H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends
by Alana Michaels
This podcast was originally started at the end of January 2026 ... after the sudden death of my Father ... then almost losing my mother 6 weeks later ... I decided I needed the first break of my lifetime, and I took a leave from my job .... and started a podcast. It started as a platform to share my story with Bipolar Disorder.... and then started turning into journal-style recordings of many experiences from my past, not only to do with my mental illness, but including so many other things with a lot of laughter and tears as I have been told my story-telling is beyond compare. Up until a few weeks ago, the podcast was going in one direction ... well, actually, numerous directions... but I thought I knew exactly where I was and where I would end up. Turns out.... after a bipolar depressive crash in early June .... I realized the entire podcast up until then ... was recorded in something called a "Quiet Hypomanic" episode of Bipolar Disorder. I was shocked
Episodes
-
Power of the Pause .... of the Podcast.
"First it was a podcast ... then it was a Platform... and now it's more than I could have ever "H.O.P.E'd for." - Alana during her quiet hypomanic episode. The Day this episode will be posted almost ten months to the day that My Dad left this earth. And looking back on everything ... especially...
-
H.O.P.E Will be In Full Bloom by 9/18/26.
Once I woke up from this Fog I had been in for days ... since "the Final hour" had been recorded ... I had recently been reading my journals from the winter months ... during the quiet hypomanic episode ... and I kept reading the same line "HOPE will be in full bloom by September 18, 2026." I…
more -
The Final Hour....
This was recorded as I sat on my Dad's deck... overlooking the lake for one last time. This might be the first time in my life where I actually understood the feeling of "bittersweet." I have so many memories there with my Dad ... yet it was also heartbreaking after his death, to go there and be…
more -
Dear Journal, it's 21 Years Later ... And I'm Still Here.
This was an amazing blast from the past for me ... As clearing at my Father's home... I found a journal that captured a very significant time in my life ... and as I read it ... in some ways it felt like I was reading a story I didn't recognize ... and in others it made my heart pound and my…
more -
Saying Goodbye to our Home with my Dad.
For the past two weeks I feel like I've been functioning in a fog. When my Dad first suddenly died over nine months ago... I remember thinking to myself "Oh my God ... what are we going to do with his house? Who is going to go through all of Dad's things?" It's one thing that I never ever ever...
-
Grow Through... What You Go Through. Love, Dad.
School is BACK... but in our case, this is a brand NEW school for my son Parker boy.... after what he endured in middle school, this was something I have been praying about for months. I am so excited to share how his first day went with you .... and especially tell you about how my Dad came...
-
Focus on The Mission.
I know it's been a few weeks since my last post .... I am definitely in the "quality versus quantity" phase right now. When it strikes me ... I record. Anyway, I won't say too much about this one... I just invite you to listen... I recorded this one when the line hit me out of nowhere ....…
more -
Podcast to Podcast: "It's Your Story to Tell."
This episode starts with some questions and ideas as I prepare to interview to be a GUEST on another Podcast ... entitled "It's Your Story To Tell" hosted by Megan Babcock - (how PERFECT is that name)?? Listening to a few episodes of Megan's podcast, gave me hope and encouragement that we can…
more -
This Car Gets A lot of Action!
I really enjoyed listening to this one back ... I brought back some of my random singing spurts which hasn't happened in awhile... and I LOVE telling the story that involves my Dad ... and my Car! But the episode itself isn't about my Car per say.... When reflecting on a very memorable...
-
And the Warrior Says ... "WE. GOT. THIS."
This one revisits an older episode posted towards the very end of the quiet hypomanic episode of my Bipolar Disorder ... where I questioned "what will I say this podcast is about??" As I look back on so many of the things I've talked about on here ... I come to the traumatic ocean event that I...
-
The Waves Won't Break Us.
After an amazing family vacation to Myrtle Beach ... I talk about the signs from my Dad on our first trip without him... and my traumatic experience of feeling like I was going to drown in the ocean .... and what I took away from my first ever full blown panic attack. As I say at the end of this...
-
My Angels were Right ... It was Real.
