PODCAST · arts
Totes Pod
by Abi Treut
A podcast hosted by Abi Totes. This podcast is grounded in storytelling, possibly some oversharing, a bit of singing, and one very important goal-- to help you know that you are not alone.
Episodes
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Updates from Abi Totes
I have been hiding from you, Totes Pod fans! Now I’m back with updates on the past year, just in case you haven’t already heard them from me.
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Special Announcement!
Get excited!
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Wanting it all to be over
Warning: this contains discussion of suicide and suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. If you’re experiencing any of these yourself please call 988 in NYC or talk with your therapist. In extreme cases where your life is at risk please call 911, or please go to the emergency room you trust most.
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Too good to be true
Listen as I cry and give a special tribute to the one who’s always been too good to be true. I suggest you revisit the episode I made called “Challenging My Pedestals” as a charming companion to this episode. Also, Anderson Cooper’s podcast I mention in this episode is called “All There Is with...
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Vulnerable
An update.
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Part 2! Fairness & Astoria Park
Was cut off rudely by my reminder to move my car (lol), please enjoy the 2nd part of my Astoria Park walk! Beautiful bird sounds in the background enhance the experience here.
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Fairness & Astoria Park, Part 1
Life is NOT fair (and I’m telling myself to get over it), and Astoria Park has a running track!
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April 28, 2025! Special Update.
Loves it. Abi Totes shares some updates. She is so exhausted, notice how she signs off at the end!
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My Word of the Year: Gratitude
Get excited! I share how I was inspired to choose a word of the year (thank you to the incomparable Priscilla Hummel!!!!!)…. And I talk a lot about my journey with gratitude. Notes: The Calm app: https://www.calm.com Book: Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff (You NEED THIS. If you already own it, you...
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Crying on the subway. It’s normal.
A glimpse into an evening of public crying, mostly on the C and N trains. A cool, rainy, magical evening of releasing pain and feeling the ghosts of my life ever presently as I traversed the city’s underbelly. Yet another love letter to my city.
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2AM Corn Flake Ritual (or When I am the one who makes myself feel unworthy and unappreciated)
In this episode (I’m back, BTW!!!) I share more attempts at self compassion. I reveal some things about myself that I wasn’t fully noticing… and do my best to forgive myself, even though it is not easy! Corn Flakes do actually factor into the whole thing—more than you’d expect! (Not an ad for…
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I need to receive
Wow, I just looked up “receive” and the first google result says, as part of the second definition: “suffer, experience, or be subject to (specified treatment).” WOW. Now I need to also do an entire episode on how receiving is also suffering, haha! Anyway- THIS episode is centered on a “letter…
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Care for others vs. care for myself
Lately I’ve noticed a large (or larger than I’d like) gap between how I care for others and how I care for myself. I put a tremendous amount of love and kindness into my efforts and words given to those I love, but when it comes to myself I’m often mean, harsh, and pushy. I’m really my own bully....
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Multiple things can be true, all at the same time
Recently I’ve been telling someone I love very much that multiple things can be true, all at once. Even though it doesn’t feel that way, even though it feels hard and confusing. I’m now trying to tell this thing to myself. And to you. Here are some references for things I’ve included in this...
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ARTISTS (Light) WIN; DARKNESS FAILS
Getting supes intense about being an artist, since I am finally making it my highest priority in my life! Hope you enjoy. Thank you for being a Totes Pod fan.
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My Love Letter to You
Special love message !! Plus, companion music video: https://youtu.be/9WlYNGS_7Y4 Please listen to the very end. ❤️ Love, Abi Totes
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My Self-Love War
On this episode, I share the war going on between the MOTIVATOR part of me and the LITTLE ABI/THE EXHAUSTED ONE part of me. I also share my own "Letter from Love" inspired by the recent ritual of Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love; City of Girls; Big Magic; and so many more books), that…
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Where to even begin
Hi there Totes Pod fans! It's been almost a year since I made an episode for you, so there's a lot of catching up to do. Basically, I live in Florida now, so I am telling you about what it's been like to adjust to this new land.
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Challenging My Pedestals
It turns out I've been putting a lot of people on pedestals, and I don't love this. I want to address this with you, as you may be one of the people I have put on a pedestal! I might even have you up on a pedestal right this very second. If so, I hope to change that and I endeavor to see you as a...
