PODCAST · society
Untoxicated Podcast
by Matt & Sheri Salis
Sheri and Matt Salis just wanted a regular life–regular marriage, regular careers, a regular house, and happy kids. Instead, they lived a life of lies and terror as they struggled with Matt’s alcoholism and emotional abuse. Unfortunately, their experience is quite regular. Sheri and Matt talk to other experts, to roundtable panels, and to each other. No subjects are off limits: The trauma of active addiction, the pain of recovery, the impact of emotional abuse, the “should I stay or should I go” question, breaking the cycles for the kids, and both emotional and physical intimacy. Matt Salis is a behavioral health writer and researcher with over a decade of experience studying addiction and emotional abuse, and a master’s degree in sexual health. He is a leading expert on the impact of addiction and emotional abuse on intimacy in committed partnerships. Sheri Salis is the hero of their story, and the star of the Untoxicated Podcast. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.
Episodes
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Faux Farm Boy
This is the audio version of the essay from my Underlying Issues Substack. To subscribe to read about more of my underlying issues, please click this link or go to substack.com and search for the Underlying Issues publication.
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Ep369 – The Guilt of Womanhood
Sheri feels guilty about things that Matt would never feel guilty about if the roles were reversed. Is it instincts or is it conditioning? Listen to find out. At the end, Matt tries to convince Sheri that there are things she does that deserve some womanly guilt. She doesn’t hold back, nor does…
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Beige Penis Privilege
This is the audio version of the essay from my Underlying Issues Substack. To subscribe to read about more of my underlying issues, please click this link or go to substack.com and search for the Underlying Issues publication.
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Ep368 – Feeling Judged
Being judged for our actions and opinions is one thing. Feeling judged long after the judgement has stopped is something else entirely. Moving past the feelings judgement takes the hard work and patience of growth and discovery. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact…
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He Might Be Dead, But It’s My Sunday That’s Ruined
This is the audio version of the essay from my Underlying Issues Substack. To subscribe to read about more of my underlying issues, please click this link or go to substack.com and search for the Underlying Issues publication.
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Ep367 – Accountability: Why did they do that?
We all know that accountability involves assessing and accepting blame, but it goes much deeper. Accountability is also about asking why and getting to the root causes and underlying issues. Sheri and Matt discuss several scenarios, and Matt is genuinely surprised to realize he is the owner of…
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Jesus Got Rizz
This is the audio version of the essay from my Underlying Issues Substack. To subscribe to read about more of my underlying issues, please click this link or go to substack.com and search for the Underlying Issues publication.
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Ep366 – Impact of Trauma on Sheri’s Voice
Regular listeners of the Untoxicated Podcast have surely noticed Sheri’s cough. On this episode, she shares the therapeutic work she is doing, both physical and psychological, to reduce or eliminate her throat pain, neck strain, and chronic cough. While she is encouraged by her progress and...
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Stage Fright
This is the audio version of the essay from my Underlying Issues Substack. To subscribe to read about more of my underlying issues, please click this link or go to substack.com and search for the Underlying Issues publication.
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Ep365 – The Second Story with Shari Caudron
Have you reached midlife with lots of skills and experiences, but with a nagging feeling that those tools are leaving you unfulfilled, and doubling down just isn’t working anymore? Are you ready for your second story, but you need to reframe your goals and aspirations? Shari Caudron is a...
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Death Musings
This is the audio version of the essay from my Underlying Issues Substack. To subscribe to read about more of my underlying issues, please click this link or go to substack.com and search for the Underlying Issues publication.
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Ep364 – When Behaviors Change Before Nervous System Repair
The partners of people with drinking problems learn about things like boundary setting and detachment. But implementation is about more than understanding and intent. Knowing on a conscious level is the first step, but on this episode, Sheri and Matt talk about how critical it is to retrain the...
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Ep363 – 5 Steps to Navigating Your Partner’s Emotional Relapse
Not all relapses involve alcohol. Sheri offers five effective tactics to navigate the emotional relapse of a partner while continuing to protect your own safety and growth. Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you and your family....
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Ep362 – Ask Lara
Lara Hammock is The Illustrating Therapist and she uses drawings to make relationship patterns easier to see. On this quarterly visit with Sheri and Matt, Lara talks about the importance of having a willingness to change, the emotions that follow the behaviors of detachment (cold anger), and the...
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Ep361 – Pros at Work, Puddles at Home Roundtable
Our three panelists have a ton of experience being large and in-charge at work, then melting under the anxiety, uncertainty, and emotional abuse of living with alcoholism at home. What a confusing and demoralizing divergent existence. Hear how it feels to be effective and successful, and then…
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Ep360 – Living Alone: Failure or Relief?
When people in committed relationships experience the alcoholism of one of the partners, it is widely assumed that relationship recovery is the ultimate goal. But does that make separation or divorce a sign of failure? Sheri and Matt discuss the relief that often accompanies living alone after...
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Ep359 – Rejecting Contentment
What is the connection between addiction and never truly feeling content? We talk a lot about underlying issues for alcoholism - things like childhood trauma and financial stress. But what about when we chase external fulfillment because we are incapable of internal fulfillment? We pursue chaos...
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Ep358 – Retreat Roundtable: Feeling Safe with Strangers in the Woods
What is it like to feel safe to speak your mind and explore your emotions? No fear of reaction. No one telling you what to do. Listen to Jen, Nikki, Mike, Tara, Jennifer, and Avia explain the value they find in growing and recovering in a no-judgement zone on this roundtable discussion live from...
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Ep357 – Sober Living Roundtable
What is sober living, anyway? If an alcoholic has completed detox and treatment, why do they need a sober living environment? Matt used to think sober living was a sign of weakness, and Sheri thought it was a place where they used nicotine as a wall covering. But once they met Kyle, Rebecca, and...
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Ep356 – What does the partner owe the drinker?
Leading experts in alcoholism recovery promote that the partner and other family members of the drinker play a role in the drinker's sobriety. Sheri and Matt disagree. What do you think? Please go to UntoxicatedSurvey.org to better understand the impact of alcohol and/or emotional abuse on you…
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Ep355 – The Embarrassments of an Intoxicated Summer
Overstaying at the party, making grandiose plans, saying stupid stuff, passing out in public, missing all the social cues: Sheri and Matt talk about his behavior in his intoxicated summers, and how it impacted her and their kids. If you hear examples that feel familiar, please know that it is not...
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Ep354 – How a Lack of Safety Causes a Lack of Connection
Emotional safety is critically important to both relationship recovery, and also individual growth and discovery. We are triggered to soothe when we don't feel safe, and authentic connection is impossible without safety. Sheri and Matt suggest the things that help them feel more individually…
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Ep353 – How Matt Grew to Understand what Sheri had Been Through
Matt understands that his drinking and past emotionally unsafe behavior created for Sheri triggers and traumas. Reaching that understanding was a slow evolution through years of curiosity and growth for them both. On this episode, the couple talks about progressing from, "I got sober for you.…
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Ep352 – Sexual Consent and Emotional Intimacy with Amanda Dames
When asked about the impact on a relationship when an intoxicated partner begs for or demands sex, and the coercion works because the drinker's partner is trying to keep the peace, Amanda Dames tells Sheri and Matt that the dynamic damages trust. And the partner who agrees to unwanted sex is…
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Ep351 – Benefits of Emotional Safety for the Recipient and Provider
Sheri and Matt have covered the ways emotional safety improves relationship dynamic for the person on the receiving end: nervous system regulation, peace and relaxation, and comfort being authentic and vulnerable. In this episode, they consider the benefits for the person providing the emotional...
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Requisite
This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “Requisite” That’s a picture of my bride from the summer we got married.…
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Ep350 – Jane is Lifting Heavy Things to Deal with Heavy Things
Jane is an Echoes of Recovery OG who taught us to call our growth and healing work, "Discovery," because there is no going back. After six years of podcast appearances, Jane enlightens Sheri and Matt, once again, revealing the connection between working to physically strengthen and heal the body,...
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Exorcising the “F” Word
This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “Exorcising the 'F' Word” “You don’t need to come. I’m not dying.” My mom had...
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Ep349 – Emotional Safety and Raising Kids
When it comes to parenting, there is no shortage of generational trauma cycle breaking to be addressed. Sheri and Matt talk about the two-generation cycle breaking they are working on with their kids, to implement 100% emotional safety after years of alcoholism, emotional abuse, and Matt's…
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Humans. Am I Right?
This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: “Humans. Am I Right?” Humans. We humans do some really strange things. Am I...
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Ep348 – Ask Lara for Her BEST Relationship Advice
Lara Hammock is back for another quarterly segment full of probing questions and thoughtful, helpful, well illustrated advice! Lara is a mental health therapist and the host and producer of The Illustrating Therapist YouTube Channel. She shares her all-time best piece of marriage advice, dispels...
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This Is Why She Doesn’t Trust You
This is the latest essay from our Untoxicated Blog. To read our hundreds of essays on drinking, emotional safety, and the underlying issues of addiction, please go to SoberAndUnashamed.com. We hope you get a lot out of: "This Is Why She Doesn't Trust You" Serving as the facilitator for our Echoes...
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Ep347 – I Don’t Want to NEED to Be Strong
It is not the compliment you think it is when you tell the partner of a heavy drinker how strong she is. And when you tell her that you'll help more if she makes you a list, you've just asked her to do something else for you. Sheri and Matt discuss this while arguing about flag and snowman…
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Never Quite Measuring Up
Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Never Quite Measuring Up” I did the math in my head. If the sales revenue generated on the opening day of our fourth location remained even sort-of consistent, we would be good–finally over the hump to financial security. We started with one whole…
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Ep346 – Relapse and Divorce with Kim Augustus
On Untoxicated Podcast Ep206, Kim Augustus thought her family had made it out of alcoholism and into solid recovery. In this next chapter, Kim's second appearance on the podcast, she explains how her husband's relapse has led to divorce. Kim's boundaries, detachment, and commitment to providing a...
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Big Birthday Revolution
Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Big Birthday Revolution” My dad’s birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t send him a card. I called him on his birthday, but I got his voicemail, so I left a message. We didn’t talk until the next weekend. By then, it just felt like it had been…
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Ep345 – ADHD and Alcoholism with Annette and Jason
For Jason, alcohol provided clarity for his fuzzy thoughts and lack of clarity. His medicinal drinking helped him thrive at work. But his drinking caused stress, frustration, and trauma for Annette at home. She didn't stop digging until they found answers, and now they are moving forward on a…
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Rose, part two
Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Rose, part two” Confused about the sources of her anxiety, and incapable of confronting Chris for the alcohol or relationship dysfunction, Rose did what she’d been trained to do her whole life. She signed up for 5k runs and thumbed through grad school...
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Ep344 – Be a Happier Parent with Alex Trippier
Does the distribution of household workload cause stress in your relationship? Are your parenting roles unclear as women excel in the workforce and men struggle to pick up the emotional load? Does it feel like your partnership is a competition? Does recovery from alcohol, and a lack of emotional...
