PODCAST · sports
How Dead the Mariners Are
by Nigel Williamson
Some drink, some smoke, and the Mariners are fucking dead. Pick your poison. marinersdisgustblog.substack.com
Episodes
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The Fog of War
“It’s segments like this, where the listener can’t see what we’re talking about, that’re gonna make us really successful.” “Think of run and bat value as the aggregate of all components of run expectancy, which encompasses the on-field results on a situation-by-situation basis. The following…
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Assigning Letter Grades to Each Mariner Position Group at the All-Star Break
As Major League Baseball reaches the All-Star Break, Zander, Jack, Alex, and Nicholas sit down around the Blue Mic and offer first-half letter grades for each of the Mariners’ positions across the diamond. Mind the weird whooshing feedback. 5:45 — Starting Pitching: B “None of our pitchers is a...
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On Baseball and Politics
Listen, I know how little I know about this shit. My laundry smells more like privilege than it does shit, cat piss, or spliff smoke. I mean we barely even know anything about the Mariners which is something we spend like six hours of our days obsessing over. Well, Zander knows quite a bit. We…
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Going Absolutely in on the Big Dumper
I didn’t even deign to edit this one because it was so bad. But I think it’s hilariously bad enough to post anyway. Plus we’re desperate to get content out. Stay tuned while we figure out how to use the microphone I bought from Eli at Guitar Center. Shout out Eli, by the way. Great guy. Need to…
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The Wastoid Collection
This is not a podcast you should listen to if… * You have anything to do OR * You are affiliated with me professionally in any remote understanding of the word * AND you care about professionalism OR C. You hate The Wall. Please leave in the comments if you think I/we should change our name(s) on...
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Mariners 2026 Preseason Awards Show
The Dylan Moore Award for Shittiest Infielder: Cole Young The Jesse Winker/Taylor Trammell Award for Worst Outfielder: Luke Raley The Luis Castillo Award for Most Hated Starting Pitcher: Bryce Miller The Matt Festa Award for Least Trustworthy Reliever: Carlos Vargas The Jesse Winker Award for…
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2026 Season Preview
“This isn’t a place for people to get reliable news, right? You know, that’s not this platform. That’s why they have other platforms — is for that kind of thing.” “You’re reading a bedtime story, and you have the paper behind your kid’s head, and you’re rolling while you’re reading. I wonder if…
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Fanfiction
This podcast was recorded on Friday, December 12, approximately 18 hours before Jorge Polanco signed with the Mets. You can see the results of our discussion on the whiteboard pictured above, or you can save 40 minutes and look at it below. For posterity’s sake, we’ll keep Jorge Polanco in there.…
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John Stanton Placates Fans by Re-Signing Josh Naylor
Was it the no-trade clause? Was it Vue Lounge? Or was it the elite assortment of private school options in the greater Seattle area? The guys sit down and get to the bottom of just what, exactly, a ‘no-trade clause’ even means. M.A.D. Unlimited is not really worth your time. To support this work...
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2025 Season Recap Part 2: Offseason Preview
At the end of the day, John Stanton will continue to profit off his players and refrain from paying them as much as he can afford because he makes more money that way, and he knows that, deep down, as much as fans may gripe and be upset about that, he will continue to get away with it because…
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2025 Season Review Part 1: ALCS Gm 7 Recap
We finally got around to editing our season recap episode but only got through the first third. And I’m unemployed! Brought to you by Audacity. Thanks for reading M.A.D. Unlimited! This post is public so feel free to share it. Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at...
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An ALCS Preview Slightly More Enjoyable to Listen to Than a YouTube Ad for Tron Ares
In this podcast, I accidentally use the word ‘amount’ when I obviously mean to say ‘number.’ Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at marinersdisgustblog.substack.com/subscribe
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Deus Ex Machina
Before I start on my own melodramatic piece, I’d like to formally recognize Alex Johanson for putting this podcast together. He had the idea for the muckbang, hosted it at Zander’s apartment, and did all the editing. And I think this may be our best piece yet. I’m actually writing this on Friday...
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They Have Us Right Where They Want Us
September 22, 2025, Seattle, WA — After exorcising our summer road demons with blowout wins in Kansas City and a sweep of the battered Astros—capped by a 7–3 thrashing of Houston on national television so lopsided I forced my girlfriend to watch Chiefs–Giants in the Meadowlands instead—the 2025...
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Seattle Mariners All-21st-Century Team: Pitching
We each list our top five single-season pitching seasons from the year 2000 through present, narrowing down the list into a somewhat concise, very difficult to follow five-man rotation and three-man bullpen. We then pit our finalized roster, position-by-position, against the 2024 Los Angeles...
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Seattle Mariners All-21st-Century Team: Offense
We go position by position, each putting forth a guy from a specific year (i.e., ‘I’ll take 2006 Randy Wynn in left field’) and arguing his case before finally voting on each roster spot.. Can’t use a guy more than once. In other words, you can’t put 2001 Ichiro in right field and 2004 Ichiro at...
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Game 70: A Retrospective Podcast My Grandparents Will Surely Love
“What relievers do you find, like, when they enter the game, you’re like, ‘Okay, I feel good about, like, a scoreless inning?’” -Zander Norris (20:27) Timestamps: * 0:00: PSA to abundance of listeners & haters * 1:30: Devers trade * 3:45: M’s sweep Guardians * 6:30: How each team in the AL…
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Game 36: The Guys Discuss the Mariners' Final Series Win of the Season
In a completely random stroke of luck, the Mariners use the putridity of the Athletics’ bullpen to overcome a dreadful start from supposed ace Brian Woo. ”You can never get ahead of yourselves with this team. I’ve seen too many ‘Mike Juninos’ in my time.” Get full access to M.A.D. Unlimited at...
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Game 13: Mount Rushmore of Current Mariners Players to DFA
In light of Wednesday’s win, Jack, Alex, and I reset the tone by talking about some of our least favorite players on the Ms’ roster. “He got kind of a fluky, like, pop-single, and they cut to him on first base, and he’s got his hands up above his head, he’s clapping, the dugout’s cheering for…
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Game 12: The Mariners Fail to Score Any Runs
In this recap, I talk about the bottom of the 11th, in which the Mariners fail to score any runs against a basement-dwelling pitcher from the Astros’ bullpen. “I’m here to talk a little bit about last night’s 12-inning loss to your Houston Astros, probably the most hated franchise in the history…
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Game Four: Julio, Ball Please!
In today’s special edition of How Dead the Mariners Are, we hear from Jack Weigand, a 25-year-old suffering from a particularly debilitating case of Mariners Fandom. He discusses how Julio Rodriguez hit a baseball directly to him from 438 feet away in Sunday’s game. “My buddy, Jared, is like…
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Game Two: A Podcast As Futile As the Mariners’ Offense
In today’s edition of Pronouncing the Mariners Dead, I drive 65 miles per hour on Interstate 5 North while recording a half-assed recap of a game I didn’t watch, nor will I ever have any interest in thinking about ever again. I don’t recommend listening to this one. Get full access to M.A.D....
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does How Dead the Mariners Are have?
How Dead the Mariners Are currently has 22 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is How Dead the Mariners Are about?
Some drink, some smoke, and the Mariners are fucking dead. Pick your poison. marinersdisgustblog.substack.com
How often does How Dead the Mariners Are release new episodes?
How Dead the Mariners Are has 22 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to How Dead the Mariners Are?
You can listen to How Dead the Mariners Are on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts How Dead the Mariners Are?
How Dead the Mariners Are is created and hosted by Nigel Williamson.
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