PODCAST · tv
Mandy Sucks Minute
by lemming drops studio
A Podcast Fueled By Hate
Episodes
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and so does this commentary track
bonus episode: to be played alongside the film because you weirdos might actually watch #mandy. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does this post-credits waste of time
just as the final shot after the credits adds absolutely nothing to this movie, this episode will add absolutely nothing to this show. you have been warned. #mandy minute 121 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does red miller's lack of an inner life
picture, if you will, a podcaster who sees a light at the end of the (presumably red and very long) tunnel, but needs one last rant that includes a critique of screenwriting characters, of revenge plots, of our urges to fantasize about violence, and a review (sort of) of Rambo Last Blood. This is...
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and so does this plot
so let us look at some mistranslations of the plot description found online as the credits roll in #mandy minute 119. (the untranslated words seem to be welsh, by the way) ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so do these two moons and this cast list
but first, a recap of the film so far. then the uselessness of there being two moons in the sky. then the alleged characters names. roll credits on #mandy minute 118 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does andy driving away
people call this movie original. call this final bit with the hero driving off on his own, all... well most of the bad guys dead behind him, one more original moment. #mandy minute 117 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does this flashback meet... cute?
did they fall madly in perfect romantic love (as evidenced by absolutely no part of the first act of this film) because they both had the same stupid shirt? and they both smoked? and they both went to the same bar with panos cosmatos lighting? i guess relationships have been founded on less.…
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and so does this minute being kinda okay
i mean, nothing happens, but that's because there's nothing left to happen. let's roll credits... #mandy minute 115 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does this crossfade of multiple shots
to be fair, maybe one of the three shots seems to be in focus, so i guess it's a simple enough cheat to pretend like you're doing something interesting. or you just really like fire. and silhouettes. #mandy minute 114 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so do these easy-start burning heads
it's like this movie can't make up its mind (even this close to the end) to have things happen quickly or slowly. headcrush? at least a whole boring minute where we can't tell what's happening. lighter drops on floor where there's a head, a body, and a (presumably) concrete floor? that shit has…
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and so do my fucking references
but when the movie's got a minute of andy maybe possibly crushing fishmouth's head (nevermind the lack of effort involved), and one more burst of stupid dialogue, your mind's gotta go someplace else. #mandy minute 112 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does fishmouth's too-late attempt at an oscar
linus roache is acting the crap out of this scene. too bad the lighting makes it so hard to see what he's doing. #mandy minute 111 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does this dialogue and the voice modulation
really, this whole scene is just bad. why are they in a missile silo? if it's 1983, why is the silo empty? why is its blinking red light still powered if it's not in use? why is fishmouth in there? why is he wearing a diaper? why does andy talk like he's possessed? if he's possessed, why weren't...
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and so does this slow blinking red light
it's the worst of everything. red light? check. darkness? check. blurriness? check. andy makes a stupid face? check. fishmouth acts bizarre? check. where the fuck are we? check. what just happened in between scenes that we really should have seen? check. #mandy minute 109? check. ★ Support this...
