Reclaiming the Gentle Man
by Dave Lishansky
Reclaiming the Gentle Man is for those seeking to better understand the men in their lives, for men ready to reclaim their relationships, and for all who are ready to transform the ways we show up to love. Listen to move beyond looping conflicts that never end, to stop allowing old stories to define our partnerships, and to avoid letting our trauma run the show. This is a revolution of deepening connection. Join host Dave Lishansky and explore how to create lasting intimacy through more courageous love, brilliant presence, and willingness to step toward each other—especially when it’s hard.
Episodes
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Ep. 71 - The Matter of Sex
DISCLAIMER: There is so much more to say about this topic! But for now, I wanted to offer a perspective that I think is maybe misunderstood, underrepresented or too easily dismissed about sex... That maybe we should wait a little more. Let our bodies acclimate a little more before rushing into...
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Ep. 70 - The Secret to Being Loved the Way You Want
What if the secret to being loved the way you want begins with how you love yourself? When hurt turns into resentment, we can lose sight of the connection we're longing for. Learning to meet our own emotions with compassion can change how we show up for our partners—and how they show up for us....
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Ep. 69 - Your Relationship Needs You to Have Friends
What happens when your partner becomes your best friend… and eventually, your only friend? In this episode, we talk about why friendships outside our romantic relationships matter so much—not only for our own growth, but for the health of the relationship itself. Because your partner cannot be…
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Ep. 68 - Reparenting Yourself with Ryan Ginn
Today on the podcast, I’m sharing a conversation with one of my teachers and mentors, Ryan Ginn—a man who has held deep space for me in men’s circles and helped me learn some of the most powerful tools I now use in my own coaching. Ryan is a therapist, coach, and men’s work facilitator. I’ve...
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Ep. 67 - Getting Out of Conflict Gridlock
If you’re in gridlock, it probably feels like you’ve tried everything. You’ve explained yourself. You’ve argued your point. Maybe you’ve even gone to therapy. And still, somehow, you end up right back in the same place. This episode explores a way out you probably haven’t tried, because sometimes...
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Ep. 66 - Are Your Partner’s Emotions Creating a Toxic Environment?
When your partner’s anger, sadness, anxiety, or frustration fills the room, it can be easy to decide that their emotions are the problem. In this episode, we explore how our relationships expose the emotions we have the hardest time being with, why discomfort and toxicity aren’t necessarily the...
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Ep. 65 - 5 Reflections for Reigniting Your Marriage
On my way to officiate the wedding of two dear friends and coaching clients, I found myself reflecting on what officiating weddings, coaching couples, and being in a committed relationship myself have taught me about sustaining love. For more practical resources for having the hard conversations...
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Ep. 64 - Have You Developed Your Capacity for Attraction?
What happens when you deeply love your partner—but you’re not sure where your attraction to them has gone? Or maybe you’re on the other side of that question: lying next to someone you love, wondering if they still desire you the way they once did. We tend to treat attraction like a binary:...
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Ep. 63 - Crossing the Threshold That Scares You, with Jose Alejandro
Maybe you've read the books and you've sat in the circles. Maybe you've done the ceremony, maybe more than one. And somewhere underneath all of it there's still a version of you running the show... the one who needs to be seen, who's still looking for a father figure in every teacher he finds,...
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Ep. 62 - Can We Change Inside a Relationship?
You've had the conversation. You named the pattern, you saw where it came from, and for a few days it felt like something moved. Then it happened again. Same fight, same shutdown, same apology that sounded right and changed nothing. Somewhere along the way we started treating insight as the…
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Ep. 61 - My Interview on Unblock Your BS
This is a re-air of a conversation I had with Tara on her podcast, Unblock Your BS. Thank you to Tara and her team for the permission to share it here in my feed. I think this episode gives a lot more detail into my thoughts on a number of different topics — and into my own story as well. Follow...
