PODCAST · comedy
Regular Features
by Regular Features
Steve, Log, Joe, Matt and Gav present the podcast that's the same every week
Episodes
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626: Sticky Stocky Big Boys
Hello and welcome back to Regular Features, the only podcast where the hosts stop existing as soon as you stop listening. Thank you for making us alive again. In this episode, Log tries to please a bee but falls foul of his Boys. Steve is down the stock saloon with an ace up his spittoon. And Gav...
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625: The Baby Shufflin' Queen
Despite all my rage, my big buck-teeth, long pink tail, short lifespan and biological similarity to human physiology, it turns out that I'm still just a rat in a cage. Bloody typical! You couldn't make it up! In this episode, Joe fixes pubs, Steve issues a solemn public health warning, and Queen...
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624: Why You So Nasty, Your Honour?
You know what really sucks when you're the hunter? Becoming the hunted. It's basically the last thing you want to happen when you're the hunter. Ideally you want to remain the hunter for at least the duration of the hunt. If you, as the hunter, become the hunted, it's not good. In this episode…
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623: Murky Dismal's Jizz Baptismal
Sing when you're winning. Dance when you're losing. Scream if it's a draw or, like, extra time or something. Twirl when you're being chased out of the bingo hall. And laugh, my son. Always never stop laughing. It's what your uncle would have wanted. Oh if he could see you now. In this episode…
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622: Anthony Pit Pig is Off to the World Cup
Arms up, pits out, get my stinkies in your snout. When you're full and set to burst, boy you've got that pit pig curse. In this episode, Gav is wounded by an Welsh icon's betrayal, Log's short stories go head to head, and Steve unclogs his backed up featurehole.
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621: Avian Scandal at the Filthy Cafe
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but have you heard about what birds are doing to themselves? Do you want that going on in your hand? If you close your fist, you don't know what's happening in there, that bird could be up to all sorts, and you wouldn't know. That's why they call it...
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620: Sack My Robot Daughter
They really buried the lede with "Jack and the Bean Stalk". Yeah sure it's an impressive stalk, but hello, there's an actual giant man who lives in a cloud castle on top of the world?? Should have called it "Jack and the Giants Are Real and They Are Squatting in A Violent Heaven Forsaken By God"....
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619: Ape. Goblin. Horse. In That Order.
Joe can't stand the attention a 100 year-old is getting. Matt can't stand up, because his microphone is simply too low. Log can't stand down from his duty to inform you about horsebook.
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618: A1(M) Syndrome
Are YOU afraid of Paris? Are YOU afraid of the A1(M)? Are YOU afraid of poorly executed jingle work? Well don't YOU have fat luck, because this episode is going to cause you to faint, die, come back to life, and then die again when you remember what just happened. "Gregorian Chant" Kevin MacLeod...
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617: A Big Ol' Mind Flush
This week Log discovers audio books, Steve's had a camera up his arse and Gav could do with a camera in his brain. DISCLAIMER: the hosts of Regular Features are NOT doctors so please don't listen to their medical advice no matter how adamant they are that you DO listen to it.
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616: Scream If You Want Bill Oddie's Tubby Toast
What's that in your mouth? Drop it! Give it here. Oh, it's an episode of the Regular Features podcast. In this one, Log gives Bill Oddie his flowers, Joe treats us to a day in the life of a ghost-face killer, and Steve shares his numerous gripes of which there are loads actually.
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615: Robot Uncle Merkel Carer
This episode of Regular Features is funded in part by the British Associate of Uncles (BAU), because if it's not your mother's brother, well what the hell are we even doing here. In this one, Joe's got robot hoover problems, Log wants to know who's gonna push him around in his wheelbarrow when…
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614: Quiet Little Trash Boy
Hello this is the news. In the past hour United Nations has announced that we have flopped through a temporal squirmhole into the rotten Time Dimension, and that we had better get used to living under the autocratic regime of supreme leader Doctor Time and his dope calendars. In this episode of…
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613: Lumps, and the Men Who Have Them
To listen to this podcast, you must solve a riddle: What goes on four feet in the morning, two feet at noon, and three feet in the evening? Stumped? The answer is that it is a dog who, just before 12pm, decides to pretend to be a human so that it can buy cigarettes. Later that day, it hardens one...
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612: The Ramblemas 2026
2026! The future! What will it bring? Cool-ass sunglasses probably?? According to the thumbnail of this podcast - yes! But also, here's another edition of our RAMBLEMAS tradition where we record solo features and whack em all together like a podcast frankenstein.
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611: Krangle's Secret Foot Thing
Yuletide, I'll tide, we'll all tide, for yuletide. That's the Regular Features promise to you, on this, the most Jesus day of the Formula 1 race calendar. On this day in 1952, our lord and saviour got born out of a forgotten easter egg in Bethlehem. And lo did he look upon his flock and say...
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610: Bees Behaving Badly
This one was recorded in person so we got 1. very excited and 2. very naughty. No presents for us this year hahahahahdds
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609: The Four Elements - Bees, Horses, Eggs, Crabs
I'm sick! I'm so sick! I'm being sick! *BLUUURGH* I just vomited out Joe's will! *BAAAAARF* Oh, out comes some Google reviews Steve saw! *GLOOORP* And that's Log's dog walk adventures. I think it's all out now, I think I'm OK now- *GAAAAAARP*
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608: The Buerk Ultimatum
In this episode, something's got under Steve's skin, something's got out of Log's bottom, and something's threatening to explode in Joe's mouth. It's very much a "well that's certainly something" kind of an episode. And will we apologise for that? Yes, actually. Sorry. "Prelude in C" / "Unseen...
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607: Scan My Secret Big Boy
Do you think Pliny the Elder and Pliny the Younger ever had a magic act where Pliny the Elder would climb into a big wooden box with whatever the Latin is for "PLINY THE ELDER'S DE-AGING DEVICE" written on it. Then Pliny the Younger would jump out of the box and say "behold, it is I, Pliny the...
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606: Slinging Fish on the Beach
I really have to encourage you to listen to this, because Log makes a whimsical guess during the second feature and it's honestly astonishing stuff. Elsewhere, Joe gets into advertising (again), Matt's been watching strangers on the beach (again), and Log regales us with tales from the life of…
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605 - Money, Speed And Scandal
When she saw me running backwards and forwards and getting confused, shouting "oh no I can't organise my thoughts because I'm running backwards and forwards and getting confused", my grandmother used to put a hand on my shoulder and say "more haste, less speed". I looked her square in the eye and...
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604: Normal Irishmen in the Microwave
Oh my goodness, you STINK. Get in the bath immediately. I cannot BELIEVE how often I have to scrub the stink off of you in this bath. Urgh, first I need to scrape off this outer layer of Gavin, who has clearly been equating figures of Irish renown with NFL offensive positions. Oh, and what do we...
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603: The Bus That Couldn't Remember His Name
Take a little pinch of Regular, and a heaped teaspoon of Features. Pre-heat the oven. Sorry I was supposed to tell you to do that first. Unpinch the Regular and tip the Features back into the Feature Scuttle. Now that your hands are free, pre-heat the oven. Okay. Now you can repinch the Regular,...
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602: Rocky DCII SUBTITLE Freezin' My Dolemites Off
Oh, it's a bad day to be a dolemite! But possibly a good day if you're a children's book or someone called "Rocky Balboa".
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601: Proud Beethoven Chairs
Welcome back to Britain's LEAST acclaimed podcast. It's Regular Features, gab nab it, and it's the only podcast on the web as far we know. In this episode, Steve has an update from the British Podcast Awards. Log measures our pride with a capital pee. And Matt talks about chairs for what seems…
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600: A Normal Hot NIght
We can't believe we're the first ever podcast to reach Episode 600. Feels a bit weird tbh. But thank YOU, dear readers, for supporting us all these years and for keeping this runaway train of nonsense chugging along and stocked up with coal. (the coal is likes and iTunes reviews and the track is...
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599: Scandalous Bird House
Whaaah it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm sure. Who me? Whah ah am the most readily scandalised debutante in all of Mississippi. A single nod from a brute would be enough to butter my teacakes and make my shadow scurry up my garters, ahhh doooo believe. Ahh rahhllyy achsually dooooo…
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598: Luton Candy Pig
Open wide, it's time for podcasts. In this episode, Joe recounts the story of a man who drove his car into where a multi-storey car park wasn't, Steve invites us on a tour of Candyman's factory, and Log lists the animals of his local city farm that have displeased him.
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597: The Uncles and Birds Special
Whether you're looking for the hottest new magpie or the latest dad's brother, the Regular Features podcast is your one stop shop for all things birds AND uncles. So come on down to this episode. The uncles and birds are waiting... for you?? In this episode, Joe shows off his criminal underbelly....
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596: Ryan Coogler Bebop Bugler
Hello and welcome to the only podcast that is "Regular Features". In this episode, Joe samples forbidden chlorinated delicacies of the new world, Ryan Coogler bugles his way into and out of yet another scrape, and Steve wonders what if Bebop out of Ninja Turtles wound up Pope.
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595: Galactic Pantry Mystic Murder
Welcome back to the Regular Features podcast, the only podcast that enters your dreams every night to chase you around a big hedge maze. And when you wake up there are hedge clippings under your pillow. And when you shake your husband awake to tell him about the dream, he has OUR faces. Dream...
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594: Big Smoky Porcupines Hit Tinkletown
It's another quiet day in the Regular Features stock market today, and OH MY GOD THE FEATURES INDEX IS CRASHING. Put in a big buy order for Log talking about Tinkletown! Sell your stocks in Pope futures, because Joe's lifting the lid on a smoky secret! And whatever you do, hold onto your animal...
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593: Eighty Litre Grief Hole
Mmm, we have just baked a delicious episode. Now to leave it cooling on the windowsill with all delicious smell lines coming out of it. We hope there are no hungry readers hiding in our begonias. HEY. In this SPECIAL two-boy episode, Joe attempts to decipher a cryptic feature idea from his notes...
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592: BAFTA The Future
This week we preview the 2025 Video Games BAFTA Awards one whole week after they've been announced. How did we manage such a time-bending feat? We're not quite sure ourselves.
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591: Bingo Bango, It's the Double Twoboy Tango
Four podcasters, two pairings, one episode. Joe and Gav face off against Matt and Log in a barely conceived concept episode. Do not adjust your set, because your set doesn't control podcasts.
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590: Spider Gobblin' Flamingos
In this episode, Log is up for a BAFTA, which looks like you're SHOUTING it because it's an ACRONYM. For the sake of making each of our features sound equally prestigious: Steve is talking about EARWAX, and Joe suspects somebody might be trying to MURDER the inventor of the SAXOPHONE. OKAY?
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589: Snins of Our Features
Hi, I'm Joe Skrebels. I just want you to know that I downloaded the public domain image used as art for this episode of the podcast before I realised it looked like me on that sled. I want to make it very clear that I did not teleport back to the 1930s for a photoshoot that I could use as podcast...
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588: Rock vs Electric
Welcome to Regular Features, the only podcast that's been clinically proven to be both big AND clever. In this week's episode, teenage Steve gets a visit from The Rock out of Wrestling, Matt intrudes into the personal doings of a Pikachu, and Log designs his own cash register, or "till", as in…
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587: Mavis Beacon Teaches Bonka Bonka
Are you a victim of shiny ham? Did you think it was like shiny beef (which is fine), ate it, and your hands fell off? Then are we the legal team for you! We will personally sue the pig who produced your ham that went shiny. If they're already dead, we'll sue their piglets. We will get you your...
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586: Goosegate Horsefly
Hello, my name is Betty Boop, the owner of the Regular Features podcast. I am 95 years old but still as sprightly as a bag of Tennessee pickles. Teehee. Anyway it is my pleasure to welcome you to another episode I suppose. In this one, Steve's still on about aeroplanes for some reason, Log...
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585: Three Better Men
This week Bobby Williams' monkey movie has a grip on the Regular Features boys however one of the lads refuses to be caught up in the zeitgeist and has done a feature about Family Fortunes or summin'. This episode of the podcast is dediated to Twins director David Lynch.
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584: Whooping Hoof Heraldry
New year, new you? No! Old year, OLD YOU. Open up those earholes and let us slither on in again, like you always do. Change is for the weak. Continuing to listen to Regular Features is strength. Phwoar. Look at you. Have you been working out. In this episode, Joe's got hoofs on the baize, Steve's...
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583: The Rambuary Spectacular
This year instead of our annual Ramblemas Special, we bring you the inaugural Regular Features Rambuary Spectacular.
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582: It's a Box of Oats
Come and get your oats, mother. I have prepared the oats for thee. They are in the garage, mother. I have set the oats on the floor, behind the Citroen. Pay no heed to the engine noise, mama. Consume the oats and be satisfied. Oh mother, it is dark behind the Citroen. Allow me to illuminate your...
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581: It's Oat So Quiet
I'm uploading this from America, which means that you should now be seeing Coca-Cola streaming from the USB port of your phone. That's free Coca-Cola, so don't miss out. It's going in your shoe! It's going in your shoe!! You got Coca-Cola shoe!!! That's not our fault. Get a glass, now, make the...
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580: Well, Well, Well.
This week Joe has a bone to pick with Gav and it's nothing to do with the fact that Gav saw King Charles the other day and didn't spit at him. Matt also invites you to enjoy a game show he's made about a well. Like what the title and the artwork are on about.
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579: Tostada Toilet Playground Cats
Hello, this is an episode Regular Features. Please remain seated until your group number is called. In this episode, Log's friend Wolf Blitzer dispenses with his unruly cats. Matt dispenses playground justice. Steve dispenses a helicopter into a mountain. Joe dispenses a lost Elvis Presley...
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578: Fresh Prince of Hilaire
In this episode, Log gets a cease and knock-it-off from the estate of a former member of house of the England parliament of the member of the right honourable house of members of the house... in Britain! And Steve's friend has been rubbing shoulders with stars on a barge. Barge stars! Legal...
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577: Wicker Enya Nessun Dorma
Horpen up your gorp and slorp it orp, friend, it's a new episode of Regular Features, the podcast that just won't stop. If we stop doing it, we die! In this episode, Steve experiences a sensory deprivation tank. Log's friend visits a mysterious horny island. And Joe translates opera for our...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Steve, Log, Joe, Matt and Gav present the podcast that's the same every week
HOSTED BY
Regular Features
CATEGORIES
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Regular Features have?
Regular Features currently has 500 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Regular Features about?
Steve, Log, Joe, Matt and Gav present the podcast that's the same every week
How often does Regular Features release new episodes?
Regular Features publishes regularly with 500 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Regular Features?
You can listen to Regular Features on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Regular Features?
Regular Features is created and hosted by Regular Features.
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