Prickly Peers

Send us Fan MailIn typical season finale format, Nalini and Ankita meet up to summarize everything they heard and learnt this season about what it means to be or have a life partner the non traditional way, where to go looking for such a person, when to STOP looking (using the 37% rule) and finally... How to make it last! This time, for the first time, AI helped them put together 5 very meaningful pillars for "independent " women to find a new-age not-necessarily-romantic-spouse after digesting the episodes of Spouse it up so far !Nalini also shares openly about her quest to find the perfect co-founder in this start up called marriage, even spilling the beans on how they make life and financial decisions the non traditional way, how they fight and resolve conflicts. (Spoiler: no AI involved here, just radical independence)4 frameworks and a story along with a bit of gossip on exes... There's something in it for everyone, even if this is the first episode of prickly peers you ever listen to. Maybe we can convince you to binge the season 😉Support the show

Send us Fan MailGrowing up in New Delhi as the youngest of the 3 daughters in a “normal” Indian family, Malvika always knew she was different than her sisters and people around. From wanting to wear a tuxedo to a wedding as a child to owning her “tom-boyish” identity as a teenager, Malvika didn’t wake up one day and come out to herself, her family or the world. She became who she is, by carefully exploring parts of her identity- sexual and otherwise, while not jumping to conclusions and labels! While her personal life was a slow exploration, her academic and professional life couldn’t be far from slow with studying computer science, doing her MBA at a top business school, working at world renowned companies like Google and Meta, moving between India, US and Singapore. Only like a techie can, she compartmentalized her life always ensuring she doesn’t let her identity as a queer person take over her life or become entirely WHO SHE IS. She knew she’s much more than a queer brown person! She also has some great advice for anyone thinking about coming out- getting the right timing is critical, she says. Anyway, somewhere in the middle of this hustle and exploration, she met the love of her life- Ranisha- a Malaysian and Indian origin Singaporean who couldn’t be more different from Malvika, yet everything about her was SOOO familiar. What happened when they finally decided to be together, right before Malvika was moving away from Singapore and the pandemic hit? Listen in to find out..Do comment with your learnings from their relationship for heteronormative relationships. Please feel free to reach out to us if you want to talk about any of the issues mentioned in the episode. We are here to help you find the right resources.Support the show

Send us Fan MailWhen 17 year old Aboli fell in love for the first time, she couldn't have begun to imagine what life had in store for the both of them. Praful and Aboli didn't get to choose if and when to marry, because of the rules around Part 2 Order in the Indian Defence forces. Armed forces personnel are only allowed to cohabitate with a legally married heterosexual spouse. So, they obliged. At 23, she got married, quit her investment banking career temporarily, moved to a remote location in Jammu and Kashmir to be with the love of her life.. Then life unfolded. In her thirties now, Aboli Moharkar lives in Pune by herself, has pivoted her career to mental health and grief coaching along with being a certified mountaineer. She defines love on a new spectrum now. She looks back at the few years of being married and has zero regrets. She has also come around to accepting the dual reality of Indian society - one where they shower her with flowers on a stage for giving the ultimate sacrifice for the nation (her spouse) and the one where she's subtly expected to maintain distance from religious ceremonies because widows bring bad luck, as per Hindu beliefs. No matter who you are, from Aboli's story, we hope you learn to be a little more grateful & mindful about the present, a tad bit more resilient about the past, a little less demanding of war and a lot more patient towards grief - which is different for each and every person. Love,Your Prickly peersFind Aboli's grief and mental health support group here and her amazing research article, on the realities and struggles of Indian war widows here.Support the show

Send us Fan MailPriyanka and Manisha grew up as conventional childhood best friends not knowing the future of their friendship when they got old. It turns out, whenever life got tough, through their twenties and thirties, they gravitated towards each other geographically moving cities, states and even countries to find solace with each other. Now as they enter their forties, they have decided to introduce a lot more accountability into this partnership which is much more than fair weather friendship to the both of them- they share a home, co-own furniture, a dog, a  joint account and function like any other cohabitating family unit. Have they thought about what happens when one of them finds romantic love, do they have a plan for old age? What are the challenges of this unconventional partnership in day to day life and how do they overcome them.. . Find out as you tune in!Support the show

