Paper Cuts
by Podmasters
Have you SEEN the state of the papers today? PAPER CUTS has. In our thrice weekly podcast, some of Britain’s sharpest commentators and funniest comedians come together to look at the madness, the strangeness, the obsessions, and – occasionally – the brilliance of our national press. Host Miranda Sawyer is joined by journalists and comedians like Jonn Elledge, Grainne Maguire, Jacob Jarvis, Ava Santina, Jacob Hawley, Marcus Brigstocke, Coco Khan and many more. Illustrations by Modern Toss: https://moderntoss.com
Episodes
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Bunker crossover! – Hot Take Time Machine – The month's weirdest columns with Miranda Sawyer and Jonn Elledge
Hello Paper Cuts people! If you miss our lovely show, don’t worry. We’re getting the band back together for a look at the opinion columns, monthly on The Bunker. Paper Cuts survivors Miranda Sawyer and Jonn Elledge join Andrew Harrison to choose the weirdest (and occasionally best) columns of the...
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Miranda Sawyer’s comeback news! – Talk ’90s to me – New podcast extravaganza!
We’ve got a big scoop for you today! Miranda Sawyer is back with a brand new podcast. Talk ’90s to me is out now and will be with you every Monday. The show dives deep into a wild decade of chaos, creativity and hedonism – from Oasis to ‘Friends’, from grunge to girl power, from Kate Moss to...
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A taster of CRIME SCENE, our new podcast – Episode 1: Guns of London
Hello Paper Cuts listener! We all miss the good old show. Our brand new podcast CRIME SCENE is very different… but we thought you might like a taster. Every week on CRIME SCENE, ex-Met Police Commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe and former Mirror editor Alison Phillips lift the lid on how criminal...
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Goodbye from Paper Cuts — Star brands Reeves “Lettuce 2.0” — Pegging goes mainstream
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: We say goodbye to Paper Cuts as the Daily Star crowns Rachel Reeves the next “lettuce.” Kate Lister adopts a new philosophy over at The i, so Miranda and Gráinne are ready to embrace the “let them” theory. Finally – at The Mail, an anonymous reader…
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Blue Peter’s most scandalous moments – Is your town posh enough for Gail’s? – The Mail says naughty kids are possessed
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Metro lists some of the most shocking moments from kids’ TV staple Blue Peter. Meanwhile, Gail’s Bakery is taking over the bougie high streets of the UK, does yours qualify? Plus, The Daily Mail explains why kids are so badly behaved and yes, it...
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“I’ve fallen for a wimp,” Liz Jones reveals– Are middle-aged men in crisis? – Fashionistas abandon ‘woke’
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Miranda is giddy to discover one final nutty column from Liz Jones in the Daily Mail. Meanwhile, Alex is concerned about the state of middle-aged men, as Stig Abell and Bryan Johnson recount their mid-life crises in The Times. Plus – Gráinne is...
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Musk steals credit for astronaut rescue – Do blondes really have more fun? – Woo-woo life lessons from Gwyneth Paltrow
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Musk hogs the glory as the stranded NASA astronauts finally return home but Jan notices that The Mail is only focused on one thing: their looks! Meanwhile, a journo at The Guardian is having an identity crisis over her ‘problematic’ blonde hair, and...
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Is Rod Stewart 'Brat'? – The truth about St. Patrick’s Day – Paris fashion week on a budget
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: We’ve got the Glasto lineup, and we are sick of the ‘next big thing’ and ready to embrace Rod Stewart. Meanwhile, The Times has a slightly patronising guide to St. Patrick’s Day, so Grainne Maguire has created her own Riverdance-inspired itinerary....
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Lettuce Liz’s steamy affair exposed! – The healing power of gossip – Chefs serve up revenge to critics
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Daily Mail has published a salacious account of an affair between Liz Truss and some Tory bloke. If you listen closely, you can hear the rage in Natasha’s voice. Meanwhile, The Guardian has gone White Lotus crazy and has published a wonderful...
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Can Trump bully Putin into peace? – Gen Z reinvent bunking off at work – Shocking style trend: fake nipples?
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Times has Trump’s threats to Putin front and centre as the President pushes hard in peace negotiations – and Stuart feels conflicted for hoping Trump's bully boy tactics work. Meanwhile, The Guardian exposes Gen Z’s sneaky new office trick:...
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Meet the hollywood "Donald Dashers" — Confessions of a Kids' footie ref
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Daily Mail is profiling the rich and famous Americans moving to the UK to escape Trump... but Jason and Jonn think the story may have some holes. Meanwhile, Coco, Miranda, and Jacob reminisce about happier times on the football field, as The i...
