The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck

The chair shortage continues in Bootstuck as Caleb stays busy chopping wood for a community bonfire meant to welcome the heavenly arrival of "Von Scott." Along the way, the conversation wanders into zoology, where giraffes, salamanders, and several questionable species are discussed with complete confidence and very little science.Things get even stranger when the topic turns to medication, revealing Bootstuck's unique approach to health and wellness involving Flintstones vitamins and questionable life choices. By the end, a new favorite word—"fascinating"—has been added to the community vocabulary, and another perfectly ordinary conversation descends into complete nonsense.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Bootstuck prepares for a very special visitor when the residents become convinced that "Mr. Universe" himself—better known as Arnold Schwarzenegger—is coming to town. What starts as a discussion about closing doors and keeping Jonathan Frakes out quickly spirals into megaphone-based celebrity invitations, secret Californian knowledge, and a mysterious figure apparently falling from the sky.As Arnie's arrival becomes increasingly certain, the townsfolk debate what wisdom to seek from their guest, quote action movies as life advice, and somehow conclude that Arnold has brought banana protein muffins to Bootstuck. Unfortunately, one of the muffins may also contain a bullet. By the end, the visit is declared a success, the diamond table gets expanded with a leaf, and the community gathers to celebrate another perfectly normal day in Bootstuck.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A simple trip to pick up supplies turns into another classic Bootstuck adventure as directions become optional, shopping lists become negotiable, and nobody seems entirely sure where they're going. While attempting to gather essentials like butter and eggs, the conversation quickly drifts into gravy inventories, mysterious ingredients, and the discovery that someone may have accidentally mixed cement into the town's food supply.As the shopping list grows stranger—with requests ranging from century eggs and durian to spaghetti-flavoured ice cream—concerns arise that Dave might transform dessert into another of his artistic projects. Meanwhile, a large machine with an impressive moving arm captures everyone's attention, proving once again that almost anything can derail a conversation in Bootstuck.By the end, reminders have been forgotten, re-reminded, and forgotten again, Jimmy is apparently flying a bombing mission nearby, and the original grocery run is no closer to completion than when it started.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

What begins with a loud bang and fears of the apocalypse quickly turns into another perfectly normal day in Bootstuck: old ladies crashing into buildings, philosophical discussions about black holes, and a town-wide effort to secretly redistribute excess snow under cover of darkness. Between warnings about being stretched apart in space, debates over the ideal Christmas color palette, and deeply confusing traffic logic, the hosts attempt to make sense of a world where every street goes “both ways” and arrows are more of a suggestion than a rule. The episode finally derails into an impromptu musical performance about a one-way street that apparently isn’t one-way at all—complete with sesame seeds and increasingly desperate pleas for it to stop.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A simple attempt to discuss “ideas that make sense” quickly collapses into a Bootstuck philosophy: if it doesn’t make money, why bother making sense at all? This sparks a wildly misguided dive into nonprofits (or “no profits”), leading to a charity built entirely around collecting scrap metal… somehow resulting in wheelchairs, though no one is quite sure how—or for whom. As logic continues to unravel, the conversation veers into government relations (limited to a mysterious “King of Canada”), homemade ocean hockey using frozen moose poop, and finally, a high-speed experiment in aviation involving a leaf blower, a broomstick, and a man named Caleb. By the end, Caleb has launched himself into the sky as a “quick witch” and vanished, prompting Bootstuck’s most casual search party yet—complete with drinks, clapping, and very low expectations of success.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A strange noise sparks a deeply confusing (and possibly supernatural?) discussion about Philip—a long-missing Bootstuck resident who may or may not still be wandering around carrying random objects and smelling up the back-back-back woods. As the hosts try to piece together Philip’s timeline (pre-plane, pre-everyone, possibly pre-logic), they uncover a bigger mystery: Shed #14 has vanished… along with its highly questionable contents. Between shouting out windows, accidental public confessions, and a philosophical breakdown of “Depeche Mode” (or dessert toppings), the episode spirals into classic Bootstuck chaos—ending with unresolved questions about Philip, missing sheds, and who exactly is watering the chickens.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A bizarre car commercial leads into a discussion about Bootstuck’s newest vehicle: a peanut-shaped car supposedly bought from Mr. Peanut and powered by decidedly non-almond fuel.Elsewhere, credit cards are applied for via the “social media flyer” and mailed off as paper airplanes, while a new town fitness initiative is led by someone named Jim… or possibly the concept of a gym itself.With an amusement park in the works and “sticky things” on the horizon, Bootstuck continues evolving in its own uniquely confusing way — always ready to welcome visitors, provided they can find it.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A discussion about proper plumbing quickly unravels into a full-blown Bootstuck renovation crisis, as the town debates the future of its deeply questionable bathroom setup — including a permanently yellow “formerly white” toilet rug and a carpeted seat that may or may not be worth saving for winter.With no real oversight beyond the self-appointed Arts and Craft Council (comprised entirely of the people having the conversation), plans shift toward rebuilding everything out of wood — whether practical or not. As usual, practical concerns spiral into something else entirely, touching on failed cleaning efforts, suspect mushroom consumption, and the realization that local “security” is more decorative than effective.By the end, attention drifts toward erosion problems and urgent repairs at the beaver dam, proving once again that in Bootstuck, even the simplest fix — like turning off the water — is easier said than done.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

