Hangin' Out with the Old Fellas

Eurovision! They'll let anyone in - Israel! Australia! Kazakhstan! Meryl Streep! This is your behind the screens lowdown on all your high-end Euro-skuttlebutt! What happens under the sequins - shall be exposed! Nothing left to the imagination. No wonder we're falling in love again!

Despite what the papers say ... Don't panic! Oh ok - just a bit. But if in the middle of the panic, you happen to win Powerball, remember it's often more trouble than it's worth. And as Frente always said - keep ya shoes on! Ummm - I think it was Frente ...

Fisticuffs in the Middle East?!!! A bit of Attrick diplomacy will fix it. Trouble with the wowsers at the bowsers? Send in the schnauzers! Abracadabra! Everything wrong is right again!

Ok Spiders - what did Episode 84 ever do to you? Well, whatever it was, the copyright crawlers didn't like it one byte! So, we remixed it, in a vain attempt to erase the offending naughtiness. Enjoy this, our second try at getting Ep 84 into your earbuds. Help me, Obi Won Kenobe! You're my only hope!

From one April fool to another - Barry and Jerry are up to their old Attricks. Dead celebrities everywhere - some making a comeback ... and that's no punking. Jerry had a personal emergency. But he made it out - with a bull clip in his back!

2025 - gone! Good thing too ... It was becoming a very ugly habit. And New Years are all about renouncing bad habits. To make way for even worse ones. Well, if you're short of a few nasty habits for the new year, look no further than the Attrick Empire. For example: Jerry's channeling the Skyliners, Don McLean and Art Garfunkel - all in one hit! You'll never get nastier than that!

We're putting some old bits of old fellas under the microscope. Pants down. Magnification up. Washed, pressed, folded and top drawer. The bits the judges liked until Barry fell off the catwalk. You know - that split second when you wobble on your high heels and you can't decide whether to attempt a spectacular recovery or just go with the plummet. Old bitz of Old Fellas - you just can't look away.

Hey! Remember those early episodes? Yeah - neither do we. But librarian went up into the attic and found these loose bits inside some old Lego boxes. Nurse Bukesham rescued a few used band aids out of the sick bay waste basket and stuck it all together. Headphones on. Earbuds in. Pants optional.

It's not pretty. It's not cuddly. It's not particularly photogenic. But enough about Jerry's mole. These are the off-cutz. From a year that produced its fair share, we can now reveal the bitz that didn't make it. The McMerkin Sisters retrieved random tapes from the waste paper, untangled them, tumbled them in the dryer, got the cat to eat and then extrude them, then they stuck 'em together with Perkins paste. A sumptuous school project that got a D minus and a place of pride on the fridge.

Another solar sojourn done. And guess what! We're back where we started. Wishing you a Jerry Barry Christmas. May your mistletoe bare fruit and multiply. May your Yuletide Pine be Spindly. And may 20-26 be full of Attricks. Yes - holiday idiots everywhere.

We just knew this was going to happen! Sometimes it doesn't pay to be right. Just as well we don't do this for pay! Only a pair of old fellas could bring Putin, Zelensky, Nicola Olyslagers and Molly Picklum to the round table. Then next thing - bloody Waverley Council wanna get in on the action! In the end, Jerry gets on his trust stead and saunters off glittering like a cloudless night ... or a clownless circus - we're not quite sure.

The Louvre break-in! So many questions! Why do Australian reporters pronounce it LOO-ver? Did Candace and Brigitte kiss and make up? Who let the dogs out? In the end, Jerry squanders his resistance for a pocketful of pugilism. I guess it's better than contracting mange ...

Time to have the hard conversation: Are tomatoes a fruit or a vegetable? Is human DNA 60% banana? Does she really sell sea shells by the sea shore? These and other brain busting Government secrets will remain undercover in Episode 79. But the journey is worth it. Proceed with caution - especially all you Grandmamas and Grandpapas.

Slower than a speeding bullet, less powerful than a locomotive - but she CAN leap tall buildings in a single bound. Our Nicola is the pride of Spindly Pines and surrounds. Even Richard Fosbury is impressed, and he's dead!One person who's not dead: ya bop-girl Grannie! She's been up all night ... baking!!!! Reach for the Alka-Seltzer, hangers!

It's Heroes Ahoy! And racists, apparently. Jerry's hero, Jimmy, is still protesting the Vietnam War, but it just gives him heartburn. Oh, what a tangled Webb ...