I listened to a few recordings today of when I was "channeling" my angels in the past few months. My Dad, my Grandparents, and my beautiful friend Cristy. It's an incredible realization ... that even though in my "right mind" I understand and agree that I was in an episode of my illness, during…
more -
Feminine Wipes and Finding Other Purpose.
Figured I would mix things up a bit and bring up something we JUST don't talk about enough... Feminine Wipes! Open those legs ladies .... lol. Kidding. But this was a thought that popped into my head that I wanted to share ... hope you enjoy it! And PS - they have a plethora of wipes and…
more -
Humor Through a Heat Wave!
Let's liven up this place a bit .... just when I thought my days of funny story telling on here were over.... God & Dad proved once again, that I need to continue to expect the unexpected. I hope this one will give you some laughs .... (and yes, that photo is me in my "nighty" while sweating)! I...
-
I'm Going to Continue with the Book.... What do you THINK??
"I'm going to delete the podcast .... take down all social media posts... and forget about the fucking book." - Those were my exact thoughts when the depressive crash hit ... But ... today it occurred to me... maybe I should continue the book??? Maybe the reader ... literally being able to SEE…
more -
Where Did the Money Go?
I am really sharing my most shameful part of what has happened during this most recent "Quiet Hypomanic" episode. All of the money I went through in a few short months .... A major symptom of a Manic or Hypomanic Episode of Bipolar disorder is reckless spending.... this was the first thing that...
-
The Movie Didn't Live Up to the Trailer.
This was a quick thought as I was trying to come up with a way of describing how it feels to have just experienced almost six months of this "amazing life" and all of the plans and visions and hopes and dreams that felt like they had been "promised." .... And then to realize now ... that during…
more -
My Son Survived Middle School... But it wasn't Easy.
Any parent out there that has had ... or currently has (or even will have) a child in Middle School... you hear about it.... I REMEMBER it myself ... the worst part was the "fights" that used to happen amongst kids that I was friends with ... but for me, no matter how bad the fight, we would make...
-
Milestones Without Mania.
So now that I am realizing ... during all of these months, as much as I was of course grieving my Father ... and missing him during the big moments ... like Christmas... my Birthday... and Parker's first Soccer Game ... etc. although I felt the grief, and missed him immensely .... I had my dad's...
-
A Walk To Remember ...
This was the first time I started recording since the depressive crash ... where I felt like I was coming back to ... "myself." Although in ways, I really am unsure on who "myself" really is anymore. I am still reeling at what has just transpired ... and how this version of my illness is…
more -
Father's Day 2026.
I think this one speaks for itself.... it's a day that we all have dreaded for months...I was unsure how I would feel today as I went to sleep last night ... but through the tears in this recording, I think it ended up being a special sentiment to the best Dad and Grandad in the entire world.…
more -
Was My Brain Protecting Me?
I've never in my life felt "lucky" to have Bipolar Disorder .... nobody ever wishes for a mental illness... so I will not say in this moment I feel lucky... or happy... but ... I guess in this moment I am starting to see the truth .... the reality and clarity of what my brain was doing. Yes, my...
-
The Fog.
As I am here in this "inbetween" state of hypomania and depression .... I feel so foggy... yet somehow, clear in the sense that I am now looking through what has transpired over the past 5-6 months through a different lens....Still in disbelief that this is happening....
-
Manic for Months and I had NO Idea.
This is when the realization was becoming clear ... a depressive episode of Bipolar disorder doesn't just happen .. as I have said many times "what goes up... must come down." - I was realizing that not only was I now suffering from the indescribable ache of depression .... I was looking back on...
-
The Bipolar Depressive Crash - 6/2/26.
In the history of my illness I have never gone to sleep one night feeling "Fine" and then waking up the next morning and felt Depression. But... I guess there's a first time for everything. I want to emphasize that by the time this is being posted/listened to ... I am OK ... I am better. Although...
-
Please Listen to This First.
Hi everyone.... I ask you listen to this before you listen to the upcoming episodes.... I was very close to deleting the entire podcast two weeks ago... I was beyond embarrassed, ashamed, and devastated. I have decided instead, to share the details of what has happened .... in the hopes to…
more -
The Little Signs from Heaven... Are the Big Signs.
