Parenting Without Power Struggles

In this conversation, Susan and Dr. Kristin Neff talks about the importance of cultivating both fierce and tender self-compassion, offering specific practices that parents can easily use when they're feeling overwhelmed, angry, or simply being hard on themselves. https://susanstiffelman.com/podcast-episode-kristin-neff/

In this episode, Susan talks with Dr. Ramani Durvasula, author of author of the new book, It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People, as well as the books Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist, and Don't You Know Who I Am? How To Stay Sane In An Era Of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility. Susan and Dr. Durvasula discuss difficulties, grief and legal challenges associated with co-parenting with someone who has narcissistic tendencies. https://susanstiffelman.com/podcast-episodes-ramani-durvasula/

Susan talks with Dr. Pressman about the five guiding principles for raising a good human: relationships, reflection, regulation, rules, and repair. They stress the importance of being a "good enough" parent, rather than striving for perfection, and emphasize that imperfection is a natural part of being human. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/aliza-pressman-podcast-episode

Resilience isn't a trait kids either have or don't — it's something they build through repeated experiences of feeling hard emotions and getting through them, with a present and steady parent by their side. In this episode, Susan Stiffelman, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, and Dr. Laura Markham explore why our instinct to fix our children's disappointment can actually work against us — and what to do instead. What "brain reps" are and why your child's meltdowns are actually opportunities in disguise Why the urge to fix your child's distress can communicate the opposite of what you intend Why emotion coaching — not problem solving — is the essential first step toward resilience Show notes and transcript available here

*]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:6fa87474-d341-4003-a0fb-1650b17d4c75-2" data-testid= "conversation-turn-6" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> *]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:6fa87474-d341-4003-a0fb-1650b17d4c75-3" data-testid= "conversation-turn-8" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> In this episode, Susan explores why we sometimes react in ways that don't match our intentions. Through the lens of Internal Family Systems, she encourages parents to view those moments as protective parts taking over—and reminds us that our steady, wise Self is never far away. How understanding your own parts helps you respond more calmly to your child's activated parts. Why intellectual understanding (attachment, neuroscience, regulation) isn't always enough in charged moments. A simple in-the-moment reframe that creates space for your steadier "captain" self to return. Visit this page for transcript          

In this episode, Susan is joined by Lisa Spiegel, author of Internal Family Systems Therapy with Children, for a conversation about how understanding our "parts" can transform our parenting life. They explore what it means to be Self-led, why you're not your anger (and your child isn't either), and how helping kids understand their parts builds confidence, compassion, and emotional resilience.      

*]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:cac8a71c-422a-41be-b8ba-c4f290f0abe6-2" data-testid= "conversation-turn-6" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> In this episode, Susan explores how children are increasingly turning to AI chatbots not just for information, but for emotional reassurance — a shift that can quietly replace human connection. Drawing on insights from psychologist Dr. Zak Stein, she explains why real relationships, with their pauses, limits, and repair, are essential for healthy development, and how endlessly affirming bots can interfere with emotional growth. At its core, this conversation is about attachment — helping parents remain their child's safest place in a rapidly changing digital world.      

In this podcast, Susan explores the quiet, everyday joy that often gets lost in the stress, demands, and constant pressures of parenting—and why these small moments of happiness are essential for both parents and children. Drawing on attachment theory, neuroscience, and Internal Family Systems, she explains how play, laughter, and lightness help regulate nervous systems, strengthen connection, and offers simple ways to bring more joy into daily life. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/JoyPodcast

In this episode, Susan and Dr. Hallowell share tips for talking with children about ADHD that emphasizes its benefits rather than using a "just try harder!" approach. ADHD is a trait both Susan and Dr. Hallowell share, and both see it as an asset that has made their lives better---with effective strategies and support.  Why ADHD is better understood as a trait, not a deficit The real dangers to watch out for: shame and fear Why "try harder" backfires for kids with ADHD

