Not Allowed to Die

The inspiring Amanda Hill joins Mariska and me to discuss so many things, but what I most enjoyed picking her brain about is the challenge of creating a private practice and expanding it beyond a few clinicians. I learned a lot and I hope you will too.

What do you do if your partner has a crush on a fictional character and it is getting in the way of your relationship?

Canadian singer/songwriter Mandi Leigh joins Mariska and I and talks about how song writing and singing has helped her heal from suicide loss and other trauma, and she even sings a song for us! Check out her music and tour dates on her website: Mandi Leigh | Singer Songwriter

In this episode Mariska and I discuss cases of three of my clients who might need to push back to keep from being pushed around by bosses, creative partners, and relationship partners. How do we decide when and how to push back and when to say nothing.

Mariska and I were truly honored to have the incredible Dr. Julie Merriman, therapist, professor, author, and host of the podcasts Sexy after 50 and Compassion Fatigue Cure. You can find all of her work here: Julie Merriman, Ph.D., LPC-S | Nervous System Regulation ExpertOur conversation covered so many things and was a great learning experience for Mariska and me. Enjoy.

in this episode Mariska and I talk about ESAs and how to help people find a therapist and the tools I use when im trying to find someone to recommend.

In this episode Mariska and I beg for your suggestions about our new project, the ESA cast (which you should email to [email protected]) and we talk about what a therapist is thinking about when we talk about sex with our clients in therapy.

In this episode Mariska and I announce the launch of our new venture, the ESA cast AND we talk about whether or not you should just stop scheduling sessions with your therapist or actually have the "break up" conversation with them.

In this episode Mariska and I explore beating yourself up after mistakes and appropriate boundaries. My former student deals with the ethical challenges of taking one of her students in after he is removed from his family.

In this episode Mariska and I explore how people blame themselves for their mental anguish and build a world where the "deserve" their pain. There is A LOT of discussion of suicide in this episode so if that is not something healthy for you to listen to you may want to skip this one. Also in this episode Mariska is petty toward Tina and Cher, the family cats.

In this episode Mariska and I explore the seductive practice of refusing to face your reality and taking the Wiley Coyote strategy of running off the cliff and refusing to look down to avoid the fall. How do we help people in our lives who are doing that? Tune in to find out.

In this episode Mariska and I discuss some things to consider as clients talk about their medications and how a therapist can stay in their scope of practice while talking about meds.

In this episode Mariska and I explore the thorny dilemma of how you decide whether or not to disclose infidelity, or other behaviors you are not proud of, to your partner. Mariska wants everyone to know that the cats, Tina and Cher, have not been invited into the podcast studio and had no part in the making of this episode.

In this episode Mariska and I discuss the challenges of doing couples therapy with clients that you typically see as individuals. Also we reveal the names of the new cats that have moved into our house and how Mariska feels about their arrival.

In this episode Mariska and I talk about the impact you make when you share your story with your therapist and how that action can help so many people you will never know.

In this episode Mariska and I explore the risks of snooping on your partner's phone and what to be prepared for when you find something you don't like. We also talk about the incredible benefit of bringing a list of topics to talk about with your therapist.

In this episode Mariska and I talk about how a therapist handles it when they have physical symptoms that are keeping them from fully focusing during a session. We also talk about clients who may not want to get better and why. Finally we close with saying goodbye to 2025 and our positive hopes for 2026.

In this episode we explore how to give the right amount of F&*$s when little things go wrong in life. We discuss toxic positivity and what can go wrong if you do not acknowledge your feelings. Mariska and I also remind you that it doesn't need to be Giving Tuesday to support Paws for Patrick and any other charity of your choice.

In this episode Mariska and I talk about how to assess the risk when a client who has long term suicidal ideation is talking about acquiring a gun to potentially end their life. If discussions of suicide are triggering for you it would be best to skip this episode.

In this episode Mariska and I discuss the idea of staying in the moment, but should we do that if this is not a good moment for us?

In this episode Mariska and I explore my failure to effectively interrupt an ignorant view point that was expressed by one of my favorite people, and how you can do it better, by using the PALS strategy.

in this episode Mariska and I discuss conversion therapy and how therapists support clients who have internal conflict over queerness.

In this episode Mariska and I explore the dilemma of patience with the desire for intimacy with a partner that his healing. How long must you wait and how can you support the healing, especially when they are not open to therapy?

