The Marriage Huddle

In this episode, we hear from Jake and Abby Loomans, who have walked through infertility, miscarriage, and additional medical challenges along the way. They share the realities of grief and the weight it can bring into a marriage. As they open up about their journey, we talk about how suffering shapes connection, the importance of walking through grief together, and the hope that can be found in the Lord even when outcomes are uncertain.

This week the microphones are in the hands of the women. Stephanie TeSlaa, Ann Jansen, Renee Kenney, and Susan Wilkins reflect on what it means to be a wife through the lens of ezer kenegdo—helper, encourager, challenger, and partner. Through honest stories of self-sufficiency, unmet expectations, and learning to trust God’s design, they unpack joyful partnership, biblical submission, and vertical alignment with the Lord. With wisdom shaped by many seasons of marriage, they share how God uses struggle, surrender, and grace to form wives who fight for their husbands, bring life with their words, and grow in deeper companionship together.

This week the microphones are in the hands of the men. Matt Kenney, Mark TeSlaa, Ron Jansen, and David Wilkins reflect on servant leadership, shared partnership, and the importance of a vertical orientation toward God. They explore how husbands can lead with humility, presence, and collaboration, embracing their wives as teammates rather than going it alone. With honesty and practical wisdom, they unpack how marriage challenges shape character, deepen friendship, and provide a mission for growing together in Christ-centered love.

This episode continues the conversation as host Stephanie TeSlaa and her husband, Mark, explore the role of a wife through the lens of Genesis. They examine the Hebrew phrase ezer kenegdo, uncovering the depth and strength of this role as God intended it. The conversation then turns to Genesis 3, where they look at how the Fall distorts God’s original design for marriage and introduces tension into roles meant to function in partnership. Together, they reflect on how understanding both design and distortion helps reframe marriage with clarity and hope.

In this foundational episode, host Stephanie TeSlaa sits down with her husband, Mark, to explore how our upbringing and experiences shape what we believe it means to be a husband and a wife. Together, they return to Genesis 1–2 to examine God’s original design for marriage and its place in His world before distortion enters the story. The conversation begins to unpack the role of a husband through the Hebrew words abad and shamar, framing leadership as a priestly calling of responsibility and care rather than power or control.

Money often reveals what we value, fear, and trust—especially in marriage. In this episode of The Marriage Huddle, we sit down with Matt and Madeline Boersen to explore how finances impact unity, decision-making, and trust between spouses. We talk about the money stories we bring into marriage, the tension that can arise, and the safeguards that help couples navigate finances together. This conversation invites couples to see marriage as a gift God uses to shape our hearts and steward what He’s entrusted to us.

Marriage doesn’t cancel your dreams, it reshapes them. In this episode, Aaron and Glori Goodrich get real about what happens when two visions collide and have to become one. Together with Stephanie TeSlaa, they unpack sacrifice, emotional maturity, and choosing unity without losing how God uniquely wired you. With honesty, humor, and practical wisdom, they share how conflict can actually refine a shared vision. If you’ve ever wrestled with how to pursue dreams without losing unity in marriage, this episode is for you.Discussion Questions:Do you relate more to the visionary side or the detail/discernment side in how you approach dreams and decisions?When dreams or ideas get shared in your relationship, what usually happens first: excitement, resistance, anxiety, or shutdown? Why do you think that is?How do your past experiences or family story influence the way you dream, plan, or slow things down in your marriage?Are there dreams (big or small) that one of you has felt hesitant to voice? What might help create more safety around sharing them?The conversation emphasized values like simplicity, generosity, and hospitality. Which values matter most to you as a couple, and what is one step you can take this week to live into them together?After listening to this episode, what is one practical change you could make to better honor each other’s gifts instead of working against them?

In our second episode with “Counselors in the Huddle, we welcome Gary and Lisa Heim—authors of True North: Choosing God in the Frustrations of Life—share how frustration, disappointment, and everyday pressures can quietly pull our hearts “south” in marriage. They unpack their True North framework and explore how God uses frustrating moments not to divide us, but to transform us as we learn to turn toward Him and toward one another.Drawing from their story and decades of counseling work, Gary and Lisa show how God can use frustrating moments to form us. They offer simple but powerful practices that help couples turn toward grace, gratitude, and deeper connection.Discussion Questions:When you think about the idea of going “south” versus turning “north,” what did you resonate with most from Gary and Lisa’s explanation?Where do you tend to go when you feel frustrated—toward grumbling, blame, withdrawal, grasping for control, or something else?How do you see God inviting us to turn “north” in this season—toward grace, openness, gratitude, or dependence on Him?What helps you feel safe and heard when you’re frustrated? What makes it harder? How can you invite God into that space to be more available to receive from your spouse?Where might we need to slow down and listen differently to each other during moments of tension or irritability?Gary and Lisa talked about grace and gratitude as pathways north. What’s one practical step we can take this week to move toward grace or gratitude in our relationship?What did God highlight for you individually through this conversation? What did He highlight for us as a couple?