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Love Letter to New York City
My dearest love… the place I’ve loved forever. New York City. I’ve written her several poems, sung to her while walking upon her sidewalks and streets… performed on her stages, and wished I could stay here forever. There’s no place more magical to me.
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Glimmers of Light Amidst My Scroogelike Holiday Vibe
What a holiday season it has been so far. I have been working pretty much non-stop, likely the most hours I've ever worked during a 4th quarter while working in retail (the gift business). I've felt pretty Scroogelike and Grinchy.... I've not been in any mood to celebrate or be joyful. I've...
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Songs for My Cats
Hi there, Totes Pod fam! I've missed you. I'm deep in the heinously wretched 4th quarter (as an email marketer) in the gift industry. It's SUPER FUN. (I am being sarcastic.) Anyway, I wanted to give you a little, brief, and fun episode, so I am singing for you the very songs I sing to my little...
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Little Resentment Boats
This may possibly be my longest episode so far, and it's about how I hold in a lot of resentment, and how I want to see if I can grant my resentment some space. I hope to give my resentment some space, to see if perhaps it might shift and maybe allow me more freedom to move past it. I also wanted...
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Are my stories about myself truthful or judgmental?
This past week I've been closely examining the stories I tell myself about myself. PHEW. It's pretty intense, and reasonably exhausting, but it's also quite healing. I've begun to notice that so many of the stories I hold about myself are quite judgmental and often not really based in truth. I...
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Oh, how I LOATHE the word "hobby"
This episode is a pretty major rant, but it's also of utmost importance to me. I want people to understand that it is not ok to tell another person that what they do is a "hobby." The word is inherently dismissive, diminishing, and often insulting. I've observed many people throwing the word…
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I CAN be a person with needs and wants and desires.
In this episode I share my recent experiences with my new job, with what I've been learning about myself, and how strange (yet incredible) it is to begin to learn to actually notice myself. I mean, to notice myself as an individual, rather than someone who exists to put everyone else first. It's...
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At a Loss + BEYOND EXHAUSTED!!!
Finally I've returned to share some stories with you, my beloved Totes Pod fans! Thank you for your patience. In this episode, I share my utter loss for the right words, and how beyond exhausted I've been for what feels like a very, very long time. Plus I mention the magical Tara Brach -- who is...
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The Astounding Miracle That We’re Even Still Here, A Success in ANY WAY WHATSOEVER.
It turns out that maybe we have actually achieved something. I mean, we may often feel like failures or like we're not where we want to be in life, but... the truth is, we have gone through a lot. So, maybe let's just consider having some compassion for ourselves, and also let's maybe notice some...
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Carrie Bradshaw
You won’t believe it, but until a day or so ago I had not watched either Sex & The City movie! I just happened to finally watch the first one, and my devotion to Carrie was reignited as it so often is. Well, my love for and devotion to Carrie sparked the creation of this very special episode.…
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Symbols of Luxury
My symbols of luxury may be different from yours, but what do they mean? Is it ok for me to want luxury, or even a life that is debt-free? I wonder how you feel about your desires for a better or different life when you examine them. I'm sharing the story of one of my favorite symbols of luxury…
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Permission
Permission has been on my mind a lot lately. In fact, I even asked permission of a couple of close friends and my boyfriend before I even began to write this episode on Permission. In this episode, I mention a podcast I really love. It's called Beyond Bitchy: Mastering the Art of Boundaries with...
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From Darkness to Light
In this episode of Totes Pod, I share my story of venturing into the sunlight, going on walks in Brooklyn shortly after sunrise, and some things I’ve learned about the effects of sunlight on sleep, gut health, and mental health. If you’d like to hear the podcast episodes that inspired these life...
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The loves of my life.
On this episode of Totes Pod, I reiterate for you two loves of my life. These are not humans (though I do have one human who is the love of my life)... These are two things that are loves of my life. I also dive a bit into the description of my current day-to-day life, which is reasonably...
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Becoming Someone Else
On this episode of Totes Pod, I share the absolute joy and exquisite experience of becoming someone else. As I recall these feelings, I am beginning to see that there is also a someone within me that has not had much of a chance to live. I'm beginning to give that person attention, though it's...
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How do I determine what I really want?
