Three Percent

What happens when the anger showing up in your classroom has nothing to do with your students — and everything to do with a kid who never felt heard? This week Jamie and Blake welcome Chris Winikka for a Top Plate episode — a live coaching call where a real member of the Three Percent community brings his actual 3% to the table. Chris who is in his 26th year of teaching high school computer science found the podcast while processing his own story, and somewhere along the way started noticing something he couldn't ignore: after decades of keeping his cool in the classroom, he was snapping at students. The anger was back — and it was louder than it should have been for what was actually happening. What follows is one of the most practical and quietly moving Top Plate episodes yet. Chris traces the anger back through anxious attachment, a childhood of being dismissed as "just Chris," the identity crisis that came when AI started threatening his sense of worth as a teacher, and the slow realization that what his students need most from him has nothing to do with what he knows about programming. If you're a teacher, a parent, or anyone who has ever let frustration loose on someone who didn't deserve the full weight of it — this one will find you. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why anger that feels disproportionate is almost always pointing to something deeper underneath How anxious attachment from childhood can show up decades later in the classroom — or anywhere you need to be received well What the AI identity crisis reveals about where we've been quietly sourcing our self-worth Why negativity bias means one bad student review encodes louder than ten great ones — and how your brain then lies to you about the ratio The difference between rescuing a dysregulated student and helping them navigate discomfort Why naming the process — not the content — is the most powerful tool in the room What it means to be a regulated nervous system in a room full of kids who may never encounter one CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: who am I if AI can just do this stuff? (02:00) What a Top Plate episode is — and why Chris chose to do it twice (04:00) The difference between coaching and therapy (07:00) Chris: 26 years of teaching, and suddenly snapping at students again (11:00) AI, falling enrollment, and the identity crisis underneath the anger (15:00) The SEEN Method and asking "what am I scared of?" (16:00) "It's just Chris" — tracing the anger back to anxious attachment in a family of five (18:00) You can't tame what you can't name (20:00) Apologizing well — and what a real apology sounds like vs. "I'm sorry you were offended" (23:00) Negativity bias, Rate My Teacher, and why one bad review drowns out ten good ones (28:00) How Chris is approaching the new school year differently (30:00) Not robbing students of the opportunity to struggle — and what learned helplessness actually looks like (33:00) Naming the process, not the content: Blake's tool for the classroom (40:00) When did you decide you weren't good at this? — the third grade math moment (41:00) What do you want future Chris to remember? (44:00) You might be the only regulated nervous system these kids encounter all day LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Want to do your own Top Plate episode? Reach out at: https://threepercentco.com/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Top Plate, live coaching, Chris Winikka, teacher mental health, anger, anxious attachment, AI identity crisis, negativity bias, classroom management, learned helplessness, self-worth, nervous system regulation, men's mental health, vulnerability, personal growth, holistic masculinity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What can Spider-Man teach us about masculinity, mental health, vulnerability, and authentic connection? In this special episode of the Three Percent Podcast, Jamie and Blake take a different approach: they react to the newest Spider-Man movie and unpack the deeper psychological and relational themes hiding underneath the superhero story. Through Peter Parker's loneliness, rage, isolation, self-acceptance, and relationships, they explore what happens when we don't have safe places to process our emotions—and what can happen when we finally allow ourselves to be known. They talk about the difference between fixing our emotions and actually engaging them, why high-performing people can still experience deep hopelessness, how vulnerability creates vulnerability in others, and why some of our deepest pain can only be repaired through connection. There are plenty of Spider-Man references, but ultimately this episode isn't really about superheroes. It's about what it means to stop hiding behind the mask and let ourselves be seen. ⚠️ Spoiler warning: This episode contains significant spoilers for the newest Spider-Man movie. Takeaways You can look like you have it all together and still be deeply hurting. Peter is literally Spider-Man—saving people and performing at a high level—while experiencing profound loneliness and hopelessness. Isolation turns pain into behavior. Peter experiences overwhelming emotions, isolates himself, works more, and eventually his unprocessed pain begins showing up as rage and destructive behavior. We don't just need to "fix" difficult emotions. Jamie and Blake explore what happens when we treat emotions as problems to eliminate rather than experiences that need to be understood and integrated. Connection is often the pathway to repair. The movie's most powerful moments aren't resolved through dominance or power, but