Mariska and I learn about religious trauma and how it is treated from Ann Russo. Really a fun conversation. Her website is: ⁠Home - Ann Russo⁠Her practice website for other clinicians: ⁠AMR Therapy

In this episode Mariska and I talk about grappling with the dilemma of different world views about when violence could be understood and supported and how those views can impact clients.

In this episode Mariska and I explore battling negative self-talk when people reject you after you share your struggles.

Mariska and I were delighted to welcome on our first guest in quite some time. Dr. Albert Bramante talks about how hypnotherapy works, explains Neuro Liguistic Programing (NLP), and how those concepts fit in with performance coaching.

When the dominos are falling in your brain and you are convinced everything good is going away, how do you slow down and realize this is just catastrophic thinking? Mariksa and I unpack that and how to start to believe in your value if you grew up with trauma in this episode.

In this episode Mariska and I talk about the challenge for therapists when clients talk around their issues and only bring up tough topics right when the session is about to end.

In this episode Mariska and I delve into several thorny ethical dilemmas I faced this week on a single case AND we talk about how I help my friends and family find therapists.

In this episode Mariska and I explore if it is ok for person to have a preference for a partner with a single certain trait, if that prevents them from dating someone who checks all the other boxes. We also explore ways of viewing self esteem more generally.

In this episode Mariska and I break down some client dreams and offer some out of the box methods of journaling for folks (like me) who struggle to journal conventionally.

In this episode Mariska and I explore a term that was new to me , High Functioning Depression, which I learned about on another podcast, A Slight Change of Plans: When Productivity Becomes Pathological | A Slight Change of PlansI observe how in my experience there is often a connection between this type of depression and substance abuse challenges.

In this episode Mariska and I talk about 3 simple (not easy) steps to become more successful in your own estimation. Which ultimately is the only view point that matters.

In this episode Mariska and I evaluate how well mental health challenges are portrayed in several films and tv shows. What did they get right, and wrong?

On this episode Mariska and I discuss how to help clients manage their grief about both the choices of terminating a pregnancy and giving a child up for adoption, as well as how a therapist may decide to disclose if they have been through one of these issues.

In this episode Dan reads two AI generated stories about therapy that he prompted. We also talk about how to use AI in a productive way to study for an exam.

In this brief episode Mariska and I share our thoughts on using AI to get life advice. More importantly we put out the call to ask listeners to write in to [email protected] to tell us what kinds of questions you ask AI and how you decide which AI to use.

In this episode Mariska and I talk about several clients who have struggles with finding joy on a day celebrating family and Mothers in particular.

In this episode Mariska and I unpack hard conversations of talking about death with small children and some victories both for former client and the incredible feeling for a therapist when a client breaks through shame and shares their trust.

In this episode Mariska and I talk about what to do when someone you care about has run off a cliff and refuses to look down because they don't want to face reality and drop. How to help them see reality and hopefully have a softer landing.

In this episode Mariska and I discuss helping clients determine if their avoidance of life and issues is a healthy pause or something that might be building negative inertia to becoming their healthiest self.

In this episode Mariska and I are guests on the Mind Matters podcast where hosts Ben and Kabeer ask us questions about managing mental health challenges as a teen, and give us a chance to talk about Paws for Patrick.

In this episode Mariska and I talk about the incredible book Perks of Being a Wallflower and why I'm taking my kids to a museum about lynching for spring break.

In this episode Mariska and I discuss how I decide which clients can do 30 min sessions and also the challenges of collaborating with other providers (eg. couples counselors and psychiatrists).

Once again Mariska published a podcast without listening to make sure it was correct. This is the real episode where Markisa and I vent our frustration about a conservative social worker mischaracterizing trans people as if they are delusional just for existing.

In this episode Mariska and I discuss when therapists need to call their clients out and share hard truths with them, even when we know the clients may not want to hear it.

Mariska and I were guests on the social work bubble podcast to talk about ESAs.

Mariska and I were overjoyed to have Team Maigler Hall of Famer DaMonique back on the show. She works for the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services in helping to connect children and families with resources. This was a really enlightening conversation about the help DCFS can provide as opposed to the negative cliches that people think of when they hear about Child Protective Services.

In this episode Mariska and I cover some of the ethical challenges a therapist faces when deciding whether or not to report a case to DCFS. I review a situation a young therapist I am supervising shared with me.