PODCAST · kids
Parenting Without Power Struggles
by Susan Stiffelman
Susan Stiffelman is a family therapist, parent coach, and one of the country's premiere parenting experts, and the author of Parenting Without Power Struggles and Parenting With Presence (an Eckhart Tolle edition.) Susan's podcasts feature conversations with guests including Dr. Dan Siegel, Janet Lansbury, Dr. Kristen Neff, Dr. Mona Delahooke, Glennon Doyle, Dr. Jane Goodall, Jack Kornfield, Martha Beck, and many others.
Episodes
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4:8 Being Present with Disappointment: an IFS Perspective
In this episode, Susan explores what happens when our children are disappointed, upset, or frustrated — and why our instinct to fix, minimize, or rescue them from that feeling often does more harm than good. Using the example of a child upset about a not getting to wear a favorite shirt, she...
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4:7 After the Anger: An IFS Look at Repair
In this episode, Susan explores what happens after Lawyer or Dictator mode has taken over and you've lost your cool. She explains why the goal isn't to stay serene all the time, and why genuine repair, done well, teaches a child that relationships can survive rupture. Susan breaks down the steps…
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4:6 An IFS Look at Power Struggles: Captain, Lawyer, or Dictator?
In this episode, Susan connects Internal Family Systems to three modes she's taught for years: Captain, Lawyer, and Dictator. Using a real dinnertime example, she shows how a child's simple request can pull a parent from calm boundary-setting into defending themselves, and eventually into…
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4:5 Tormentor or Mentor? An IFS Reframe on Parenting's Tough Moments
In this episode, Susan unpacks Richard Schwartz's term "tor-mentor" — the idea that our children, in the moments they frustrate us most, are also mentoring us toward healing. Ordinary friction, like being ignored, can trigger reactions far bigger than the moment calls for, often knocking into…
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4:4 The Perfectionist, Controller & People Pleaser: Your Manager Parts Explained
Susan continues her Parenting Without Power Struggles series on Internal Family Systems, introducing "manager" parts. A healthy manager keeps life running smoothly, but when driven by old fears or insecurities, it can tip into perfectionism, control, or people-pleasing, often at a cost to our…
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4:3 Calming Rage With IFS: Helping Protective Parts Relax
Susan continues her Parenting Without Power Struggles series on Internal Family Systems, exploring how "firefighter" parts trigger intense reactivity, rage, and regrettable parenting moments. She explains that parents often fixate on what went wrong and overlook what went well — a result of the...
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4:2 Blindsided by Rage: An IFS Look at Firefighter Parts
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4:1 Calm, Confident, Clear: Anchoring to Your Wise Self
In this episode, Susan introduces the core idea behind Internal Family Systems and what it means for parenting: beneath our anxiety, anger, and overwhelm is a calm, confident "Wise Self" — the steady part of us that functions as the Captain of the ship for our kids. When our children act out…
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1: 71 Encore episode: A Conversation With Dr. Kristin Neff
In this conversation, Susan and Dr. Kristin Neff talks about the importance of cultivating both fierce and tender self-compassion, offering specific practices that parents can easily use when they're feeling overwhelmed, angry, or simply being hard on themselves....
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1:79 Co-Parenting with a Narcissist, with Dr. Ramani Durvasula
In this episode, Susan talks with Dr. Ramani Durvasula, author of author of the new book, It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People, as well as the books Should I Stay Or Should I Go? Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist, and Don't You Know Who I Am? How To Stay Sane In...
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2:10 Five Principles of Parenting with Aliza Pressman
Susan talks with Dr. Pressman about the five guiding principles for raising a good human: relationships, reflection, regulation, rules, and repair. They stress the importance of being a "good enough" parent, rather than striving for perfection, and emphasize that imperfection is a natural part of...
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3:48 The Uncomfortable Path to Resilience
Resilience isn't a trait kids either have or don't — it's something they build through repeated experiences of feeling hard emotions and getting through them, with a present and steady parent by their side. In this episode, Susan Stiffelman, Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, and Dr. Laura Markham explore…
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3:46 "I Didn't Mean to Say That!"