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Ranked: The biggest Covid eff ups – The Mail goes ‘Fat Jab’ crazy – Meet the women lusting over Bigfoot
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Mirror is the only front page to mark the five year anniversary of Covid. Jason can’t quite get their head around the government's baffling response to the pandemic. Meanwhile, Sarah Vine at The Daily Mail has gone ‘fat jab’ mad, so Jonn takes a...
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Trump cuts off Ukraine – Meghan’s Netflix show fallout – Meet the stage-door stalkers
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The i keeps us up to date with the latest from Trump Land, while Miranda questions whether Democrats wearing pink and holding up little signs is an effective protest. Meanwhile, The Telegraph is apoplectic over Meghan’s new Netflix show, but Coco...
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Daily Mail’s war on “woke” pancakes! – Our wildest tattoo regrets revealed – Meet the King’s handsome bodyguards
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Did you enjoy your pancakes yesterday? The Daily Mail didn’t because in 2025, pancakes have gone ‘woke’. Meanwhile, The Guardian reveals that elder millennials are getting their tattoos lasered off, so we compare our ink. And The Telegraph takes its...
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Trump vs. Zelenskyy gets even the Mail angry – Grumpy middle aged men are back – Bleat it! Could lambing change your life?
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Every single front page is singing Zelenskyy’s praises after his clash with Trump – but what does it really mean? Jonn breaks down the weekend that changed everything. Meanwhile, Miranda’s found a Telegraph column celebrating the return of…
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Bad Bromance! Did Starmer really charm Trump? – Katy Perry is going into space? – Spreadsheets: the formula for love
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Did Keir Starmer really play a blinder when visiting Goblin King Donald Trump at the White House? Katy Perry’s all-female space trip on Jeff Bezos’s Blue Origin rocket: one small step for womankind or a “look! squirrel!” after Bezos’s troubles with...
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Your ultimate guide to the red carpet – ‘The Way They Were’ podcast crossover!
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: We’re switching things up as Gráinne and Chantal take Miranda on a whirlwind tour of their favourite time of the year – awards season! Expect behind-the-scenes BAFTA gossip from Gráinne, Chantal’s ultimate dos and don’ts for the red carpet, and a…
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Are the Nazis back? – Blake vs. Baldoni! Inside the Hollywood scandal! – Secret diaries of a Tory enforcer
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Guardian is reeling from the results of the German election. Jonn walks us through the outcome and explains why the Nazis aren’t back—yet. We’ve brought in Gráinne to break down why the tabloids are obsessed with Blake Lively’s Hollywood legal...
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“King Trump” sparks UK press fury – ”Get out my pub!” 40 Years of Eastenders – The Mail’s Viagra betrayal
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: None of the papers are backing Trump’s Ukraine plan and Marina explains why Europe should be worried about the President’s arrangement with Putin. Meanwhile, The Telegraph is calling on Gen Z to rise up and save EastEnders, as Jemma unpacks how the...
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Family fortunes! Poshos fight over big house – How's your handshake? – The fascinating world of fish
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Telegraph is naturally obsessed with an aristocratic family feud over an £85m ancestral estate. The Times does an incredibly deep dive into the history of handshakes. Plus – There’s a story about fish in The Guardian so we’ve reeled in our...
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BAFTAs breakdown: The Pope vs. Wallace and Gromit – Inside the bank of mum and dad – Do we all want to be a ‘kept woman’?
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Pics from the BAFTAs are all over the front pages, but Miranda only has eyes for Wallace and Gromit’s red carpet debut. The Times wonders what will happen when Boomers pass down their wealth and Zing breaks down why Millennials and Gen Z shouldn’t…
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Did Trump betray Ukraine? – "Why I slept with my son-in-law!" – The Guardian’s Valentine’s Day disasters
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Telegraph praises Trump and Putin’s ‘productive’ phonecall. Jonn breaks down why this could be bad news for Ukraine. Meanwhile, Milo and Miranda are reeling over The Daily Mail’s jaw-dropping interview with a mum bragging about her affair with…
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Have centrist dads turned toxic? – “Oh no! Mum’s on shrooms” – How honest should your mates really be?
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Telegraph reckons that centrist dads might just be the root of all evil. We’re off on a weekend trip to a magic mushroom spa for yummy mummies in The Times. Plus – The i has another great column from Kate Lister, but we’re worried she’s using it...
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Minister sacked over WhatsApp chat — Play your cards right? Gen Z loves Tarot — Confessions of a toyboy
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: A second MP has apologised for being part of a dodgy WhatsApp group. Natasha walks us through the leaked messages that dominated the Sunday papers. The i has a feature on Tarot cards, and luckily, our first-time guest Marjolein just so happens to be...
