My dog will eat my face

I lament the loss of independent living that seems to plague today's youth. When I was a child, there were "helicopter parents" here and there, but childhood was largely left for us kids to enjoy or endure, depending on the circumstance. My friends' and extended family kids nowadays seem to have parents integrated into every facet of their lives. I honestly find it repugnant and removes the chance to experience that produces trials and tribulations, but also wisdom and experience from kids. I've been told it's a matter of safety in many cases, and I share two events in my childhood that would be in any parents' nightmare.

Much like my last episode, I took a nasty dive to the floor while I was still recovering from the first fall just 2 weeks prior. My gimped hand reverted back to day one, all progress in healing was reversed, and I have a new dose of disabling pain.This dying process is very obnoxious.

An art group is using me and some others in an exhibit on inpermenence of life. So, went through a very old school photo shoot. More to come on that later.Then, I slipped in my shower. It was violent and very loud. I broke multiple bones, am bruised in various odd places, and sprained my ankle. My heart also did not like that. I swelled up, and heart rate would hover around 145 and 70 o2 at rest and on oxygen. Had to double it just to chill my heart out.My life is weird.

I recently encountered some troubling behavior wherein ignorance and frankly, stupidity, is celebrated far above any virtue of knowledge, talent, or ability. I retell what happened most recently here, and can only settle on one unfortunate conclusion.

As of late, I've experienced a wide range of worsening symptoms indicating worsening heart strength. Some of these are symptoms I would never have guessed tie to a weak heart until I learned what they meant. What fun!

Recently I've delt with some rather toxic relationships that have gone to the wayside. It pained me to see them go. But as I revisit some of ancient people and people hundreds of years ago said (such as Schopenhauer), I come to a better understanding of why what happened, happened. Through this, I feel closure and peace.

Here I discuss the pragmatic things I had to learn at the end of life, the paperwork, and details that need to be done now so that your survivors don't go to hell before you do. Also, I underscore an action that I take every day - sometimes several times a day - to keep my feet on the ground and focus on the goal.Also, there were some changes with my podcast editing application, so if any weird sounds or noises are made, please let me know and when,

Let's discuss Box Universe theory! Then explore the terrifying implications if it was how the universe works. While for some, it may also provide comfort.At the very least, you can mention it at cocktail parties to impress your new acquaintances.

Where have I been? Living the dream! (Corrected version. My technician should have caught this and will be sacked expeditiously!)

I had an unusual experience recently - planning my own funeral. That experience was not what anyone expected, and led me to further self actualize! Funny what picking songs does to the psyche...

Two part podcast. I come to an interesting epiphany in the middle of that, which further reinforces another razor I have explained in other podcasts!

Sadly, this juxtaposition was bound to happen sooner or later when one deals with morality and death. Religion has claimed that realm as an unyielding sovereign for millennia - until philosophy and history wrestled it away from religion's sole territory. My nurse tried to take it back to those days, when religion reigned over the quivering, foolish masses. Unfortunately, for her, I'm not one of them.

A recent discussion with my counselor reminded me of a few axioms I use to prevail, or endure, a difficult situation. I realize those axioms apply here, but how does one endure an arduous condition when the only cessation of that condition is your own death?

In this podcast I share some of the intricacies of hospice care, and how, despite being given grim outcomes, that I don't consider myself a victim and still find joy on a daily basis.

In this episode, I explore how living one's life is not too different from a simple golf game. With that said, I've been terrible at my short game, much like real world golf, and have been adjusting how I manage my life even with my decline and illness.

In this "special" podcast I discuss a new and worsening series of physical issues, that are truly alarming and absolute "firsts" in my life's history. I fear my Protein C deficiency is causing these issues, but right now, there is no way to be sure.

Don't worry, I'm still dying, but wanted to get some thoughts that have been in my head for a while off my chest. In this episode I discuss the war in Ukraine - and my personal connection to it. My perspective is likely controversial, however. So please listen kindly and gently.