In this episode, Susan explores what power struggles really are, why they arise so instinctively, and how parents can step out of them by embodying calm, confident leadership. Drawing from decades of work with families, she illustrates how pushing against a child's demands—whether about rides, rules, or routines—creates a cycle of resistance, while responding from the grounded "Captain of the Ship" state fosters cooperation, connection, and emotional growth. Susan explains that true change doesn't come from memorizing scripts, but from doing the inner work that allows parents to meet their children with authenticity, presence, and compassion. By reducing power struggles, families not only experience less conflict but also open the door to more closeness, teamwork, and the deep joy that comes from nurturing secure attachment. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/less-drama-more-connection-podcast

Susan speaks with clinician and author Kelsey Blahnik about her new book The AND Way, a model that helps people navigate tension while staying connected across deep divides. Together, they explore how parents can raise children who are open-minded, compassionate, and capable of engaging respectfully with people who think differently. The episode encourages parents to cultivate respect, understanding, and emotional flexibility—skills essential for navigating today's increasingly polarized world. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/kelsey-blahnik-podcast

*]:pointer-events-auto [content-visibility:auto] supports-[content-visibility:auto]:[contain-intrinsic-size:auto_100lvh] scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:336c262d-c1b6-47de-af59-2447e6cbb2e0-3" data-testid= "conversation-turn-8" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> In this episode, Susan explores what resilience truly looks like in children and why it's essential for parents to allow kids to experience manageable frustration instead of rushing in to fix or smooth things over. She explains how a parent's instinct to rescue often comes from their own discomfort, and why doing our inner work is key to helping children develop the flexibility, confidence, and coping skills they'll need as adults. Susan highlights how staying present, loving, and supportive—without taking over—allows children to build the emotional "muscles" that prepare them for life's inevitable ups and downs. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/parenting-without-rescue-podcast      

In this episode, Susan connects with her longtime friend, Rabbi Michael Zedek, exploring the power of storytelling as a way to transmit values, resilience, and compassion to children and adults alike. Rabbi Zedek shares wisdom from his five decades as a spiritual leader, reflecting on how stories help people internalize lessons more deeply than lectures or rules ever could. Their dialogue touches on the importance of interfaith understanding, curiosity, and empathy—reminding listeners that connection, kindness, and shared humanity are what sustain us. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/podcast-michael-zedek

In this episode, Susan talks with neuropsychologist Dr. Rita Eichenstein about the parent brain—how becoming a parent literally reshapes the brain, rewiring it for empathy, resilience, multitasking, and emotional intelligence. Dr. Eichenstein and Susan explore how understanding these changes can help parents recognize parenthood as a distinct and profound stage of human development, and appreciate the brain's remarkable capacity to evolve through love and caregiving. https://go.susanstiffelman.com/parent-brain-podcast

In this episode, Susan speaks with Dr. Judith Orloff about the gifts of sensitivity, offering encouragment and insight for parents of these tender-hearted, deep feeling children and teens. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/podcast-judith-orloff

In this episode, Susan explores one of the most powerful truths about parenting: that the most important thing we can do for our children is to work on ourselves. Drawing inspiration from Dr. Gabor Maté's insight and her training in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Susan explains how our emotional state, unresolved wounds, and inner "parts" profoundly shape our children's sense of safety and connection. She shares simple, compassionate ways to notice when we're triggered, name the parts that get activated, and return to our calm, wise "Captain" self. https://go.susanstiffelman.com/parenting-as-healing-podcast

In this episode, Susan emphasizes the importance of emotional connection between parents and children, even amid the busyness of daily life. She reassures parents that deep closeness doesn't require elaborate outings or large chunks of time, but can be nurtured through small, intentional practices like sharing a genuine smile, creating five-minute rituals, repairing after moments of tension, and entering a child's world by showing interest in what they love. She encourages cultivating these small habits of connection to not only strengthens a child's sense of being seen and valued, but also to nourish parents, filling both with greater closeness, joy, and resilience. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/nurturing-closeness-podcast