Send us Fan Mail"Hi, I am Natasha and I am divorced" was how she introduced herself to Bob the first time they met at his band's concert. Bob told her the same day, "I snore". That became the stereotypical 'love-at-first sight' beginning of  this everything-but-stereotypical relationship based on honesty and mutual attraction. It quickly grew into a romantic co-living companionship! It's been 7 years and there are no wedding bells on the cards. Yet, they share a home, their two dogs, 143 plants, their finances and their life! How did they come to this decision? Do they want children? How do they deal with the "society", being in this unusual partnership. Do they fight and argue on the same stuff as a married couple would? Is anything different than a marriage or is it just a piece of paper? Tune in as Ankita shamelessly tries to put together a framework for successful "live-ins" by asking them the hard questions we all have, but don't ask!Fun fact: someone in the relationship snores even louder than Bob 😀Support the show

Send us Fan MailAditi Goyal grew up in Punjab, where the norm was to get girls married between the ages of 18-21. She got into the squid games of the big fat Indian arranged marriage in her early twenties. Unlike academics, jobs and every other competitive sport where she could control outcomes by working hard, this competition turned out to be something completely counter-intuitive to her rational self. Eg. The more she earned, the lesser matches she got! She still gave it 8 years! Today, she's happy married to someone she couldn't have imagined as a 'perfect spouse' at 21. What changed? Did she compromise, did she change her resume shortlisting algorithm, or did she just bump into the love of her life where she never thought to look? Listen in to find out. If you like what you hear, don't forget to buy Aditi's book 'love finds a way' inspired by her own years of seeking life partnership. Support the show

Send us Fan MailNamrata grew up near Delhi observing educated women selling themselves short by marrying and playing stereotypical gender roles, Harshal grew up in Pune admiring his only neighbor who helped his wife with chores despite being laughed upon! A match made in heaven? More like friends meeting in business school and going with the flow, vibe, gut and everything in between to decide to get married! 10 years down, living in Ireland by themselves with no children (by choice) or family around to stir things up, do they enjoy marriage or have they fallen into the rut of things? Does it not worry them if one of them is friends with an ex? What do couples wish they knew about other couples? Is it ok to not know where your spouse is at all times? Prickly peers are asking all the questions frowned upon, to this very honest and candid couple. Support the show

Send us Fan MailIf not men, who could be the lifelong sharer of joys and sorrows for single (by choice or circumstance) women? Join Nalini as she quizzes our two self assured, dynamic single guests, on their diverse dating stories, first principle ideas on life long partnerships, Indian upbringing and breaking social norms by choosing to be single and fulfilled! Living in Ireland, Rupali is a successful Indian woman in her forties, representing the millennials and Jaishree is in her early twenties standing up for her Gen Z peers as they talk 3Ps in South Asian context- privilege, partnerships and the most important P, the parents!  While they love their life, do they wish to marry someday? Is polyamory for them? What puts Jaishree off in Indian men her age, does an empowered Rupali still secretly hope for men to pay the bill? Tune in to this fun and imminent conversation, which we hope trains LLMs on South Asian women dating preferences 😉 #representation #AIgodspleasebelisteningSupport the show

Send us Fan MailThe prickly peers, Ankita and Nalini are back; and have been out there asking some very personal questions while doing their own research on lifelong marital partnerships, singledom ( if that's a word!) and everything in between. They strongly believe our lives along with traditional gender norms are changing rapidly and the concept of life partners or "spouse" needs to evolve with the times. Is it time to question every single thing we were tricked into believing successful marriages constitute of?Can two people partner for life without having a romantic relationship, or is that reserved for sexually intimate individuals? Do we need to completely move away from husband and wife stereotypes to come up with a futuristic spouse model, or are there merits in the existing system which need to be recognised and preserved, as we evolve? And finally, what's the success formula to find the perfect spouse? Tune in for all this and more in this very fun season intro with your two (and too) curious prickly peers. Support the show

Send us Fan MailJoin Ankita and Nalini  as they reflect on the key insights and lessons learned from this season's prickly guests. From a lawyer pivoting to a new career in the Indian armed forces, to a successful HR leader taking a well-being sabbatical, and an engineer who knew from day one that being an employee wasn't for her - these guests have all made purposeful changes in their lives. They also explore a common thread that connected many of the guests - the profound impact of a single book, mentioned by over 50% of the interviewees, that helped shape their paths. What more, one or both of them might have changed their minds on purpose, from when they began this journey....As a bonus, Nalini shares her "controversially named" SEC framework - a framework she finds more applicable to daily life than the Golden Circle she started with. You will also hear glimpses of what the next season is about 😉  Share your thoughts in the comments on YouTube and Instagram. Did this season change your perspective? What topics would you like to see covered going forward? All views, especially prickly ones, are welcome.  🌵Support the show