This week’s call to Bootstuck begins with a surprisingly large audience gathered to listen in — though most of them quietly leave through the back door before being counted. Conversation turns to local cuisine, including a house mustard recipe featuring red dirt, pine clover, and enough mystery spice to apparently represent half of Asia.Plans are also underway for the next big Bootstuck reunion, where traditional games include egg-on-a-spoon races and the slightly less traditional sport of water balloons, darts, and minor burns. Safety, the town insists, is taken seriously — thanks to a three-member safety committee consisting entirely of fence posts wearing yellow vests.Meanwhile, Bootstuck’s law enforcement system is revealed to be a collection of toy badges from a drop box and a shared understanding that most crimes are simply “relocation.” With only two chairs in town — bookable in advance — there isn’t much worth stealing anyway.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A routine call to Bootstuck quickly turns into a tour of the town’s rapidly expanding art scene. With Caleb busy hanging pictures “upside down but sideways,” it’s revealed that Bootstuck has recently welcomed an artist — and the results are… unconventional. Caleb’s latest project involves painting the outside view on the inside walls of the house and the inside of the house on the outside, creating what may be either a groundbreaking artistic statement or a logistical nightmare.Elsewhere in town, artistic expression flourishes in many forms: Dave’s spaghetti sculptures, handcrafted beaded bracelets, and a series of increasingly confusing pictures of pictures. Plans are also underway for a full Bootstuck art show featuring “artisanals and art facts,” though organizers remain wary of one very enthusiastic attendee known only as Waving Tony.As usual, the cultural boom raises more questions than answers — but in Bootstuck, that’s generally considered a sign that things are going well.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A noticeable drop in “whoops” leads to the revelation that Dave’s bout of whooping cough forced a temporary ban on celebratory noises — and some very questionable problem-solving methods. Bootstuck turns its attention to spring entertainment, including a seatless bicycle race through the forest and ongoing recruitment efforts to lure visitors north using a maze of travel instructions and social media flyers.Local “discoveries” include dream-inducing mushrooms, mood-enhancing campfire plants, and pine sap breakfast enhancements, all presented as perfectly normal community developments. Amid grand ambitions to finally get Bootstuck on the map, the conversation drifts from accidental wisdom to indoor plumbing confusion — ending, as always, with abrupt goodbyes and unfinished plans.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Tape 65 kicks off with excitement over an incoming Dropbox delivery, triggered into action by a green flag that probably means “go.” Spring maintenance follows, including rotating the tires on Dave’s car — which hasn’t moved — with a confident “half quarter turn.”Bootstuck (now officially rebranded as “The Stuck”) also unveils its next big attraction: a travel show where visitors are blindfolded, spun around, and released somewhere in town or the woods. Along the way, Georgian renovations are revealed to belong to a man named Georgia, “words of wisdom” go missing, and the town’s long-avoided location is finally confirmed — very far north in Ontario, about thirty hours from anything.The tape ends mid-conversation, as clarity briefly visits The Stuck before drifting off again.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

When asked a simple question about rain, Bootstuck responds the only way it knows how: with large-scale tarp engineering and aggressively sticky-tacked grocery bags. Why spend $800 on a rain shell when you can fashion one from leftover Piggly Wiggly plastic and optimism? Spring has arrived, which means it’s time to string up old military tarps between trees, relocate the outhouse five feet to the left (or left), and reconsider the town’s 72-foot-deep sewage strategy.Along the way we meet Ricky Martin — possibly a ferret, definitely a little rickety — debate the true meaning of “infrastructure” (apparently a tall chair), and reserve time at Bootstuck’s exclusive seven-by-twenty-two-foot beach. Footwear innovation also reaches new heights with the invention of “sandless” sandals: a Kleenex box you simply step into. Waterproofing, waste management, and weather preparedness have never been handled with less concern and more confidence.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Tape 63 begins with an earnest attempt to advocate for dark matter, quickly pivoting into a passionate defense of Pluto, now rebranded as “Dwarfy,” a misunderstood ice dwarf traveling the wrong way and apparently deserving emotional support. A surprise interruption by Neil deGrasse Tyson does little to clarify matters, as Pluto’s size, temperature, and relationship to the sun are debated with mixed metaphors and diminishing patience.Back on Earth, attention turns to Bootstuck’s latest infrastructure project: a public bus that doesn’t move. Inspired by Into the Wild, the town has placed a lightly painted blue bus deep in the woods to attract tourists, photos, and eventually souvenirs, population growth, better education, and—if all goes well—a Walmart. The plan hinges on recirculated social media flyers, a possible air show, and the assumption that people will simply find the bus. The episode concludes with preparations to “gather around,” a boot-lace prank, and a final word of wisdom delivered under extreme urgency.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Tape 62 opens with a discussion of silliness that quickly spirals into confusion over string, strength, and a much-anticipated “stripper” coming to town—revealed to be strictly for removing paint, not clothing. From there, spring preparations begin in earnest, including plans to repaint fallen leaves and reattach them to trees with Caleb’s help, sometime between now and mid-May.Seasonal activities in Bootstuck include off-leash Caleb time, group “adventure rallies” involving shouting in the woods, and the long-awaited arrival of a mapmaker who may or may not be able to find the town. Elsewhere, major cultural developments unfold: mint inside chocolate, an inconvenience store that sells nothing useful, and pretzels that are generously de-salted by hand. The episode ends with geographic clarifications about rivers, lakes, and the continued absence of ships.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Tape 61 begins as a rambling voicemail about making a very urgent personal decision, before veering into a rescue operation involving a lost baby raccoon, an upside-down milk container, and Caleb acting as both lookout and chair. Along the way, concerns are raised about Caleb’s homemade cigarettes, soup sandwiches, and whether bagels are named for what they are or the bags they come in.The conversation drifts into ambitious plans to grow sesame “trees” across Bootstuck following a small fire, guided by a “blueprint” that turns out to be a faded Green Day t-shirt. The episode closes with reflections on color, music, and landscape, landing on the conclusion that while the plans may be questionable, Bootstuck could definitely use more music.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