Woh!!! Did you hear what happened to the Shenanigans? Yeah, neither did we. But we'll just make it up as we go along. It's all about flying by the seat of your pants - if you're wearing any. Then afterwards, everyone down to the Rec Room for the Retirement Village Shuffle.

At last! Jerry's sports predicting skills come through. Result? Everyone smells! The PM's having an affair with a panda - just for the bamboo undies. Mattel and Barbie go all inclusive and non-inclusive all at the same time. The Prince of Darkness sees the tunnel of light. And! What's the thing with hospitals?! They're as dangerous as a night naked in the Vietnam jungle!

Yes - you've waited long enough ... At last! International Sushi Day! The planets align! And to celebrate, Jerry and Barry clean up Nudify, Paul McCartney and Marge Simpson. Now THAT, hangers and danglers, is the work of a pair of righteous brothers!

Yes - the boys tackle the big subjects. International missile exchange, armistice negotiations and the importance of underarm! Conclusion: nice day to start again. (In case you're wondering ...)

It's definitely been a long and hard one - but after 97 coffees and just as many toilet breaks, we've got this one finished off ...With a little "Help!" from our heroes - alive, dead and rumoured O.P.D. Barefoot while crossing the road and backs to the camera, please!

Yes Attrick lovers! The Mighty Albo storms Election Beach, then takes the headland! And that's not the only election for Lillian, Mavis and Gertrude to admire. Analovski's got a bit of post-election constipation - too much standing in line ... So, Jerry dishes up a coupla helpings of cranberries. Does the trick every time. Matron!!! Air freshener to the East Wing!

Would the last person to escape Easter '25 please turn out the lights! Yes viewers, it's death all around for the long weekend. Batman last week, the Pope this week! Looks like it doesn't pay to wear a silly cape! Will the Church pass on the profits? I bet you they don't!

Yes - it's Vale Val Kilmer. But he got 25 years he shouldn't have, so it's all good. Barry discovers Nurse Bukesham is a mutant. No hand-modelling contract for her. But on the bright side, with dexterity like that, it's so easy to fall in love.

The redactions have been unredacted. The documents have been documented. And what goes on in the back seat should stay in the back seat ... If ONLY! To be honest, having the radio on was very distracting. So were the windscreen wipers. Bloody weather. At least we'll always have Elon ...

Ep 67 - Mozart's Birthday and Other TraumaAfter 269 years, it's time to reset. So the Attricks reach into the soap opera kitbag and pull out a classic reset narrative. But Jerry's not taking it lying down. In ya dreams! I mean, seriously! Ella Fitzgerald, Johnny Mathis and Ray Stevens will be rolling in their graves!

In a feeble attempt to boost ratings, and against legal advice, Jerry makes an on-air confession - to everything! Shooting JFK. Faking the moon landing. The Napoleonic Wars. Cue the tell-all tome. Complete the medley. Split the light spectrum. Meh. A typical day really ...

After an enforced hiatus, Baz n Jez make a comeback. Plenty of headlines. Plenty of updates. Plenty of hangin' out. It might be summer romance season, but the arranged marriage to James Packer is OFF!

All the Attrick action from the 5 Rings Festival - packed into one Gold Gold Gold episode. All the thigh-strangling lycra you can poke a stick at. And with the Old Fellas' commentary, there's very little left to the imagination.

No faffing about, Hangers - chalk up a red letter day! Albo justifies his existence - and his out-of-control hairdressing costs. But we'll overlook it on this occasion. Qantas gets it wrong (again), but Elon gets it right. So, we can all sleep again. Meanwhile, Morty Geigercounter's pacemaker short circuits - and Jerry does Gerry! Liverpool FC will never be the same.

Denzel of Dubbo's ashes have a birthday. The hired assassin misses again! Underpants have a day out! Oh - and not to mention: Debbie's Boobs! Meanwhile, we await the return of the sausages. So, let's celebrate! You, me and the Sailor - over a glass of champagne!

Well!!! You never know what you'll find in ya Morning Motion - if you look close enough. A bloody great Cetacean! A true Whippomorphian! Barry questions its motives, but Jerry just accepts its presence. In fact - he feels it in his fingers, he feels it in his toes ...

It's the veneration of today's Aussie athletes and the demise of yesterday's. No fear, Hangers! Barry and Jerry have all the highs, the lows and the in-betweens. Especially the in-betweens. Get your baggy pants on sports fans - it's silly dance time!