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“Stagflation” nightmare for Reeves — Was Elvis an alien messiah? — Self care is killing our social lives
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Telegraph wants us to panic about the “stagflation” crisis, but Jonn says we should just embrace the economic vibes. The Times tells us that self-care takes over 162,000 minutes a year to maintain, and Jacob simply hasn’t got the headspace for…
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Has Kanye gone too far this time? – Adrian Chiles vs. zips – The Mail’s sex survey shocker
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: We look at the fallout from the Grammy Awards as Kanye West enrages the showbiz section of The Sun. Then, we check in with Britain's favourite columnist, as Adrian Chiles regales us with the tale of a broken zipper. Plus – We subject some of our...
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Starmer's European charm offensive– Bad Rep! Are men ruining the gym? – MAGA makeover! Get the Melania Trump look
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Times covers Starmer’s trip to the EU. But while the Labour leader tries to butter up Brussels, Coco fears he could end up eating some humble pie. Meanwhile, Jacob leaps to the defense of all men after the Daily Mail suggests they should be…
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Is Brexit back? – Unlawful discharge: the cyber fart legal drama – Confessions of a newly single mum
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Five years since Brexit, and we bought the Daily Express for the first time to get Jonn’s reaction to their balanced coverage. Over at the Daily Mail, Miranda and Jessica do a deep dive into the court case that has captured the imagination of our...
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Bridget Jones: Gen Z Icon? – What is the UK’s sexiest accent? – Liz Jones catches a love rat
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Gen Z has a new heroine in Bridget Jones, according to The i. But Ava’s not buying it. Over at The Daily Mail, Liz Jones’s love life gets another plot twist, and Gráinne and Miranda’s have their popcorn ready. Plus – The Guardian is on a mission to...
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What the Southport killings tell us about Britain – "Most divisive Oscars ever"? – Gwyneth Paltrow’s Valentine's gift guide
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The front pages pay tribute to the victims of the Southport attack. Ava explains how local journalism thrived while reporting on the case. Marcus takes a look at The Telegraph’s coverage of the Oscar nominations – could the healing power of Wicked...
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The secret history of the Village People —Telegraph toff vs. Kneecap — Inside Spotify’s awful billion streams club
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Daily Star has an incredibly detailed history of the Village People, and Jacob Hawley has never been happier. The Guardian takes a look at the shocking list of songs that have broken a billion streams on Spotify – Ava Santina isn’t impressed....
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Trump inauguration bonanza – Has America turned on Harry and Meghan? – Could a private detective save your love life?
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Telegraph previews Trump’s ‘star-studded’ inauguration, and Jacob is desperate to find anything to joke about. We check out the latest issue of Vanity Fair’s to read their Meghan and Harry hit piece. Plus – Jonn and Miranda dive into the Daily...
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Are the Obamas on the rocks? – Boo hoo! Ex-Tory MPs can't get a job – Meet the Hollywood orgasm coach
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Telegraph thinks that the Obamas might be heading for splitsville, leaving Grainne inconsolable. Ava discusses the plight of ex-Tory MPs who are struggling to find work after leaving Parliament, as reported by The Times. Plus – The Mail…
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Is there a Traitor in your office? – How to avoid A.I. slop – The Guardian: “Don't sleep with your partner”
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Times has a helpful guide to spotting a traitor in your office. Is your social media feed full of weird A.I. images? We found a guide in The Telegraph on how to stomp out A.I. slop. Plus – The Guardian says you should stop sleeping with your...
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Is Dominic Cummings really behind Musk’s war on Starmer? – Zuckerberg's very bad week – Sexy movies for women: they’re everywhere!
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Mail is giddy over a potential political union between Elon Musk and Dominic Cummings – luckily, Jonn is here to rain on their parade. Meta’s techno-specs get a test drive in The Times, but Natasha thinks a bad review could be the least of Mark...
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Is Labour having a Liz Truss moment? – Is The Traitors too middle-class? – How to ‘half-arse’ your way to success!
We read the papers so you don’t have to! Today, The Daily Mail warns of a return to 1970s economic chaos! Luckily, Coco is here to explain why the economy is mostly just vibes-based so we should all chill out. The Guardian can’t stop talking about The Traitors, and Jack explains why the middle...
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Et tu, Elon? Billionaire backstabs Farage – Fight Dryanuary, drink absinthe! – Are hairdos ruining YOUR love life?
We read the papers so you don’t have to! Today, Jason tries to wrap his head around the front page feud between Elon Musk and Nigel Farage. The Times says goodbye to ‘Dry January’ and hello to absinthe, but Miranda isn’t convinced. Plus – T2 has a fantastic column about hair, and Jonn reflects on...
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The Best of 2024
We read the papers, so you don’t have to! Today: We look back at the best stories from 2024, from Ket Mum to Pegging. Start your year off with some of the biggest laughs of 2024. The whole crew is here to celebrate the absurdity and joy of the fifth estate. Join Miranda Sawyer, Jonn Elledge,...