In this episode, Bootstuck checks off another major cultural milestone after finally finishing Who’s the Boss—though it takes some time to determine whether the title refers to the vacuum man, the working woman, or the elderly authority figure who “likes a lot of sex and tells everybody what to do.” Confident they’ve solved it, the group prepares to move on to Perfect Strangers, pluralized for safety.The conversation shifts to springtime and snow removal, which in Bootstuck does not involve shovels, blowers, or common sense. Instead, Caleb has been personally eliminating the snow by warming it in his hands and blowing on it until it turns to water. This method is defended as both scientific and superior, since shovels only relocate snow and create “bigger piles,” which solves nothing.From there, the episode detours into one of Bootstuck’s most important information systems: the social media flyer. Rather than being printed locally, the flyer simply blows into town—preferably as a double-pager—and is mounted on Bill’s board for communal reading. Its contents are loosely interpreted, sometimes invented, and then loudly explained to anyone nearby. This is how Bootstuck learns about hardware sales, global weather events, rumored Britney Spears concerts, and—most urgently—the approaching blueberry season.As the interviewer slowly realizes these flyers may just be newspapers drifting in from Somewhere Else, distance itself becomes questionable, measured not in miles but in “sixteen songs and a cigarette.” By the end of the tape, Bootstuck remains proudly informed, wildly inaccurate, and fully dependent on the wind to keep them up to date.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

The episode opens with a chaotic voicemail and quickly spirals into a very Bootstuck conversation about frozen rivers, rubber-banding birds to make them quieter, and the town’s proudly nonsensical “fish maze.” As the caller tries (and fails) to get a coherent answer from Bootstuck’s resident rambler, the discussion veers into Valentine’s Day preparations, including a contest involving hearts hidden around town — some carved, some hung, some written in the snow in ways that probably shouldn’t be encouraged.In the middle of this already-crumbling dialogue, the caller learns that Bootstuck is preparing for a major celebrity arrival: the pop artist Lorde, who they believe is visiting the township next week. The town is scrambling to “Jimmy up” the billboard in her honor, though no one seems certain who Jimmy is, where Bill went, or why any of this is happening. As the confusion deepens — involving a 14-foot door that scares rabbits and the mystery of “holes in the wall near your knees” — the call ends the only way Bootstuck calls ever can: suddenly, chaotically, and with the caller begging for it to stop.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

This tape begins as an attempt to discuss traffic conditions in Bootstuck and immediately collapses into a strange meditation on Dave’s “back 40,” which turns out not to be land at all, but a graveyard of empty bottles and 14 immobile cars. Before the conversation can gain any structure, Jonathan Frakes drunkenly bursts into the recording, mutters something unintelligible, and disappears—an event the Bootstuck resident barely acknowledges before resuming his ramble. From there, the narrator is dragged through a baffling tour of Bootstuck infrastructure: snow-rubbing for warmth, a DIY sewage system powered by four milkshake straws, and a workforce consisting almost entirely of one overburdened and exploding Caleb. The transcript ends on a chillingly casual promise that another plane crash would really help boost local commerce.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

In this tape, two residents attempt to solve problems they clearly do not understand, beginning with the collapse of the township’s food supply and spiraling into Dave’s catastrophic “shed incident” involving a porcupine, several gallons of maple syrup, and far too much confidence. What follows is a wandering, deeply unhelpful conversation covering toilet paper hoarding, black licorice optimism, dangerous transportation ideas, and a revolutionary invention meant to help men fake childbirth empathy. As usual, nothing is resolved and everything somehow gets worse.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

This tape opens with what sounds like a cheap local radio ad for World of Bowling — a chaotic pitch about “hard or soft balls” that fades into a conversation so derailed it feels like a hallucination in real time. The interviewer tries to talk about bowling, but in Bootstuck, “bowling” apparently involves rolling people down a hill and occasionally throwing Caleb at the problem.From there, the discussion drifts through roosters in boxes, gardens full of “purple kush lilacs,” and the revelation that Bootstuck’s solution to its drug problem was to simply give everyone the drugs. The town is reportedly “under wraps,” which seems to mean “hallucinating together.” Soon, people are catching stars, walking on their hands, and opening metaphorical — and literal — “polka dot doors.”By the time the tape winds down, reality itself begins to blur. A looping fragment of the conversation dissolves into a strange, hypnotic song — a patchwork of sampled voices, laughter, and background noise that feels like it’s being transmitted from inside a mushroom cloud. It’s impossible to tell where the music starts or the talking ends, but it evokes the unsettling, kaleidoscopic drift of Pink Floyd’s “Brain Damage.”The result is one of Bootstuck’s most disorienting and strangely beautiful recordings — a descent into the township’s collective, psychedelic mind.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

