The Unwritable Rant

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette refuses to trust a Mississippi disaster, dodges a blade, takes to the road with the Alley Cats, rides in full of glory, makes desperate calls, raises awareness, gets funky and foul, visits a town where nobody wins, rages over a word, chooses between two rock and roll relationships, and find her way out of logger land.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette encounters a dirty thug in a pink shell, questions a midsummer argument, runs hot with Daisy, visits dead land, hunts down boys and ghosts, flees a troop of handsy locals, meets a disturbing figure, desperately needs a key, and decides to look back.  

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette meets spirit animal Edmund, questions wonky streets, is unwelcome at a crawfish boil, dodges carcasses, appreciates a scoundrel, follows the road to hell, discovers a strange hotel, learns how to finesse a lock, volunteers a piano man, and takes her sweet time leaving.    

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette picks up where a Crazytown night left off, admits to being a terrible stripper, establishes rabbit hole rules, descends into friendship hell, checks faux hooker backgrounds, attempts to help, goes in for a rage-fueled rescue, bounces but does not splash, gets assaulted by her conscience, and accepts destruction. Be sure to check out episode 100 in The Unwritable Rant archives to hear how this Crazytown story began.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette does a safety dance, reunites with Texas and Birdie, prowls the night, plays the horses, hears scales, profits off a bachelorette party, leads a Bacchanalian rodeo, loses friends to Bourbon Street, finds a Quarter bulldog, breaks up a dirty group hug, and questions expectations.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked scary storytelling, Juliette welcomes Halloween, discusses her evil to good ratio, dates a Satanist, heads to a cabin in the woods, rearranges an alter, experiences unwilling hypnosis, becomes an unwitting Earth mother, is outnumbered by a coven, mousetraps a circle, summons a demon, experiences pounding, and hopes for distance.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette listens with too much enthusiasm, lacks $300 worth of information, consults her mental map, considers murder plans, doubles her foursome, walks to the LaLaurie Mansion, encounters a ghost tour, tells the less grim version, doubts crab monsters, confronts an oyster knife, dodges a brick, and learns who gets the last word.        

On this shot of bourbon-soaked scary storytelling, Juliette plays the part of the Cryptkeeper, contemplates dread, decides on a piercing, meets Clarissa, finds blood on white vinyl, receives a dermal punch, flees the scene, wears a slutty costume, goes trick or treating with Crazytown, encounters the old house, gets trailed by clowns, debates candy pelting, and comes to a blazing conclusion.      

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette gets into Halloween prep, prefers scary to merry, builds a haunted house, misunderstands evil chickens, channels a drug store devil, annoys a flock of nuns, receives parental involvement, is threatened with a party, witnesses three courses of fear, and appreciates the harvesters of decay.        

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette learns that nothing is easy, receives an unwelcome email, remembers the so-called human Macy, earns a groupie golden ticket, enjoys a limited friendship, calls a teen party line, begins to miss certain things, experiences her first bathroom confrontation, suffers consequences, has lunch with a bully, and experiences a difficult reckoning. Remember, October is National Bullying Prevention Month. Visit www.stompoutbullying.org for resources, education, and more in helping to prevent bullying and cyber bullying.  

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette discusses hurricane preparation, plans a Rock 'N Rollin Eve with Crazytown, negotiates like a rodeo clown, books a fantasy, deals with soap scum, melts down, eyes a thong leotard, forgets an exit strategy, meets Lady MacDeath and the Barbie Beaters, accepts the inevitable, and declines the leftovers.        

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette sends soap flying, enters an arrangement of convenience, appreciates a stronger cadence, considers homecoming, dates an older guy, rejects a steady stream, wears a flower bomb, reconsiders misgivings, enjoys three dances, attempts to break grip, endures stares, and walks away with the best alternative. This episode is sponsored by Sacred Hollow, a modern witch box service. Visit SacredHollowBox.com for more information        

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette is too much to invite back, debates the conditions of friendship, meets The Oscars, breaks out her deranged microscope, refuses to connect imaginary dots, attends a murder-free block party, makes a gross mistake, sets a garage on fire, and accepts a blip on her social scorecard. This episode of sponsored by Sacred Hollow, a modern witch box service. Visit www.SacredHollowBox.com for more information.

