Living The Third Way

Something one participant said near the end of their first group cohort stopped Shae and Adrian in their tracks: tending to the self doesn't just feel selfish — it feels sinful. In this episode, they unpack why that belief is so common, where it comes from, and why they believe the opposite is true: that interior attentiveness is not a detour from holiness but the very ground it grows from.In this episode:Why the fear that self-focus is sinful is so deeply formed — and why it masquerades as virtueWhat self-abandonment actually looks like in everyday life: people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, resentment, numbness, and the "dam breaking"The difference between emotional neglect that's dramatic and the kind that quietly stacks up over time in otherwise loving familiesWhy that internal voice that says "they did their best" or "other people have it worse" isn't always the voice of maturityWhat true emotional maturity actually holds: that someone tried their best and fell short, and that both things are realThe Lenten/Easter framework: why we aren't meant to skip over the suffering to get to the resurrectionLuigi Giussani's concept of "the I" and why losing touch with your interior life means losing touch with where God actually meets youThe difference between processing and weaponizing — and why it matters for healingWhat it looks like to begin tending to yourself in practical, ordinary termsHow self-love, rightly ordered, is what makes the free gift of self actually possibleReflection prompt from this episode: This week, notice one moment when you're talking yourself out of the way you actually feel. Don't shame yourself for it. Just notice. That's where this practice begins.Connect with Shae and Adrian: Website: adrianandshae.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @adrianandshae

Discover how fighting can be a gateway to deeper intimacy and growth in marriage. Shae and Adrian share raw stories, frameworks, and spiritual insights on how conflict, when approached with tenderness and self-awareness, transforms into a gift that reveals the true depth of love.In this episode:Why conflict is a normal and essential part of marriage, not the enemyHow childhood wounds and past experiences shape our reactions in disagreementsThe importance of vulnerability and raw honesty in building trustThe role of nervous system patterns and self-protection in argumentsPractical steps for fighting to understand, not to defendThe symbolism of cruciformity: marriage as a path of surrender and resurrectionEncouragement to give up the illusion of perfect understanding or controlHow to practice tenderness and curiosity during conflictPersonal stories revealing the messiness and beauty of real relationshipResources for ongoing growth and connectionResources & Links:adrianandshae.comRemember: Marriage is a journey of cruciform love — embracing vulnerability, suffering, and resurrection. Fight with purpose. Keep fighting to understand and be understood, because you are worth it.Connect with Shae and Adrian: Website: adrianandshae.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @adrianandshae

Self-reliance often begins as survival and slowly becomes a prison.In this episode of Living the Third Way, Shae and Adrian explore how self-reliance forms in families where it wasn’t safe to struggle, need help, or fail. What begins as a protective adaptation can quietly turn into a belief that you must carry life alone and that suffering means you’re doing something wrong.They examine how modern manifestation culture and New Thought spirituality reinforce this pattern by promising control over reality, while subtly placing the full weight of healing, happiness, and meaning back onto the individual. When pain can’t be “thought away,” it easily becomes personal failure.Through the lens of Catholic anthropology and personalism, Shae and Adrian offer a different path: healing that happens in relationship, identity that is received rather than constructed, and a vision of the human person as a mind–body–soul unity. This episode invites listeners to lay down the exhausting work of doing life alone and to discover why dependence, rightly understood, is not weakness, but mercy.Interested in deeper support?We offer daily mentorship for individuals navigating family wounds, emotional overwhelm, and the slow work of healing in relationship. You can find out more at our website: https://adrianandshae.com We’re also currently building a waitlist for the next cohort of our group program, Unmeshed, which guides participants through disentangling from family enmeshment and reclaiming their God-given identity through psychological and spiritual integration. Email us to express interest or be notified about the next cohort: [email protected] in this episodeThe Mindful Catholic by Dr. Greg BottaroConnect with Shae and Adrian: Website: adrianandshae.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @adrianandshae

The start of a new year often brings resolutions, pressure, and quiet disappointment when we don’t live up to our plans. But what if there’s a different way to begin?In this episode, we propose an alternative to self-improvement: self-stewardship. Rather than fixing or optimizing yourself, what if this year became an experiment — a chance to see whether caring for the self you’ve been given actually leads to more freedom, presence, and life?We explore what it looks like to tend to your interior life with curiosity instead of pressure. We reflect on how small shifts in attention, care, and responsibility can quietly reshape not only your own experience, but also the way you show up in relationships — including family life.This conversation is an invitation to begin the year without urgency, guilt, or grand promises — and instead, to stay long enough with yourself to discover what’s truly life-giving.____________If this conversation resonates, we invite you to continue the exploration with us. Our upcoming free webinar offers space to look more closely at how self-stewardship and relational healing intersect, especially within family dynamics.You can find out more here: https://unmeshed.onlineAnd for those longing for deeper, ongoing accompaniment, our daily mentorship is a place to heal and practice this way of relating to yourself and others with support, clarity, and presence.You can find out more here: https://adrianandshae.comConnect with Shae and Adrian: Website: adrianandshae.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @adrianandshae