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Ep. 60 - The Most Important Responsibility in a Relationship
There's something just about everyone does in a relationship that feels totally innocent and fair, but which causes more harm to your connection than almost anything else. In this episode, we start with a couple stuck in a familiar pattern: he feels like he's carrying everything, and when she…
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Ep. 59 - You're Supposed to Be Bad at This
None of us come into relationships knowing how to love well, and the gap between not knowing and knowing feels existential when it's love on the line — which is exactly why tiny arguments blow up. Drawing on Dr. Becky Kennedy's framing of resilience as tolerance for that gap, we get into why the...
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Ep. 58 - Why You Feel Nothing When You Try to Feel with Parm Bains
In this episode, we get into how the questions we often begin with when we start to do the work can lead us to dead ends, and how and why the mind hijacks your inner work by turning it into performance. My guest Parm Bains is a brilliant coach. In this episode, he shares his own story about…
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Ep. 57 - The Escape Hatch That's Prolonging Every Fight
Most of us were taught that great communication is the foundation of a great relationship. But that idea has a shadow side nobody talks about — and it's making your fights longer, harder, and more damaging than they need to be. In this episode, we name the hidden expectation that turns a solvable...
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Ep. 56 - When the Honeymoon Phase Ends
We've all heard the old story about the honeymoon phase — the spark fades, the attraction cools, and what's left is companionship if you're lucky. This episode flips that. What if the end of the honeymoon phase isn't a slide into boredom, but an invitation into the relationship you've actually…
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Ep. 18 - The Nice Guy Problem (Re-Air)
Most of us were never taught that being nice could be the problem. In this episode, we get underneath one of the most common — and most invisible — patterns men carry into their closest relationships: the nice guy default. Not cruelty, not neglect, but something harder to see. A performance of...
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Ep. 55 - Failure, Critics, and Self-Worth
The man you are isn't only defined by how you hold it together when your back is up against the wall. It's also defined by how you come back after you've failed — how you repair, take accountability, and make right with the people you've hurt. The man we measure ourselves against? He's in the...
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Ep. 54 - Fawning to Self-Respect (Your Reconnection Code, Part 5)
This is the final episode in a five-part series on the patterns that quietly wreck our relationships from the inside. This episode is about fawning. The pattern where we absorb, accommodate, and apologize our way through conflict — not out of genuine accountability, but out of a need to make the...
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Ep. 53 - Fixing to Attuning (Your Reconnection Code, Part 4)
There's a viral video that's been around for years — a woman with a literal nail in her forehead, her partner trying to point it out, her insisting it's not about the nail. A lot of men have felt deeply seen by it. In this episode we get underneath why. Why the urge to fix runs so deep in us…
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Ep. 52 - Defensiveness to Understanding (Your Reconnection Code, Part 3)
Most of us have been called defensive at some point. And most of us, when it happens, are pretty sure we have a good reason. In this episode, we look at what's actually happening underneath the defense — what we're protecting, why it feels so necessary in the moment, and what it costs us in the...
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Ep. 51 - Avoiding to Accountability (Your Reconnection Code, Part 2)
This is part 2 of a 5-part series on the disconnection patterns — the tendencies that turn small moments into full-blown conflict. In this episode we get into what avoiding actually is, how it differs from suppressing, and why it tends to be the most damaging of the five. We talk about the man…
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Ep. 50 - Suppression to Ownership (Your Reconnection Code, Part 1)
Most men learned the same lesson early: stay strong, don't burden anyone, deal with it inside. And for a while, that strategy works — until it doesn't. This episode kicks off a five-part series on the patterns that get in the way of connection in committed relationships, starting with suppression…
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Ep. 49 - What Did We Expect?
This week's episode is not about the men in the headlines, but all of us. This is what happens when men spend their lives hiding the most intimate parts of themselves, and it's a map for what we can do to shepherd in a better future. LINKS: The Map to Pain-Free Conflict:...
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Ep. 48 - This Will Save You 5 Years of Therapy
What's happening when we're giving everything we possibly can, and it still doesn't feel like enough? Often, it's not a relationship problem. It's an inside job. Join my free workshop for men, The Map to Pain-Free Conflict: painfreeconflict.lovable.app Follow along on Instagram: @dave_lishansky
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Ep. 47 - Keep Warm By the Fire of Your Fear
Fear often runs relationships without our even knowing it. If you're finding yourself procrastinating on the hard conversation, on taking action toward the things you most want to do, need to do, have been called to do… then this is for you. Free workshop — April 11 & 14 Join Dave for a free live...
