The Angry Therapist Podcast

The house I grew up in is probably still living inside me. And the house you grew up in may still be living inside you, too. I’m recording from a diner in Mexico City and exploring one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves: What was the emotional climate of the home I grew up in? This conversation goes far beyond nostalgia or childhood memories. I explore how the emotional atmosphere we grew up in - whether it was chaotic, unpredictable, emotionally distant, performance-driven, or conflict-avoidant - can continue shaping our relationships, attachment patterns, self-worth, and nervous system responses decades later. Drawing from my own experiences and years of therapeutic work, I break down four types of emotionally immature parents and how growing up around these dynamics can wire us to become caretakers, perfectionists, conflict avoiders, or people who feel guilty for having needs at all. This isn’t about blaming our parents. It’s about understanding how those early experiences taught us to relate to ourselves. Because real adulthood begins when we learn how to become the safest place we’ve ever lived. In this episode: • Why the emotional climate of your childhood matters more than the physical house • The signs of an emotionally ruled parent • How hypervigilance can get mistaken for empathy • Why driven parents can unintentionally tie love to achievement • What passive parents can teach us about conflict and boundaries • How rejecting parents can create adults who apologize for existing • Why we often choose familiarity in relationships, not randomness • The connection between childhood emotional neglect and adult anxious attachment • What reparenting actually looks like in everyday life • The question I want you to ask yourself about the emotional climate you may still be carrying today 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, I’m answering the relationship and personal-growth questions we often think about but don’t always know how to ask. What does an emotionally safe relationship actually feel like? How do you know if you’re settling - or simply navigating the normal challenges of being with someone? When does a relationship push you toward growth, and when does it start pulling you away from yourself? I also get into how living in survival mode can shape the way we move through adulthood, why happiness can’t always be postponed until life finally looks the way we want it to, and what it means to build a life that feels more expansive than constricting. Healthy doesn’t mean easy. But the challenges in your life and relationships should ultimately help you become someone you recognize—and someone you actually like. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When is enough enough? What if the life you're chasing is based on someone else's definition of success? In this conversation, John Kim and Buddy Wakefield explore the difference between going wide and going deep, and why fulfillment may have less to do with fame, money, and recognition than we think. From poetry, Portugal, and Los Angeles to money, hope, and the pressure to constantly achieve more, this episode is a raw and honest reflection on potential, ambition, and what actually makes a life feel meaningful. In this episode, John and Buddy talk about: Whether potential really has to "go wide" How growing up in Los Angeles shaped John's definition of success Why Buddy's experience in Portugal changed the way he thinks about enough The difference between external recognition and meaningful impact What money can and cannot provide How hustle culture can keep you disconnected from the present moment Why Buddy is learning to welcome the word hope back into his life The small, ordinary moments that bring real happiness If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who has been measuring their worth by how wide they've gone instead of how deeply they've lived. Connect with Buddy: https://www.buddywakefield.com/ https://www.instagram.com/buddywakefield 🎙️ Connect with John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the biggest factor affecting your mental health isn’t what happens to you, but which container you’re paying attention to? In this personal check-in from Mexico City, I reflect on the difference between the macro container - the collective world of politics, climate change, technology, uncertainty, and fear - and the micro container - your relationships, work, family, community, and daily life. After losing my home in the Altadena fires and spending the last year rebuilding my life in a completely different way, I’ve been thinking a lot about how perspective, attention, and emotional frequency can shape the way we experience our circumstances. In this episode, I talk about: ● The difference between the macro world and the micro world ● How social media can keep us trapped in fear and hopelessness ● Why losing my home changed my perspective on time and possibility ● What travel has taught me about identity and freedom ● How surfing and beach life have helped me regulate my nervous system ● Why survival mode became my default for most of my life ● The question I’m asking myself: which container is shaping my frequency? If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who needs the reminder that while we can’t control the entire world, we can still shape the world immediately around us. 🎙️ Connect with me: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE My book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read my book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on my SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order my book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stop losing yourself to love. What if codependency isn't just about your relationships with other people, but your relationship with yourself? In this episode, John and Vanessa explore why recovering from codependency is really about building a stronger sense of identity. They explain how people pleasing, lacking boundaries, and fearing rejection can keep us disconnected from who we really are, and why choosing authenticity over self-abandonment is essential for healthier relationships. In this episode: • Why codependency recovery is really identity work • How people pleasing can become a way to avoid yourself • The connection between resentment, boundaries, and self-abandonment • Why some relationships change or end when you begin healing • The difference between healthy love and the version of love many of us were taught • How corrective experiences help you build a stronger relationship with yourself If you enjoyed this episode, follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🔗 Resources & Links 👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy 👉 Follow Vanessa on Instagram @vanessasbennett 👉 Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://shorturl.at/Thsny 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when life forces you to start over? In this personal check-in, John Kim reflects on the unexpected lessons that came from rebuilding his life after losing his home. From learning to surf at 53 to finding clarity through travel and stepping out of survival mode, this episode explores what it means to reconnect with yourself and embrace a different way of living. In this episode: • Why learning to surf became more than just a new hobby • How reconnecting with old parts of yourself can lead to real growth • The unexpected ways Costa Rica has reshaped his perspective on life • What travel has taught him about identity, home, and possibility • The difference between living in survival mode and living with intention • Why changing your environment can change the way you see yourself If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John and Vanessa answer listeners' questions about what healthy and unhealthy expectations are in dating, relationships, and marriage. 