Glaswegians Anonymous

🚨 THE BIG ONE IS ALMOST HERE! 🚨The boys are back and desperation has officially set in. We need absolutely every single one of you to buy tickets to the SECOND live show in Glasgow on June 20th. Seriously. Buy a ticket, or Darren might actually push the big red button.In this episode, the lads attempt the impossible: trying to formulate a "family-friendly" podcast. Naturally, that immediately devolves into: Urinal Etiquette: Gary gets caught taking a cheeky glance at Darren’s local scenery. Burger Desperation: Darren explains exactly what he'd do for a premium burger (warning: it involves turbo Gluck Gluck). Milestones: Darren managed to save his lives for the first time in 7 months. Gig Talk: Gary breaks down his recent gig in Kilbarchan and the boys debate the soul of small, intimate venues versus corporate, commercial spaces. Matchday Madness: Darren’s chaotic drinking habits at the football, and the absolute mutants in the stands who think it's acceptable to scream at elite, peak-fitness athletes for being "fat." The Target Weight: The guys reveal their ultimate goal weights (and how realistic they actually are). Fake News: Darren is entirely convinced that T-Bone steaks are still legally banned in Scotland because of Mad Cow Disease. Spoiler alert: they aren't, Darren. The Final Frontier: A deeply unsettling pitch for Gary and Darren to visit a nudist beach, leading directly into Darren’s inevitable career pivot into the adult film industry.It's chaotic, it's completely unhinged, and it is definitely not family-friendly.🎟️ LIVE SHOW TICKETSDon't let Darren relapse. Grab your tickets for the second Glasgow live show on June 20th before they are completely gone!👉https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2💛 SUPPORT THE PODCAST ON PATREON For exclusive bonus content, early access, and to keep the lights on, support us on Patreon:👉 patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymousDon't forget to like, subscribe, and leave a 5-star review if you want to see Darren's debut adult film.

In this week's episode, the boys trade the familiar cobbles of Glasgow for a chaotic "jolly" down to Liverpool. From getting unceremoniously rejected by a local Vietnamese restaurant to debating the finer points of restaurant etiquette, it’s a masterclass in how not to be a tourist.This week’s madness includes: Liverpool Diaries: A deep dive into the travel experience (and the unique sensory challenges of being confined in a car with each other), a comparison of Liverpool vs. Glasgow "Jackies," and Gary subjecting Darren to an impromptu, high-volume wedding band listening party. Production Chronicles: The boys discuss the heat—both the temperature in The Green Room Podcast studio and the feedback from their recent Sunday night shows at Blackfriars. Ink & Consequences: An uncomfortable investigation into why they both have tattoos on their backsides, followed by a pivot to far more important life-or-death decisions: their ultimate death row meals. Prison & Planning: If the law finally caught up with them, what would a stint behind bars together actually look like? Plus, they sit down to scheme up exactly how the Patreon cash is getting spent. Vegas Vows: The long-awaited, semi-tragic story of that one time Gary almost walked down the aisle in Las Vegas.Strap in—it’s another classic.Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymousDon’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit the bell for all the latest episodes of Glaswegians Anonymous!#GlaswegiansAnonymous #GlasgowPodcast #Mounjaro #Asda #SummerHolidays #ScottishComedy #GlasgowPatter

The boys are back in the Studio for a chaotic catch-up! This week, the conversation takes a turn into the absurd as Gary reveals he’s back on the Mounjaro journey—and we’re not just talking about the weight loss. Somehow, the chat spirals from pharmacy visits to the baffling discovery that Asda is now effectively a medical hub.Also on the agenda: summer holiday planning. From the stress of booking to the inevitable dread of the "family getaway," Gary and Darren break down the reality of trying to get away from it all without losing their minds.Expect the usual blend of Glaswegian patter, unfiltered opinions, and questionable life advice.In this episode: The Mounjaro update: Gary’s latest experiences. The Asda pharmacy rabbit hole: Why are we getting health advice in the snack aisle? Holiday plans and the inevitable pre-trip panic.Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymousDon’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit the bell for all the latest episodes of Glaswegians Anonymous!#GlaswegiansAnonymous #GlasgowPodcast #Mounjaro #Asda #SummerHolidays #ScottishComedy #GlasgowPatter