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3:45 Captain of the Ship Meets IFS
In this episode, Susan is joined by Lisa Spiegel, author of Internal Family Systems Therapy with Children, for a conversation about how understanding our "parts" can transform our parenting life. They explore what it means to be Self-led, why you're not your anger (and your child isn't either)…
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3:44 When Kids Turn to Chatbots for Emotional Support
*]:pointer-events-auto scroll-mt-[calc(var(--header-height)+min(200px,max(70px,20svh)))]" dir="auto" tabindex="-1" data-turn-id= "request-WEB:cac8a71c-422a-41be-b8ba-c4f290f0abe6-2" data-testid= "conversation-turn-6" data-scroll-anchor="true" data-turn= "assistant"> In this episode, Susan…
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3:43 Sparks of Joy in Everyday Parenting
In this podcast, Susan explores the quiet, everyday joy that often gets lost in the stress, demands, and constant pressures of parenting—and why these small moments of happiness are essential for both parents and children. Drawing on attachment theory, neuroscience, and Internal Family Systems…
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3:42 ADHD, with Dr. Ned Hallowell
In this episode, Susan and Dr. Hallowell share tips for talking with children about ADHD that emphasizes its benefits rather than using a "just try harder!" approach. ADHD is a trait both Susan and Dr. Hallowell share, and both see it as an asset that has made their lives better---with effective...
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3:41 Parenting With Less Drama and More Connection
In this episode, Susan explores what power struggles really are, why they arise so instinctively, and how parents can step out of them by embodying calm, confident leadership. Drawing from decades of work with families, she illustrates how pushing against a child's demands—whether about rides,...
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3:40 Raising Kids Who Can Handle Differences with Kelsey Blahnik
Susan speaks with clinician and author Kelsey Blahnik about her new book The AND Way, a model that helps people navigate tension while staying connected across deep divides. Together, they explore how parents can raise children who are open-minded, compassionate, and capable of engaging...
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3:39 Raising Resilience: Parenting Without Rescue
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3:38 The Power of Storytelling with Rabbi Michael Zedek
In this episode, Susan connects with her longtime friend, Rabbi Michael Zedek, exploring the power of storytelling as a way to transmit values, resilience, and compassion to children and adults alike. Rabbi Zedek shares wisdom from his five decades as a spiritual leader, reflecting on how stories...
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3:39 The Parent Brain with Dr. Rita Eichenstein
In this episode, Susan talks with neuropsychologist Dr. Rita Eichenstein about the parent brain—how becoming a parent literally reshapes the brain, rewiring it for empathy, resilience, multitasking, and emotional intelligence. Dr. Eichenstein and Susan explore how understanding these changes can...
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3:37 Supporting Sensitive Kids with Dr. Judith Orloff
In this episode, Susan speaks with Dr. Judith Orloff about the gifts of sensitivity, offering encouragment and insight for parents of these tender-hearted, deep feeling children and teens. https://pages.susanstiffelman.com/podcast-judith-orloff
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3:36 Parenting as a Path to Healing
In this episode, Susan explores one of the most powerful truths about parenting: that the most important thing we can do for our children is to work on ourselves. Drawing inspiration from Dr. Gabor Maté's insight and her training in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Susan explains how our emotional...
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3:35 Nurturing Closeness With Your Kids
In this episode, Susan emphasizes the importance of emotional connection between parents and children, even amid the busyness of daily life. She reassures parents that deep closeness doesn't require elaborate outings or large chunks of time, but can be nurtured through small, intentional…
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3:34 Threats vs. Boundaries: Set Limits That Build Connection
In this episode, Susan explores the important difference between threats and boundaries in parenting. Susan illustrates the contrast between threats and boundaries using real-life examples—such as homework, chores, and screen time. She highlights how shifting from reactive threats to steady...
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3:33 Parenting After Divorce: What Kids Need Most
In this episode, Susan offers compassionate guidance for navigating the emotional complexities of parenting after divorce. Susan explores the importance of emotional presence, not perfection, as the foundation for helping children feel secure during and after separation. Susan encouraging parents...