🔗 Resources & Links 👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy 👉 Follow Vanessa on Instagram @vanessasbennett 👉 Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What are you curious about these days? What if taking stock of what you're interested in, and what you're ready to leave behind, could reveal exactly where you're headed next? In this solo episode, John Kim shares a personal list of the ideas, experiences, and questions capturing his attention in this season of life, alongside the habits, mindsets, and patterns he's no longer interested in carrying. From curiosity and possibility to letting go of certainty and external validation, this conversation is an invitation to reflect on what's changing within you. In this episode: • Why curiosity has become more important than certainty • How strangers can become chosen family • The value of holding on loosely instead of gripping tightly • Letting go of validation, grudges, and winning arguments • Friending your demons instead of fighting them • Why defining what you're no longer interested in matters 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does it actually take to build healthy relationships? In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John Kim answers some of the most common questions about love, healing, attachment, and personal growth. From redefining what it means to fall in love to understanding why peace is something you give yourself - not something you find - this episode explores the inner work that shapes the way we connect with others. John shares practical insights on anxious attachment, healing after toxic relationships, rupture and repair, emotional safety, and why the healthiest relationships are built through daily choices rather than fleeting feelings. He also explores the importance of studying yourself, accepting impermanence, and living a "through me" life instead of feeling like life is happening to you. In this episode: • Why peace is something you can give yourself • What it means to live a "through me" life • Why self-help is really the lifelong study of self • How fear of impermanence fuels suffering • The qualities that should never be negotiable in relationships • The difference between falling in love and choosing to love • Signs you're in a healthy, secure relationship • Whether emotional attraction alone is enough • Why every relationship requires rupture and repair • Understanding anxious attachment when you're apart from your partner • How healthy relationships can help support emotional healing • What your nervous system needs after a toxic relationship • Two questions that can help guide your life and relationships 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this solo episode, John Kim shares a collection of personal notes written over coffee in Costa Rica, exploring what he's learning about wholeness, love, masculinity, ambition, and personal growth. Through honest reflections and stories, he challenges the idea that we need to keep proving ourselves and offers a different path rooted in presence, curiosity, and living more fully. In this episode: • Why the goal isn't balance, but wholeness • What it means to "feed the other wolf" • How healthy love can feel unfamiliar after chaos • Why life's "B-sides" often become the most meaningful chapters • How to break free from rumination and reconnect with the present • Why staying unfinished may be the key to continued growth If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, leave a review, and share it with someone who might need to hear it. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When sex changes after having a baby, what happens to the relationship? Becoming parents changes everything, including intimacy. In this episode, John Kim explores what happens when a new father feels disconnected while a new mother is navigating recovery, exhaustion, and the demands of caring for a newborn. He shares his own experience and explains why protecting the relationship is more important than trying to get back to "normal." In this episode: • Why intimacy often changes after having a baby • How empathy can replace resentment during the postpartum season • What it means to redefine sex, connection, and partnership • Why building a full life beyond sex matters for new fathers • How honest communication helps couples navigate this major transition • Why protecting the relationship creates space for intimacy to return If this episode resonates with you or someone you know who is navigating life after having a baby, share it with them. Follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, growth, and emotional health. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the promises we make in love are setting us up to fail? In this episode, John Kim is joined by his wife, Vanessa Bennett, to explore how redefining the promises we make in relationships could change the way we love. Instead of focusing on "forever," they discuss commitments rooted in personal growth, accountability, respect, and the willingness to keep doing the inner work, even when relationships evolve or come to an end. In this episode, you'll hear about: • Why "forever" may not be the healthiest relationship promise • How unspoken agreements contribute to betrayal and resentment • The importance of owning your own patterns and projections • Why love requires growth instead of staying the same • What it means to create corrective love experiences • How new promises can lead to healthier relationships If this conversation resonated with you, follow the podcast, share this episode with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help others discover the show. 