The tape begins with a voicemail — a jumble of static, mumbling, and the distinct sound of someone explaining how to “fix” a cassette with a pencil and a wiggle. From there, the conversation slides straight into Bootstuck logic: juice made from pinecones, acorns, and possibly corn itself.Soon the townsfolk are preoccupied with a new community effort — putting up lost cat posters around town. The posters, placed two feet high so the missing feline might “see them,” are an act of optimism more than strategy. From there, talk turns to the township’s new “no passing” rule — not for vehicles, but for joints — and the alleged health benefits of mushroom gravy breakfasts.The episode closes on a high-minded note as Bootstuck’s residents describe their scientific testing methods: paper, pencils, and a race down a hill to see whose “results” travel farthest. The conclusion? Science, like most things in Bootstuck, is mostly guesswork.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Bootstuck receives another baffling shipment — one that somehow contains blank coins with holes, six violins (or possibly chair parts), an unidentified handled object, and an alarming number of beans. Between coughing up a real frog mid-conversation and debating how to “screw violins together,” the townsfolk attempt to make sense of their new supplies. They even claim to have a refrigerator — though it doesn’t run and functions mostly as a bookshelf.Somewhere between food safety and symphony, the group plans to teach the township how to identify edible mushrooms, a noble idea given how often everyone seems to be poisoned. The call ends with their usual abrupt sign-off ritual, and the faint sense that Bootstuck might just survive another day — on beans alone.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A confused caller accidentally goes live on the air and immediately loses his composure, setting the tone for another chaotic dispatch from Bootstuck. Between jam jars, smoke-filled air, and impromptu fire dances, the locals’ musical ambitions get derailed by missing spoons, homemade concerts, and a mysterious old man who may—or may not—have threatened someone’s life. When the tape recorder clicks on, we hear the chilling voice of a stranger offering a pocket rummage before the narrator bolts in panic and joy at once.It’s unclear whether Bootstuck has been visited by danger, absurdity, or both—but one thing’s certain: someone’s got a pocket full of something, and it’s probably not candy.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A torrential downpour hits Bootstuck, and the townsfolk treat it like an Olympic event. Our narrator excitedly describes his tactical methods for “dodging raindrops” and “putting out buckets,” before proudly announcing the formation of a brand-new body of water—Bootstuck Lake—created (apparently) by the rain itself. In between weather reports, Hat Guy makes a slippery return after tumbling down the stairs on a pile of sports magazines no one can read. These glossy imports inspire a new community initiative: recreating cricket and other foreign sports using cut-out pictures and Bristol board enthusiasm.By the time a conversation about picnics (“Pick Nick!”) devolves into existential confusion about lakes, Savannah, and the proper number of sticks one man can hold, Bootstuck feels less like a town and more like a surreal weather report broadcast from the edge of reason.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

In this installment, the documenteur’s patience continues to erode as Bootstuck introduces yet another baffling innovation: the Personal Walking Association (or “PWA”). According to the locals, it’s an organized fitness initiative led by a man named Uber who walks people around “places.” Membership numbers stretch into the millions, and no one seems entirely sure what it’s for — except that it involves walking, sometimes sideways, and occasionally into trees.From there, the topic of physical fitness meanders into Bootstuck’s unique exercise regimen: jumping over ropes that don’t move, kettlebells that don’t ring, and Halloween celebrations that occur the night before the night before Halloween. The documenteur, valiantly trying to keep up, finds himself listening to debates about dinner bells that no longer “ding” and movie productions that exist only in poster form.By the time the conversation veers into a hopeful plan to film an “action-packed romance mystery” in a town that no one can actually find, silence briefly descends—only for the Bootstuck air itself to begin cracking and popping, blamed alternately on weather, ice, or Dave Braun’s backside. The documenteur ends the tape no closer to understanding anything, except perhaps that silence in Bootstuck is never truly silent.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

The documenteur, once again hanging by a thread of patience, tries to have a reasonable conversation while the residents of Bootstuck crawl around town “looking for scraps” and debating the difference between beets and beats. What begins as small talk about sore knees quickly dissolves into confusion about dance parties, water suppliers named River, and the discovery of Bootstuck’s newest local celebrity — Waving Tony, a man whose entire existence revolves around the art of waving.Tony waves at everyone and everything, sometimes so fast it’s unclear whether he has one arm or four. The documenteur’s attempts to understand him — or anything — are met with Bootstuck’s signature logic: “Even when he’s not waving, he’s still Waving Tony.”The conversation somehow spins further into news of a new “travel show,” which involves blindfolding participants, spinning them around, and abandoning them somewhere in the woods — Bootstuck’s idea of tourism. Amidst the chaos, a revelation emerges at last: the Bootstuck crew let slip that they’re actually in Ontario, a fact that sends the weary documenteur into near disbelief. After twelve weeks of uncertainty, he finally gets a concrete answer… only for the phone cord to cut out immediately afterward.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

The documenteur once again attempts to establish a thread of logic in Bootstuck, only to be derailed immediately by talk of sleep aids — ranging from chamomile tea to the rather more concerning chloroform and carbon monoxide. Dave, it seems, has been missing for six weeks, but nobody’s alarmed; apparently, he was just “sleeping under a tree."When pressed about education in Bootstuck, the locals reveal their belief that everyone simply “comes with the knowledge,” meaning there are no schools, just an ever-growing pool of collective half-knowledge. The documenteur, visibly exasperated, tries to pivot toward nighttime — only to be informed that Bootstuck “gets night at nighttime, when it’s most popular.”As if things weren’t disorienting enough, the tape ends with an abrupt advertisement for “Fizz” — a fizzy drink available in flavors like “black and white” and “bird’s eye” — leaving both the documenteur and the listener wondering whether they’ve stumbled into Bootstuck’s commercial break or its collective hallucination.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

