The Unfolding Podcast

YVONNE WINK (00:04.216)Welcome back to the Unfolding podcast. Today's conversation is about resilience, reinvention, identity, and what happens when life completely changes the plan you had for yourself. Our guest lost the thing she loved most, not once, but twice.Dance wasn't just something she did. It was part of who she was. And when that identity disappeared, she had to figure out who she was without it.But what makes her story so extraordinary is that she didn't come back through the front door. She came back through persistence, through heartbreak, through surgery, through a pandemic, through starting over at an age when most people in the dance world would tell you that it's already too late. She wasn't professionally trained. She was self-taught.Initially.Instead of waiting for permission, she created her own lane. This is why I'm so proud of her. Ha ha. This is a story about finding yourself, losing yourself, and realizing that maybe your life wasn't falling apart at all. Maybe it was unfolding. Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host, friend, and your girl, Yvonne Wink. Thank you for being here with me.I want you to meet a dear friend of mine. Her name is Brittany, and I've known her for how long have we known each other? Years. It's like five years. Five years. Yeah. Ha ha ha! I can't wait till you guys see her. She's so cute, so precious. And I am so excited to share her story. I've known her story, I've watched all of this happen from start to where she is today, five years later, and I can't be more proud. I'm so excited.To introduce you to Miss Brittany and let's hear about her story. Brittany, I want you to take me back to the beginning. So, before the surgery, before the pandemic, before all of this, I want you to tell us what dance meant to you. Who were you? when you pictured your future, what did you believe your life would look like? Did dance feel like something you loved, or did it feel like part of your identity?Hi. Hi. Dance was dance was my absolute everything as a kid, everything. I was the girl at sleepovers. most people wake up, eat breakfast, you know, maybe watch their favorite cartoons. I was like, you guys, let's make up a dance. I saw this video, let's recreate it. You know, I'm talking like eight years old. I love it. I was the girl that woke everyone up at six AM with choreography ready in my brain.You know, wanted to be the next Britney Spears. I wanted to be on stage. I was in every kind of jazz class, cheerleading class, I was a ice skater. all of the above. Dance and creation was just permanently on my mind. The more I was moving, the more I was dancing, the more I was, you know, in a team setting, but also shining solo. you know, as a kid. I just I that is where I thrived. I absolutely thrived off that as a kid. That was my life.I would say that was all from z age zero to maybe age like twelve. Yeah. That was me. Yeah. Do you remember a time that you knew that you were a dancer? Like, you know, maybe two or five, did you go, I'm dancer. This is my life. This will be my life. Yes. I was in front of the TV watching a live show. I was so young I don't even remember the artist.But my mom said I was literally like dancing in the living room, like while the person on TV was dancing. And I knew like, I just knew I was always, I wanted when I would see people on stage in a movie or anything, I'm like, that's gonna be me. Like that's absolutely gonna be me. So I think it just started since I can have a memory, you know, since I can remember my memories. Wow. Wow. I love that. then life interrupted that plan of yours, didn't it?Yeah. Yeah. You had sur surgery that forced you to step away from dance completely, not just a little fix-it thing, where we're going to just take a little break and maybe put a cast on something and but you stepped away from dance completely. And I want you to take me into that moment. I wanna know I think listeners wanna know what was happening, what were you experiencing,What did it feel like emotionally during that time? And did it feel temporary when you stepped away from it? Or did it feel like the door had closed forever? I think a lot of people underestimate how painful identity loss can be. So when dance disappeared, did it feel like you disappeared too? Yeah, so obviously I went to college, you know, life life happened and all that, but I've but I've always been dancing in some capacity, you know?Maybe not professionally, but I've just I've always been dancing, whether it be in a Zumba class, at a club, go go dancing. I have a a really big go go background, which is all freestyle, right? So I haven't really been in a professional dance space since I was like twelve, you know. again I'd been on several stages throughout my life and but you know, no choreography classes, nothing like that yet, right? but you know, maybe I was gonna get there one day.Well, I didn't have the chance because during not only the worst time for like the world, the pandemic. yeah, so something pretty awful happened to me. I was having pain in my abdomen and I went to go get it checked out and I thought it was just like, you know, normal woman stuff. Maybe I have a cyst, you know, because that's kinda normal in a woman's life. I got some tests, I got an ultrasound, I gotx-rays, CT scan, all that. And they were like, you need emergency surgery. You have two grapefruit size tumors. actually at the time they thought it was just one tumor on one of my ovaries, right? So they're like, we need to remove this immediately. It wasn't it wasn't like, let's check it out. Let's no no no they like this is this is like you could hemorrhage and die. This thing is huge. We need to have emergency surgery. And I was like, okay, not ideal, but it doesn't sound like the end of the world.They're like worst case scenario, we're just gonna take an ovary, you're totally fine, right? We're we're gonna do it laparoscopically, it'll be like, boom, you're back, you're back and ready to go, right? well, something pretty devastated happening. They went in to do the surgery and I woke up from surgery and they were like, so I was like, Did you get it? I like w did you take the ovary? Are we good? And they're like, No, we had to close you back up. They're like, Unfortunately, this is really, you know, hard to say, butWe have to close you we had to close you up because we need your permission to have a second surgery. I'm like, why would you need my permission? And they said, Well, it's not one tumor, it's two. It's two massive tumors enveloping your fallopian tubes and they're unsavable. And so they said, We can't take your fallopian tubes when you're asleep because we need to your permission because you will be infertile for the rest of your life. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold how old were you? I wasright right at the top of 30 pretty much. Yeah. And, you know, I had actually been trying. Me and my husband actually were trying. I stopped birth control. We were actively trying to have a baby actually. you know, I was we were ready. We'd been married for a bit. you know it was time. and so yeah, to hear that not only would I have to be healing, I could see the stitches from surgery number one and I'd had to look at them every day, but I would have to heal for a second surgery to then takethe ability to have children. There's no way around it. And there were actually and by that time, like I couldn't really do anything because if I had any like crazy movement to me, you know, they could burst and I could hemorrhage and die, right? So I just the thing that I love most, moving around and dancing, I had to stop. Like I couldn't move because I had was awaiting my second surgery and a very ceiling and final fate. which was really hard to take. so yeah, thatstopped everything. It stopped I couldn't even move, let alone dance. I I I I was healing I had to heal from one surgery and then the second surgery happened. The amount of papers that I had to sign that said, Are you sure you consent to us taking your fallopian tubes? Like you will never be able to naturally have children ever in your life. Do you consent? The amount of times I had to sign that stupid am I allowed to swear? Yes. That stupid fucking piece of paperNo, never on my podcast. And I and I was like and I'm just like, it was, it was, it was devastating. There's no other word for it. There's no other word for it. It was I was that I was it. I was done as a person. So you're mourning, you're mourning losing everything you love, dancing, moving your body, feeling healthy, being young, vivacious, and the fact that you areNever going to have children naturally. Yes. Did you think that the feeling you were experiencing was temporary or did you feel like this is my life? I thought I the word I can use was the finality of it. It was like it was just like this flashing word in my head like this is final, this is unreversible. Like this is it. You know, like it was just it was it was soul shattering, honestly. Yeah.Yeah. You've spoken openly about struggling during that season. And I wanna stay in this moment for a bit because I think so many people that are listening can relate to this. I wanna I want to ask you, what did that chapter actually look like day to day for you?I I mean I'm talking. We want I want to hear the good, the bad and the ugly. And I know and I and it this isn't to glamorize it. This is really to I want people to identify because our stories are very similar, zero to do with dance, right? But your journey, my journey, and thousands and thousands of other women's journey are very similar. So if you can talk to me about that, what did your what did day to day look like? Did you struggle to get out of bed? Did you lose motivation?Did you feel disconnected from yourself? Did it feel like life was moving forward for everyone else while you're just stuck standing still? and what was the hardest part of that season? Talk to us. So I think we're looking at two things here. Number one, the devastation of losing like your reproductive organs. Yeah. And then the actual weight of a pandemic. This was happening at the exact same time. This was at the height. I'm talking like March, April.of twenty twenty. This was like so my day to day, again we have this added we have this added thing of the pandemic. So my situation was quite unique. my day to day it was absolutely hard to get out of bed. I am one of the most energetic, motivated you are high energy human beings. I love when I see you. I love when I get to hang with you. Borderline ADHD over here. So I'm like I'm just high see squirrels together. We're like squirrel, squirrel, squirrel. Exactly.and so like for me to be low energy and for me to be in a sense like hopeless and it like you know something's drastically wrong with my personality because I I remember the first time I ever woke up and I thought, what is the point? I was like honestly, that one gets me because like I'm such a I love life and it was like I was like, what is the point today? What am I gonna do today? What is the fucking point?And the when I had that thought I scared my own self because that pfft that is so outside of my thought process, you know. Like Well you had so much to live for weeks before. Yeah. Right? A b of family, babies, your dance career, all of it. Yeah, I you know, I even when I wasn't like even when I was just dancing for fun and go-go dancing, like I knew it was gonna go somewhere someday, right? And like at this moment, like I could think about nothing else. Like there was that wasn't even a thought.I I was just so devastated beyond belief. but my day-to-day, there was a lot of drinking involved to be honest. Like we all love a cocktail, okay? Like we all do. There's nothing wrong with that. I love a few cocktails. But at this time during the pandemic, I found myself on like those social Zoom calls, you know, with your friends, we'd play cards, we'd play like poker, and I would be like pouring tequila into my champagne. Like everyone's like drinking their cute little seltzers, and here I was mixing like three different alcohols, and I just didn't give a shit.You know, I and then I always say this and this is where I learned don't ever drink when you're sad. I only drink for celebratory reasons now. Vacations, if I have a you know, if I have a show. Are you listening to that? Yes. J yeah. Don't ever drink when you're sad. I would find myself drinking more and what the more I drank, the sadder I got. Ooh. You know, and I would li I literally cried on my kitchen floor. And also, you know, my my normal person job was laid off. I wasI that's another thing. I had just gotten a job in my field in which I graduated college for. You know how hard that is in this world? What's that? I went to school for broadcast journalism and TV production and I got a job with the Lakers and Dodgers doing production. yeah, and I I bought a new car. I bought I was like my fancy new job. I bought a brand new SUV, like my first new car, and yeah, then you know laid off to due to the pandemic. So my husband was still working at the time. SoAdd in him being gone and me with my depression and my own thoughts with alcohol? Like it was horrifying. It was, I was a shell of my own self. Yet somehow you kept going. You didn't quit on yourself. What made you keep getting up? What made you put the cocktail down? what made you get out of bed? Was there a moment where you decided?I don't know how this gets better yet, but I know I'm not done. Yes, it started with movement. I actually looked up what, because it said you can't exercise for two and a half weeks. That's my whole identity is movement, right? Again, even if it's not, even if it wasn't professional dancing at the time, it was still movement. It was still dance. Like I was doing it all the time, every day on some level, whether it be in a class, on a stage, go-go dancing. and so I looked up.I was like, fuck this. I'm not gonna sit here for two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, whatever. I'm not doing it. It was like a two-month recovery. I'm like, no. So I very carefully looked up, what do girls that have babies, ironically, how do they work out after they have a C-section? You know, what what do they do? Of course they have to walk around, they have care for a baby. Maybe I can start small. So I found these little ab, little baby crunch exercises, and that's what it started with. Wow. And then it started with the stairs. I live across theThe beach. I live across two blocks from the beach. There's this huge concrete staircase that I would huff and puff every time I went up it. But this time I was like, that's gonna be I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go up and down this five times every single day. And I did, and that's what I look forward to. That started getting me out of bed. I'm getting emotional. I so am I. My gosh, I'm a Scorpio. I'm not supposed to get this emotional. my gosh. so I would go down the up and down those stairs, and I would be like, that's what would get me out of bed.And then it was six laps, then it was seven laps, and that staircase became so special to me. And then, yeah, and then it was walking. I never walked anywhere that much. I'd walk two, three miles. You know, if I I would walk to the grocery store. I had a car, I had my new car that I couldn't afford because I was laid off. But you know what? I would choose to bring a backpack to the grocery store. Like these little things, like the when the world was shut down, there was no interactions with people. I had my own brain and my own thoughts and my own.Willpower and it started cover of mass and everyone else's face is covered. Yeah, and it that's how it started and it started with movement and then the biggest biggest change. Then I saw on Instagram somebody was teaching a dance class on Zoom. Wow. That changed everything for me in that moment. It was my very first choreography class I ever took as an adult, ever, past the age of twelve. Up until that point it was all go-go dancing. It was all for fun.Okay, I I want you to keep going here because this is what I love about your story is that you weren't coming back with years and years of professional training, world-renown training, right? The best dance schools. You were largely self-taught. So you weren't returning to something you'd already mastered. Especially now you're having to see this on Zoom, right? You're not there in the physical, moving your body with others, and you were building.All of this from scratch. And so tell us what that process was like. Teaching yourself, starting over, learning as you went along. did you ever look around and think, what in the hell am I doing here? In my living room on Zoom. Absolutely. Talk to us about that. What was that like? This was such an interesting state of mind because I had been a dancer my entire life, not professionally, right? I have just I've of I've been on it.lot of stages in in Vegas, Chicago, again in the EDM world, go-go dancing, right? And I'm always been the girl at the club, you know, jumping up on top of the bar, like creating a whole performance. I've always been the girl to create the dances, like let's do this dance, let's get it on video, right? But no professional training. And so that was kind of basically my first thing as an adult was that Zoom class. And so you have this idea of I'm such a good mover. Dance lives in me. Like I know I'm a good dancer. I am dance.But this choreography stuff, I'm like, this is this is somebody else's choreography learning it on a Zoom call. I'm like, I look like a I never danced a day in my life. So I was living in this weird parallel universe of like, why is my body doing this? I am a dancer my whole life. But what is what is this choreography stuff? So it was a really cool juxtaposition and very humbling to be like, I'm this is from scratch. Like and it was heels dancing too, mind you.girl, you know I know that. I've taken one of her heels. We'll get there. I know. Wait, but I w keep talking about that, but I want you to also sprinkle in. I want to talk a little bit about age. Because on top of all of this, the dance world can can put enormous pressure on people, right? there's this unspoken message that if you haven't made it young, well, you've missed your chance. you startedAfter the age of 30, correct? Correct. And for people outside of dance, they may not understand why that's such a big deal, but inside the dance world, that's wild. So did people and I know I'm gonna say this gently because I know people can't make you feel anything, but did they make you feel behind? did you ever make yourself feel behind?And how did you keep showing up when the industry narrative said your window has already closed, ma'am? This is such a good one. Okay. So that is something that like hit me in the face like a ton of bricks, right? So let's let's jump ahead of that. You're doing this, and you're like, wait, what? I can't wait, I have to be howled. So yeah, that that's a big one. So here here I am jumping forward, right? So I did these Zoom classes.It was something I look forward to every week. You know, I started to get the hang of it. I was like, this is great. This is awesome. in-person classes opened up, right? And I'm like, let's do it. I was like a chomping at the bit. I'm like, put me in, coach. Like this is, I I'm fully addicted to this. I'm making this my whole identity now. I'm gonna train in every class I can. I'm gonna do this and that. So I get into these classes and I'm like, I am l older by a long shot in these classes, right? Again, do I think 30s is old?Absolutely not. I'm proud of it. But you know what? In a in a dance setting, I mean there was little there was like eighteen, nineteen, twenty-one, twenty-two, we're talking, right? And I was like, and in-person learning was a lot different. And I I was like, this is not the my living room anymore. This is like these people are so good. So what I was so excited about, I was quickly like deflated because I'm like, my gosh, my age, did I start too late? no, this thing that I found joy in, this thing that I'mI'm addicted to this thing I wanna take by the balls and like run with it. Like the thing that I'm so sure that I'm supposed to do. I was like, wait a minute. I'm a lot older than these people. And I'm I haven't been training professionally in LA like these girls that were born with a ballet slipper like in their mouth. Yeah. Like, you know, and I'm like, You know, so you start to like the doubt creeps in. Yeah. You know, cause like this is the LA dance world. This is yeah, this is an and you I II did just start in LA. I didn't just start dancing. I know. But I I was you went straight to the top. I I started from scratch as a dancer in LA. Like from actual scratch, which is like pretty unheard of to be honest. It is. And it's actually one of my favorite parts of your story because you didn't wait for permission. You didn't wait until you felt ready. You didn't wait till you felt ready. Listen to this, guys, gals. You didn't wait until you felt ready. You didn't wait for someone to validate you.For someone to put a crown on your head and say, okay, you're next. You created your own lane. And I freaking love that about you. What does that phrase mean to you today? And what would you say to someone listening who believes they've missed their moment? the the the notion that you created your own lane. Talk to us about that. This is this is my my entire motto now. Now I'm a teacher, I'm a creative director.I am a dancer in this world, and not a single person, not a single person.gave me my start in any sort of professional job. I had friends along the way. shout out to Skye, one of my early mentors and supporters. you know, she took me to my first LA audition and I'm like, Skye, I'm not ready. And she's like, when are you ever gonna be? you just do it. And I ended up booking it. My first job, my first audition, I booked it. You know, but y you know, fast forward likeI now realize in this dance world, the only advocate is yourself. The only person that's gonna fail or succeed is because of your own self, right? Obviously, there's, you know, there's clicks, there's networking, there's dance politics, but my entire motto is what you just said now. I didn't see a lane for myself. I created one. wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Say that again. Say it again slowly and loudly. I saw no lane for myself. No one gave me permission. I gave myself permission and I created my own lane.I went against I went against so many norms in the dance world. Like, for instance, EDM, not a lot of commercial dancers are dancing to drum and bass, techno, house, tech house. You know, I've I've shouted it from the rooftops. That has been my favorite music since I was old enough to like that music, since it came out. You taught me you shed a few bands with me. What do they call? Artists. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, DJs. Yeah. DJs, artists.But yeah, and you know, like if I wanted to work with a brand early on, I'm like, but I don't have a check mark next to my name. I'm not famous. I haven't worked with Ariana Grande. You know what? But I am someone and I'm not twenty one. I use my age as a superpower, you know? I was like, when I turned that around, like, man, I haven't been on tour and I'm not 19, it's like, hell yeah, you haven't. You've done a lot more and a lot differently. And, you know, you have so many different accolades and just because people don't know about them, I know about them. I know my experience and I know my strengths.And if I want to work with that brand, you know what? I'm gonna DM them. I'm gonna ask them. I at first I was like, but I'm not famous enough, you know, I only have like a thousand followers, like blah blah blah. But no, I reached out and the very first brand ever that I worked with, it's because I just reached out and I told them my concept, I told them my idea, and then I ended up doing three more brand collabs with them. So no you I I stopped waiting. Right. I love that. I love that. wow, I'm speechless here.You and I have talked about this before. Dance obviously can be incredibly beautiful, right? the artistry, the connection, the creativity. But I also think it's important to talk about the parts people don't see. So, what are some things that outsiders misunderstand about the dance world? What are the beautiful parts? We'll talk about that first. And then what are some of the more harder realities?Yeah, so I say let's start with the beautiful parts of dance. Yes. Is the community. The community can actually be, especially in the pandemic, I think that we were all craving so much togetherness and camaraderie. And like I found some of my best friends through dance. You know, and I'm not from here. I'm from Chicago. Shout out to my midwives. and you know, like finding I think having like minded individuals that that train and have the samemovement values as you and you know try new things with each other. I think that sense of camaraderie is one of most beautiful parts of dance. I also think that there isn't just a a beautiful part is that there isn't just one lane for dance. There is so many different lanes. I think that's a huge misconception from an to an outsider, maybe a non-dancer is like dance is dance. That's your only job. You you you're on a stage and you dance. Absolutely not.There's so many things to explore. There is so many avenues with direction and behind the scenes, in front of the scenes, teaching, workshops. You know, there's just so much more to it. And I think dancers are put in a little box sometimes to the outside world. And I think the beauty of it is there's so many different lanes. And I think probably the number one most beautiful thing is when I started teaching. I knew I was I knew I I'm I've always been a teacher inside because I don't just teach steps. I think one of the coolest things and the mostbeautiful parts of dance is hearing someone else's story about what I did for their mental health through dance. That's probably one of the most rewarding things in the world to me. is like s I mean I I dance with single mothers, biomedical engineers, you know, homeowners, travelers, you know, like not just professional dancers are in this industry. And the fact that I get to, you know, be a part of their story, I I think is absolutelybeautiful. some of the not so great parts of dance I would say is the mental health aspect. I don't think it's talked about enough and I don't think we're real enough about it. I think we all want this perfect image and we all want to be like we love dance and it's it's great. You we don't want to burn a bridge or make the dance world sound icky or whatnot, but some parts of it are. Some parts of it are dangerous and scary. I think one of the biggest mental health struggles that dancers go through is the crushing need for validation.we make dance so much our identity that we lose who we are in the process. Like I always always ask my students make sure you have something else besides dance. I think dancers are afraid to say dance is is like if they say if they have something else that they love, then someone else will think they don't love dance enough. And it's like that's like a toxic thought pattern of a dancer. Like I used to be like I eat, sleep and breathe dance. It's like Britney, you don't need to like say that constantly. You can just feel it.You know, you don't need to but like I know people that like I mean I was one of them to be honest. I cut family trip short for dance classes. You know, I c I that's a whole nother talk about toxicity, but I you know, fear of missing out, FOMO. FOMO is a very negative connotation. We use it as a joke, but like the amount of dancers that get FOMO from not being in a certain class, that really affects you. You're you're actually fearing something.Because you're not in this space. It's like it's okay to be with your family. It's okay to have a job. It's okay to be with your cats. It's okay to go, you know, to the beach for the day. So that's like a very dark side of of the dance world that I don't think a lot of people know about. Yeah, thank you. okay, we're gonna tread lightly on this one, this next topic, because I'm so curious about this. I wanna ask something very carefully, because watching your story unfold the last few years.I've had a front seat, which I'm so honored to have this and honestly hearing similar stories from others, I keep finding myself wondering, is it weird to describe some of these communities as like cult like? I said what I said. And I don't mean that in asensational way either. I mean it in exactly the way I'm saying it. I I'm just my experience with my daughters, watching your story unfold and others, like I said, I don't know if that's a strange word, but it it feels almost cult-like. I'm and I'm talking about environments where belonging becomes tied to this weird obedience, right? where questioning leadership feels dangerous. Lame.where people are afraid to leave because they might lose friendships, opportunities, status, and even identity, like you talked about earlier. Does any of that resonate with you and your experience? You have no idea how ironic that all is that you say that. I'm like a little speechless over here. And you're a little teared up, I see. I'm I'm just like that like hit me right here. Are you sure you're not in the dance world? Like not at all.You are three daughters. You have you have known my story. That's crazy that you you word it like that because I don't know I know that word is so harsh and I I just don't know what else I would call that. So your intuitive you know assumption based on yeah, I I would say is correct. And that's a little, you know, other dark side going a little deeper. yeah, very the clicks and the the as you put it, like the cult vibes.I think you're right. It's like there's these spaces in the dance world where you want so bad to be a part of and you want the validation that it gives you in this sense of belonging to a toxic degree that if you were to get out of it, you would feel like you are you know, you're where where are you then? Where's your identity? So even when you're in these spaces.you feel like you have to stay. Let's say your mental health is declining a bit, right? Because maybe, you know, this person is getting this accolade and this person is, you know, getting this and, you know, I'm not being noticed and, you know, it doesn't feel the same anymore. And a normal person, if they felt like that, they would just leave. But when you're attached to a group or a part of this atmosphere, you you can't pull yourself out of it o of fear of maybe like some sort of retaliation. Maybe like a bridge being burned. You know, maybeYou're afraid what someone will think, you know, you're you're afraid that, you know, these leaders in these spaces will will question you or, you know, take things from you. And that's that can get really dangerous. And I've and I've seen myself be a huge victim of that. I've seen different dancers be a victim of it. And it's crazy how long I personally stayed, you know, in a situation that was doing me a massive disservice to my mental health. And I stayed way past my welcome.And that's and that's what those those those groups do to you. And you don't want to leave. You don't want to be the one to leave. You don't want to be labeled that. So and I think about that, I attribute it to watching American Idol. When you you you see the singers, right? They make it and they don't want to they don't want to be blackballed, right? So I can understand. But what makes those environments so attractive in the beginning, especially for people like you who are passionate, ambitious, creative.they had their head on their shoulders, right? You had so much going for you and and desperately seeking community, right? You had just moved from Midwest over here to Southern California. And I'm just curious, what makes those environments so attractive in the beginning? How do we get sucked into this? Not we, but how do how does one get sucked into this? This is such a great question. This is like a question I still ask myself sometimes.the way you articulated it, like someone with a good head on their shoulders, someone with the best intentions, right? I think I think you you you answered it in what you said. It it it all stems from the pandemic, I think. I think we were all so desperate to fit in somewhere and to have a group, right? And then I think when something's shiny and new and you know like everyone loves you andYou're well celebrated and you know the I think that wears off a little bit, then the next girl comes around, you know, then the next dancer comes around. And then you start to see yourself kind of fade. And, you know, and then you're like, no, well I have to stay here. I have to stay here because this person gives me the time of day. This person makes me matter sometimes. It's like a bigpush and pull game and you stick around for it. Slot machine. Yes. And it's like there'll be a payoff at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're thinking next day the next time will be better. I'll feel better. I'll be noticed again. Like this will get me somewhere. But but it doesn't. It's all a facade and I I do think it has to do so in some cases, not all, with money. You know, the these people like leading these spaces, like, you know, they're I think they are genuine on a lot of levels, but I also think, you knowGetting their bag is is a bottom line as well. So, you know, and people so desperate for community, these accolades are given to them. And then, you know, to a point where it's just given out like candy and they're just gonna keep coming back. What whoever it hurts, if it hurts their training, if it hurts their, you know, whatever, but you know, at least those people are bringing more people to their space, and I think that's what they care about. You know? Yeah. Okay, but the table's turned. And so at what pointDid you begin seeing things differently? was there a moment where the curtain started to pull back? A moment where you realized this isn't helping me grow anymore. In fact, it might be stunting my growth. Whew, absolutely. This is a big one. I will never forget being in this exact space that I had, you know, called home for a while. AndI just remember looking around the room and thinking, this isn't this doesn't feel good anymore. This doesn't feel good personally or professionally. It absolutely doesn't. It doesn't do for me what it did for so many years. And at that in that moment, I had finally decided that it was stunting my growth personally and professionally.You know, cause you go through this, you know, you you're in this setting, you're following else, you're following someone else for so long, you know, and then you know, I decided I wanna, you know, I wanna do my own thing. Like I'm I'm qualified now. I've been performing for years. I'm gonna teach performance now, I'm ready, you know. I'm gonna teach EDM performance, I'm gonna teach the art of EDM beat drops, I'm gonna teach, you know, this style of movement.And I think sometimes when you're in a space, when you're the one being taught, you're afraid to go do those things. You know, and there's and sometimes it's met with massive criticism, whether you're good at it or not. but I remember thinking, I'm ready to do this on my own, but I I I want I want to be in a space where I create a level of training, but also mental happiness. And that's what dance should do. It should be challenging. It's not all happy days, but it should be dance anxiety. I always say there's two types of anxiety when you're in dance.And one of you you shouldn't feel defeated when you leave a dance class, mentally or physically. You should feel challenged. That's what I always say. You should feel challenged and not defeated. And when I was defeated mentally and emotionally in a dance class, that's when I knew it was time to go and start my own thing. And I didn't care what it cost me for once. I didn't. Wow. That's my next question. Because leaving those environments can be terrifying. so what did it cost you, if anything, to walk away? And more importantly, what'd you gain?I definitely lost some things. but I gained much, much more than I lost. I think what I lost was n never meant to be mine anyway. I think it I think it was what I thought I wanted. and I think, you know, I I'm you know, I'm a big believer in God and I think God was like, No offense, Brittany, I don't think you're gonna pull yourself out of this, but we're gonna do it together. It's gonna be a little rough.not the ideal way, probably, but you know what? It's gonna be better for you in the end. I lost fake relationships, is what I lost. Amen, girl. I l I honestly lost fake relationships. Low-hanging fruit, my brother calls them. Yes. And I also lost the care that somebody was gonna think X, Y, and Z about me. I used to care so much. What did I gain? I gained one of the most creative years of my life. I gainedsome of the best friendships that I had been neglecting because I was living inside this other reality. and I I gained my rose-colored my ro I lost my rose-colored glasses. They were off. And I saw things so clearly. And I was able to develop r relationships in rooms that I wouldn't normally put myself in, you know, 'cause I was a part of these other rooms and it was just it was so nice to actually build these friendships I had been neglecting to be honest.thank shout out to my friends for being patient throughout this whole thing. And now I've I'm making some of the most creative, genuine personal connections of my whole dance career. I love it. I was just thinking that sometimes the hardest thing, I think about this in terms of relationships as well, friendships, partnerships, all of it and and and even professionally here is like is the hardest thing isn't leaving a toxic environment. Sometimes the hardest thing istrusting yourself after you've done it. 100% that is such a good way to move that. Yeah, do you experience that too? Yeah. Yeah, I love it. okay, I want to talk a a little bit about leadership. Because I have always seen you as a leader. I love it. J the sh what you've just shared so far has really beyond impressed me, but I'm just really proud of you because I do see you as a leader. I want to talk a little bit about that because every industry hasIt's gatekeepers, right? So, you know, we have people who open doors and people who try to control them. So I want to talk a little bit about that. Have you experienced any leaders who seem threatened by other people's growth, including yourself, you know your growth, but you've s you've watched them be threatened by other other people's growth. people who wanted your contribution, but not necessarily your success.People who didn't clap when you won, all those types of people. Talk to me. What did those experiences teach you? Yeah, so there are two types of people in the dance world. There's gatekeepers and collaborators, right? I think a lot of times, I've been guilty of this too. I think we think that someone else's success in the dance world is gonna stunt our success. which is just not true, you know? So many different jobs are gonna fit for so many different people. and it's just best to clap, you know.We went from a pandemic to an epidemic of gatekeeping in the dance world. I think it got a little worse too. and I don't speak for everyone because I've built some beautiful collaborations, but I've noticed when friends or like mentor and mentee, you know, when one sir kind of maybe surpasses the other or goes off and does their own thing, you either are going to full-blown support them or you're going to be threatened. It's kind of one way or the other. There really