The Four Minute CommTool

Jim Barrett's radio interview with Dr. Dennis O'Grady on how to deal with depression during the holidays.

There are two new types of communicators in town, and knowing your type and who you’re talking to by type, will speed your travels down the two-way communication highway. The first order of communication business then, is to know and appreciate your own "natural" communicator type. Thus, even when you take an unintended detour, you will be able to enjoy the scenery and not feel frustrated by putting your foot in your mouth.

Can you talk at work? Because I’ve been a communications consultant for so long, maybe I’m nuts about executive coaching and positive communications training in the workplace. BUT I think teamwork is solidified by talking openly about the good, the bad and the ugly without casting stones of blame at esteemed co-workers.

Don’t the head-spinning and logic-numbing excuses flow fast when people fail to perform their agreed-upon tasks or meet important deadlines at work? What today’s workplaces have in common are tons of logical-sounding excuses why managers, executives and team members alike have failed to perform as expected. Are we all getting too carried away with psychological excuses about why we shouldn’t be called on the carpet…and held accountable for the good results we’ve failed to deliver upon? You can bet your psychology license on it!

Believe IT: Although your stress level may be very high, you will be able to cut that amount of personal strain in half, when you use the positive inner talk tools I feature in my book TALK TO ME. I'm not naive. I realize many of you talk a good game of change, but when it comes right down to actually changing, you love to suffer and get yourself all riled up. I've found the following "10 Positive Psychology Tips of Self-Leadership" to be a really huge help IF you use them four minutes a day to remain calm when everyone around you is losing their heads or stressing out.

Management consultants, executive coaches and human resource specialists are all hired to keep employee satisfaction high and poor communication low. One assumption in workplace psychology is that those of us who are in positive partnerships are better able to shrug off rejections and stressful assignments while keeping our attitudes positive, and all of that combines to improve overall work performance.

My ears get reamed every day and my brain screams when I hear some of these talk fillers from pedigreed people: "Um... y'know... I kinda'... dunno... don't you agree... do ya' know what I mean?" Aarrh! Give my ears a break from all the word pollution and rigmarole!!

Good grief, Charlie Brown, is there such a thing... grief that is good for the heart and soul? Loss, saying goodbye and asking why are very touchy emotional subjects for most of us. But there are good parts to grief, or as I like to say: "Out of the ashes of grief comes new growth!"

Willie Nelson plays "the angel's advocate" because he shows us all that although it's far easier to be negative... it’s by far more productive to be a positive person. I don't care if you love or loathe country music... Willie Nelson is a positive thinker, a positive talker, a positive doer and an all-around positive guy who has a bunch of friends from all over the world. "W" knows that ya' can’t afford no negative thoughts.

There's a hilarious hard-working comedian named Ron White who does a laughable routine in perfect Texan drawl about why "You Can't Fix Stupid!" You can fix "stupid" communication darned fast... IF and when you use new communication tools.

As an anger educator and communications psychologist, I can tell you that "road rage" is a slick and tricky mental magic act and a racey misnomer. It's more accurate to call it "human rage," since it's unhealthy anger directed at human beings not roads made of concrete or asphalt. Let's talk about how to control it.

Are you a positive thinker, a positive talker and a positive doer? Does your personal credo make you a living legend, of sorts, because you choose to deploy an optimistic mental attitude and make a constructive impact in life? Or do you prefer to be a "contrarian," a negative talker who is a negative thinker and a negative doer? Learn to use the Ten Tenets of Positive Thinkers and Talkers.

What do the alphabet letters in this talk soup spell out to you: "I'm working on it." "I know I could do better IF ONLY I tried harder." "I should change but I can't seem to find the motivation." "It's truly a huge problem but I don't know what I SHOULD do about it." A "master logician" is someone who says pretty things such as, "I know I've got to do better!" ... but keeps on doing the same old tired things that drive you insane.

Do you sell yourself short with the excuse that you don't want to become "stuck up?" Why do you sell yourself short? It's time to sell yourself on yourself! This exercise is intended especially for all of you sensitive gals and guys who are prone to being a little bit shy about how great thou art! Y'all "sensitive types" gotta get over being so sweet and inward-gazing! And I can help you with my new communication system called TALK TO ME.

On Father's Day, sometimes the best that families can hope for is that everyone will get along just fine for an entire 24-hour period... no harsh words, no bickering, no nitpicking. But what if Dad is the one whose communication skills - or lack thereof - put everyone else on edge? Fathers who recognize their shortcomings as good communicators sometimes just need a little advice and practical tips for honing their skills as sensitive guys who are approachable and able to carry on a meaningful conversation with anyone in the family.

Are you a hard self-talker, as in, "It's depressing to get up in the morning!" You can make happen what you say will be so... by telling yourself IT will BE SO. Ironically, since time is on your side... NOT getting up on time can be a contributing cause of depression. In my opinion, it's not so much about getting up ON TIME. It's about respecting your needs to get up ON YOUR TIME.

Don't play down your communication skills by self-labeling yourself as 'shy!' After all, 'shy' people aren't shy around people they like, trust and know to be honestly emotionally expressive. Take four minutes and learn some effective ways to send the message "Talk to Me... Today!"