The recording begins with confusion over who’s actually speaking—Dave has stepped away to rescue yet another burned pot of porridge, leaving the conversation in the hands of Hat Guy. What follows is an increasingly unhelpful brainstorming session about Post-it notes. Dave has been scattering them across fields, hoping the mysterious “Dropbox guy” might deliver peanuts. Suggestions arise that maybe, instead of begging for legumes, they could use the notes to ask where they actually are. Caleb is promptly assigned to line up the stickies into a giant field-wide message.From there, matters only worsen. The townsfolk proudly explain their method of bottling water in the well itself, forcing anyone thirsty to rappel forty feet down. A basket-and-rope system is dismissed outright as too complicated. The sheds of Bootstuck also come under discussion: there’s the “two by four” shed (literally two feet by four feet), the massive hangar-like shed, and, of course, the “shed shed”—a shed specifically designed to store other sheds, mostly to keep the squirrels out.By the end of the tape, the documenteur audibly falters, questioning the point of it all. The patience that once carried him through tales of waving systems and porridge disasters is beginning to fray. Bootstuck, it seems, is not just an archive of absurdity—it’s a test of endurance.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

This tape drifts between nonsense poetry, snack offerings, and unexpected town updates, stitched together by interference and interruptions. It opens with a ramble about dandelions, wishes, and snow cones, before a voice insists on offering the interviewer a peanut butter sandwich through the radio. Things derail into complaints about “wave and Tony,” which is either a person, a product, or both, depending on when you tune in.The chaos continues: Bootstuck now boasts a Gary Pointing System (GPS), where a man named Gary literally tells you which way to go. Dave is concussed from a Black Friday sale gone wrong. Jerry the man and Jerry the dog have been rebranded for clarity. Toilets are being formally christened as Jonathan. And Timmy has opened a donut shop specializing in sprinkle-covered “celebration balls.”The tape closes on the town’s latest innovation — Even Waving Tony, a method for standardized greetings where no one waves too much or too little. It’s democracy, Bootstuck-style: chaotic, confusing, and covered in sprinkles.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Another one from the Sudbury box that reads like half a weather report and half a late-night infomercial. It begins with someone solemnly tuned to the “hot chocolate channel,” explaining how to make your cocoa the exact temperature you desire — and, when it cools, how to rescue it with a scoop of something Bootstuck calls hotener. Caleb is dispatched to “boil up another pot” while the rest of the room debates whether a glass will do the job.The day turns stranger fast. Background noise (a “ruffle kerfuffle”) and what sound like two old ladies trading barbs bleed into a description of the morning: the speaker claims the sky was on fire, the woods briefly glowing red, then the birds coming out and singing in a language no one else understands. Our narrator’s job is revealed—self-appointed weather tracker and jacket-adviser for a town where everyone owns one jacket, so his utility is, at best, ceremonial.Food and ritual thread through the tape: gravy with optional hotener becomes breakfast, and the idea of sipping medicinalized beverages is treated as perfectly ordinary. The recording collapses into familiar Bootstuck chaos — insults, a demand to “kick my ass,” and someone yelling they have to make coffee and toast — leaving the listener less informed than when they started, but oddly hungry and a little warmer for it.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Bootstuck begins the day with a greeting both dramatic and obvious: “Here I am. Look at my face eyes.” From there, the conversation turns lunar. The townsfolk celebrate the moon depending on its fullness—full moons get full howls, half moons get hoots, and cloudy nights simply mean supper. This tradition, naturally, comes from a wild dog.Dinner is also a focus, thanks to the arrival of 72 cans of dinosaur soup. The red-sauced noodles shaped like brontosauruses and spiky dinosaurs quickly become the new staple, though the question remains whether a brontosaurus tastes different from, say, a camel-shaped cracker.Between meals and moonlight, Bootstuck’s radios start pulling in mysterious commercials, including one particularly insistent ad for “Ributon” or maybe “Rabutol,” promising to cure tiredness with suspicious zeal. The cross-talk raises questions about whether they’re speaking to the outside world or just another misfired frequency.Finally, the town hints at its next big ambition: “Building Bootstuck”—a television program to document their expansion, exposure, and maybe even notoriety. Press is press, after all, and in Bootstuck there’s no such thing as bad publicity.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Spring stirs something in Bootstuck, and apparently that something is an ocean under construction. What began as a single hole, diligently filled with Caleb’s 17 buckets of water, has now become a civic engineering project—one bucket per week until the town achieves “ocean status.” Skeptics suggest it’s more of a pond, but optimism prevails.In equally practical fashion, the locals have invented short pants by cutting long ones in half, rotating them daily so that nobody has to fully commit to shorts or trousers. “Pants is pants is pants,” after all.A sudden burst of applause interrupts, revealing the town-wide enthusiasm for Sacky Mac, a game involving chasing down a man named Mac and trying to stuff him into a sack. Cheers are mandatory, orchids are breathed upon, and Elvis—always Elvis—sings, fights, dances, and, inevitably, falls in love.From there, the conversation drifts into top hats (“aren’t they all top hats, since you wear them on top?”), mistaken identity (a man endlessly confused with someone named Ted), and Bootstuck’s laissez-faire approach to airport management—whoever’s around that day is in charge. No flights today, but by Saturday two “whirlybirds” are expected to arrive as part of their spring migration. These aren’t helicopters, mind you, but flap-flapping, squiggly-tailed creatures that apparently choose Bootstuck as a seasonal stopover.The episode closes with the promise of contact—though whether with machines, birds, or simply more buckets of water, remains uncertain.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