is no in the middle in the dance world, unfortunately.I see that a lot. I know I've I've been a victim to it and I've I've witnessed it, you know, and even myself, you know, when somebody gets a job over me or something and you know, you think like, you know, there's this little a angel on or devil on your shoulder, like, well, why did they get it? You know, and it's like, No, no, no. Your angel is like, Well, why did you get that job? You know, it's like so I've decided to clap and I've decided to collaborate. and I it is it has gotten some beautifulI've gotten some beautiful fruits of that labor is by collaborating. I love that. What kind of leader did you decide you wanted to become because of your experiences? I wanted to do the exact opposite of what I was shown in certain circumstances. I, for instance, I had a student for three years who trained under me and she is now teaching her own classes, and I'm going to her classes now.I will reshare her flyers. I will whenever I can. If I can hire her for a job, you know, I'll do that. And it's like sh and and now she's going to bring my name name up in rooms that I'm not in. And it's only going to grow your tribe in the most genuine way. That is the leader I wanna be. I will never ever, ever be the kind of leader that doesn't support you just because you're doing things. Absolutely not. I love that. I love that. I was thinking about this world. I'mIt it's similar to the hair world in the beauty industry, right? It's very it can be superficial. And the dance world can also be incredibly judgmental. how did you stay authentic in a world that often rewards performance over authenticity, right? how did you not lose yourself?That one's really, really tough. And all the all the newer teachers out there are gonna feel me on this one. How do you stay authentic but also, you know, a gain a tribe and a following, right? Without And perform. Yeah, right? Yep. So it's a you know, we all go through imposter syndrome, right? When we start teaching, when we start branching out.And you know, everyone there's everyone at the time and even now everyone does like a lot of R and B. Like all the teachers do like a lot of the sexy stuff, a lot of the slow, a lot of the slinky stuff, you know, a lot of the the current pop songs trending, you know, I and I you have to do that sometimes, you know, just you y to appease someone of the masses, but you also have to stay true to yourself. And that can lose you students, it can lose you, you know, a demographic. Like for instance, like I I amI am pushing this house and techno, and I I love EDM. Of course I love like Britney Spears and you know, I you know, a couple RB songs here and there. It's not really my thing though, but like I'm running the risk of having smaller classes and maybe a more niche audience, but I am staying true to who I am, and I I can always say and look back, no matter how this shakes out, I'm actually me and I'm teaching what I love and I'm teaching what I know best, and I am absolutely authentic to my own self, even even if it costs me.You know, a sold-out class or something. I'm I'm I'm sticking to my guns. I love that. I love that. Today, you mentor other dancers. I love that. I love that. You share information, you help people, you open doors, you you don't gatekeep. Why is that so important to you? Because some people operate from from scarcity, right? They believe that that helping others as you were sharing earlier hurts them. And you seem to believe the opposite.So where does that mindset come from? Because that's huge. You're not just building a career, you're changing the narrative here in the dance world. And I love it. Talk to me. my gosh, can we get that on a a plaque? Yes. That's like that's next. That's literally ask anyone. When anyone ever asks me, what do I want to like be re you know, will get there remembered for? But there there is something I always say, and it's like, I want to be the girl that changes the narrative in dance.That helps you. I want to get you a job. I want to be the girl that's known for booking dancers. I want to be the girl that's known for collaborating. That's known for, you know, putting a good word out there. I, you know, I'm signed to a talent agency now. Shout out Breezy, shout out Peyton. and I, you know, I think I've helped get over 15 girls signed to an agency. Some of them don't even know it. I and I don't care. You know, I it makesyou ask why I do it, it makes me feel good to help people. And I don't do it to get stuff back, but that is just a natural fallout of what happens, you know, like, I remember Brittany really helped me with this submission when she did not have to. You know, she helped me with this. So you know what? my gosh, I know s I know an EDM artist. I I I you know she was asking about a choreographer. You know what, I'm gonna I'm gonna hit Britney up. You know, I I remember she she does that kind of music. You know, so these very naturalThese very natural relationships. I don't do it for that, but that is a a a great side effect of it, you know? And I I genuinely do it because helping people like gives me a high. And I don't ever want to be the girl that doesn't help you. I love that. I love that. If every dancer listening right now remembered one thing from you, what would you want it to be?to absolutely not wait for when it's quote a right time. One hundred percent. That is something I hear from every single dancer is I'm not there yet, I'm not ready yet. And of course we need training, of course we need all that.But it's it's time to think about yourself. I used to be I used to be so scared to like think about myself. And I think I would want every dancer to know that you should absolutely start thinking about yourself and start thinking about more of what you want than how someone's gonna perceive you.And some final questions here, maybe one or two. Looking back, what did this journey teach you about yourself? What did it teach you about resilience?Man, this is such a big question. I know. It's hard to answer. It is. How about what what did this journey teach you about yourself? I think the biggest thing it taught me about myself is I am allowed. I am allowed to change. I am allowed to evolve. Yes. I am allowed.I'm allowed to be my own self without permission from anybody. I think it taught me that it's okay to let some relationships go. It's absolutely okay. It the thought of it used to be devastating, but change is absolutely okay and it's even welcomed when you're evolving.One last question. I have so many for you, but good thing we're friends and I get to ask you more. What would you say to someone who feels like they're starting over too late? Someone sitting in their own dark chapter right now saying, But you don't know, I'm too late, I didn't do this, I missed this, I had this happen to me and this and this and that and that and this and that. What would you say to them? So this is not gonna be yourDon't give up answer. I'm gonna get real with this answer. Go, go. First of all, it's never too late. That's an excuse. I'm literal proof of it. It is never too late. It's your mentality that it's too late. That's the problem. And you know what? If you want to do something, I would say it takes consistency. It takes balls to the wall training and practice. And I don't just mean training and dance. If i if you think you're too late for anything, a career change, a relationship change, a divorce.To you know, all that kind of stuff. Like, you have the power to make it happen. No one's gonna make it happen for you. That's what I would say is consistency and massive hard work. It it's not gonna happen overnight, but it starts with you and you gotta do the work.Gosh, I love it. I love it. Well, as we know, this podcast is called the Unfolding Podcast. And I wonder if you if you remember the point in your life during this journey where you thought to yourself, I'm not broken, I'm not behind, my life wasn't falling apart. Possibly my life was just unfolding. Do you remember when that was?The moment I knew that I wasn't broken and my life was unfolding and I wasn't behind, I think when I started dancing again for the joy.And I and I realize that I can have more than one identity. And that dance is my love, but it doesn't run my life.Are you grateful it didn't happen the way you thought it would? Absolutely. Right? my gosh. Right? There were days when I'm like, this is it. I'm never gonna be this. I am so grateful. As we sit here right now, I am co I am choreographing for LA Swim Week for the Academy LA with amazing dancers and a live show tomorrow. I mean, no, I did not think it would turn out this way, and no, I I I wouldn't have changed a thing.I love it. I love this. I love you. I love talking with you. I love it all. Friends, you just heard Brittany. We're gonna give you some information before this ends. But I wanna end with this. I think one of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that life happens in a straight line, right? That success should happen on a schedule. At a particular time, at a particular age. The healing should happen quickly.That dreams should happen the first time. Hey, I've done all the work. I've been da-da-da-da-da. I'm all lined up. Why isn't this happening? But what your story reminds me of right now as I sit here is that life doesn't work that way. Sometimes surgery becomes the beginning, right? Sometimes the setback becomes the doorway. Sometimes the thing that breaks your identity becomes the very thing that reveals who you actually really are.You started over at 30, self-taught during a pandemic, in a world that quietly tells people, you're too late. And instead of accepting that story, you wrote your own. You didn't miss your moment. You created your own lane. And I love that. And I think that is one of that's such a great lesson for all of us, whether we're dancers, entrepreneurs, podcasters.parents, artists, or simply just people trying to find our way, just trying to live life. Your life is not behind schedule. Your dream is not over, your path does not need to look like anyone else's. Your unfolding isn't the story of everything going according to plan. That's the whole point of the unfolding. The unfolding is realizing that even the detours, the losses, the gut punches, the lonely seasons.The scary seasons, the wrong rooms, the fake friends, the cult-like leaders, the moments you thought, this is gonna end me. This is over, it's a wrap for me. Those, all of those were quietly shaping the person who you were becoming. So I wanna thank you so much. We both have tears in our eyes. I want to thank you, Brittany, for sharing your story with us today. And to everyone listening, keep trusting your path.It may make sense sooner than you think. As always, I'm your host, friend, and your girl, Yvonne Wink. And I want to see Brittany, are you interested in giving out your social media to anyone that wants to follow you? Guys, her stuff is legit. So can you give us any information in case someone wants to contact you for booking, for for dancing, for teaching, lessons, all of that? Yeah, absolutely. Take it away. Yeah.So I just made a YouTube channel and it's it's getting some traction. It's super cute. I know I'm late to the YouTube game. but I am it's Britney Lee Dance, my YouTube channel. You'll see a story about my comeback. There's actually a story about my surgery in there. it's a really cool little storytelling video, and there's a lot of tutorials on there. There's everything from the wins, the losses, and the funny stuff. my TikTok is it's Britney Bitch. that's how it's gonna end.Yeah, and then my Instagram is Brittany7011 and it's got all things dance on there. A lot of my creative direction is on there, a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff. So yeah. If anyone is interested, I will you can DM me, message, email, whatever, and I will get you to her contact information as well. you don't want to miss it's Britney Bitch because her dancing is amazing. Well, and on all channels.But I'm a huge fan. I love and adore her. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you again for listening. And until next time, see you later. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Content TypeSoloPrimary GoalDiscussionSummaryYvonne Wink shares a powerful story about recognizing patterns in relationships, understanding the difference between builders and visitors, and reclaiming self-trust to build a fulfilling life.Keywordsself-trust, relationships, patterns, boundaries, personal growth, emotional maturity, self-love, healing, boundaries, self-leadershipKey TopicsRecognizing relationship patternsDifference between builders and visitorsThe role of self-trust and self-leadershipTitlesThe Egg and the Kitchen: Recognizing Relationship PatternsBuilding Your Life, Not Kitchens from EggsSound Bites"This is grief. This is reckoning.""Uncertainty is not connection.""You already did."Chapters00:00NEWCHAPTER04:23Building from Eggs: A Metaphor for Relationships12:52The Moment of Reckoning20:11Understanding Patterns in Relationships30:48The Difference Between Builders and Visitors38:03Breaking the Pattern43:30The Power of Self-Trust Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Content Type SoloPrimary Goal DiscussionSummary Yvonne Wink shares her deeply personal journey of healing from family trauma, breaking generational cycles, and embracing her truth. This episode explores the impact of silence, denial, and emotional neglect, and offers practical steps for healing and creating a new legacy.Keywords family trauma, healing, generational cycles, boundaries, self-love, emotional neglect, truth-telling, personal growth, mental health, family secretsKey TopicsFamily trauma and silenceHealing from childhood abuseBreaking generational cyclesTakeawaysNaming what happened is the first step to healing.Romanticizing dysfunction keeps cycles alive.Healthy love may feel unfamiliar but is worth pursuing.Boundaries are essential for healing systemic trauma.Reparenting yourself is a powerful healing tool.Healing is about truth, not perfection.Power lies in trusting and protecting yourself.Breaking cycles requires conscious effort and awareness.Healing can be a collective family effort.You are not your trauma, and healing is possible.Guest NametitlesBreaking the Cycle: How I Chose Healing Over SilenceWhat Stops With Me: Ending Generational TraumaSound Bites"Healing is about truth, not perfection.""The cycle will not own my future.""You are so, so worthy of safe love."Chapters00:00The Weight of Family Secrets02:20Naming the Truth05:19The Impact of Betrayal11:12Generational Trauma and Its Effects17:24Breaking the Cycle23:04Healing and Reparenting29:04Creating a New Legacy Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

If your life has been feeling weird lately, like things don't hit the same anymore, well, you're in luck. Because this episode is going to explain exactly why.Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink, and I'm glad you're here.Have you ever felt like your life is shifting?you can't fully explain why. Like, you're not who you used to be, but you're not fully who you're becoming yet.And suddenly, you start noticing everything is shifting all around you. The way you feel about people, things, places, your friendships feel different, your conversations feel different, even your interactions with loved ones, family, lovers, partners, even the way you spend your time.starts to change and who you spend your time with. And you're like, what in the world is happening to me?Why am I bored in this conversation when I used to be able to hang in there, hang in there with this person, right? Why am I irritated with them now, with what they're saying? They've always said this, they've always been this way. Why am I so annoyed? We've known each other for years, but why now does this feel off?And here's the part no one really explains. And I wish someone would have explained this to me about 10, 12 years ago, okay?What if nothing is wrong with you?What if this is actually a process?Not a random face.but something your brain, your body, your nervous system, and your life are moving through on purpose.See, when I was going through this back in the day, didn't have, guess I didn't always have the language for this. I suspected, but I didn't understand the phases, right? The ebbs and the flows of this. I just knew something in my life started shifting. I knew I was changing. The things that I used to tolerate, I couldn't tolerate anymore. The conversations I used to entertain, they started to feel draining. Even the...jokes that I would laugh at at other people's expense.It didn't hit the same.Even the way I was spending my time and who I was spending it with wasn't making sense anymore to me. Even my workout routine.All of it. And I remember thinking, why? Why am I bored right now? Why am I irritated? Why does this feel so off? When nothing has technically changed, they're exactly the same and I'm exactly the same, right? Nothing has changed. We all look the same. Everything is the same. It's all very cohesive. It's all very normal. And nothing has changed.something had changed. Me.And when I actually sat with it, when I really sat with it, instead of running from it or numbing it or making myself so busy that I tuned it out, I realized something. And it was in the quiet, quiet, peaceful moments I realized. Now there's a pattern to this, a sequence that your life moves through when you're becoming who you're meant to be.Sometimes we've been fighting it for years. We've felt the push, the pull, the calling, but we just didn't have the time or the effort that we wanted to put into it the courage or even maybe the directions on how to get there.So over this last year, I swan dived into this, because I'm very curious. And I always want to know why, why, why, why. ⁓ And so I dove deep into this. I've lived this, I've breathed it, I've eaten, drank, slept it, I've even written about it. And I've started using it in my work with clients, in group sessions, and on a one-on-ones. Because...I want people to understand what's happening to them. Instead of thinking something's wrong with them. So, I'm so excited to share this with you. This is one of the first times I'm really unveiling this. ⁓ And so this is what I've come up with thus far. This is the framework I'm living in right now and I'm really proud of it. I hope you enjoy it today.hoping that this becomes some of my greatest life's work. I would say that my babies obviously are first and foremost, but I hope it's right behind that. And I call it the unfolding method. This phase we're talking about today, the unfolding method. And if you followed me on any social media platforms, specifically ⁓ Instagram and ⁓ TikTok, you'll see that I have ⁓ taken the name the unfolding.podcast, the unfolding method. I've been, this has been in the works for a while. I've worked really diligently on it for an entire year. And so I'm gonna share it with you today. It goes a little something like this. ⁓ Okay, so how it starts, I'm gonna explain the phases. So first you uncover, then you unlearn, then you unblock, then you unfold.And the best part of it is eventually you unleash into the wild. That's where you find me right now. I'm in the wild. But let's start where it all begins. I am hoping that many of you listeners are finding yourself here right now. If not, you've been past this phase. Maybe you're sitting in it right now in any event. Listen up here. So it starts with uncovering.Okay, and I started that specifically because I'm gonna go deep into this, not necessarily in this episode, throughout the ⁓ other episodes. But it starts with the uncovering. That moment where you start to see yourself clearly. Your patterns, your choices, your repercussions for the choices, right? Your relationships, the good and the bad.the, your, your taste in, in food, music, people, friends, all of it. You start to see crystal clear. Girl, let me tell you, those rose colored lenses, they come off. Not just for other people, but most importantly of yourself. The lens comes off and you are staring right back at your reflection. You are.the man in the mirror.Does anyone experience this? Or are you in the middle of it right now?I love this phase because this is where you start noticing things that you didn't notice before.Like, why you over give? Why do you overextend yourself? I ask myself this all the time, not anymore, why? Why you tolerated certain behavior from certain people?Why you stay longer than you should.Why did you let certain people ruminate and dominate conversations and your time and take and take and you just kept giving and giving? Never reciprocated.Why you find yourself asking why you keep proving yourself in places that were never going to choose you.Why you're exhausted, chasing validation in rooms you don't even want to be in.why you're working so hard at a life that doesn't even feel like yours.And this is the part that hits because uncovering, isn't glamorous, I'll tell you that. You got the fugly cry in the mirror. ⁓ It's not, this phase, the uncovering isn't even empowering at first. It's confronting. It takes a lot of self-actualization, self-reflection, deep self-reflection, and you realize,something. I just threw my water bottle down. You realize something really important here. You realize, ⁓ it wasn't just them. ⁓ did I do that? Was that me? Did I participate in that? Did I start that? Was I the drama?See, you've been participating in patterns you didn't even know you were in. And what's happening now, if you're cognizant of it, if it's at the forefront of your brain, if you're listening to this going, yeah, that's me right there.You've outgrown these patterns. And when you're in the outgrowing of the pattern phase, it can bring up a lot. Especially if you don't have the right tools or even the knowledge of like, okay, where do I go next? What's happening to me next? See, what happens sometimes in this phase is we just feel shame. We feel regret.We feel remorse, right? We're standing in the mirror and we're thinking, gosh, I did hurt that person. I did say that. I did crush that person's soul.Maybe there's some anger. Maybe your soul is crushed. Your heart was broken. And there's some anger. Anger at them.But also, if you're really honest, angry at yourself.for how long you stayed, for how long you allowed that behavior, for what you tolerated, for how much you gave, hoping that it would finally be enough.but hear me with some gentle and loving truth. You didn't know what you didn't know. You were operating from the version of you that was simply trying to be loved.Trying to be understood. Trying to be chosen.trying to make it work with the tools you had at the time.And now you have awareness, a new awareness.and awareness changes everything. And I say this in every single episode because it's true. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Awareness changes everything. And once you see it, you don't just know better. You now lose the ability to portray yourself the same way again and again, because you can't go back to who you were. Because now you know who you are.So it starts there, it starts with the uncovering. That is such a vital piece. Then comes the unlearning. So this one is, I find a lot of people here. This one's uncomfortable, yeah. And it's a bit awkward too, because now you're realizing some of the things that you believed culturally, politically.spiritually, know, religiously, all of it. Some of the ways you've been showing up, you're questioning that. Some of the BS you've been tolerating.Some of this was never actually about you.They were taught. These patterns were taught. They were survival. They were conditioning. Yes, I said what I said, conditioning. I know everyone hates that word, but it's true. We've been conditioned. Deal with it. Because we can fix it, right? If you can name it, you can heal it. You can fix it. But I wanna get super real right now as I crisscross applesauce. Because now in this phase, you're not just seeing the pattern, right?You're not just standing in the mirror going, gosh, that was me. You're not just seeing these patterns. You're questioning your identity. You start asking yourself, who am I without this adaptation?Who am I when I'm not over giving and bending over backwards in full wheel, it's a yoga pose, in overextending and over giving, over explaining to people who are dead set on misunderstanding you.Who am I without this chasing, without this proving, without shrinking, just to be accepted?And when you're here, that can feel destabilizing.because these patterns, they weren't random. They were the ways you learned to stay ⁓ connected, to stay in the inner circle, to stay loved, to stay safe.to ensure you had that stamp of approval that you fit in the tribe.but here's a little truth bomb.When you start letting those patterns go, it can feel like you're losing something. And it actually, during this process really is, it's lonely, it's painful, it super duper sucks, ⁓ it's uncomfortable, it's you're confused, you're dazed and confused. ⁓Let them go. Let those old patterns go. Because you know what? You're not losing yourself in this phase. You're losing the version of you that was built to survive, not to thrive.So note, listen here, your brain will try to pull you back with everything that it knows. It's like, do do do do do do do do do, it's juggling, right? Because familiar feels safe and it's trying to throw you off. But familiar feels safe even when it's not healthy and you have to recognize that.So you will feel the urge to acquiesce, to join the crowd, to blend in with them, right? You will feel the urge. It'll come up for you to want to over explain, right? That no is your final sentence. That will be a struggle for you. You'll feel the urge to give more and give more. These are your patterns, right? You'll feel the urge to be the fixer.and the problem solver, you'll feel the urge to go back. Your brain is trying to pull you back because it's familiar, it feels safe, it understands the outcome. It knows, it's like, we got the outcome, don't worry, this is what happens.But unlearning is the moment you pause. You don't go back to what you now know isn't aligned. It doesn't feel right anymore. That's the shift. That's what you're feeling, that uncomfortable feeling. You stop fighting the patterns because you know they're costing you your peace. And then, and then, then, then, this next step is where I would say,I've seen most people get stuck. I mean, it's like, come on, we need to get the excavation team in and we got to pull this one out. ⁓ We got to dig this person out ⁓ because after unlearning comes unblocking. Okay. This is where everything you've learned meets real life. Okay. This is where you actuallyhave to do something different. This is where you have to do the work. You, no one can do this for you. You can't even ⁓ pretend your way through this. This is kind of when everyone goes, ⁓ got it. There she is. There he is, right? Because this is everything you've learned and now you're applying it. This is where you set the boundary, where you say no and it's a complete sentence, where you don't respond.the same way. You're not reactive. You don't chase. You don't over explain. You sit in the discomfort instead of fixing it. You don't have to fix it. It's okay. You've proven that you rise from the ashes every time, that you can sit in the pain and the heartache and you can cry and you can lay on the bathroom floor and you can rise the next day. You sit with the discomfort instead of fixing it.and your brain says, absolutely not. We don't do this. I've talked about this before. In psychology, there's a word cognitive dissonance. I know everyone knows that word, but this is that concept right here. this is really important to understand becauseWhat's happened is you've done all this work and your brain is now saying, absolutely not. We don't do that anymore. This doesn't make sense. This does not make sense with the values that you say you want, right? You say you want to be peaceful, loving and kind, but you're screaming and cussing out someone on the road. That was just me the other day. Just kidding. I didn't scream and cuss, but I was a little heated.This is where the fight is happening in the brain, right? The old you, that old pattern. And then your brain is saying, absolutely not, Yvonne, we don't do this anymore. This is so important to understand because unblocking is where you start becoming unstuck. This is where you try new things.anyone seeing themselves in any of these phases? I would love to know right now. ⁓ But becoming unstuck. love this because this is where you find your voice. This is where you speak up. This is where you walk away. You leave and you don't come back. This is where you quit. This is where you start something new. You do the thing you've been thinking about for a long time. You finally do it.Here's a little wisdom from someone who's walked this path. Listen, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes you piss people off and they just stare at you dazed and confused. what just happened here? But I want you to know that's not failure. That's ⁓ momentum, that's forward progress, that's movement.But there is the brain battle, right? And this is where the internal battle kicks in because your brain isn't trying to evolve. It's never actually trying to evolve, by the way. It's never trying to improve. It's never trying to change and grow and be healthy, right? It's just trying to keep you safe. We all know this. This is what our brain is created to do. This is what it's wired to do.just to keep us safe. And safe usually means familiar. That's just the way it is. This is why so many people wake up at 50, 60, 80, even 30. And they say, what in the entire bleep just happened? Where did all those years go? This isn't where I wanna be.This isn't what I want to be doing. This isn't who I want to be doing it with. We've just been in a pattern.So even if the old pattern was exhausting and painful, it was predictable.That's why you keep doing the same thing over and over. And you say, well, I don't want to drink anymore, but you keep pulling into the liquor store and getting your drinks, right? I don't want to smoke anymore. I don't want to use substances anymore. I don't want to stay in this dead end job. I want more for myself.The pattern that we're experiencing is exhausting. We hate it. It's painful. It's caused a lot of damage and harm and hurt. But you know what's more powerful? It was predictable. And that's why we kept doing it. But now in this phase, we start choosing something different. And that can feel anxious, uncomfortable. ⁓even wrong. And you might feel the urge during this time to keep over explaining, you know, to, to go back to what you used to do just to relieve the feeling.But that feeling, that discomfort, that's not a sign you're doing it wrong. Okay? You gotta stay in it. That's your nervous system learning a new way. And I promise you, she will catch up. You're not being rejected. You're not losing control. You're not being threatened. You're going to survive this. You're not even pushing people away per se or pissing them off. Or maybe you are pissing them off. I don't know.You see, the only people who get pissed off when you change, lay down a boundary, choose yourself, they're the ones who are used to taking from you. They're used to getting what they want from you. Because people's true colors don't show when everything is easy. They show when they don't get what they want from you. And that doesn't mean you need to cut everyone off. It just means you need to learn how to place people where they belong.compartmentalize. Not everyone gets a front row access ticket to you anymore.Some people are close, some are distant, and some are just awareness. I want you to think about it like this. This is a boundary, I get this a lot. Well, what is a boundary? Okay, and I know that conceptually you understand what a boundary is, but I wanna give you an example, because this is exactly what it looks like. Okay, let's say that you told me, hey, Yvonne, don't call me on Tuesdays. That's my family time, okay?I know we work together, I know we need to talk all the time, you know, or we're good friends or we're family or whatnot, right? That is my time for myself. That is my self care day. That is my time with my kids, my family, my parents, whatever it is, I don't know, but whatnot, right? You tell me that, please don't call me on Tuesdays. I'd go, okay.I respect your boundaries. That is a boundary you placed. It doesn't matter how weird, irrational it sounds to me. That's your boundary and I respect it. But first thing Wednesday morning, guess what? I'm dialing you up, no problem. But here's the thing. The ones who don't respect you, I want you to see this clearly because the ones who don't respect you or respect your boundaries, they get real upset or they just flat out ignore it.or they make you the problem. See, she's so rigid, she's so difficult, she's so difficult to deal with. Why? Because I choose myself on Tuesdays? Okay, got it.This is something I had to really come to terms with. It was like a big deal for me and I don't know why. I still can't quite figure it out. the thing is I had to realize I'm not breaking the law here. I'm interrupting a pattern. A pattern that my body has been running for years. It was on autopilot. And this is the, I call this part the messy middle. Okay, it's just messy here. There's a lot of messiness happening here.This is where you don't fully like your old self, but you're not fully confident in your new self yet. You recognize like, yeah, but I still flip people off in the car. That's not who I want to be. Those aren't my values. It's completely, you know, not who I want to be. It's so incongruent, you know, with the life that I'm living, right? So, you know, there's that, that, thatI get it, the middle ground, right? You're not fully digging that old self, but you don't know exactly who you are. You're not super confident to step into that person yet. But this, this is where your life actually starts changing in the uncomfortableness.because you don't get unstuck by just thinking differently, by scrolling on Instagram and TikTok and watching other people doing this work. You get unstuck by sitting in this mess and choosing differently anyway. You get in this, you get unstuck by recognizing how difficult it is to stop drinking so much, to stop using, to stop lying, to stop cheating.to stop being a jerk. You get unstuck by recognizing it and then choosing differently in the middle of the mess. And every time you choose differently, you teach your body, this right here, body, this is the new normal. And this is where acceptance comes in. And if you stay with it,you start to unfold. See what I did there? Voila!So yeah, next is the unfolding, right? Seriously though, this phase is subtle at first, okay? But I'm telling you, it's one of the most powerful phases. And I remember this so clearly. This happened to me in Bali last year. I was all alone in a completely different country. And I was in the depth of this phase of my unfolding. And nothing dramatic was happening on the outside, but everything.The earthquake was happening, the shifting was all happening on the inside. I started noticing this weird salty moisture appear in my eyeballs pretty regularly. I was like, what is this in my eyes? ⁓The thing is, there were tears guys, you know what mean? I'm not a crier. You've established this already. the thing is, that you, you know, you still look the same. You still are the same on the outside, but the shift is happening on the inside. You still look the same. But you start choosing differently, repetitively, consistently. You start wanting different things. You start realizing this isn't actually.the life I want for myself. This isn't the person I want to spend all my time with.This isn't the career I am in love with, I desire.You start becoming someone your old self doesn't fully recognize. That's why it's a little confusing because that realization it's quiet, but it does change a lot because now you're not reacting. You're aligning. Okay. So you're not trying to fix your life anymore. You're starting to listen to it. You're not trying to fix your patterns, fix yourself.Fix everyone around you.You're just starting to listen now. And what you're noticing is the conversations just don't land the same.The environments don't feel the same. You might feel like the odd man out.The version of you that used to fit doesn't quite fit anymore. And it's an awkward feeling to say the least when you find yourself here. I could feel this in real time, guys. I'd be in conversations where people's eyes would practically glaze over or crisscross the moment I started talking, the moment I opened my mouth, it's like, God.because of whatever content I was talking, who knows? It could be anything from psychology to astrology to aliens, but I could see it in real time. The eyeballs crisscrossing, the smirks, the glances over at other people, eye rolls. And I'm like, yeah, these aren't my people.Then I'd be in other conversations where they'd light up. We'd belly laugh until it hurt. Sometimes it was perfect strangers. We'd just connect instantly and talk about our dreams and our aspirations, not about other people.I remember those conversations before.And I'd say something that I was embarrassed about or even ashamed about.And they'd say, me too. I felt that way too. Same. And I remember thinking, ⁓ this is what alignment feels like. Not forcing anything, not shrinking myself, not having to adjust my conversations depending on who I was around. Not over explaining, not adjusting myself to the crowds, right?but just being.Here's what I've learned. The right people, they don't tolerate you. They recognize you.And here's another little truth bomb. This place temporarily can feel lonely. Trust me. Because you're no longer who you were. You're still growing into who you're becoming. And this is where I see a lot of people go backwards. And I know I did. You go back. Because forward feels uncertain. And I remember this phase so clearly.because I don't know, 50 weekends spent alone. Not because I didn't have options, ⁓ but because it felt more peaceful there. Sure, I had offers, invitations, dates, opportunities to fill the space, but I saw something really powerful, really cool happening in me. I was changing.and I could feel it and I knew it. And I would literally tell anyone who asked me out on a date, I was like, hey, listen, you don't want any part of this. I am a walking red flag right now. I am so discombobulated and literally pulling out ⁓ who knows what, but I'm pulling it all out from the attics and the locked treasure chest that I had.I was just pulling it all out because I wanted it all out of me, all the patterns. I was just giving them up. I was calling myself on things, but I was like, go on, get. I'm just like a little baby angel right now, a bratty toddler, a rebellious teen, all in one. So it's probably best that you just go on and get. Go on.Because what I wasn't doing anymore is distracting myself. I was trying to understand myself. I kept my circle small, tight, intentional. Not because I didn't love people, but because I was learning how to love myself differently.But this is the part most people, I would say this is where they run. But I promise you, if you stay here, if you trust it, this is where your life starts to reorient around who you actually are.You're not, you're not, you're not lost. You're no longer available for what once felt normal.This is the space where your new life starts finding you.You didn't lose your old life. You just outgrew it.And then, eventually and finally, you unleash. Un-leash.And this is the version of you that, listen, this person does not overthink the text, does not question their worth when you don't call back, doesn't shrink in the room, doesn't stay where they're not valued, doesn't overstay. This is the version of you that lives. She loves fully without losing herself. She creates.without waiting for permission. She speaks without filtering her truth down to make others comfortable. She's unbothered, not because she doesn't care, but because she finally knows what's worth her energy. She knows her worth, she knows her value, and she doesn't give discounts to people who couldn't afford her at full price. Boom, mic drop.See, she expects more, not from entitlement. This isn't the case, but this is from alignment. She rises again and again and again. And here's the most powerful part. She doesn't waste her pain. She turns all of that pain into purpose, shares it so someone else can find their way through it.And this version of you, she was always there. She's always been there. She just needed you to uncover, to unlearn, to unblock, to unfold, so she could finally be unleashed.You're not becoming someone new. You're finally allowing yourself to be who you were always meant to be. And listen, this, if you've listened this far, I know you're in. thank you. Slow clap. Because this isn't self-improvement, ⁓ self-help. This is self-return. Okay. The life you want is on the other side of the version of you.you're afraid to become.So if no one has told you this lately, you're not behind. You're not broken. You're unfolding.Thank you for spending this time with me. Thank you for showing up and showing out. Thank you for all the beautiful messages, comments. Y'all just lift my spirits.You have been listening to the Unfolding Podcast. And I'm your girl, Yvonne. Until next time. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Hello and welcome back.ask you something. Have you ever noticed something strange about the things that we say we want most? Think about it. Peace, joy, confidence, healthier relationships, a bigger life.That promotion, that trip, that body, that bank account, that business idea that keeps whispering to you at night.See, we say we want these things. I know I've said it for years. I've wanted these things. We pray for them. We openly and actively talk about them with friends and family and we journal about them. We visualize them. We, you know, we even, have you ever sat and just doom scrolled on Google flights, mapped out countries and where you were getting mapped out your entire itinerary for the summer?and you just never hit go purchase.Yeah, because when life actually starts moving us in that direction, something inside us hesitates.almost like part of us is resisting it. Ooh, ouch. Hey, I'm assassinating myself. I'm calling myself out right now too. So don't think that I am attacking you.What I want to call out today is that we interpret that resistance as proof of something. We all do it, right? You say you're going to do something, you say you're going to start the business, you say you're going to book the trip, and then as you start moving closer to that, you pull back. And then we say that that resistance is some kind of proof of something. Maybe I'm not ready. Maybe I'm not capable.other people's dreams come true, just mine just won't come true in this lifetime. Maybe that life isn't meant for me. Maybe I'm meant to live paycheck to paycheck.But recently, I had a moment that made me look at this idea or this question very differently.Welcome back to the unfolding podcast. I'm your host and your girl, Yvonne Wink.Well, I wanted to share, so I was sitting in a workshop last week with a incredibly beautiful, talented, wonderful, sweet woman that you will be hearing from soon. I'm basically forcing her to be my best friend, and to be on our podcast. So she's going be on an upcoming podcast. So get ready. You guys are going to be mind blown. She's amazing. But anyway, okay. During this conversation.she looked at me and said something that stopped me dead in my tracks. And those of you that know I'm going a million miles per hour, that's difficult to do, stop me dead in my tracks. But she said something. She said, you needed to fall in love with that narcissist. I was like, girl, bye, stop, stop, hold up. Wait a minute, let me put some boom in it. But I was like, excuse me.What? Stop it. And she said, yeah. He was the only person who could fully crack your heart wide open to finish that cracking, right? So that you could see the power of vulnerability in real time.And when she said that, something in me, I felt it. It was like a light switch, but it shifted in me instantly. Has that ever happened to you? Has that ever happened to anyone? Say yes or something in the comments. I wish someone was here. That'd be so fun. I'm gonna do an open mic night somewhere so people can talk back to me. But has this ever happened when someone says something and it lands in a place that you didn't even know was open?before. So if I'm being like truly honest here, I had never had my heart broken quite like that before. I had never experienced that level of like, I call it diabolical level of manipulation, that level of emotional toxic and chaos, that level of dishonesty. I had never.ever experienced that before. And the truth is, I've never needed to learn that lesson before. Didn't even know it was a thing. I read about it, I saw friends here and there and I go, gosh, why is she in that toxic thing? So yeah, I was a little judgy. But I had never had to learn that lesson before because I had never been involved with someone like that. Someone who was...who was genuinely calculated, so disconnected from empathy, someone who, looking back, was never really there to love me in the first place. I'm able to say that now. He was there to take, to manipulate, to control the narrative. And when it ended, I truly thought, I'm gonna spend years healing from this.I expected it to harden me. I expected to walk away just very protective and very guarded, more cynical about men, because you've been around me. You know I like to talk about the men's.But I was shocked because something surprising happened instead.that whole disaster and heartbreak, it caused me to soften. And you know, that kind of confused me at first because I thought heartbreak was supposed to make you tougher. But what I realized was this. I didn't die when he chose someone else. My world didn't end. It all didn't come crashing down.actually happened was I became incredibly clear. Clear about the difference between good men and bad men, green flags and red flags, right? Clear about the difference between love and manipulation. Clear about what I will never ever tolerate again. So that experience didn't destroy me. It sharpened my discernment.Sometimes that's what heartbreak actually does. It wakes you up.not just to the pain of what happened, but to the truth of what you actually deserve.And when I really sat with that realization, I saw something even deeper because the truth is that relationship wasn't actually the first thing that cracked my heart open. That was the moment I, the moment that I guess I could say that my heart truly, truly cracked open was losing my mom. When my mom passed away.That was the moment that I felt, I first felt that armor bust open.The moment I realized how much protection I had built around my heart just to survive.Losing her opened something in me that I had spent years guarded by. just years guarded. And this relationship, as painful as it was, pushed that opening even further.and hearing.this woman say what she said, it made me think about something very differently. What if some of the people who have hurt us the most, right, came in like wrecking balls and crushed our hearts, our souls, ruined our reputations, talked poorly about us. What if some of those people who hurt us and did that type of damage aren't meant to stay in our lives?take up space in our heads, in our hearts. This is friends, lovers, coworkers, situationships. Think about it. What if they're not just mistakes? What if they weren't sent to destroy us?What if they were teachers our soul needed to meet in order to grow, to blossom?Trust me, when I first started to really break this all down in my brain, I was like, nope, that's not the lesson here. Until I sat back and I scanned all the way back, back into career choices, friendships, friendship circles, even loose acquaintances. But people who arrived not to complete our story, but to crack something open.inside of us, to wake us up, to wake up the parts of us that had been sleeping for years.So naturally my next thought after she says this, I'm sitting across from her and I'm thinking, I'm really thinking all of this in my head. Okay, now do I owe this man royalties for my upcoming book? Should I thank him in that way? Nah. Anyway, what, okay, there was a realization that came out of this after our meeting. And I sat with what she said, something in it.it landed in my soul in a place that I just couldn't ignore because that relationship truly did smooth out the rough edges that I didn't even know I had. See, my whole life I was deemed hyper independent as my mother would call it. She often would make fun of me and laugh and say, since you were six years old, no one could tell you what to do. We couldn't dress you, we couldn't comb your hair.You just, had your clothes laid out the night before. You were, I was not allowed to touch your hair. And so late years later, I'm looking at pictures from, you know, field trips and I'm like, why woman, why did you let me leave the house with a polka dot shirt and striped pants? And my ponytail lopsided and she would say, well, Yvonne, that's just who you are. You are, you're a hyper independent. You've always known exactly what you want, what you're going to do. And there's nothing or no one that can stop you.And so this all made sense to me as I'm sitting across talking to her, I'm realizing I was the overachiever, hyper independent, leave me alone. I can do this all by myself.And I loved the softening that happened and the rough edges that I didn't know I had watching them get polished. And strangely, I noticed that it was preparing me for things that I had been praying for, things that I've been dreaming about and things that I've been calling into my life.But here's something, I guess, some uncomfortableness, is that a word? Or I'll use it. Some uncomfortableness that I had to face. So, because of course I wanted love. Who doesn't, right? Of course I wanted loyalty and I wanted safety from these past partners. Of course I wanted to be admired and adored and validated.But when I got really honest with myself and I let those words land in my bones, I'm not sure I fully ever allowed that before.I'm not even sure I believed I deserved it.Oop, yep, I kept going deeper. I did, I kept going deeper with that. And that made me ask an even deeper question.What if we truly want the things we say we want, and I mean all of us collectively, but we don't allow them, right? We stop them, we block them, we sabotage, but we also get to say, but hey, no, I want that. I really want that. I'm striving for that. I'm headed in that direction.but we actually don't allow that to take place. I wanna talk about a system, right? So we have these systems that trained us to wait, right? I don't wanna get into like the masculine feminine too much, but I am gonna do a podcast on that. today was more of like when me sitting with this question, the more I noticed something else, this was the deeper question, because the world trains us to wait to be chosen. Think about that.The world trains us to wait to be invited, certified, credentialed, ready. We're trained to be approved, to be authorized. We grow up in these systems that reward waiting for permission. Permission to speak, permission to lead, permission to create.permission to walk on a stage and speak, invited to apply for that promotion that you know you deserve.invited to be loved?But the moment your life begins to change is the moment you realize you don't actually need anyone's permission. And I know we hear this a lot. I don't want this to be cliche. I just needed to add this piece into it, because it helps bridge what else, the other things I want to say. Because that is truly when your life begins to change. We say that, like, I don't need anyone. I don't need anyone's permission. I don't need anyone. Right? We say that. Yep.Most of us are quietly waiting for it anyway. Almost like, like think about it like this, like one day the phone, this is how I used to think, one day the phone was gonna ring and it was like somebody was going to call me up and say, hey Yvonne, hey girl, we know that you have a message in your soul. We know that you've been through some stuff and we know that what you have to say, the world needs to hear this. Would you please write that book?Would you please kickstart a podcast that's weird and awkward and it's all over the place?Would you please start that woman's social club? Details on that suit. That was my teaser. But here's the thing, no one's calling to ask, girl, were you traumatized by a narcissist? If so, you may be entitled to compensation.Shameless plug. But no, that moment rarely comes because most of the time, nobody is coming to authorize you. Nobody is coming to deem you worthy, to deem you ready. And that's where things get interesting because almost no one picks themselves. Not because...They don't have innovative and brilliant ideas, not because they don't have talent and creativity, but because it feels incredibly vulnerable to say, hey guys, like and subscribe to my podcast. It's very, very incredibly vulnerable to say, here, I made this. What do you think of my designs?What do you think of my ideas? What do you think of my artwork and my creativity? What are your thoughts on that? It feels exposed. It can even feel a little awkward. Sometimes, I know I've felt like this before, we have imposter syndrome. Sometimes it feels a little arrogant. Like who am I to put out something into the world and say, this came from me. Here, this is myblood, sweat and tears. Hey, here, I wanna share my creativity with you. I made this. I wrote this book that came out of my pain. I left that unhealthy relationship. I started that business because I was unhappy working for someone else. I created this life. I built myself from ground zero.There's a deeper meaning here because those words sound simple. I know, but they carry a ton, an enormous amount of courage. Because when you create something, a life, a business, a book, a piece of art, a new chapter, booking that solo flight, actually clicking purchase.You're no longer waiting to be chosen. You are choosing yourself.And that can feel incredibly uncomfortable the first time you do it. Because choosing yourself means stepping outside the identity that you always lived inside. And those three words, four words, that sentence right here, I made this. Look, look at what I created. Look at my website. Look at my nonprofit. It's incredible.incredibly vulnerable. I feel you and I see you.Cause guess what? It's easier to sit back and scroll social media, right? Watching other people living their lives, teaching about things that they're just not qualified to teach about. Right? Making millions, teaching on something that's very personal and painful that you know that you could be doing. Watching other people just living their lives, traveling, solo traveling, because no one will go with you.building things, creating things. Sometimes people even sit back and criticize others for doing it.Right? It's easier. I'd say that it's easier to sit back and criticize people, get in your little huddles and talk about, you know, whatever someone's doing that when they're actually being brave, it's easier for you to sit back and criticize, mock, ridicule, than it is to step forward and say, this is my dream. What do you all think?step forward and say, I have this crazy idea and I'm going after it.See, the people that are sitting back criticizing, poking fun, all those, what do they call them? Trolls on the internet. Anybody that's doubting anything or just talking badly about what you're doing. See, the world trains us to wait to be chosen. And most people are waiting to be chosen. They want that same life. They want to solo travel. They want to...book flights and visit other countries and try different foods, create a business. They want to do those things, but they've been trained to wait to be chosen.But some of the most powerful people that I know, I know these people personally, they eventually realize they're allowed to choose themselves. I see it every day. I see it in my work. I see it in coworkers. I see it in, you know, with my clients and with my friends and my family. I see it in my daughters. I see them choosing themselves.And this is something I learned in solitude. When I finally walked away from that relationship and spent this like really incredible quality time with myself, real time alone. That's when everything became clear because solitude removes the noise. It removes the distractions. And suddenly you can see the patterns that you couldn't see before.I've also watched something else happen over the years. And honestly, it's kind of wild to witness. It took me a while to even identify this in therapy and then break it down. Why?because I've watched people specifically, a few of my exes move from one breath, I love you, I can't live without you, I'll never love again. You're the only one for me. You're my forever love. And within weeks, they were in fact still living, still living and loving someone else. And I'll be honest, that mess with my head for a while.Because when you hear those words, believe them. You think that kind of love means something permanent. We've all experienced this before. And watching someone move from one relationship straight into another, weeks later, without pausing, without reflecting, without growing, without asking themselves what in the entire bleep just happened.What did this teach me?And I was thinking about it, why do people do this? Why have I specifically seen this? Because see, a lot of people aren't actually leaving one relationship and entering another. They're escaping themselves. And I know because I've done this before. And this doesn't only happen in relationships. People do this with friendships, with careers, with dreams. They leave one thing and immediately fill the space with something else, a new partner, a new job.A new distraction, anything to avoid the uncomfortable question, what actually happened here? What part did I play and what needs to heal before I ever start over again?There's so much discomfort in stillness because reflection requires something many people are deeply uncomfortable with, and that's stillness.Because when the noise disappears, when there's no new relationship to distract you, no job title defining your identity, no constant activity keeping you busy, you're left alone with yourself.patterns, your fears, your wounds, and sometimes your dreams.And that kind of honesty takes courage because it might show you things you've been avoiding for years.And trust me, I understand the temptation to avoid that. I really do. I'm the person that has TVs going in all rooms, upstairs, downstairs. I have my computer and I have music playing. Just the silence was just, was, gosh, it's not very comfortable for me. The silence, the stillness, the quiet, the calm, the peace. I understand the temptation to want to avoid it.Reflection is just so uncomfortable. Self-reflection in particular, holding the mirror and looking at yourself. What was my part? But the thing is, that growth requires space and healing requires reflection. And reflection requires stillness.And when I finally shut everything off, everything and everyone, and I finally allowed myself that stillness, that's when everything started becoming clear. And that clarity, it changed something fundamental. Not just about him, about me.about my patterns, about my boundaries, about what I was tolerating and what I'll never tolerate again. It really had me crystal clear on what kind of life I actually wanted to build and who I wanted to build it with.So guys, basically I'm a walking green flag now. Which is, hey, this is great news. You know why? Because historically I've been known to date like a raccoon with a flashlight. Just kind of grabbing whatever shiny thing just showed up. You know, it's like tall and toxic. Yes ma'am, give me two of those. So I say this, I speak from experience. I've done it all.jumped from one relationship to another, hoping that next one would fill me, would distract me. I've stayed in those situations longer than I should have. I've walked away from toxic friendships. I've left jobs that weren't aligned anymore. And eventually I realized something that humbled me to my core. You take you everywhere you go.It reminded me of this quote. said, I think I talked about it last week, but it cut out for some reason. You can't change the people around you, but you can change the people around you.But my point is now I really am comfortable sitting with the question. I ask myself often, if there's a disagreement or a misunderstanding, I generally pull away for a sec, catch my breath, and then I ask myself, what was my part? And what needs to heal before I start again? Because I'm not jumping on that cra-Crazy train again. I actually hear the little inner Yvonne. She's like, please, please make this. Don't get back on again. Walk away. I love her.The other day I was at work and we were joking around with my clients and I finally declared, all right guys, I am ready to date. I think I said this a few podcasts or episodes ago. I said, I'm finally ready to date again. I was like, coach, put me in. But I feel that, see, for the first time something feels different in me.Because in all of my years of dating, and I want you single people to think about this, in all of my years of dating, which really wasn't that long, but I don't think I ever actually prepared myself for a partner before. I just kind of showed up. I told you. A raccoon with a flashlight just grabbing things. I just showed up.I wasn't intentional and now I am. And I feel like I have gone off on a complete different tangent than I was even talking about, but whatever. Let's land this plane. Okay, let's do this. Let's bring this plane back in for some landing here. Because everything we talked about, it really does. I hope you get the message today. It really comes back to one idea. And I think about it like the shift, right? So maybe, I just want you to think about it like this.The reason your next level feels uncomfortable, right? Let's say you're peeking over that cliff and you're like, yeah, I wanna get over there to that other side. I wanna look this way, I wanna feel this way, I wanna do this, I wanna create this, I wanna build this, I want to cash this large check, right? All of those things, that next level may feel really uncomfortable. And so maybe the reason for you feeling uncomfortable is not because you can't handle it.or it's not meant for you, maybe it's because you're becoming someone your past never required you to be, right? You're letting go of the systems that trained you to wait. The systems that trained you to just be chill, be good, smile. Don't cause havoc and chaos and waves. Just sit still, look pretty.Maybe you're leveling up to this new version of yourself, someone who chooses themselves, someone who stops waiting to be picked, someone who realizes they're allowed to begin starting right now.Someone who says yes.And this is something I've been practicing in my own life lately. Just really, really focused on being very intentional. Instead of asking, you know, I want to do something. What if I fail? What if this thing fails? What if this whole thing blows up in my face and I come crashing down? I've been asking myself a different question, training my brain. I ask myself, what if the most strategic thing you did today was simply just be you, be yourself?Fully, completely, the version of you that's been waiting underneath all of the expectations.So make that post. Post those pictures. Cut your hair. Book the trip. Start the business. Do something that scares you often. Try the thing that keeps whispering to you. Try it. Not because you're guaranteed success, but because you're curious enough to find out.If I'm a few steps ahead of you, then here's some unsolicited advice because I've come to believe this deeply. There is no such thing as failure. I say this all the time in every group, just about weekly. say, there's no such thing as failure. It goes back to the question at the workshop, right? Or the statement, you were meant to meet this person and he was meant to break your heart wide open.Right? There's no such thing as failure. My relationship ending wasn't a failure. My divorce was not a failure. There's only research. Research into what works, what worked, and research into what didn't. Research into who you're becoming. Do the research. Sometimes the life that you've been...you've been praying for and calling in, dreaming about, visualizing, writing down. Sometimes that life is simply waiting for the version of you who finally allows it. Who's like, yeah, this is mine. I got this, I can do this. Or I just did this.And that's actually one of the reasons I've been creating something a little, well, it's new, it's fun. I'm so excited. I've been leveling up in my own life and just realized something. Your village, your circle, your people, your dream team, it matters. Last week I talked about what we're allowing in, right? Mind, body, soul, everything that's coming into our, we're allowing in.matters. And friends, I'm telling you, my circle right now, it's kind of incredible. I'm not going to lie. I can't believe that I'm finally surrounding myself with that, this crew, these people that were finding each other, right? All of our radars are up and we're being led to one another. We're having fun outings and coffees and dinners and dates. And it's a group of women who love hard.who laugh, who cry, who self-reflect, who call themselves out. They drink, they cuss, they pray. They go to church, they go to yoga, sound baths, and we break out in dance parties.It's the most beautiful mix of growth and joy that I've had the experience of being a part of. And being around women like that inspired me to create something even bigger. So I'm so excited. I'm launching a women's social club. So it's not gonna be stuffy at all. So don't get your panties in a wad. This is gonna be a space for women who are ready to stop waiting to be chosen.Women who want to build friendships, who are ready to say, you know what? Yeah, I was in that system. I was held down. I thought I had to wait, right? I thought I needed permission. But they're ready to build friendships and adventures, businesses and lives that they're proud of. Women who are ready to pick themselves. Because if we can identify what truly matters to us,and then choose ourselves not to win a prize, not even to prove something, but because we have agency, because we can.That is freedom, my friends. And freedom is showing up in a world and saying, here, I made this.Here, I posted this. Here, I uploaded this.I'm really excited. We're kicking things off in about two weeks. I don't wanna give the exact date because I don't know it off the top of my head. And we're gonna do every other weekend is a little outing and then something special once a month. And once a year is a big travel adventure. So if you are ready to travel with some chicks, let's do it. You don't wanna miss this, cause I'm hysterical. I'm fun. When I travel, you wanna come with me. So.We will have a blast, I promise you that. All the details will be posted soon on my social media, my website, and shared really by word of mouth. We know scrubs, we don't want any of those. So stay tuned. The thing, what I'm already saying, this thing is already growing. We are soft launching in a few cities and states near you. it's there girls, it is all there.So if anything we talked about today resonated with you, how about if any of this made sense to you?Would you do me a favor and would you hit the like button, the whatever it is, share, share, like all that stuff, do all that. Share with somebody who you think might need to hear this. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Week. You've been listening to the Unfolding Podcast. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

This episode explores how our daily consumption of food, substances, information, people, and thoughts impacts our nervous system, mood, and overall well-being. It emphasizes the power of awareness and intentional choices in restoring balance and health. keywordsnervous system, mental health, lifestyle, self-care, neuroplasticity, emotional regulation, health, wellness, mindfulness, habits key topicsThe five things we consume daily that influence our nervous system: food, substances, information, people, thoughtsThe connection between gut health and mood, including serotonin production in the gutThe effects of alcohol on sleep and nervous system regulationThe influence of social media and news on stress levels and mental healthThe importance of surrounding yourself with supportive people and setting boundariesThe concept of neuroplasticity and how thoughts shape neural pathwaysPractical steps for mindful consumption and emotional regulation guest nameTitlesThe 5 Daily Inputs That Shape Your Nervous System and LifeHow What You Consume Every Day Affects Your Mental Health sound bites"What have you been consuming?""You can change your neural pathways.""Your thoughts shape your reality."Chapters00:00 Introduction: The Impact of Daily Consumption on Well-Being01:19 The Nervous System Doesn't Distinguish Between Types of Input02:57 Feeling Overwhelmed? It Might Be Your Consumption Habits03:49 Your Life Is the Sum of What You Consume04:27 The Five Daily Inputs That Shape Us05:23 Personal Story: Feeling Like a Zombie06:21 Can What We Consume Heal Us?08:09 The Role of Food in Mental and Physical Health09:00 Inflammation, Gut Health, and Mood10:14 Simple Changes for Better Nervous System Regulation13:26 The Impact of Alcohol on Sleep and Stress20:04 The Effect of Media and Information Overload23:26 The Power of Surroundings and Relationships30:28 The Influence of Thoughts and Self-Talk34:01 Neuroplasticity: Rewiring Your Brain35:49 The Power of Mindful Thought Patterns39:53 Taking Control of Your Consumption for Better Health resourcesDr. Daniel Amon on Neuroplasticity - https://www.example.com/neuroplasticityNeuroscientist Dr. Huberman Podcast - https://www.youtube.com/DrHubermanThe Power of Neuroplasticity by Norman Doidge - https://www.amazon.com/Power-Neuroplasticity-Rewiring-Your-Brain/dp/0142180955 Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

keywords: image management, authenticity, self-trust, emotional health, relationships, shame, performance, identity, personal growth, attachment theorysummary: In this episode, Yvonne Wink explores the concept of image management, a socially rewarded behavior that often leads to self-abandonment and disconnection from one's true self. She discusses how this pattern begins in childhood, driven by attachment styles and the need for approval. The conversation delves into the emotional costs of maintaining an image, the impact on relationships, and the journey towards authenticity and self-trust. Yvonne emphasizes the importance of dismantling image management to build genuine connections and live a life aligned with one's true identity.takeawaysImage management is a dangerous pattern that can cost authenticity.People often mistake performance for strength, leading to self-abandonment.Attachment styles influence how we manage our image in relationships.Self-abandonment can lead to anxiety, resentment, and misalignment.The deepest wounds often come from self-betrayal, not just betrayal by others.Authenticity is the antidote to shame and disconnection.Image management can shape our future relationships and careers.Reinventing oneself involves letting go of protective strategies.Self-trust is built through congruence between inner feelings and outer expressions.Peace is more valuable than admiration or applause. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

keywords: Image management, authenticity, self-trust, emotional health, relationships, shame, performance, identity, personal growth, attachment theorysummary: In this episode, Yvonne Wink explores the concept of image management, a socially rewarded behavior that often leads to self-abandonment and disconnection from one's true self. She discusses how this pattern begins in childhood, driven by attachment styles and the need for approval. The conversation delves into the emotional costs of maintaining an image, the impact on relationships, and the journey towards authenticity and self-trust. Yvonne emphasizes the importance of dismantling image management to build genuine connections and live a life aligned with one's true identity.takeawaysImage management is a dangerous pattern that can cost authenticity.People often mistake performance for strength, leading to self-abandonment.Attachment styles influence how we manage our image in relationships.Self-abandonment can lead to anxiety, resentment, and misalignment.The deepest wounds often come from self-betrayal, not just betrayal by others.Authenticity is the antidote to shame and disconnection.Image management can shape our future relationships and careers.Reinventing oneself involves letting go of protective strategies.Self-trust is built through congruence between inner feelings and outer expressions.Peace is more valuable than admiration or applause.titlesUnmasking Image Management: The Hidden Costs of PerformanceThe Journey to Authenticity: Breaking Free from Image ManagementSound Bites"No one asks, are you abandoning yourself?""Self-abandonment doesn't look dramatic.""The cost of image management is exhaustion."Chapters00:00The Dangers of Image Management02:25Understanding Image Management08:27The Roots of Image Management12:07Attachment Patterns and Performance17:13The Cost of Self-Abandonment22:21The Impact of Image Management on Relationships27:15Shame and Authenticity30:06The Hidden Costs of Image Management34:04Reinventing Yourself Beyond the Mask39:47Building Self-Trust and Authenticity Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome back. Last episode we talked about... My phone is ringing and someone's knocking at the door.Of course I hit record and all that happens. Last episode we talked about image management, about performing, about shrinking, about becoming the version of ourselves that felt the safest at that time. Today's episode goes hand in hand because once you take the mask off, you're left with a terrifying and beautiful question.Will I dare to be seen?Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink, and I'm really glad you're here.Here's what's interesting about today's episode. See, I believe we're all asking that very question right now. I see it in my everyday conversations with various clients and friends and family and, you know, we see it, we see that language floating around. We may not be asking it out loud, but culturally and collectively, it's everywhere. It's out.You know, like I said, these terms are floating around through the internet and social media platforms. The term main character energy, right? Be the plot twist, the glow up, the comeback story, and romanticizing your life. Don't get me wrong, I love all of this. I am in for all of it. We have all these phrases though, trying to describewhat it means to show up differently. But I sat with this and I was asking myself, what does that really mean? Is it pulling me back into that image management that I had spent so many years in, right? Protecting that narrative and putting out the perception that I needed everyone to understand about me.So I started to think about these phrases and these terms that are floating all over right now, this language. I like them, it sounds great, I'm in, I'm in for all of it. Because I get hyped up when I hear romanticize your life. I love that, I do. I redecorated my room, I buy myself flowers every week, beautiful roses, I switch them out pink and white. I take myself out to dinners and.and just really enjoy myself, candlelights and drinking, you know, out of my wine glasses, even my water in there. And so I'm in, I even like when people say, you really got main character energy. I'm like, you know what I do. But it's cool, right? I love it. But how do we live them without turning that into another performance? Because I know for sure I don't ever want to go backwards. So.That's why it was important for me to bring this topic to your ears today. That's what we're gonna talk about today. We're not chasing the trends, we're translating them. How about that? Let's translate them through psychology, through nervous system work, through lived experience in a grounded way, in a nervous system regulated, self-trusting, dare to be seen kind of way. Because that's what I do.Climb on board, here we go. I wanna give you, I wish you were here in person. This would be really fun to have this conversation. But I'm gonna give you my take on main character energy. And this is gonna be the grown woman translation. The first time I heard the phrase main character energy, it wasn't on social media or the internet or even a podcast. It was from my then 19, 20 year old daughter. She looked at me and said,Mom, dump him. You're so main character energy and he's like pulling total supporting cast. Let him go.That line alone could carry the room, but to know her is to love her. We all know who I'm talking about. Main character energy, it sounds dramatic. It sounds like you're walking in slow motion. This is how I visualize it. Like we're walking in slow motion with background music playing and, but what if it's simpler than that? What if main character energy is just this? It's just showing up.for your own life. Not waiting to be invited, not waiting to be chosen, not even waiting to be ready. Moving, sifting through and past the people and things that are no longer in alignment. Shh, it looks like saying yes.I've learned something in these last five years on this wild roller coaster journey of mine, that I've learned that fear isn't the enemy. Fear can actually be useful. It can protect you. It can save your life, right? If it's calibrated correctly, it can 100 % save your life.But unexamined fear, whew. Unexamined fear, that is what keeps you small. See, I've also learned this as I study human behavior. Most people aren't afraid of failing. They're afraid of being visible.of stepping out of the shadows that once kept them protected, of no longer hiding behind the versions of themselves that felt safe. What happens if I pivot left when everyone's going right? What happens if this new endeavor that I've been talking about and saving for and planning for, what if it all blows up in my face? What if thisdream that I've had on my heart for so long just fails. What if I bring my work to the world and it's not understood by others? What if I end up alone?Most people aren't afraid of failing. They're afraid of being seen trying. They're afraid of being seen wanting and desiring, being seen growing and hurting, failing, even evolving. That's the real fear. It's not just failure. It's that people will see the failure happen. It'll that they'll seeus in an emotional breakdown state. They'll see us hurting.they'll see us, the visibility. Because visibility means vulnerability. And vulnerability means that you may just be judged. yeah. Or misunderstood.up, you know, causing chaos and anger in someone? Rejected? And if you've ever been rejected or caused someone to be so upset with you, your nervous system remembers that.So of course it hesitates. Of course it screams, stop, no, this won't work. But here's the small little shift. Daring to be seen doesn't mean you have to be loud. It just means that you get honest. Some days daring to be seen looks bold. It looks like speaking up in a meeting, wearingthat thing that you love wearing. Cutting off your hair.posting something that you wrote.sharing that selfie and some days it looks like getting out of bed when you didn't want to.maybe answering that email.going to therapy, not texting him back.Choosing water over booze.Maybe taking a walk instead of spiraling. All of that counts. Revolution, change, it doesn't have to be cinematic. Sometimes it's quiet survival. Sometimes it's the quiet voice inside that says, I'm still here. And that whisper, that's courage.And maybe that's what real main character energy is. Not the spotlight, not the dramatic entrance, but the quiet decision to stay in your own story, to keep showing up, to keep choosing yourself, even when no one is clapping, even when everyone is doubting. That to me is the lead role.And when you finally accept that you are the lead, something powerful in you shifts. You stop performing for an audience and you start evolving for yourself. You start growing and learning all for yourself.That's where this phrase, this phrase comes in, be the plot twist. Have you heard that? The internet says, pardon me. It's a shock them, right? Shock factor, glow up, come back better, look hotter, do some complete makeover from head to toe, make them regret it. And listen, I get it.What I started to really understand about that is that still centers around them. That energy still requires someone else to notice, to react, to validate the transformation that took place. But that's your work.That evolved version? Be the plot twist you never saw coming. How about that? Not louder, but just calmer. Not even reactive, but responsive.The real plot twist is subtle. You don't over explain because your no is enough. You don't argue for clarity anymore because confusion is information, right? No response is a response. You don't chase inconsistency because alignment feels better than adrenaline. And you detach from drama.because you've worked so hard to create that peace in your life. And peace is more attractive than chaos.Here's the really cool science behind that. When you stop feeding adrenaline loops, what happens is you stop rehearsing arguments in your head and you stop chasing emotional chaos, your brain starts to rewire itself. Neural pathways that once lit up for conflict, they begin to silence, they begin to chill out and quiet. Your nervous system recalibrates.and what once felt exciting or exhilarating or something that you were connected to and thriving and craving, that behavior starts to feel exhausting and you don't want to do it anymore.Drama addiction fades. Peace starts to feel normal. That's neuroplasticity. That's emotional maturity. And that's your brain choosing the regulation over the reaction that it once used to do. And let me tell you something, this is not petty, it's growth. And that is the revolution that I'm talking about.I want to talk about another one of my favorite phrases and something that I've quietly become obsessed with. I said this a little earlier, romanticizing your life. I hear that a lot, right? And I wanted to break that down and not in an influencer way, but in a presence kind of way. Romanticizing your life isn't about aesthetics. It's about awareness. It's lighting that candle on.a random Monday night like tonight. It's using that expensive wine glass for water. It's making your coffee slowly and enjoying every taste, every sip, instead of chugging while you're scrolling or not even being present while you're drinking it.buying yourself flowers and redecorating your room without having to post about it.It's taking a long way home because, well, you can.And maybe it's about booking that solo flight because, well, you want to.It's not about looking like you have a beautiful life. It's about experiencing a beautiful life.Here's something that we need to say out loud. I've heard this before. I believe it's a quote and I can't remember who it is, but, and when I do, I always butcher it. So I won't. But the notion is comparison is the thief of joy. I love that saying and I live by it often. The internet makes it easy to think someone else's glow means that there's less light available for you. And that's scarcity.And scarcity is belief that there isn't enough. Not enough success, not enough love, not enough attention, not enough good men, right? Not enough room at the table. It's a nervous system state. And when you're dysregulated, you compare. When you're regulated, you create.A regulated nervous system, it doesn't compete. It doesn't need to compete. What it does when it's regulated, when your nervous system is regulated, it begins to expand. And you get to believe, you believe more. You believe that there is room for all of us to grow, for all of us to evolve, for all of us to own homes, buy cars, start podcasts, write books. Your joy doesn't diminish mine. We work side by side. We work together.And daring to be seen means enjoying your life without asking anyone for freaking permission. And without, certainly without waiting for someone else to shrink. I don't need you to be less than so that I can be bigger. There's room for all of us.Have you heard that phrase, this version of me, dot, dot, like fill in the blank type thing? I love that phrase too. I'm not mad at it, but not as a flex. I really don't. I actually look at that statement, this version of me, I look at it as a boundary because what I've been able to create in my life is this version of me doesn't fill in the blank, right? Doesn't over explain anymore.I don't stay where I feel small. I don't argue for my worth. I don't beg to be seen. I don't pretend confusion is chemistry. I used to call it mystery or depth.or he's just complicated guys. But my body was anxious. I was decoding texts, signs, confusing messages, reading tone shifts, explaining away red flags. Now, if I have to analyze you more than I enjoy you, it's a wrap for you, friend. If it's not chemistry, it's chaos, and chaos is not connection. And guess what, bud?You're out of here. That's dysregulation dressed up as passion. This version of me, this version of me speaks clearly the first time. She says what she says. She leaves earlier, sleeps in more, sleeps in her silk PJs, laughs louder, protects her peace above all else.and none of that happened overnight. It happened through these tiny micro shifts, these micro decisions that I began making, these daily ones, and it was slow, slow burns. They were really unimpressive initially. I started doubting my doubts before I doubted my truth, because we can get stuck on all the what ifs, you know, and, but what?about getting stuck on the possibilities? What about getting completely stuck and ruminating on all of the possibilities that await you?I started sitting in silence long enough to hear what I actually needed, not what I was trained to tolerate. Because most of the time, if not all, your intuition is accurate.It's your fear that's loud. It's the fear that's running its mouth in your ears. Fear speaks fast. It's running. It's kind of like those slick guys juggling using their hands and toes and tongue and eyeballs. They're juggling, right? And they're talking quickly so that you can't sit still long enough to study them and learn them. That's Intuition, that speaks steady. It's grounded. It's calm.Fear sounds urgent. Intuition sounds clear. Fear protects the familiar and intuition protects your alignment. And daring to be seen means learning the difference, not silencing the fear, but letting it drive. Hey fear, you can come in, but you're gonna have to sit in the back seat there and shh, because I'm going places.Somewhere in all of this, daring to be seen became my theme last year. Not because I love being seen, because those of you that truly know me know that I, if I'm being completely honest, I don't. I don't like putting myself out there because I know I'm weird and quirky. And my whole, you know, game was like, oh gosh, please don't let anyone know. Well, it turns out everyone did know already, so whatever. But I did, I got tired of playing small. I was.I was tired of shrinking to stay comfortable. I was tired of checking my tone and making sure that I was saying everything correctly so I wasn't making others feel uncomfortable.My mom had dreams of traveling the world. And she passed away before she ever got a chance to do that. And in that, something in me realized, if I don't go, if I don't try, if I don't show up, if I don't put my interpretation out, my work out, I'm not just staying small. I'm abandoning myself.And so last year I committed to daring to be seen. Speaking before I was fully confident and even applying before I felt qualified. Booking the damn flight, trying that thing, failing, letting myself be witnessed mid growth. You're all, you're all standing by watching this. Me.allowing myself to be witnessed mid growth. And I'm telling you something, it's uncomfortable. It is. But that discomfort, it's also expansion. Daring to be seen is vulnerable. You don't have to be the loudest in the room. You just have to be present in your own life. And something else I've learned. I've learned that when I rose up and said,I'm daring to be seen. It started in my body. It's not wearing something bigger, bolder, louder. It's about regulating yourself enough that you don't shrink, that you don't even feel the need to shrink. It's walking into rooms wondering if you belong, right? That's what I'm saying. It's not that. It's not walking into rooms wondering if you belong. I walk into rooms and I just take a deep breath.Drop my shoulders, unclench my jaw. I slow my pace by, well, I don't know, 10 % because I can ramble and talk fast and as soon, my brain and mouth don't always catch up. They're not always in sync, but I'm learning to make eye contact and hold it just a few seconds longer when I walk into rooms. See, the old me would walk in places scanning.Who do I need to be when I'm here? Is my outfit okay? How many times have I said and like?New me walks in asking, how do I want to feel when I'm here?That's daring to be seen. Not performing. Just present.Here's a little neuroscience behind it. When your body signals safety, guess what happens? Your brain follows. Yeah. Confidence is often just a regulated nervous system. When everything started to chill out in my life and I started being able to breathe and regulate my nervous system, I noticed this confidence emerging that I was, where is this coming from? Right? Am I qualified? I went through all those, butI realized that the confidence was just my regulated nervous system. It wasn't arrogance. It wasn't even, it wasn't volume. It was regulation. It wasn't even qualification sometimes. It's walking into that room and not shrinking. It's staying rooted in your own presence. It's choosing not to disappear.Regulated people don't need to be loud. They stay. Not staring to be seen.What I've learned recently is the glow up isn't about impressing anyone because listen, I've learned this. I've probably pissed off more people than I've impressed. But what I'm no longer afraid of anymore is being seen, is speaking my truth, is making mistakes, is fumbling and stumbling over my words, is speaking from my heart that truth straight from my heart.Even if it's messy at times, even mid growth, even if it doesn't always make sense. Because for me, it's now about alignment. It's about our insides finally matching our outsides. It's about our words and our actions finally being congruent and aligning. It's about trusting yourself to be visible, not perfect, visible.You don't need dramatic reinventions. You just need small, brave, tiny little moments. A sentence just spoken honestly. just a simple, I have no idea, that answer. A boundary that you're holding very calmly. Maybe a dream pursued quietly.Dare to be seen.Even if your voice shakes, even if you're not fully ready, even if all you did today was open your eyes and wake up, you haven't even rolled over yet. That counts. I promise.So now, if you're somewhere, you can. Place your hand on your heart. Take one slow breath in.and let it out. And then repeat after me. I do not need to perform to belong.I am allowed to take up space.I trust myself enough to be visible.I dare to be seen.One more breath.This is your life. Show up for it.I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. Thank you so much for being here. If this touched your heart... Whoa, that was loud.If this may just sit up a little straighter, breathe a little deeper, or just feel a little braver, would you do me a favor? Share this with someone who's ready to be seen too. Have an incredible day. Until next time. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Let me tell you the most dangerous role I ever played. The Good Woman.The chill, mature, the one who took the high road, the patient one, the funny one, the forgiving one, the evolved one, the one who could look away and call it grace, a good daughter, good sister, a good mama, good friend, a good partner, even a good ex.I used to think I was just being strong, stoic.In reality, I was managing an image. And image management is one of the most socially rewarded and psychologically dangerous patterns that we carry. It almost cost me my authenticity because it looks like strength, but it's actually fear.And the hardest part, everyone applauds you for it. They do. They compliment your composure. They praise your maturity. They call you so evolved. They tell you how admirable you are and how you handled it with such grace and dignity.No one says. Are you abandoning yourself?No one asks, is this alignment or is this performance?because performance is rewarded, especially in women, especially in people who learned at a very young age that being agreeable meant being safe. And that's where this gets dangerous because when you get rewarded for self abandonment, you start mistaking it for identity.Welcome to the unfolding podcast. I am your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. I'm so glad to be back. I'm on fire today. Here's why. I've been cooped up in the house for about a good week and a half with that flu. And I'm just here delivering some good old fashioned truth. So hang tight. It's going to be a great episode. Thank you for being here today. Today, we're pulling off the mask.We're talking about image management, the socially rewarded performance that keeps us admired and quietly, quietly disconnected. We're gonna break down what it is, why we do it, how attachment patterns and the nervous system drive it, and what it looked like in many of my own relationships.You may even see yourself in my shoes at times. By the end of this conversation, you're gonna understand why dismantling image management isn't just growth work, it's the foundation of self-trust.What is image management, you ask? That is a great question and I'm so grateful you asked.It's image management is when you adjust yourself so that other others stay comfortable. Ouch. It's when you start to tweak your tone a bit, when you edit your language, when you edit your reaction, you downplay your needs so you don't risk being too much. It's not lying. It's editing.curating, shrinking, softening your truth so that it lands better for others.And here's the tricky part. It can look like maturity. Like you walked away and you took the higher road.Like you're evolved.It looks like being the chill girl, that cool girl that everyone gets along with, God, she's just so easy going, right? The good guy. The low maintenance one, the strong one, the unbothered one.But underneath it, there's usually fear.Because when we believe that being fully seen might cost us love or even just acceptance, we begin performing.One of the great researchers on this, Dr. Brene Brown, calls it, I love this term, she calls it hustling for worthiness. I did a lot of that. And listen, before you start telling yourself, this isn't me, Yvonne, this is for someone else, because I've got it all together, let me lovingly interrupt you. Human beings are wired for belonging. Every single...one of us, no matter how moody and quiet and goth you like to be, every single one of us is wired this way. We're wired for belonging. Shame isn't weakness. It's just the fear of disconnection. Shame is the belief that if people really saw us,All of us, the messy parts, the complicated parts of us, the indecisive one, right? Even the insecure us. All the emotional parts of us, the needy parts of us. If people really saw all of that, all of that truth, they'd leave.That's where imposter syndrome lives too. Imposter syndrome is just image management in professional clothing. It's that voice that says, if they really, really knew who I was, they'd realize I don't belong here. I know that feeling. I felt like that the very first time I hit record.It happens to all of us.So what do we do? Well, some of us curate. Some of us soften our anger. We shrink our needs. We over explain. We become really easy to digest. We become lost. We talk ourselves out of what our gut is trying to say. Sometimes it looks like that person that's really defensive.maybe even aggressive. Sometimes it looks like that person that just checks out often. Sometimes it looks like acting like we don't care. I'm above this. I am so chill. have zero oops to give. I'm fine. It's not always shrinking. Sometimes it's pretending that we are untouchable.Image management is not confidence. That's what it's not. It's armor. And that armor is really heavy.Have you ever wondered where your image management started? Because I know now the wheels are turning in your head and you're thinking, do I, am I image management control? Yes, you are, we all are. Did you ever wonder where it started? Because I did. And when I began unpacking this, it took me way back, years back. Here's what I didn't realize. Image management doesn't,begin in adulthood, even though that's when we become more cognizant of it, you know, of understanding how we are showing up in the world, but it begins in childhood. It begins the moment that we start asking ourselves, even subconsciously, what version of me keeps connection? What version of me gets the approval, the nods, the smiles?because we learn early. I get praised when I behave in this certain way. I get attention when I achieve.I stay safe when I don't rock the boat. And I don't get abandoned when I'm agreeable.Let's pause here, okay? We're not here to shame our caregivers because some of us listening are caregivers ourselves. We're here to understand the emotional environment we adapted to. I think when we do that, we're able to heal it. We're able to name it, address it, and heal it, and change it. Because attachment theory,tells us something really profound. Listen, when connection feels uncertain, the nervous system adapts. And we learned this very early. Long before we had language for it, we began performing. Not because we were fake, but because we were trying to survive emotionally. See, if love felt inconsistent,We learned to amplify, we turned up. We became louder, meatier, more expressive. If love felt conditional, we learned to perform. We became impressive, capable, and super responsible.If conflict felt unsafe, we learned to suppress. We became quiet, composed, and easy.See, anxious attachment often sounds like, I will prove that I'm lovable. And avoidant attachment often sounds like, I'll prove I don't need you.Listen carefully. Both are image management. Both are pretty good strategies. They're both really protective. But neither are fully authentic.We don't become who we are. We become who kept us safe.And the version of you that kept you safe at seven might not be the version that builds intimacy at 4757.So here's where this will get a little biological. Let's do, stay with me here for a sec. When a child senses emotional instability, let's say, even it's very subtle, their nervous system registers a threat, not a physical threat, a relational threat. And for a child, relational threat feels like a survival threat.our bodies adapt. Some of us learned to fight. That's how we adapted. Some of us learned to flee, to run, to get out of dodge. Some of us froze.And some of us fawned. I talked a little bit about this in last season and some of the earlier episodes because I think fawn in our trauma responses is not talked enough about. So I wanted to, I'm gonna talk a little bit about that today. Some of us learned to fawn. And so fawning is where I believe image management really lives. So fawning sounds something like whatever you need, it's fine, it's all good. No, I'm good.huh, I understand, totally. Yes, go ahead, walk all over me. I'll be easier next time. Yeah. That pattern becomes, it gets rewarded, okay? Especially in girls. How about sensitive souls? But I say especially in girls and especially in women.especially in high achieving boys who learned that that love came through performance. So we grew up and we call it maturity, right? But it's regulation. It's really regulation through approval. I want you to think about it like that. I want you to just ponder on that for a sec. Regulation through approval. So here's the reason I'm bringing this up for this very reason. This is the part that nobody tells you. I didn't know this.for years. When you live in image management long enough, many, many, many years, your emotional range begins to narrow. So you don't just suppress anger, you suppress your intuition, your own thoughts, your feelings, you suppress your wants, your needs, your desires. You suppress your truth.And over time, that turns into anxiety, it builds into resentment, exhaustion, and this vague sense of misalignment. You know something's off, you can't put your finger on it because your body knows when you're not congruent, even if your mind is convincing you that you are.Let's talk about the gender layer for a second here. Women are often rewarded for being agreeable, right women? I know you're nodding your heads everywhere.We're rewarded for being emotionally intelligent and for smoothing over conflicts, for being able to hold space, being the safe one, right? Holding that container for people to just trum a dump and say whatever it is they have to say. We're rewarded for being that. And men...are often rewarded for being the stoic one, right? The one that has their chest puffed out and they're unaffected, right? They're rewarded for being independent and just not needing too much. Both can be image management. Listen to this. One shrinks, one distances. Both are forms of armor and neither creates the intimacy.we need.So when I say we don't become who we are, we become who kept us safe, here's what that means. The good girl, the strong one, the chill one, the stoic one, the unbothered one. That wasn't your personality, that was your protection. And protection is not your identity, it's strategy.and strategies can be retired.I wanna talk about what happens when we get so caught up in image management, Projecting what we want others to see, think and feel about us. This is where it becomes expensive. Not just emotionally expensive, but life shaping expensive. Research in relational trauma, it shows that repeated,Self-silencing predicts an all-over relationship dissatisfaction. It increases the anxiety and depression that we suffer throughout life. But most importantly, just the all-over relationship dissatisfaction with others, friends, family, lovers, ourselves. So I wanna translate that. Think about it like this.Every time you override your intuition to maintain connection with something or someone, you erode your personal self-trust. Every time your gut says, that didn't feel good, I didn't like the way you talked to me. And you also say, that's fine.You just chipped away at yourself. See, self-abandonment doesn't look dramatic. It sounds like, well, it's not that big of a deal. I'm probably just overreacting. I'm not gonna say anything because I don't wanna cause drama. I'm just gonna let this go. I'm sure they didn't mean it like that. I'm sure it wasn't meant to be disrespectful. I'm probably just too sensitive.Here's the dangerous part. You do that long enough and you don't know what you feel anymore. You don't know what you need. You don't know what's real. You just know you're tired. And when you don't know what you feel, there's no way you can begin to build a life aligned with who you are. That's the million dollar problem. You build a life compatible.with the mask.I want to share something. In my marriage, image management looked like being the complicit one, just the, that stoic, solid shut my mouth, silent one. The one who just dealt with it. The one who didn't complain. The one who didn't ask for more than he could give. The one who understood this is just the way it is.This is just the way he is. The one who looked away.I thought that made me strong. I thought that allowed me to hold it all together and present as strong and independent and stoic and confident. Because for years, for years, I heard things like, look around you. Look what I provide for you. You want more? Well, you go to work then. You travel. You travel the world then. I'm not stopping you.I'll quit my job tomorrow if that's what you want and I'll stay home and just watch the kids.And suddenly my needs felt unreasonable, ungrateful. It felt demanding. It felt like a douche lord.So I stopped asking. I stopped expressing them crystal clear. Not because I didn't have them, but because I didn't want to look difficult. I didn't want to come off as difficult. I wasn't asking for something impossible. I was asking the wrong person.But instead of standing in that truth, instead of facing that just head on, I managed the image. I maintained composure. I swallowed it.Clicked my neck, cracked my neck.and resentment grows quietly. It doesn't explode at first, it erodes. Because when you abandon yourself long enough, you do, start to disappear in your own life. And I disappeared for years. Divorce doesn't just end a relationship, it ends the version of you who believed performance would secure love.And even in my most recent image management relationships, managing all of that got a little sneakier, right? Because I had done some therapy. I had grown. I was in school. I was studying human behavior. I had grown. I thought I was aware.But I wanted to look secure. I wanted to come across as secure and healed and untriggered, unbothered. I didn't want to aggravate him any more than he was. I was already on thin ice living in his house. Right, there it is again. Don't ask for more. Don't ask for more, Yvonne. He was often disappointed in me. And even while I was grieving my mother,even while life had handed me more than most people carry at once, instead of saying, Yvonne, this is too much. This is too much for you to bear. This is too much to carry. I just said, I'll adjust.So when something felt off, I intellectualized it. I would soften it. I gave grace. I forgave. I looked away.days before.big betrayal. I was being told that I was the love of this person's life. I guess I wanted that narrative to be true. That I managed my doubts instead of honoring them. I gaslit myself before he ever did. That's the trap. You can manage perception. You can't manage reality.And when the betrayal came, the deepest pain wasn't just about him or the betrayal. It was about knowing that I ignored my own signals.I felt it and I silenced it. That's the part that breaks you. Not just the betrayal, it's the self betrayal.And don't think that this only lives in romantic relationships. Image management shows up in all aspects of our life, in all relationships, friendships too. It looks like being that person who always shows up, even when you're exhausted, being the friend who listens continuously, even when no one's asking how you are.being the person who doesn't confront because you don't want it to be weird. I don't want to make things weird between us. I'm just not going to say anything. It looks like laughing at a comment that's stung. It looks like ignoring subtle disrespect.It can even look like shrinking your success so someone else doesn't feel insecure. Shrinking all of your accomplishments and successes, your home, when you bought your first home and your car, and when you shrink all of that so that you don't make other people feel insecure. It looks like over giving so you don't risk being left out.And then one day you realize you're surrounded by people who love that version of you that overextends, so much so that I'm in a complete back bend now. Not the version that has boundaries. People don't always like that version. And that realization was very sobering for me.Here's the truth though. When someone betrays you, it hurts, sure. But when you realize you betrayed yourself to keep them in your life, that's the grief. That's the identity crack. Those are the moments that you sit in your car in silence and you think, how many times have I done this? Because the deepest wound isn'twhat they did. It's knowing that you felt it coming and you chose the mask. That's the part that keeps you up at night. That's the part that changes everything. That's the trap with image management.And here's the reason I wanted to talk about it in today's episode is because this is what we don't talk about enough. The shame, right? Shame doesn't scream. It whispers. If they see the real you, they'll leave.So we become digestible, low maintenance, right? Palatable. We shrink until we're so easy to love. But here's what the research on shame resilience teaches us. The antidote to shame isn't perfection. It's authenticity. And authenticity can feel terrifying to someonewho learned very early that love was conditional. Because if love was earned, then being real feels risky.Image management is just our attempt to control an outcome. Ooh, let me say that again. Image management is our attempt to control the outcome.If I say it this way, if I don't react, if I stay calm, if I lead with this, if I don't need too much.But here's the brutal, brutal truth. You can control perception, you can, but you can't control behavior.You can perform perfectly standing ovation. And guess what? They'll still leave.You can be so agreeable that it is the antithesis of what you think, feel, and believe, but you just agree and they'll still betray you.You can be low maintenance, so low maintenance, and they still disappoint you. And what happens? Well, our shame just gets louder. It's loud. says, see, you weren't enough.It was about incongruence. You were disconnected from yourself and no relationship can thrive when you abandon the only person who has to live with you forever. You.There's a hidden cost here. There is a danger that I wanna talk about because this isn't just emotional, it's architectural. See, image management doesn't, it doesn't just protect you in the moment, it actually shapes your future.You attract people who are compatible with the performance. They're compatible with that version that you're putting out there. It's not even the real you. And you wake up in relationships that reward your mask. I just got chills.You build careers that reward your image, an image that you put out there. We surround ourselves with dynamics that feel familiar because they match the version of us that performs.And then one day you feel something subtle. This, like a quiet misalignment, right? You're standing there and sure, you're admired, you're doted on, you're clapped loudly for, but you're truly not known. They don't know the real you.You're valued, right? But you're not seen.And you can't quite explain why you feel so lonely in a full room.It's not fate. That's congruence.The nervous system will always recreate what feels familiar, even if familiar is performative.You can't build intimacy on performance. You can build admiration. Yeah, you can even build illusions and fantasy, but you can't build safety. And when the mask cracks, because the mask always cracks, it feels like identity death. Because if I'm not the good one,If I'm not the agreeable one, if I'm not the easy one, then who am I?I had to face that sobering truth of all of the years of my image management. I wasn't the married one anymore. I wasn't the one who had the big house and the cars and the lavish lifestyle. I didn't have any of that. I was stripped down to nothing. I wasn't the agreeable one anymore. I wasn't just looking away. I wasn't the easy one anymore. Who was I?When you find yourself there, you can oftentimes find yourself in the crisis, right? It's not always the breakup, the divorce, the betrayal. It's the identity unraveling. Because the role you've been playing your whole life no longer works.and underneath it, there's someone that you've barely met.I wanna share something that...I've been sharing with my day groups and we've just been having so much fun. We're studying ecology. But I wanna share where I can bring this here, bring this home with ecology, right? This is where the ecology comes in. ecology is the study of systems, right? We know this, okay? It's how environments shape behavior, not just forests and just oceans, but systems.And you and I, we're systems, okay? Your nervous system, your attachment style, your learned beliefs, your environment, right? All of that, they all interact. So when something keeps happening in your life, when the dynamic keeps repeating over and over and over.question isn't, what's wrong with me? The question is, what environment trained this response? Okay, think about it like this. If you see a lake contaminated, right? It's filled with algae and it's completely discolored and it's nothing that you wanna look at, it's disgusting. You don't scream at the water, you don't kick it.and throw rocks at it, you don't shame it for being murky. You examine the ecosystem.Was it overfed? Over-undernourished? Was it neglected? Was there runoff from somewhere else causing this contamination? Was the balance disrupted?LG is not the problem. It's a symptom.Image management is algae. It thrives in environments where love felt conditional, right? Where conflict felt dangerous.or, ouch, I'm gonna say it, authentic emotion was shamed.even where achievement equaled your worth. What are you doing? How are you performing? There's your worth.So of course you performed. Of course you adapted. Of course you became agreeable, impressive, and easy. Your system was trained that way. And when you understand ecology, the shame starts to soften. I say this time and time again, you can't carry shame for what you didn't know. I don't carry shame for what I didn't know.because now you see you weren't broken, you were adaptive. And to be quite honest here, adaptation is really intelligent. It keeps us alive, it keeps us safe. But here's the shift, here's what I want you to hear today. What kept you safe in one environment may keep you smaller in another.And if you don't consciously redesign your ecology, your nervous system will recreate the old one.That's not fate, that's wiring. And wiring can be rewired.That question, what environment trained me to perform? I want you to sit with that because that changes everything. Because now we're not blaming, we're understanding. And understanding gives you power.When I started to study this and really allow it to just be a whole part of my life, just take over, I started to heal in unimaginable ways. I started to forgive so much more easily and release and let go as I understood. I'm no longer blaming, I understand. And that understanding and that knowledge is what gives me the power. So I'm able to forgive.others. Yes, I do. But now, now we're coming to the end of the episode and now is where we rise, right? It's the reinvention part. Who are we without these masks that we wear, the adaptations that may have worked for us and for some of us they still do, right? But so we're just cautiously with big wide eyes openednavigating slowly into what masks work and what don't. So, reinvention is not becoming someone new, especially like that overnight. It's removing who you had to be, letting that old version go. Image management is not your identity. It's a strategy. It was a strategy and it's time to let that strategy retire.You're not the good girl. You are not the chill one, the easy going one that just takes whatever, accepts whatever. You're not that low maintenance one. Those were roles. You're not the unbothered one.Those are rules. And rules can be put down or tossed away.So let me ask you something that might shake you a little. If you weren't managing your image, who would you be? Not who would be safest or who would be easiest, not who would be admired, who would you be?Would you speak more directly? Would you speak from your heart and just let it riff?Would you ask for more?Would you leave sooner? Ooh. Would you cry instead of performing strength?Would you speak up and risk being misunderstood? Would you make lots of mistakes and learn from them?because that's where self-trust lives. Self-trust isn't loud, it's congruent. It's when your inside matches your outside. And when that alignment happens, you don't feel this electric moment, you just feel calm, you feel steady, you just know. You feel like you don't have to work so hard to be loved.That's the rise.I want to share something that started to really shift everything for me. I would say this is where all of the change happened for me. is where everything changed for me. And it wasn't overnight. And it wasn't this super dramatic moment. It happened internally.Pardon me. These were the mindset shifts that cracked my mask for the first time. I started to think and believe and know that belonging is not something I had to earn.that discomfort doesn't mean danger. I could speak up. I could say, don't talk to me like that. I could pack up and walk away.I could hang up the phone. I could block, delete, erase.If someone leaves, when I'm honest, they were attached to the image. And I've learned that peace is more valuable than being impressive to others. Self-trust is more important than being chosen.And if you're like me, if you're ready to break free from all the things that once kept you safe, I have air quotes, then this is where we start building something new.Okay, here's what I want you to do. I want you to sit up tall. Place your hand on your heart. And I want you to do this with me right now. Take a deep breath. And then just repeat after me slowly. I do not need to perform to be loved. My needs are not too much. I can survive being misunderstood.I am allowed to disappoint people. Lots of people. Today, I choose truth over image.And I want you to feel that.is not a revolution. This is not rebellion. That's alignment. That's the beginning of self-trust.We have to let go of image management, right? It's okay, it's safe. It doesn't have to be this loud thing. You don't have to start yelling and screaming at people, wandering around, stomping, yanking off your wig. You don't have to do any of that. It's subtle. It looks like just saying this, that hurt me. Don't ever do that again.without softening it. It looks like not explaining yourself past the point of clarity. It looks like not explaining your soul to someone who's so dead set on misunderstanding you.It looks like letting someone misunderstand you and surviving it.And it looks like allowing someone to leave because you refuse to perform anymore.It's terrifying, I know. It's also freedom. Because when someone loves you without the mask, you don't have to work so hard. And it feels good. Have you ever been surrounded with people like that? I know I have. I love it. You don't have to edit yourself. You don't have to shrink. It's where your nervous system just feels calm instead of activated. And that's what safety feels like. And I love beingin the company of those people.That's what congruence feels like. And once you taste that, you can't go back to performance. Ever.Again, this is not a, I'm not trying to start a coup. This is not a rebellion mission. It's not even about being confrontational. It's not about burning all the bridges down in your life and burning down your life. It's about self-trust. Self-trust is the ability to say that didn't feel right. Don't do that again. I need more of this, this and that.I need less of this, this, and that. That hurt me. And this is no longer in alignment.and to stay rooted, even when someone walks away.See, when you trust yourself, you don't need to manage your image. I've been able to cultivate that trust and that safety within myself.Because I know now that if someone leaves because I'm being honest, they were attached to the mask, not me.And I was never, ever put on this earth and meant to be loved for a mask.I wanna leave you with this. Image management kept me, safe is a good word, yes, safe. It kept me safe for a really long time. It also kept me unseen. It kept me protected, yeah.I was admired, probably applauded. See, you can be admired for who you pretend to be. Or loved for who you actually really are. But I'll tell you this, both rarely ever happen together. You have to choose. The cost of image management is exhaustion. The reward of authenticity is peace. And peace...is worth more than any standing ovation.And if this episode made something inside of you tingle today, if it made you uncomfortable in a really good way or sit up tall and listen, if you recognized yourself in this story or any part of my story, share it. Because I had no idea that there was a community of people like us out there who felt like I do, who felt like we do, who wondered.Is there more than this? There is. There is more than performing. There is more than surviving. There is more than being the good one, the one who looks away, the easy chill one.There's more. And this, my friends, is the unfolding podcast. I am your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. Thank you so much for joining me today. Until next time. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Episode 1 - Wait for what?Welcome to season 2 of the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. It's been a minute. Wow, a lot has happened. So last season was, if you've been with me this far, last season was pretty heavy. This one, not so much. It's lighter. But God, no one tells you how hard it is to love someone who really doesn't love themselves or can't love themselves. And at what cost it is to your soul to hang on. And so I had to get that story, season one, out of my body. So thank you. Thank you for being there. Thank you for your support. I had to get it out, but who knew with me getting it out that it would become a map for others. Yeah, I've been through hell and I didn't break. I unfolded.However, my healing era, my emo era, is officially over. And now, I'm even more hilarious than I ever have been. And much more wiser. I'm still studying psychology and just living my best life on my terms.Not because life got easy or easier, but because I got stronger. So no, I'm not entering rooms quietly anymore. I'm kicking the door open. Silk robe, stilettos with the fur, and an extra dirty martini in my hand. Of course it has to be afternoon, but I'm also not lingering by the door anymore, hopingsomeone figures me out. I know my value. If you see it, cool, amazing. If you catch up, great. If not, I'm still having a really good time and I'm already onto the next chapter.My big aha last year, my lesson, shall we say. It wasn't about fixing or healing toxic, poorly behaved men or women. My lesson was to heal whatever in me connected me to them. To understand why I tolerated what I tolerated. And once I stopped pointing the finger,stop trying to heal other people, I had an opportunity to sit with myself, sit with my patterns, my blind spots, and that's where the real work was. That's also where my upcoming book, Traumatized by a Narcissist, if so, you may be entitled to compensation, that's where the book takes a turn. Because when you tell the truth, really tell it. It doesn't always finish when you want it.And yes, the book is finished. But here's the thing. I didn't rush the truth. I let it finish speaking. And boy, did it have much more to say. The plot twist. It's so real. It's so legit that I had to pull the book from it was in the beginning stages of production and I had to rewrite a portion of the conclusion.That's how big it was. No one saw this ending coming, including me. So it's going to delay the launch just a little, but I promise it's worth it because I continue to learn. And what I'm learning is sometimes life just says, hey, you're not done yet. OK, moving along, let me share a few updates. Let's see what we have here.I've got a new attitude, for sure. A new puppy. I some new goals. A few new travel destinations planned later this spring. Next week, I turn another year older. Another trip around the sun. This turn feels lighter, like a skip in my step or a limp. And a cane. But for the first time in a long time, my heart feels open. It feels light.Not because I'm chasing anything, but because I finally, finally feel at home in myself.I got a new mic, can you hear? Don't I sound so much more high tech? Like I actually know what I'm doing now. But I want to shout out to my daughter, Taylor's boyfriend, Jesse. This is gonna be a mouthful. Okay, let me explain. Jesse and his best friend, Phoenix, who is also my other daughter, Sydney's best friend, and basically the son I never had.That was a total mouthful, I know. Anyway, the two of them came together and bought me a new mic for Christmas. And it was the one that I had been talking about for months. And so I really want to shout out and just say thank you because I know I sound so much better. I've been testing it out for the last couple of weeks. But this also means that I'm officially out of the closet. Literally. I used to record these episodes inside of my closet.because the acoustics were much better and I put these soundboards up and so anyway whatever here I am back up on my bull- wait gotcha back up on my soap box just running my mouth laughing more healed still heavily caffeinated passport stamped and emotionally fluent so I might even walk the plank and date again this year it actually feels really big to say out loud I was thinking that earlier but I just said it nowI've actually really loved the quiet of being single for all my single people. You know, you know that feeling, the way that you get to hear yourself think. I don't know. This is just a thought. I'm just thinking about it. I'm not sure I'm going to quite do it, but whatever. If I date again, let me tell you this. It won't be because I'm lonely and it definitely won't because won't be because I need a man. It'll be because it feels fun. It feels right.I've built a life I genuinely love. I take care of myself. I support myself financially. I feel emotional, emotionally stable and grounded and really clear about who I am and what I want. yeah, warning here, right? It's going to be a challenge. I get it. And if he's up for that, I might be interested. I'm not necessarily closed off. I'm just not chasing.He literally will, somebody will have to just knock at my front door. But in the meantime, I've been taking myself on dates. I love it. I take myself on trips. I buy myself flowers, compliment myself, walking past a mirror just saying, girl, you look good in that dress. If you've never tried that, you really need to. One of my biggest fears was being alone.Eating alone, being alone, sitting alone. And then I traveled solo. And let me tell you, you are alone a lot. But eventually, I started to love it. So, anyway, I'm back. Yep, season two. We're gonna do this again. This time, I'm here with darker hair. I'm a brunette again. Thicker skin, thicker thighs.better boundaries, new insights, a few new friends, new listeners. Thank you to everyone who has been sharing my podcast. And I just want to send a big heartfelt thank you. I'm in my yes era right now. I just got back from a whirlwind girls trip in Las Vegas. I'm still catching up on my sleep. But it reminded me how precious life is.Just say yes. Okay, here's how it went down. Cousin Monica called me Thursday night and says, pack your bag loser, we're going to Las Vegas tomorrow. I'm like, wait, what, what? I was already in my pajamas, laying in bed with my midnight snack stacked on my desk, on my computer with a big pile of everything that I needed to go through. And she says, new addition, boys to men, Tony Braxton. That's all she said. She said, your flight's already booked. See you in the morning. That, that right there, that is the energy I'm talking about. Obviously I said yes, I had to, right? She had me at new edition. Anyway, we had the absolute best time.We were laughing and dancing and just being ridiculous. I was basically serenading the band. I was singing away. I knew every word to every song. I even kind of rose from, I think it was what? Robbie, Bobby, Ricky or Mike. yeah, I went there. Okay. Here's the part that really mattered. Okay. I was surrounded by smart, funny.emotionally intelligent women. No tearing each other down, no competition, no jealousy, just women who lift each other up. See, good friends, they don't make you feel small. They don't drain you. They don't, certainly don't keep score. Good friends say, pack your bag, loser, your flight's booked. Life is happening, let's go. They remind you.who you are when you forget. They celebrate you when you're healing, not just when you're performing. That's what healthy friendship looks like. And honestly, that kind of love will change your life. So thank you, cousin Monica. When I started listing all of the zero reasons I couldn't get on the plane, I remembered something my mom said right before she passed.She looked at me and she said, wait for what? What are you waiting for? And I realized I had spent years waiting, waiting for the right moment, the right person, the right feelings, the right permission. Not because I didn't want more, but because I felt stuck. You ever felt that way? Stuck. A lot of us do.Life keeps moving, but inside you're just on pause. You feel paused. I spent a long time in survival mode.trying to keep my head above water. You know, I was going through the motions just like everyone, right? I was running on autopilot. And this year, well, actually it started last year, something really began shifting in me. And I just started saying yes, a lot. Yes to life. Yes to fun. Yes to adventure. Yes to conversations, good conversations, difficult conversations, easy conversations, just yes.to new experiences. Yes. Yes. Yes. And now I'm not just surviving, I'm living.When my mom said, wait for what? She wasn't rushing me. She was waking me up. She was asking me to stop waiting for something outside of myself and start listening to what was really inside me. It was one of those rare, beautiful moments. She was lucid for about 24 hours, right? The final surge of clarity.If anyone's experienced this, you know what I'm talking about. It's that heartbreaking, sacred moment, that window where you think they're back, they're healed. This was all a bad nightmare. Get your stuff on, get your clothes, pack your bags, we're going home.And then you realize this is their last lucid moment.And this is really goodbye.I'd asked her if she had any regrets in this lifetime. She didn't. None.What she wanted instead was to offer her heart, her heart to me, her last pieces of advice. These words, these things, these thoughts, these patterns, these sentiments that she, these words that I'll treasure forever.And one of them, sorry, I'm tearing up. And one of them was that simple question. I had no idea that I was going to that it was going to make me feel that or evoke that emotion in me. So I'm just riding with it. But I. One of that that simple question, wait for what? I've really, really tried to live my life on those terms. So if you see me doing weird stuff on the streets, look away, just look away.because I'm just saying yes these days. I was thinking about it. That's really going to be the heart of season two. Yeah, here's the truth. And I say this gently. No one is coming to save you. Not because you're alone, but because you were never meant to abandon yourself. Even in a loving, solid relationship, you still need to know yourself, your wants, your needs.your desires. And being okay alone isn't loneliness. It's self-trust.Psychologically, when we avoid being alone, we miss ourselves. We stay busy, we distract, we numb, and we wonder why we feel disconnected.But when you stop avoiding the quiet, when you stop running from the uncomfortable and you walk straight into the fire instead of around it, you come out clearer.stronger, more you. Because your body has been talking to you the whole time. Your intuition, your heart. When you finally listen, everything changes. You stop second guessing. You stop outsourcing your worth. You stop missing out on your own life. And that's where heart coherence lives.When your heart and your nervous system feel safe enough to be honest. When you're not bracing.present, peaceful, and calm. That's what I'm practicing now. And that's what I hope to expand and integrate more into the season as it unfolds.So I'm recording this episode in the month of February, the month of Valentine's, Galentine's Day, shall I say. But it's also Heart Awareness Month, did you know that? It's a good reminder to take care of your physical heart. Go get it checked out if you haven't in a while. And just be mindful of what you're doing and what you're eating and any stressors that are taking place. Go get that checked out.And while you're at it, check in with your emotional one too, your emotional heart. Heart coherence, it's really about bringing those two into the same conversation. So I wanna ask you something. How is your heart?When I asked myself that recently, the answer surprised me. It wasn't broken. It wasn't guarded either. There's a term for what I've been learning to practice, right? It's called heart coherence. It's when your heart and your breath and your nervous system start working together instead of pulling you in multiple different directions. You're not reacting anymore. You're notconstantly holding on to the edges and just bracing. You're responding. It doesn't mean that your life is perfect. It means that you are present enough to meet it. When you live this way, you begin to trust your timing. You trust yourself. You trust your decisions. You don't rush yourself out of discomfort or talk yourself out of truth.You sit with it. I often say this. say, it's okay to sit in your pain. It's okay to sit in a shitty diaper. You're not going to die. Listen, it's gonna hurt like hell and you'll probably get diaper rash, but you will survive it. I promise you don't have to fix it right away. You, you can just sit there, feel the pain, the ache, the open sores.Use that opportunity to seek to understand the lesson that you were meant to learn. That's really what I've been learning. And I'm so excited to, like I said, allow that to unfold throughout the season. So also in this season, we're going to go deeper into the things you said you wanted more of. I'm so excited. I've got guest speakers lined up, women who've walked the fire too.scarred, bruised, bloodied, but alive. They too lived to tell a story. We're talking about everything from starting new businesses, the trials and tribulations of that, solo traveling, obviously divorce and loss, different health diagnosis, living with autoimmune disease, surviving cancer, surviving childhood trauma.the reinvention at any age. We'll just keep nerding out on psychology stuff, but as always, we'll always have real conversations, real insight, no pretending. So if you have a really thin skin, you're probably not going to like this podcast and that's okay. If there's one thing that I want to leave you with today, it's this. You don't need to rush yourself.You don't need to have everything figured out. You just need to stop abandoning yourself.When you listen, really listen to yourself, to your body, to your intuition, to your heart.You start trusting your timing. When you do this, you stop forcing what isn't ready. You stop chasing what isn't aligned anymore. That's what self-trust feels like. It's quiet. It's steady. It's grounded. And that's where heart coherence begins. So, if you've been waiting, waiting for permission,waiting for someone else to choose you. Here's your reminder. You're allowed to choose yourself. You're allowed to live out loud. You're allowed to navigate new waters and make mistakes, lots of them.you're also allowed to get back up and keep going.You're not behind. You're not broken. You're unfolding.So the season isn't about fixing yourself. It's about listening to yourself.So if you're not broken, not behind, just becoming, you're in the right place.I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. I'm really glad you found me and really glad you found this podcast. Until next week. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

KeywordsUnfolding Podcast, friendship breakups, toxic relationships, compound grief, dating advice, personal growth, emotional intelligence, healing journey, self-discovery, empowermentSummaryIn this season finale of the Unfolding Podcast, host Yvonne Wink reflects on her journey through personal growth, healing, and the lessons learned from relationships. Joined by her brother Alex and cousin Monica, they discuss topics such as handling friendship breakups, moving on from toxic relationships, and the importance of self-discovery. Yvonne shares insights on compound grief, the writing process for her upcoming book, and the significance of emotional intelligence in relationships. The conversation emphasizes the power of vulnerability and the importance of choosing oneself in the journey of healing.TakeawaysI don't regret anyone who's come into my life.People enter our lives to teach us lessons.Walking away doesn't mean hatred; it means clarity.Healing doesn't run on a calendar; it's a journey.You can love people and still choose distance.Choosing peace doesn't mean you failed at love.You have to keep moving on every day.It's never too late to learn something different.Vulnerability is my flex; it's powerful.You can change your life one honest moment at a time.TitlesUnfolding the Journey of HealingNavigating Friendship BreakupsSound bites"I don't regret anyone.""It's a nervous system reset.""Vulnerability is my flex."Chapters00:00 Introduction to the Unfolding Podcast02:08 Season Finale and Special Guests03:36 Handling Friendship Breakups07:48 Moving On from Toxic Relationships09:22 The Journey of Writing a Book10:51 Understanding Compound Grief14:10 Finding Strength to Leave a Long-Term Relationship22:11 When to Start Dating Again28:04 The 30, 60, or 90 Day Detox31:16 Kids' Perspectives on the Podcast and Book33:50 Current Dating Life and Funny Stories41:14 Surprises and Changes from the Podcast45:53 Final Thoughts and Future Plans Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. Before we really get into today's episode, I want to pause for just a moment and actually get your attention.Because sometimes even when we're listening, we're still on autopilot. You know that feeling when you arrive somewhere and think, how did I even get here? Or hours pass and you realize you've been sitting in the same spot, scrolling, thinking, surviving. So wherever you are right now, driving,walking, folding laundry, half listening while your mind is somewhere else. I want you to hear this. You made it here. To the end of this season, to the end of December, to the end of this year, to the end of the chapter that asked more of you than you ever expected.You didn't just survive it. You changed inside it. So thank you. Truly. Thank you for listening, for staying, for being willing to look at yourself honestly. Thank you for holding space for my story and for letting me unfold out loud without judgment. Well, mostly without judgment.I see you. I see some of the comments. But thank you for choosing clarity over numbing. So encouraging. Thank you for choosing truth over pretending and presence over disappearing. Even when disappearing might have felt easier.As the season comes to a close, I found myself reflecting. I do this a lot because standing at the edge of a new year has a way of doing that. And recently I caught myself asking a question that I couldn't shake. I was asking myself, am I walking into this new year into 2026 awake? Or am I about to slip into autopilot and just hopeSomething magically happens.And when I answered that honestly for myself, it shifted how I saw everything that came next.And I realized that question isn't just mine. So I want to gently turn it toward you, not as pressure, not as a challenge, just as an invitation.as 2026 comes into view. A new year, a new chapter.You might ask yourself this, how do I want to meet this year?more present, more intentional, more awake to my own life.or maybe exactly where I am without forcing anything.There's no pressure in this question, promise you. There's no right or wrong answer. Just curiosity and awareness.And that's where real change begins. That's what this finale is about. It's a two-part finale. But it's about not fixing ourselves, not reinventing your entire life overnight, but waking up just enough to choose your next chapter with intention. BecauseHere's the sitch 2026 is coming, whether we're ready or not. And here's the thing people don't realize. Most people don't start a new year. I know January 1st is coming in blah, blah, blah. know that, but they don't start a new year. They repeat the last one.Just sometimes it's with a new sparkly planner, new to-do lists and checklists and New Year's Eve resolutions and a recycled storyline. And listen, that's not judgment. That's human nature.thing is, autopilot, it's comfortable because, well, it's familiar. See, it lets you survive without having to really, really see yourself, without having to examine yourself.But if you're here, if you've been with me through the door, ⁓ the summit, we've climbed the summit through the grief, the celebration and the unfolding. You didn't do all that work just to go back to default mode. I know that.Not after everything you've learned. Not after everything you've survived. Not after everything you're capableEarly last year, before the book, before Bali, before the travel, before this podcast, I had a moment. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back, it was the moment I would say that I woke up.I was still orbiting him, still trying to decode the chaos. I was still trying to love someone who didn't know how to choose me. Honestly, who didn't know how to choose himself.And here's the part that I can laugh at now because, well, healing gives you perspective.Brace yourself. I thought he was the problem.What I couldn't see yet was that I was living on autopilot, completely out of alignment with my core values, with who I said I was, who I was growing into.I want to slow this down for just a second here because this language really matters. So tune in. See when your life is congruent, your actions match your values. So what you say you want, how you show up and how your body feels begin to align.There's less inner tension, not because life is easy and everything's coming at you and it's just all so, so nice and easy wrapped up with a cute bow. No, but because you're no longer arguing with yourself or living against your truth. That's congruent. When your life is incongruent, your actions and your truth are at odds. So there's a big fight happening.You're saying one thing, but you're living another. And your body feels that disconnect before your mind can actually explain it away. It shows up as tension, fatigue, anxiety, or that quiet sense that something just isn't right.That was me. See, I value, value with my whole heart, mind, body, and soul. I value peace. But there was none.I value honesty and integrity. That's really important to me.But I kept accepting half-truths and full lies.I value respect and loyalty. And I kept allowing behavior that did not honor that. That's incongruence.And here's what I want to normalize. See autopilot shows up in every one. So look in the mirror. You got it. Yep. We all do. It's not a character flaw. It's a nervous system response. And for me, autopilot was amplified by heartbreak and grief, specifically compound grief. I explained this several episodes ago, so I won't go into it too deeply here, butI'll just cover it loosely here. So compound grief is when loss piles on top of loss. When your soul doesn't have time to recover or repair from one devastation, one heartbreak before the next one hits. When your system doesn't get a break in between the chaos. In that kind of grief, your mind, body,and spirit doesn't shut down because you're weak. You don't numb out because you're weak and you're not motivated. It shuts down because you're trying to survive something. So compound grief hijacks the amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for fear and survival. And it throws your entire system into protective mode.You numb out. It pulls you inward. It tells you, stop. This is too much, too fast. Do nothing.So your system isn't asking, hey, is this aligned? Does this relationship feel safe? Is this the career I want? Is this the friendship or the friendship group? Is this good for my soul?It's asking, how do I get through today only without falling apart?And when you're living in that place, you're not making empowered choices. You're making familiar ones. That's why I was able to stay so long, tolerate so much. Maybe that's why you're able to stuff your pain and just keep moving forward.Because when you're already grieving deeply, any type of grief, any additional loss reopens every wound that's been brewing below the surface.Familiar felt safer than unknown, even when familiar hurt.So I repeated patterns. chose familiar pain. I ignored the truth. Because sometimes chaos feels more familiar than stability.And I want to be very clear here. This isn't weakness. This is what survival looks like when someone is carrying more than one person should ever have to carry at once.I didn't give up. I was doing exactly what my body needed to do to survive.And if you're listening to this thinking, that sounds just like me. want you to hear this gently. Your system wasn't failing you. was protecting you and life, God, spirit, the angels, whatever language you use, it taps you. just taps you on the shoulder. Tap, tap, tap. This isn't it. For me, it was.Tap, tap, tap. You know better. Tap, tap, tap. Yvonne, you're meant for so much more. You deserve so much more. Tap, tap. Wake up.And the loudest tap, my own heart breaking.Sometimes heartbreak isn't punishment. It's the alarm clock. And instead of hitting snooze like I had been for years, I woke up.not necessarily healed, not enlightened, just awake, awake enough to realize something wasn't making sense anymore.Here's the thing about incongruence. You usually don't feel it until you're no longer in pure survival mode. Eventually living out of alignment stops making sense. Not because you suddenly become stronger or braver, but because your body and nervous system won't let you keep pretending anymore. There comes a point whensomething inside you says. This no longer matches who I am.And once that realization lands, not intellectually, but, but in your body, it becomes very hard to go back to what was. So I want you to think about it like this. Okay. It's like a bodybuilder just days away from competition, right? They've built their entire life around training, discipline, sleep.Rest, nourishment, focus. And now imagine them suddenly just saying, you know what? I'm just going go out and party all night. I'm just going to eat garbage and I'm just going to sabotage everything. It wouldn't make sense, right? Not because they're judging themselves or being hard on themselves.because their identity has already shifted. Their choices have to match who they've become.That's what started happening to me. The life I was living no longer matched the woman I was becoming. And my body felt it before my brain caught up.And this, this didn't just show up in one relationship. It showed up everywhere. I was staying past the expiration date. Have you ever stayed past the expiration date in, in friendships and dating? did. Even in my marriage. See, there came a point where both of us knew.quietly and honestly that something had ended. Not dramatically, not hatefully, just truthfully. But instead of letting it end with grace, we held on. We had the death grip hold out of obligation, out of history, out of fear of change.out of familiarity.And when you stay too long in something that's already over, it doesn't soften. It hardens.patterns I had been minimizing became undeniable.And in that moment, I stopped negotiating with myself. See, because I asked for accountability. I asked for effort. I asked for growth. I asked for change and transparency, meaning, grow with me, do the work, meet me here, be honest. Basically, I said, shape up or ship out.And he chose the path that required the least discomfort, the least accountability, the least change. He chose easy.And here's the part I want to say without blame or bitterness.I was trying to grow and he was trying to stay the same.That doesn't make either of us bad. It just means we were no longer aligned.Eventually, clarity didn't come as a feeling. It came through reality.When I look back, honestly, the places that hurt the most, they weren't random. They were places where I felt misaligned very early on and I chose to override it. My boss, my, I would say that my, my body started to whisper it first, right? This doesn't feel safe. This isn't aligned.But I explained it away. I gave the benefit of the doubt. I stayed curious when I probably should have been more cautious.And if you ever find yourself asking, why do I keep getting hurt in the same way? This is a gentle place to look, not with blame, but with curiosity.Where am I ignoring my own knowing?because every significant pain in my life came from a person my system warned me about early on. You know what I'm saying?Not loudly, not dramatically, actually very quietly. And the hurt, it didn't come from not knowing. It came from not trusting what I already knew. Because staying incongruent costs you your aliveness. It costs your health, your peace, your dreams, sometimes your money.Think of all the therapy you've had to go to. And let's be honest, it causes a few wrinkles that have nothing to do with aging and everything to do with tolerating what you shouldn't have. Some things and some people just were so not worth it. They weren't worth the wrinkles. See, because it's okay to walk away from misalignment, from disrespect, from places.where you have to beg for basics. What's not okay is staying in a loveless relationship, friendship, or situationship out of obligation or familiarity. Just because you don't want to rock the Especially when the boat has been leaking for years. I said what I said.I've had to walk away from a lot these last few years, but each time it became my awakening. And once you wake up, once you feel the difference between surviving and living, you can't unknow it.That awakening is what made me start questioning everything. Not just relationships, but the way we try to change our lives. It's what pulled me deeper into studying change itself. How it actually happens and why so many people stay stuck.Because once I woke up to how incongruent I'd been living, I started asking a bigger question.Why do so many people want change, but keep repeating the same patterns year after year? The same relationships, the same coping, the same cycles, sometimes for generations.Make it make sense, right? I know. I thought the same thing. Why do we set intentions, make promises, swear this time, this time will be different and then quietly slide back into the familiar.That's where my work as a coach met my real life. I've been teaching goal setting, ⁓ success coaching and identity work for years, long before this podcast, long before this season, long before my life cracked open the way it did.And at the same time, I was learning it from the inside out, not from a perfect place, but from a real one. You're getting the real deal here. ⁓ Here's what I know for sure. Now, both professionally and personally, most people don't fail at change because they lack discipline. They fail because they're trying to build a new life from an old identity.That's where resolutions come in, right? The resolutions usually come from pressure, from panic. I'm talking about New Year's resolutions. ⁓ It usually comes from pressure, from comparison, from the panic, from the quiet voice that says, I should be further by now. My God, I teach this. Why isn't my life perfect? So we make promises fueled by fear.I need to fix myself. I need to do more. I need to be different, better. I need to do extreme.Fear based goals don't last. promise you. know. Because I've set them many times, many years in a row. And I've watched hundreds of people, thousands of people do the same.When I set goals from fear, they never stuck because fear is about avoiding pain, not moving toward truth. Fear based goals come from, can't stay here energy, right? this is not, ⁓ this is who I'm becoming. It creates this urgency. I'm like totally shooken up right now. My hands are in this. Okay. But it's just this urgency.not sustainability. When I set goals from shame, they burned me out because shame says I'm not enough yet. So every single goal becomes about self punishment, right? You push harder, you demand more, ignore your limits until your nervous system waves the white flag taps out. That kind of change never lasts because it's builton self-rejection.When I set goals from comparison, I abandon them. Because why? Comparison is the thief of joy and clarity. The moment your goals are shaped by someone else's timeline, someone else's body, some other couple's relationship, or their success, they stop belonging to you. And it's hard to stay committed to a life you don't actually want.You're just trying to prove something.But when I started setting goals from congruence, from clarity about who I actually was, getting crystal clear on who I was, who I was becoming, how I wanted to feel, what I really wanted, that's when everything changed.That's the difference between resolutions and goals with Goals with soul aren't about punishment. They're about alignment.They come from knowing, you know, this no longer fits. And this is what I value now. This is the version of me I'm choosing to live from.And when your goals come from that place, from your soul, they don't feel forced. They feel inevitable.Here's the part people don't always love at first, and then they secretly love the most. Healing is often boring.It's not flashy. It's not dramatic. It's not a montage. It's just consistent. Real change rarely comes from grand gestures. Like don't love bomb yourself, babes. It usually comes from small, almost unremarkable shifts. The kind that don't look impressive to everyone, but quietly change everything. Things likeLeaving a situation that hurts. Leaving a little earlier. Saying no. Sooner. Or just saying no period. No explanation.Maybe it looks like drinking water, more water. Journaling one honest sentence instead of this beautifully perfectly crafted page.telling one truth and just letting it stand. Catching negative self-talk and choosing a truer thought instead.How about pausing before reacting? My favorite, treating yourself the way you treat someone you love. Would you talk to someone you love the way you talk to yourself? Think about that.These moments don't look like transformation, big, loud transformation. They are transformation because every small congruent choice builds trust with yourself and trust is what creates real lasting change. That's it. Boring healing is peaceful healing and peaceful healing is sustainable. promise you those tiny shifts.build trust with yourself. It's creating that real change because every time you follow through on one small tiny little shift, your nervous system learns, ⁓ all right, we're safe with ourselves now. I don't have to save her. We don't have to jump into survival mode again. That's how identity changes. Micro shifts. They're not just habits.They're these tiny little identity votes. I'm lifting my hand right now. Each one is saying, this is who I am now.Not because you forced it, because it fits. And this is why the tiny shifts matter. Not because they look impressive, not because they're changing everything instantly or overnight, but because they wake you up. Each small congruent choice interrupts autopilot. Each small honest moment brings you back to your body.Each time you choose alignment over habit, you feel a little more alive.That's how change actually happens.That brings me to what this entire season has really been about.This whole season has been about unfolding, not rushing, not forcing, not performing healing, just slowly, honestly becoming more awake in your own life. My intention was never to lead you somewhere. It was to walk alongside you. And I trust that whatever landed for you is exactly what you needed to hear this season.The medicine in all of this is awareness. Because once you see where you're incongruent, once you notice where you've been settling, surviving, or overriding yourself, you don't need shame. You don't need fixing. You just start choosing differently.Awareness is what gently, slowly turns autopilot off.So before we close, I wanna pause together just for a moment and just take a breath. If it feels okay, maybe place one hand on your heart. Just take a slow breath in through your nose and even a slower breath out. No analyzing, no overthinking.noticing.I want you to ask yourself, quietly and honestly, where in my life do I feel most awake right now? And where do I notice myself slipping back into autopilot? There's no right answer here. It's just information.Sometimes the most powerful shifts are the quiet ones. The pause before you say yes. The moment you tell the truth. The choice to rest instead of push. The decision to honor what your body already knows.Here's a suggested journal prompt. Where in my life am I living in alignment? And where am I settling out of habit or fear?What is one small congruent choice I can make this week?Unfolding isn't about becoming someone else. It's about returning to yourself awake, aligned and honest. That's where the real change begins. Before we end, I want to leave you with this simple mantra today. Something that you can come back to when things feel noisy. Hand on your heart. Repeat after me. I choose alignment over autopilot.Let that be enough.Thank you, truly, truly, for walking this season with me, for sitting with the grief, for celebrating the growth, for choosing awareness over autopilot.This is your unfolding and I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wing. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