God created us with desires—good and life-giving longings meant to draw us closer to Him and to one another. But when those desires are mishandled in marriage, they can quietly turn into demands that lead to disappointment and disconnection.In this episode, Matt and Renee explore how our desires can become a place where God does His refining work. They share how to bring those longings to Him first, communicate them with humility, invite His perspective when disappointment surfaces, and allow God’s grace to transform both our hearts and our marriage.This is a conversation about surrendering control, rediscovering gratitude, and letting God reshape our hearts so that our desires lead to connection, not division—drawing us closer to Him and to each other.Discussion QuestionsWhen you hear the words desires and demands, what comes to mind in the context of your marriage?What are some desires you brought into marriage that have changed or deepened over time?What do you notice about yourself when a desire starts to become a demand?In your relationship, which expectations tend to cause the most friction or misunderstanding?What helps you reorient your heart toward gratitude and grace instead of resentment or entitlement?Where might God be inviting you to release control and trust Him with a longing that hasn’t been fulfilled yet?

Grief touches every part of life — our hearts, our relationships, and the way we show up to one another. In this episode, Gary and Kathy Stowie share the story of a profound loss and how it shaped them individually and as a family. We’re also joined by Nancy Kingma, a counselor who walks with individuals and families through grief and trauma, offering insight into how couples can remain connected with compassion, patience, and grace. This tender conversation invites us to slow down, honor the weight of loss, and remember that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted.Discussion Questions:What stood out to you from Gary and Kathy’s story or from Nancy’s insights?How has grief touched your life or the life of those close to you?When you are hurting, how do you feel most cared for?What might it look like to simply be with someone in their grief rather than trying to fix it?How can we become more comfortable creating space for grief—in our marriages, friendships, and church family?Who in your life might be carrying grief quietly?For those currently experiencing grief, what has been challenging and what has helped? Where have you sensed God meeting you?

hey were doing all the right things—raising kids, building careers, keeping busy. But somewhere along the way, Greg and Kris Zimmer’s marriage started running on empty. What began as busyness turned into distance, and before they knew it, the divorce papers were on the table. In this episode, they share how God stepped in, woke them up, and began rebuilding a love that was nearly lost.Discussion Questions:What does busyness look like in your current season of marriage? How is it affecting your ability to connect?In what ways has “doing good things” (career, kids, church, commitments) ever distracted you from “being present” in your marriage?How do pride, avoidance, or exhaustion make it harder to admit when your relationship is in trouble?What are some healthy ways you and your spouse can check in on your connection before disconnection takes root?What does repentance or humility look like in marriage when one or both spouses realize things need to change?Do we need to make any changes in our marriage or family to prioritize a healthier marriage?

Letting go is not easy, especially when your child gets married and the responsibility you once carried shifts to their spouse and to God. In this episode, Stephanie TeSlaa talks with Bruce and Sue Osterink about what it looks like for parents to support that transition with grace. Through honest stories, practical wisdom, and even a roll of “holy duct tape,” they share how to stay loving and present without overstepping, helping your child’s marriage thrive.Discussion Questions:DQ1: How does seeing the importance of marital unity change the way you interact with your adult child(ren)?DQ2: How can you change your approach to family expectations—such as holiday, etc.—that may cause tension in your relationship with them or create stress in their marriage?DQ3: What does it look like to support your adult children's decisions when you do not agree with them?DQ4: In what ways can you shift your role from being your child’s first stop for support to encouraging them to go to their spouse first?DQ5: How do you and your spouse navigate tension in your own marriage that arises from the process of letting go?DQ6: If you realize you’ve unintentionally created a wedge in your child’s marriage, even years later, what steps can you take together to repair and support their relationship?