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Ep. 46 - The Myth of Easy
Every man in a hard moment has had the fantasy: a partner who just… goes easy on him. Who doesn't ask so much. Who forgives quickly and doesn't bring her own hard days to the table when he's already running on empty. Maybe it's a softer version of the woman he's with. Maybe it's someone else...
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Ep. 45 - Step Up to the Plate
Most men learned to armor up long before their first relationship. And most don't realize they're still wearing it. In this episode, we explore the difference between listening and defending — and why presence, not performance, is what love actually asks of us. Join the free virtual workshop The...
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Ep. 44 - When Grit Becomes Armor
Grit helps men endure, achieve, and carry weight. But when it becomes armor, it can cost us intimacy, honesty, and connection. In this episode, Dave explores the hidden relational cost of grit — and why real strength includes knowing when to soften. Listen at davelishansky.com Follow on…
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Ep. 43 - Are Men Ready for What's Coming?
Men are being sold a lot of ideas about strength right now. But not all of them lead to truth, trust, or real growth. In this episode, we explore what the future holds for men seeking to grow, what to watch out for in modern men’s work, and what actually will prepare us for what’s ahead. Learn…
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Ep. 42 - The Fastest Way to End an Argument
If you’re someone who reads relationship books, listens to podcasts, or spends time trying to become a better partner, you probably carry a lot of good advice in your head. Advice about communication. Boundaries. Accountability. Attachment styles. And while all of that learning can be valuable,...
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Ep. 41 - Burn the Ledger
It’s easy to look at a relationship — yours or someone else’s — and diagnose what’s wrong. He’s too passive. She’s too demanding. He doesn’t step up. She never trusts. We’re quick to name the flaws. Quick to decide what the dynamic is. Quick to predict how it will end. But what if most of what we...
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Ep. 40 - Stop Missing the Invitation in Your Biggest Relationship Challenges
Your relationship challenges are not random. They are invitations. Not invitations to try harder. Not invitations to perform better. Invitations to stop performing love. To unravel the early programming shaping your reactions. To become steady enough to meet your partner without fear, shame, or…
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Ep. 39 - Her Forgiveness Won’t Fix It
Relationships aren’t easy. It’s easy to say that from the outside. When you’re tired, misunderstood, and feeling like no matter what you do though… it’s not enough to just know that. When conflict hits, most of us don’t consciously choose how we respond. We defend. We over-explain. We push past…
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Ep. 38 - Fire Needs Oxygen: What Most Men Are Missing
What if the thing your relationship needs most… can’t happen inside the relationship itself? In this episode, we'll explore the most important action we can all take right now — especially in a world that feels chaotic, polarized, and overwhelming. This isn’t a silver bullet, but it is an...
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Ep. 37 - Change, Growth, and Belonging — and the Real Role of Therapy (with Leila Gail)
Therapy is often talked about like a solution. But therapy doesn’t fix you. And it doesn’t do the work for you. In this episode, I sat down with therapist Leila Gail to explore what therapy actually offers — and what it truly takes for real change to happen. This conversation goes far beyond...
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Ep. 36 - How to be trustworthy
What if trust isn’t built through grand gestures—but through one small moment of honesty, again and again? In this episode of Reclaiming the Gentle Man, we explore one of the most subtle—and damaging—ways trust erodes in relationships: saying “I’m fine” when you’re not. Most of us don’t do this…
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Ep. 35 - Why You Don’t Know What You Want
Many men struggle to answer a deceptively simple question: What do you want? In this episode, we explore how so many of us were raised with the “energy of not” — taught who not to be, what not to want, and how to stay small, agreeable, and unoffending. Focusing on what we don’t want — to happen…
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Ep. 34 - The Relationships Most Men Don’t Have — But Need
We all have some kinds of relationship — partners, friends, colleagues — yet few are relationships where we can fully let our guard down without losing connection. In this episode of Reclaiming the Gentle Man, we explore the kinds of relationships that allow you to resign your composure, express...