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and so does susan dying between scenes like an afterthought
this minute is just a bunch of buildup to nothing... that could be an alternate title for the film: A Bunch of Buildup to Nothing: The Andy and Airquotes Story. #mandy minute 108 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does susan's fight or flight response
if she had just stayed on the floor by the chair, i don't think andy would have even seen her in this lighting. i didn't. #mandy minute 107 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does this lumbering lumberjack
seriously, he climbs down a ladder, he walks away from us, he walks toward us, he walks, he walks some more, and it's all red because reasons. shoulda made it all blue light to keep the audience awake. #mandy minute 106 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does andy's mistreatment of the bible
i mean, i'm not religious, but this feels out of place here. andy's just being a dick, now, rather than just a murderer. and, that's just too much. #mandy minute 105 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so do the safety inspectors at termite chainsaw
at least in 1983. if the company is even a real brand. guy falls onto something (a chainsaw, presumably) we can't see, blood spurts, and all i'm wondering is, shouldn't there be safety features that prevent just this kind of thing from happening? #mandy minute 104 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so do i for not having something else to talk about
this chainsaw fight ain't worth talking about. #mandy minute 103 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so do the people who left their chainsaws just laying around in this rock quarry
if not for those idiots, this scene wouldn't exist. I blame them. #mandy minute 102 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does my spanish
but i try, when the movie randomly puts on a mariachi song and i don't really want to get to the axe throwing stupidity, and really don't want to get into the chainsaw fight... #mandy minute 101 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does andy's hatred of trees
seriously, we finally get around to minute 100 and he's shoving his stupid "axe" through swiney todd into a tree. what did that tree ever do to andy? nothing. but, lumberjack sees a tree and he just can't help it. they've all gotta go. gotta serve galactus as best he can. down with old bald men,...
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and so does this THiNC piece for trying way too hard
I get it. You read Jung into shit. You've been to college, you think you know something. You know, same. But, two hours to figure out what Abraxas is? Was an hour and 50 minutes of that you trying to find a strong wi-fi signal, or are you just an idiot when it comes to online research? Whatever....
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and so does this youtube review (and me for picking on it)
but, awful's gotta awful. #mandy, almost talking about minute 100 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so do airquotes' origins
another childhood "story" from panos, and i'm not quite buying it. #mandy, not minute 100 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so do andy's origins
but this childhood story from panos is interesting, at least. #mandy minute 100 (not really) ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does the death of johann johannsson
still, this score was one of his last, and panos did not make the best of it. nor did panos make the best of his own grief over the loss of his parents. nor do i, maybe, make the best of this film's faults. but sometimes you have to be awful. #mandy minute 100 (not so much) ★ Support this podcast...
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and so does this one sentence about mandy
still the vulture piece, but i get stuck on one sentence for a while, and reimagine the film as something more nuanced. #mandy minute 100 (sort of) ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does this vulture piece about the film
it ain't just me picking apart some article about the film, it's also an exploration of toxic masculinity and the justification of violence, and if you don't like it you can go to hell! #mandy minute 100 (sort of) ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does this waste of caltrops
i might offer a cleverness point for andy stopping the van like this after getting the atv stuck in the mud, except 1) there was no reason for there to be mud, 2) it came out of nowhere and was stupid, 3) where did andy get these caltrops? did he go smith them really quick because he's obviously...
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and so does nap time and plot convenience
you know what your hero needs right in the middle of the climax of the movie? a quick nap, even though we never even saw him stop walking. and, a conversation with an NPC that has nothing to do with the plot but just happens to know where the enemy can be found because... drugs let you know…
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and so does yet another animated sequence
but, you gotta have your lulls, right? the revenge plot, once it kicks in, can't just happen with nonstop energy; that would kill us all. so, you include the boring, the useless, the random tiger, the random cartoon, the random nic cage, and pretend it all flows wonderfully. it doesn't. #mandy...
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and so does andy playing grown up on his stolen atv
and panos et al for filming it. it's amateur hour at the atv stunt show so let's get some slow mo! #mandy minute 96 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does taking the time to see this guy's hallucinations when there's a tiger on the loose now
but hey, bugs of some sort, and this scene is obviously vital to the plot. it's good to pause from time to time and forego any momentum. #mandy minute 95 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does this waste of a tiger
it's like that bear in midsommar. it's there and i want it to matter, i want it to do something, i want the plot to go someplace, for any of anything to make any damn sense and for characters to have depth (well, the characters in midsommar did okay on that one), and for filmmakers not to promise...