What does it really look like to leave your family and cleave to your spouse? In this episode of The Marriage Huddle, Dave and Jaclyn open up about the struggles and breakthroughs of prioritizing their marriage over old patterns and expectations. From navigating parents’ involvement to creating a cocoon for their relationship, they share the moments that tested their commitment—and the steps that brought resurrection to a marriage on the brink.DQ1: In what ways might your family of origin’s expectations or traditions be unintentionally shaping your marriage? How can you identify where “leaving and cleaving” might cause division or conflict?DQ2: Reflect on a time when external influences—parents, friends, or others—interfered with your marriage decisions. How could you have handled it differently?DQ3: What are some practical ways you and your spouse can create intentional “cocoon” time to focus on your relationship without outside distractions? How could that be beneficial?DQ4: How do you currently navigate loyalty between your spouse and your extended families? How does your spouse feel in relation to the loyalty you may hold for your own family?DQ5: Are there any recurring patterns of conflict in your marriage that could be tied to old family dynamics?DQ6: How could prioritizing your spouse above all others (except God) help develop unity, respect, and mutual submission?DQ7: If one or both of you have felt secondary in your marriage, what steps can you take to rebuild trust, closeness, or security?DQ8: As a couple, what is one actionable way you can “leave and cleave” this week—whether in conversation, decision-making, or boundary-setting?

Bitterness can quietly take root in any marriage—and Tim and Shayla Bassett know this firsthand. In this episode, they share how it distorted their view of each other and, with Stephanie TeSlaa, discuss how the stories we tell ourselves can fuel conflict and how to reset those narratives. They remind us that even painful struggles can become a pathway to a stronger, Christ-centered marriage.DQ1: When have you noticed bitterness or resentment creeping into your marriage? How did it show up in your words, actions, or thoughts?DQ2: What stories or assumptions do you catch yourself telling about your spouse that might not be true? How could challenging those narratives change your perspective?DQ3: How do you usually respond when conflict arises—do you lean toward avoidance, arguing, or something else? How could you try a different approach next time?DQ4: When you reflect on your own heart, what is one area where pride or selfishness might be fueling tension? How could you invite God to work there?DQ5: Can you think of a time when you and your spouse were able to restore connection after conflict? What helped most in that moment?DQ6: What’s one small step you could take this week to address bitterness in your heart or in your marriage?

If you know Nate and Jana English, you know laughter and good food aren’t far behind. In this episode, these parents of five share how joy, humility, and fun rooted in the Lord have shaped their marriage—from mealtime hospitality to adventures on the road. They talk honestly about staying connected through seasons of disconnection, seeing their table as a place of mission, and even reclaiming sex as a joyful, holy gift within marriage. With humor and heart, Nate and Jana remind us that a thriving marriage begins with serving each other in love.Resources: ⁠The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages: How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love⁠ by Marcus Warner and Chris M. CourseyDQ1: What’s one new thing you could try that your spouse enjoys? How can you intentionally weave both of your ideas of fun into future dates or time together?DQ2: Do you find it easier to be playful or practical in your marriage? Why do you think that is?DQ3: How have shared meals or time around the table drawn you closer as a couple?DQ4: What’s one new way you might like to bring food into your marriage rhythm—cooking together, trying a new recipe, or hosting others in your home?DQ5: What’s one “escape valve” (emotional, mental, or physical) that may be creating distance or disunity in your marriage?DQ6: How does viewing sex as a gift to be given, rather than something to get, reshape how you love and serve your spouse?DQ7: What is one thing God might be stirring in your heart from today’s conversation? How could you put that into practice this week?

In our first “Our Marriage, Our Mission” conversation, Stephanie TeSlaa sits down with Mike & Jamie Bartlett to talk about their journey with foster care and adoption. After planting Redemption City Church in Grand Rapids, the Bartletts—parents of four boys—felt called to open their home to teenage girls through foster care. In this episode, they share their story, the lessons they’ve learned, and how God has used their marriage as both a source of strength and provision for one another.DQ1: If you’re in a season of discouragement, what might God be calling you to release? (For Mike it was control; for Jamie it was her timeline.)DQ2: How does remembering that God is in control of every story—and that no one is beyond His redemption—challenge your current way of thinking?DQ3: What “rough edges” has God smoothed in your marriage through different seasons?DQ4: In what ways is your marriage already on mission together? How else might God be calling you to live missionally in your marriage?If you are a foster and adoption family, here are some additional discussion questions. DQ5: Where have you seen God’s faithfulness in your own journey with foster care or adoption?DQ6: How does Mike & Jamie’s story encourage you? What questions does it raise for you?DQ7: How might trying respite care help you discern God’s calling in foster care and discover what works best for your family?