through empathy, vulnerability, connection, and repair. Vulnerability creates the possibility of hope. Peter's willingness to risk connection—even when he could have walked away—becomes a powerful picture of how vulnerability can open the door to hope and authentic relationship. Chapters (00:00) — What's Up, Spider-Fans? (02:00) — What Spider-Man Has to Do With Men's Mental Health (05:00) — The Loneliness of Being Spider-Man (21:00) — Isolation, Rage & Self-Medicating (24:00) — "You're Too Much" (32:00) — The Power of a Corrective Emotional Experience (34:00) — Connection Over Dominance (38:00) — Vulnerability Breeds Vulnerability (40:00) — You Don't Have to Fix What You're Feeling (44:00) — Self-Acceptance & Being Loved for Who You Are (46:00) — Vulnerability, Hope & the Final Handshake (48:00) — What Spider-Man Can Teach Us About Connection Keywords Three Percent Podcast, men's mental health, Spider-Man, Marvel, masculinity, holistic masculinity, vulnerability, authentic connection, loneliness, depression, hopelessness, emotional health, emotional regulation, self-acceptance, self-compassion, shame, rage, isolation, male friendship, empathy, emotional connection, relationships, repair, corrective emotional experience, safe men, mental health, vulnerability and masculinity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if your Enneagram type isn't the definition of who you are, but simply a strategy you learned to survive? In this episode, Jamie and Blake sit down with therapist and Enneagram practitioner Katie Gustafson to explore the Enneagram as more than a personality test. Katie describes it as a “map of attention”—a way of understanding what we instinctively focus on, what we're trying to protect ourselves from, and what we may be missing as a result. This is ultimately a conversation about authenticity, grace, healing, and becoming more fully human. Takeaways Your Enneagram type is a strategy, not your identity. What you focus on can reveal what you're missing. Hurt isn't necessarily harm. Anger can be a signal rather than a problem. Your “small story” doesn't have to become your whole story. Resources / Links Katie Gustafsonhttps://katiegustafson.co/ Katie on Instagram — @katiegustafson.co Three Percent Co. https://threepercentco.com/ Chapters (00:00) — What is the Enneagram, really? (05:00) — The stories we create as children (07:00) — When your personality becomes a mask (10:00) — What your Enneagram type helps you miss (13:00) — The struggle of being “special” (19:00) — Your Enneagram strategy vs. God's grace (22:00) — What is the “ouchie”? (24:00) — Hurt vs. harm (30:00) — Nine different “normals” (35:00) — Why anger matters (40:00) — Anger, boundaries, and right action (43:00) — The nine Enneagram strategies (54:00) — When your strategy makes you lose yourself (58:00) — Learning what you need (1:02:00) — Your type is the small story (1:05:00) — Becoming the author of your life Keywords Enneagram, Enneagram types, personality, authenticity, emotional health, emotional healing, relationships, attachment, self-awareness, self-compassion, common humanity, anger, boundaries, hurt vs harm, abuse, trauma, grace, God, identity, personal growth, healing, emotional honesty, needs, vulnerability, masculinity, therapy, narrative therapy, protective strategies, survival strategies, integration, wholeness, spiritual formation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does healing actually look like — not in theory, but right now, in the middle of your real life? In part one, Jamie and Blake laid the foundation: the hidden rules they carried into healing, why they thought it meant fixing themselves, and how those expectations got in the way. Now they're back to answer the harder question — what does cultivating the garden actually look like for them today? Nearly a decade into their respective journeys through therapy, 12-step recovery, and story work, they're both currently going through it, and they're not pretending otherwise. If you're somewhere in the middle of your own healing and wondering why it doesn't look like what you thought it would, this one's for you. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why healing is an ongoing journey, not a destination — and the difference between healing and healed What self-abandonment actually means and how it quietly shows up in relationships Why what looks like trusting yourself and going to addiction is actually your intuition asking for care with a maladaptive solution How abuse systematically disorients your intuition — and what coming home to it looks like Why forgiveness is a process you begin, not a moment you complete Why holding onto resentment feels like power but functions like a prison What tending the garden actually looks like in the day-to-day CHAPTERS (00:00) Welcome back: part two of what did you expect healing to look like? (01:00) The vacation analogy — when expectations ruin what's actually beautiful (03:00) Recapping part one: what we thought healing was supposed to be (05:00) What healing looks like for Jamie right now — slowing down and story work (07:00) The gym analogy: why you can't bank mental health reps and coast (09:00) Blake: healing looks like coming home to and trusting my own intuition (10:00) How hyper-responsibility and self-abandonment are connected (11:00) Defining self-abandonment — leaving yourself there to suffer (14:00) The difference between your intuition and your adaptive child parts (16:00) Your desire for care is not the problem. Your solution might be. (18:00) The coming cultural revolt against therapy — and what it reveals about our