This week in Bootstuck, a new civic initiative is announced: treasure chests filled with nickels and notes will be hidden around town, doubling as both a wishing well and a municipal mystery. Meanwhile, preparations are underway for a “cake show,” featuring Gerald popping out of one, Caleb baking another, and Dave inevitably producing something spaghetti-shaped.The town also attempts a census by slapping numbered sticky notes on people’s heads—accuracy optional. And as winter ends, the community embraces “nude racing” through the sugar bush, a spring ritual that is apparently faster than skidoos, shinier than Dave’s new spools, and only slightly less confusing than the crossed transmission of a Torontonian hog who lays eggs.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Bootstuck continues its grand tradition of opening businesses that should not exist. Fish Beach, the town’s only two-fish restaurant, is thriving thanks to its “hooking parties,” while Tongues and Toes — the shoe-store-coffee-house hybrid that once served cups of Joe’s literal ashes — is finally closing its doors. (Don’t worry, the locals are going back to drinking gravy.)The conversation drifts to childhood snacks (wagon wheels, children — same thing), oddly colored elbows, and Bootstuck’s unusual take on pharmacy services. At Dave’s Dependency Depot, you can get everything from red licorice to Viagra, depending on Dave’s mood and availability. No one’s worried about addiction because, as the caller insists, “everybody’s doing it.”A nap may be the only safe prescription.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

The latest tape finds our documenter once again baffled by Bootstuck’s cast of interrupters, half-formed ideas, and curious definitions of everyday life.It begins with a supposed “hat guy” sighting, quickly derailed by a newcomer who can’t open his mouth more than a finger-width. From there, the conversation slides into a burned kettle story, the philosophy of “smart ass” versus “dumb ass,” and a failed attempt to pin the label on Steven.Dave is caught walking on a treadmill—not for health, but apparently because he refuses to buy darker clothing. He’s also hoping to whiten his teeth, though the advice he receives is to simply get a tan. Meanwhile, a mysterious strain of “poker music” plays in the background, connected to a very peculiar card game that involves shuffling but somehow keeps all the cards in place.The main event, however, is an upcoming Bootstuck barbecue, which no one in town seems to have ever held before. Jerry prepares by licking plates clean (despite a noticeable wobble in his walk), while anticipation builds around the arrival of Barb from Yonder—who will allegedly line everyone up and ask questions. Whether this is a community gathering, a ritual, or a square dance audition remains uncertain, but the Bootstuck crew seem delighted either way.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Tape 40 opens with an image that’s equal parts slapstick and unsettling: Caleb, attempting what he calls “skywalking,” ties his shoelaces around his hands until he can’t breathe, only to be spun around, slapped on the backside, and sent rolling down a hill like a roly-poly bug. Inexplicably, Hat Guy leaves the room mid sentence to holler a bunch of cattle off the front lawn. From there, the conversation shifts to springtime, a subject taken with Bootstuck’s usual logic: last year it meant Caleb strapping springs to his shoes; this year it will mean scattering springs across the forest floor so that no matter where you step, “it’s always spring.”The discussion meanders through maroon Pontiacs, pastel colors, and the persistent complaint that everyone in Bootstuck interrupts each other. Dave drifts in with thoughts on gas mileage, while a failed attempt to spell “psychiatrist” leads to the revelation that Bootstuck has no doctors for the mind—only one who deals with ingrown toenails. Mental health, it seems, is handled socially: if someone feels blue, Steven paints them red until they’re a different color and “all’s good.”The tape ends with a plan for a “fashion show at lunch,” a recurring event that involves burlap sacks and questionable creativity. While most will opt for the simple hole-in-the-top approach, Dave apparently intends to fashion burlap chaps—an idea received with the confused question: “You can see your bones?”Tape 40 is as fractured as it is vivid: a portrait of a town where footwear physics, psychiatry, and lunchtime couture share equal importance, and where coherence is always just out of reach.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

The tape opens with a heated accusation of lying, quickly derailed into a plan for a New Month’s Resolution: stop working out and start smoking (though the order is negotiable). A discussion of pizza geometry (round box, square pie, triangle slice) swerves into the concept of “topic drift,” which apparently includes drifting cars in Tokyo via mysterious wind power.Attention shifts to Stephen “Marbles” — a Bootstuck local with mismatched legs and shoes that somehow even out. His nickname sparks a brief shouting match of “Marbles!” before a strange “ding, ding, ding” interrupts. The host rushes outside, tangled in an extra-long phone cord, only to be hit in the eye with an orange while it’s snowing heavily.This prompts the revelation of 16 feet of snow (measured as 768 buckets), with Caleb on “bucket duty” and a warning against alternative uses for the bucket. Barry, a newcomer “from somewhere else” (population: sign, flag, post, and a soon-to-arrive office), is expected to help dig out tomorrow — assuming the uphill, no-tire traffic doesn’t stop him.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

The tape begins with a triumphant ode to soup — thick enough to hold a flag and hotter than rice — before veering into an odd declaration that “science is a fact.” This somehow segues into a taxonomy lesson where chickens are “land fish” and tuna is “the chicken of the sea.”A grim food memory surfaces: polishing off a case of tuna, only to realize the tins bore a picture of a cat. From there, dinner talk becomes a roulette of chickpeas, mashed pumpkin, and the occasional mystery can — sometimes opened “between your legs” to check for “different nuts.”It all ends with an inexplicable cigarette commercial and the cryptic farewell: “Always down, never up.”Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

