Healed-ish
by Jubilee Dawn
Welcome to Healed-ish! A podcast about the messy, beautiful, and sometimes insane process of healing. Each week, host Jubilee Dawn (@jubileedawns) sits down with survivors of betrayal, religious trauma, catfishing, toxic relationships, and more to unpack the chaos and growth that comes with starting over. These are the stories people don’t always tell — honest, raw, a little funny, and fully human.
Episodes
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101. The Cult-Like World of MLMs (Brandie's Story)
This week on Healed-ish, I'm joined by Brandie, who spent 10 years in an on-and-off relationship with Juice Plus, a multi-level marketing company (MLM), spending over $100,000 along the way. We discuss the cult-like dynamics of MLMs, from the promise of community and financial freedom to…
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100. Ushering in the End Times at IHOP (Brittany’s Story)
What happens when you dedicate your life to preparing for the end of the world? This week on Healed-ish, I'm joined by Brittany, who discovered the International House of Prayer (IHOPKC) through its worship music and became devoted to its mission. Dreaming of becoming a full-time intercessory...
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99. Hell Houses: How a Church Convinced a 10-Year-Old She Was Dead
When Amanda was just 10 years old, a friend invited her to what she thought was a haunted house. Instead, she found herself inside a terrifying staged experience where she was told she died in a car accident, attended her own funeral, and was taken to “hell.” The worst part? She genuinely…
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98. Working Under a False Prophet: Shawn Bolz (Johnny's Story)
Johnny spent more than a decade involved with Expression58, a charismatic church in Los Angeles where he thought he had found something beautiful: a creative community, a sense of purpose, and eventually a career in ministry. Along the way, he worked under prominent prophetic minister Shawn Bolz....
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97. Dear Daddy God.... (Hannah Beck's Story)
Comedian Hannah Beck joins me to unpack the lore behind her viral “Dear Daddy God” series, where she reads entries from her extremely religious childhood journals. From judging her friends for watching Glee (while watching it herself for “research”) to practicing kissing with her best friend for...
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96. Gold Dust, Healings & Bad Evidence: Finger of God | Cringe Rewatch
This documentary literally helped convince me to go to Bethel. 😂 Finger of God follows filmmaker Darren Wilson as he searches for evidence that God is still performing supernatural miracles today. This includes healings, gold dust and gold teeth. At the time, Anna and I were completely…
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95. Faith Over Family: Escaping Jehovah’s Witnesses: Part 2 (Ben’s Story)
CW: Conversion therapy, homophobia, suicidal ideation, religious abuse Ben was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, where strict rules, purity culture, and the threat of shunning shaped his life. After coming to terms with being gay, he was forced into a “study” that turned into conversion therapy and...
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94. Faith Over Family: Escaping Jehovah’s Witnesses: Part 1 (Ben’s Story)
CW: Conversion therapy, homophobia, suicidal ideation, religious abuse Ben was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness, where strict rules, purity culture, and the threat of shunning shaped his life. After coming to terms with being gay, he was forced into a “study” that turned into conversion therapy and...
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93. Inside Campus Crusade for Christ: Cru (Rachel’s Story)
Rachel didn't grow up religious, but after being introduced to church through a friend, Christianity eventually became her entire world. In college, she joined Campus Crusade for Christ (now Cru) and ultimately turned ministry into a full-time career. Rachel shares the cracks she began to see…
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92. Captivating: Cringe Book Club
Cringe Book Club has officially arrived to Healed-ish! If you’ve seen the series on my TikTok, you know where this is going: we’re revisiting the Christian books that shaped how many of us thought about faith, relationships, gender, sex, and ourselves, and asking... what exactly were we reading?!...