In this episode of Totes Pod, we spend time together pondering, wondering, and exploring. How does a person determine what they really want? Some people seem to just know, and I think a lot of people pretend and act like they know. If you've been thinking a lot about who you are and who you want…
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Ordinary Miracles
Late at night, as I was listening to one of my fave sleep podcasts, "Nothing Much Happens", spoken and written by the wonderfully enchanting Kathryn Nicolai, she said these two words: "Ordinary miracles" and I knew what I had to share with you. In this episode, written in a time when I've been...
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The Surprisingly Infinite Power of My Bedazzled Left Foot
My feet have been in a lot of pain, caused by my big toes, which have been acting out in a big way since the pandemic reached its height in NYC. These toes, and these feet, have had a great deal to say, though I was not really listening to them. This time, the left foot stopped me in my tracks…
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It’s ok to feel depressed. Allowing space.
In this episode I share some of my personal experience with depression. I believe everyone experiences depression on some level, at some point in life, so this episode could resonate with you or someone you love. My hope is that my words comfort you and help you feel less alone as you navigate...
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Build Your Castles in the Sky, Founded in Compassion + Empathy
In this episode I discuss the vital importance of intentional compassion, kindness, and empathy, especially in times of extra stress or when we are overwhelmed. I also share with you my beliefs about the kind of leadership that works and is built on powerful foundations, in comparison with the…
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My Body, My Instrument
In this episode of Totes Pod, I share the story of how I actually finally realized I have been neglecting my physical body. I had genuinely believed I'd been caring for it, but I was legit in for a rude awakening. Hear how I am shifting, and how I am now fully honoring my temple and my...
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Imposters All (supposedly)
This episode's message is near and dear to my heart! Many, most, (or PROB) all of us feel inadequate and like imposters at times (if not all of the time). The more I realized this, the more I HAD to discuss it with you here, on Totes Pod. Join me for this very special episode, wherein I hope to...
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Not Feelin' It + A Silly Faux “Retro” Commercial
This episode touches on my most recent lack of motivation in several areas, procrastination as a tool, and offers up a playful faux commercial I recorded during the depths of quarantine. Strangely, the quarantine-inspired commercial may bring you some much-needed joy! I hope you feel less alone…
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Kitty Babies
Do you love animals? Kitties? Dogos? Well, I love pretty much all animals. I thought I loved dogs the most of all, but it turns out I truly also adore cats. I hope that sharing some stories about my own, sweet, endlessly entertaining kitty babies will brighten your day. This episode is the very...
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Nano - A Tribute Episode
This very special tribute episode is dedicated to my grandmother, Mary Martin Painter, who I called Nanny in my youth and Nano when I was a bit older (but still youthful). Her life inspires me, and I miss when she gave me gum, unhealthy foods, and her incredibly delicious (obv from scratch)...
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Totes Salon
In this episode, I share the journey I took to become a hairdresser. At first it seems an unlikely choice, but upon further reflection perhaps it makes a lot of sense! Please enjoy the stories of my passion for hair and beauty in this special Totes Salon episode of Totes Pod.
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The Theatre
On this episode of Totes Pod, I share stories of my most sacred passion and reason for living--the theatre. The theatre has shaped my life in endless ways. This gives you a glimpse into my life, who I am, and what really matters to me. Hope you enjoy it!
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Totes Pod Intro + Trying Too Hard
In this first ever episode of Totes Pod, I talk about perfectionism, the many doubts I've had while preparing this podcast, and the ever popular "trying too hard" method of going through life. I'm so excited to have you with me, and hope you will continue to join me on this Totes Pod journey.…
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
A podcast hosted by Abi Totes. This podcast is grounded in storytelling, possibly some oversharing, a bit of singing, and one very important goal-- to help you know that you are not alone.
HOSTED BY
Abi Treut
CATEGORIES
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Totes Pod have?
Totes Pod currently has 47 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Totes Pod about?
A podcast hosted by Abi Totes. This podcast is grounded in storytelling, possibly some oversharing, a bit of singing, and one very important goal-- to help you know that you are not alone.
How often does Totes Pod release new episodes?
Totes Pod has 47 episodes. Check the episode list to see recent publication dates and frequency.
Where can I listen to Totes Pod?
You can listen to Totes Pod on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Totes Pod?
Totes Pod is created and hosted by Abi Treut.
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