What begins with a vague reference to “current affairs” quickly turns into another Bootstuck spiral of half-finished thoughts, potatoes, and emotional trauma. The narrator once again attempts to document meaningful insight from the townsfolk, only to be met with suspicious snuggling rumors, unsettling clown chatter, and a sudden confession about itchy necks and abandoned parents. Somewhere in the chaos, a circus is being planned — or perhaps invented on the spot. Either way, Dave is involved, Caleb may be painting horses, and someone has three photos of snails ready for the big show.Highlights:A cryptic tutorial on “squeezing it a bit” leads directly into a conversation about current affairs, specifically Dave and Rita’s suspicious offseason snuggling.Circus talk begins: Caleb may paint horses; Geraldine is offering pigs and mud; snails will be slowly paraded.A debate on whether to include clowns. The official position: “Bootstuck ain't got time for evil.”Redneck lineage, parental abandonment, and a plaid jacket left behind by a father who disappeared when the speaker was three.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

 In this unusually musical instalment, the town confronts the potential arrival of a Walmart with its usual level of deeply flawed logic and overly enthusiastic planning.The tape opens with a morning anthem, improvised in real time and including references to jackets, wolves, and " Walking your Steven" Things escalate quickly from there.Concerned about the rise of future tourism and traffic, the gang discusses installing traffic lights in the center of town. There’s only one problem: Bootstuck has just one intersection and no actual traffic. Solutions include painting the lights black so they don’t bother anyone, or replacing traditional signals with colors like blue — or going back to the system of “just go whenever you want,” which is already in place.Despite confusion, someone claims to have ordered traffic lights from Amazon — the rainforest, not the website — suggesting Caleb be shipped back in the box to harvest wood. For what purpose? Possibly to carve woodpecker shapes. Or the Bootstuck insignia. It’s unclear.Highlights Include:“Morning Time” sung with full commitmentA serious debate on black traffic lightsMisunderstanding Amazon as a rainforest-based manufacturing hubPlans to mail Caleb to South AmericaClosing jug band number If you enjoy small-town meetings that spiral into illegal imports, spontaneous folk music, and woodcarving diplomacy with the King of Canada—this one’s a must.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

EPISODE SUMMARY (Tape 35): A long-distance call with questionable audio quality spirals quickly into fashion advice, livestock comparisons, silent Caleb, and a surprisingly long telephone cord.Listeners are introduced to a popular local garment made of lamb wool and allegedly topped with a rabbit testicle pom-pom. If no rabbits are available, a Ferret substitute will do. The logistics are unclear.Music preferences in Bootstuck are discussed, but the town’s recent shipment of broken Bluetooth earbuds means no one can actually hear anything — leading to mass public singalongs that are entirely disconnected and wildly off-key. Gerald has blue teeth and is therefore assumed to be the key to solving this. Key Moments:Fleece hats with rabbit nutsGerald’s blue teeth = community BluetoothMusic headphones that don’t play musicA one-kilometer landline shared with Dave ( Don?)Lollipop time anthem (“Pop pop pop!”)If you’ve ever tried to get a straight answer in a snowstorm while wearing a testicle hat and shouting Britney lyrics into a dead Bluetooth earbud — this one’s for you.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

 A long-distance call with questionable audio quality spirals quickly into fashion advice, livestock comparisons, silent Caleb, and a surprisingly long telephone cord.Listeners are introduced to a popular local garment — a fleece-lined “chook” (hat) — made of lamb wool and allegedly topped with a rabbit testicle pom-pom. If no rabbits are available, a fairy substitute will do. The logistics are unclear.Music preferences in Bootstuck are discussed, but the town’s recent shipment of broken Bluetooth earbuds means no one can actually hear anything — leading to mass public singalongs that are entirely disconnected and wildly off-key. Gerald has blue teeth and is therefore assumed to be the key to solving this.Meanwhile, Caleb remains silent, which is apparently normal. Internal organ communication is suspected.A box-delivered phone cord — one kilometer long — allows the caller to take calls deep into the woods, provided he doesn’t go uphill. He just follows the cord home. The math checks out.Key Moments:Fleece hats with rabbit or fairy anatomyGerald’s blue teeth = community BluetoothMusic headphones that don’t play musicA one-kilometer landline shared with DaveLollipop time anthem (“Pop pop pop!”)If you’ve ever tried to get a straight answer in a snowstorm while wearing a testicle hat and shouting Britney lyrics into a dead Bluetooth earbud — this one’s for you.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

This recovered tape opens with a critical musical analysis of Led Zeppelin (mistakenly called Heavy Blimps), accused of using “pots and pans” as instruments and expressing “a lot of love” — roughly 600 loves, by one count.Rita, a long-anticipated seasonal force (or possibly a person), rolls into town early, knocking over Caleb in the process. Her arrival is announced by screaming, thuds, and a haunting playback from last Christmas.The conversation wanders through town-wide blackouts, mismatched hot dog and hamburger buns from mysterious airdrops, and the difficulty of finding batteries in packs of three for flashlights that require two.A casino is announced, featuring highly suspect versions of poker (“poke the girl beside you”) and something called Red Jack — which may or may not involve clapping.Finally, wisdom is sought from the town owl, who unfortunately has been recently taxidermied. A musical number about green lollipops closes out the tape.Key moments:“Dark outs” and makeshift flashlightsRita’s destructive descentPseudo-poker rules involving physical pokingTown owl’s posthumous silenceGreen lollipop confusion: is it apple... or just lollipop?Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Tape 32 begins mid-conversation as usual, with someone attempting to introduce the mayor before getting sidetracked by vague mouth-based declarations. The bulk of the recording centers on an impromptu town council meeting about real estate agents coming to Bootstuck and the possibility of building 50 new homes. This is seen as “good for business,” though what business that is remains unclear.The meeting quickly derails into a spirited debate over Bootstuck’s communal reading bulb, a single light source rotated between residents so they can read a few pages each. As expected, the addition of 50 new residents would strain the bulb-sharing schedule, and Dave—who controls the town’s only power outlet—is mentioned as the logistical bottleneck.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