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91. Growing up Seventh-Day Adventist (Melissa Duge Spiers' Story)
Melissa Duge Spiers grew up Seventh-day Adventist in a world shaped by strict rules, purity culture, and expectations of what it meant to be a good Christian woman. We talk about Ellen G. White and the beginnings of the Seventh-day Adventist Church, Melissa’s rebellion and eventual separation…
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90. Youth Camps & Megachurches (Ellie's Story)
Youth camp was Ellie’s happy place. She made memories with friends, had powerful emotional experiences, and led worship. But after getting involved in a megachurch, she began seeing what happened behind the scenes and what happened when she started asking honest questions. Ellie shares her…
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89. Mica Miller & the Death of the Pastor's Wife
CW: Domestic Violence, Sexual Abuse, and Discussion of Suicide After many requests to talk about Mica Miller's story and Netflix's Death of the Pastor's Wife, Rihanna (@thediaryofrihanna) joins me to unpack the case and the troubling dynamics surrounding Mica's marriage to pastor JP Miller. With…
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88. Conversion Therapy Dropout (Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez's Story)
Timothy Schraeder Rodriguez had a passion for ministry, but after a trusted youth pastor discovered his internet search history, he was shamed and forced to leave his church. Desperate to change his sexuality, Timothy dove headfirst into conversion therapy through Exodus International, learning…
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87. How Church Taught Us to Distrust Our Bodies with Samantha Redondo
What happens when you've been taught not to trust your own body? Somatic therapist Samantha (@spiritualembodiment) joins me to explore how purity culture, charismatic Christianity, and harmful messages about our bodies can disconnect us from ourselves. We discuss body shame, eating disorders,...
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86. Rapture Anxiety, the Pressure to Be Pure & Starting Over (Rebecca's Story)
Rebecca grew up afraid of hell, the rapture, and stepping outside of God’s plan. From the pressure to remain pure to a pastor refusing to marry her after she “fell into sin,” shame shaped some of her biggest life decisions. Years later, she discovered the Christian man she trusted had been living…
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85. Church, Hollywood & Reclaiming Intuition: Part 2 (Katie's Story)
Part 2 of 2 CW: sexual assault Katie Stone spent her teenage years trying to be the perfect Christian girl, learning to cover herself up, follow the rules, and trust spiritual authority over her own intuition. After leaving the church and pursuing her dreams in Hollywood, she found that the two...
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84. Church, Hollywood & Reclaiming Intuition: Part 1 (Katie's Story)
Part 1 of 2 CW: sexual assault Katie Stone spent her teenage years trying to be the perfect Christian girl, learning to cover herself up, follow the rules, and trust spiritual authority over her own intuition. After leaving the church and pursuing her dreams in Hollywood, she found that the two...
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83. Youth Pastors Gone Wild with Jeremy Steele
Welcome to the first Friday Drop! Every other Friday, I'll be bringing you conversations, behind-the-scenes stories, and bonus episodes. To kick things off, I'm joined by Jeremy (@skeptic.pastor), a former youth pastor, to swap stories about the absolutely unhinged things that happened in...
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82. Losing the God I Was Given | The Gardening Theologian: Part 2 (Ciarra's Story)
Part 2 of 2 This week, I'm joined by Ciarra, also known as The Gardening Theologian. Raised in a conservative Christian environment, Ciarra learned early to suppress her queer identity and accept the version of God she had been given. But after attending Berkeley, Harvard Divinity School…
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81. Losing the God I Was Given | The Gardening Theologian: Part 1 (Ciarra's Story)
Part 1 of 2This week, I'm joined by Ciarra, also known as The Gardening Theologian. Raised in a conservative Christian environment, Ciarra learned early to suppress her queer identity and accept the version of God she had been given. But after attending Berkeley, Harvard Divinity School, studying...
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80. YWAM, the Smartphone Prophet, and Bizarre Acts of Faith (Hannah's Story)
After taking a break from college, Hannah joined Youth With A Mission (YWAM), where she immersed herself in charismatic Christianity. In this episode, she shares what that environment was actually like. Speaking in tongues, faith healing, evangelism, and pressure to prove your faith through...
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79. From Amish to Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (Jeffrey’s Story)
Jeff was raised in an Amish household before his family joined the Mennonite church. Years later, he found himself at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, hoping for a different kind of faith. Instead, his time there became the beginning of his deconstruction and his journey toward accepting...
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78. The Voice, Deconstruction & Coming Out After Purity Culture (Jordan Rainer's Story)
Jordan Rainer (The Voice, Team Reba) joins me to share her journey from Southern Baptist purity culture to deconstruction. We talk about suppressing feelings, navigating a difficult marriage shaped by church advice, choosing divorce, coming out, and rebuilding relationships after leaving her…
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77. Everything Was A Punishment From God (Shelly's Story)
*CW* emotional abuse, suicidal ideation, parentification Shelly grew up believing that every hardship had a spiritual explanation. After her parents' dramatic conversion to Christianity, they were convinced that her health problems were punishment for her mother's past, and later blamed Shelly's...