In this episode, Susan explores the important difference between threats and boundaries in parenting. Susan illustrates the contrast between threats and boundaries using real-life examples—such as homework, chores, and screen time. She highlights how shifting from reactive threats to steady boundaries strengthens trust and cooperation while giving children the security and clarity they need. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/threats-boundaries-podcast

In this episode, Susan offers compassionate guidance for navigating the emotional complexities of parenting after divorce. Susan explores the importance of emotional presence, not perfection, as the foundation for helping children feel secure during and after separation. Susan encouraging parents to model emotional safety, welcome messy feelings, and repair ruptures in connection. She validates the exhaustion many solo or co-parents feel, offers insights into children's developmental responses to divorce, and reminds listeners that showing up with steady, imperfect love makes a lasting difference. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/divorce-podcast-episode

In this episode, Susan reflects on Derek Thompson's article The Death of Partying in the USA to explore a troubling trend: the steady decline of in-person socializing, especially among young people. Susan highlights the mental health risks this poses—not just for adults, but for children growing up in screen-based, solitary environments. Susan gently encourages families to prioritize connection in an increasingly disconnected world. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/kids-thrive-connection-podcast

  In this episode, Susan explores the unique needs and strengths of highly sensitive children. Susan explains that high sensitivity is a temperament trait—not a flaw—characterized by deep empathy, acute perception, and strong emotional responses. Acknowledging that parenting a sensitive child can be both exhausting and rewarding, Susan emphasizes the importance of providing a calm, steady presence to help these children feel safe and supported. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/sensitive-kids-podcast

In this episode, encourages parents to shift from reactive discipline to compassionate problem-solving by asking a simple but powerful question: "Why does this behavior make sense?" Susan illustrates how understanding the root causes of a child's actions can lead to more effective, connection-based responses. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/podcasts-why-behavior-makes-sense

In this episode, Susan explors the roots of parental reactivity—those moments when we snap, yell, or shut down—and why they have less to do with our children's behavior and more to do with our own unmet needs, past experiences, and nervous system responses. Recognizing our triggers with compassion can open the door to healing, not just for ourselves but for our relationships with our kids. Susan invites listeners to shift from shame to self-awareness—and take the first steps toward more connected, mindful parenting. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/keeping-your-cool-podcast-2      

In this episode, Susan tackles a common parenting challenge: how to stay calm in the heat of conflict. Drawing on attachment theory, neuroscience, and mindfulness, Susan introduces two powerful tools—shrinking the moment and using a mental anchor word—to help parents regulate their own emotions and respond more constructively when their children resist limits. She invites listeners to a free webinar for more in-depth strategies on keeping your cool during parenting storms. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/keeping-cool-podcast

In this insightful episode, Susan is joined by Tracy Gillett of Raised Good for an honest conversation about parenting through meltdowns—those intense emotional storms that can shake both children and caregivers. They explore what's really happening in a child's brain during a meltdown, why these moments are developmentally normal, and how parents can show up with compassion rather than control. They also discuss the power of repair, the myth of perfect parenting, and how to trust your instincts even when they run counter to mainstream advice. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/tracy-gillett-podcast

In this episode, I explore one of the most challenging aspects of parenting: children's emotional meltdowns. But meltdowns are not signs of bad behavior—they're nervous system overloads signaling distress. I unpack the neuroscience behind these moments, the difference between tantrums and meltdowns, and why staying calm is more effective than trying to reason. You'll learn why emotional expression, especially crying, is essential for healthy development, and how your own regulation is key to supporting your child. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/meltdowns-podcast

In this episode, Susan and Lenore Skenazy discussed the importance of childhood independence, free play, and responsibility, emphasizing the need to reduce anxiety in children by allowing them to take risks and make their own decisions. They explored the impact of cultural messaging and media on parenting practices, suggesting ways to promote resilience and social skills through programs like free play and after-school activities. Their conversation also touched on the challenges of screen time, the benefits of self-care for parents, and the value of allowing children to contribute to family life and experience real-world interactions. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/lenore-skenazy-podcast

