The Quiet Midlife: a podcast for men over 40

At the end of the last episode, I said that if you've been tired for longer than seems reasonable, this episode is for you. Most men who are sleeping badly think they have a sleep problem. What many of them actually have is a health problem that is expressing itself through sleep.  And the difference matters considerably.

At the end of the last episode, I said the numbers on male loneliness were not comfortable, and I meant it. Loneliness increases the risk of premature death by 26 per cent.  Cardiovascular disease by 29 per cent and dementia by 50 per cent. Time to take a look at what’s going on.

At the end of the last episode, I described depression in men as looking like irritability and withdrawal, working too hard and a glass too many in the evening. If that description landed somewhere  — if something in it felt familiar —  this episode is for you.

Most men put more research into buying a car than into understanding what makes a relationship last. This is probably not unrelated to the divorce statistics. But the research on what actually works turns out to be considerably more useful than anything in a car brochure.

At some point in your 40s or 50s, you walk into a room and can't remember why you're there. You assume the worst. / But what if the story your brain is telling you about getting older / is wrong in almost every direction that matters?

Your brain is producing emotions right now. Fear, loneliness, shame, tenderness — the full range. The question isn't whether men feel them. The question is what happens next. And that's where things get interesting.