🔗 Resources & Links 👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy 👉 Follow Vanessa on Instagram @vanessasbennett 👉 Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Curious about psychedelic medicine but unsure what it actually does? In this conversation, John Kim sits down with Sarah Williams to explore how medicines like MDMA and psilocybin can support healing, self-discovery, and personal growth when approached with intention, safety, and integration. Sarah shares her journey from her first ayahuasca experience to becoming a medicine guide, including the near-death experience on Denali that changed the course of her life. Together, they unpack why medicine isn't a shortcut to transformation, but a tool that can help people reconnect with themselves and create lasting change. In this episode: • Sarah's path into medicine work and what drew her to MDMA • Why integration matters more than expecting one ceremony to change your life • The lessons Sarah learned after surviving a life-threatening experience on Denali • How MDMA can help people access difficult emotions and conversations • The differences between macrodosing and microdosing • Why intention, safety, and the right support are essential John and Sarah also share details about their upcoming two-month microdosing program which you can find out about HERE Connect with Sarah: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sarahskyann Website: https://www.terraalinea.com 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John answers your questions about toxic relationships, emotional unavailability, sexting in committed relationships, why it's so hard to leave someone who hurts you, and the difference between being in love and being "in lost." He also shares practical advice on building self-trust, redefining what makes a good day, and what healthy masculinity looks like. Whether you're questioning your relationship, struggling to let go, or trying to build a healthier life, this episode offers honest reflections and practical perspectives to help you move forward. In this episode, John discusses: What to do if you discover your partner is sexting other people. How your partner's response after being confronted reveals everything. The difference between being in love and being "in lost." Why toxic relationships can feel impossible to leave. Emotional availability as the foundation of healthy relationships. Why both partners must do the inner work. How childhood experiences shape relationship patterns. One simple mindset shift that can improve your daily life. Why self-trust matters more than motivation. John's current definition of what it means to be a man. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the love you've been chasing was never meant to stay the same? In this episode, John Kim shares excerpts from his new book, Love Hard on Purpose, and explores how love evolves as we heal. He reflects on the difference between unhealthy, dopamine-driven relationships and the kind of love that challenges us to grow, repair, and become better versions of ourselves. In this episode: • Why love isn't just meant to make us happy, but to help us heal • The difference between healthy love and unhealthy love • How we confuse intensity with intimacy • Why conflict and repair are essential to lasting relationships • The journey from "drug love" to "medicine love" • A personal reflection on the "B-sides" of life that quietly shape who we become If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who could use the reminder that love can be a path to healing. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John Kim shares two practices that have had the biggest impact on his own life and wellbeing. He explains why reducing your everyday fight or flight state and learning to get out of your head can help you move from simply surviving to genuinely thriving. In this episode: • Why subtle fight or flight can quietly shape your everyday life • How designing your lifestyle can help you feel more grounded • The importance of joy, gratitude, friendships, and creative spaces • Practical ways to interrupt negative thought patterns • Why lasting change comes from consistent daily practice, not quick fixes If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to follow the podcast, leave a rating, and share it with someone who could use the reminder today. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when you stop chasing and start listening? In this episode, John shares the personal shifts he's working through after moving to Costa Rica. From learning to surf at 52 to redefining success, he reflects on slowing down, letting go of old patterns, and finding joy in the small moments that make life feel more alive. In this episode: • Why he's learning to approach surfing as a practice instead of a performance • The role of detachment in reducing stress and calming the nervous system • Letting go of FOMO and the pressure to constantly achieve • Challenging the belief that rest must be earned • Redefining what "enough" means beyond money, milestones, and validation • Learning to notice everyday moments of joy, or what he calls “nectar" John also shares reflections on adjusting to life in Costa Rica, embracing a slower pace, and documenting what he calls his "second rebirth." If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, share it with someone who needs it, and join us for the next conversation. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dating can feel exhausting, especially when every first date seems loaded with pressure, expectations, and endless swiping. In this episode, John shares five first-date reminders for navigating modern dating with more confidence, curiosity, and intention. He explores why dating often feels transactional today, how expectations can get in the way of connection, and what it looks like to approach dating without turning every encounter into a search for "the one." In this episode: • Why John believes dating has become low-effort and transactional • The importance of planning and showing intention on a first date • Why "less history, more mystery" can create better conversations • How expectations can sabotage connection • Why you're not looking for your soulmate on a first date • How to handle rejection, disappointment, and bad dates without taking them personally 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why is it so hard to let go of someone you know isn't right for you? How do you know when you've healed enough to date again? Can someone truly love you if you don't love themselves? And what do you do when trust is broken? In this listener Q&A, I answer questions about heartbreak, attachment, self-worth, trust, and what it actually takes to build healthy relationships. We explore why we can stay emotionally attached to an ex even when we know the relationship wasn't right, how toxic relationships can shape our dating patterns, and the difference between seeking connection and avoiding loneliness. I also share my thoughts on love languages, masculinity, rebuilding trust after betrayal, and one small step you can take today to begin changing your life. Whether you're trying to move on, wondering if you're ready to date again, or looking to build healthier relationships, I hope this conversation gives you something to reflect on. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 My latest book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest HERE⁠ John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John’s book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this personal episode, John shares a collection of journal entries and reflections on fear, identity, reinvention, love, writing, and what it means to fully live. From losing his home in the Los Angeles fire to building a new life in Costa Rica, he explores the fear of reaching the end of life without ever being fully known or fully becoming who you're meant to be. In this episode: • Why fear isn't always a warning and can sometimes be a compass • The danger of protecting a life you've already outgrown • What the Los Angeles fire taught John about identity and change • How love can evolve from a drug into medicine • Lessons from writing seven books and starting a publishing company • A surfing experience that changed the way he thinks about deserving success 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John Kim sits down with Brenden Durell to talk about masculinity, vulnerability, Tantra, intimacy, and emotional growth. Brenden shares his journey from sports into self-discovery and men’s work, exploring how discipline, trust, and presence can create deeper freedom and connection. They also discuss porn, edging, aftercare, therapeutic experiences with MDMA and San Pedro, and the responsibility men have in creating emotional safety in relationships. In this episode: • Redefining modern masculinity • Why vulnerability matters for men • Tantra, discipline, and personal freedom • Porn, edging, and sexual health • Trust, intimacy, and aftercare • Creating safety in relationships • Emotional intelligence and men’s work Connect with Brenden Durell Website: https://stan.store/brendendurell Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendendurell/ 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don’t protect your heart. Protect your relationship. In this episode, John Kim explores what it really takes to build a relationship that lasts. After heartbreak, loss, and repeating old patterns, many people start doing the inner work and realize that healthy love does not just happen naturally. It has to be built with intention, ownership, and practice. John breaks down the idea of “relationship armor” as the tools and practices that protect the relationship itself. This includes creating a safe space, practicing self-awareness, communicating honestly, loving without dragging the past into the present, and learning how to fight in a healthier way. He also explains why being right can become poison in a relationship, why curiosity creates safety, and why presence, gratitude, space, and having your own life are essential parts of healthy love. In this episode: • Why healthy relationships are built, not found • How to create a safe space in love • The importance of self-awareness and ownership • Why communication builds trust and closeness • How to love without letting your past run the relationship • Why how you fight matters more than how often you fight • How giving up the need to be right creates safety • The role of mindfulness, gratitude, and space in lasting love • Why you need your own life inside a healthy relationship More about John: 📘Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack https://substack.com/@theangrytherapist If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available here. https://theangrytherapist.thrivecart.com/secure-self-bundle/ 📘 John’s latest book: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/break-up-on-purpose-john-kim?variant=42305553956898 📸 Follow John on Instagram: https://instagram.com/theangrytherapist 🌐 Find out more about John Kim: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why does a breakup feel like more than heartbreak? In this episode, John Kim explores why breakups can feel like a death, and why that experience is rooted in more than emotion alone. Drawing from neuroscience, attachment theory, and years of therapeutic experience, he explains what happens in the brain after a relationship ends and why healing takes time. John unpacks the hidden losses that often come with heartbreak, from the future we imagined to the identity we built inside a relationship. He also shares why recovery isn't about forgetting someone, but learning to create a new reality without them. In this episode: • Why breakups feel physically painful • The role dopamine and attachment play in heartbreak • How relationships become part of our emotional regulation system • The grief of losing a future that never actually happened • Identity loss after a breakup • Why healing is really about rewiring If someone in your life is going through a breakup, share this episode with them. Follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and personal growth. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, we’re answering listener questions about the messy, tender, and sometimes confusing parts of relationships. We talk about what it means when someone says “I love you” very early on, how relationships naturally move through different stages, and what to do when the romance starts to fade. We also explore the painful reality of betrayal — including what repair can look like after cheating, and how to know whether your partner is truly respecting the process of rebuilding trust. This episode also looks at conflict and communication: how to bring up difficult issues with your partner, family, or friends when confrontation feels scary or overwhelming. In this episode, we cover: Whether saying “I love you” after two weeks is genuine love, infatuation, or a possible red flag The different stages relationships often go through First steps toward repair after infidelity What it means when a partner pressures you to accept contact with the person they cheated with How to talk about losing the spark in a long-term relationship Why romance and effort can fade after the honeymoon phase How to approach hard conversations when you hate confrontation The difference between healthy communication and avoiding conflict 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Joy, trauma, grief, healing. What if they’re all connected? In this conversation, John sits down with Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald to explore what trauma actually does to the nervous system, why joy is more than a fleeting feeling, and how small moments of joy can help us stay grounded through life’s hardest seasons. They discuss the science behind joy, common misconceptions about trauma, how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, and why healing may require letting go of identities built around suffering. The conversation also touches on grief, psychedelics, nervous system regulation, and finding meaning after loss. In this episode: • Why joy can help regulate and rewire the nervous system • What trauma really does to the body and brain • How childhood trauma shows up in adult relationships • The danger of identifying too strongly with your wounds • Why grief may be more transformative than we realize • The role of flow states, surfing, and presence in healing Also mentioned: • MaryCatherine’s books Unbroken https://www.amazon.com/Unbroken-Trauma-Response-Never-Things-ebook/dp/B0B19CVVNM and The Joy Reset https://www.amazon.com/Joy-Reset-Trauma-Steals-Happiness/dp/0306836262 • Her upcoming K-12 resilience curriculum focused on trauma, stress, and joy • Her current work exploring grief through writing and poetry If