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76. The Bible Led Me To Atheism | Eve Was Framed (Promise's Story)
Promise, known as Eve Was Framed, was raised in charismatic Christianity where speaking in tongues, prophecy, mission trips, and supernatural experiences were a normal part of life. She eventually attended Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM) and expected her faith to continue growing.…
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75. My Youth Pastor Dad Had an “Affair”... At Least, That’s What They Told Me (Carley’s Story)
Carley grew up as the daughter of a youth pastor and has many fond memories of church, faith, and family. But when she was young, her parents sat her down and told her that her father had an emotional affair and would be leaving the church. Little else was said, and life moved on. Years later,...
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74. What Purity Culture Never Taught Us About Women's Bodies | ft. Azriél Patricia & Dr. Ashley Jeanius
Did purity culture leave you with more questions than answers about your body? In this episode, I sit down with Azriél Patricia and Dr. Ashley Jeanius for an honest conversation about women's health, anatomy, and all the things many of us were never taught. We discuss purity culture's obsession...
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73. Raised Pentecostal: Hell, Healing, and Heartbreak (Bailee’s Story)
Bailee was raised as a pastor's kid in the Pentecostal church, where speaking in tongues, prophecies, and miraculous healing were part of everyday life. She was taught that God always wants to heal, so when her father was diagnosed with cancer, her family fully expected a miracle. After he passed...
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72. God Told Me To Marry Him (Ashley’s Story)
*Content warning: emotional abuse, animal abuse* Ashley, co-host of Praise Be To Pod, didn't grow up deeply religious. After attending youth camps as a teenager, she dove headfirst into evangelical Christianity and even encouraged her own parents to become more involved in church. Eventually, she...
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71. Reclaiming Testify to Love (Michael Passons' Story)
Michael Passons spent years as a member of Avalon, one of the most successful groups in Christian music. In this episode, he shares his journey from breaking into the industry and rising to fame, to navigating life as a gay man in a world that taught him his sexuality needed to be changed.…
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70. A Bill Nye Debate Sparked My Deconstruction: Part 2 (David's Story)
In this episode, I’m joined by David from Deep Drinks. After a powerful encounter with God, he became a youth pastor at just 19, but being pushed out of ministry led him into a season of questioning everything. We talk about his experience with OCD, including intrusive thoughts and compulsions to...
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69. A Bill Nye Debate Sparked My Deconstruction: Part 1 (David's Story)
In this episode, I’m joined by David from Deep Drinks. After a powerful encounter with God, he became a youth pastor at just 19, but being pushed out of ministry led him into a season of questioning everything. We talk about his experience with OCD, including intrusive thoughts and compulsions to...
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68. When Everything Stopped Being Black and White (Stephanie Stalvey's Story)
In this episode, I’m joined by author and artist Stephanie Stalvey to talk about growing up in the church, navigating purity culture, and what it looks like to begin questioning the beliefs you were taught. We also talk about how becoming a mother shifted her perspective on God, identity, and…
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67. From Megachurch Pastor to Skeptic Pastor (Jeremy Steele's Story)
When Jeremy Steele was a growing up, a woman at church told him God wanted him to become a pastor. From that moment on, he devoted his life to Christianity, eventually attending seminary, becoming a youth pastor, and spending 12 years working inside a megachurch system. In this episode, Jeremy...
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66. Racism, Grief, and My Experience at Bethel: Part 2 (Krys' Story)
Part 2 of 2 Krys shares her experience attending Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, where she and her brother were deeply involved in the community and on the worship team. What began as a calling eventually became something much more complicated. In this episode, she opens up about the...
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65. Racism, Grief, and My Experience at Bethel: Part 1 (Krys' Story)
Part 1 of 2 Krys shares her experience attending Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, where she and her brother were deeply involved in the community and on the worship team. What began as a calling eventually became something much more complicated. In this episode, she opens up about the...
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64. Ex-Christian Nationalist: When 2016 Changed Everything (April Ajoy's Story)
April Ajoy joins me to talk about growing up in Christian nationalism, where fear of the rapture, politics, and faith were deeply intertwined. She shares what it was like to be raised believing the end of the world was always around the corner, including a moment where she thought she had been…
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Purity Culture Dilemma: AITAH for Saying My Wife’s Virginity Didn’t Matter?