In this episode, Susan welcomes Dr. Delaney Ruston, a physician, filmmaker, and creator of the Screenagers documentary series. In this powerful conversation, they talk about how to parent with compassion and confidence in the digital age. Delaney emphasizes the importance of the "safety first" approach: creating a home environment where children feel safe disclosing difficult online experiences without fear of punishment. Susan and Delaney stress the power of presence, connection, and emotional safety as the bedrock of digital-era parenting. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/delaney-ruston-podcast

Anxiety in children isn't something to eliminate—it's something to understand. In this episode, we explore how anxiety shows up in the body and why it's actually a signal, not a flaw. You'll walk away with a new lens on your child's anxious moments—and a sense of what real support can look like. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/anxiety-podcast-2  

In this episode, Susan explores the rising issue of anxiety in children and teens, emphasizing that anxiety is not a flaw but a signal that something feels unsafe. She discusses contributing factors like social media, academic pressure, and global uncertainty, and she encourages parents to co-regulate using tools like movement and breath work. She reassures parents that their presence and understanding matter more than "fixing" the anxiety itself. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/anxiety-maggie-podcast

In this episode, Susan explores the importance of helping kids tune into their own wisdom and instincts, so they can think for themselves with confidence. Susan shares practical strategies for fostering self-trust, including asking thoughtful questions and helping kids recognize how their body and emotions respond to different choices. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/inner-wisdom-podcast

In this episode, Susan welcomes licensed clinical mental health counselor and certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, Tammy Sollenberger, to explore how IFS can help parents navigate their emotional triggers and build deeper connections with their children. Tammy illustrates how understanding and embracing different parts of ourselves can transform reactive parenting into more mindful and compassionate interactions. By integrating IFS principles, parents can step into a more centered, calm, and connected role with their children. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/tammy-sollenberger-podcast

In this episode, Susan explores why kids lie and how parents can foster honesty with compassion. She explains that lying is often a normal part of child development, driven by self-protection, avoiding consequences, or imaginative storytelling. Susan emphasizes the importance of modeling honesty and guiding children toward making amends, helping them develop integrity and trust in their relationships. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/why-kids-lie-podcast

In this episode, Susan challenges the traditional view of ADHD, reframing it as different brain wiring rather than a deficit. She explores how ADHD brains thrive on creativity and spontaneity while struggling with executive function and emotional regulation. She offers practical strategies to help ADHD children succeed and emphasizes the importance of co-regulation to allow parents to empower their ADHD children to thrive. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/flip-the-script-adhd-podcast

In this episode, Susan shares an excerpt from her new class with Dr. Laura Markham on Sibling Harmony. They explore how parents can help their children navigate sibling rivalry and how to guide kids to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. Susan emphasizes the importance of parents staying calm and regulated, as children's behavior often stems from their parents' dysregulation. Susan and Laura also share how sibling conflict can be an opportunity for children to develop crucial skills like empathy and self-expression. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/sibling-harmony

In this episode, Susan addresses a parent's concern about their seven-year-old child exhibiting rudeness, defiance, and emotional outbursts, especially when asked to do simple tasks. Susan emphasizes the importance of staying calm and regulated and not reacting from a place of personal frustration. She also touches on the importance of connection, understanding the child's needs, and staying steady during challenging moments. https://susanstiffelman.com/handling-defiance-podcast-episode/

This is a recording of a free session Susan hosted with Dr. Laura Markham on January 11, 2025 to offer immediate support to those affected by the wildfires in southern California. To subscribe to Susan's newsletter and receive updates about additional free support sessions, text NEWSLETTER to 310-905-8165 and follow the prompts. https://susanstiffelman.com/wildfire-support-podcast-laura-markham/

In this episode, Susan discusses some of the signs that co-parenting struggles are due to narcissism, rather than more ordinary issues like hurt or resentment. She shares the kinds of questions she gets from parents who are co-parenting with a narcissist. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/are-you-co-parenting-narcissist-podcast