A surprise reconnection by telephone leads to the discovery of The Bubble Games — a loosely defined series of recreational events that seem to involve hand shoes, bubble ingestion, and poorly supervised air drops.The episode’s main event is the Hand-Shoe Race, a high-risk game where participants place shoes on their hands, raise them skyward, and attempt to run around without colliding with heat sources. From there, the rules grow increasingly vague. Another featured event involves drinking homemade bubble solution (described as “mostly soap and vodka”), burping or farting, and hoping for a prize-winning bubble.A magic trick is performed — badly — over the phone, involving the Seven of Diamonds and absolutely no follow-through. A baking metaphor derails into a debate about putting jam in a pan, followed by a recipe that seems to include all-dressed chips. Meanwhile, someone reports receiving 44 framed photos of the same man via Dropbox, which is not digital in this context.Finally, when pressed about their surveillance capabilities, a source claims to use hawk eyes — real ones — preserved in a hawk skeleton mounted above the mantle.Key Moments:The Hand-Shoe Race: “Don’t tie your laces. Takes a week.”Homemade bubble tonic (vodka + soap = organic?)Magic trick featuring one card and no resultsAir drops include snack food and unidentified men in framesBinoculars replaced with literal hawk eyesThe town of Bootstuck continues to ignore its own reality, favoring games that defy physics and deliveries that defy explanation.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Found another tape in that old box from the Sudbury garage sale. I’m still trying to figure out why these people even bothered to record any of this.This one opens with our familiar Bootstuck correspondent ranting about “training your ears to hear fast” by imitating rap music—he actually says rap rap rap rap like that’s instructional. Then he goes on about lines, arrows, and their life purpose (apparently good for Tuesday, Wednesday, and...Tuesday?).There’s a bit about the air and sky (nothing further—just those words), then a detour into seagulls before he abruptly claims he has to go but immediately starts another story anyway.Things get even more local when Don shows up—yes, he seems to be right there, answering like it’s a party line. They talk about Dave’s plan to sculpt spaghetti after eating chili. Front-row seats are apparently a big deal since they only have three chairs in town.We also learn they have running water now—a real science breakthrough. Dinner plans include possum Dave found on the road (still “mostly soft inside”), and someone suggests just grabbing chicken instead.Our narrator admits the most exotic Bootstuck meal he ever had was when they drank downed-medical-supply alcohol after a plane crash. They’re hoping for another crash so they can meet new people. And they propose making their annual trip to the crash site to light a candle, like some twisted memorial.Before signing off, there’s a math riddle about pears that makes no sense (“One pair, two pairs of pairs—how many do I have?”), and they promise big things next week—a circus, a Guinness record attempt—and finish with Dave being told to clear off the coffee table for dancing.Another baffling glimpse into Bootstuck’s way of life. I'm honestly not sure if they're in on the joke or if we're the joke. Either way, I’ll keep cataloging.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Another tape cleaned up and transcribed, another mind bending conversation from the 'Stuck. It opens in classic Bootstuck fashion with a baffling promise to “pleasure a man with a musical number,” before drifting into talk about the arrival of Spring—though any meaningful plans from Caleb seem vague at best.There's also an extended and pointless analysis of Dave’s calves, which are apparently “like bushes,” before the recording is interrupted by Steven in the other room loudly watching Of Human Bondage.Most of the discussion is supposed to be about the business name—Jumbo 99 cents or Less Video Production House—which even they admit is awful and misleading. They can’t decide if it’s a store, a video place, or something else entirely.And just as Hat Guy finally seems ready to reveal his real name, there’s the unmistakable sound of an auto collision on the line, cutting the whole thing short.I’m left with more questions than answers. But I guess that’s how these tapes always go.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Another tape and I'm not sure if the numbering is sequential because the subject matter certainly isn't. No introduction, no real context and no interviewer—just Don ranting about Bill's “topless billboard.” He claims it lost the entire top half in a storm, leaving only the bottom and needing a rebuild from a topless neighbour. There’s back and forth about whose job it is to fix it, if anyone even reads it, and whether a warning sign telling people to stay away is worth the trouble. Partway through, the recording gets interrupted by opera music coming from somewhere nearby—no apology, no comment, just loud singing over the argument. Then later, weirdly, there’s an old Dristan nasal spray ad that plays as if they’d taped over it by accident.They keep right on talking like none of that happened. By the end, they’re debating whether anyone can even measure distance in proper units when all they have is how long it takes to walk somewhere in “minutes,” and Bill is threatening to repaint the billboard himself.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com

Another tape showed up, and I had to listen through the usual haze of static, crosstalk, and a phone call that cut in halfway through. I’m still trying to figure out who is calling them, or how they even have service out there.The conversation is hard to follow, but there are offhand mentions of aerial supply drops. They talk about waiting for things to “fall out of the sky” like that’s their normal supply chain. No schedule, no pilot contact—just hoping for a box of essentials to appear in a field.The rest is typical Bootstuck chaos: interruptions about “Pasquale” joining some team, shouts about rules no one seems to agree on, and the constant background argument about who’s in charge of writing it all down.The recording ends abruptly, but not before one of them mutters something about “the upside-down lady with the Ace of Spades.” I don’t even know what that means. A playing card? A warning? Another local legend?Honestly, the more of these tapes I hear, the less I understand how any of this place works.Send us Fan Mailwww.bootstuck.com