On this interview episode, Juliette and her guy talk to Fee Waybill, frontman for the band The Tubes. Fee discusses his new rock album "Fee Waybill Rides Again" as well as The Tubes history, relationship with producer David Foster, experiences working on Xanadu and with choreographer Kenny Ortega, and friendship with Richard Marx. This interview originally ran on the Virtual Happy Hour YouTube show.        

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette welcomes Texas to town, appreciates Alpine Valley Music Theater, visits a rock star petting zoo, follows a trail of empty bottles, penetrates a fortress of blonde bimbos, has a carried-a-watmelon moment, visits Sylvain, picks up a stray in Jackson Square, gets a surprise wave, wonders if she is special, and toasts to friendship.

An interview episode with Jon Anderson from the band YES. Anderson was the author and a major creative influence behind the ground-breaking album Fragile as well as the series of epic hits, including "I've Seen All Good People," "Roundabout," and "Owner Of A Lonely Heart." Jon discusses his musical journey, experiences as a musician in the 60s and 70s, and his new album 1000 Hands. Be sure to listen to the end, when a surprise guest musician joins the conversation. This interview originally ran as part of the Virtual Happy Hour show on YouTube with David the Producer.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette can't escape ghosts, cuts through a prairie, forces a secret, questions an urban legend, understands salt, dismisses a vortex, brings French fries to a ritual, stomps into the thick of it all, smudges negativity, looks up, witnesses volatile transparency, finds an obscene leftover, and takes the long way home.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette is sweaty as balls, relates her favorite summer song, spends a summer without virginity, stares down Fabio wannabes, locks eyes with Gunsmoke, is rattled by a blast, sets off puttering, experiences a second time, gets yelly, scatters through a salty cloud, and enjoys a little danger.

On this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette names her rats, experiences her first summer of independence, invites Crazytown to a party, wakes up with houseguests, hears an unsettling secret, tries to empty a menagerie, meets a four-legged fiend, makes a grown-up decision, and receives Blow-Pop advice.

In this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette considers unconventional methods, manages interns, wrongly romanticizes, scratches a blank slate, meets Queen Bee Paige, loses her cool, makes a stupid threat, requests advice from her dad, actually doesn't break the rules, and softens a punch.

In this shot of bourbon-soaked storytelling, Juliette marvels at the small world of musicians, contemplates guy bangs, hates a hat, becomes rumor mill fodder, flees an interview, beats herself up, gets perspective from an unexpected source, exposes a shortcoming, and appreciates what she has.

Juliette returns to her everyday bourbon-soaked storytelling, hears bells, makes an unfortunate discovery, handles a gross issue, questions a gurgle, witnesses 150 years of sludge, sends many emojis, finds her guy detained, questions resolve, makes an illogical conclusion, requires gumbo, attempts to catch a criminal, devolves the situation, and reluctantly swims through bourbon water.

A special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 39-50 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis: The mostly true story of a girl trying to reconcile her rock 'n' roll roots with a new reality. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. Juliette's regular bourbon-soaked storytelling will resume on June 7, 2020.

 special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 29-38 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis: The mostly true story of a girl trying to reconcile her rock 'n' roll roots with a new reality. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. Juliette's regular bourbon-soaked storytelling will resume on June 7, 2020.

A special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 23-28 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. Juliette's regular bourbon-soaked storytelling will resume on June 7, 2020. This episode is brought to you by Sawyer, a US-based outdoor gear company. Their products include insect repellant, first aid, and water filtration. Get 25% off Sawyer products when you shop at www.sawyersafetravel.com and enter the code TURPOD25 at checkout.

A special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 14-22 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. This episode is brought to you by Sawyer, a US-based outdoor gear company. Their products include insect repellant, first aid, and water filtration. Get 25% off Sawyer products when you shop at www.sawyersafetravel.com and enter the code TURPOD25 at checkout.

A special audiobook exclusive! Juliette shares chapters 1-13 of her memoir, Morning Neurosis. Hear the Los Angeles stories that inspired the podcast, with additional insight, commentary and more not found in the print edition. This episode is brought to you by Sawyer, a US-based outdoor gear company. Their products include insect repellant, first aid, and water filtration. Get 25% off Sawyer products when you shop at www.sawyersafetravel.com and enter the code TURPOD25 at checkout.

