The Trauma Nerd

You're probably pretty good at the soft stuff. The kindness, the compassion, the not being too hard on yourself. Good. Keep doing that.But that's only half of good parenting. The other half has a fire to it, and most of us are accidentally skipping it.This episode covers:Why self-discipline is an act of love, not punishmentThe "it's not my fault-itis" problem and why dodging accountability is actually unkind to yourselfWhy shame is a terrible motivator and what the research says to use insteadWhy judging your feelings adds a second layer of distress on top of the firstWhy your environment is a self-parenting issueSpoiler: I saw myself in all five.If you've ever wondered why being kind to yourself isn't quite working, listen to this.🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube 📩 Join the mailing listFollow Helen: @helenbillows

You pull over, hands shaking, absolutely raging. How dare they. What is wrong with that person. You're furious.Except you're not, really. Underneath that rage is something far more vulnerable, and your body knows it before you do.This episode is a simple, fast-acting tool for discharging anger from the body, the kind that flares up after a trauma trigger or a genuine threat. I also tell you about the night a driver tailgated me through the Adelaide Hills, and how I went from raging to sobbing in about 30 seconds flat.This episode covers:How to discharge angry energy using your body, in 30-second burstsWhy anger is so often a protective top layer, and what's usually hiding underneath itA real road rage story and the technique working in real timeWhy this exact emotional trajectory is what we see in EMDR processingWhen to use this tool, and when definitely not toIt's a coping strategy, not a cure (and get medical clearance before going full effort). If you've got anger that feels bigger than the moment, listen now.🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube 📩 Join the mailing listFollow Helen: @helenbillows

You judge yourself for being judgy. Then you judge yourself for judging your judgeme—ok, we're already exhausted.In this episode Helen discusses how judgements are relevant to trauma work, and how to figure out what your judgy thoughts are actually trying to tell you.Your judgment isn't the enemy. It's pointing to something. This week, follow it.🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube 📩 Join the mailing listFollow Helen: @helenbillows

“You might feel worse before you feel better”. It sounds like a disclaimer, a therapist butt-covering exercise if you will. I used to think so too. But after many years of doing trauma and EMDR therapy, I have learned that you can absolutely feel worse before you feel better. It is legit, but it does deserve some attention, because feeling worse and getting worse are not the same thing.That distinction changes everything about how you interpret what's happening when trauma therapy gets difficult.This episode covers:• The difference between feeling worse and actually getting worse• The dust on the mirror effect: what it is, why it happens, and why it's actually a good sign• Why the worst thing you can do when therapy gets hard is stop• What the research actually says about clinical deterioration from EMDRIf you've ever had a rough week after a therapy session and wondered whether you should keep going, listen to this.🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple or Youtube 📩 Join the mailing listFollow Helen: @helenbillows