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3:32 Helping Kids Thrive Through Real Connection
In this episode, Susan reflects on Derek Thompson's article The Death of Partying in the USA to explore a troubling trend: the steady decline of in-person socializing, especially among young people. Susan highlights the mental health risks this poses—not just for adults, but for children growing…
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3:31 Big Feelings, Tender Hearts: Supporting Sensitive Children
In this episode, Susan explores the unique needs and strengths of highly sensitive children. Susan explains that high sensitivity is a temperament trait—not a flaw—characterized by deep empathy, acute perception, and strong emotional responses. Acknowledging that parenting a sensitive child can…
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3:30 Why Does Your Child's Behavior Make Sense?
In this episode, encourages parents to shift from reactive discipline to compassionate problem-solving by asking a simple but powerful question: "Why does this behavior make sense?" Susan illustrates how understanding the root causes of a child's actions can lead to more effective…
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3:29 Parenting from Your Calm Self: Less Yelling and More Connection
In this episode, Susan explors the roots of parental reactivity—those moments when we snap, yell, or shut down—and why they have less to do with our children's behavior and more to do with our own unmet needs, past experiences, and nervous system responses. Recognizing our triggers with…
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3:28 Keeping Your Cool In Stressful Moments
In this episode, Susan tackles a common parenting challenge: how to stay calm in the heat of conflict. Drawing on attachment theory, neuroscience, and mindfulness, Susan introduces two powerful tools—shrinking the moment and using a mental anchor word—to help parents regulate their own emotions…
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3:27 Holding Space for Big Feelings: A Conversation with Tracy Gillett
In this insightful episode, Susan is joined by Tracy Gillett of Raised Good for an honest conversation about parenting through meltdowns—those intense emotional storms that can shake both children and caregivers. They explore what's really happening in a child's brain during a meltdown, why these...
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3:26 Meltdowns Are Not Misbehavior: A Nervous System Perspective
In this episode, I explore one of the most challenging aspects of parenting: children's emotional meltdowns. But meltdowns are not signs of bad behavior—they're nervous system overloads signaling distress. I unpack the neuroscience behind these moments, the difference between tantrums and...
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3:25 Let Grow with Lenore Skenazy: Why Childhood Independence Matters
In this episode, Susan and Lenore Skenazy discussed the importance of childhood independence, free play, and responsibility, emphasizing the need to reduce anxiety in children by allowing them to take risks and make their own decisions. They explored the impact of cultural messaging and media on...
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3:24 Raising Digitally Resilient Kids With Delaney Ruston
In this episode, Susan welcomes Dr. Delaney Ruston, a physician, filmmaker, and creator of the Screenagers documentary series. In this powerful conversation, they talk about how to parent with compassion and confidence in the digital age. Delaney emphasizes the importance of the "safety first"...
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3:23 New Ways to Approach Anxiety
Anxiety in children isn't something to eliminate—it's something to understand. In this episode, we explore how anxiety shows up in the body and why it's actually a signal, not a flaw. You'll walk away with a new lens on your child's anxious moments—and a sense of what real support can look like....
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3:22 Understanding and Supporting Anxious Children
In this episode, Susan explores the rising issue of anxiety in children and teens, emphasizing that anxiety is not a flaw but a signal that something feels unsafe. She discusses contributing factors like social media, academic pressure, and global uncertainty, and she encourages parents to...
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3:21 Helping Kids Trust Their Inner Wisdom
In this episode, Susan explores the importance of helping kids tune into their own wisdom and instincts, so they can think for themselves with confidence. Susan shares practical strategies for fostering self-trust, including asking thoughtful questions and helping kids recognize how their body…
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3:25 Transform Your Parenting: Internal Family Systems with Tammy Sollenberger
In this episode, Susan welcomes licensed clinical mental health counselor and certified Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, Tammy Sollenberger, to explore how IFS can help parents navigate their emotional triggers and build deeper connections with their children. Tammy illustrates how...