Juliette takes her top down, specializes in irrational love, attempts to play it cool, gets heads turning, becomes encased in snow, focuses on death, accepts Ollie's Place, meets a moose, is laughed out of a barn, and continues her path… all while drinking Woodford Reserve Distiller's Masterpiece batch proof bourbon. This episode is brought to you by Sawyer, a US-based outdoor gear company. Get 25% off Sawyer products when you shop at SawyerSafeTravel.com and enter the code TURPOD25 at checkout.

Juliette drinks early, burns a bridge, accepts a misleading position, fights an office battle, appreciates a technological failure, is denied a shining moment, delivers a parting gift, and provides payback… all while drinking Knob Creek 12 Year bourbon. This episode of The Unwritable Rant is brought to you by Sawyer, an outdoor gear company specializing in insect repellant, first aid, and sunscreen, and dedicated to bringing clean water to developing countries.  

Juliette gets in touch, shares an interest with Texas, meets an old crush, is surprised by a modification, gets a handful, makes a sad connection, plans a fun sendoff, melts at a gift, has second thoughts, makes a good decision, gives a guy an out, seeks a dark corner, takes a dive into gleeful territory, and hopes for a better candy bar … all while drinking Redemption bourbon. This episode of The Unwritable Rant is brought to you by Sawyer, an outdoor gear company specializing in insect repellant, first aid, and sunscreen, and dedicated to bringing clean water to developing countries.

Juliette finds herself un an unusual position, opts for clandestine color, meets a too-nice guy, lacks enthusiasm, experiences perverse curiosity, gets the icks, joins an unsurprising picnic, tests tolerance, refuses worship, experiences excruciating romance, seriously hates cake, calls on a go-to guy, receives an empty poem, is incapable of swooning, and appreciates good help… all while drinking Old Grand-Dad 114.

Juliette calls out Craig's List, hopes to be the exception, experiences immediate regret, sifts through flakes, attempts a transaction, longs to hurl a phone, questions her throw down ability, recoils from a box, elects to trash a set, relies on resourcefulness, is interrupted by Citizen Prissy Pants, resorts to criminal activity, questions boomerangs, and tries to sweeten the deal… all while drinking Pinhook straight rye whiskey. You can support bartenders affected by the pandemic by donating to the United States Bartenders Guild: https://www.usbgfoundation.org

Juliette finds an unusual carcass, enjoys hunting, introduces Raven, appreciates differences, participates in the height of adolescent nightlife, shoots out a star, lays claim to a duck, employs principles, spreads the word, misses a friend, becomes a poster child, and accepts what she knows… all while drinking Buffalo Trace bourbon.

Juliette abuses another friendship, borrows a boat, comes with a mess, tries to follow the rules, moves to the floor, becomes drunk hungry, violates a skillet, hears voices, navigates a nightmare, itches backwards, takes out a mirror, provides unhelpful assistance, and tries real hard… all while drinking Woodford Reserve Double Oaked Bourbon.

Juliette delivers two middle fingers, shacks up with The Informant, wears a dirty crumb, is unable to rustle up a gig, answers a pounding, feels her teeth move, takes stock, experiences an adrenaline surge, looks like a monster, says goodbye, and takes a walk toward the right kind of crazy… all while drinking Larceny bourbon.

Juliette celebrates her birthday, recognizes the tolerance of Texas, settles on the less gratuitous Rooster, is too deviant for a dating site, witnesses tongue twirling, pretends it's her party, gets denied dinner and cake, runs away, seeks solace like Vince Neil, drinks up, blinks away spots, and comes skidding to a realization… all while drinking Knob Creek single barrel reserve, Binny's Beverage Depot selection.  

Juliette speaks with Grammy-nominated musician Kip Winger. Kip got his start playing bass for Alice Cooper. He formed rock band Winger in the 80s, who is still touring and making music today. He is also a composer of classical symphonies. In this conversation, Kip discusses his unusual career, creating classical music album "Conversations with Nijinsky" and concept album and musical thriller "Get Jack," plus what's coming for the band Winger.

Juliette is ready to make a move, packs up deluded dreams, points westward, makes a friendship of convenience, enters Nebraska, loathes a fretboard, misses a roadblock, confronts a barrel, makes a startling pass, loses air, fears following, takes her chances on bedbugs and blood stains, discovers unsettling evidence, and feels grateful for the predictable… All while drinking Redemption high rye single barrel select bourbon.

Juliette has another Crazytown adventure, recalls the south side of Chicago, falls for the tragic, wants more than friendship, axes the girlfriend, attends Softcore Saturday, appreciates the good toilet paper, goes in for the kiss, accepts a girl dare, and understands the line… all while Drinking 1792 Sweet Wheat bourbon.

Juliette contends with an unexpected word, introduces The Kraken, succeeds at a coveted crossover, dodges kaleidoscopic insanity, enjoys a 10-year safety zone, feels a kinship to crazy, expects Ted Bundy, breaks up a seduction dance, finds the inner sanctum of a speakeasy, and appreciates good bartending… all while drinking Cream of Kentucky 12.3 bourbon.

Juliette considers the two types of Christmas people, finds a princess, goes to a perfect home for the holidays, opens with an apology, makes a gremlin, gives thanks, reconsiders her gift, crosses a line, sticks out a disaster, shares an inappropriate tradition, and rejects the family plaid… all while drinking Maker's Mark Wood Finishing Series RC6 bourbon.

Juliette finds a rural route antenna, attempts to pump up the volume, speaks into an endless void, seduces farm folk, curls up under a console, dates a one-size-fits-all guy, looses her patience, answers a knock on her barn door, engages in a sordid caper, ignores the consequences, and appreciates the contrary... all while drinking Horse Soldier barrel proof bourbon from the American Freedom Distillery.

Juliette learns the layoff routine, bursts the dot-com bubble, accepts a disgusting amount of money, enjoys a feast, rents a capuchin monkey, loses the nice-to-haves, produces trash, maps out a productive exit, channels Office Space, sticks it, and accepts famine with class… all while drinking Rabbit Hole Cavehill straight bourbon whiskey.

My guest on the show is teen idol Leif Garrett. He's just released his first book, "Idol Truth," which details his career as a singer and actor, as well as his experiences as an addict. Y'all, this interview was so much fun! Leif is honest and open, and we talk about music, writing, a road trip he once took with Jason Bateman, his friendship with Hunter S. Thompson, and what his plans are for the future. I hope you have as much fun listening as I did talking to Leif.

Juliette remembers the rainbow connection, reveals a fundamental truth, accepts a psycho part, lands at a mission church, lacks plans, questions a vision, witnesses a meaty wound, accepts a method, embraces stabbing, makes a bloody mess, and holds out hope for her ragtag troop… All while drinking Knob Creek Quarter Cask bourbon.

Juliette ducks out, considers the secret to successful crashing, accepts a business arrangement, becomes arm candy, wakes up in Florida, reconsiders a ruse, meets Daisy and Gus, hears a tone, requires a crazy explanation, overhears the truth, dumps her shoes, dodges a redneck disaster, and salvages a gift… all while drinking Woodford Reserve 2019 Master's Collection Chocolate Malted Rye bourbon.

Join Juliette for a conversation with Sara Karloff. Daughter of actor Boris Karloff, Sara discusses her father's role as Frankenstein's monster, rumors about a rivalry with Bela Lugosi, Universal horror movies, and classic Hollywood cinema. Plus, find out what Boris did with his Grammy award for narrating How the Grinch Stole Christmas. A classic Halloween special episode!

Juliette falls in the middle, seeks a lady in white, wonders if Resurrection Mary exists, enlists her friend Texas in a stakeout, bursts a bubble, is denied digital gear, visits a ballroom, lacks creepiness, seeks ghostly energy, breaks into a cemetery, gets stopped by footsteps, records a crime, refuses to bargain, and accepts an unexpected intervention… all while drinking I.W. Harper 15-year bourbon.

Juliette can't wake up from the terror, requires subconscious explanation, recounts the weird 70s, discovers the Leek Sisters, is born in witch country, talks to invisible companions, lives in comfort, makes ouija board contact, looks for a sign, winds up in the cellar, and receives an unnerving call… all while drinking Russells Reverve Private Barrel Selection - Binny's Beverage Depot pick (warehouse F, floor 5 and barrel 0227).

Juliette watches her house fall apart, objects to bandages, takes matters into her hands, lacks qualifications, has an Edgar Allen Poe moment, unleashes a furry flash, bickers over a toilet weapon, questions her guy's sanity, hums a lullaby, attempts to snatch a box, plays the sheriff, and preens in a rare moment… all while drinking Driftless Glen single barrel straight rye whiskey.