this episode resonated with you, follow the podcast, share it with someone who may need it, and leave a review to help others find these conversations. Follow Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald Website: https://www.drmcmcdonald.com/ IG: https://www.instagram.com/mc.phd/?hl=en 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the thing you keep chasing isn’t actually better... just more familiar? In this solo Q&A episode, John Kim reflects on fantasy, gratitude, emotional presence, and the difference between intensity and real love. From surfing in Costa Rica to answering listener questions about confidence, breakups, infidelity, and self-abandonment in relationships, this episode explores what happens when you stop escaping yourself and start paying attention to what’s actually here. Key points covered: • Why we romanticize the past and overlook the present • The difference between intensity and consistency in love • How healthy relationships create clarity instead of confusion • What confidence actually comes from • Signs you may be abandoning yourself in a relationship • Whether couples can rebuild after infidelity If this episode helped you, send it to someone who may need to hear it. Follow, rate, and share the podcast to support the show. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

John Kim explores what it really means to “seek nectar” in everyday life and why tiny moments of beauty, awe, and presence might matter more than we think. In this solo episode, John reflects on life in Costa Rica, nervous system healing, and the difference between surviving and actually feeling alive. He shares how years of stress and hyper vigilance can train us to scan for danger, and how intentionally noticing small moments of joy can slowly rewire the brain toward expansion, connection, and presence. Key points from this episode: • Why “stress narrows you and nectar expands you” • How survival mode becomes a default nervous system state • The neuroscience behind joy, presence, and neuroplasticity • What it means to train your body to “expect beauty again” • Tiny moments that create aliveness, awe, and emotional regulation • Why healing also means collecting new emotional experiences John also shares personal reflections on surfing, Costa Rica, creativity, parenthood, relationships, and the small rituals that bring him back to himself. If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who might need the reminder to seek more nectar in their life. Follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and becoming more human. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Love often starts as a drug. But what happens when the high wears off? In this episode, John Kim explores the difference between “drug-based love” and “medicine-based love,” and why most relationships struggle when chemistry begins to settle. He talks about projection, love addiction, emotional growth, and how real healing begins when relationships stop being a place to escape yourself and become a place to return to yourself. John also shares personal reflections on rebuilding life in Costa Rica after losing his home in Altadena, and how reinvention is shaping this new season of his life. Key points covered: • Why love feels intoxicating in the beginning • The difference between chemistry and healing • How projection shapes modern dating • “Recess love” vs mature relational work • Why repair matters more than avoiding conflict • How healthy love can rewire old patterns and fears Resources & mentions: • John discusses his new book, Love Hard on Purpose • Listeners who purchase the book get access to his private WhatsApp community If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who’s learning the difference between chemistry and healing. Follow the podcast for more conversations on love, growth, and relationships. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John answers listener questions about anxious attachment, exes, blame, perfectionism, makeup sex, and relationship myths. He explores how attachment patterns affect your partner, why we sometimes stay mentally connected to an ex, and how to know whether a relationship has real long-term potential. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship has legs, why you keep blaming your partner, or why you still think about someone from your past, this episode will help you slow down and look at the deeper patterns underneath. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John explores the different dimensions of intimacy, including emotional, spiritual, mental, passionate, physical, and energy intimacy. He emphasizes the importance of creating a safe space for emotional vulnerability, engaging in meaningful conversations, and practicing empathy and compassion. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What should you really look for when choosing someone to love? In this episode, John Kim explores why attraction alone is not enough to build a healthy relationship. He breaks down how instant chemistry can sometimes come from old patterns, why emotional intelligence matters more than intellect, and how self-awareness, consistency, and the ability to create safety are essential in love. John also shares why strong relationships are often built around something bigger than the couple itself, whether that is shared values, purpose, family, creativity, spirituality, or service. This episode is a reminder to look beyond the spark and ask what kind of relationship you are actually building. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode starts with a story about peeing on himself… and somehow turns into a conversation about masculinity, emotional safety, relationships, and rebuilding love after loss. John records this one off the cuff from a coffee shop in Costa Rica and reflects on the traits he once saw as flaws, the surprising depth that can happen in men’s groups, and a relationship question that’s changing the way he shows up in marriage. He also shares why he believes some relationships need to “die” in order for something more honest to be rebuilt. In this episode: • Why impulsiveness and intensity may not be the problem • The question John asked a men’s group: “How is your heart?” • How emotional safety changes the way men open up • Why some long-term relationships stop evolving • “What I need” vs “what the relationship needs” • Rebuilding a marriage after loss and change If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who’s navigating growth, love, or reinvention. Follow the podcast for new episodes every week. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some relationship patterns aren’t about the present. They’re about wounds your nervous system learned a long time ago. In this episode, John Kim breaks down some of the most common emotional wounds people carry into relationships, including abandonment, rejection, betrayal, control, emotional deprivation, and loss of self. He explains how these wounds become patterns, why we react instead of respond, and what healing actually looks like in real time. Key points covered: • Why wounds are about meaning, not just events • How childhood experiences shape adult relationship patterns • The difference between reacting from protection vs truth • Why people repeat the same emotional cycles in relationships • How abandonment and rejection wounds show up in everyday moments • What it means to create a corrective love experience John also shares personal reflections about rebuilding life after losing his home in the Altadena fires and moving into a new home in Costa Rica. He mentions his upcoming book, Love Hard on Purpose, and a private WhatsApp group for readers who pre-order the book. If this episode helped you, share it with someone who needs it and follow the podcast for more conversations on relationships, healing, and growth. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, we’re answering your questions about dating, attraction, conflict, infidelity, and the messy middle of deciding whether a relationship is worth repairing. We explore what to look for when you’re dating, how much of your past to share with a partner, and whether physical attraction can grow over time. We also get into the harder questions: why a spouse might become distant after an affair, how to rebuild trust, when to go to couples counseling, and how to know whether conflict is healthy or a sign that something deeper is wrong. This episode also touches on emotional healing after heartbreak, finding yourself again, staying positive through difficult seasons, and why an ex might still be watching your life from a distance. Whether you’re dating, rebuilding, questioning, or letting go, this conversation is about learning to listen to yourself, understand the patterns at play, and make choices from clarity instead of fear. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this deeply personal episode, John Kim revisits his story with fresh eyes and new perspective. From divorce and failed screenwriting dreams to becoming a therapist, building a life in Los Angeles, and then losing it all in a fire, he reflects on the defining “act breaks” that reshaped his identity. Now rebuilding in Costa Rica, John explores what it means to live without a blueprint and to design a life rooted in presence, courage, and truth. Key Points Covered • The difference between a life “chapter” and an “act break” • Losing his home in a fire and how it forced radical change • Letting go of a screenwriting dream and finding purpose as a therapist • Building the “Angry Therapist” platform through authenticity • How loss stripped away excuses and created space for reinvention • Redefining life, success, and home while rebuilding in Costa Rica If this story resonated with you, make sure to subscribe for more conversations on growth, relationships, and rebuilding your life. Mentions: John’s book publishing company: Soulprint https://www.soulprintmedia.co 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John explores why trying to bring a relationship back to what itonce was can quietly hold it back. Instead of restoring the past, he reframes love as something that must evolve alongside the people in it, requiring honesty, effort, and a willingness to grow together. He breaks down how relationships naturally fall out of alignment over time and why that doesn’t mean they’re broken. Through communication, truth-telling, and emotional capacity, alignment becomes something you build rather than something you either “have” or don’t. John shares three grounded ways to realign when things feel off, including telling the current truth, updating the relationship instead of restoring it, and focusing on willingness over perfection. The episode also touches on the idea that some relationships need to “die” in order to be rebuilt in a way that actually fits who both people are today. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this vulnerable solo episode, John Kim explores love and sex addiction through the lens of attachment, emotional regulation, childhood wounds, and relationship ruptures. After a painful conflict with his partner, John reflects on how love can become a way to regulate anxiety, emptiness, and the need to feel wanted or chosen. He unpacks the difference between real love and chasing intensity, and why healing means learning to sit with your own internal state without immediately reaching for someone else to fix it. 🎙️ More about John:📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when two men in their 50s look back at the childhood pain that shaped them and realize friendship can be medicine? John rides in the car with therapist, author, and longtime friend Sam Louie for an honest conversation about Asian shame, childhood trauma, masculinity, and healing. Sam shares what it was like immigrating from Hong Kong, growing up in South Seattle, navigating racism and bullying, and living in survival mode from a young age. Together, John and Sam explore how early pain shaped their nervous systems, relationships, and sense of self. They talk about shame, porn, divorce, therapy, parts work, and the healing power of male friendship. This is a raw conversation about identity, repair, and what it means to be truly seen. Connect with Sam https://linktr.ee/AsianShame More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this Therapy Thursdays episode, John answers some of the hardest relationship questions people carry quietly: trust after infidelity, emotional disconnection, fading desire, avoidant partners, honesty that hurts, and the pain of knowing when it may be time to let go. He explores what it really takes to rebuild trust, why emotional depth matters, what can motivate someone to finally do the work, and how to move through guilt, disappointment, and heartbreak without abandoning yourself. If you have ever felt torn between hope and reality in love, this episode will give you clarity, language, and perspective. 🎙️ More about John: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Turning 53 has John reflecting on what actually matters. In this birthday episode, he shares five revelations shaped by loss, growth, love, and starting over. From losing his house to finding more meaning, joy, and freedom, this is a deeply personal conversation about accepting the truth, living in alignment, and letting life change you. He talks about why growth often feels like loss before it feels like expansion, why love is something we build and practice, and why starting over is not failure but a skill. This episode feels like a check-in with yourself. A reminder that what was true for you before may not be true now. That chasing highs will never give you the kind of life alignment can. That love is less about finding the perfect feeling and more about consistency, repair, and honesty. And that no matter your age, you can begin again. If you’ve been reevaluating your life, grieving an old version of yourself, or wondering whether it’s too late to change course, this episode will meet you there. In this episode: Truth changes your life when you fully accept it Why alignment matters more than chasing highs Growth often feels like loss before it feels like expansion Love is built through consistency, honesty, and