How To Make Love™

In this episode, we explore why truly living our values—like inclusivity, growth, and liberation—requires more than good intentions. It demands the uncomfortable, ongoing practice of changing our minds. Drawing on neuroscience and real-life examples, laura breaks down an actionable process for recognizing when our thinking is limited, pausing our defensive reactions, and expanding our capacity to hold complexity. If you've ever found yourself shutting down opposing perspectives or clinging to certainty, this conversation offers a powerful reframe: inclusivity isn't just a belief—it's a skill. And learning to update your thinking, even slightly, can transform how you relate to others and move through the world. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.  

This episode is about the habit of making someone wrong—-and how quickly that instinct shapes the way we relate to each other. I'm asking what becomes possible if we loosen our grip on blame and instead choose something more curious, and more human. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

What happens after you let go of forced hope? No breakthrough. No surge of inspiration. Just life—continuing. In this quiet, honest episode building off of last month, we explore what it means to stay put when nothing feels especially promising. Not grit. Not toxic positivity. Just the radical act of not turning away. If you're tired of pretending things will "work out" and still want to remain in love, in care, in contact with life—this one's for you. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

How do you hope when there's no logical reason to? In this episode, we explore what hope really is—and what it isn't. Rather than treating hope as optimism, belief, or confidence about the future, this conversation reframes hope as a present-moment orientation toward life, even when things feel bleak, overwhelming, or hopeless. Join patreon here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

What does it mean to stay human in a world that fuels disconnection, numbness, and productivity? This episode digs into everyday forms of dehumanization—and offers five messy, honest practices to help you rehumanize yourself and the spaces/relationships around you. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

laura reflects on the paradox of fighting for liberation while remembering we are already free. Through Buddhist practice, personal story, and practical tools, she invites listeners to live from wholeness now—even in the midst of struggle. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

In this deeply human episode of How to Make Love, laura invites us to practice despair—not as defeat, but as an act of love and honesty. Together, we explore how to face the unbearable truths of our world—genocide, displacement, climate crises, and quiet suffering—without turning away or being swallowed by numbness. This is not an episode of false hope—it is an invitation to stay human in a breaking world. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

Let's explore the radical, often uncomfortable practice of believing in others—even when life, systems, and personal history give us every reason not to. This episode challenges our instincts to withdraw trust and explores belief as a choice to see people as unfinished, capable, and still becoming. It's not about ignoring harm—it's about holding complexity with integrity, courage, and care. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

Letting go isn't often graceful, it tends to be gutting—and it might also be the truest path to liberation. In this episode, laura explores what it truly means to release relationships, roles, and illusions that no longer serve us—personally, politically, and spiritually. If you've ever struggled to loosen your grip on what once defined you, this conversation is your invitation to choose courage over control.  Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

What if certainty is (sometimes) a part of the problem? This episode unpacks how our need to know can prop up domination—and how embracing the skillfullness of not knowing can be a practice of love, liberation, and justice. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here. Join laura's private network here to learn more about free, monthly metta meditation / training-an-open-heart calls.  

To fight or not to fight? And how? And against whom? Or for what? Join laura for a discussion about how to fight on behalf of love and justice differently. Plus a whole lot of reflection questions for your growth and development. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here. Join laura's private network here to learn more about free, monthly metta / loving kindness meditation and open-hearted skill-building for the next four years.

What do we do when we start to feel really embittered toward the world and the humans in it? How do we hold love and rage at the same time? How do we train in love when what we sometimes feel is hate? Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here. Join laura's private network here to learn more about free, monthly metta / loving kindness meditation and open-hearted skill-building for the next four years.

Can love really go toe-to-toe with hate? If so, how do we train for it? What does love really have to do with today and the next four years? Come dig in. Join laura's private network here to learn more about monthly metta / loving kindness meditation and open-hearted skill-building for the next four years. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here.