In this episode, Susan shares an excerpt from a past session with Byron Katie, whose self-inquiry method, The Work, has deeply influenced her parenting approach. Katie's process helps parents question and shift stressful beliefs to improve their relationships with their children. Susan invites listeners to join her class with Katie to learn more about these transformative techniques. https://go.susanstiffelman.com/byron-katie-class-podcast

In this episode, Susan talks about the importance of allowing our kids to make mistakes and gain resilience by recovering from them. https://susanstiffelman.com/podcast-episode-helping-kids-make-mistakes/

In this episode, Susan talks with Julie Lythcott-Haims about the challenges of parenting, particularly as children transition into adulthood. They discuss the ways in which parents' roles evolve as their children grow, and the importance of parents modeling healthy adult behavior for their children. Julie describes the ultimate goal of parenting as raising independent and resilient adults who can thrive on their own. https://susanstiffelman.com/julie-lythcott-haims-young-adult-podcast/

In this episode, Susan explores the challenges children face with restlessness, fidgetiness, and hyperactivity, particularly in the school environment. She emphasizes the importance of movement, play, and imagination in child development, noting that traditional classroom settings may not always accommodate natural developmental needs. Susan suggests practical strategies for parents and schools to support children, such as incorporating brief movement breaks and providing tools for fidgeting. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/podcast-fidgety-kids

In this episode, Susan talks with Dr. Gabor Maté about attachment instincts, peer orientation, and the importance of parental presence in building a strong parent-child relationship. Dr. Maté explains how children's attachment to peers can affect their behavior and relationships, emphasizing the need for parents to maintain primary attachment with their children. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/gabor-mate-podcast-episode

In this episode, Susan talks with her friend and colleague, Robyn Posin, PhD. They discuss Robyn's book, "Go Only as Fast as Your Slowest Part Feels Safe to Go: Tales to Kindle Gentleness and Compassion for Our Exhausted Selves." They explore the importance of slowing down in today's fast-paced world, the need for rest as a sacred act, and the significance of mental and emotional well-being. Robyn shares practical tips and anecdotes to prioritize self-care and embrace a more mindful approach to life. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/robyn-posin-podcast-episode

In this episode, Susan talks with Dr. Dan Siegel on breaking dysfunctional patterns we've inherited from our own parents and grandparents. They discuss how early interactions with caregivers shape individuals and how tendencies and behaviors can be inherited through epigenetics. Dan also explains the concept of neuroplasticity, offering hope that parents can reshape their brains to become more integrated and resilient. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/podcast-generational-healing

In this episode, Susan coaches a new parent struggling to adjust to life with their 11-month-old baby. The parent expresses challenges in maintaining balance in their life after the baby's arrival. Susan emphasizes the importance of honest, open conversation in addressing these struggles and the need for  vulnerable discussions with partners. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/podcast-new-baby

In this episode, Susan coaches a parent whose kids have a hard time adjusting to the different rules and boundaries in their parents' two homes. Susan reassures this parent that boundaries help kids feel safe and secure in their attachment and role-plays a scenario to help this parent communicate for effectively with their kids. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/boundaries-two-houses-podcast

In this episode, Susan helps a parent with an unusual dilemma: their family will be traveling for a year, and their young daughter is resistant to the idea. Susan discusses the importance of making it safe for the child to express fears while remaining clear and relaxed. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/helping-child-travel-podcast

In this episode, you'll hear Susan talking with the parent of a forgetful, somewhat disorganized teen with ADHD without micromanaging. This conversation goes deep, looking at how our anxiety can muddy the waters of effective parenting. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/podcast-teen-adhd

In this episode, Susan talks with a parent who struggles with what she calls "ancestral anger" toward her preschooler -- a feeling of rage that stems from an unhealed part of her own childhood. Susan coaches this parent on handling the build up of rage when it makes its next appearance with her child. http://pages.susanstiffelman.com/podcast-ancestral-anger