repair You can start over more times than you think 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John Kim sits down with relationship expert and author Amy Chan to talk about dating patterns, childhood wounds, grief, commitment, and what it really takes to build healthy love. Amy shares how the sudden loss of a close friend changed the way she thinks about relationships and why creating core memories with the people you love matters more than convenience. John opens up about how losing his home reshaped his idea of freedom, home, and what truly matters. Together, they explore how childhood neglect, validation-seeking, and old survival strategies continue to shape adult dating patterns. They also break down Amy’s framework for dating smarter, including how to spot where your dating life gets stuck, why apps should not be your only strategy, and how your energy affects connection. They talk about dopamine, fantasy, and why the first three months of dating can be misleading. Later, they unpack commitment, unrealistic expectations, relationship trade-offs, triggers, repair, and emotional safety. Amy explains her “Sh*t Bucket” concept and why healthy love is not about finding a perfect partner, but choosing someone whose imperfections you can actually live with. They close with a hopeful reminder: love is hard, but it is still worth building. In this episode: (00:00) The real reason your dating life keeps repeating(00:29) Grief changed how Amy thinks about love(02:09) John’s life after losing home and redefining freedom(03:15) Amy Chan on dating smarter and finding lasting love(05:03) The childhood wounds behind adult relationship patterns(10:29) The patterns sabotaging your love life(14:24) People can feel your dating energy(16:15) Why the first 3 months can fool you(20:02) Why love only grows when you go all in(23:30) Social media is warping our expectations of love(26:34) Every relationship comes with a “Sh*t Bucket”(28:57) Triggers, conflict, and healing inside relationships(33:24) What repair actually looks like in healthy love(37:08) What happens when only one partner wants to grow(43:14) Why love is hard and still worth it About Amy Chan: Amy Chan is the author of Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love that Lasts — a fun, science-backed dating guide that helps people interrupt the relationship patterns keeping love just out of reach and build healthier, lasting connections. Dubbed the “scientific Carrie Bradshaw” by The Observer, Amy has been a trusted voice in modern relationships for nearly two decades. In 2016, she founded Renew Breakup Bootcamp, the world’s first heartbreak retreat. She also leads Dating Bootcamp and is on faculty at Esalen and The Omega Institute. Her first book, Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, was featured in The New York Times and optioned by a major streaming network. Her work has appeared in The Wall Street Journal, Good Morning America, The Today Show, The New Yorker, The Guardian, and USA Today. Books: Unsingle: How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts (Pre-order) https://amzn.to/48xS01r Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Hearthttps://amzn.to/3wBZxxi Websites: www.renewbreakupbootcamp.com www.renewbootcamps.com www.missamychan.com www.hearthackersclub.com www.UnsingleByAmyChan.com (launching soon) Connect with Amy: Instagram Handle: https://www.instagram.com/missamychan LinkedIn URL: https://www.linkedin.com/in/missamychan/ Tik Tok Handle: https://www.tiktok.com/@missamychan Twitter Handle: www.twitter.com/missamychan YouTube Handle: https://www.youtube.com/missamychan  🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Love can feel intoxicating. The chemistry, the obsession, the constant thinking about someone, the emotional highs and lows. But just because love feels intense does not mean it is healthy. In this episode, John Kim explores one of the most important relationship questions you can ask yourself: Is your love acting like a drug, or is it becoming medicine? He breaks down how love can become something you use to regulate your worth, soothe your anxiety, or escape yourself. He also explains how healthy love, while not always comfortable, can become a powerful place for self-awareness, healing, and growth. John unpacks the difference between addictive love and healing love, why intensity is not always intimacy, and how attachment wounds can disguise themselves as chemistry. He also shares what needs to happen for love to shift from something that destabilizes you to something that helps you become more grounded, honest, and self-connected. If you have ever confused passion with pain, chased reassurance, or lost yourself trying to hold onto a relationship, this episode will help you look at love more clearly. A self-check for your relationship Your internal state Do I feel anxious more than I feel grounded in this connection or relationship? Do I need reassurance often to feel okay? Do I feel a high when they lean in and a crash when they pull back? Do I think about them more than I feel connected to myself? Your behaviorDo I change how I show up based on how they are acting?Do I overgive, overtext, or overexplain when I feel distance?Do I ignore things that do not feel right to keep the connection?Do I try to manage how they see me instead of just being myself? Your relationship to discomfortWhen I feel triggered, do I reach for them instead of sitting with myself?Do I avoid conflict to keep things good?Do I stay longer than I should because of potential?Do I confuse intimacy with intensity? Your clarityDo I know where I stand, or am I often guessing?Am I in love with who they are or who I hope they will become?Am I choosing them, or am I trying to be chosen? Your identityDo I feel more like myself in this relationship or less?Am I proud of how I show up here?If this ended today, would I feel broken or grounded in myself? Final questionIn this relationship, am I trying to feel better, or am I trying to become better? 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when a city-built life gets interrupted, and something quieter begins to call you in? In this episode, John Kim sits down with Brooks Wilson for a conversation about nature, nervous system regulation, mindfulness, healing, and what it means to move through life with more intention. Brooks shares what it was like growing up in Tamarindo, Costa Rica before major development, how nature shaped her from an early age, and how surfing, yoga, sound healing, and ceremony became part of her path. Together, John and Brooks explore the contrast between fast-paced city living and a slower, more grounded way of being. They talk about presence, eye contact, human connection, gratitude, manifestation, and the healing power of sound, nature, and community. John also opens up about how his move to Costa Rica has been reshaping him after major life upheaval, and why this season feels less like escape and more like medicine. This is a conversation about returning to what matters, learning to listen differently, and finding alignment in unexpected places. Brooks Wilson is a Costa