desire for easy fixes (21:00) Maybe healing is learning how to suffer well (23:00) Forgiveness as a garden tool — Jamie on beginning the process with his abuser (25:00) Drinking poison and hoping he would die — and why Jamie finally put it down LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Part 1 — What Did You Expect Healing to Look Like?: https://open.spotify.com/episode/5aOAfVihpYRNLfbf9GlpdX?si=3094581eb19e4ed2 KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, healing, what does healing look like, forgiveness, self-abandonment, intuition, trauma recovery, 12-step, therapy, men's mental health, resentment, shame, adaptive child, garden metaphor, suffering, holistic masculinity, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the most healing thing you can do in a season of pain isn't to fix it, process it, or even talk about it — but to make something? Jamie and Blake are joined by two of their favorite people — artist Scott Erickson and musician, poet, and coach Justin McRoberts — for a conversation that goes places none of them planned. These four have been in each other's orbit for a while now, and it shows. What starts as a question about art and the low seasons of life quickly becomes one of the most honest, unexpected, and quietly stunning conversations this show has hosted. Scott offers a definition of pain that stops the room: most pain is the death of future memories — the slow grief of realizing that the life you quietly expected to have isn't coming. Jamie opens up about being in a low himself right now, triggered by story work around eight years of abuse he's never fully shared, and what it's costing him to look at the mountain of those stories. Justin reframes the entire practice of making things — not as self-expression, but as a way to have a conversation with the parts of yourself you don't yet know how to talk to directly. And Scott, who spent a season this spring genuinely questioning whether he wanted to keep being an artist, closes the episode by inviting Jamie to throw himself the high school party he never got to have. Bring a casserole to the wake. You'll understand by the end. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why the practice of making something matters more than what you make Scott's definition of pain as the death of future memories — and why processing it enlarges you How art functions as an intermediary — a way to have a conversation with yourself about who you are and who you thought you'd be Why evil has an agenda and good asks a question, and what that means for what you create in uncertain times What "faith freely chosen" looks like when the world feels like it's falling apart How to give hospitality to the wounded parts of yourself through ritual, creativity, and community Why your artwork — whatever form it takes — is the casserole you bring to the shared wake CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: make a casserole and show up to the shared wake (02:00) Reuniting Scott and Justin — and why Jamie wanted both of them at the same time (04:00) Jamie names where he's at: a low season, triggered by story work (05:00) How the practice of art frees you to actually feel your feelings (07:00) Scott on the vocation crisis he had this spring — and how he found his way back (10:00) The Sad Avengers: building your team of artists, creatives, and truth-tellers (11:00) Evil has an agenda. Goodness asks a question. What are you going to make? (14:00) Phil Stutz, True and False Magic, and faith freely chosen in the face of uncertainty (19:00) Why the practice matters more than the product — and who you become while you're making it (22:00) Art as the casserole you bring to the cultural wake we're all attending (24:00) Pain as the death of future memories — Scott's definition that stops everything (27:00) Making playlists as liturgical practice — singing your way through the low (33:00) Jamie opens up about eight years of abuse and the deaths of future memories inside it (36:00) Art as an intermediary: having a conversation with the parts of yourself you can't talk to directly (41:00) Scott's invitation: throw yourself the party you never got to have (47:00) Landing the plane: be hospitable toward yourself LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Scott Erickson's Website + upcoming shows: https://www.scottericksonart.com/ Justin McRoberts' Website: https://www.justinmcroberts.com/ In The Low — book by Scott Erickson & Justin McRoberts: https://www.justinmcroberts.com/in-the-low Phil Stutz, True and False Magic (referenced by Scott): https://www.amazon.com/True-False-Magic-Phil-Stutz/dp/ Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara (referenced by Scott): https://www.unreasonablehospitality.com/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Scott Erickson, Justin McRoberts, In The Low, art and grief, creativity, pain, depression, low seasons, faith, making things, holistic masculinity, trauma, hospitality, men's mental health, death of future memories, Phil Stutz, community, healing, spiritual practice Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the thing running your life isn't a choice — it's just the way your brain learned to stay safe? Jamie and Blake are back with something a little different. Fresh off their annual retreat in Smithville, Tennessee, they're pulling back the curtain on a book they're writing — a field guide to the 3% — and using this episode to work through the big questions that anchor part one: the 3% that happened to you. No guest, no filter, just two friends and therapists getting into the neuroscience, the theology, and the deeply