Habits for Your Happily Ever After: Relationship Communication Advice

What does it look like to build a marriage where kindness becomes second nature?I spend a lot of time helping couples figure out how to make their relationship work. Today, you'll hear a conversation with Jamee and Doug Simons, a couple who have spent nearly 50 years creating the marriage many people hope to build.You’ll hear what it was like for Jamee and Doug to take of a family business and balance their partnership at work with cultivating a loving marriage at homeAnd you’ll hear how the kindness and generosity they foster in their community is ever-present in their relationship.Jamee and Doug are third-generation owners of Enstrom Candies. They bought the business from Jamee's parents, Emil and Mary, in 1993. It's not easy to work side by side all day, then go home to raise children. They did it for decades. While Doug and Jamee were quick to admit there have been bumps along the way, I was struck by the generosity they bring to their relationship, their commitment to supporting each other, and their refusal to keep score. I hope their story inspires you as much as it inspired me.Connect with my guestRead their story: enstrom.com/pages/our-storyWebsite: enstrom.comInstagram: instagram.com/enstromcandiesConnect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.Buy my book.Listen to my book.Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.Follow me on Tik Tok.Follow me on Instagram.Reach me at 970-210-4480

Today, I bring you an interview when I was a guest on the podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, with psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw. On her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, her guiding premise is: “We’re not fixing them, we’re fixing you, and that changes everything.”Dr. Shaw has been a guest on this podcast before to discuss the impact of shame on your relationship. In this episode, you’ll hear me talk about my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication.Discover more from Dr. Zoe ShawRead Dr. Zoe Shaw’s book, or listen to her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult PlacesListen to episode 54: Let Go of Shame. Own Your Story to Improve Your Relationship with Dr. Zoe ShawListen to episode 55: More Dr. Zoe: Expectations, Shame + A Magic QuestionListen to episode 125: Shame Stops the Love You Feel with Dr. Zoe ShawConnect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.Buy my book.Listen to my book.Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.Follow me on Tik Tok.Follow me on Instagram.Reach me at 970-210-4480

You hate seeing your partner suffer. So, you jump to solutions.When someone we love is hurting, our instinct is often to fix it.But rarely do any of us want a solution.We need a soothing presence—someone who can sit with the discomfort long enough for the pressure to ease and your words to emerge.Today, I’m joined by Dr. David Marcus. We discuss how you can become a soothing presence in the lives of the people you love most and why that is key to emotional regulation.You’ll understand why you’re more likely to blame, jump to anger, or generally decompensate when you’re so full of emotion you can’t see straightAnd why it helps so much to have someone else be a soothing presence who will let you empty your emotions by simply talking and processingMostly, though, you’ll learn how to become that soothing presence so that you can calm the ones you love.Want more?Listen to my podcast episode about the pressure relief valueConnect with my guestDr. David Marcus's extensive expertise and commitment to improving the lives of individuals and families have made him a highly respected figure in the field of Clinical Psychology. His 40 years of experience in treating families under stress have made him a sought after clinical and legal resource in the Cincinnati area on the topics of parent-child communication and child advocacy.Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.Buy my book.Listen to my book.Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.Follow me on Tik Tok.Follow me on Instagram.Reach me at 970-210-4480

“Why don’t you ever initiate sex?!” vs cuddling up and kissing your sweetheart’s back. Which do you typically choose?Do you hide your heart in the precise moment you want to be loved? Or are you willing to disclose that super tender underbelly?Today we look at why it’s tempting to hide behind Protective Defensive Maneuvers (PDM’s) because when you start with compassion, change is easier.You’ll understand why you resort to PDM’s and understanding helps you forgive yourself and begin again differently.We’ll find some fun PDM turn-arounds like Presenting the Deeper Me.And we’ll reach into the archives for a very sly PDM (the protective kind) that might be part of your everyday language.Want more?Read my blog post about the word "should"Listen to episode #1 about how misunderstandings grow from disinformation in your relationship.Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.Buy my book.Listen to my book.Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.Follow me on Tik Tok.Follow me on Instagram.Reach me at 970-210-4480

You and your partner are the authors of your relationship story. But what happens when your childhood triggers begin writing the script?Today, my guests are Michael and Penny Gold from Relationship Alchemy.They share examples of relationship triggers and how to recognize the patterns underneath themThey'll invite you to see how you can create a tiny ritual that strengthens intimacyAnd they have an endless supply of 10-minute dates to refresh your relationshipTriggers Identified, Demystified, and DisarmedHave you ever found yourself in the middle of a conflict and wondered, "Why is this bothering me so much?" Penny has 40 years of clinical work to help you identify and disarm the triggers that are currently adding drama to your relationship.Triggers can stop you from receiving the love your partner wants to give you. So, Penny will also help you calm your system down so that you can actually truly receive the appreciation and love your partner is offering.Michael has an enormous rabbinical history in storytelling and meaning-making.Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterTake Penny and Michael’s customizable 10-Minute date quiz and create a simple ritual of connection together. Even a few intentional minutes can strengthen intimacy and help you reconnect.Connect with Michael and Penny GoldMichael is an ordained rabbi, ceremonialist, and transformational guide with decades of pastoral experience working with couples and families. Penny is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in trauma, attachment, and relational healing. Together they lead sacred ceremonies, couples retreats, and medicine journeys guided by the methodology that transformed their own marriage. You can visit their website to learn more and take the 10-minute date quiz.Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.Buy my book.Listen to my book.Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.Follow me on Tik Tok.Follow me on Instagram.Reach me at 970-210-4480