In this episode, we explore the art of personal reinvention — what it means to choose change on your own terms and imagine new possibilities for your life. Reinvention is more than self-discovery; it's the training ground for transforming the world. Apply to UNscript here. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here. Become a patreon of the podcast here.

Join host laura brewer for discussion about practicing self, family, and organizational care during the upcoming weeks -- and how to prepare for it now. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here. Become a patreon of the podcast here.

We rarely confront the true costs of courage—social, emotional, physical, personal, professional. This episode unpacks why, despite the steep price, courage is worth the choice for personal and collective liberation—helping you understand the cost and truly consent to it. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here. Become a patreon of the podcast here. Leave a review on itunes by scrolling down a little futher. We appreciate it!

Loveability is a mess. But love-ability? Now we're talking. Tune in to hear why shifting from "loveability" to "love-ability" might change your life, and the world around us. Download the transcript here. Connect with laura about the episode here. Become a patreon of the podcast here. Leave a review on itunes by scrolling down a little futher. We appreciate it!

How do we love people we really, really disagree with? Join today's guest Jada Hebra to hear her personal story of crossing a giant divide with her spouse. As the election cycle heats up and divides between people are more inflammed than ever before, this conversation is a must-listen –– especially for those who want to practice rehumanizing our culture and our relationships. Fun things to click🌟: Watch Jada's TEDx talk here. Check out Jada's suggested resources and/or download the transcript of this conversation here. Connect with laura about the episode here. Become a patreon of the podcast here. Leave a review on itunes by scrolling down a little futher. We appreciate it!

Happy Birthday/Anniversary to How To Make Love! 🎈 We're back after an extended sabbatical and ready to take on more making of the love, justice, courage, and other important things listeners value. Hear laura share what's been up, and what's getting going. Connect with laura – leave a speakpipe here or send an email here. Transcripts – You can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? ❤️ Become a patreon of the podcast. Read More  

The winter can pose unique challenges and opportunities to our practice of making love, courage, justice, and liberation. Tune in for a couple of things to remember and consider as you move through the world this winter. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

There's the idea of freedom and the somatics of freedom. Today's episode tackles how and why we should learn to cultivate the sensations of freedom in our bodies. Welcome. New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website (ps: we have a new website, too)! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

Who's ready for a mid-life crisis?! Me! You? Come on in for a lovingly honest and personal conversation about those feelings of falling apart –– midlife, or any other time.  New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website (ps: we have a new website, too)! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

Ethic. Process. Aspiration. Practice. Come learn what else UNcontrol is and means and why we should engage it in the work of personal and collective freedom. New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website (ps: we have a new website, too)! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

Belonging. Repair. Lines of difference. Today, guest Alli Myatt and I discuss radical relationships — especially at work. What makes them hard, what makes them complex, and what makes them beautiful. AND the things we need to unlearn so we can be in radical relationship with one another. Plus, a 🔥🔥🔥 book/resource list you don't want to miss out on here.  New Feature Alert: Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website. Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

Becoming a bad winner and a good loser is ... a little counterintuitive, to say the least. Learn how and why in this episode. And what all of that has to do with our collective and personal practice of liberation.  New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website (ps: we have a new website, too)! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

We all perform. We've all been socialized to perform. And: none of us are truly free in a performance. Today's episode will take you into the what, why, how of performance and assimilation, and leave you with reflection questions for your healing and UNperforming. New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website (ps: we have a new website, too)! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

The path of healing is paved in UNlearning. In today's episode, we'll hear examples of what there may be to UNlearn and how that UNlearning has played out in our guest's life. Featuring the incredible storyteller and doula Chrystal Toop, we take a journey survivalism, enoughness, wholeness, and healing. All through the lens of what there is for each of us – for all of us – to UNlearn. New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website (ps: we have a new website, too)! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. The transcript and other resources from this episode can be found here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

