs on tour in order to take a karate lesson before each show. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/fortunekit Ending song:...
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292 - I Don't Know How Many Men's Rap Careers I've Tried to Get Off the Ground
Pitbull invents a new world record to break and Jelly Roll's wife writes a book about doing pills with ex-boyfriends who were too lazy to focus on their rap careers. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Listen to Charles' new show Trouble in River City:...
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291 - The Clash Royale Halftime Show
Lil Wayne counterprogrammed the Super Bowl Halftime Show with a performance in Clash Royale with better production values than Turning Point USA. It would have been nice to see Mike Love do "Kokomo" at TP USA but it's sadly too globalist and woke. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon:...
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290 - The Diddy Lama [Patreon Preview]
Noted sicko the Dalai Lama takes home his first Grammy and Bob Dylan and Paul McCartney are announced for Turning Point USA's Super Bowl halftime show (source: Facebook). Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/290-diddy-lama-150112918
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289 - James Bond Checks into the James Bond Hotel
Charles and Alex talk RXKNephew, Neil Young, Nathen Mazri, and the Pitchfork paywall. Subscribe to Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Join the Discord: discord.gg/HabqgJf Listen to Charles' new show Trouble in River City: https://www.patreon.com/TroubleInRiverCity
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288 - Throw Some Keats on That Bitch
Soulja Boy was the first rapper to complain about pronouns for non-ideological reasons. And it's crazy the devil hangs out at the crossroads when the cross is Jesus' main thing. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit
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287 - Yellow-Tinted Glasses
Soulja Boy wears ill-fitting shoes to the club, more artists bail on the Trump Memorial Center, and Morrissey finally releases his amazing songs that the industry doesn't want us to hear. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit
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286 - Humans Shouldn't Listen to Birdslop or Whaleslop
Charles and Alex visit Eric Alper's website to read the article "Step by Step Guide to Buying the Ideal Legal Highs." Plus, Elon should do a new Voyager gold disk with Brony dubstep and "America, Fuck Yeah" on it and Anne Geddes should be Trump's photographer. Fortune Kit on Patreon:...
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285 - A Semi-Hollow Guitar is Like a Bag of Chips (You're Paying for Air) [Patreon Preview]
Obama should have drank the water in Bikini Bottom to prove it's not irradiated. And Alex reveals he is now playing a Paul Stanley signature series guitar. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/285-semi-hollow-147255525
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284 - Do You Think Jerry Garcia Introduced Bob Dylan to Crack?
The power of AI has made Soulja Boy 100x more efficient. In the span of a week he started a clothing brand, dropped a song, joined a new streaming platform, and started a new crypto scam. Plus, Billy McFarland actually put on a music fest. Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending...
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283 - Soulja Boy Rap Fighter Beta Early Access
Charles and Alex play Soulja Boy's new Rap Fighter flash game. Plus, Drake's "Nokia" was inspired by Cocomelon and Crazy Frog. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Txr__rDjZ-Q
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282 - Alex's Shroom Trip Made Him a Wahhabist [Patreon Preview]
Imagine the debates they have in heaven: Socrates, Charlie Kirk, the Devil. It brings us no pleasure to report that the evil Blue Wiggle and his no-good nephew are at it again, promoting drug use to impressionable children. Full episode on Patreon:...
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281 - Elvish Presley
The Island Boys need to get their shit together and go to law school. Plus, we listen to Olivia Nuzzi's song "Jailbait" where she saw Britney Spears' schoolgirl shtick and said, "this could be less subtle." Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song:...
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280 - Macca Got Back
Paul McCartney's "Got Back" Tour is named for his big fat ass. We also go on a journey to the year 2010, when Vladimir Putin sang Blueberry Hill and Drake got peed on (but it wasn't his fault). Fortune Kit on Patreon: www.patreon.com/fortunekit Ending song:...
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279 - Never Trust a Politician Who Doesn't Rap
If Democrats decide that rapping was key to Zohran's success, Lin Manuel Miranda will become the highest-paid consultant in Washington. And is Chubby Checker's music too old even for people who go to casinos? Ending song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzKsQchRmTg
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278 - 2025 SouljaGame Flip Ultimate Gaming Experience Games Entertainment Music Passion [Patreon Preview]
Soulja Boy is back on his bullshit with a new game console, "headphone's," and $48 body wash. We also explore an artist adjacent to both Soulja Boy and Crazy Frog: 2000s ringtone sensation Gummibär. Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/278-2025-flip-143067447
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277 - Building on My Ape
Is Palestine Radiohead's Yoko Ono? Plus, Bored Ape Yacht Club is making a comeback… as a Metaverse! …In 2025. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit
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276 - Touch Grass and Crash Out
How much is Snoop Dogg like Krusty the Clown? Sombr likes to call his teenage fans' toxic exes onstage, but what teenager would actually pick up the phone? And much like David Sirota, D'Angelo was puffing on Yoda. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit
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275 - Heaven All 24/7
Dee Snider's son has a cool Kickstarter for A.I. generated 432 Hz healing music that sounds like Imagine Dragons. Timbaland is doing some A.I. junk too. Fortune Kit on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fortunekit
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274 - The Bill and Synyster Gates Foundation
Synyster Gates followed in the footsteps of his tech-savvy cousin Bill Gates by designing the first-ever guitar amp to be authenticated on the blockchain. The Nevermind baby tried to sue Nirvana for the millionth time and Ringo Starr used to have Kid Pix on his computer no diddy. Fortune Kit on...
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273 - Life is Like a Loot Crate (ft. Josiah Hughes & Miles Grimmer) [Patreon Preview]
Josiah and Miles drop by to discuss important questions in music. Is Machine Gun Kelly part alien? Was Kurt Cobain the first millennial? Was Josiah's music writing proto-slop? Full episode on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/273-life-is-like-140368073
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Alex Nichols and Charles Austin cover the least important stories in music.
HOSTED BY
Fortune Kit
CATEGORIES
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Fortune Kit have?
Fortune Kit currently has 335 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Fortune Kit about?
Alex Nichols and Charles Austin cover the least important stories in music.
How often does Fortune Kit release new episodes?
Fortune Kit publishes regularly with 335 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Fortune Kit?
You can listen to Fortune Kit on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Fortune Kit?
Fortune Kit is created and hosted by Fortune Kit.
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