In this podcast I summarize a recent and troubling Care Call between hospice and family. I also give in to the idea of cremation, and select a profound resting place, wherein my knowledge of Roman history beautifully meshes with ancient and modern sentiments, Kinda spooky, really,..

In this episode, I completely go off topic and rant about a pet peeve I have with how the American government is described. It's certainly proper considering the upcoming election, and maybe some listeners will find themselves doing the same error that makes my skin curl.

Lately I have noticed further isolation, and me subconsciously withdrawing myself more and more from the world. This is a common part of the dying process, I'm told. And I don't like the consequences of such withdrawals... They put my mental peace and clarity in jeopardy. In this podcast, I struggle to find the answer to handling this unwelcome change.

It's been a rough few weeks for me, with physical issues, and also keeping the best possible hospice service for myself.As I look at a common behavior I do to ensure I get better service, I began to wonder if it was manipulation. And, if it is, is it really so bad as society makes it? Or is a little manipulation good for all of us?

What happens when you review the Stoic, Swahili, and modern "box universe" theory for consistency? Sounds like a joke... but no. You find one similar belief with respect to the past. The same belief that has given me peace with my mortality.But if you do have any good "a Stoic, Swahili, and theoretical physicist walk into a bar" jokes, I'm all ears!

I once said that loss itself is a human illusion. But this perspective is one that I have struggled with the most since my self reflection permeated such a notion. Thus, I revisit this topic again and try to square it with my feelings of loss.

I admit freely I am a vain person. I always have been this way, but found positive outlets to mitigate negative feelings. But my current battle has me struggling intensely with what is merely a consequence of my disease and it's completely out of my control. Here I discuss the negative consequences and my drive to mitigate vain emotions with respect to my terminal diseases. It won't be easy...

In this podcast, I discuss the unique issue of suffering a terminal illness while still managing adult responsibilities and the visitation of maligned intentions from others. While this dispiriting triad is vexing at first, I find that response useless, and completely counterproductive. There is a better way to handle so much out of my control.

I face difficult decisions and, more importantly, actions, that need to be made by me, friends and family, based on the latest discussions I have had with my hospice team. And more importantly, I don't want to be and die as a blueberry!

My struggle with my various terminal illnesses has been rather laborious and exhausting lately - removing most of the day through just pure exhaustion. All of these symptoms have worsened as of late, and strange events have seemingly interjected clear warnings of what's to come. However, as I explore these changes and events, I surprisingly find myself in a quite different outcome than what I expected...

I came to a horrific realization lately. I'm dealing with depression (can't imagine why). But what is depression exactly? Is it a hopeless, relentless abyss? Is it a means to improve oneself? Is it useful in any way whatsoever? And most of all, how can it be overcome? I look at all of these questions, among others, in this podcast, and strangely find a source of joy embedded within depression itself, if its managed the appropriate way.

I had a recent discussion with my hospice social worker, wherein the discussion provided a catalyst to me framing my views on the banal of popular culture and general decline of cognition and language skills in society. These incredibly simple (tongue in cheek) topics are pieced together within this podcast, which, incidentally, seems to be the only thing I can do in response to this blight on society.

Don't we all love unsolicited advice? No?! Obviously, I jest. Of course we don't, especially when fighting for your life. In this relatively brief podcast I discuss my interaction with such unsolicited benevolence (as the giver surely must feel that's what it is). In short, Sweet Brown said it best: Ain't nobody got time for that!

This Roman proverb haunted me a but, since it felt like I was physically yielding as my body became more and more weakened by my disease. Does this then make me not brave, but a coward? I broached this subject with my social worker in hospice, and our discussion was surprising, and gave me a different perspective on this subject.

I recently asked myself a very discomforting question within my internal dialogue. But no matter how unpleasant it is, it must be answered - at some point. Here I try to identify the catalyst of when this decision must be made, yet sadly I have no clear concrete options or their associative outcomes. Harumph!

