PODCAST · comedy
The Timewaster 9000
by Timewaster 9000 Productions
A comedy-focused Magic: the Gathering podcast. Tune in to hear Miller and Alex yell about cardboard squares, and everything else the world has to offer.
Episodes
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The Zeta Set
The Timewaster 9000 Crew is here to talk about THE ZETA SET. Join us as we chat about crazy downshifts, cards might remember a little too fondly, and whatever's going on with some of the art in this set. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com/ Play our daily game!...
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Lands You Are Not Playing
The Timewaster 9000 Crew is here to talk about some lands we feel like fly under the radar. Join us as we talk about cheating at Modern FNM, damaging thousands of dollars worth of cards, and Russell Westbrook. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com/ Play our daily game!...
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The Reality Fracture Awards
The Timewaster 9000 Crew is here to talk about Reality Fracture and GIVE OUT SOME AWARDS! Join the crew as we talk about getting references, playing with Cloudpost, and what we'd like to do with your grandma. Like Tears in Rain (Odyssey Sac Land Cube):...
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Failed Cube Projects
The Timewaster 9000 Crew is here to talk about cube projects that just...didn't go anywhere. Tune in to see the longest opening bit of all time, a conversation about vanilla creatures, and the perfect way to draft in accordance with our Lord God. Like Tears in Rain (Odyssey Sac Land Cube):...
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Card Superlatives
The Timewaster 9000 Crew is here to talk about cards that are THE BEST...in very specific ways. Tune in to hear about who has The Best Eye, coning tables, and Chad Warden. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com/ Play our daily game! https://timewaster9000.com/stack/ Join our...
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Cards That Make Us Laugh 2
The Timewaster 9000 Crew is here to talk about MORE CARDS that make us laugh. Tune in to hear how bad Alex is at buying high and selling low, silly tricks with Syncopate, and getting your dog maced. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com/ Play our daily game!...
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Niche Formats
The Timewaster 9000 Crew is here to talk about HIDDEN GEM formats. We go over niche community formats and ways to play Magic that spark our curiosity, for better or for worse. Tune in to hear Alex guess if cards from other games are good, to see if Miller knows what's really worth a cent, and how...
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Atlanta Highlander Recap
The Timewaster 9000 Crew has returned with a recap on recent developments in Atlanta Highlander! Join us to hear stats and figures, stories about cards that we used to play, and whether or not True Name Nemesis is an interesting game piece. More info about Atlanta Highlander:...
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Cards with Bad Vibes
The Timewaster 9000 Crew chats about cards with rancid vibes. Cards that we just plain dislike for no reason other than what they are. Join us as we chat about things that aren't quite Universes Beyond, nonbinary excellence, and the beauty of Looney Tunes. Find all our social medias here:...
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The Pet Card Bracket
The Timewaster 9000 Community Discord has rallied together to create the ULTIMATE pet card bracket. Join us today as these cards go head to head to see which is truly deserving of any love. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com/ Play our daily game!...
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Scryfall Randoms II
The Timewaster 9000 Crew chats about...cards. Just random cards. Whatever shows up using Scryfall's random card feature! Join us as we chat about Universes Beyond power creep, secret hidden chudlings, and the evil intentions behind YouTube comments. Find all our social medias here:...
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Our Favorite Modern Decks
The Timewaster 9000 Crew chats about Modern decks, old and new, that we have a soft spot for. Join us as we chat about a million ways to play Lightning Bolt, getting bad haircuts, and Miller's Giant Meat. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com/ Play our daily game!...
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Some of Our Favorites
The Timewaster 9000 Crew chats about cards that we have a very specific fondness for. Join us as we talk about how you know you've lost when your opponent casts a certain cantrip, cutting other people's hair, and how Hulk Hogan might be responsible for that terrible tragedy in 2002. Find all our...
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Wrong Rarity
The Timewaster 9000 Crew chats about cards that have misplaced rarities, from common all the way to mythic. Join us as we talk about unplayable cards that somehow also cost too much mana, misplaying with Thought Scour, and sickness-induced delirium. Find all our social medias here:...
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Timewaster 9000 Cube Event Recap
The Timewaster 9000 Crew chats about a recent collaboration event with Shattered TCG! Join us as we chat about Alex's Module Cube, getting commander players to draft, running out of basics at the land station, and Piggy Bank. Alex's Module Cube: https://cubecobra.com/cube/list/modulecube Miller's...
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Sleeper Cards
The Timewaster 9000 Crew chats about cards we thought would be straight buns, but turned out to be pretty good. Tune in to hear us chat about being wrong since 2019, picking the wrong deck for a big tournament, and having bronchitis at the Regional Championship. Find all our social medias here:...
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Types of Guy
The Timewaster 9000 Crew chats about the lovely (and not so lovely) types of people you'll encounter at your friendly neighborhood game store. Join us to chat about guys too stupid to tell if they're cheating, people who force their partners to play commander, and microwaving frogs. Find all our...
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Our Favorite Bannings
The Timewaster 9000 Crew thanks our lucky stars that these cards have been banned. Join us as we talk about Wizard's design mistakes, a commander table for one, and messing with people's dice while they're going off. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com/ Join our community...
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Heroes & Villains Part 2
The Timewaster 9000 Crew revisits an old classic: separating things into a clean good versus evil binary. Join us to hear about why people hate affinity, dying on turn one, and who to root for when you're watching a random game of Magic. Find all our social medias here…
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Archetypes That Need Some Love
The Timewaster 9000 Crew looks back at archetypes and creature types that feel like they've been lost to time, or just need a new wave of support to make real. Tune in to hear us chat about Stewart Griffin, getting baited by Modern Storm, and Miller inflicting horrible pranks on Alex. Find all…
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Atlanta Highlander
The Timewaster 9000 Crew revisits a local favorite: Atlanta Highlander! Join us as we talk about favorite strategies, funny Dark Depths stories, and try (and fail) to do math. Atlanta Highlander rules & banlist here: https://www.tumblr.com/atlantahighlander Find all our social medias here:...
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LAMP Control
The Timewaster 9000 Crew ventures into the horrifying unknown. A world uncharted: building a Commander deck. Join us as we sit down to build around a community suggestion, and argue about whether or not Mishra's Bauble does anything, what commanders actually draw aggro, and whether or not a deck…
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The Tappedout Deep Dive
The Timewaster 9000 Crew goes BACK TO THE PAST...by visiting a regularly updated website. Join us as we explore old FNM decks that can't win a game, pauper brews older than some of your friends, and Miller changing his shirt. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com Join our...
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Where Do We Put These
The Timewaster 9000 crew is back again to talk about cards we just CANNOT find a home for. Tune in to hear us chat about fringe playables, unplayables, and a LOT about Pokemon VGC. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com Join our community Discord!…
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Old vs New
The Timewaster 9000 crew is asking the age old question: is new thing bad? Join us as we talk about Old Frame Theory, cards that do too much, cards that don't do enough, and the hit PBS animated series Cyberchase. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com Join our community...
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The Secrets of Strixhaven Awards
The Timewaster 9000 crew is going back to back to school. We've got some awards to give to our FAVORITE cards from Secrets of Strixhaven. Tune in to hear us chat about super seniors, cards that we're definitely falling for, and much more. Find all our social medias here…
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Getting Resourceful
Are lands bad? Does mana screw and mana flood make Magic the worst game ever? Would it be really easy to have an orangutan as a pet? All these questions and more are answered by the Timewaster 9000 crew as we dive head first in the things we love and hate about the resource systems of every card...
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These Decks Sucked
Miller and Alex have been playing Magic: the Gathering for years, and in that time they've played more than their fair share of horrible, unlovable decks. Join the Timewaster 9000 crew today to hear about playing at the worst game store ever, decks that can't win a game, and going to time in game...
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Cards We Thought Would Be Good
Every preview season, new and exciting cards get printed into the world of Magic: the Gathering, and only a select few make it to the upper echelons of playability. Today, the Timewaster 9000 crew takes a look at all the times we got it wrong. Tune in to hear us talk about decks that could've…
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Cards We Hate
The Timewaster 9000 crew breaks their positivity streak and dedicates a whole episode to the cards we DESPISE. These unlovable pieces of cardboard grind our gears, and we want it to be known. Tune in to hear us talk about supposed "constructed staples", if mana is too good nowadays, and the…
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We Answer Your Questions
We put out the call for YOUR questions, and now we're going to answer them! Join the Timewaster 9000 crew to find out the hidden meaning behind life's greatest mysteries, or at least hear our pretty bad Dusty Rhodes impression. Find all our social medias here: https://timewaster9000.com Join our...
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We Love Cube
It's true folks. We love cube and we don't care who knows. Join the Timewaster 9000 crew as we talk about the beauty of playing cube, curating a cube, drafting cube, and losing to absolutely miserable pieces of cardboard in cube. Tune in to hear us talk about all your permanents being face down,...
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The Homelands Awards
Come one, come all! It's the small set that Wizards wishes we'd forget about: HOMELANDS! The Timewaster 9000 Crew sits down to talk shop about a set that some claim might be the worst in the history of the game. Tune in to hear us chat about confusing rules, cards that suck that you can never…
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The Turtle Set
Miller and Alex are so excited about these new turtles! Join the Timewaster 9000 crew as we chat about turtles, tortoises, snapping turtles, box turtles... the whole nine yards! Or stick around to hear us talk about going overseas, kicking the crap out of your friends, and Maxwell Jacob Friedman....
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Scryfall Randoms
The Timewaster 9000 crew is back to talk about...cards. Just cards. We're on the beautiful search engine Scryfall and slamming the random button, talking about anything and everything that comes up. Join in to hear us talk about how many lands to play if you're cheating, being braindead at big...
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The Commander Banlist
The Timewaster 9000 crew takes on the arduous task of figuring out every single card on the EDH banlist, and seeing if we can make heads or tails of it. Tune in to hear us chat about wasting people's time, getting trapped in games by bad faith actors, and the man with the firm handshake. Find all...
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Cards That Need Some Love
Miller and Alex celebrate the upcoming Valentine's Day in their own special way, by showing love to cards that don't get it as much anymore. Tune in to see the gang talk about bad midrange decks, cards with too many words on them, and the horrible original printed text of Oubliette. Find all of…
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Our Fan Formats
The gang is stuck in the computer, so why not look around the world wide web at our favorite home-made ways to play Magic? Miller and Alex go through several formats of their own design, talking about decklists and fun tournaments in the process. Tune in to hear about budget formats, rule warping...
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Ranking the Sets of 2025
The crew is back to talk about everything that came out in 2025, and since we're disgusting little piggies who love to dig around in the mud, we're presenting it as a TIER LIST!! Join Miller and Alex as we talk about Magic sets that actually have real Magic cards in them, guys in high-vis vests,...
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Art Critics
Join Miller and Alex for a delightful dive into the dizzying highs and horrifying lows of Magic: the Gathering art. The crew has become more sophisticated than ever, so tune in to hear our opinions on Phil Foglio, Rebecca Guay, and pictures of Iron Man. Find all of our social medias here:...
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The Lorwyn Eclipsed Awards
LORWYN IS BACK! The Timewaster 9000 crew is so excited about the set we took a whole episode to talk about cards that stood out to us, good and bad. Join us as we wax poetic about how Old Stuff is Good, getting way too high, and Oko's print. Find everywhere we post on our website:...
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Emergency Draft
Happy New Year! Miller and Alex dive into a hypothetical so stupid only they could come up with it: what if every NBA player in the world had to be replaced with Magic: the Gathering cards? Join the crew as we talk about how to get out of paying for urgent care, unethical hoops, and a returning...
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Heroes & Villains
Every story has a hero, and every hero needs a villain. Miller and Alex talk about their favorite Magic: the Gathering decks that they feel like fit one of those two categories. From the plucky underdogs, to the format-warping megalomaniacs, every deck finds a home somewhere on the spectrum. Join...
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Magical Christmas Land
Ho ho ho, etc. Miller and Alex hop feet first into the spirit of giving with an episode about elves, Gruul cards, and some gifts given as well. Cozy up by the fire and listen to some stories about Alex buying cards for too much money, people dying to draft rares, and maybe Miller being a little…
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Custom Cards
After multiple episodes complaining about the state of Magic, Miller and Alex put their money where their mouths are and make their own custom Magic: the Gathering cards. Stick around to hear about stealing catalytic converters, getting booty butt naked, and the evil that lies at the heart of all...
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Tag Yourself
Miller and Alex talk about their starting 5 for a Magic basketball team, the beauty of the Scryfall Tagger system, and try to solve the age old mystery of "Is Miller a filthy cheater?" Follow us at our socials! https://www.instagram.com/timewaster9k/ https://x.com/timewaster9k...
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We Fix Universes Beyond
Join Alex and Miller as they talk about the "beautiful" world of cross promotion in Magic: the Gathering, and stick around to hear their pitches for would-be tie-ins. Follow us at our socials! https://www.instagram.com/timewaster9k/ https://x.com/timewaster9k…
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A Trip to Flavor Town
Miller and Alex talk with our dear friend Oliver about the highs and lows of flavor text in Magic: the Gathering. Follow us at our socials! https://www.instagram.com/timewaster9k/ https://x.com/timewaster9k https://www.tiktok.com/@timewaster9000 Watch the accompanying video here!...
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Cards That Make Us Laugh
Welcome to the show! Miller and Alex get together in our first episode ever to talk about cards that make us laugh. Twitter: https://x.com/timewaster9k Watch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheTimewaster9000Podcast If you'd like to be a monthly supporter with benefits, check out our...
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does The Timewaster 9000 have?
The Timewaster 9000 currently has 49 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is The Timewaster 9000 about?
A comedy-focused Magic: the Gathering podcast. Tune in to hear Miller and Alex yell about cardboard squares, and everything else the world has to offer.
How often does The Timewaster 9000 release new episodes?
The Timewaster 9000 has 49 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to The Timewaster 9000?
You can listen to The Timewaster 9000 on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts The Timewaster 9000?
The Timewaster 9000 is created and hosted by Timewaster 9000 Productions.
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