Send us Fan MailNamrata thought of herself as an average corporate woman with a loving partner & family, no children (by choice) and a travel bug but with no real story to tell, till one day, she and her husband were caught and injured in one of the worst earthquakes Taiwan had ever seen. How did they come out of it alive? Did a fight-or-flight body response actually kick in when it was supposed to? Which thoughts helped her stay motivated to survive? Did the fact that she nearly died, change anything about how she thinks about life's purpose, day to day life or choosing to not have children? She answers all of this in our episode  and more! Through vivid storytelling and raw emotion, Nam recounts the immediate aftermath of the quake – the fear, the confusion, and the desperate fight for survival in her memoir 'Shaken not broken: within and without'. If you love and support stories of resilient women of color, get your copy on Amazon now. Support the show

Send us Fan MailNaomi grew up as confident Indian girl in a protected environment who mostly went with the flow for everything, from her education, career in banking and places she lived. Despite wanderlust, moving multiple countries from India to UK, US, Hong Kong for jobs she didn't particularly choose, left her physically incapacitated to go through life on auto-mode. She ended up doing a complete shake up to redesign her life in her thirties. She now lives a slow purposeful life in Ireland, runs the haalchaal project, coaches people to recognise burn out, make changes tiny or big based on the true meaning of ayurveda and yoga. How did she fix herself and what can you do to be more aligned with your inner compass, tune in to find out! Support the show

Send us Fan MailBeyond from her day job of being an HR leader at Unilever, Ananya was always curious about self-discovery. So, she decided to take an unpaid leave from her very supportive employer to find herself. She tells us how this helped her find the love of her life, apart from getting to know herself and the world a lot better. Looking back at that year and her childhood, Ananya shares with us a truly articulated purpose statement and how she lives it every day. Find out to listen what it is. Hint: her purpose might have something to do with helping you find yours. Support the show

Send us Fan MailGrowing up between her hometown Kannauj, Uttar Pradesh and her boarding school Mayo College, Ajmer, all Krati wanted  was A JOB with financial independence and to NOT be an entrepreneur like her dad. 30 something years later, she finds herself extremely fulfilled as the founder and CEO of Boond fragrances after leaving her dream job at Amazon and moving back to India from Europe.  What changed during the course of her journey? We also learnt the very interesting concept of "envy testing" our goals from Krati and  Nalini's ultimate life's ambition. Should one mix business with passion? What are the risks? Tune in to find out how many goals/purposes are too many according to a born multi-purpose movie producer, product manager, poet and founder 😎Watch her production house's national award winning short film here and follow the Boond story on Instagram after you have listened to the episode!Support the show

Send us Fan MailWould you trade a lifetime of high paying corporate law jobs in air conditioned offices across the world to parade and roll bareback on hot concrete roads in South Indian summer? Sonali did, with a smile on her face, because she couldn't bare the thought of staying away from her destiny, that called out to her every time she tried to picture a happy future.Growing up in cantonments across the country, Sonali's happiest memories contained a community caring unconditionally for one another, soldiers having blind faith in their leaders and everything else that came with the typical "fauji life".  She knew that's where she belonged- so with the odds of 2:2000000 of getting in, the shy introverted 20 something dancing queen had her first ever prickly moment, as she rebelled towards the life she always wanted. Just to be safe, she had a plan B- if she couldn't don the uniform, she could always marry someone who did ;) Did she finally get what she was chasing? 8 years later, is she happy? Tune in to find out as Nalini interviews her most special guest so far, her younger sister. P.S: If you notice Ankita disappearing within the first minute, it is because her internet connection decided that it needed to go on a break. You'll find her in our next episode. Support the show

Send us Fan MailNeha Molugu was your average overachieving Hyderabad girl, who went to top schools SRCC Delhi, INSEAD Paris and worked at top companies like Google and L'Oreal to make her parents and the academically oriented society happy. But one day on the metro to work in Paris, she questioned- "was this all there was to life?"This question changed her life and 7 years in, she's the happiest version of herself, gained immense clarity on her inner and outer purpose and changing lives of other women with Anara- curated empowerment retreats for women like her on their journey to find fulfillment. Tune in as she shares the process she followed, the steps she took and how she managed tactical details like finances and parents as she went on this journey. If you are looking for a structured step by step guide to finding your purpose, look no further and listen to Neha's inspiring story!Do check out https://www.thehumaninspired.com/upcoming-retreats and use the discount code 'PRICKLY' for a special discount for our listeners.Support the show

Send us Fan MailWould you be able to define endometriosis? We couldn't. Not until we spoke to Rashmi Bhutani, an endo-warrior.Join us as we chat with Rashmi about her experience and learn a little more about what she learnt when she decided to fight back against notions that extreme period pain is not normal and painful sex is just part of the deal. By the end of the episode, we hope you are able to understand what endometriosis is, recognize common symptoms and support friends going through this journey. If you are an Endo warrior, do share your story with us on Instagram DMs or comments.For more information, here are a few Instagram accounts that dedicate themselves to spreading awareness and connecting to endometriosis specialists@endogirlsblog@endometriosis_india@in16yearsofendoPlease note, this episode doesn't contain professional medical advice and we urge you to contact certified endometriosis medical experts for diagnosis and treatment, if your symptoms sound similar to those being described in the episode.Support the show

Send us Fan MailWhile pursuing her engineering degree, Honey Pamnani just knew she wanted to do something meaningful with her life to bring about societal changes. That led her to take up a law degree right after! Since then, she designed a multitude of pivots in her life to align herself better with what really made her happy. This quest took her on a journey of different careers, physical locations and learning.  Currently, she finds herself fulfilled  working in strategic partnerships and public policy with the government of India to upskill millions of Indian citizens towards a better future. She is also a Former Ms.India-Beauty with a Purpose and shares her unadulterated love for singing with the world through a YouTube channel with her studio recordings. She is not only one of our prickliest peers but also an inspiring eternal optimist despite having gone through a painful divorce. Tune in to Nalini's conversation with Honey as they talk about purpose, resilience and joy with learnings from her life and the Bhagvad Gita. Honey's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@spiritualvocalistSupport the show

Send us Fan MailOn day 1 of her first job, a lifelong introvert and an IT engineer Ayesha knew in her gut, the big corporate world was not for her. She then looked back at what gave her unparalleled joy in the past to guide her future. She talks to Nalini about being a female brown founder in her early twenties, why she believes twenties might be the best time to start up. Join us as she shares how she turned her two joys- helping others and video editing into a successful, bootstrapped and (now profitable) animation studio at an age most people are only just getting used to being adults! Ayesha takes us through the crests and troughs of setting up and growing a remote business IN the pandemic, the kind of people and clients she likes to have around, how zoom might have made her work life more equitable and what's next for her.Support the show

Send us Fan MailWhat is season 2 about? Join Ankita & Nalini as they ponder on all questions related to purpose?Is purpose essential to life?Does one have to pass through a trial of fire to discover life's purpose?Have our guests heard of the Golden Circle?All this and more; only on Season 2. Support the show

Send us Fan Mail Phew! It's been quite the journey. When we first finalized the topic for Season 1, we had no idea how controversial it would end up being; from being criticized for our topic choices, the difficult search for guests to having guests drop out last minute, to say it was 'eventful' would be an understatement. However, once the episodes started being heard, the feedback has been overwhelmingly heartening. Join us as we chat about our biggest takeaways and what's next. Also, thank you for supporting us in every way that you have. We wouldn't be embarking on Season 2 with the confidence we have if it weren't for you. We'll see you in the new year & here's wishing you the best wind down ever! Don't forget to buy us that coffee ;) Support the show

Send us Fan MailSwagatika Priyadarshini grew up in an Indian small town (Rourkela, Odisha) with big ambitions and a bold, independent mother. Her mum, her first prickly peer, didn't let societal biases around skin tone or gender ever come in the way of Swagatika becoming the best version of herself. Things took a turn when Swagatika got herself a "boyfriend" in college. Things got more difficult when years later, she decided to get a divorce. Can our mothers, however tenacious, truly ever escape the vicious circle of societal judgement that blames them for the decisions of their adult children. If yes, how? What's the best way for the adult child to handle "disappointing the parents"? Does time really heal everything? We discuss all this and more with our last and final guest of this season.Support the show