Ever ask yourself, why do we have to get old and die anyway? Why can't we just live forever? Some species on Earth do! So why not humans?Well, in this special armchair science episode, I explore exactly why we MUST get old and die. And the answer sure rubbed my individualistic idealism the wrong way!

I approached the topic of what it is like to be dying in the very first days of my podcast. Years have passed since then, thanks to my particular prognosis, age, and fitness, and now I want to revisit this very early topic again, since I have had much more silvering experience with this topic, sadly.

We always assume a great mind, intelligence or talent is something to celebrate. But, in my personal experience, and according to great minds of the past, isolation is guaranteed trip to isolation. But this, according to those same great minds of the past, is a gift and not a handicap. In this podcast I shall discuss this topic from my personal experience and perspective.

While today's podcast begins with a general health update, share my pity onto those who cannot learn from the wisdom from the past, as if they have had to learn to endure hardship for the first time ever. What a terrible form of self-sacrifice. While no two events can be exactly alike, it saddens me that soo many today take from such lessons so as to improve their own or another's lot.

While I have been away since my last podcast, it was not for anything pleasurable. Rather, it's been quite difficult. But alas, I'm still here, and in the course of this episode, I come to a clear epiphany that both explains my drive, and crystalizes a reason for me to hang on, if I can.

My Friday, the 10th, did not go as I expected. The sudden loss of a normal biological function has indicated severe worsening of my symptoms. The end may be neigh.

New indicia of my heart failing to provide appropriate psychological support. And I'm sorta ok with that.

An analysis of the Saturnalia and the subsequent Sol Invictus pagan holiday (the origin of Christmas), and its relation to my life and terminal, but still alive, status.

I'm facing duel existential threats right now. One physical in nature, the other in financial solvency. This has led me to significant vexation and worry. Yes, worry: one of the most silly emotions of the human spirit.

Health update. And a random rant regarding today's all-present spell casting in our societies!

Don't get me wrong: I love my counselor and plan to continue to see them. But in a recent discussion with my counselor, I realized there is a part of my world view that sets uneasy with me. I further don't see if there's anything I can do to get past un an unsettling fact.

Here I give a brief health update, no huge surprises. Then, I reflect on what I see as a growing problem in the United States. Many others have spoke of the polarization of this country being so severe, a second civil war may be oncoming. I add, though, what I think the cause is: the inability to see the world through the lenses of others.

This phrase of yesteryear is apparently truer than I could ever imagine. And, for someone with Congestive Heart Failure (CHF), the consequences can be rather unpleasant.

A great man once said, "Some people say that death is like saying 'the party is over.' But that's not quite right; the reality is much worse than that: The party is still going on, but YOU have to leave! It's difficult to deal with day-to-day problems while dealing with physical problems. But, you must do it. Not handling these annoying issues will be done so at your peril. Or your family's or loved one's peril. You'll have to do some "adulting. "Adulting is hard," but you have to do it.

In this podcast I explore my isolation, similar to what I have before. But, the isolation is made worse, more recently, due to several recent factors and epiphanies. I'm not sure if I have a solution, only time will tell...

Battling my impulsive, reptilian brain is a huge struggle. But if I don't at least mitigate it, I'll spend my last days angry. And who wants that?!

The Greek myth of Narcissus still remains a warning cry to the modern world, not in just how to not behave, but how to handle those around you who fail to adhere to its warning. How can an ancient story about a quite handsome youth who, when returning from a hunting trip, become so enamored with his own reflection in a lake, reach in to embrace and love himself to only drown, warn to us today? Let's find out how this condition harms not only the practitioner, but those around it.

Here I summarize the reason WHY I publish the podcast, and provide a rather succinct index of my health history. I know I've provided quite a lot before, but wanted to start on the content provider with a solid format that old listeners may learn something new (or better understand) and also provide a background to newbies. This is also a quick statement of how things are today, before I discuss some deeper philosophical ideas and quandaries that have vexed me. First step is to know the condition of reality now, before moving forward, I would think.