Rica–based yoga teacher, sound healer, and ceremonial guide. You can learn more about her work here: Abouthttps://vibracionesexpansivas.com/about Book a sessionhttps://vibracionesexpansivas.com/sessions Journeys and retreatshttps://vibracionesexpansivas.com/journeys/india 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Therapy Thursdays, John responds to listener questions about love, trust, identity, and the emotional patterns that keep us stuck. He explores the difference between real love and limerence, why some people struggle to let love in, and how fear can disguise itself as protection, control, or certainty. He also gets into the tension between equality and fairness in relationships, what it means to outgrow an old identity, and how past betrayal, heartbreak, or attachment wounds can shape the way we connect. From red flags and self-worth to trust after infidelity, this episode is a deep dive into the patterns that quietly run our relationships. If you have ever wondered whether what you are feeling is love, fear, fantasy, or unresolved pain, this conversation will help you look deeper. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do childhood wounds, past relationships, and old emotional patterns shape your definition of love? In this episode, John Kim explores how relationship residue turns into distorted definitions of love. He breaks down how early experiences, family dynamics, unhealthy conflict, self-sacrifice, and internalized pain can create a damaging love blueprint that follows us into adulthood. John unpacks the unhealthy ways many people define love, including love as self-sacrifice, possession, completion, and dependency. He explains how these distorted beliefs can lead to codependency, control, unrealistic expectations, self-abandonment, and unhealthy relationship patterns. He also shares how heartbreak, expired relationships, and self-awareness can become a corrective love experience that helps you redefine love in a healthier way. Instead of losing yourself in romance, healthy love is built through interdependence, communication, compassion, conflict repair, individuality, and emotional growth. If you’ve ever struggled with attachment wounds, toxic relationship patterns, fear of abandonment, or confusion about what real love looks like, this episode will help you question the definitions you inherited and create a healthier, more grounded version of love. 🎙️ Host Links: 📘Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John sits down for a layered conversation on erotica, desire, safety, and what it really means to feel alive in your life and relationships. They explore the idea that erotica is not just about sex, but about presence, sensuality, connection, and being fully turned on by your own life instead of moving through it on autopilot. The conversation also unpacks why sex and closeness can feel so different for different people, how safety shapes intimacy, and why desire often changes in long-term relationships. John, Madeleine and Vanessa also talk about self-abandonment, the pressure we put on romantic relationships, the tension between love and freedom, and the importance of living not just from the mind, but from the body and soul too. This episode is about intimacy, embodiment, emotional truth, and learning how to stay connected to yourself while building deeper connection with someone else. 🔗 Resources & Links 👉 Apply to Inner Compass Academy: https://www.vanessabennett.com/inner-compass-academy 👉 Follow Vanessa Instagram https://www.instagram.com/vanessasbennett 👉 Author of “The Motherhood Myth” Buy the Book Here: https://www.amazon.com/Motherhood-Myth-Reimagining-Expectations-Partnership/dp/1649633416 Madeleine Downey IG: https://www.instagram.com/MadeleineDowney Substack: https://madeleinedowney.substack.com  🎙️ Host Links: 📘Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John talks with Robin Ducharme about her new book, Real Love Ready, and the deeper work of learning how to love well. They explore grief, forgiveness, childhood patterns, codependency, and the myths about love that keep people stuck. Robin shares how losing her twin brother changed her life and why relational literacy may be one of the most important skills we can develop. If you want healthier relationships with yourself and others, this conversation is for you. Guest Links: Book: https://geni.us/RealLoveReadyBook In Bloom Summit April 10-12, 2026, in Vancouver, BC and Online: www.inbloomsummit.com Real Love Ready Website: www.realloveready.com Real Love Ready Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/realloveready/ 🎙️ Host Links: 📘 Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

John explores how many of us are loving from a definition we never consciously chose. From family dynamics to heartbreak and old emotional imprints, he breaks down how our love blueprint gets formed and why it keeps pulling us into familiar patterns. He also shares three practical homework exercises to help you uncover your current definition of love, identify your relationship patterns, and separate real chemistry from emotional familiarity. If you keep ending up in the same relationship with a different face, this episode is for you. 🎙️ Host Links: Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode of Therapy Thursdays, John answers listener questions about love, fear, disconnection, self-worth, and the hard decisions people face when relationships no longer feel clear. He explores whether situationships can actually work, what happens when intimacy disappears in a long-term marriage, and how to tell if you are staying because of love or simply because fear is keeping you stuck. He also unpacks attraction in romantic relationships, what it means to like yourself, how to regulate your nervous system, and how to know whether you are making the right decision in life when everything feels uncertain. This episode is for anyone questioning their relationship, struggling to reconnect, or trying to trust themselves enough to choose what is true. 🎙️ Host Links: Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, John reflects on what it means to feel complete and asks a powerful question: what in your life feels unfinished? He explores how so many of us chase worth, peace, and wholeness through achievement, validation, or external circumstances, while the real work may be learning how to feel whole from within. This is a conversation about unfinished parts of ourselves, living with more intention, and finding completeness even when life is uncertain or unresolved. If you have been feeling restless, behind, or like something is missing, this episode will give you space to reflect on what truly brings you back to yourself. 🎙️ Host Links: Surf, sex and pancakes retreat https://surfsexandpancakes.com/ Pre order my new book, Love Hard On Purpose. Toss the blueprints. Build something honest. https://a.co/d/031PzkW4 📘 Read John’s book in progress Sh*t Your Therapist Would Never Tell You on John’s SubStack ⁠HERE⁠ If you’re ready for deeper work, the Secure Self course is available HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices