PODCAST · comedy
The Clopen Effect
by ©The Clopen Effect
Welcome to The Clopen Effect, a Funny Retail Podcast! Join us every week as we share our lives working in retail. Our lineup features fantastic guests, including local business owners, seasoned retail professionals, and the occasional surprise musician and artist. We're Basically Famous®!“By far the most relatable, humbling, and funniest podcast I’ve ever listened to! It keeps me busy at work, laughing, shaking my head in agreement, and remembering my own wild work stories. And it’s not always just about those crazy shifts—these hilarious women bring so much more. Give them a listen; you won’t be wasting your time!”
Episodes
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What Do You Bring to the Table?
This episode is full of unexpected questions, random comments, and the conversations that happen when Meredith has a lot to ask Cassandra! Cassandra is recovering from a cold, while Meredith suspects she’s on approximately COVID episode number 15. We talk about the careers we might have pursued...
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McHenry Murder Mystery 2026
Meredith’s Halloween book is #10, and she has free copies available, but they won’t arrive until 10/22. Meredith traveled for training this week and stayed at a friend’s perfectly organized home. Cassandra shares her thoughts on the McHenry Murder Mystery event. We also talk about the movies…
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You Can't Park There
Disclaimer: This episode is for general informational and entertainment purposes and discusses Illinois accessible parking rules as we understand them at the time of recording. Laws and regulations can change, so please check official sources for the most current information. In this episode of…
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Time to Talk Torture
We took a lighter look at some of history’s most bizarre and brutal medieval torture devices. We talked about what these devices were supposedly used for while also questioning how much of the stories surrounding them are actually true. Thankfully, nobody had to test any of them out because…
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Spooky Stories and Murder.. sort of
What items that you use in retail could make you a suspect in a murder? Cass said it's kind of like the game Clue. What everyday retail items could possibly end up connected to a murder investigation? In this funny and slightly dark episode, we look at box cutters, meat slicers, forklifts…
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Part Two - The Artificial Takeover
We started talking about the HUGE changes coming to retail over the next five years, and now we're continuing the conversation. In Part Two, we tackle the next five: • The online and in-store shopping experience becoming one • Cashiers becoming a much smaller part of the store • The changing...
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RIP Dolly Parton
Dolly Parton's story is a masterclass in turning humble beginnings into a massive brand without losing touch with where you came from. And given today's heartbreaking news, it's worth noting that Dolly Parton died today, August 25, 2026, at age 80, according to her family and major news...
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Part one of the Artificial Takeover
In this episode of The Clopen Effect, we tackled the first seven HUGE changes we could see in retail over the next five years. We’re talking AI becoming the personal shopper, stores becoming more experiential, employees working alongside AI, smarter shelves, predictive inventory, the explosion of...
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Did You Work at McDonald's?
What do Jeff Bezos, Rachel McAdams, Pink, James Franco, and other famous names have in common? Before they became household names, they were just people clocking in and going to work. Some worked in fast food, restaurants, and customer service. Some might forget that the person working the…
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Driving Lessons with Cassandra and Meredith
Oh, customers... we love you, we hate you, and sometimes you make us question everything. It takes all kinds, but lately it's getting a little ridiculous. Come listen to us complain about retail life! LOL If you're a member, use the private RSS feed link you received when you signed up for the...
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This One, That One
Cassandra and Meredith talk about the different ways we pronounce words like Aunt, Neither, and Caramel, and share some random stories along the way. Thanks for listening! If you're a member, use the private RSS feed link you received when you signed up for the $2/month membership. Simply paste…
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We Brake For Bad Service
Episode 248 is out now! Members also get Episode 247 - the unedited version of this week's episode! Wowee - Meredith had quite the experience at a local dealership! Plus, we take on a round of your one-less-band names, and some of these names have us completely confused. LOL If you're a member…
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No No Bran Squares
Meredith surprised Cass by switching the topic from pizza to cereal, leading to a discussion about how breakfast cereal evolved from ancient cereal grains that have sustained civilizations for more than 10,000 years into the boxed cereals we know today. They explored the invention of modern...
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Adventures Around Town
Happy birthday to Cass! This week we're talking about how Cassandra somehow remembered how to flirt thanks to a TikTok trend, while Meredith is desperately trying to memorize her lines for the upcoming Murder Mystery. We also share our thoughts on Yummy Bowl and Discount Tire. Come hang out with…
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Outrageously Crazy Ways to Slay
Many words that sound negative, intimidating, or even insulting have evolved to take on positive meanings when used in everyday conversation. Terms like awesome, savage, badass, and wicked are often used to praise someone's talent, confidence, creativity, or achievements rather than criticize…
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How Many?
Meredith surprises Cass with a 'How Many?' quiz! Can you guess how many bananas fit in a shopping cart? Or how many rotisserie chickens would it take to weigh the same as a forklift? Random, we know! Also, the difference between a chipmunk and a ground squirrel. A simple rule of thumb: If it’s…
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Cluckin' Clopen
From Chick-fil-A to Popeyes, America’s fried chicken wars became a billion-dollar battle over seasoning, sauces, sandwiches, and regional loyalty - with consumers treating their favorite chicken chain like a sports team. Warning labels took over products because of real injuries, chemical...
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Zippers, Caps, and Gowns
June 14th - Live event at Kishwaukee Brewing! All - let's learn to zipper merge in traffic, caps and gowns go wrong during graduation, and all the other stories that come to mind when we are together. All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect Support the show and advertising...
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The ABC's of Retail
We’re recapping The ABCs of Retail — highlighting your answers, stories, and retail experiences from A to Z. From clopens and call-offs to customers and chaos, our listeners understood the assignment… and proved retail workers deserve both therapy and overtime! All The Clopen Links:...
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Worms Make Me Squirm
From nationwide outbreaks to worms in soda machines, this episode explores how food safety failures happen at every level of the restaurant industry. We break down real cases involving contamination, pests, employee hygiene, and equipment failures affecting major fast-food chains. From the…
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Cruisin’ With Enthusiasm
Cass got her chicken cutlets squished! She is doing so good keeping her health in check! Also, in this episode, Meredith shares a detailed recap of her recent cruise vacation. She outlines the overall experience, including the onboard environment, daily routines, and general atmosphere. A...
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What's a Frunchroom!?
AHHHH - In this episode of The Clopen Effect, we reviewed responses from our Facebook questions and discussed a range of perspectives and experiences shared by followers. We went through the answers, highlighted common themes, and added our own commentary throughout. The conversation then shifted...
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On the Phone with Author Dana Goldstein
We first chatted with Dana back in 2022 when her book Spent came out, and now she’s known across the country for her incredible books. But get this… she’s back working in retail! She works at Indigo, Canada's largest bookstore, and yes, her books are sold there! We catch up with Dana and all the...
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Once You Go Salon Mackk, You Never Go Back
Melinda, Andie, Karin, and Kristin are here to talk about Salon Mackk in Crystal Lake, IL! We talk about good and bad reviews, being a super friendly salon, Refuge for Women, having great eyebrows, styles and trends right now, mullets are in, teenage boy perms that look like broccoli, how they…
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What's in Cass' Lunchbox?
Today’s episode starts with a new member joining the podcast: Cass’s glucose monitor. It’s helpful, it’s important and it has the impeccable timing of a smoke alarm detecting burnt toast at 2:07 a.m. Naturally, we did what any responsible hosts would do - we named it. Beepy McSleepy The Snooze...
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Don from Pawstock is here! Woodstock, IL
Don shares his background in the pet treat industry and how he helped a company bring its products to market. Along the way, he connected with others in the holistic pet space and decided to take the leap. One product that especially caught his attention was freeze-dried food. Cass shares how one...
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Hometown Hug(s) with Alex
In this episode, we sat down with Alex, owner of Hometown Hug, the heart behind those unforgettable welcome baskets for new homeowners in McHenry County. 💛 They’re best known for their HomeTown Hug baskets — thoughtfully curated gifts that personally introduce over 700 new homeowners each year…
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Kishwaukee Brewing Take Over
Alyssa joined us from The Fiber Fellowship, an organization that supports several local charities, including Animal Outreach and oncology centers in the area. They also create fidget squares for emergency responders - very impressive. And Kishwaukee Brewing Company is here! Listen in to this…
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Smokin' Jenuine Coffee
Jen is back, and the coffee vibes are strong! We dive into another lively chat about all things coffee, play a hilarious game of coffee brand phrases, and Jen treats us to a sneak peek at four of her newer rockstar flavors. Her coffee comes in 12oz bags (and 12oz bags). It’s caffeinated fun you...
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Blind Date with a Book - Lexie is here!
Welcome to the Clopen Book Club! Let's talk about books and reading a book before seeing the movie! All of Lexie's info is here and on Facebook: "Luna and Koi" All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect Support the show and advertising opportunity:...
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Hardworking Hobbies
We do so much more than work retail! Let's talk about it. Hobbies and extracurricular activities. All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect Support the show and advertising opportunity: https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support Buy Our Cool Merch:...
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Home of the Sparrow - Judy and Holly
Judy and Holly are here from Home of the Sparrow! Here is their mission and some insights from their website: "Home of the Sparrow’s mission is to provide Hope, Opportunity and Support that empowers women and children as they journey from homelessness to self-sufficiency. Home of the Sparrow…
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Wild Hunny Boutique - Eat, Shop, Love, Local
Laura, owner of Wild Hunny Boutique, is here this week! We chat about her boutique and surprise her with the game: 'Finish the Christmas lyric'. It's a great listen! Wild Hunny Boutique is a woman-owned local shop specializing in affordable, stylish, and giftable items — perfect for holiday...
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Stay Warm, Don't Let the Bed Bugs Bite
This week, Meredith and Cassandra chat about the winter inventions that helped us survive the cold - from the classic hand muff to heaters, ice scrapers, remote starts, and shovels. It’s a quick, fun look at how these cold-weather creations came to be. omehow bed bugs made their way into the...
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Thankful For You F*ckers 2025
Let's talk about the dangers of cooking on Thanksgiving! And a few other stories... All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect Support the show and advertising opportunity: https://the-clopen-effect.captivate.fm/support Buy Our Cool Merch:...
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Bellies Food Truck with Owner Chris
What a fantastic interview with Chris from @belliesfoodtruck 🐷 Owner Chris, along with his wife, his daughter, his business partner, his dad, and his brother, serves up pork belly bites, Cuban sandwiches, and Meredith’s favorite grilled cheese! We talk about Chris’s past jobs and how Bellies…
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Beavers and Buttglands (What is in our food!?)
In this week’s episode of The Clopen Effect, we chat about 40 wild food additives - what they are, how to actually pronounce them, and the sneaky places they like to hide. Spoiler: your snacks might contain wood chips, your bread might include duck feathers, and yes… there’s a beaver gland...
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Spooky Ways to Live (Happy Halloween!)
Mature audiences only, please! 🎃 Meredith and Cassandra dive into 20 of the rarest medical conditions people can suffer from — it’s a tough one, but perfect for Spooky Season! We also chat about Meredith’s “diet,” the manager with an attitude, the chores we let our husbands handle, and—drumroll...
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Spooky Season With the Bestie
Cassandra, Bestie, and Meredith chat about one of the eeriest topics yet - the worst ways to die in retail. For mature audiences only, please! It’s spooky season, and while this episode sounds dark, it’s handled with care, respect, and just enough Halloween edge to give you chills (without…
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Haunting Thefts
Here's the rundown of this week's show: Home Invasions / Residential Burglaries Thieves go for small, high-value, easy-to-carry stuff. Top items: Cash Laptops, tablets, phones Jewelry and watches Prescription meds Firearms They want things they can grab fast and resell easily. Average loss? A few...
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Don't Take Candy From Strangers
Hey friends! Before we share this week's episode, a quick note: Every week, The Clopen Effect is full of jokes, absurd retail stories, and general chaos. You know, our usual nonsense. Today, since it’s spooky season, we’re taking a small detour. We’re covering two very serious events: the...
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Spooky Drinking with Devangelist
We had a great time with the Rockstar of Retail - our friend Tim! We were listening to the Cubbies win, so the recording fades in and out a bit, but oh well (they won!). In this episode, we chat about Tim’s bands and run through the top scary movie quotes. Stick around until the end to hear a…
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Bathroom Breaks and Dirty Grapes
We kick things off with a hilarious story from our co-worker who carried 100 balloons for 1.5 miles from the store to an office party (yes, people stared). Then it’s all about GERMS — the gross, sneaky, everyday kind that hide where you least expect them. Fun, funny, and a little bit ewww - this...
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Dying to Win (Competitive Eating Contests)
From hot dogs at Coney Island to lamingtons in Australia, competitive eating contests are one of the strangest - and most fascinating - traditions around the world. Today, we’re talking about the wild history, the training secrets, and even the dangers of this stomach-stretching sport. All The...
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Rest Stops and Snack Shops
Wowee, we do love to laugh at ourselves! This episode is no different! We talk about road trips and rest stops, snacks and car ride games. Thanks for being here! We are really having a great time with all of you! All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect $2/month keeps us recording...
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Washy Wishes
This week, we talk about classic wives' tales, we read some great ones from our listeners, and get a little depressed about zoos. Oops. Anyway - enjoy this week's episode! All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect $2/month keeps us recording and bringing you all the laughs!...
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Fair Food Poisoning
Food festivals are so fun! We love them and talk about the most popular, iconic, largest, quirkiest, weirdest, and longest-running. We talk about our local ribfest and the Bristol Renaissance Faire (Kenosha, WI). All The Clopen Links: https://linktr.ee/theclopeneffect $2/month keeps us recording...
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ROY G. BIV
ROY G. BIV Colors don’t just look good in a store, they actually do something to our bodies. When our eyes see a color, the signal travels to our brain, and that can change how we feel, even how fast our heart beats. Red makes your heart beat faster. That’s why stores use it for clearance tags…
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Bread Math with Jason
In this episode, we chat the world of bread and the math behind it (sort of), with our special guest, Jason! Jason 'drives' us through his bread delivery route, explaining how the numbers, store stops, and fresh bread logistics all come together. Meredith tries her best to follow along, but…
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Thifting with Daisy
Guests: Mama Brianna & Baby Daisy 🌼 This week, we welcome the sweetest guests, Mama Brianna and her 9-month-old daughter, Daisy! We explore the origin of the name Daisy, its meaning (“day’s eye”), and why it's the perfect fit for such a bright little soul. We also give a shoutout to Dented Gate...
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Welcome to The Clopen Effect, a Funny Retail Podcast! Join us every week as we share our lives working in retail. Our lineup features fantastic guests, including local business owners, seasoned retail professionals, and the occasional surprise musician and artist. We're Basically Famous®!“By far the most relatable, humbling, and funniest podcast I’ve ever listened to! It keeps me busy at work, laughing, shaking my head in agreement, and remembering my own wild work stories. And it’s not always just about those crazy shifts—these hilarious women bring so much more. Give them a listen; you won’t be wasting your time!”
HOSTED BY
©The Clopen Effect
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does The Clopen Effect have?
The Clopen Effect currently has 262 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is The Clopen Effect about?
Welcome to The Clopen Effect, a Funny Retail Podcast! Join us every week as we share our lives working in retail. Our lineup features fantastic guests, including local business owners, seasoned retail professionals, and the occasional surprise musician and artist. We're Basically Famous®!“By far...
How often does The Clopen Effect release new episodes?
The Clopen Effect publishes regularly with 262 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to The Clopen Effect?
You can listen to The Clopen Effect on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts The Clopen Effect?
The Clopen Effect is created and hosted by ©The Clopen Effect.
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