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Ep. 33 - When Your Relationship Becomes Your Only Community
Most men don’t choose isolation. It happens quietly—inside commitment. As relationships deepen, friendships often fade and community shrinks. And before we realize it, our partner becomes the only place we go with our wins, our losses, our fear, our collapse. That’s not romance. That’s too much...
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Ep. 32 - Stop Playing the Hero
Many men are drawn to the warrior archetype without realizing we’re actually living out its less mature version — the “hero.” When the hero runs the show, our relationships quietly turn into a stage where we’re seeking recognition for effort, sacrifice, or being “good.” We’re not trying to...
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Ep. 31 - Why She Feels Alone — Even When You’re Doing Everything Right
Most men who identify as “nice,” “good,” or deeply supportive don't recognize the pattern running beneath their most intimate relationships. You try to help. You hold space. You soothe. You try to be steady. And despite all that effort… your partner still feels alone. In this episode, we talk…
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Ep. 30 - Self-Worth: The Story That Decides Your Life
Most people assume self-worth grows out of achievement, confidence, or competence. In this episode, we question that assumption — because those markers often operate more like protection than proof of inner value. You can be successful, reliable, even deeply caring — and still be driven by old...
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Ep. 29 - The Bachelor Party That Got Me Ready For Marriage
Most bachelor parties distract men from the weight of what they’re stepping into. Mine did the opposite — it cleared space in me so I could more fully show up for my wedding. The night before my marriage, I gathered eight men I trust for a circle on an empty beach. I don’t think I could have…
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Ep. 28 - The Secret to Keeping the Spark Alive
When you look in the relational mirror and decide whether you’re ready to choose your partner — or choose yourself — what actually happens? We’ve become too comfortable with committed relationships that lack devotion. In this episode, you’ll learn how to bring devotion back into your partnership...
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RE-AIR: Ep. 13 - Befriend Your Ego
While Vanna and I are off for our wedding and mini-moon, I'm rebroadcasting a favorite episode from this past summer. This is for you if you struggle with burnout from being “the good guy,” feel like you have to prove your worth all the time, or question whether you’re even allowed to take up...
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Ep. 27 - A Moment In Time
A letter to myself 10 years ago, when I first committed to the woman I'm about to marry. Mentioned in this episode: – Join the free workshop Letting Love In — a live virtual experience for anyone ready to create deeper, safer connection in their relationships. Reserve your spot →...
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Ep. 26 - What Happens When You Stop Resisting Your Emotions
What if the emotions you’ve spent years avoiding are the very doorway to your freedom? In this episode, we explore what happens when you stop resisting your emotions, and how to even begin to do that. For many of us, emotional resistance started as a form of protection. We learned that grief was...
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Ep. 25 - How to Stop Abandoning Yourself
There’s one skill that underlies all lasting growth, healing, and transformation — and so many people miss it. Whether you’ve been in therapy, coaching, or men’s work, this practice might be the piece that changes everything. In this episode, we explore why so many of us have stopped trusting our...
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Ep. 24 - Alchemizing Shame in the Age of Judgment
Judgment is how shame hides. It’s the quiet voice that condenses the world into right and wrong... and keeps us from seeing what’s really happening inside. So what if judgment became a doorway? What if every moment you wanted to turn away was actually an invitation to wake up, to know yourself…
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About this show
Reclaiming the Gentle Man is for those seeking to better understand the men in their lives, for men ready to reclaim their relationships, and for all who are ready to transform the ways we show up to love. Listen to move beyond looping conflicts that never end, to stop allowing old stories to define our partnerships, and to avoid letting our trauma run the show. This is a revolution of deepening connection. Join host Dave Lishansky and explore how to create lasting intimacy through more courageous love, brilliant presence, and willingness to step toward each other—especially when it’s hard.
Hosted by
Dave Lishansky
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