SECOND CLOCK™

My friend posed a question to me: "Sometimes I wonder if I am squandering my best years, or should I say my best Last years. Should I be out living a more exciting life, taking advantage of this time, the little youth I have left, by having fun?"And then came my re-frame, in the form of this episode.

Most of us can name a few singers/ songwriters that we relate to and for me it is Sara Bareilles. I started rethinking of her and her music when my ex mentioned that now he listens and loves her music too. This was a curious thing to learn because I can't recall him taking much interest in what I loved and now he was. While he was telling me about his new appreciation for her music I started to think back to a recent memory I had that related to her music. And then my mind wandered on to the people's potential and ideas we have of others.

How could this have happened is a common phrase I hear at work but when I started hearing it among friends, that is when I took notice. What is about other people's actions that make us think that we are not a part in how things happen? Of course, there are some situations where sadly, this is the case but for many situations, we see the signs, we stay too long and then we get hurt.

Work, work, work - it can be so consuming at times. It can change you. It can alter the way you sleep, think, relate and even take care of yourself. I found pressing deadlines changing me and although I used to be good with riding these all encompassing work waves, now I was not ok with what I had to give up.

After talking to different people I now wonder if how we show up in relationships is based with how we grow up and how many times we move to new schools.

What lies between Loyalty and Betrayal - Trust .But before you can trust other you have to be able to trust yourself or you will find yourself going along for the ride.

Trips throw us into different environments and for some of us we resist, bringing our old ways to a new landscape, and then for others - we adapt and leave changed.

A look back on my first solo trip and what I learned along the way.

For some of us it is easy to look out for ourselves and indulge and for others it comes with time and practice. So I gave myself permission to try and enjoy!

A few seasons back I started to shed being a people pleaser and now that that people pleasing side of me is becoming my past I thought it would be good to take another look at what it is to be a "people pleaser" and how to say goodbye to conditioned behavior.

We carry a heaviness or a lightness into conversations, into how we are perceived and experienced. What happens when you want to ditch the heaviness and experience what it is to have the lightness of being?

People worry so much about things, situations and what other people think - what if we did not need to? I worked to release all the ideas around people caring or not caring and accept that it is ok if they don't. Maybe it is even freeing.

They say people only change if they want to - so when I came to an impasse I chose to change. That kicked off many changes. Change does not need to be daunting, it can be done slowly. Through motivation, showing up for yourself, and taking small steps in the new direction you will find discipline to better yourself or choose better for yousrelf.

This Valentine's Day I was thinking about a different love to celebrate, Self Love. For a lot of us, it is hard to stop and take the time to check-in with ourselves. Make sure that the things we are doing, the situations and relationships we are in are right for us. So I took a look back at my younger self, my friend's recent dissolving of a relationship and my indulgence in self love. Poem credit: After a While - Veronica A. Shoffstall

One minute things are calm and still and the next minute the phone rings and your peace is up-ended. After that call you are left uncomfortable, anxious even and left feeling dysregulated. Here are some stories and how I found my way out.

What happens when you have given to all, your work, your family and your relationships, well you may find yourself, like me, reaching the last stop - Emotional burnout.

When over-investing and showing up, in all ways, costs you.

The more relationships you get in and get out of the more patterns start to show. You see what it takes to keep something going or what you gave to get and it becomes clear and so does the cost of these connections. From this you realize what matters to you.

When you ask yourself "What do you want, really" you have to accept what your life is, what it isn't and what you would have to try, change and walk away from to get what it is that you see for yourself.

What is your personal style? Have you given that much thought? I hadn't and then that changed.

What is your true nature, your essence? For some of us we always know it and for others, me included, we have to discover it through awareness and what feels right.

When you are in a toxic relationship or environment and you start to realize that wake up, what does that mean

Knowing that change is inevitable then what holds us back from accepting change? What if, when a lesson in a relationship or job has been learned we acknowledged what has been learned and then release the hold? That is where I find myself now.

What is it to be emotionally unavailable? Sometimes all it takes is being too invested in an outcome that will never be and the lack of awareness to let go.

When I got let go from my job it created a toxic time in my life. This experience would make me question how I could have let this happen and what I needed to make things right, for me.

There are certain people and experiences that test us and shape us, for the better. This is the story of my sister-in-law walk with cancer and me by her side.

What if our life is not about our purpose but instead is about the myriad of experiences that together form us and how we experience people and the world?So, with this idea in mind, I decided to accept what comes and even seek out experiences, including the embarrassing and the ridiculous. Here are a few of those stories. 

When you or a friend is caught up in a situation, I refer to that as being "In It". When I found my way out I tried to figure out how. In this episode I share my findings.

There are things we learn from our parents and there are ways we become like our parents. To understand myself, it starts with HER. My mother.

I do not remember when I lost the desire to say NO and started saying YES instead. As I settle into my forties I hear NO knocking and the journey I began to reclaim my NO.

It is hard to know what someone wants and what will fulfill their needs but after an unusual conversation I was left seeing relationships for what they are.

Have you thought about your love language and others? Most people would say, "not really." So I decided to spend some time getting to know them all and report back on what I learned.

After 30 years of receiving gifts poorly, one gift would shift my thinking to acceptance.

Life happens and how we handle the things that come at us comes down to our actions. So I started to just breathe.

A chance encounter made me realize that I no longer just thought differently... I now felt differently and was different. It was time.

What if you could remove the questioning of WHY and the wishes that come with SHOULD and by doing both you shed the victim story? That is what I experimented with.

When the stories we tell ourselves hold us back, and how to let go.

When fitting in becomes harder than standing out.

When I realized that not everyone is a giver I found new ways to understand, accept and navigate the takers.

How do the stories we tell ourselves drive our thoughts and our decision making and what if they didn't?

What If we removed the word SHOULD from our vocabulary, from our thoughts and accepted what IS? I did this experiment and I found it equally freeing and confusing. All these SHOULDS keep us comparing, hoping, expecting and held back.

When it is time to walk away from old limiting beliefs and navigating relationships and work differently.

By taking a look at what you believe in now versus when you are young you can work to shedding what doen't serve you.

There are times in our lives when we may want to be invisible, but during our marriage should not be the time. But, what happens when you find yourself there? What next?

What if your life could look different by taking one step in the direction of different? Some people dream and then stay stuck, and some people live their What If's and find out

What If you made the choice to start to think differently?I did just that and I started to feel differently and then I became different.

If you have expectations then you can expect disappointment. My look at what expectations bring.

If I could share this with my mom, and knew that she would take it in, understand my side, my experience, I would share it with her, however this is not the case. So instead, this is for all the children of alcoholics, and all the children that have tried to be heard but their messages were not received.

Learning how to say goodbye to so many parts of us and our lives teaches how to accept and let go.

When slowing down is the best path forward.