personal reality of why the past doesn't just stay in the past. This is one of the more honest episodes they've recorded. Jamie shares openly about building his identity around his story of abuse — not to heal, but to get the hit of care that felt like worth. Blake gets into the neurobiology of why your brain is literally wired to encode pain louder than joy. And together they make a case for why the most countercultural thing a man can do is bring his hidden 3% into the light of real relationship. KEY TAKEAWAYS Why a memory that lasted an afternoon can run someone's life for decades — and why that's not a choice How the lower brain processes emotion and threat 1,000 times faster than the thinking brain What negativity bias is and why your brain encodes painful experiences with more color and context than positive ones The difference between guilt and shame — and why the distinction changes how you recover Why shame feels solitary but is actually born in relationship — and why it heals the same way Why keeping something secret does more damage over time than the original wound The difference between naming what happened to you and building your identity around it CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: men's mental health, carnivore diet, never show feelings (02:00) Fresh off retreat: Jamie and Blake are writing a field guide (06:00) What the book is — three sections, field guide format, under 100 pages (08:00) Part one: the 3% that happened to you (09:00) Question 1: Why does a memory that lasted an afternoon run someone's life for decades? (11:00) The top brain and the bottom brain — why emotion outruns logic (17:00) Your body is still running from a tiger that left years ago (18:00) Negativity bias: why your brain encodes pain louder than joy (21:00) Question 2: What's the difference between guilt and shame? (24:00) Shame as identity vs. guilt as behavior — and why it matters (25:00) Shame feels solitary but happens first in relationship (28:00) What it means to have a "regulated other" — and what happens when you don't (32:00) Question 3: Why does keeping a secret do more damage than the thing itself? (37:00) Question 4: What's the difference between naming your story and building your identity around it? (38:00) Jamie gets honest about seeking applause instead of attachment LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Brené Brown on guilt vs. shame (referenced): https://brenebrown.com/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, field guide, 3% book, shame, guilt, trauma, negativity bias, neuroscience, limbic system, nervous system, men's mental health, healing, attachment, regulated other, vulnerability, identity, personal growth, holistic masculinity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if the reason your conversations keep going sideways has nothing to do with what you're saying — and everything to do with what you're actually feeling underneath it? In this episode, Jamie and Blake welcome their friend Morgan Burch — relationship coach and creator of the SEEN Method — for a conversation recorded in person that feels less like an interview and more like a masterclass you didn't know you needed. Morgan breaks down the four-letter framework she developed out of her own marriage to help people move from barbed-wire communication to actual vulnerability. And what's wild is how simple it is — and how hard it is to do, because confusion and complication have always felt safer than being honest. This one is funny, personal, and quietly devastating in the best way. Jamie and Blake both get caught in real time. Dan (Morgan's husband) makes multiple appearances from the couch. And by the end, you'll have a completely different relationship with your anger, your disappointment, and the expectations you've been silently holding over everyone around you. KEY TAKEAWAYS What the SEEN Method is and why it works where other communication frameworks fall flat The difference between showing someone the barbed wire around a feeling and showing them the actual feeling Why negative emotions like anger and disappointment aren't walls — they're neon signs pointing to something you didn't know you needed Why confusion and complication can be a hiding place — and how to stop using them The mirror game: why the most healing thing you can do for someone is stop trying to fix them Why you can't fully receive from others what you haven't first given to yourself What it means that "avoidance is a privilege" — and what it costs you CHAPTERS (00:00) Cold open: I wasn't good at controlling my emotions — I was good at hiding them (02:00) Introducing Morgan Burch and the SEEN Method (06:00) How Morgan's marriage to Dan became the proving ground for everything she teaches (09:00) "I was showing him the barbed wire around the feeling, not the feeling" (13:00) S — Scared: what am I actually afraid this means? (13:00) E — Embarrassed: the vulnerable feeling underneath the protective one (21:00) E — Expectations: the hopes you didn't know you had (23:00) Why disappointment is a neon sign, not a character flaw (31:00) N — Need: what do I need, and can I give it to myself first? (40:00) The mirror game: reflect, don't fix (45:00) Morgan's story: using the SEEN Method with her own dad (57:00) "Nothing to prove, always more to learn, no great thing is done alone" LINKS & RESOURCES Three Percent Website: https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Basement (private community + reflection guides): https://threepercentco.com/membership Morgan Burch's Website + The Repair Lab: https://morganburch.com/ Morgan Burch