KeywordsSelf-discovery, vulnerability, personal growth, celebration, overcoming fear, relationships, storytelling, joy, upper limit response, community supportSummaryIn this episode of the Unfolding Podcast, host Yvonne Wink shares her journey of self-discovery, vulnerability, and personal growth. She discusses the importance of embracing fear, celebrating successes, and navigating relationships during times of change. Yvonne emphasizes the power of storytelling and community support, while also addressing the challenges of upper limit responses that can arise when life gets better. The episode concludes with a focus on self-celebration and the significance of integrating personal growth into daily life.TakeawaysEmbracing vulnerability is essential for personal growth.Self-discovery often involves overcoming fear and people-pleasing tendencies.Sharing personal stories can create connections and support within a community.Celebration of success is often met with mixed reactions from others.Understanding upper limit responses can help navigate personal growth.Self-celebration is a crucial part of acknowledging progress.The journey of growth can change relationships and social dynamics.It's important to surround yourself with those who support your joy.Personal growth invites new opportunities and connections.You are not behind; you are in the process of becoming.TitlesUnfolding Through VulnerabilityThe Journey of Self-DiscoverySound bites"Your joy invites others to rise with you.""Celebration wasn't frivolous. It was data.""You don't lose people when you grow."Chapters00:00 Introduction and Gratitude03:09 Embracing Vulnerability and Self-Discovery05:47 The Journey of Overcoming Fear08:54 The Power of Sharing Stories12:03 Navigating Relationships During Growth14:49 Celebrating Success and Joy17:57 Understanding Upper Limit Responses21:02 The Importance of Self-Celebration23:52 Integration and Reflection26:57 Q&A and Community Engagement Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever looked back at a relationship and thought, wow, the signs were signing. And the red flags? Yeah, they were flagging. They weren't subtle. They were practically doing choreography in my face. But have you ever been so committed to potential that you started romanticizing red flags?Yeah, me too. Let's be honest, I didn't miss the signs. I rebranded them.He's inconsistent? No, no. I called that mysterious. Emotionally unavailable? Well, obviously, guys. He's just so deep, right? He just needs that time. Yes, I talk like that. Hasn't texted in three days? he's protecting his peace. Leave him be. He's processing. Bare minimum?Please. He's just like grounded and intentional.Yeah, the red flags were flagging and I was out there, jeuling them, bedazzling them. But let's be honest, I didn't ignore them. I rationalized them. You see, my brain said, this feels unsafe. My heart said, but he's healing. And my therapist said, girl, please.Welcome back to the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. And today we're talking about the red flags we decorate, the lessons that we collect along the way, and how sometimes what we call love is just our unhealed parts trying to feel useful. This isn't about regret. It's about reflection and maybe a little redemption.So grab your tea, maybe a glass of wine, your journal, or whatever's left of your intuition, and let's unfold this together.So if you've been unfolding with me since the door episode, that was a good one. First of all, congratulations. You survived your own version of that story. Second, buckle up friend, because today we're not reopening the door. We're just walking by it. We're kind of shaking our heads and saying, girl, I saw the signs.This episode is called, I named it the red flags. I decorated it. I named it for a very good reason. And you're going to learn throughout this episode and other lessons from the door because I didn't want it to just stop there. And let me tell you, I didn't just ignore the red flags. I adjusted the lighting until they started to look like pinkish.So picture it. Okay. I'm halfway through my year long sabbatical, walking through exotic islands, barefoot, bikini on, sun kissed, journal in my hand. Maybe even like a little cocktail in that cute little pineapple. Somewhere between enlightenment and emotional awakeness.And that's when he decided I had finally changed enough for him.Yeah, yeah, strap, strap in, strap in. He liked what he saw. Me. Healed. Happy. Brighter. Better without him. He saw a woman who was evolving and thought, yes, she could add value to my life now. And suddenly I was worthy.He said he wanted to move in a forward direction with me. Like literally, those were his words. Move in that forward direction with me. Like, sir, calm down. This isn't a GPS reroute. This is my life.He told me he couldn't live without me, that he wanted to spend his life with me. But somehow he kept me just confused enough that when I eventually walked in on him with another woman, he could say, okay, well, technically I'm not cheating on you because we're not together.And the monologue that came before that moment, Chef's Kiss.I have been in therapy for years. I have been working with therapists and healers, everyone that you sent me to. I've even had the devil delivered out of me. Also, I'm not an alcoholic. I'm just not going to stop drinking because you're asking me to do it.And he said,I love you. Just stop leaving the country. And then I'll do forever with you. Followed by the unspoken fine print. Also, I need a lot of space, tons. So I'll contact you whenever I feel like it.Okay, he didn't actually say that part, but those were the facts. And me? I thought, wow, this is character development. This man is healed. He can walk.Spoiler, he was not.Because here's the thing about words. They're free. Change costs something.But me, being the believer in potential that I am, the eternal optimist licensed in maybe he's different now, I actually started to work my way home a day early. And I walked straight in on him with another woman.Now, I'd love to say that I lost it, right? was flipping tables and screaming and maybe something just more dramatic. mean, also I was bruised and battered from being hit by a car. So my outside body was bruised and battered and shattered. And also my heart was.So I didn't, I wasn't dramatic and I wasn't crazy at the door. I handled it with grace. Too much grace, honestly.At that time I was still convinced that I was the problem.That's what I mean when I talk about the hook. Right? If you heard the last episode, you know, I talk about the hook that it, the hook is that invisible pull inside of you that keeps you turning back toward what's hurting you. I want you to envision a fish in the lake and someone throws the line out and it catches that fish and it's a hook, right? And then someone's reeling it back in and that fish turns back toward what's reeling it in. towards danger because it's pulling it in.So it's that, it's that trauma born hope that maybe this time they'll see you. They'll choose you. They'll love you the way you love them. The way you envisioned that life with them.But here's the truth. The hook doesn't lead you to healing. It keeps you orbiting the very thing pulling you in towards what's destroying you.And once I realized that, something in me snapped. But in the best possible way.And so I do what I do best. I turned it around. I booked another flight, got back on my pilgrimage and I continued my year of healing and apparently content creation. Because I just kind of figured, hey, when life hands you betrayal, you can either cry about it or you can start a brand.Because I spent most of this year writing my little baby book that I'm so excited about, Traumatized by a Narcissist. If so, you may be entitled to compensation. And I even started this podcast. I wanted to help other women break free from, into, but I wanted to help people, women break free from this exact kind of chaos and madness. I just figured when life hands you betrayal, girl, monetize it.Oh, what was I talking about again? Gosh, I see I lose my train of thought here. Um, okay. I was talking about the hook, but okay. I'm going to move on because I wanted to talk about the red flags. That's what I talking about. The red flags that I ignored. So looking back, the signs were there. They, they were like big red circus flags actually, but I was calling it chemistry.He'd vanish for days and I would just say he needs time to think. He would yell and lose it when something didn't go his way. And I just kind of... He's just expressive.Gaslight and twist things. Blame shift. And I said, we just speak different languages, different love languages.Yeah, I was out here marketing red flags like it was my side hustle. And y'all know that I love a good side hustle. So I mean, look, I'm looking back and I'm realizing, I wasn't dating a man. was, I was sort of managing a brand.Because when you're trauma-bonded, those red flags slowly start to look like rose petals. You tell yourself, he's not mean or cruel or moody. He's deep. He's not distant. He's busy.No, ma'am, he's dysregulated. Okay. I'm here to break it to you. Here's something I learned the hard way. Okay. When someone shows you they'd rather lose you than confront their actions. That's not love in any form. That's emotional cowardice wrapped in, in charm and projection. And it applies everywhere, friendships and in families, work and love.Because anywhere you're shrinking, just to keep the peace, you're losing yourself to keep a connection. And people who, who can't face their own behavior will always try to rewrite your reality. attention because for them it's self-protection. They blame shift, they disappear, and then get mad when you don't come begging. It's like, “wait, you ghosted me and now you're mad that I didn't text?” Sir, what in the psychological gymnastic hell are you talking about?But here's the truth. Your power lies in staying anchored in your reality, even when there's a spinning. Because when you become more focused on not losing someone, you start losing yourself. I know it happened to me.And that's the heartbreak no one talks about. The one that shows up everywhere. It shows up in families when you play small to keep the peace. In friendships, when you silence your truth so that you stay included. In love, when you bend until you break just to feel chosen.It's the slowest kind of disappearing. The kind where you start to fade from your own story. But that's also where your unfolding begins. The moment you decide you're done abandoning yourself.And once you've lived through that kind of heartbreak, you start to notice how often people try to rush you out of it. So listen here, mostly because they're uncomfortable sitting in their own, right? You start realizing just how many people have no idea how to hold space for pain, theirs or anyone else's. So this brings me to my quick public service announcement.Hang tight and listen because you're going to thank me later. Okay. Let's have a little fun here. So I have a list. I have my official top five things not to say to someone who's grieving. Someone who's brokenhearted, someone who's been ghosted, someone who's just in pain, right? Or confused, betrayed, or really like laying in a fetal position. Okay. This is my top five things not to say to these people. Because when I was in the thick of that heartbreak, the things people said to me, bless their little hearts, were wild. Right? It was like five years of torture from losing my mom to my marriage ending to getting in a really terrible relationship. You know, just I don't think that people were able to process what I was going through. And so what they would do is try to give me a Ted talk, right? Here's, here are the top five. Five, you're better off without that Well, true. It's like, okay, Susan, thank you. I'll add that to my gratitude journal, breathing and remembering how to function. Right? I know that I know I'm better off without him. Everything happens for a reason.Yeah, apparently the reason was so that I could learn every lesson the hard way. Well, and then start a podcast about it, guess. The third one. He's going to regret this one day. Yeah, maybe. But by the time he does, I'll be in Bali with some long haired man who meditates and moisturizes and we'll be braiding one another's hair. Like, stop. I need support now.Two. Just move on. perfect. Okay. Let me press skip to healed on my trauma playlist. Where is that? Stop guys. And my number one, you deserve better. Yes. And that's exactly why I'm crying on the floor in a fetal position, sucking my thumb because I gave everything I had. I gave better. Yes. I deserve better. I gave better, and it still wasn't enough.Friends, listen here. If you take anything away from this episode, take this. Can we please normalize not rushing people through their healing, not rushing people through their pain? We've all done it. I have. We've all said one or more of those well-meaning but slightly cringe lines. Everything happens for a reason. You're better off. Just move on. God needed another angel.And it's okay. We said them because we care. We said them because we didn't know what else to say.But here's the truth. You don't need to fix someone's heartbreak. You don't even need to understand it. You don't even need to understand their pain. And you certainly don't need to be giving spiritual Ted talks. You just need to witness it with them. Sit with them in the mess. Let them cry. Bring them snacks. Remind them. Bring them wine. Remind them.They're still lovable, even when they're falling apart and shattered. That's it. That's what healing looks like. Presence, not necessarily pep talks.That's healing.I remember a few days after the door, my daughter said, come lay with me and not say what I know she really wanted to say. Cause those that know her know she's pretty vocal and she would just remind me of my heart, of my vastness and my container. She would remind me of my love and my worth. Remind me what lifeis going to feel like when that cloud passes and she'd say, mom, won't always feel like this. She made sure I ate, I showered and I kept busy.She would say, you've done this for me and my sisters and so many others. So of course I'm here for you. She didn't shame me, didn't lecture and didn't prepare a recovery plan for me either. I swear that girl's an angel and she's going to be a great therapist one day.Here's the thing, when we rush people to get over it, what we are really saying is your pain is making me uncomfortable. But heartbreak isn't contagious. Pain isn't contagious. Right? Watching someone collapse and shatter and just unfold and just be in that kind of pain and confusion. It's not contagious. It's human.And sometimes the most powerful thing that you can do is just stay. No advice, no cliches, no plan. Right? Get out of here plan. No, just presence. Remember healing doesn't happen in a hurry. It happens in those quiet, honest moments when someone feels safe enough to be seen in their sadness.That's love. When someone's heart is breaking, we already feel foolish, betrayed, naive, even played. And last thing we need is a reminder, right? We need compassion because love, it's not found in rushing us to feel better. It's found in letting yourself feel everything. And there's a time and a place to pull up.Because listen, after my recovery and comeback, I was finally able to sit through the Ted Talks with my girlfriends and my family and the girls. I sat with my with those people, my trusted people, and we dissected every piece of it. We laughed and we cried. And this time I could actually hear the advice because I was ready to rebuild.I couldn't listen to the trash talk and believe them back then, right? But I could now. You know, I could hear when they said, you dodged a bullet, girl. I could hear, I could feel it. Yeah, you're right. I did. I wasn't defending him anymore. I was done romanticizing what broke me.And I certainly wasn't carrying the shame for what I didn't know. was facing everything I'd ignored and I was ready to grow from it. And that's when you know, you've healed when you can tell the story without getting emotional and even be able to laugh while you're doing it. Like I do in this podcast. It's because that laughter, that's the sound of reclaiming your power. It's the moment that pain turns into wisdom and wisdom turns into your purpose.You learn these tiny little lessons while you're processing. It was through the processing that I realized what really shook me wasn't the betrayal. It was how fast he moved on. And I'd experienced this right before him. First in my marriage, then again in this relationship. You go from hearing, I love you in one breath to seeing them with someone new the next.It’s jarring. It's like emotional whiplash.How do you tell someone you love them and also, or doing it while you're laying next to another woman? How do you promise forever on a Tuesday and by Friday, act like you never knew me?And for a long time that haunted me. I replayed it over and over in my mind. The what ifs, the maybe if I had justs, you know, the where did I go wrongs? I dissected every text, every silence, every moment I should have walked away, but didn't. Because betrayal doesn't just break your heart. It breaks your entire sense of reality.You start doubting everything. Your worth, your intuition, even your memory. And the scariest part isn't even losing them. It's realizing you lost yourself trying to keep them.Because the truth? I know I should have left years before he broke my heart. Because he'd been breaking it piece by piece long before I ever caught him.We all have these loops that play in our heads, right? They're old patterns, old beliefs that keep us stuck. And they whisper to us, you'll never find another love like this, but you'll never find another career or a job like this. You'll never feel safety again like this or find another friend group like this. You'll never find another crew like this, right? Those voices aren't truth though they're fear.And fear keeps you settling. Intuition and that trust and the belief in yourself, that asks you to rise. So trust your gut. Demand what's best for you, not what's familiar to you.The more I healed, the more I saw it. The same patterns. I kept seeing them repeating themselves in different places and wearing different faces.When I finally understood something that I had heard years ago from a professor. How you do anything is how you do everything. And at first that bothered me. was like, I don't know, 15 or 20 years ago I heard that and it bothered me. I couldn't conceptualize it back then. My mind wasn't able to hold it and it hit me.How you do one thing is how you do everything. So if you people please in love, you'll overwork at your job. Now that answers all your questions to all the jobs I have, you're welcome. Because we've been trained to earn our worth through exhaustion.If you shrink your voice in friendships and relationships, you're more than likely going to stay quiet in meetings because somewhere you've learned that speaking up risks being rejected.If you tolerate being dismissed, you'll start dismissing your own dreams because you can't chase expansion while living inside someone else's smallness.And I learned this, if you keep waiting for someone to choose you, you'll keep putting your life on hold for people who, who never do, they never do choose you because deep down when you're doing that, you're still believing love is something that you have to prove.The truth is, how you do one thing reveals how you do everything.Your relationships are just the classroom where your patterns show up to be healed.Fear, it doesn't just live in your love life. It sort of leaks into everything, right? It hides in your calendar, in your friendships, in your dreams, in your ambitions, in your daily habits.Yeah, in your bank account? Yep.But on the other side of fear?That's where something amazing lives. That's where your why lives. That's where your purpose lives. See, when my ex told me that I'd never make it on my own, good luck trying to be successful on your own as a single woman, as a single mother. Where are you going to get all this money from? How are going to live on your own? What are you going to do? How are you going to do it? Something in me clicked. And I thought, I'm better than what he thinks of me.And from that day on, I refused to look in the rear view mirror and let him control my future.And that's the choice we all get to turn pain into fuel. To say, all right, watch me.You have to decide how you want to feel because that's where the magic starts. And if your why is strong enough, no heartbreak, no lying, no dusty sucker can derail your unfolding. My why was stronger than heartbreak. That's where I was underestimated by men in my life.My clarity about how I want to feel in this lifetime, my accomplishments, the legacy that I want to leave behind that was stronger than anyone trying to take me down. And once I locked in, once I sunk my claws and my teeth into it and I found it, nothing could hook me again.But here's the truth, strength without self-awareness. Well, can stick. That can still keep you stuck because power without emotional maturity, just repeats the same patterns, but in a cuter, more hip outfit, right? Healing isn't about winning. It's about mastering yourself. It's, it was when I learned how to stay soft without losing my boundaries and honest without losing my peace. That's what it looks like. And that's where emotional intelligence comes in the real upgrade in your healing journey because emotional intelligence isn't about being calm all the time, right? And just feeling Zen, right? What it is is it's the ability to feel something uncomfortable, without blaming without running or punishing others for it. It's the difference between reacting from your pain and your old beliefs and responding from your power. It's, it, it's having the courage to say, yeah, I'm triggered. This is triggering me. You're triggering me, but I'm responsible for my reaction. Yes, I'm hurt, but I can also communicate.I can communicate my hurt or my pain to you without destroying the entire room.And people who lack it, they avoid accountability. They hide behind anger. Even they hide behind being dismissive. And they project shame. They ghost. They withdraw. They test you to see if you're going to chase them. And you know why? It's because being vulnerable feels like death to the ego for them.But when you heal, your energy changes. You stop chasing chaos because peace finally feels like home.And if you find yourself over explaining, taking responsibility for someone else's behavior, making excuses for their blowups or ignoring your intuition, just to avoid being the drama queen, that's your cue. Yep. That's your unfolding moment. That's the invitation for, for you to walk home to yourself, to come home to yourself. And listen, I'm not saying that I'm perfect, you know, and thatThis is all them, not even close because as the episodes unfold, I'm gonna start throwing myself out there. Start throwing myself in front of buses because I did, I had to do a lot of work. had to look in the mirror and I had to own my own pain and my trauma and the patterns that I kept dragging into relationships that didn't work. Because if you don't self reflect, you repeat it's hard work. It's like, if I, think of it as like excavation work, like real excavation work. I had to put on a metaphorical helmet with a big fat flashlight and I went digging. And what I found, not only was I contributing to the dysfunction, I was seeking it out. The same types of, of men, the same dynamics, the same heartbreak, just wearing different shoes.And there I was standing in the rubble and I was asking, why me? Only to realize it was me. And not in a shame way, but in a self-awareness way. I feel that when you finally see the part that you've been playing, this is what I've seen in my life. That's when the cycle ended for me. And also here's what I've learned. That when someone sees your heart, in your soul and all the layers, the beautiful, the messy, the complicated, all those layers to you and they still walk away, it doesn't mean you aren't enough. It means their container couldn't hold what you bring.The pain of rejection doesn't end when they walk away. It ends when you find peace and why they had to go. Because sometimes the universe, God, that which is greater, whatever you believe, right? When that happens and God removes people, he moves removes them because they were blocking your full potential, right? They were blocking your blessings. Sometimes it's because you're also, being prepared for a love that can meet you right at your level. Exactly. Right here, right now, right where you're at.And sometimes it's because God just said, she's not supposed to be decorating red flags anymore.I heard this guy on Tik Tok and I hope when I say this, that you can find him and send it to me because he's so funny, but I can't even remember who he was right now. But he's, he said that you're either drawing in your soulmate or your cellmate. And if you're not sure which one you've got, ask yourself, do I feel free or do I feel like I'm on probation?He goes on to say, there are three rings in a relationship and the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Choose wisely. I loved it.But let's talk about the, the real lesson of the door, right? It wasn't closing on me. It was closing for me so that I could finally walk through a new one. And this time I was wide awake. So here's a little medicine for you. If you're in it right now, you know, maybe you've been betrayed, ghosted, grieving, broken.Remember this, you aren't broken. You're becoming. This storm, this cloud over you, it's not your ending. It's your awakening. And you're being rerouted towards something greater, stronger, and more aligned than you can even imagine. On the other side of fear is freedom.Take a deep breath with me.Whoo, that was a good one. your hand on your heart and just repeat this after me. We're gonna do our little affirmation or integration, whatever you wanna call it. I have a little bit more for you, some fun, some funness at the end. But let's just do this right now and honor ourselves right now. I just wanna have you repeat after me. I release what hurt me. I rise wiser. I no longer chase confusion.I attract clarity. I am not here to prove my worth. I am here to live it. I am becoming the woman who no longer needs the door. She builds her own.That's the unfolding.Here's a journal prompt for you. Journal prompt suggestion. Answer this sometime. Let it pour out to you. Unfiltered, honest, messy if it needs to be. Because that's how you rebuild one truth at a time.What truth am I finally ready to stand in? Without apology.Speaking of truth, all right, I'm adding this new little segment into the episode, a few episodes here and there, not all of them. But I'm super excited about this part. It's called, I'm not your therapist, but also yes I am. All right. So we come to my favorite part of the show is the Q &A. So like I said, I lovingly coined it. I'm not your therapist, but also yes I am.And this is where I want to open it up to you listeners because I've been getting lots of messages. I love them. I try to respond and I don't always do a great job. So I'm sorry, but send them in, keep sending them in and I will have them featured on episodes because they're actually really funny. Today I'm going to talk about a few, I'm going to answer a few of them that I received multiple of the same. here we go.You get to the questions, I pretend that I don't need the same advice. But we'll get real about the things that everyone wants to know, but always you just can't always say it out loud. But I will. I'll be answering a few of your questions from time to time. And I do love connecting with each one of you. So I'll give you my truth unfiltered with some compassion and probably a little too honest. So, but let's get right into it. Okay. A question that I received a lot.When did the door actually happen?Earlier this year. I believe it was March ish. Yeah. Something like that. Earlier in the year though, early, early, early in the year. So it's just funny how some, something that can feel like a lifetime ago and yesterday at the same time, just like was happening. So anyway, there was that. the second question that I saw a lot was, do you still talk to him? No. there's peace in silence.I mean, I've learned that not every chapter deserves a sequel. So there's that one. see, I think I have time for two more questions. Okay. let's see, which was the other one that I pulled out. will you ever disclose who he is? Also? No, this isn't about him or it really, this isn't about any man. Really. It's about, it's about an experience, my experience, a lesson, pattern, that I finally started to see clearly. So it's never, never my goal to hurt or out or embarrass anyone. I will never do that on this podcast. That is my promise to you. This story is mine, but it's also universal. So no, I'll never reveal anyone's identity, including his. And finally, let's see one more here. I thought it was funny. Are you dating?Right now, my focus is on graduating. At this point, I'm going to graduate with the twins. We'll all be graduating from college together. No, but you my focus right now is on my family. And honestly, just making sure that we all make it out alive. They come first, they always will. And so that's been my focus. And after that, it's really on being happy and traveling and hanging out with my puppy.But doing all the things that make me feel alive and surrounding myself with people who bring good energy and, because what I've learned is my energy. Well, my energy is expensive, very expensive, and I am not giving discounts anymore. Not to draining phone calls, not to indecisive avoidant men, not to draining one-sided friendships.And definitely not to worry or stress. So no, I'm not dating right now. And honestly, I feel like that's a flex. Like that doesn't feel like a loss to me. It feels like alignment. but here's what I know for sure. Whatever's meant for me will never pass me by. It won't feel forced. I just know it's going to be easy. And I, I know I'll meet, I know that it'll meet me. That whole experience will meet me with the same peace and love and healing that I've built and cultivated within myself. So I'll just know. But that's the kind of love that I'm saving room for these days. So. OK, that's it for now. I went over way over. But if you have any questions and you'd like for me to answer on a future episode, send it to me. DM, text, Instagram, whatever. Drop it in my website.And so you might just hear it featured right here on I'm not your therapist, but also yes, I am. So let's close. This is what healing really looks like. It's not just surviving what broke you, but rising with humor, clarity and peace. Because the comeback isn't about proving them wrong, outing people, hurting people, making sure they know that they were wrong.It's always been about remembering who you are. You've met yourself on the other side of the door and you're just getting started. I'm so excited to be a part of that. Thank you for listening today. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink, and this is the Unfolding Podcast. Until next time, keep rising.Keep shining, I'm joking. Keep rising, keep laughing and keep unfolding. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

(00:11.479)I titled today's episode, Leaving the Pack. So there comes a moment when the life you built stops fitting. When the safety you've clung to starts feeling more like a cage than comfort. And yet, leaving the familiar, leaving the pack, it feels terrifying. Because somewhere deep in our biology, safety equals survival.(00:43.618)Welcome back to the Unfolding Podcast. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. And today we're talking about the moment you know you have to step away from the pack, from the relationship, the system, or the version of you that no longer fits. And how your brain, your body, and your nervous system will fight you every single step of the way. It'll actually even convince you to stay right where you are. Even when staying is keeping you small. Even when staying is breaking you.(01:32.405)Until you realize it's not sabotage, it's survival.Okay, I want to go down a little journey today with you. So let's go back in time. We're going to take it all the way back, like thousands of years back. okay, technically millions, millions of years back, but I want to take us back to cave woman times. Yeah, I said that. And if you're a man listening, cool. Well, great. First of all, I want to thank you. You know what? I wish I could high five you, but I'm air high fiving you right now.So by now you've realized that you probably need this or well, your significant other has suggested very, very strong suggestion that you listen to this. Okay. But either way, on behalf of myself and women all over, we want to thank you. We're happy you're here. So for today, I'm using the word cave woman because well,I can. Okay. What I want to do is talk a bit about the cave woman brain. Okay. Put on your thinking caps. We're going, we're back in school. As you all know, we were pack creatures. Okay. This is how it all started. Pack was life. It actually meant life. So everything depended on belonging, food, shelter. safety, communion and connection. If you left the pack, you died. Simple. You could not survive outside the cave outside the pack because back then the lion, the threat was really outside the cave and it was absolutely trying to kill us. Now.(03:38.008)Well, the lion looks different.It looks like chronic stress. It's a job loss. A breakup. Old outdated beliefs that need an upgrade.partner silence.heaviness. How will I feed my family this week, and the crippling fear of starting that new business adventure or publishing that new podcast.(04:13.25)Your brain doesn't know the difference. What happens is it just screams, danger, danger, danger, stay small. Don't get kicked out of the pack because the brain's primary purpose isn't happiness or fulfillment. It's not stepping into your power and discovering your purpose in this lifetime. Your brain's primary purpose, it's survival.The amygdala scans for threat constantly. is constant, right? For threats signals. What happens is it signals the autonomic nervous system and boom, what happens? Your survival responses kick right in. Fight, flight, freeze and fawn. Those survival responses that we talked about a few episodes back. Yeah, that was. So what happens is familiar equals safe. Even if it's painful.And that's why sometimes we stay in unfulfilling jobs, loveless or even toxic relationships and friendships that, you know, sure, while they're familiar, they also drain us. Because familiar pain feels safer than unfamiliar peace.(05:42.38)I once heard someone say, the nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. Boom. That thing knocked me off my feet. The nervous system will always choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven. Do you ever wonder why you just can't get that kickstart?Right? You just, you keep procrastinating and, making excuses for why you don't start, why you can't start, why right now isn't the time. Well, I'm glad you asked. Here we go. Maybe what was I talking about again? Ah, okay. Here we go. So, okay. Oh, I was talking about the nervous system. We'll always choose familiar hell over unfamiliar heaven. I love that. So for years, that's exactly what I was doing.I was choosing a familiar hell.I told myself it was love, but really it was the fear of exile.(06:51.639)So in my upcoming book, "Traumatized by a narcissist? If so, you may be entitled to compensation." There's a chapter that I talk about when I explained how the mask first slipped. he came in like a tidal wave, pummeling in. It was intense, intoxicating. He was confident. Within weeks.My days were booked, my nights spoken for, my weekends planned. Trips were arranged and us was declared.He said the line that would echo for years. Weeks in. I'm not dating anyone else. It's just you.(07:48.309)It felt like devotion. Like fate.See, after years of feeling invisible in my marriage, this attention felt like oxygen.way he looked at me. He looked at me as if I were the rarest thing in the room.And I breathed him in like air after suffocation. I, I mistook that rush for safety. There's something called the starvation effect. So when you've been emotionally neglected, your nervous system becomes super uber hypersensitive to scraps of attention, anything. So it's like being dehydrated in the desert, even one little drop of water feels like a flood. So what looks like falling in love is often your brain clinging to the relief of finally being seen.(08:53.58)Because weeks in, his mask slipped.We were talking politics, everyone's favorite subject, a lighthearted comment on my end or so I thought. What I didn't know at this point, I didn't understand his drinking patterns yet. And he switched up quick. He screamed at me. You don't know anything. You're so bleep ignorant.I'll keep it light for now. You'll have to read the book for the full quote. Now I'm a lot of things, but ignorant isn't one of them. But here's the thing. It wasn't just the words. It was the sun drop in temperature, like, like a freezer door opening, just all the warmth sucked out of the room and my nervous system froze.That was my first step onto the minefield. And I didn't know it then, but there were many more hidden, unpredictable, each one sharper than the last.So here's a little medicine moment, testing boundaries.(10:09.44)See the insult is never about the insult. Listen clearly. It's data collection, right? They're learning what you'll tolerate. Push back hard. Guess what? They recalibrate. Let it slide because you're tired, grieving. You're just trying to keep the peace. They learned something else about you. You'll bend, and I bent. Not because I didn't know better, but because I was already bleeding from other wounds.Then came the little jabs, right? The joke about my looks, jokes at my expense, a smirk while mentioning another woman. And then the drunken rages, the name calling, the reminders that my entire world had imploded. My family was fractured and that he was the only one left standing. The only one who had been there for me. Everyone in my life had abandoned me except him.And certainly no one else would ever put up with all that he had. And I believed him.(11:34.508)Here's a term to know, intermittent reinforcement. I want to break this down a little bit. what that is is it's a cycle of unpredictable rewards mixed with punishment. Okay. So it's the most powerful form of conditioning. So your brain bonds harder when love is inconsistent than when it's steady. It's not chemistry, it's captivity.So I stayed. Not because I was weak, but because my nervous system had been hijacked. Each new crack in the mask, I just simply explained away. he was tired. He didn't really mean that. He was drinking all day. He just needs to get some rest. He apologized. He really did apologize. And I think this one feels genuine this time.The mask doesn't slip just once. It slides slowly and deliberately. And that was when my body learned a dangerous equation. His silence felt like punishment and his return felt like oxygen.(12:54.804)I remember the first time I experienced his rage. It lasted hours. Screaming, cursing, accusing, threatening. And then, between the storms, that gentle version of him, softly saying, I'm really sorry, Yvonne. I'll never do that again.That's the real hook.The cruelty keeps you off balance, it's the tiny rare moments of softness that actually lock you in. mean, you tell yourself that's who he really is that right there. But by the time the mask fully cracks, I was convinced that at that point he was both the poison and the cure.That's how the mask works. doesn't shatter all at once. It fractures piece by piece until one day you realize the face staring back at you was never real.(14:12.221)It wasn't just betrayal. Check this out. It was biology. My body was screaming, run, get out of here. But my brain whispered, stay.Stay because it's familiar. Stay because you're scared. You can't survive out there. Stay because starting over at this age sounds exhausting. And it is. It said stay because people, they might talk. Because leaving meant standing alone. Leaving meant risking rejection, ridicule, silence. It meant I would be alone. Leaving meant facing the question, who am I without him?(15:20.043)When the mask first slips, it's tempting to excuse it. Quickly come up with something, right? He was, was tired or he was drinking. But the truth is the first insult, the first jab, the first scream fest, the first moment of cold cruelty, that's data. You don't need months of evidence. Believe the first fracture. Trust what your body felt in that moment.The The drop in your stomach. The feeling you wanted out of the pack, but felt caged also.None of that was drama. That's your intuition. That was your body saying, attention.There's this sacred, painful moment where your soul, it gets louder than your fear. Not the moment I lost him, the moment I found me. That's when I walked away. I didn't just leave him, leave his house, leave his safety. I left my old identity, the people pleaser, the rescuer, the Captain Save-A-Ho The I'm fine girl who smiled while quietly dying inside. It took several hundred thousand times, but I finally walked. Literally, I walked away and I kept walking and I kept walking through airports, across oceans, into Bali and Thailand and Portugal. Every country became a metaphor for retraining my nervous system, teaching it that aloneness is not danger, it's discovery. And that stillness isn't punishment, it's peace. So travel became my exposure therapy. Every new smell, new face, getting lost in new cities and countries.It was like a rep in the gym of rewiring. When I'd panic, I'd breathe. I'd practice my box breathing, the five, four, three, two, one grounding, even stepping outside and letting the cold air hit my skin. Each was my way of telling my body we're safe now.When I'd feel lonely, I'd talk to strangers. When I'd feel unworthy, I'd journal and journal and journal. I just began scribbling until those pages were bleeding with my truth.Each moment became an opportunity to show my nervous system. We are safe now. We got this. We can handle this. That's neuroplasticity in real time, right there. Your brain's ability to rewire through new experiences. And the wild part, when I stopped looking for that in other people, that peace, thatI started creating it within myself. And then when that happened, my anxiety softened, my confidence grew. I didn't need someone to save me. I already had come home to me. And that's, I guess that's what I'm trying to say about when I say healing isn't loneliness. It feels like that, but really what it is is it's coming home to yourself.(19:15.742)What I had rehearsed alone on airplanes is what I now get to practice with people every day. These days, that's the work I get to do, guiding people home to themselves. Whether it's addiction, anxiety, heartbreak, depression.What I see again and again is this. People aren't broken. They're paused. You ever feel like that? Their nervous systems are overloaded and their stories are stuck in survival mode.(19:56.19)And the moment we teach the body that it's safe, even just safe enough, people transform.I've seen someone who swore they'd never love again, start smiling at strangers and someone who thought they'd never trust again, finally start trusting themselves one decision at a time. Someone else who believed their joy was gone for good started laughing in their kitchens again.(20:32.424)And even someone who thought it was too late to begin. I've seen them launch new businesses, new dreams, new adventures. And we all called it freedom.It's not magic, it's biology and self-compassion working together.Because when you regulate, I, every time I say regulate, you just think of that song. Okay. Let me get back to this. What was I talking about again? Okay. Every time we regulate our nervous system, the emotional brain softens, the rational brain comes back online and suddenly the truth gets louder than the fear.And that's where psychology meets the See, once your body feels safe, your mind can finally start to listen. You begin to notice the pattern behind the pain. How, how a single thought, one single thought can shape the way you feel. How that feeling then influences what you do and how those actions quietly create the life you live.(21:48.51)Your thoughts create your feelings. Your feelings create your actions and your actions create your life. So if you want to change your life, just start by noticing the thought loop after you help your body feel safe enough to listen. So let's pause right here together, just for a sec. Just place your hand on your heart. I want you to just breathe in.(22:22.888)When you feel fear, regulate before you reframe. Okay. Because here's what I need you to know. You can't think your way out of a body that feels unsafe. So before you try to think your way forward, which I believe is very impactful, very positive, very much needed, right? Thinking our way forward. But before that practice this slight pause.First, notice the thought, right? Don't fight it. Just notice what am I feeling right now? What's this thought? Then name the feeling, right? Notice the thought, then name the feeling. What is it? Fear, shame, grief, unworthiness? I don't know. Whatever it is, name the feeling and then regulate.Breathe, tap, move. This is just you connecting with yourself.Sometimes when we hear information like this, the mind runs with it. wants to fix, to analyze, to understand it all. Right. But what, what real healing doesn't it real healing doesn't happen in our minds. It happens in our bodies. There are so many ways to come back home to yourself. It could be anything from taking a few deep breaths, right? Or maybe it's grounding through movement, music, a nice walk outside, a hike, anything, moving your body, or simply placing your hand over your heart, like we just did earlier and reminding yourself, I'm safe now.(24:09.213)whatever it looks like, regulation isn't about perfection. It's about remembering. Remembering that safety lives inside you.Now peace is something that you can return to over and over and over again.Each time you do this, it's a love letter to your nervous system.(24:38.483)Here's your own folding.Let's talk real life here. All right. Maybe your pack isn't a toxic relationship. Maybe it's your career. Maybe it's that friend group you've outgrown or the longing for a new brand new pack. One that feels more aligned with who you are, who you are right now, who you're becoming.Maybe it feels a little less judgmental.Maybe it's a version of you that once fit, but now it just feels too small. That knot in your stomach before logging on to work. That's data. That Sunday dread, and not because your team lost again. That's a sign.(25:29.331)That one friend who trains you every time you see them. That's your body saying to you, we're not safe here.Sometimes, okay, listen to these next few thoughts of mine, just with an open heart. Sometimes healing means walking away. And sometimes it means staying, but standing differently.Either way, the goal is peace. And peace starts the moment you stop outsourcing your worth.I used to think peace would come when he changed or when people finally saw the truth or when I had more, more, more, more, more, more money, more success, more proof that I mattered. But peace didn't show up in my bank account. It showed up in my body. The first time I said no more and meant it.And yes, it's funny how life humbles you. When I first left, swore I'd never date again. And now, well, I can spot a red flag before he even orders an appetizer. That's growth, baby. That's growth. So if you're standing at your edge right now, contemplating leaving the pack, wondering if you can rebuild(27:10.0)If you can start over, finally say yes to that adventure that's been on your heart for years. Or go alone. Please hear me. You can.(27:26.332)And here's the beauty. You won't be alone for long because the moment you choose truth, guess what? A new pack will find you. And this time it's built on love, authenticity and peace. Step into your light. Step into your power. Doubt your fear first before you doubt your truth. Show up messy, complicated, not knowing anything like I did when I started this podcast.But you've got this friend, the right people will find you. I know that because they're finding me. They're supporting me. They're loving me and cheering me on. You're not broken, frozen, lost. You're not crazy. You're just remembering who you are.(28:25.768)Here's our integration practice. Place your hand over your heart and repeat after me.I choose truth over belonging. I choose peace over patterns. I am safe in my becoming. I trust myself because sometimes leaving the pack isn't abandonment, it's evolution.(28:55.272)Your unfolding might look different than mine. Maybe yours is staying sober. Maybe it's finally saying enough.But no matter what it looks like, it's sacred.(29:12.711)Here's your suggested journal prompt for the week. So excited about this one. What would freedom look like if I trusted myself to leave? Ooh, that was a good one. I'm going leave you with something that no one told me. So I'm going to tell you how hard it is to rewire your brain to allow amazing things to happen after experiencing so much trauma or so much pain or so much difficulty. But it's possible. Learn to trust yourself. I promise you the blessings exist. Good people exists. Real, pure love exists and a more fulfilling life exists.Keep softening and allow it to happen. And I'll keep this work coming your way to support you in any way I possibly can. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. Thank you for listening to The Unfolding. Until next time, keep choosing yourself, keep breathing, and keep walking home. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

(00:10.895)Hey friend, welcome to the Unfolding Podcast where science meets soul and healing becomes an act of power. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink, life coach, writer, student, and total nerd of all things psychology. I'm also a woman in the middle of her own unfolding. Someone who believes that self-awareness is the new success. Every week we explore how the brainThe body and the heart work together to create the life you truly desire. Because you're not starting over. You're rising higher. You're unfolding.After last week's door episode, I was inundated with so much feedback and support questions. I loved it all. Thank you. But I want to say truly I'm learning and growing every day and the way your messages and DMS land in my heart is immeasurable. So keep them coming and thank you. Last week, I talked about the door.that defining moment that split my life into before and after. But here's the truth. The hardest part wasn't the moment itself. wasn't the door and what happened at the door itself. It was the quiet after the ache, the stillness that follows when something ends, whether it's a person, a friendship, or a version of yourself.(01:57.944)Today I'll be talking about that ache. The ache of losing people. My mom, those I once loved deeply. And friendships that were part of my becoming, the ones that felt like forever.because endings are teachers. They ask us something. They ask us, who am I now that the door has closed?(02:25.28)Some of you are a bit savage. I got a lot of these people asking if I was following up with a revenge episode. Great suggestions though. I'm going to hand that over to my producer. You know what? In fact, let's just do a revenge episode right now. It'll be quick. Here we go. I'll tell you what the best revenge actually is. Nothing. Here's my advice.Heal yourself. Love yourself. Take really good care of yourself. Take yourself on dates. Get dressed up. Create a wonderful playlist of music that makes you happy. Buy yourself flowers. Laugh. Cry. And I mean really cry. Surround yourself with good people while your heart heals. Travel.get a puppy. But most importantly, remind yourself of this. My person, my real person, the love of my life, my future life partner, husband, wife would have never treated me that way. And my real friends.would have never done that to me. My village, my real crew, they would have never treated me that way. That's the antidote.Because here's the truth. They know.(04:03.384)He knows he'll never find another love like mine. He knows he'll never find another woman who loved him at his absolute worst and who kept reminding him of his worth, reminding him of those incredible qualities that I saw. Someone who believed that he could do better and be better and treated him that way.And those friends, the ones who tried to speak poorly of you after you pulled away? They know too. They know you were loyal, selfless, trustworthy to a fault. They know you were legit, you were the ride or die. They know your love was unconditional, and they hurt you anyway. And that tells you everything you need to know. So no.I don't believe in revenge. don't believe in the TikToks and the Instagram reels of the glow ups, you know, to make someone jealous or the notion that in order to get over someone, you got to get under someone else. It's far more powerful to walk away silently. It doesn't matter if your story, if your side of the story is never told, if your story never comes out to light.And this might be a one to swallow, but I'm to go one layer deeper and I'm going to say this clearly. Don't regret people. No regrets, only revelations.And look, I know this next part might sting a little, but stay with me here. We don't have to regret people. I know what you're thinking. know you're thinking, Yvonne, you have no idea how I was played. You have no idea what those friends did and said to me and, and how I was treated so unfairly. I absolutely regret that man. I absolutely regret that group of friends.(06:12.823)Some of us were played pretty dirty. I was. Some of us were devastated by people we once loved and trusted.And I'm sure that some of you are probably even wondering, so wait, so are you going to forgive the guy from the door? Can you find a lesson in that pain, in that betrayal? And the short answer is yes. Yeah.Not for him, but for me.Here's what I mean. We don't have to regret the people who taught us what we were ready to learn. Boom, mic drop.Sit with that for a second. I mean it. That truth can sting, but it also can set you free. We don't have to regret the people who taught us what we were ready to learn.(07:13.473)They were mirrors reflecting back what still needed healing. They unveiled the parts of us that still needed our attention. They revealed where we still believed love had to be earned, proven or rescued.(07:35.24)Every experience becomes part of your unfolding process. That, that, that method, the process of revealing what still needs to be seen, healed and integrated. So don't regret people honor the lesson, transform it into wisdom.(08:02.09)I wish I'd learned this lesson years ago that not everyone is going to understand me, like me, or even try to. I know that's hard to believe, but truly for most of my life, I don't know why, but I needed people to get me. Okay, come on. All my Aquarius is out there. You know what I'm talking about here. You know what I mean. We'reWe're different. We're a little eccentric, a little rebellious, maybe quirky, odd, weird. We're deep one minute, detached the next. We crave deep connection, but also we own our space. Beat it. Kick rocks. I need some time. I know it's confusing even for us. So I spent years trying to translatemyself to people. mean, I was trying to prove that I wasn't a bad person. wasn't cold, aloof, rejecting them or complicated or that I wasn't too much. I wanted them to know that I was a good person. So I'd explain and I'd over explain and over explain. I'd even shrink myself to fit their comfort zones.I'd stay too long in places that no longer felt like home.But here's what I know now. I don't need everyone to like me. I just need to stay someone I like. And that's freedom.(09:45.162)The truth is not everyone will accept you, understand you, or vibe with your energy. For some people, you'll be too opinionated, too loud, too soft, too spiritual, too something, too blah. And none of it has anything to do with you. Let it go. People respond to life through their own lens, their unhealed wounds, their stories, their projections.We all do it.It's exhausting trying to contort yourself to fit someone else's comfort. I'm exhausted. So now as a recovering people pleaser, I just focus on being a really good human. Just, I'm just doing my best to love people, to listen, to have compassion and empathy and also to self-reflect and to take responsibility when I get it wrong, when I'm wrong. I own my s**t.Because here's a simple truth that I wish we were all taught. If someone hurts you, it's their responsibility to tell you and yours to listen. Cause what I don't do anymore is try to read people's minds. I am actually really good at it as an Aquarius, very intuitive, but I don't.I'm over that part. don't walk into rooms wondering if I'm liked or if I'm good enough or if I should be there. I just assume I am. I assume love. I assume peace. I assume that I belong.(11:36.746)until someone clearly tells me otherwise. And if someone's energy shifts or they seem distant or having an off day, I don't automatically make it mean that I did something wrong. Maybe they're just at war with themselves. Maybe it's not about me at all.That's the kind of freedom that comes with self-trust. When you stop guessing who loves you and start knowing you do.That's emotional maturity. It's boundaries with grace.(12:18.858)I posted something the other day. don't exactly remember it, so I'm going to butcher it. So bear with me here. You'll get the gist of it. It said something to the effect, we don't have haters. We have people who don't know how to love themselves. They hate themselves and they try to project that onto you. And it hit a nerve because it's true. People who are at war with themselves will always find something to battle in you.Think about it. The angry cashier during the holidays. Maybe the relative who always needs to be right. Well, it's rarely about you. It's just, it's bumper cars. It's unhealed people bumping into unhealed people.Your job isn't to join the fight. It's to stay anchored in your peace and let them work out their reflection.Because once you understand projection, you stop personalizing other people's pain. And that's when you finally feel free.(13:29.546)Last night I got a message from someone who asked me a really, really interesting question. It was several that I read through, but this one just stood out. And it was, came to, my answer came to me instantly. I even blurted it out loud. And then I responded. But the message was, the question was, what was the most difficult thing you faced this year while traveling, writing, dealing with your broken heart, moving?What was the most difficult thing you faced this year?(14:03.232)And my response was, having to walk away from people I loved with every ounce of my heart.(14:15.615)having to walk away from people that I loved with every ounce of my heart that I wasn't ready to let go of.but I had to walk away from them. No one really talks about that.The walking away from the familiar? The letting go of people you once imagined forever with?(14:39.923)And so it got me thinking, it got me actually ruminating on something even deeper. Why didn't we learn this in school? Why didn't we learn how to self love, right? How to love ourselves the way we were taught to love and serve others. Why wasn't it? Why wasn't that a requirement?Why wasn't there a class on boundaries, on understanding healing, on understanding our trauma, you know, our childhood trauma and grief, or even our adult trauma and the grieving process or how to walk away from people who don't treat us right. I mean, we learned algebra, photosynthesis. We learned how to write a five paragraph essay. And I don't want to age myself here, butI learned how to churn butter and not like a colonial woman on a on an airplane wing. But no one taught us how to say no without guilt. No one taught us that no is a complete sentence. Period. Or that protecting your peace isn't selfish, it's self-honoring.We weren't taught what to do when someone we love keeps hurting us. We weren't taught that walking away from disrespect is an act of self-respect. Think about it. As girls, many of us were encouraged to do what? Be sweet and kind and share, be accommodating and just smile. Don't be too loud. Keep smiling. God forbid you have a potty mouth.(16:26.603)I must have missed that lesson, but right. We're told to be confident, but not that confident. Be soft, but not sensitive. Keep your chin up, right? Be strong, but don't you dare intimidate. Be beautiful, but don't make others jealous.And for boys, it was the opposite message, but the same wound. Toughen up. Don't cry. Why are you acting like a girl? Well, boys will be boys.So from a young age, we all learned to perform our worthiness. We learned to measure love by approval, to silence discomfort for connection, to apologize for taking up space.We learned that keeping the peace, even when it hurt, that was noble. Right. And staying quiet and following the rules, being a good person made us just lovable. Bending made us good. And maybe that's the moment that we started leading ourselves little by little. Every time we chose harmony over honesty.And so we improvise. We stay too long. We try to fix what we didn't break. We even let people bleed all over us, even though we weren't the ones who cut them.(18:06.314)And one day you wake up and realize you've been editing yourself out of your own story. You've been proofreading your personality to make other people comfortable. Rewriting your boundaries in pencil. I did this for years. I even handed over the eraser here. Here you go. Just in case they needed to erase my boundaries when it suited their needs.You've been auditioning for roles in other people's narratives, forgetting you were the author, producer, and the main attraction all along.And that's when the ache begins. There's the ache again, the ache of realizing how much of yourself you've traded for love, for belonging, for being the good one, the easy going and chill one.But here's the truth, you don't have to keep auditioning for a part you already own.Your worth was never meant to be negotiated. It was meant to be remembered. And I hope you do.(19:20.138)I was thinking about it, wondering if maybe that's why we struggle so much as adults, not because we're broken or we don't know what to do or how to do it, but maybe because we were never taught the emotional basics of being human.And when you finally stop editing yourself, when you start standing in your truth, that's when the holy ache begins. There's a strange, I want to call it sacred pain that comes with choosing yourself for the very first time. It's not loud. It's not dramatic. It's quiet, almost reverent. You almost just blurted out.like I did when I answered that question. It's like the body is exhaling after holding its breath for years. It's that, huh.(20:24.744)It's the ache that follows the awakening. The ache that tells you I can't keep betraying myself to stay loved.And you start to see clearly the relationship you outgrew, the friendship that's been one sided for far too long. The version of you that survived on pleasing and pretending and choosing yourself in those moments. It feels like freedom, but it also feels like grief, because growth always has a cost. And when you heal, you start losing things that were never meant to stay. Illusions, attachments, versions of yourself that made everyone else comfortable.It's sacred, but it hurts. And that's why I call it the holy ache.(21:25.969)I first learned the shape of grief when my mom passed.(21:33.991)When my mom passed, it wasn't just sadness. was disorientation. I woke up one morning and it's like waking up in a life that suddenly didn't make sense anymore. It didn't fit anymore.And grief certainly doesn't ask for permission. It just moves right in. It just kind of guts you out. It hollows you out. It felt like someone used a heart-shaped cookie cutter and then just pressed it hard against my chest and just carved out that whole stamping, that heart-shaped vacancy, yanked out the what was inside and just discarded it.Where something sacred used to live. It's now hollow. The hole never gets filled but it's a reminder of how deeply you are capable of loving.(22:31.655)Right? The days blur together. The world keeps spinning and going. Right? You feel underwater watching life just move while you're standing still there.And every loss that comes after touches that same scar not to reopen it, but to remind you where love once lived.Once you've known that kind of love, you recognize its absence. The way a room feels different when the laughter is gone. The way silence can sound like memory. That recognition, that echo.It's both the cost and the proof of having loved so deeply and been loved so deeply. And after that, you start to recognize its fingerprints everywhere in friendships that drift in partners who betray the safe places that you built for them. In moments you realize you've been trying to make almost love, almost in love with me, feel like enough.(23:52.177)Love and loss live in the same room. You can't separate them. They come as a set. One teaches you depth. The other teaches you release. And those of you that have that know loss and grief all too well, you know exactly what that means. One teaches you depth. The other teaches you release.It also reminds me of something that we don't talk about enough. And that's the quiet heartbreak of friendship breakups. We talk endlessly about romantic heartbreak, right? There's a book, there's a class, there's a therapist, there's everything you can think of when it comes to romantic heartbreak. But nobody warns you about the quiet grief of friendship breakups.Our brains don't separate romantic love from deep friendship. Attachment is attachment. That's why friendship breakups can hurt just as much, sometimes more, because they're woven into our sense of safety.Some friendships don't end in explosions. They evaporate quietly. They dissolve in slow motion without confrontation or closure. And that's what makes them so confusing. You start wondering if you imagined the closeness, you did something wrong.And then there are the ones that end all at once, a sharp word, a sudden silence, door that closes without warning. The shock of that can sting just as deeply as the slow fade though. Different stories, same ache, both hurt because both are loss. One leaves you aching with confusion. The other leaves you reeling from impact, but either way your heart is left trying to make sense of the empty space where connection used to live.The truth is, it's not that you're broken, it's that you're evolving and not everyone will want to rise with you. Some people were only meant to meet the version of you that needed them then, not the one who is currently unfolding.(26:16.659)Here's the thing, emotional attachment isn't just poetic, it's biological. When we bond with someone, our brain releases oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin, the beautiful chemicals that tell us this is safety, this is love, this is home. And over time, your nervous system starts to weave itself around theirs. And that's why even when a relationship isn't good for you, your body still reaches for it.letting go feels like withdrawal because in a way it is think about it like this. Your brain is losing its favorite chemical cocktail. That's why detachment feels like deprivation, not because you're weak, but because your biology hasn't caught up to your truth yet. It's true. MRI MRI studies. It's even shown that the same regions of the brain that activate during physical pain,light up during emotional loss. So if you've ever felt this or have heard someone say that their heart physically hurts, there's no exaggeration there. You're describing neuroscience. It's not just emotional, it's neural. You're performing delicate brain surgery, unwiring thousands of tiny emotional filaments that once whispered, this is home. It's delicate. It's messy.and it's absolutely necessary. I want to say something and I'm going to say it gently. When we keep allowing poor behavior, especially from people we love, we abandon ourselves. And every time we do, we teach our nervous system that their comfort matters more than our peace. That's not love. That's conditioning. Learned Survival.but I got some good news for you. This is where your unfolding begins. Your brain can heal itself. It's called neuroplasticity. It's the brain's ability to rewire itself through new experiences and repeated choices. So guess what folks? You can teach an old dog new tricks. Every time you choose peace over chaos, truth over denial,(28:45.052)You're teaching your body something new. That love doesn't have to hurt to feel real. Every time you place your hand on your heart and repeat after me the affirmation, you're teaching your brain something new. You're literally rewiring your brain for safety. One choice, one breath, one boundary at a time. That's the real unfolding. Not in the absence of pain, but in the reclaiming of your peace.And what's incredible here is once your brain starts to feel safe again, guess what? Your heart follows and you begin to remember yourself. The noise quiets, the panic softens. You stop mistaking chaos for connection. You start hearing your own voice again. At first it's faint, like a memory trying to find its way home. But over time it does, it gets stronger.And then you do, remember your light, the one that's always been there, even when you forgot how to see it.Here's your unfolding. When we finally walk away, we think we're losing something outside of us. But what if we're actually remembering something inside of us? I've been deep diving and I've been teaching a lot on this lately because sometimes I'm just going to say it. It's our love that makes people so special. It's our softness, our grace, our presence, our forgiveness, our capacity, our humor.That's what makes people so special. We pour so much light into others that we forget we are the source of that light.(30:35.781)So when they leave, the glow goes with them for a while. And the world, for a moment, looks dimmer. The things that used to sparkle feel muted. But eventually, and slowly, that light finds its way back home to you. And one day, you catch yourself laughing again, smiling for no reason, saying yes to new people and new adventures. Planning your future, dreaming without the ache. And it doesn't sting anymore. That's the light returning home. That's what I mean when I say you're not breaking down, you're unfolding.And as you start to feel that light return, helps to understand what's really happening beneath the surface. Because healing isn't magic, it's method. It's science guys. It's the brain, the body and the heart finally working in sync again. So before we close, here are a few terms to help you name what's unfolding inside of you.Okay, here we go. Homeostasis, you ask. Well, it's your, your body and minds. It's, it's a natural drive to it. It's okay. Your body and mind's natural drive to maintain balance. wants to maintain balance. So when you lived in chaos or emotional instability, balance can actually feel uncomfortable at first. Healing invites your system to find a new equilibrium. One rooted in peace rather than the former, which was survival. All right. Okay. Next self-coherence. The alignment between what you feel, what you need and how you act. It's when your nervous system, emotions and choices finally start speaking the same language. The three of them merge.(32:47.321)You stop betraying yourself to be loved and you start living in sync with your truth. And finally, we talked about this throughout the episode, neuroplasticity. It's the brain's ability to rewire itself through new experiences and repeated choices. Study that a little bit more. I'm so fascinated by it. It just means that really that healing isn't just emotional. It's biological. Every time you choose calm over chaos,or truth over denial, your brain literally starts building new neural pathways that make peace easier to access next time and the next time and the next time. here's your suggested journal prompt. So if you're listening while driving or walking, make a mental note. And when you get home, write this down. Where have I been abandoning myself to stay connected to someone?And then write the antidote. One small boundary I can honor this week is, and fill in the blank.Let your nervous system learn that safety and solitude can coexist. It's safe.(34:09.433)Okay, take a breath with me. Let's do this.All right, we've walked through a lot today. The ache, the release, the remembering. So now let's bring this all home. Place your hand on your heart and repeat after me this affirmation. Even when it hurts, I choose to honor my peace. My love is sacred. My boundaries are holy. My unfolding is my homecoming. Take a deep breath and let that land.(34:46.266)Thank you so much. You've been listening to the unfolding podcast. We'll talk about healing, self-trust, and the art of becoming. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. If this episode touched something inside you, share it with someone who's learning how to stay soft without staying small. And remember, sometimes the most sacred act of love is the one that says,I choose me too. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever wondered why people are so fascinated with 11/11? Why that little pattern of numbers seems to stop time for even just a second. It's like you're being nudged to notice something. For me, 11/11 has always meant something more personal. When my mom was alive, we would often text or call each other right at that time. was a silly thing between us and it became our ritual.A quiet little reminder between the two of us that we were thinking of one another. And when she was passing, I told her that every time I saw 11/11, I'd keep her memory alive somehow.So now whenever it appears, to me, it's not just a number on my phone or clock or watch. I think about her and the beautiful and incredible memories I have with her and times that she spent with my daughters and cooking in the kitchen and teaching them things. So to me, it's a whisper now. A pulse of connection that reminds me that love doesn't disappear.It just changes form. Now, I've always been a huge believer of all things spiritual. God, Christianity, all of that. Not so much organized religion, but more of the spiritual spirituality aspect. But I also have a science brain and I love understanding the why behind the magic, the bridge between energy and evidence, intuition and neuroscience.I'm your host, Yvonne Wink, and this is the Unfolding Podcast. Today, I'm really excited about this. We're going to explore what 11/11 really represents, not from superstition, but from the intersection of intention, alignment, and awareness. Stay with me, folks. I don't want to lose you. because, well, okay.Some people see 11/11 as a wish. I happen to see it as a window, a doorway into presence and possibility. If you're listening to this on November 11th or any day, really, let's call this your beginning. Think of it like this. It's not about waiting for the perfect date or the perfect moment to reinvent yourself. It's about realizing that at any moment you can begin practicing who you want to become. And I'm not talking about fake it till you make it kind of energy. Nope. I'm talking about something deeper, aligning with the version of yourself that's already within you and just waiting to be lived out loud. Practicing who you really want to be with intention, awareness, and with compassion. Because that's the real secret. We don't become who we want by wishing, by just sitting around and thinking about it, or doom scrolling and living vicariously through random people on social media that we don't even know.We become that person through small, consistent choices, through repetition, through practice.If you want more love, practice being love with yourself, with others, practice self-acceptance, forgiveness, and compassion for the parts of you that are still learning.If you want more peace, practice creating peace. Not just hoping for it. Not just having your fingers crossed, but creating it in your schedule, in your conversations, in your home. Make it so steady that even when life gets loud, you still feel anchored inside yourself. Take a breath. Slow down. Say no to what drains you.And if you want more confidence, practice showing up. Do something once in a while that stretches you, maybe even scares you. Like starting a podcast.Because courage isn't the absence of fear. It's the willingness to lean into it and move with it. The version of you you're becoming doesn't just arrive one day. Sorry to announce. It's built. It's built through small, consistent choices that no one else sees. Things like when you replace, “I'm not enough,” with “I'm learning.”When you forgive yourself for what you didn't know back then, remind yourself that those were just patterns. were habits, old beliefs. They were moments of survival. They were learned responses, not your identity, not who you are, just things you did. They were the ways you tried to stay safe, to belong, to make sense of the world with what you had at the time.But now you know more. And when you know better, you begin to choose differently.You see, our brains are constantly rewiring. Every time you interrupt a negative thought and replace it with a compassionate one, you're literally carving a new neural pathway. It's called neuroplasticity, the science of how the brain changes with practice and repetition. So when you catch yourself saying things like, “I can't,” and you follow it with “I'm learning how.”. Or when you shift from, “I'm so dumb. I'm always messing things up,” to, “I'm practicing getting better.” You're not just changing your mindset. You're retraining your brain to support your healing. That's the antidote to negative self-talk. Awareness, interruption, and replacement. Catch it, pause it, and rewire it.When you stop waiting for permission and start living like you belong in your own life, you move from survival to creation. And that's where transformation really begins. Becoming isn't about pretending. It's about training your mind and body to believe that it's safe to grow. It's safe to love.It's safe to take up space and just be seen.Every act of self-respect, every boundary, every honest conversation you have, it's a brick in the foundation of who you're becoming. Every small act of courage that brings you more, it brings more of you to the surface, to the top level. You don't find yourself. You remember who you've been all along.Okay. Let me show you what I mean. Recently in one of my groups, I had everyone look around their space, their room and find everything that was green. Right? So, so people started scanning the room and they were locked in on plants and pens and pillows, even walls. And then I said, close your eyes.And I asked, “now, tell me everything you saw that was red.” Suddenly, silence. A little frustration, annoyance, some giggles. Because they weren't looking for red. They were focused on green.And when they opened their eyes and realized they'd been surrounded by red all along, a mug, I think someone even said, “I'm wrapped in a red blanket,” or the green blanket, a picture frame, a lamp. But what happened was their minds filtered it out. That's how the brain works. You can only see what you tell yourself to look for.It's actually called reticular activating system or RAS or R-A-S. So it's a tiny network in your brainstem and it acts like a spotlight filtering millions of bits of information and only letting in what it believes matters to you. That's why when you start thinking about, let's say you want to buy a new Jeep, a white Jeep, suddenly you start seeing white Jeeps everywhere. Now, was it that overnight there was mass production, right? And they're everywhere? No, that's not what happened. They were always there. You just tuned your focus to notice them.And the same thing happens with your thoughts and emotions. If you focus on what's missing, your brain will keep scanning for lack. But when you focus on what you want, love, peace, health, good health, confidence, purpose.Your brain starts organizing itself to find and create more of that. That's not magic. That's alignment. That's neuroscience and energy working together. Your focus creates your experience.Okay. Let's make this a mini session moment together. Here we go. Grab a notebook if you can, or just take a breath. And I want you to just visualize this, but I'm giving you a few seconds to grab a notebook. Okay. I want you to think of one big goal, not a checklist goal, but a becoming goal. Something that, something that lives in your heart.Maybe it's, “I want to feel proud of the life I'm living, I want financial stability and freedom, I want to love myself so much that I stop settling.”Whatever it is, that's your starting point. Okay? So write that down. And now imagine, or actually with your pen, draw, divide the page into four quadrants. Okay?Quadrant one. I want you to now ask yourself, what's in the way? We're looking for constraints, right? What's in the way? Maybe old patterns, fears, limiting beliefs, distractions. Name them honestly. Not to shame yourself, but to see clearly. Because once you can see the pattern, you can change it.Okay. Quadrant two. Here are your solutions. Okay. So for each constraint, I want you to write next to it. One possible solution. Not the perfect one. Just the next right step. Okay. So if the problem is, I procrastinate, speaking for myself. Okay. So the problem is I procrastinate.Maybe the solution right next to it is to set one small daily action, or maybe I'm scared of failing, you'd write next to that. The solution is, let myself fail, small, and I'll learn from it.Here's the thing, you need to know your constraints. You need to know what holds you back. But you also need to know your power.Okay. Quadrant three. I want you to find the “why.” This is the story of my life. I'm always trying to figure out the why, but I need you to find and dig deep and grab some emotion in there. This is where the energy lives. This is where the magic happens. Okay. Choose one emotion you want to feel when this goal comes to life, right? Get crystal clear about how you want to feel.Maybe proud, maybe alive, peaceful, maybe free. And then write that down because here's why. Emotion is fuel. This is why it's always bothered me. New Year's resolutions, right? Watching people just dream big and talk and talk about all the things they want to do. You know, what's the first thing? Why? I'm going to get in shape this year.And by what, January 20th, the gyms are empty again, right? New Year's resolutions fade. Here's why. They come from the head and real transformation begins in the heart. So you've got to get crystal clear about how you want to feel. So ask yourself, why does this matter to me?Right? I want to feel alive again. I want to build something that leaves a legacy behind where my children are proud of me. It outlives me. Or I am ready to finally step into my potential.Your why is your anchor. That “why” is what keeps you going when the motivation fades. So dig deep and get to the bottom of how you want to feel. And finally, quadrant four, why now? This is important. Ask yourself, why now? Why is this timing sacred? Why does it matter for who you're becoming?You see, when you link your growth to your purpose, it stops being a task and it becomes a calling.This is the spiritual part, not mystical, but meaningful. It's the understanding that every breath, every decision is a chance to align with the person you're practicing to become. That's what I mean when I say portal, right? Not some cosmic doorway in the sky, but the moment that you choose awareness and you choose courage and intention.So take a breath, look over all four quadrants and let them be your roadmap. Not just for today, not for, not just for 11 11, but for the year, maybe even for life. Because when you keep practicing love and peace and good health and purpose,You stop chasing change. You become it.So if you've been waiting for the right time to begin, today's your day. This is it. You're not late. You're right on time. This isn't just another date on a calendar. It's a reminder that every single day is a doorway, an opportunity to realign, to shift, to refocus, but more importantly, to return to yourself.Let this be your beginning. Not a rushed start, but an intentional one. It's built from presence, purpose, and a quiet promise to yourself to keep showing up.Because what you focus on expands. It's not magic, it's momentum. When your thoughts, emotions, and actions start moving in the same direction, life starts meeting you there. That's alignment. The sweet spot where psychology and energy flow together.So instead of asking, when is this going to happen? Will it ever happen? Start asking, how can I live it today? That's where the transformation begins. It's not in the waiting, but it's in the practicing.I hope you enjoyed this fun little impromptu podcast episode. If this episode spoke to you, take a moment to subscribe, share it with a friend, or leave a review. Keep sending me DMs. I'm loving it. Text messages, all the love, all the high fives. It truly helps.This message reaches others who are unfolding right alongside you, so share it. Don't be too cool. And remember, I drop new episodes every Monday.Thank you for listening. Thank you for showing up for yourself and for choosing to grow with me. Until next time, keep aligning, keep practicing and keep unfolding. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever had a moment that split your life into before and after? A distinct moment so sharp, so defining, that you could feel the line it carved right through your story? There was the you before and the you after. And in between, the moment you realize nothing will ever feel the same again.That was my door. And what's wild is, I was supposed to be halfway across the world.Welcome back to the unfolding podcast. Real talk about self-discovery, healing, and what it means to come home to yourself. I'm your host and friend, Yvonne Wink. I'll be dropping new episodes every Monday because, well, I think the start of the week should feed your soul, not just your to-do list. Okay. Back to that poignant moment I was talking about earlier. So after everything I'd survived, death, divorce, financial collapse, heartbreak,I didn't need another self-help book. I lots of those. I mean, I love them, but I didn't need another one. I needed a life lab. Well, technically I needed and wanted a lobotomy, but apparently my new insurance wouldn't cover it. instead I settled for something almost as radical. I was numb and needing to feel something again. So earlier this year I did what any somewhat sane, middle-aged and mildly heartbroken woman would do. I packed my grief, my journals and my courage into a carry-on. And I booked a one-way ticket across the world.One turned into multiple and before I knew it, I was on a year long pilgrimage. Every country became a chapter in my resurrection. Thailand softened me, elephant sanctuaries, salt water sunshine, and alone time with my daughter Taylor. Bali humbled me. I met a medicine man who I swear saw right through my soul. He told me, you're not broken. You're remembering. Greece demanded strength I didn't know I had, both hiking cliffs that mirrored the steep climb back to myself and my first experience of danger as a female solo traveler. Portugal, it was sweet to me. It gave me sunsets that whispered, keep going. Mexico reminded me I wasn't lost at all. I was supported and loved by family. had visited ten cities with various family members, my brother and sister-in-law celebrating his birthday and my cousin and our daughters, just gathering pieces of our truths and just being supported by a fierce group of women on that last trip to Mexico. Italy reminded me that I could love again, specifically Florence. Singapore, Tokyo, Malaysia, Turkey, all very short trips throughout the journey butThey inspired me and centered me, nourished me, amazed me. And the Philippines, that one was personal. The Philippines brought me home to my father's laughter, to my mother's memory, and to myself. I missed my mom deeply there. My dad and his new wife threw a surprise birthday party for me. It was so sweet. For one night, I was surrounded by laughter and love and food and karaoke. I felt my mom's love through him, through my dad. It's like she found a way to show up anyway. My mom is one to never miss a good party. But I hadn't just been traveling. I was rebuilding. Each country was giving me back a piece of myself that I didn't know I'd lost. And somewhere between temples and the tears,I realized being alone wasn't something to fear. It was sacred. For the first time in my adult life, I wasn't defined by who I loved, but by who I was becoming. So country by country, I was remembering who I was without anyone else's voice in my head. And I was moving without a map and somehow finding home everywhere I went. In airports, dragging my life through security lines, I discovered a strength that only has to wake up when it has no choice. Resilience became my carry-on.Somewhere between the flights and the foreign streets, I realized I had never truly been alone before. And for the first time, I was beginning to prefer it.Bali wasn't just a place. It was, I feel like it was preparation. It was the whisper before the storm, the grounding before that gut punch, a mirror showing me what safety could feel like so that when I returned home and it was ripped away, because it was, I would know the difference.And in the sleepless hours of travel, I studied psychology, thinking I was preparing for a degree. Attachment theory, trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance. Turns out I was cramming for survival. Because the real test of everything I'd learned wasn't in a book. It wasn't even out there on foreign soil, across oceans. It was waiting for me back home. It was waiting behind one door. Disguised as love wrapped in promises and destined to break me.It was him.We'd been circling each other for years, breaking, mending, breaking again. This time we'd been apart for a while. No contact, no check-ins, just pure silence. And that time I'd really believed it was over. Until days before I was set to leave the country. That's when he called. He begged me not to go. In fact, he said that this had always been his issue with me. That every time I boarded a plane, he felt triggered, unchosen, like I was abandoning him. He said it was a helpless feeling knowing he couldn't reach me if something went wrong. And logically, I understood. I could see how loving someone who's always on the move, always on the go, always in motion, might feel uncertain or safe.Somewhere in that conversation I began to feel the hook, the familiar guilt, and I almost convinced myself maybe it was me. Maybe if I could just fix this one thing, if I could just stay still, grounded, just stay home, maybe this time we'd finally get it right.This trip was different. This was a pilgrimage, and I knew I had to go. And I did. We stayed loosely in touch, a few texts, small talk, that familiar drip of connection that keeps hope alive.But I decided midway through my trip to make that detour he requested. Cause I was a fool who still believed love could be negotiated. I thought I would just make this small temporary detour. I wanted to show him he mattered. It was perfect timing. I had to come home anyway and deal with some medical issues, but really it was a test of love. It was my grand gesture.What he didn't know was I was surprising him and coming home a day early. This was my see, I choose you moment. Just the day before he texted, I love you. And we hadn't exchanged those words in forever.He said that he could see a future with me, that he wanted a future with me, and that with this time and space between us, lots of change, growth, and healing from both sides, he said, I think we could finally get this right.The truth? He hadn't changed at all. He was running the same game he always had. Bread-crumbing me with just enough softness to keep me tethered. A late night text. A flash of tenderness. A hint of the man from the beginning. I'd lean in and then like clockwork he'd vanish, ghost me for days. And when he reappeared, he'd bite. Sharp words. Accusations. Contempt.The cycle was cruel, predictable, and devastatingly effective.That's how toxic love works. It follows a pattern. First, they idealize you. Mirror everything you love about yourself back at you until you're glowing in the reflection. Then comes the devaluation. The quiet distance wrapped in, hey, back away, I just need some space. The mixed messages, the one minute they need you close, they want you close, they're drawing you in. The next they're pushing you away saying, hey, back up, I'm trying to process.And somehow it's always your fault. If you hadn't reacted, if you didn't have these feelings, right? If you had just said things differently, they wouldn't be yelling at you. They wouldn't have berated you, withdrawn or shut down. You start explaining your tone instead of expressing your truth. And lastly, the discard. They pull away completely. leaving you gasping for the next hit of the person they once pretended to be. They essentially crash the car and abandon the wreckage, leaving you inside. And if they're super, super sweet, kind, and fluffy, they come back, they pop back over and pour some gasoline, flick a match, and walk away.And just when you claw your way out of the wreckage and start to recover and heal, they suck you right back in with a text, a memory, a sudden, I miss you. It's not random. It's conditioning. Your brain learns to chase the highs because the lows feel unbearable.You don't fall in love with the person, you fall in love with the relief of their temporary kindness. That's not love. That's survival.Okay, back to the door, back to my surprise, my surprise visit home. Okay. I drove straight to his house, straight from the airport. No shower, no pause, no mercy and no thoughts. Clearly. My heart wasn't just pounding. It was performing CPR on my hope. And as I pulled up and parked across the street, I just stared into the house that I once called home.I knew that house too well and that house knew me. It knew my energy and my essence. But this night, it felt hostile.I knew the pattern of the lights, the way the shadows moved across the shutters. And I knew what dim lights meant. And this night, that glow, it was different. And my body knew it before my mind would let it land. Something's waiting for you behind that door, Yvonne, and it's not love.My gut started to twist. It was warning me, don't go in there. But I did.And just as I halfway stepped out of my car, one foot out and one foot in the car, a neighbor clips me with his car.I wish I could say that I added this for the drama, but this was all real. Metal crunched, I go flying in the air and then I come down and hit the pavement. Skin splits, palms raw, knees throbbing. I called him. No answer. I texted him, Hey, I was just in an accident right in front of your house, which I'm sure he probably heard, but no reply. Bloody, bruised, but determined, I picked myself up off that pavement, palms dripping, streaking red as I wiped them off onto my torn yoga pants. My phone stayed dark. No reply, no lifeline. No one was coming to save me.So I turned my focus back to the driveway because I have a mission to accomplish, but that driveway thing rose. It rose before me like a mountain. Each step felt heavier than the last. I was army crawling my way up that driveway. My chest is on fire. My lungs clawing for air. Every heartbeat thundered louder like a drum roll announcing my arrival.I knocked with every ounce I had left in me. The door cracked open. It was him. He stepped outside, slithering between the door and the screen, blocking my view inside.Surprise, I said with my voice shaking. Can I come in? He looked me dead in the eyes and said, no.I asked, do you have someone inside? He said yes.ice in my veins. My entire body went numb.And I went through all the whys. Why? I asked. Why tell me you love me? The same man who texted, love you yesterday. Now look me dead in the eye and said, I never told you I loved you. As he twisted his lips toward the door loud enough so she could hear. I held my phone up to his face. Like I was holding a cross to a vampire proof. The proof was glowing in his face. He just sneered.That was a goodbye text. was only saying goodbye for good. Okay, then I asked, why drive me to the airport? Why try to kiss me three times? I pulled away each time. I offered to drive you as my final goodbye. And yes, I tried kissing you, but that was also a final kiss. All of it was me saying goodbye to you. I didn't want to see you anymore. As he smirked, his teeth were red from cheap wine.Lousy country music bleeding through the walls of his house. I kept asking the whys, but it was my final why, right? Why lie? Why say you wanted a future with me? Why after knowing I was putting my travel plans on hold for you, why let that happen? He just shrugged his shoulders. I want her. I'm attracted to her. She makes me happy. She makes me laugh.The knife twist even deeper. I've also been seeing other women. I'm meeting women at bars now, younger ones too. It's been nice knowing that these young, attractive women find me funny and attractive.We stood there in the cold. Maybe 10 minutes. But it felt like hours. I swear the air between us froze, and then like flipping a switch, he softened. I'm sorry, he said. It's not what you think. I do love you. She's inconsequential. You're the love of my life.Emotional whiplash, cruelty to tenderness in one breath! I just stared at him unflinching. Am I supposed to be grateful? I mean, I'm a woman. I'm a girl's girl, a mother raising daughters. And knowing you see another woman as a placeholder, that doesn't make me feel chosen. It shatters me.And in that moment, something in me did shatter, but it wasn't weakness. It was an awakening. My heart broke just enough for the truth to slip through. This wasn't love. It was warfare. Emotional whiplash so sharp, my body didn't know whether to run or to reach for him.And in that moment, standing there in the cold, I realized something important. I had never questioned my worth.See, I know he didn't choose her because she was better. He chose her because she was easy, easier and not in a disrespectful way, but because she didn't know him yet. She didn't know the truth of him. She hadn't been behind the scenes like I have for years. She hadn't been behind the charm or held up the mirror yet. With her, he could stay small, stay unexamined, stay mediocre and uncomfortable.I challenged him to rise. And when someone isn't ready to meet their own reflection, they'll always run toward what doesn't require growth. He wasn't choosing love. He was choosing comfort.And that's the moment I knew his choice had nothing to do with my value and everything to do with his capacity.Here's the medicine. All those years, he didn't just break my heart. He trained me to question my own memory, to crave the apology more than the safety, to believe words over patterns, to mistake adrenaline for passion, chaos for chemistry, volatility for love. It's a slow conditioning. Think of it like a slot machine.That machine that just keeps you pulling the lever. You're hoping each time this is the big win. And every once in a while you do, you get it. You get the big hit. Maybe a sweet text, an apology that feels genuine. A good day with them. And your brain lights up for getting all the losses in between. That's how they train you. Not through the pain, but through the unpredictable relief.That night, I felt the first crack in the training and the beginning of the unlearning. And I walked away different, not bitter, clear, not broken, awake. And now that awakening became the medicine I teach. Here's what I've learned about heartbreak. There's no shortcut through it. You can't bypass it. Numb it. Outthink it. Outsmart it.You can only walk right through it, right through the fire with your head held high and your chest out. Because pain isn't punishment. It's information. We delay healing for a variety of reasons, but the most profound is because we don't want to accept people as they are. He showed me exactly who he was from the beginning, but I kept clinging to his potential, to the fantasy that I built in my head, not the reality standing in front of me.He's apologized ad nauseam and still does, but apologies are who you want to be. Those words are who you want to be. Changed behavior is who you actually are. He said sorry 10,000 times, but he's never showed sorry once. That truth hurt, but it also freed me because the moment you stop trying to love someone's potential,You get to make space for someone who can meet your reality. That's when the unfolding begins. Not when they change, but when you do.Here's your unfolding. The door isn't here to punish you. It's here to free you. But freedom rarely feels like victory at first. It feels like loss. It sucks. It hurts. Like silence after the storm. When all you can hear is your own heartbeat asking, now what?You can ignore the door for a long time, I did. The signs were there. When their words don't match their actions. Subtle digs. Repeated betrayals. The way your body tenses every time you have to explain why you deserve to be treated better.We keep telling ourselves, if I just love harder, forgive quicker, soften more, maybe they'd meet me where I am.See, it was easy for him to lead me on, betray me, and even abandon me. Because he'd been betraying and abandoning himself for years. And there was no way that he could safely love me, because he didn't love himself. He'd been showing me for years he couldn't match my love, my energy, or my growth. That was the real test. Not to get him to change, but to stop betraying myself, to prove I was worth keeping.This was my moment to break the pattern, to end the cycle of generations of women who mistook endurance for devotion and thought loyalty meant self abandonment. And I did it. but not out of anger, but out of reverence for the woman I was becoming. That's not closure. It's evolution. It's unfolding. And nowI know what love and safety should feel like because I've cultivated it within myself. And I know that love is patient, it's kind, it's peaceful, it's consistent, and it's honest. And I'll never, ever settle for confusion again.Here's your integration practice. Do this with me. Place your hand on your heart and say this. I release the story that love has to hurt. I honor what it taught me and I'm ready to choose peace instead, and let that truth land and settle in your body. That's not the end of love. That's the beginning of freedom. That's the sound of the unfolding.I want to leave you with an affirmation today.I no longer chase potential. I believe what people show me the first time. And I trust that truth will always lead me home.Thank you for unfolding with me today. I'm Yvonne Wink, your host, friend, and maybe your mirror today. If this episode met you at your own door, share it with someone you might, or someone that you know might still be knocking on a door that no longer opens. New episodes drop every Monday. Next week, the aftershock. What happens after the collapse? After the truth lands and the dust settles. How do we begin again?But before that, have a bonus episode coming this November 11th, 11/11 at 11:11. It's a special day for intention, a portal for clarity, courage, and conscious resets. Until then, breathe deep, stay open, and keep unfolding. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

(00:15.33)Have you ever woken up one day and realized you don't even recognize the life you built? You look around and think, When did love start feeling like work? When did laughter turn into logistics? When did I start missing myself in my own story?It doesn't happen overnight. It's slow. Subtle.It happens between school drop-offs, long days at work, late night dishes. It happens between, we're fine and I'm just tired. Until one day, you're standing in a kitchen you designed together and you can't remember the last time you felt alive in it.That's where my story begins. Not in the heartbreak, not in the rebuilding, but in the quiet in between where everything still looks fine, but nothing feels right.Welcome back to the unfolding podcast. Real talk about self-discovery, healing, and what it means to come home to yourself. I'm your host, Yvonne Wink.(01:32.576)If you're new here, welcome. I'm so glad you found me. I'm so glad you found this space. And if you've been unfolding with me from the beginning, thank you. Thank you. And thank you from the bottom of my heart. I so appreciate you sharing the podcast with friends and family subscribing, liking, reposting all the DMS, the questions, the reconnections and the cheer squad backing me up. I love hearing.Thank you so much. I needed that episode. So thank you.You're the heartbeat behind every story I tell. I'll be dropping new episodes every Monday because I think the start of the week should feed your soul, not just your to-do list.Okay. Before the chaos, before the sparkle, there was quiet. Not peace. Quiet.A marriage that looked fine from the outside. Two really polite roommates, basically managing a family, a mortgage and memories. See, we didn't really fight. We just stopped trying. He wasn't cruel. He was actually really kind, steady, familiar. And we loved each other at one point. Deeply loved each other.(03:06.55)And I hope our daughters and our family who were with us during that two-decade era, I hope they always remember that part, the love.But somewhere between transplanting from Northern California to Southern California, building and designing houses, very, very small, sick, premature twins, hospital visits, stays, therapies, a busy preteen, and genuinely just surviving. We went from lovers to business partners.From dates and late-night laughter to shared calendars. From dreaming big together to negotiating who's picking up what kid and from where. Also, whoever is out, don't forget the milk.At one point, I remember thinking and probably even said it out loud, we're not even husband and wife anymore. We're co-managers of a small family business.(04:16.374)I remember back then, he was a good man. A great father. But somewhere along the way, I stopped fighting to be seen, and he stopped knowing how to see me.It wasn't dramatic or explosive, tumultuous. It was quiet.We were deeply in love. And then we weren't.(04:44.78)Our family was everything to us though. And I once believed we protected the kids from our distance. But here's the thing about silence. Children hear it louder than we do. They notice when laughter turns into logistics. They feel the distance long before it's named. They watch two people who used to reach for each other move like politeStrangers kindly walking through the hallway.I used to tell myself we were holding it together for them. That keeping things steady, well that was love. That maybe a calm household even without connection was enough.But I've learned something since then. When love becomes performance, everyone's acting. And no one, especially our children, can thrive on pretend peace.Sometimes what we call stability and safety is really just fear of change. And that quiet tension, it seeps into everything. The air, the dinner table, the way our kids learn to love. Because even when we think they're not watching, they are. And one day they grow up and call that blueprint normal.(06:22.946)They start navigating love by the map they inherited. Believing distance is safety and silence means peace.(06:36.032)Someone once said, this has stuck with me since, it's better for children to come from a broken home than to live in one. And I understand that now.When I look back, I see it clearly. He went quiet and I went still. My nervous system froze. I called it keeping the peace, but really it was me disappearing.You've heard of fight or flight, but there are four survival responses. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. We'll get into fawn a little later.When the body senses danger, emotional or physical, we don't choose how we respond. Our nervous systems do. It's primal, ancient, automatic, wired for survival, not harmony. Fight. You push back, you raise your voice, you tighten your grip, because if you can control something, maybe it won't all fall apart.Flight. You run, you book it. Not always lacing up and running out the door. Sometimes you run into busyness. You clean. You over-organize. Overwork. You fix. Or doom scroll. Anything to avoid sitting still long enough to feel what actually hurts. Freeze. You go quiet.(08:15.234)Your body hits pause, stop, bleep, nothing. Your words vanish. You go numb.It's not weakness. It's your body saying, this is too much, too fast. Let's survive this first. And fawn. This may be a new one for you.You acquiesce, smooth things over. You make everyone else feel comfortable so you don't risk disconnection. You call it being the bigger person, but it's fear dressed up as kindness. And if you're anything like me, you don't just specialize in one, you cross-train. I fought to be heard, convinced that if I just explained it better,Maybe even in multiple languages or various volumes, he'd understand me. Maybe if I allowed a few tears to stream, he'd have empathy.And when that failed, I fled into busyness. was the PTA prez, the cheer mom, the cheer coach, because fixing everything else was easier than feeling how lonely it had become. And I also froze, mistaking silence for peace. When really it was the sound of me disappearing. And when even that didn't work, I fond, softened my edges, swallowed my needs.(09:51.254)wants and desires and became the version of me that kept the peace even when the peace cost me myself.(10:04.866)That's what happens when love turns to survival.You start negotiating with your own voice just to keep a connection. Those aren't personality flaws. They're trauma responses. The body's language for I'm scared.(10:27.82)You don't need a chaotic childhood to carry them. Maybe you shut down during conflict. Maybe you stay too long in a draining career, friendship, draining partnership. Or like me, maybe you over explain to people who've already stopped listening and are dead set and believing what they want about you.This isn't drama. It's dysregulation. Your body has been braced for impact for so long, it forgets what safety feels like.That's what quiet survival looks like. You don't explode. You adapt.(11:17.152)I come from strong women. Women who built worlds out of scraps, carried generations on their backs, and still seasoned a pot of pozole until the whole neighborhood came running. Those of you who were blessed to enjoy my mama's cooking, you know, you know. These women, they prayed hard and they worked even harder.And somehow kept everyone else alive on fumes and faith. Their strength didn't just hold families together, it saved them.(11:58.35)But I didn't realize until much later that I inherited their armor too. I learned early that love was beautiful and desirable and I wanted it, but I learned that it was unreliable.Strength was celebrated. Strong, independent, I can do it myself women. Celebrated. Which is great. However, I also learned softness was dangerous. Vulnerability, don't do it.So I built walls that looked like boundaries and I wore self-reliance like jewelry.Listen, I still honor each one of those women, every single one of them. I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't be the woman I am and survived what I survived if it weren't for each of them. But I understand that that same armor that once kept us safe also kept tenderness out.They taught me how to survive. And I had to teach myself how to stay open once I felt safe.(13:18.732)That armor didn't just shape how I loved men, it shaped how I trusted anyone. Even in friendship, I stayed guarded. Now, I love deeply and fiercely, and everyone knows I'm a vault. I always have been. You tell me a secret, it's coming with me to the grave. I'm just envisioning all my girlfriends like taking a collective sigh.Who knows? Who knows with me? But the reality is I understand this. I've got two switches. I either love you with my entire mind, body, soul, and every ounce and fiber of my being with my entire whole chest, or I have absolutely no idea who you are anymore. And I'm working on that part, the middle ground. Still, I love deeply.But from a distance. A safety buffer I didn't even know I'd built. That lineage of strength, it ran deep. And sometimes it made me lonely because when you're built for survival, it's hard to trust softness, even in friendship. Some of the women I met in that season mirrored that same energy. We were armored souls recognizing each other, trying to connect, but never fully exhaling.It wasn't that they were bad people or we were bad friends. We were all just doing our best, loving from behind our walls. And when those walls finally cracked, it hurt.Because it's not just the person you lose. It's the version of you, of yourself. You were when you felt seen.(15:14.644)Still, I am a lucky gal. I've got my ride or dies, my village, my cousin Monica, sister, best friend, everything. She's my attorney. She's everything. I got all my girls from back home, the women who have stayed through every version of me. We've been in each other's weddings, poured wine and cried and celebrated too over our divorces. We've buried our parents.And children and my locals too. The ones that dragged me out of my house. They crack jokes, even at my expense and cast a few spells on some people who deserved it. Kidding. Mostly. But more importantly, the ones who remind me who I am when I forget I'd be lost without them. Okay. Apologies. I went on a friend tangent right there. It's just reminiscing about my friends. Back to the story here. Okay. Here we go.So, okay, when someone came along who finally saw through the armor, it felt holy. Like the universe, God, that which is greater, whatever you believe, it felt like they were offering a do-over. He said all the right things. He paid attention, close attention. He made me laugh, really laugh.For the first time in a long time. And I remember thinking, maybe this is what love's supposed to feel like.But my body wasn't recognizing love. It was recognizing intensity.(16:59.244)That's how drama trauma bonding begins. It's not the pain that hooks you. It's the relief, the familiarity, the rush of being seen after years of invisibility. The brain loves that rush. The amygdala, you know, the tiny little almond-shaped part of your brain right behind your eyes. Yeah. Well, that fires like a smoke alarm and scanning for danger.And when you've lived through chaos, it sometimes gets confused. Familiar starts to feel safe, even when it's not. Now, add a scoop of dopamine, the brain's feel-good reward chemical for intensity, and suddenly your nervous system mistakes chaos for connection. You're not addicted to the pain. You're addicted to the relief.(17:58.296)Here's my unfolding moment. I didn't fall for him because I was broken. I fell because I was tired. I was tired of holding everything and everybody together. And for a moment, I thought I could exhale.And when you've carried yourself for decades, that feels like salvation. Sometimes the people who notice your cracks aren't meant to fix them. They're there to reveal where the light still needs to get in.No, it wasn't all illusion. There was some connection, especially for me. There was laughter, chemistry, and real moments that mattered.But it was also a mirror showing me where I was still healing. Because the parts of us we hide to survive, they never disappear. They wait for a moment, a person that feels safe enough to surface.And when that safe place suddenly shifts, those parts cry out, please don't abandon me again.(19:14.274)That's not weakness. That's your body remembering disconnection and asking for a different ending this time. That's trauma bonding. The nervous system mistaking survival for love. It's not weakness. It's wiring and wiring can be rewritten because real healing isn't closing the book. It's not closing the chapter on your past and forgetting about it. It's opening it up.It's rereading your story with compassion this time. And it's saying, I see why I stayed. I see why I look the other way. I see why I tolerated so much. I understand what I needed. And I choose differently now.(20:03.128)Today's medicine for you. Maybe the sparkle wasn't deception. Maybe it was information. A mirror showing me the places I was still starving. For rest, for tenderness, for proof that I mattered. The medicine is simple, but not easy.You don't have to carry shame for what you didn't know. Stop shaming your hunger. It was never wrong to want to be seen. It just became dangerous when you kept reaching out for hands that only took.When you learn to give yourself what you've been chasing, validation, safety, love, care, calm, peace, the sparkle, well, the sparkle stops being a trap and it becomes a choice. A light you carry, not one you beg for.(21:06.038)If this story resonated, take a breath.You're not behind. You're just remembering your rhythm. Maybe you're not in the rubble anymore, but you're in reconstruction, sorting what's real, what's habit and what still belongs. Remember, you don't have to rush to fix it. Just get curious. Ask what part of me still believes love has to be earned and what would it look like to let love simply arrive?(21:41.976)Here's your journal prompt. Get out your journals or answer the question with me silently.When was the last time you felt safe enough to exhale? And what would help you feel that way again with yourself?(22:02.328)Here's your integration. I want you to try this sometime today, maybe right now or after this episode ends, but for sure before you go to bed. I want you to place one hand over your heart, just connect with your heartbeat. And I want you to say, I'm not chasing safety anymore. I'm learning to be it.Let it land.That's the beginning of self-trust. I want to leave you with a little affirmation each week. So you're welcome for that. Today's affirmation, I don't chase peace anymore. I create it. Say it with me. Even if it's just a whisper, that's how you start to rewire your story.Thank you for unfolding with me. I'm your host, Yvonne Wink. Remember, you're not starting over, you're unfolding right on time into everything you were always meant to be. If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might be holding their armor too tightly. Remember, new episodes drop every Monday and next week we're going to the door.(23:19.0)Bring some wine and popcorn. You're gonna need it. The moment everything shattered and the truth that was waiting on the other side. Until then, keep unfolding. Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Yvonne Wink at theunfoldingpodcast.substack.com/subscribe