Why is either/or thinking toxic for your relationship? Because it boxes out possibilities. Why is either/or thinking so tempting? Because it simplifies our complicated lives.Today we’re noticing how toxic the unconscious but super seductive question “Either/Or” can be.I’ll take you through 3 reasons your brain loves to default to either/or thinking and how to use 2 words to free your mind from the limitations that either/or thinking can impart.Then I’ll offer you the magic words that will open your mind.And not only will I share with you the far-reaching consequences of this paradigm shift, we’ll practice together so you can hear how shifting the question shifts your mindset.Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterPractice changing sentence structures from either/or to both/and.Date Night DiscussionThis week I invite you to employ the word "because" to change either/or thinking into an invitation for you and your sweetheart to cultivate your happily ever after.Want more?In this episode, I talk about how resistance is where suffering lives.I talk a lot about how changing the words you use when you talk to your partner can change your relationship. Discover the power of hello and how “yes-but” kills connection.Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.Buy my book.Listen to my book.Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.Follow me on Tik Tok.Follow me on Instagram.Reach me at 970-210-4480

One word can change the character of your relationship.Don’t believe me? I invite you to notice how you say hello to your partner.Does your hello say, “I’m glad to see you!” or is your hello flavored with the taste of goodbye?I am always sending people to episode #8 of my podcast where I tell the story of how hello changed the course of my relationship with my husband. This week, I’m bringing the episode back from the archives.Habit for Your Happily Ever AfterTo help you avoid a sandpapery hello, and to cultivate a tender goodbye with your partner, notice the character of your hello and goodbye.Date Night DiscussionThis week, ask your partner about their most memorable goodbye.Connect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.Buy my book.Listen to my book.Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.Follow me on Tik Tok.Follow me on Instagram.Reach me at 970-210-4480

What questions are you asking yourself on a regular basis?Today, I’m inviting you to ask a better question, because if you do, you’ll magically live a better life.We’ll talk about how questions—even those invisible questions you didn’t realize you were asking yourself—are shaping your experience of the worldI’ll give you a habit to help you wake yourself up to the questions you didn’t realize you were askingAnd I’ll help you and your partner find the questions that will deepen your connection and your intimacyHabit for Your Happily Ever AfterThis week’s habit for your happily ever after is to rewrite your questions. We'll break it down into 3 specific steps.Uncover the invisible questions you’re asking.Notice the flavor of your question.Rewrite your question to match the life of your dreams.Date Night DiscussionThis week I invite you to talk with your sweetheart about the questions you want driving your relationship.Want more?Try this 60-second shakedown to calm the stress caused by your relationship hurdlesLinks I MentionBasketball selective attention testShell game selective attention testConnect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.Buy my book.Listen to my book.Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.Follow me on Tik Tok.Follow me on Instagram.Reach me at 970-210-4480

You say yes. Your partner hears no. What happened?Today I’m bringing you a snippet from my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication.You’ll hear why communication can get confusingIf you’re married to someone who’s typical answer to your idea is “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I’ll offer you some hopeAnd I’ll explain why negativity is often fear in disguise and how you can fix that negativity with just one wordHabit for Your Happily Ever AfterThis week’s habit for your happily ever after is to notice the unconscious negative patterns you bring to your relationship.Are you a person who says yes, but…?This week notice each time you use the word “but” in a sentence after the word “yes.”Date Night DiscussionThis week I invite you to talk about the role of the word, “No,” in your relationship.Hearing no on a regular basis can be demoralizing. These “no’s” make it tough to collaborate and they kill sexual chemistry.Are there occasions where your partner regularly says no to you?Do you feel free to say “no” to your partner?Where are the places in your relationship you want to feel free to say “no?”Want more?Here’s an episode that will help you stop fear from polluting your relationship communication.While eliminating but from your relationship vocabulary will reduce lots of your conflict, you'll still probably disagree. And some of those disagreements will require a tender apology to repair your relationship. Here’s an episode where I lay out a formula for a really good apology.Links I mention:Tina Fey says this “yes-but” answer will destroy the energy in a comedy sceneConnect to Improve Your Relationship CommunicationVisit the show notes.Buy my book.Listen to my book.Please subscribe to my newsletter here. This unlocks personal invitations from me only available to my subscribers.Follow me on Tik Tok.Follow me on Instagram.Reach me at 970-210-4480