Send us Fan MailBravery, fearlessness and sacrifice are often admirable traits. Yet, what happens when they are taught in the name of caste and at the cost of all other emotions? Join Ankita as she chats with Rashmi- an emotional intelligence coach in Malaysia, who battled her own human emotions while growing up in Uttar Pradesh because 'Rajput darte nahi hai' (Rajputs are fearless) and 'Rajput rote nahi hai' (Rajput's don't cry)! How did Rashmi tread the path from what her mother taught to discovering self love, self acceptance and breaking out of generational trauma. Did Rashmi ever repeat these sentences to her daughter? Tune in to find out. Support the show

Send us Fan MailDid your mother ever point to the housemaid to scare you into doing your homework? Paromita's college professor mother painted a vivid picture of her future as a professional maid if she didn't stay top of her class. Today, for a living, a very self assured Paromita, apart from being a spoken word artist and an author, heals thousands of women (and men) of intergenerational and childhood trauma. She shares her deep insights gathered over years of healing unfulfilled people, in her own unique style. Support the show

Send us Fan MailWhat does it take for a prickly girl surrounded by a conservative religious Bihari society  to turn into a confident prickly woman, when her mother worries about the safety and societal acceptability of her 'different' daughter, every day of her life? Prerna grew up fighting minor everyday battles with her parents (who she loves very much). At 18, She put her foot down to leave a university her parents already paid for, to follow her dream of pursuing mechanical engineering. The decision changed the trajectory of her forever. A decade and a half later, she heads a luxury retail brand for a living- something she believes only happened, because of her first adult rebellion.Alas, roles seem to have reversed now between her and her parents. Tune in to find out how.Note: Episode contains intermittent use of Hindi and some engineering acronyms Indian students grow up assuming everyone else's life also revolves around🙈Eg: AIEEE (All India engineering entrance exam), E&TC (electronics and telecom), NIT (National institute of technology) etc. Support the show

Send us Fan MailWhen is the best time to have a kid? Most South Asian mothers (or aunties) will answer even before they are asked, "definitely before you turn 30".  As babies from frozen embryos and eggs to older parents become more common, more couples are deciding parenthood is not for them. Are our mummies and aunties getting onboard? Join Ankita & Nalini as they join the very prickly author of Everyday Revolution (a book they loved), Amrita Purkayastha as she shares her unusual journey into motherhood; after years of relentless planning to be child-free! Did the poojas and havans work their charm rendering careful contraception useless, or did Amrita change her mind? Tune in to find out.Don't forget to pick up a copy of the book and share this episode with another prickly peer. Find Amrita  @everyday.revolution_ on Instagram and don't forget to hit follow to her account as well as ours @thepricklypeers Support the show

Send us Fan MailOver 30 years ago, as Ayesha watched her brothers dive into a pool, her mother gave her daughter two options nudging her to choose the latter : learn to swim or accompany her on a gold shopping expedition. Join Ankita and Ayesha as they explore the significance and impact of the comment. Did Ayesha choose learning to swim or the gold? Tune in to find out. Support the show

Send us Fan MailDid you get pushed into learning to cook by your mother? Or more specifically - can you boil a cup of chai to an Indian mother's perfect standard? Ankita decided to never perfect the art; as a way of daily rebellion against the absurd traditional connection of cooking and being "marriageable" . What pushed her otherwise modern, working, supportive mother into jokingly repeating that her daughter couldn't get married if she didn't learn how to make tea?Tune in as Ankita & Nalini chat about the role of tea in South Asian marriages and why Ankita is yet to learn how to make tea. Do you have your own prickly views to share on the topic? Tell us what your daily rebellion is, on our private FB community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/296365129710350Support the show

Send us Fan MailMothers are the first influencers in our life. Almost everyone we meet quotes their mother as a role model or has their mother to thank for shaping the person they are. But what happens when the mother's love for stability is not in line with her daughter's innate free spirit? Should the daughter stay true to herself or fulfil the wishes of her carer, mother and guide? Join Ankita & Nalini as they chat about what Nalini's mother said about her career and life choices, the impact on her life and what she wished her mom had said instead. Do you have your own prickly views to share on the topic? Tell us what your daily rebellion is, on our private FB community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/296365129710350Support the show

Send us Fan MailHave you ever wondered why some brown women can stand up to norms and stereotypes more easily than the rest of us? We call them prickly women! Is prickliness inherent or inherited, can you build the prickly muscle to be able to achieve your goals more easily, where do you lie on the prickly meter? Join Ankita and Nalini, your prickly peers, as they talk to uninhibited brown women all over the world in a quest to find the secret brown sauce for their courage, success and happiness.Support the show