At Christmas, we celebrate a God who does not heal from a distance, but enters fully into our humanity. In this episode, we explore what the Incarnation reveals about the way real healing unfolds — not through bypassing emotion, body, or relationship, but through inhabiting them with truth and love.Drawing from Catholic anthropology and the Third Way framework, we reflect on why God chose flesh and blood, what that means for our nervous systems, our family relationships, and our longing for peace, and how healing happens slowly, relationally, and from the inside out. We explore how integration, rather than control or avoidance, is at the heart of both the spiritual life and relational restoration.If you find yourself caught between staying connected and staying whole, this conversation offers a hopeful path forward.--------------------As mentioned, we invite you to join us for our upcoming webinar, where we’ll explore how to disentangle from family patterns without cutting people off or losing yourself. You can register here: https://unmeshed.onlineAnd for those longing for deeper, ongoing accompaniment, our daily mentorship offers a space to walk this path with support, clarity, and presence — the kind of healing the Incarnation itself points us toward. You can find out more here: https://adrianandshae.comConnect with Shae and Adrian: Website: adrianandshae.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @adrianandshae

Advent draws us into a kind of waiting that’s active, hopeful, and deeply human. In this episode, we explore how holy waiting mirrors the slow, interior work of healing — in ourselves, in our relationships, and within our families.We share how waiting became a core part of our own story: navigating old patterns, living in the tension of the “not yet,” and learning to trust that God works in hidden places long before change becomes visible.In this episode, we discuss:What Advent teaches us about waiting with expectationThe difference between holy waiting and passive enduranceWhy healing unfolds slowly and why that’s aligned with Catholic anthropologyWhat is and isn’t worth waiting for in your own healingHow to stay grounded when transformation feels delayedReferenced:Shadow & Light Advent Reflection: https://www.tshoxenreider.com/adventAdvent Calendar: https://shopstoryofthislife.com/If the waiting in your own life has been stirring things up… We’d love to walk with you. Join us for our upcoming webinar where we’ll explore how to disentangle from family-of-origin patterns without cutting people off or losing yourself. Save your free seat at the link below:https://unmeshed.online/webinar-registration-pageConnect with Shae and Adrian: Website: adrianandshae.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @adrianandshae

In this episode, we pull back the curtain on the real beginning of Third Way Mentorship — long before we ever had a name for it.We start with a simple question we get all the time: What is mentorship, and how did we end up doing this work?We share how daily accompaniment became not just a professional calling, but the very thing that transformed our lives, our marriage, and the way we relate to the people we love most.Inside this episode, we explore:• What mentorship actually is• How our own mentorship journeys changed our marriage• How moving into my parents guesthouse forced us to face wounds we had avoided• How that season became the kickstarter for Third Way Mentorship• And lastly, what to do when the holidays feel heavy or complicatedYou’ll leave this episode with a deeper understanding of where our work comes from — not an abstract theory, but real relationship, real wounds, and real healing that unfolded in the pressure cooker of family life.If you’ve ever wondered whether change inside your family is possible…If you’re longing for a more connected, grounded holiday season…Or if you simply want to understand the heart behind Third Way Mentorship…This episode is for you.__________As mentioned in the episode — join us on November 23rd for our webinar!We’re hosting a free live webinar where we’ll teach you how to navigate family dynamics without losing yourself, shutting down, or blowing up.The Way of Unmeshment: How to Find Peace With Your Family Without Cutting Them Off🗓 Sunday, November 23 ⏰ 7pm CST / 8pm ET 🎟 Save your seat → [Register Here]____________If this episode resonates with you and you want support as you navigate your own family dynamics — especially heading into the holidays — you can learn more or book a free call with us at adrianandshae.com.Connect with Shae and Adrian: Website: adrianandshae.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @adrianandshae

We launched on All Saints Day because we want the saints’ intercession over this work—and because their lives show us what integrated, grace-filled healing looks like. In this first conversation, we unpack the Communion of Saints, what healthy community is meant to give us (love, belonging, formation), and why so many of us feel isolated in a culture of dis-integration—often beginning in the family, the “cell of society.” We name the pain without getting stuck in blame. Adrian shares a personal story, and together we explore how owning our woundedness—rather than fixing, minimizing, or avoiding it—opens real relationship with one another and with those who’ve gone before us.What we coverWhy All Saints Day matters for this podcast and our missionA simple, lived explanation of the Communion of SaintsCommunity as a human necessity (beyond basic needs: love & belonging)How cultural disintegration shows up first in families—and what that meansMoving from victimhood to responsibility without self-shameAdrian’s personal example of taking ownership and choosing repairHow acknowledging wounds becomes the doorway to deep communionClosing intercessory prayer asking a few saints who’ve shaped our story to pray with usThree takeawaysYou’re made for communion. Isolation isn’t just uncomfortable—it’s contrary to who you are.Naming the wound is not failure. It’s the start of healing and real connection.Responsibility is freedom. Refusing blame narratives gives you the power to love with integrity.Try this this weekName one pattern in your family story without judgment.Ask a favorite saint to intercede for you specifically in that place.Take one small step of responsibility (a boundary, an apology, a request for help).Resources & linksOur website: adrianandshae.comSay hello or send questions/feedback: [email protected] the showIf this episode served you, please rate, review, and share the podcast with a friend who needs hope before the holidays. Your support helps others find this work.Connect with Shae and Adrian: Website: adrianandshae.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @adrianandshae

Torn between protecting your heart and staying close to the people you love? There’s another way — and it starts here.Join us to start healing family dysfunction by restoring order, finding freedom, and living in joy. This trailer introduces the Third Way — a path to wholeness right in the middle of the messy, beautiful work of family life.Connect with Shae and Adrian: Website: adrianandshae.com Email: [email protected] Instagram: @adrianandshae