There is bracing. And there is breaking. In today's episode, learn why the latter is so essential to healing, to liberation, and to creation. Featuring the amazing liminalist Oceana Sawyer, this is a conversation about what we gain when we "lose" (control, fear, conditioning…), and what can be received only when we truly open. New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website (ps: we have a new website, too)! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. The transcript and other resources from this episode can be found here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

What's the thing that: a) humans do constantly, b) shapes our life in resounding ways, and c) we're never taught how to do? –– think. Our thoughts can be assets or liabilities in our life, and laura shares 5 tips in this episode to help all of us think a little better. New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website (ps: we have a new website, too)! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. Want to give a little love back to How To Make Love? Become a patreon of the podcast.

What––for you––is the single most essential skill or tool right now in your practice of justice?––love?––courage? That's the question the podcast will invite a whole new suit of guests to share and explore in the coming new year. laura kicks us off with her own reflections to the question, and her answers may surprise you. New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here.

When we learn to think of consent as a way of being and a practice in ALL domains of our life, we expand the work of justice, liberation, and love. Join laura for a discussion about why we should think about embodying consent across all our life, how to deepen our practice of consent when making requests of others, and how to deepen our embodiment of consent when saying yes/no/maybe. We'll also talk about the direct link between consent and anti-oppression/anti-racism. And of course, there's reflection questions for you too. New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcripts to our website! Now you can download written transcripts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here.

Sometimes called 'scarcity thinking,' laura breaks down and reframes the notion of scarcity – what is is, where it comes from, and how to heal it. Tune in for concrete suggestions, reflection questions, and tools for healing scarcity all through a lens of equity. While this episode is designed for individuals, it's also applicaple to teams and organizations struggling with scarcity orientation. New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcipts to our website! Now you can download written transcipts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. [Hyperlink] Want to engage more? Send laura a question from the episode. [Hyperlink] Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️ [Hyperlink] Consider whether direct support and coaching for 100 days from laura would support your goals. [Hyperlink]

Join laura for a conversation about how we make ease and how we erode ease in our personal relationships. Plus, we'll look  at some common culprits (personal responsibility, thoughts, and feelings) that can create generate an unhealthy sense of urgency and chip away at ease. That and much more! New Feature Alert! Transcripts! We've added episode transcipts to our website! Now you can download written transcipts, share them, copy/paste those reflection questions, or read along while you listen. Check out this episode's transcript here. Want to engage more? Send laura a question from the episode. Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️  

Purpose can be a guiding light. It can also be a dark shadow. But we rarely talk about the latter. We explore that conversation in this episode.

We can value freedom. We can treat it as an outcome. Or. And: we can train in making it our way of BEing. Resources from the podcast: Read My Grandmother's Hands, by Resma Menakem. Send laura a question from the episode. Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️ Link to become a patreon.

No part of you is bad. And also: some of your bits likely create harm in the world. Find out why, how, and what to do about it. Send laura a question from the episode. Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️ Link to become a patreon.

😮 Since we all judge other people, let's be sure we understand the whats, whys, and hows of it. Especially the hows that connect us to oppressive ways of being in the world so that we can operate – and judge – with more critical consciousness, more compassion, and less harm. Episode Resources: Send laura a question from the episode. Link to become a patreon. Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️

Most of us consider selfishness a bad thing...but what if that's an oppressive lie? Episode Resources: Link to become a patreon! Reflection Questions: How do/have you used the word selfish against other people? How has the word selfish been used against you? How do/have you used the word selfish against yourself? How do you want to (re)define selfish?   Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️

laura tackles a listener question from episode 82: "How can you personally tell the difference between feeling an emotion and inflaming an emotion?"   Do you have questions from any of the episodes? Let laura know here: https://www.speakpipe.com/laurabrewer  

High expectations can be helpful -- and they can create harm. For ourselves, and for others. How do we know the difference? What can be done to mitigate the harm? All in today's episode.    Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️ https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove     Access the show notes page here: www.laurabrewer.love/episode83

Let's talk about the importance of feeling emotional pain and "negative" emotion in both our lives and in the work of justice. In this episode, you'll learn ways to feel sh*tty -- better.    Access the show notes page here: www.laurabrewer.love/episode82   Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️ https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove   If you'd like to work with laura 1:1 to build a radical practice of feeling all your feelings and rehumanizing the world around you, you can do that here.