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and so does andy's psychic vision of this radio tower
a quick bonus because we mustn't neglect any of this film's stupid. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so do the 'reaction shots' from andy
i've seen more expression in your classic cut-to-the-dog moments in so many movies. nic cage CAN act, he just mostly isn't bothering here, and it's a problem. he's probably just trying to compensate for the overacting in the bathroom earlier. #mandy minute 93 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so does this new guy and his golden gun and his tiger
this scene is just another waste of time in a film full of wastes of time. the chemist serves no plot purpose, andy doesn't kill him, the stupid tiger as metaphor for andy's rage is mistimed because he has already killed four people so it's a little late to let the tiger out, and it's a waste of…
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and so does the queen of dumb (aka this cigarette lighting scene)
but when every choice you make in production is the wrong one, inevitably, you will find a perfectly horrible thing to put on screen, and people in the audience will think it's awesome. well, some of the people in the audience. the awful people in the audience. i am not nice to those people in…
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and so do the latter hellraiser movies, and this movie every time it apes them
we're not quite to what is probably the stupidest thing in this movie--and given the amount of stupid in this movie, that's saying something--so let us relish this poorly lit buildup in which physics is thrown out the window, andy has forgotten how an axe works, and i'd rather talk about…
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and so does this badly lit minute of fighting in which we can't tell what's happening and it goes on forever
it's interesting to edit these episodes a good while after recording them. in this one, it's like i'm ready to give up, never speak of this movie again because it just frustrates me to no end. but, i know now that i make it to the end, to minute 121 (and record more episodes than there are...
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and so does everything in this script, really
and in the world, sometimes. imagine this: this movie i don't even like gets me ranting about movies to the point of anger, sadness, palpable emotion because i take it personally, i guess, when a movie is not what it should/could be. or maybe i'm just an outrageous asshole. #mandy minute 88 ★...
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and so does this seizure-inducing stupidity
for the record, i've never tried LSD. but i imagine that trying it would not be this fucking stupid. and welcome to the episode where i assume panos cosmatos is a dick and i declare myself one, too. it's fucking #mandy minute 87, and it sucks. ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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and so do andy's stupid fucking choices
and so do panos' and... whatever the fuck the other writer is called--their choices in writing this, directing this. and my choices in talking about it. and yours for listening. what is wrong with you? is the world not fucked up enough that you have to listen to me complain about this pathetic...
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and so does this casual drug use
i don't need to complain about how vegas can break a man's neck like an 80s action hero. later he's gonna crush a guy's head with his bare hands so he's obviously superstrong--just one of many secrets he keeps, like his smithing cave, his mysterious black friend who stores his crossbow for him…
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and so does bringing the presumed dead up from the random pit just to hear andy say something stupid
nevermind the poorly shot fight on the floor and on the pieces of the broken coffee table, let's throw the character we just saw die--right? i mean, who can tell these cenobikes apart anyway, when they wear black clothing and apparently don't like lights or daytime? let's throw that presumed dead...
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and so do disappearing penisblades
not your normal, everyday problem, to be sure. but consider it like this: villain in S&M getup has a knife. how do we know this? we see it in his hand, we see him brandishing it as he approaches our stupid-shirted hero... except, that isn't what happens here. instead, there's a knife...…
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and so does not knowing where we are or what's going on
we need context. you can't just have andy casually find two dead bodies, when there are no other characters in the film at all. maybe if you had introduced us to the nice old couple that lived down the way in an earlier scene--say, they were in line in front of susan at the convenience store…
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and so does effortless escape
blurry shots and otherface walking back and forth--yeah, take your time with that. but, andy getting his hand un-nailed from the floor--you gotta rush the crap out of important stuff like that. and make sure he says something stupid, too. #mandy minute 81 ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
A Podcast Fueled By Hate
HOSTED BY
lemming drops studio
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How many episodes does Mandy Sucks Minute have?
Mandy Sucks Minute currently has 134 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
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A Podcast Fueled By Hate
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Mandy Sucks Minute publishes regularly with 134 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
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Who hosts Mandy Sucks Minute?
Mandy Sucks Minute is created and hosted by lemming drops studio.
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