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3:20 When Kids Lie: What It Means and How to Respond
In this episode, Susan explores why kids lie and how parents can foster honesty with compassion. She explains that lying is often a normal part of child development, driven by self-protection, avoiding consequences, or imaginative storytelling. Susan emphasizes the importance of modeling honesty...
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3:19 Flipping the Script on ADHD
In this episode, Susan challenges the traditional view of ADHD, reframing it as different brain wiring rather than a deficit. She explores how ADHD brains thrive on creativity and spontaneity while struggling with executive function and emotional regulation. She offers practical strategies to…
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3:18 Helping Siblings Navigate Conflict: With Dr. Laura Markham
In this episode, Susan shares an excerpt from her new class with Dr. Laura Markham on Sibling Harmony. They explore how parents can help their children navigate sibling rivalry and how to guide kids to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. Susan emphasizes the importance of parents staying calm and...
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3:17 Handling Defiance In Kids
In this episode, Susan addresses a parent's concern about their seven-year-old child exhibiting rudeness, defiance, and emotional outbursts, especially when asked to do simple tasks. Susan emphasizes the importance of staying calm and regulated and not reacting from a place of personal…
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3:16 Wildfire Support For Parents with Dr. Laura Markham
This is a recording of a free session Susan hosted with Dr. Laura Markham on January 11, 2025 to offer immediate support to those affected by the wildfires in southern California. To subscribe to Susan's newsletter and receive updates about additional free support sessions, text NEWSLETTER to...
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3:15 Are You Co-Parenting With A Narcissist?
In this episode, Susan discusses some of the signs that co-parenting struggles are due to narcissism, rather than more ordinary issues like hurt or resentment. She shares the kinds of questions she gets from parents who are co-parenting with a narcissist....
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3:14 The Work and Parenting with Byron Katie
In this episode, Susan shares an excerpt from a past session with Byron Katie, whose self-inquiry method, The Work, has deeply influenced her parenting approach. Katie's process helps parents question and shift stressful beliefs to improve their relationships with their children. Susan invites...
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1:83 Helping Kids Make Mistakes With Susan Stiffelman
In this episode, Susan talks about the importance of allowing our kids to make mistakes and gain resilience by recovering from them. https://susanstiffelman.com/podcast-episode-helping-kids-make-mistakes/
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3:13 Helping Kids Become Resilient Adults With Julie Lythcott-Haims
In this episode, Susan talks with Julie Lythcott-Haims about the challenges of parenting, particularly as children transition into adulthood. They discuss the ways in which parents' roles evolve as their children grow, and the importance of parents modeling healthy adult behavior for their...
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3:12 Restless and Fidgety Kids with Susan Stiffelman
In this episode, Susan explores the challenges children face with restlessness, fidgetiness, and hyperactivity, particularly in the school environment. She emphasizes the importance of movement, play, and imagination in child development, noting that traditional classroom settings may not always...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Susan Stiffelman is a family therapist, parent coach, and one of the country's premiere parenting experts, and the author of Parenting Without Power Struggles and Parenting With Presence (an Eckhart Tolle edition.) Susan's podcasts feature conversations with guests including Dr. Dan Siegel, Janet Lansbury, Dr. Kristen Neff, Dr. Mona Delahooke, Glennon Doyle, Dr. Jane Goodall, Jack Kornfield, Martha Beck, and many others.
HOSTED BY
Susan Stiffelman
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Parenting Without Power Struggles have?
Parenting Without Power Struggles currently has 100 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Parenting Without Power Struggles about?
Susan Stiffelman is a family therapist, parent coach, and one of the country's premiere parenting experts, and the author of Parenting Without Power Struggles and Parenting With Presence (an Eckhart Tolle edition.) Susan's podcasts feature conversations with guests including Dr. Dan Siegel, Janet...
How often does Parenting Without Power Struggles release new episodes?
Parenting Without Power Struggles has 100 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Parenting Without Power Struggles?
You can listen to Parenting Without Power Struggles on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Parenting Without Power Struggles?
Parenting Without Power Struggles is created and hosted by Susan Stiffelman.
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