Join host laura as we dig into the whats, whys, and hows of aliveness. What prevents us from being and feeling alive? What helps us be and feel alive?    Access the show notes page here: www.laurabrewer.love/episode81   Questions from the episode for reflection: What does aliveness mean to you? What do you need to be more alive in and for your own life? What would you like the point of your life to be -- today? Where are you distracted from being alive right now? What about life are you missing out on because you believe you should be happy? Name three times you felt alive. How did you know you were alive in those moments? What do those moments teach you about your own experience of aliveness?   Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️ https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove   If you'd like to work with laura 1:1 to build a radical practice of aliveness, you can do that here.

Access the show notes page here: www.laurabrewer.love/episode80   Love How To Make Love? Return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️ https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove   If you'd like to work with Laura 1:1 to build a radical practice of gentleness, you can do that here.

Thank you times a million. I'll see you for episode 80 in the new year.  love. laura

Do you have your own back? Would you like to?    If you'd like to explore working with laura to build a radical practice of self compassion, you can do that here.   You can find the show notes page: www.laurabrewer.love/episode79   Love How To Make Love? You can return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️   https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove

We've all heard of 'intent vs. impact' -- but how are 'intensity' and 'impact' related? And does our intensity produce the impact we mean to have?   If you'd like to explore working with laura to change your life's impact or your life's intensity, you can do that here.   You can find the show notes page: www.laurabrewer.love/episode78   Love How To Make Love? You can return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️   https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove

It's another listener love pick!--a listener-selected replay episode while we take a short October hiatus.    Join guest adrienne maree brown for a conversation about learning to make pleasure, science fiction, and freedom. And how they're all tied together. adrienne is a writer, social justice facilitator, pleasure activist, healer and doula living in North Carolina. She is also the cohost of the How to Survive the End of the World podcast. Find links to all of the resources from today's conversation at: https://laurabrewer.love/episode35 Love How To Make Love? You can give a little love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️ https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove

It's the first ever listening love pick!--a listener selected replay episode while we take a short October hiatus.  Join former guest Yolonda Coles Jones and her partner Will Jones for a frank discussion about making partnership, freedom, intimacy, conscious parenting, and raising free children. Will and Yolonda are both entrepreneurs, home-based educators, and the curators of The Real Life Joneses. Welcome to a conversation about making love and justice through practicing intimacy and freedom.   Find links to all of the resources from today's conversation at: https://www.laurabrewer.love/episode47 Love How To Make Love? You can give a little love back by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️   https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove

In today's episode, we will: Look at the inherent challenges and limitations with focusing on being not depleted; Understand why a focus on being well-resourced is more liberatory; Hear some real-talk: you are the only real resource you ever truly have.  Learn juicier, more empowered, more creative questions to ask yourself to create well-being.   If you'd like to explore working with laura to create a deep, permanent sense of being well-resourced, you can do that here.   You can find the show notes page: www.laurabrewer.love/episode75   Love How To Make Love? You can return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️   https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove

In today's episode, we will: Define courage -- unconventionally. And as a verb. Identify opportunities and obstacles to practicing courage. Hear a vulnerable example of struggling to courage and then enacting courage in the midst of fear. Be invited to a practice-challenge: 100 days of courage. If you'd like to learn more about laura's 100 days of courage program, you can do that here.   You can find more info on the show notes page: www.laurabrewer.love/episode74   Love How To Make Love? You can return the love by writing a review on iTunes or joining our incredible inside supporters on Patreon. ❤️   https://www.patreon.com/howtomakelove