In this week’s episode of Glaswegians Anonymous, the boys are back to dissect the chaotic reality of modern travel and the even more questionable state of modern intimacy.Gary takes us through his recent Venetian escape, including the humbling experience of navigating the hostel scene—and shares his plans for his upcoming Swedish expedition. Meanwhile, the drama continues on home soil as we finally get to the bottom of Darren’s "alleged" appearance at Gary’s recent gig in Cumbernauld (or lack thereof).Things take a sharp turn into the bizarre as we tackle the hard-hitting questions: Are we really still talking about penis pumps in 2026? And just how close are we to a world populated by sentient sex robots? Plus, we break down the logistics of Darren’s upcoming gig—which happens to fall on the exact same day as the Glasgow Orange Walk.Tune in for the usual unfiltered, Glaswegian take on the world’s weirdest corners.Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous🔔 Subscribe: Hit that bell so you never miss an episode.💬 #standupcomedy GlaswegiansAnonymous #ScottishPodcast

Welcome back to another chaotic hour with the Glaswegians Anonymous crew. This week, the ego is high, the history is deep, and the "patter" is as sharp as a broken bottle of Buckfast.Muscle, Fame, and The BarrasWe kick things off with Darren, who has clearly been spending more time at the gym than the pub lately. He’s officially declaring himself a "beefcake," though the rest of the room might have a different word for it. From there, we dive into:• The Scottish Celebrity Tier List: Where exactly do we rank in the hierarchy of Scottish legends? (Warning: Our self-assessment is dangerously high).• The Barras Boys: How we officially earned the title and why the world’s most famous market is our spiritual home.The Ultimate Glasgow GuideWhether you’re a "teuchter" visiting for the weekend or a tourist from across the pond, we’re breaking down the essentials:• First-Time Recommendations: Where to go if you want the real Glasgow experience (and where to avoid if you want to keep your shoes).• The Sub Crawl: A survival guide to Glasgow’s "Clockwork Orange." 15 stops, 15 drinks—will you make it back to St. Enoch?Gary’s History CornerGary took a trip to the Glasgow Police Museum this week, and he’s come back armed with facts. Get ready for a double-header of Glasgow’s gritty past:• The Thin Blue Line: A lesson on the origins and evolution of the Glasgow police force.• The Duke Street Jail Break: Gary takes us back to the infamous IRA attack on Duke Street Jail. It’s a bit of heavy history delivered with the usual Glaswegians Anonymous flair.Plus, much more madness, questionable life advice, and enough nonsense to fill the Clyde.Listen now on all major platforms!Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous🔔 Subscribe: Hit that bell so you never miss an episode.💬 Comment below: What year would YOU travel back to, and do you believe in ghosts?#GlaswegiansAnonymous #ScottishPodcast

Welcome back to another chaotic installment of Glaswegians Anonymous. This week, the boys are balancing local stardom with existential dread, questionable dietary choices, and some very sketchy political ambitions.Gig News & Inky BetsGary is heading up to Aberdeen, and the stakes are high. He’s officially pledged that if he sells out the gig, he’s getting an Aberdeen tattoo. Will he follow through, or is he just "aff his nut"? Meanwhile, Darren is absolutely flying—his Glasgow shows are sold out, and his special is already 50% gone.Health, Wealth, and the AfterlifeIt wouldn't be an episode without some neurosis. Darren opens up about his health anxiety, which naturally leads the pair into a lighthearted (and slightly morbid) discussion about exactly how they want to die.The Scran Report• The Low: Gary recounts the absolute horror of his "worst kebab ever" from Bistro in Glasgow.• The High: A massive shoutout to Smokey Trotter Kitchen—officially 10/10 every single time.Holiday Blues & Caravan LifeGary’s back from Craig Tara, discussing the nuances of caravan upgrades and the timeless parental struggle: justifies taking the weans out of school during term time to save a few quid.Also in this episode:• The Patreon Group Chat: Why it’s the best place on the internet right now.• The Magic: Darren and Gary are taking to the stage together to do The Magic (yes, it’s exactly what you think).• Scottish Elections: Why the boys are throwing their weight behind the Christian Hash Party.Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous🔔 Subscribe: Hit that bell so you never miss an episode.💬 Comment below: What year would YOU travel back to, and do you believe in ghosts?#GlaswegiansAnonymous #ScottishPodcast