It's the Festival of the Five Rings - Spindly Pines style. Let's scull some steroid soup, grab a paddle and a pair of togs, then head off to Paris representing Aussie octogenarianism. Doing what octogenarians do best - whingeing, gettin' it wrong and falling asleep mid-senten ..........ce ... The situation is tailor made!

Yes - everyone's ducking bullets. Someone's dunking the wife. And Jerry's dodging the rain but not the pain, in a heart fluttering tribute to an entire continent.

Spindly Pines Governors decide the Attricks are redundant. So Barry and Jerry go into hiding. Yes, it's the podcast from the crypt, Hangers! Now if they can just find the can opener! Jerry has to play it cold - and amber. Break out the Pepper Potts!

It's not easy to be made redundant at Spindly Pines Nursing Home. But that's a good reason for the Attrick Brothers to give it a go. Along the way, there's a bit of Dicky Knee action. A bit of Apollo 8 inaction. ABBA get crowned - or something. And Australian cricket goes the wobbly. Man! I feel like a lie down!

This time it's: Ad Libitum Ad Infinitum. More Latin rhythms. More Lorem Ipsum with noise. The addendum to the compendium to the appendix. Jerry turns off his mind to commit utter sacrilege! He is now condemned to eternity in the Void.

This is: Ad Libitum Ad Nauseum! Jerry and Barry get in touch with their Latin rhythms. Lorem Ipsum - but with sound! There's National Gallery controversy. Ticketmaster controversy. And Corona Virus silliness ... again! It all takes its toll on the Aussie swim team. Again!

Once again the Old Fellas get painted in gold, 007-style. The Attricks recycle a Grammy or three, Mr Analovski gets named Contortionist of the Week, and Jerry's butt transfigurates into the 5th Dimension! Someone! Dettol!

It was the best of sportz. It was the worst of sportz. Talk about an age of wisdom! And then, there's the Attrick Brothers - Barry and Jerry. Yes Hangers! This is a rehash - days of Sportz Past! A bunch of Old Fella Sportz commentary! Spelt with a 'z' to avoid getting a copyright strike - from ourselves! Gold! Gold! Gold to Spindly PInes!

Yep! Jerry called it - someone drugged the soup! And what does Melbourne get in return? Jabba, Twiggy and their decadent entourage! I dunno - it's all just too low for zero!

Who'da thought 50 years could get past us?! Yes, it's a quick Attrick celebration of the 70s, whacky chemicals included. Then a quick Attrick celebration of all things marathoning. Followed by a lot of plunging and plummeting! But hey - that's life on the edge ... wooooooh! Watch-under!!!! (Just don't mention Sam Kerr ...)

Baz is back! Easter is back! VIP Airforce Jet travel is back! Even those Chinese Golden Waving Cats are back! And who knows why. Probably just because …

Barry's procedure went splendidly, but he's warned off microphones 'til the scarring ripens ... which'll be a while coz it's grey at the moment. Anyway, thanks for the cards and chocolates. I ate them all before I got them to Barry, so I'm not sure whether to tell him. What'dya think viewers? Let's take a vote - no more monkee'ing around!

So! Barry's orf! Having "the procedure" ... So here's some impromptu bits we prepared earlier. Mouth in gear before brain - guaranteed. Someone call the media!

Special effects! Special guests! Special specials! And that's just the introduction! It's all to celebrate the collapse of Western Civilisation. And just for the kiddies, Jerry guzzles down the most difficult song parody - EVER! Good Lord, that's moist!

It's happened again, viewers! Damned censorship board took one sample of Episode 50 and voted with a resounding, "Nyet!" As in, 'Not yet.' So it was Matron's turn to attack the original cassette tape with the safety scissors. And hey presto - there goes 3 minutes! Never to be found again.

The International Awards judges sent us an S.O.S asking for a 10 minute trailer, that describes what the Old Fellas podcast is all about.A few highlights. A general summary. Some good examples.In the end, we did this instead ...

Yes hangers! It's the new and improved Episode 49 ... New parody and everything! The censor stuck a skewer through the old Episode 49! So, librarian grabbed the safety scissors and snipped out the offending bits. Now Episode 49 is leaner, shorter - tastier! And that never goes out of style.

When the Attrick Brothers do it, they REALLY do it. But just what the hell, is "IT"? I dunno. Ask Stephen King. Or the Addams Family. Rest assured Matron & Librarian will ruin the Attrick reputation with these random snippets. So nothing's wasted. (Except Mavis, but that's a story for episode one ...)