From pornography and isolation to redemption and togetherness, Tony and Jen Schmid share how God rewrote the playbook of their marriage. In conversation with Stephanie TeSlaa, they unpack the burden of addiction, the gift of authentic community, and the miraculous healing that comes through confession.DQ1: Where might God be inviting you to pursue wholeness and restoration in your vertical relationship with Him? How could that impact your horizontal relationship with your spouse?DQ2: In what ways are you looking to your spouse as a functional savior—for security or safety? How might you release that expectation and instead hold on to Christ, the one true Savior?DQ3: What things in your life give you a sense of identity outside of Christ (titles, roles, appearance, accomplishments, etc.)? Share them with your spouse.DQ4: How might God be using a current struggle to bring you to the end of yourself, so He can bring light and redemption?DQ5: Confession is hard, but its benefits far outweigh the risks of exposure. What is one thing—big or small—that may need to be confessed in your marriage?DQ6: Who do you walk with? If you were in a crisis, who would you call? If no one comes to mind, how might fear of vulnerability be holding you back?

In this episode of The Marriage Huddle, Stephanie TeSlaa is joined by counselors Matt Kenney and Aaron Goodrich for the first installment of “Counselors in the Huddle.” Together, they take an honest look at both the encouragements and the challenges they see in marriages across West Michigan today. From navigating the pull of busyness to rebuilding healthy rhythms and finding deeper emotional intimacy, Matt and Aaron share practical insights and gospel-centered wisdom for couples longing to strengthen their connection.DQ1: How have you seen busyness–or a frantic pace–negatively affect your marriage? What would it look like to begin practicing the “pace of creation”?DQ2: Which area of your marriage—relational, emotional, physical, or spiritual—needs a better rhythm? What is one new rhythm you could begin practicing weekly?DQ3: Self reflect on the concept of ‘differentiation’–emotional diminishment (too far from emotions), or emotional domination (too close and dominating). Which “ditch” do you think you typically fall into? What about your spouse?DQ4: How might your differences actually serve as a provision or gift in your marriage?DQ5: Studies show prayer together is one of the strongest predictors of lasting marriages. What holds you back from praying with your spouse weekly? What is one commitment you can make to begin?DQ6: Kurt Thompson writes that in major conflict, 80% comes from the past and only 20% from the present. How does this change the way you see conflict in your marriage?

When Bruce and Sue first met, they carried the weight of second marriages—but 38 years later, their marriage tells a different story. In this episode of The Marriage Huddle, Stephanie sits down with the Osterinks to share how God reshaped their marriage through the pursuit of unity. Together, they talk about breaking free from old patterns of control and codependency, learning to seek God first, and discovering how their differences became gifts that deepen their life together.DQ1: How does choosing unity over compromise change the way you approach your marriage?DQ2: When are you tempted to take “the narrow road” and push for your way instead of seeking to understand your spouse’s perspective?DQ3: How does seeing your spouse’s differences as God’s provision and protection shape the way you value them?DQ4: If a husband’s role is not about authority but about leading the way in unity, how could that shift impact your marriage?DQ5: Praying together can result in softer hearts, better listening, and safe spaces. What is one way you can begin incorporating prayer into your marriage this week?DQ6: What “automatic” or “default” responses might be causing disunity in your marriage, and how can you begin to shift them?DQ7: What current decision or situation in your marriage is creating pressure because of timetables or deadlines, and how could you bring the mindset of unity into that decision instead?

Where did Crossroad’s Marriage Ministry begin—and how did God use some of the hardest seasons in marriage to build it? In this first episode of ‘The Marriage Huddle’, Stephanie and Mark sit down with Rod and Libby to share the story behind Crossroads’ marriage ministry. Together, they talk about how God redeemed each of their marriages, how their struggle shaped His call on their lives, and what it looks like to live on mission together as teammates.Questions for Reflection: Intended for couples or small groups to dive deeper into today’s episode.In what ways has a personal struggle made you more qualified to God’s call on your life?What expectations about marriage might God be calling you to surrender?How do you see your marriage currently living 'on mission'? Where do you sense God inviting you to be 'on mission' together?When are you most tempted to view your spouse as your enemy as opposed to your teammate? Are there specific circumstances, environments, or topics?In times of emotional conflict, what do you tend to turn to instead of the Lord? How does that impact your marriage?How do you and your spouse keep fun and enjoyment a regular part of your relationship?Oneness Guidebook Link: ⁠HERE