I Finally finished reading the book "Signs" by Laura Lynne Jackson .... there was a part in the book where the author talks about how one of the hardest "signs" your angels can send you is a Rainbow .... as you all know by now, My dad and other angels are constantly sending me signs ... but a...
-
Who the EFF Does Alana Think She Is?
The More this Journey continues for me... the more the subject matter, the tone, the style... the opinions... the feelings... the ... EVERYTHING changes for me in REAL LIFE ... and Here on the podcast! Lately I find myself wondering which "direction" all of this will take me .... I know my Voice...
-
Let. God. Handle. It.
"Everything happens for a reason..." ... "God Has a Plan..." "Let Go and Let God..." so many ways to say something that is SO simple... but SO hard to actually practice in everyday life! I have been thinking recently as I continue this new walk in Faith through my life ... and I have been trying…
more -
My Head On Dad's Pillow ...
LOTS OF TEARS OUT OF THE GATE IN THIS ONE! .... I was at my Dad's house... and I decided to climb into his bed .... and lay on his pillow... and once the sobbing subsided ... I hit Record. The crying does continue on and off... but by the end I think this one went in the direction that my Dad...
-
Growing Pains Are Real
This one was sparked by me seeing the last scene of the SERIES finale from the 90's show Growing Pains ... I started crying ... a little unsure on exactly why ... but it was a moment I wanted to capture ... So I hit record. This one talks a lot about as we grow ... as we change... as we become...
-
Cleansing Circle of H.O.P.E
I LOVE THIS ONE! After getting one of my impromptu astrology emails ... and I really listened to what she was saying... I made a true epiphany that I had not realized before .... there was one person in my past that really needed his own goodbye. As I say goodbye to this person in my rearview...
-
When the Caterpillar Turns into the Butterfly.
IF YOU ARE MAKING ANY CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE... OR YOU WANT TO MAKE ANY KIND OF PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL ... (or anything else you can think of) CHANGE ... please take time to listen to this episode. I share a lot here about what has transpired within my own relationships (Friends, Mother,...
-
Homesick for Heaven.
This is a different kind of episode. As most of you know by now, I have been given a very special gift to be able to communicate with my Dad, along with some of my other loved ones that are now in Heaven. Lately... I have been coming across many people that are no longer with us ....…
more -
Dad Has Been Reading my Journal.
This was one inspired when I went back and read the few entries I wrote directly after my Father had passed away .... This is a short episode but impactful. I truly feel it shows how much our loved ones can HEAR and actually CONTROL from the other side (with the help of the "Big Guy" of…
more -
It's Mother Effing Mother's DAY!!!!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY 2026!! Please .... even if you are NOT a mother ... listen to this as you might take away from important things.... First and Foremost, Let's BRING OURSELVES BACK to the PERSON WE ONCE WERE ... ORRRRR THE WOMAN THAT WE WANT TO BECOME! One piece of inspiration for this one came...
-
Speeders Car Wash!!
If you want to understand the title of this episode you MUST listen to the entire thing through the very end... I promise you, the laughs you will get will be worth it! THIS is another time in my life ... where one thing during the day directly related to another thing ... that affected the…
more -
An Ice Cold Diet Coke on the ROCKS!
Just a few quick sips of a "DC" after a long and very "blah" day inspired me to "hit record." This is more of a venting session than anything else... I have some things that are bothering me that I need to get off my chest... and I do. I went into further detail about it than I planned.... but I...
-
Enemas & Endings.
YES! You are reading this correctly ... this one is a stand-out episode (well, in my opinion) ... as I don't think many people are talking about Enemas on their podcasts?? My journey is continuing and I am inviting all of you into my inner thoughts and realizations these days ... I always knew I...
-
Taylor Swift Strikes Again.
"I had a bad habit of missing lovers past ... my brother used to call it ... eating out of the trash." Another perfect line from Taylor swift that changes my perspective... or I guess SHOWS me a pattern that I have been guilty of ... and I didn't even realize it was a bad thing. If you have been...
-
Will I Ever Have an "Alana" in My Life?
While recording this one... I was pretty spent and exhausted during this recording ... even listening back I can FEEL the heaviness ... As I've been saying since the beginning ... I am sharing my life with you in real-time ...so you are REALLY hearing me here ... and I just hope it helps... to…
more -
If I Knew My Dad Was Going to Die.
I woke up on the day of this recording... and I knew immediately I had to share my dream with all of my listeners ... and I ask YOU to share it with anyone you know... especially for those who have lost someone SUDDENLY.... there was no "diagnosis" ... there was no "warning" there was no "You…
more -
You're Telling me that FLO IS A FRAUD???!!!
This is a great follow- up to the last PSYCHIC episode .... it starts with me recapping a "True Psychic" I came across on TikTok.... it then turns into a hilarious story about My dad and FLO from Progressive! I also recap the "GYPSY ROSE" episode ... which goes back all the way to 2005 ... when I...
-
I. AM. TRULY. PSYCHIC.
THIS???? OMG. YOU GUYS!!! AHHHH!!!! THIS. IS. CRAZY. I don't even know what to say on how to describe this episode .... The only thing I will say ..."YOU CAN'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP." - But, I will let YOU be the judge of that .... Be prepared .... Love Always, Alana
-
From Bruno Mars to Olivia Benson!
"Uptown .. Funk you UP... Uptown Funk you UP!" ... if you like this song.... don't kill me for butchering it right outta the gate! I contemplate here ... how much I should actually SHARE with the listeners about the things that have been happening to me ... from a Spiritual/Medium side of things...
-
WTF Happened In There? A BIBLE STUDY in the WALMART!???
GUYS!!! You are NEVER going to BELIEVE this .... I swear... I don't know WHAT IS HAPPENING (as My dad told me I would just continue to REPEAT AND REPEAT AND REPEAT) ... but you MUST listen to this ... The best part?? There was a "PART TWO" that was NOT planned ... that I recorded TWO days…
more -
Men are such BABIES When they are SICK!
GIRLLLLSSSSS I know you feel me on this one! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM FELLAS??? This one visits the idea on how WE are everything to everyone when they are sick.... but WHO is the one to take care of us? I think there are a lot of things in this one that will resonate with A LOT of my female listeners...
-
Am I Fighting or Am I Hurting?
In the words of Christina Aguilera .... "You make me that much stronger, make me a work a little bit harder, make me that much wiser, so thanks for making me a FIGHTER!" -Yes, you WILL hear me singing these lyrics in this episode.... consider THIS your warning! This one is an interesting one......
-
Animal Kingdom In Paradise
This starts with a "half dead" version of myself picking up my phone to record.... I somewhat come alive, and tell a really crazy "sign" from My Dad ... this one is VERY VERY difficult to believe, and it's a GREAT STORY! Have any of you experienced something after you lost a loved one that was…
more -
I Think I Found My Tour Manager!!!
THIS IS IT!!!! Mel Robbins and her EFFING HOT Tour Manager are PUTTING DOWN THE RED CARPET for ME!! This one is BOOMING with my excitement! It talks about my dream that snowballed into more than I could have guessed ... my plans are coming true as I watch Mel Robbins as she puts together the...
About this show
This podcast was originally started at the end of January 2026 ... after the sudden death of my Father ... then almost losing my mother 6 weeks later ... I decided I needed the first break of my lifetime, and I took a leave from my job .... and started a podcast.
It started as a platform to share my story with Bipolar Disorder.... and then started turning into journal-style recordings of many experiences from my past, not only to do with my mental illness, but including so many other things with a lot of laughter and tears as I have been told my story-telling is beyond compare.
Up until a few weeks ago, the podcast was going in one direction ... well, actually, numerous directions... but I thought I knew exactly where I was and where I would end up.
Turns out.... after a bipolar depressive crash in early June .... I realized the entire podcast up until then ... was recorded in something called a "Quiet Hypomanic" episode of Bipolar Disorder.
I was shocked
Hosted by
Alana Michaels