on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goodmorgan.therapy/ Eli Harwood (mentioned — "regulate before you educate"): https://www.eliharwood.com/ Dr. Becky Kennedy (mentioned — metabolizing emotions): https://www.drbeckyatgoodinside.com/ KEYWORDS Three Percent Podcast, Morgan Burch, SEEN Method, communication, relationships, vulnerability, emotional intelligence, repair lab, men's mental health, marriage, expectations, anger, conflict resolution, self-regulation, co-regulation, holistic masculinity, connection, personal growth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if healing doesn't look anything like you expected? For many of us, healing starts with an unspoken goal: get rid of the anxiety, stop feeling angry, break the habit, or finally become the version of ourselves we think everyone else wants. But what if those expectations are actually keeping us stuck? In this honest and unscripted conversation, Blake and Jamie explore the hidden "rules" they've carried about healing. They reflect on how they once believed healing meant becoming free from anger, discomfort, or unwanted behaviors, only to discover that true healing is far more about curiosity, compassion, and learning to feel at home in their own bodies. This episode isn't about offering quick answers. It's an invitation to examine the expectations you've inherited, question the rules you've been living by, and begin imagining a different kind of healing. Key Takeaways - Healing isn't becoming someone else—it's becoming more fully yourself. - The behaviors we want to eliminate often begin as survival strategies that deserve curiosity before judgment. - Repressed anger doesn't disappear; it often turns inward in ways we don't recognize. - Many of our expectations about healing come from unspoken family or cultural "rules," not necessarily what's true. - Compassion creates more lasting transformation than shame ever could. - Healing is an evolving process, not a finish line. Chapters (00:00) What did you expect healing to look like? (05:18) The hidden rules we carry into healing (11:42) Why we thought healing meant "fixing" ourselves (18:55) Anger isn't the enemy (26:40) When survival strategies become self-harm (34:10) Why pornography, addiction, and numbing behaviors deserve compassion, not just condemnation (40:00) Feeling at home in your own body (45:15) The rules you inherited about healing (48:00) Letting go of expectations and preparing for Part Two Resources & Links Three Percent Co.: https://threepercentco.com/ Keywords healing, emotional healing, therapy, mental health, men's mental health, anger, shame, self-compassion, vulnerability, pornography recovery, addiction recovery, trauma, emotional health, nervous system, relationships, masculinity, Blake Roberts, Jamie Haigh, Three Percent Podcast, healing journey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when two podcasts built around helping men flourish sit down together? In this special crossover episode, Jamie and Blake join Hunter Leavine, founder of The Captains Collective, for a conversation about masculinity, emotional health, vulnerability, and the healing power of community. Hunter shares his personal story of rebuilding after failure, the lessons he's learned from life on the water, and why nature often becomes the classroom where men finally begin telling the truth. Together they explore how outdoor adventure, emotional honesty, and meaningful brotherhood aren't competing paths—but complementary ones. Whether you're more comfortable on a fishing boat than in a therapist's office, or vice versa, this conversation builds a bridge between both worlds. Key Takeaways Healing begins where hiding ends. The things we keep locked away are often the very things keeping us disconnected from ourselves and others. Vulnerability creates permission. One honest conversation can transform an entire community. Nature has a way of restoring perspective. Time outdoors reminds us we're part of something much bigger than ourselves. The traits that once protected us don't have to define us forever. Growth isn't about becoming someone new—it's about healing what was wounded. Brotherhood is built through presence, not performance. Men don't need perfect answers—they need safe places to tell the truth. Resources & Links Learn more about Hunter Leavine & The Captains Collective:https://captainscollective.com/ Follow The Captains Collective:https://www.instagram.com/captainscollective/ Three Percent Podcast:https://threepercentco.com/ Join The Three Percent Community:https://threepercentco.com/membership Chapters (00:00) – Introducing the crossover episode (03:45) – Why the outdoor world and emotional health belong together (11:18) – Hunter's personal story of rebuilding after failure (20:04) – The hidden cost of emotional compartmentalization (31:22) – Why empathy disappears—and how it returns (46:40) – Mangroves, resilience, and learning to regrow (54:12) – Why vulnerability changes friendships forever (59:05) – What nature teaches us about perspective and humility (1:03:10) – Fly fishing, presence, and emotional healing (1:05:00) – Final encouragements and where to connect Keywords men's mental health, emotional health, vulnerability, masculinity, therapy, men's groups, brotherhood, friendship, healing, emotional resilience, shame, honesty, empathy, Hunter Leavine, The Captains Collective, outdoor adventure, fly fishing, nature, resilience, community, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, Christian mental health, personal growth, emotional healing, men's relationships Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices