This Is Not What I Ordered: conversations on chronic illness, loss + change
by Lauren Selfridge
How do uninvited life challenges like chronic illness or loss change us? Psychotherapist Lauren Selfridge hosts compassionate, humorous conversations with people who have been there. Through their insights and wisdom, you're invited to explore the bigger questions about life: Why are we here? What does fulfillment really mean? How do our relationships nourish us? And what will we leave behind when we're gone?
Episodes
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Multigenerational Healing, Poetry + Fertility with Brynn Saito
Today I'm joined by Brynn Saito: educator, organizer, and award-winning poet. Brynn's latest collection of poetry, Under a Future Sky, was inspired by her visit to the Gila River in southern Arizona, the place where where her grandparents were imprisoned during World War II era incarceration of…
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Ménière's Disease, Hearing Loss + Missed Communication
This week, join me for a co-hosted episode alongside returning guest, Melissa Platt. She is a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with survivors of complex trauma, and since she last joined me, has received a Ménière's disease diagnosis. In our candid conversation, we explore the...
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Partner TBI & Journeying Through the Grief Portal
Joining me on the podcast today is our very special guest, Shideh Etaat, an Iranian-American writer. Shideh holds an MFA in creative writing from San Francisco State University and has recently unveiled her debut literary masterpiece, Rana Joon and the One and Only Now. Today, Shideh shares an...
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Partnering With Yourself While Navigating The Unknown
My guest this week is Michelle Irving, who combines training with personal experience to offer mentorship and coaching around career and chronic illness. A gifted teacher, and a globally in-demand speaker and writer, Michelle is driven by a mission to de-shame and transform conversations around...
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Body Image, Entrepreneurship + Indigenous Identity with Alison Tedford Seaweed
Today I'm joined by Alison Tedford Seaweed: a Canadian consultant, author and mother who lives with hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome, chronic idiopathic urticaria and ADHD. Alison wrote a book called "Chronic Profit" about running a business while managing chronic pain and finds new ways to…
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Chronic Illness and The Holidays: Tips for Joy & Connection
In today's special bonus episode, I delve into the topic of navigating the holidays with loved ones while dealing with chronic illness. The holiday season can be both joyous and challenging, especially when we want to connect with family and friends who may not fully understand our health...
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Savoring This Moment as a Highly Sensitive Person
This week, I'm joined by returning guest, April Snow. She's a psychotherapist and author of The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person's Journal and The Mindfulness Workbook for Stress Relief. Specializing in working with highly sensitive people (HSPs), April's compelling experience in this vocation…
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70: The Abundant Living Conference for Therapists, April 8-10
Welcome to a bonus episode of This is Not What I Ordered! I'm so excited to announce a special upcoming event. It's called the Abundant Living Conference for therapists with chronic illness and health challenges. We will hear presentations from clinicians Celia Hilson, Amanda Pratt, Andrea…
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69: Season Three Finale
Welcome to the Season 3 Finale! In a year filled with COVID-19, a racial justice movement, wildfires, an election, and now the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, this has seemed like so much more than just one year. At this very important moment in time, I am so thankful that we have been able to stay...
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68: Apart Together with Monica Michelle + Courtney Brame
Podcasting has brought so much to my life, both as someone who loves hearing others' stories and as someone who wants to learn from the experiences of others. Hearing an array of experiences is what makes This is Not What I Ordered so powerful to me, and to listeners, as well. Today's episode...
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67: Race + What We Don't Say, Pt. 2
Today's episode marks the second part of my conversation with relational therapist, social justice educator, intuitive narrative coach, and social justice consultant for the podcast, Celia Hilson, which we started in Episode 66. As we find ourselves in the midst of a racial justice movement and a...
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66: Race + What We Don't Say
This week I'm sitting with Celia Hilson, who's returned to the podcast after joining me on Season 2 (Episode 28). Celia is a relational therapist, social justice educator, and intuitive narrative coach fostering cross-cultural understanding. She helps clients to heal through remembering and...
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64: Enjoying the Non-Sense with Sherry Espinosa + Melissa Platt
We've had couples on the podcast, we've had reunions, we've had "quarantine chats." This week, I'm bringing you a friendship "roundtable" with the lovely Sherry Espinoza and Melissa Platt. You may recognize those names because they've both been on the podcast before — but not like this. This...
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63: No One Else I'd Rather Be With with Erynn + Leo Newman
In this week's episode of This is Not What I Ordered, I'm taking you along for a little reunion. I recently caught up with Erynn & Leo Newman, who are "frequent flyers" here on the podcast. Leo, who was a guest way back in Episode 11, and his wife Erynn, were the first couple interviewed for the...
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62: Chronic Quarantine Life with Latasha Doyle + Lily Sloane
Today's episode is a bit different than most of the ones you'll hear on This is Not What I Ordered. Instead of an interview with a single guest or couple, I was able to connect with Lily Sloane and Latasha Doyle, two of the people on our podcast team. In light of everything going on in the world,...
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61: It's OK If You're Not OK with Kristina Sarkisova
Coming to terms with chronic illness is something we're all trying to do. Kristina Sarkisova is on the podcast this week talking about her journey to acceptance, and what the process has looked (and felt) like. Her diagnosis of Lyme disease was a long time coming, and even now she's not entirely...
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60: You Are Enough with Ijmal Haider
This was such a special conversation with Ijmal Haider (of "Hidden Spoons" and the "Help Us" YouTube channel). Having lived with Ulcerative Colitis for several years and spearheading many events, projects, and organizations geared towards supporting people with chronic illness, he is the…
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59: Giving Yourself Grace with Dr. Monica Blied
On today's episode, I'm joined by Dr. Monica Ellis-Blied, a licensed psychologist, health coach, and chair yoga instructor living in California. In 2012, Monica was diagnosed with lupus. Over the last eight years, she has come to terms with the idea that the word "healthy" is not a...
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58: Courageous Mourning with Melinda Laus
Melinda Laus has always felt "different." From her earliest memories, she struggled with asthma, allergies, and feeling like her body just worked differently than other bodies did. After working throughout childhood and adolescence to get her asthma and allergies under control, she thought she…
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57: Solitude + Connection with Andy McLellan
In this episode, I'm joined by Andy McLellan, a haiku poet and trainee Zen priest living in Canterbury, UK. Nearly 25 years ago, when Andy was in the midst of obtaining his PhD, he began experiencing symptoms he assumed were associated with stress. Shortly after graduating, however, he came down...
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56: Living With Visible Illness with Lashana Taylor
Dealing with an invisible health challenge can be beyond frustrating. But what happens when a traditionally invisible illness becomes manifest? And how do we cope with the visual symptoms of our conditions? That's what I'm talking to Lashana Taylor about on this episode of This is Not What I...
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55: Sitting with the Unknown with Michelle Horton
In this episode, I'm joined by Michelle Horton, a close friend and fellow therapist. In the middle of finishing grad school and planning a wedding, Michelle went in for a routine blood test, which showed an abnormally high platelet count. After this finding, a whirlwind of tests and doctors...
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54: Better Than a Cookie-Cutter Life [Couple's Edition] with Latasha + Shane Doyle
On this week's episode, I'm bringing back the Couple's Edition of This is Not What I Ordered to share an intimate and insightful discussion with Shane and Latasha Doyle. Latasha (who you may remember from Episode 53) and her husband Shane joined me in my own living room to talk about their life...
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53: Building Your Grace Muscle with Latasha Doyle
This week on This is Not What I Ordered, I am so excited to share my recent chat with a very special guest: Latasha Doyle. Latasha owns her own copy and content writing agency, but she's also the resident show notes writer here on the NWIO Team. She has Marfan syndrome, a connective tissue...
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52: You Don't Have to Apologize with Natalie Enright
In this episode, I am so excited to share my chat with Natalie Enright, an Adult Services Librarian living in San Francisco. Natalie, who has multiple sclerosis, was first diagnosed in 2010. She attributes her early diagnosis to her husband. After seeing a decline in Natalie's health, he…
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51: Enjoying the Dive with Mike Bajrami
This week, I'm talking to Mike Bajrami, a tech and audio agency owner living in the Los Angeles area. During our discussion, he shares his unique perspective on pain, serving others, and embracing interests. His health journey starts back in 2003, when he received a lower back injury while…
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50: Hearing Loss + Listening Inward with Melissa Platt
In this episode, I'm joined by Melissa Platt as she shares the story of how her challenges with hearing loss taught her to truly listen. Melissa is a clinical psychologist and therapist who specializes in helping people heal through complex trauma so they can thrive, and has been living with...
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49: Learning to Love My Own Heart with Sherry Espinosa
In this episode, I'm joined by Sherry Espinosa for an insightful and full-hearted discussion about how she got more comfortable with her health challenges and started letting faith guide her journey. I met Sherry through the Shine Your Light mastermind I hosted earlier this year, where she...
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48: Releasing Perfectionism with Lily Sloane
For this episode of Not What I Ordered, I'm joined by my amazing music editor and close friend, Lily Sloane. Lily is a therapist, composer, audio producer, and host of a weekly advice show with a deep passion for making the world a better place through self-healing. Learning to live with and…
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47: Acceptance is Power with Sheryl Chan
In this episode of This Is Not What I Ordered, I'm joined by Sheryl Chan — a web developer, writer, and travel enthusiast living with multiple chronic illnesses. Suffering from a mild stroke at the age of 14, Sheryl was diagnosed with a rare blood clotting syndrome that set off a chain reaction…
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46: Finding a New Way Through Pain with Stefan Weiner
In this episode, I'm joined by accomplished singer-songwriter and chronic pain survivor Stefan Alexander Weiner. Stefan lives with central sensitization syndrome, a confusing and painful condition that left him without answers and unable to perform for years. Since his diagnosis, Stefan has…
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45: Highly Sensitive + Thriving with April Snow
On the Season Three premiere of This Is Not What I Ordered, I sit down with April Snow as she shares how her life-long health journey with eczema and high sensitivity has taught her how to live an authentic life without guilt. April is a psychotherapist and Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) who...
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44: Season Two Finale
For the season finale of This Is Not What I Ordered, I'd like to take a look back at the amazing guests of Season Two, share some updates from the guests on how they're doing now, and give my State of the Podcast address as we head into the New Year. I'm also very excited to share a couple of...
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43: You Don't Have to Feel Happy with Lauren Selfridge
The days are getting shorter, sunlight is scarce, and the end of the year is rapidly approaching. That's why I want to use this episode to check in with all of you before we wrap up 2018. I also want to share a very important (and surprisingly controversial) topic that's been on my mind…
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42: Creating Art Amidst Pain with Ramon Shitta
Ramon Shitta is a talented Nigerian storyteller and artist who has been battling a mysterious and ever-evolving undiagnosed chronic illness for most of his life. He strives to capture the beauty in pain through his art and believes that a story can creatively manifest in a myriad of ways; whether...
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41: Evolving Dreams With Ehlers-Danlos with Monica Michelle
In this episode, I interview Monica Michelle, a children's book writer, illustrator, and mother of two living with fibromyalgia and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. A passionate artist, photographer, and author, Monica is truly a woman of many talents. She now hosts the Invisible Not Broken podcast, as…
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40: After the Silver Lining with Drew Althoff
Drew Althoff is a musician and songwriter, an aspiring middle school teacher, and a committed partner. Recently embarking on his journey with kidney disease, he's learning how to integrate kidney failure into his life while finding unwavering support and joy through his relationship with his...
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39: The Hangry Woman with Mila Clarke Buckley
Mila Clarke Buckley is a type 2 diabetes advocate and digital storyteller who started her food blog, "The Hangry Woman," after being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and struggling to find approachable resources to help her manage the chronic condition. Her blog covers topics like diabetes...
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38: Fatherhood + Vulnerability with Derek Avery
Derek Avery describes himself as a curious, fidgety, silly-hearted husband and father who has been inadvertently following his heart for years. From retail banking to energy efficiency work, from volunteer youth worker to worship music band leader, from personal development to spiritual…
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37: Creative Sex + Disability with Mariah Power
This week I sat down with Mariah Power, a Licensed Professional Counselor & Certified Sex Therapist, for an enlightening discussion about her health journey with multiple sclerosis. Utilizing her innate passion for connecting with others, she opened her own private practice in Georgia where she…
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36: Mortality + True Aliveness with Ned Buskirk
In this episode of This Is Not What I Ordered, I had the opportunity to sit down with Ned Buskirk. Ned embodies the definition of renaissance man -- he's an artist, writer, educator, and founder of the "You're Going To Die" movement. He's integrated a distinctive way of confronting loss with...
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35: Building Spoonie Friendships with Jasmine Szantyr
Jasmine Szantyr is a chronic illness blogger & advocate, founder of a production company with her husband, and loving dog mom. Embracing her life with an autoimmune disorder, she used her unique blend of holistic healing and radiant positivity in the face of disbelief to create…
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34: Illness as a Spiritual Guide with Emily Whitish
This week, I change with Emily Whitish, a psychotherapist practicing in Gig Harbor, WA. Emily works with people with medical conditions, injury, and disability and she herself was diagnosed with Crohn's disease five years ago. In her life and work, she notices how illness reveals all the…
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33: Making Friends with Lupus with Jen Matos
In this episode, I interview Jen Matos, a queer Latinx who has lived with lupus for the past 28 years. She graduated from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst with a concentration in social justice education and is a visiting lecturer in Psychology and Education at Mount Holyoke College in...
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32: Who You Are Is What We Need [Couple's Edition] with Leo Newman + Erynn Newman
Leo Newman, whom I interviewed back in Season 1 Episode 11, is back again… but this time with his wife, Erynn. Leo and Erynn were high school best friends who later realized their love for one another in college. They've now been married for 12 years and have one energetic 5 year old son, Hudson,...
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31: Life Is Living Us with Allison Sattinger
Allison Sattinger is a mama and wife, leathercrafter, silversmith and singer-songwriter. She's run her business, SunnyRising Leather and Metal, for twelve years and has lived with interstitial cystitis officially since 2016. Her condition went undiagnosed (though certainly experienced) beginning…
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30: Dating with Health Challenges with Niko
Niko is no stranger to adversity. Growing up as an undocumented immigrant in the US, he's had to anticipate, face and overcome the harsh unpredictability of life on a daily basis. In 2001, Niko began developing a skin condition called Tinea Versicolor, an infection that causes discoloration of…
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29: Intuition + Epic Bathroom Tales with Gretchin Gifford
Gretchin Gifford is a supervisor at a publishing company, Tarot reader, and spiritual coach. She loves storytelling, everyday miracles, and road trips. She's a wife and mom who also lives with Crohn's disease. In this episode, Gretchin candidly discusses her challenges with Crohn's disease well...
About this show
How do uninvited life challenges like chronic illness or loss change us? Psychotherapist Lauren Selfridge hosts compassionate, humorous conversations with people who have been there. Through their insights and wisdom, you're invited to explore the bigger questions about life: Why are we here? What does fulfillment really mean? How do our relationships nourish us? And what will we leave behind when we're gone?
Hosted by
Lauren Selfridge