Bethany Joy (a past Healed-ish guest) joins me to react to some wild and messy Reddit stories. We get into purity culture and a husband who said his wife’s virginity didn’t matter, a destination wedding dilemma, and what to do when someone calls themselves your husband’s “work wife.” We also talk...
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63. No Holidays, No Sex, No Questions: Inside Jehovah’s Witness Life (Micki’s Story)
Micki grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness after her mom joined when she was a child. From going door to door and studying The Watchtower, to missing out on birthdays, holidays, and normal milestones, her life was shaped by strict rules, purity culture, and fear of the outside world. At 35, everything...
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62. The Cost of Being Devout (David Archuleta’s Story)
David Archuleta joins me to talk about his new memoir and everything that shaped the person he is today. We get into what it was like growing up in the LDS church, the pressure he faced from his dad at a young age, and how that carried into his experience on American Idol. David shares how much…
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61. IBLP and The Umbrella of Authority: Part 2 (Bethany’s Story)
Content warning: This episode includes discussion of domestic violence and sexual abuse. Bethany was raised in IBLP, the same belief system associated with the Duggars, where teachings like the “umbrella of authority” shaped her understanding of marriage and submission. As one of eleven children,...
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60. IBLP and the Umbrella of Authority: Part 1 (Bethany’s Story)
Content warning: This episode contains mentions of domestic violence and sexual abuse. Bethany was raised in IBLP, the same belief system associated with the Duggars, where teachings like the “umbrella of authority” shaped her understanding of marriage and submission. As one of eleven children…
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59. Abused by My Therapist for Years (Mia Chard's Story)
Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of physical & spiritual abuse, self harm, and suicide. Mia was born and raised in the LDS church and experienced childhood sexual abuse that deeply impacted her mental health. As she struggled with self harm, an eating disorder, and thoughts of...
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58. Trauma Tuesday: Growing Up as the Scapegoat Child (Scarlet’s Story)
*Scroll for CW* Get ready for Trauma Tuesday! Scarlet is a content creator known for sharing her trauma through dark humor, and her stories have gone viral for a reason. In this episode, she opens up about growing up in an abusive home where her brother was treated like the golden child, while…
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57. From Jehovah's Witness to "Disfellowdipped" (Jordan's Story)
Jordan as a Jehovah’s Witnesses, where his childhood revolved around church meetings, strict rules, and going door to door to share what he believed was the truth. In this episode, he shares what it was like growing up in that environment, from confessing sins to elders to the belief that they…
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56. A Bible Scholar's Deconstruction (Mattie Mae Motl's Story)
Mattie Mae Motl is a Bible scholar who specializes in gender and sexuality, and her work sits right at the intersection of faith, doubt, and curiosity. In this episode, Mattie shares what first sparked her deconstruction and the moments that led her to question some of the beliefs she once held...
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55. Starting Over After Choosing Divorce (Cora Lakey's Story)
Cora Lakey has been documenting her healing journey on TikTok after choosing divorce during a season when she thought she and her husband would be trying for a baby. She knew it was the right decision, but that didn’t make it easy. In this episode, she shares what it was like to hold both…
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54. Q&A: Deconstruction, Purity Culture, and Marriage (Jubilee & Brandon)
In this Q&A episode of Healed-ish, I’m answering your most frequently asked questions about religious trauma, purity culture, and deconstruction. We talk about faith, healing, unlearning fear, and navigating life after high-control religion. And yes, we also address the very important question of...
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53. My Husband Has Zero Religious Trauma (Brandon's Story)
In this episode of Healed-ish, I’m joined by my husband Brandon for the first time! Brandon was raised Catholic in a small church and has only positive memories of his faith. He was never threatened with hell, taught purity culture, or taught to associate love with fear or obedience. His…
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About this show
Welcome to Healed-ish! A podcast about the messy, beautiful, and sometimes insane process of healing. Each week, host Jubilee Dawn (@jubileedawns) sits down with survivors of betrayal, religious trauma, catfishing, toxic relationships, and more to unpack the chaos and growth that comes with starting over. These are the stories people don’t always tell — honest, raw, a little funny, and fully human.
Hosted by
Jubilee Dawn
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