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Year in Review part 3: The return of Trump, the Wicked cast gets weird and BRAT
We review 2024 so you don’t have to! Today: Trump’s victory in the US presidential election shocked the world, but as the dust settled, it became clear what had gone wrong for Harris and the Democrats. Miranda tells us what is and isn’t BRAT as we hail the return of the cool girls. Jan holds…
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Year in Review part 2: The Genny Lecs, Euros reaction and Britain’s riot shame
We review 2024 so you don’t have to! Today: Britain went to the polls as Jonn reminisces on the summer of campaign cringe, shock losses and Starmer’s stonking majority. Jacob talks us through the Euros and tries to figure out how the public were so angry with England’s pretty decent tournament....
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Year in Review part 1: Where was Kate Middleton?, Baby Reindeer Mania and the hopeless Tories.
We review 2024 so you don’t have to! Today: Remember when everyone had a meltdown over Princess Kate? Jack reminisces about the whole saga that engulfed the nation. Then, Miranda tries to recall all the weird stunts the Tories pulled before the election. Plus – Here’s a reminder that Baby…
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Starmer vs Musk over $100m to Farage – Michael Gove in public snog horror – How to swerve family rows at Christmas
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Telegraph reports the latest on Elon Musk’s $100 million donation to the Reform Party. Ava explains how Starmer is trying to block it. Fleet Street battleaxe Sarah Vine insists she’s ‘totally cool’ with ex-husband Michael Gove’s public snog in…
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His Royal Spyness: Prince Andrew’s China syndrome – Is Strictly the last great TV moment? – Sex and raving with mum and dad? Eww!
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Prince Andrew is all over the front pages for his poor choice of friends. The Times dishes out a step-by-step guide to schmoozing with the disgraced royal. Meanwhile, Natasha and Miranda tackle the burning question: does TV have a future after the...
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Starmer and Badenoch's sandwich standoff – Inside the Buckingham Palace Crimbo punch up – Winging it! The weird world of fairy erotica
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Star can’t wrap its head around Badenoch’s anti-lunch rant, luckily Coco is here to explain the great sandwich debate. Jacob spills all the gossip from Buckingham Palace’s wild Christmas bash. Plus – The Times has a deep dive into the world of...
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Bonus episode: The ultimate Chrimbo sandwich showdown – Plus: What not to drink at your Xmas party
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: The Times rates all the chrimbo sarnies – so Jessica and Ava are hoovering up the lot. Gráinne and Alex pick the drinks guaranteed to keep you classy at the office xmas do – and what to avoid. Plus – Miranda rewinds the clock to rank the ultimate...
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Syria’s tyrant toppled at last – Why nobody’s snitching on the Hot Hitman – Dating apps are OVER! Pray for Liza Jones and Vanessa Feltz
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Jubilation as Syrian rebels topple the tyrant Assad. What do the papers think? The world’s obsession with the “Hot Hitman” who killed a US healthcare executive gets totally out of control. And how are Paper Cuts faves Liza Jones and Vanessa Feltz...
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The Mail loses it over Starmer’s relaunch – Hitman targets healthcare CEO – Have you been shamed by Spotify wrapped?
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Starmer is trying to get people excited with some new pledges, but he’s making people really angry instead – Ava talks through the milestones. And, there’s been a crazy hitman story in New York and Miranda has dug into the deets. Plus, Jessica talks...
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Why is The Guardian on strike? Plus – Trump’s Christmas tat and other interior design disasters
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Guardian staff walk out over the potential sale of The Observer – Miranda Sawyer explains the scandal from the picket line! Marcus Brigstocke and Coco Khan debate the most cringe-worthy interior design trends. Plus – Donald Trump’s holiday merch is...
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Biden pardons his son, Trump rages — The Paper Cuts Xmas party survival guide — “I gave up Hollywood to be a trad wife”
We read the papers so you don’t have to. Today: Joe Biden sparks outrage by pardoning his troubled son Hunter – Natasha explains why this has Trump so rattled. The Guardian reveals the shocking rise of booze-free Christmas parties, leaving Jacob fuming. And actress and Elon Musk’s ex Tallulah...
About this show
Have you SEEN the state of the papers today? PAPER CUTS has. In our thrice weekly podcast, some of Britain’s sharpest commentators and funniest comedians come together to look at the madness, the strangeness, the obsessions, and – occasionally – the brilliance of our national press.
Host Miranda Sawyer is joined by journalists and comedians like Jonn Elledge, Grainne Maguire, Jacob Jarvis, Ava Santina, Jacob Hawley, Marcus Brigstocke, Coco Khan and many more.
Illustrations by Modern Toss: https://moderntoss.com
Hosted by
Podmasters