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Rose, part one
Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Rose, part one” He took a cube of cheese right out of Rose’s mouth. It was the move a parent makes when a baby shoves an unhalved grape past its toothless gums. “You should eat more protein,” is what Rose’s partner, Chris, said. “You’re too fat,” is…
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Ep343 – The Five Love Languages with Monica Tanner
"You know my love language is physical touch, and yet you withhold sex, and that's why I drink." Relationship and Sex Therapist Monica Tanner joins Sheri and Matt to talk about ways The Five Love Languages are sometimes weaponized, and to dispell myths about our responsibility to make our…
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She IS Stuck in the Past
Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “She IS Stuck in the Past” “You said we would only be there for a little while. A couple of beers, you said. The kids and I left you there at almost midnight. When you stumbled in at 2am, fell up the back stairs, and started calling my name, I was…
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Ep342 – Divorce Like a Boss with Diana
Diana Romanov practices family law in California, and she believes in client education and harnessing the power of technology to partner with her clients to guide them through the emotionally difficult process of divorce. We ask Diana about custody, mediation, reconciliation, gender trends,...
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Jen, part two
Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Jen, part two” (Click here to listen to part one.) Old academic papers on the impact of alcoholism on kids are plentiful. The studies from the end of last century usually suggest that the family stay together. That’s one of the things I despise about...
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Ep341 – Embracing Emotional Masculinity with Hammer
Mike Hamm is the partner of a drinker in recovery. He really relates to many of Sheri's experiences. As a man, he also shares struggles with Matt. On this episode, Sheri, Matt, and Hammer talk about missed red flags, communication problems, gender instincts, brushes with the law, suicide, anger...
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Jen, part one
Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “Jen, part one” Mindfuckery. That’s how she described the cognitive dissonance of sitting in the waiting room while her son’s wisdom teeth were being extracted–doing one of the most motherly things a mother can do–while her husband sat it jail... If you...
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Ep340 – Dual Diagnosis: What’s Behind the Alcohol?
Dual Diagnosis is a medical term for when someone experiences a substance use disorder and a co-occurring mental health concern. Sheri and Matt expand the definition to include behavioral addictions, talk about the impact of stigma and pathologizing, discuss Matt's specific diagnoses, and share...
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It Won’t Matter
Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: “It Won't Matter” I wish I could deliver a message to my younger self. Many messages, really, to many earlier versions of me. Like that the penis my college friends drew on my forehead with permanent marker when I passed out would not, in fact, impact…
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Ep339 – Watch Your Mouth
Are you an alcoholic, or are you a gray-area drinker? Are you avoiding confrontation, or do you have topics that you might find benefits from addressing? Are you an emotional abuser, or are you too reactive? Word choice matters, and Matt has a habit of choosing the most stigmatized, direct, and...
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The Family Scar
Our latest essay from our Untoxicated blog: "The Family Scar" Before they served us our farewell dinner, our neighbors of twenty years, while enjoying the evening sun of newly saved daylight on their back deck, asked our youngest two boys what their fondest memories were of the house we are…
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ABOUT THIS SHOW
Sheri and Matt Salis just wanted a regular life–regular marriage, regular careers, a regular house, and happy kids. Instead, they lived a life of lies and terror as they struggled with Matt’s alcoholism and emotional abuse. Unfortunately, their experience is quite regular. Sheri and Matt talk to other experts, to roundtable panels, and to each other. No subjects are off limits: The trauma of active addiction, the pain of recovery, the impact of emotional abuse, the “should I stay or should I go” question, breaking the cycles for the kids, and both emotional and physical intimacy. Matt Salis is a behavioral health writer and researcher with over a decade of experience studying addiction and emotional abuse, and a master’s degree in sexual health. He is a leading expert on the impact of addiction and emotional abuse on intimacy in committed partnerships. Sheri Salis is the hero of their story, and the star of the Untoxicated Podcast. You’ve got this, and we’ve got you.
HOSTED BY
Matt & Sheri Salis
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Frequently Asked Questions
How many episodes does Untoxicated Podcast have?
Untoxicated Podcast currently has 428 episodes available on PodParley. New episodes are automatically indexed when they're published to the podcast feed.
What is Untoxicated Podcast about?
Sheri and Matt Salis just wanted a regular life–regular marriage, regular careers, a regular house, and happy kids. Instead, they lived a life of lies and terror as they struggled with Matt’s alcoholism and emotional abuse. Unfortunately, their experience is quite regular. Sheri and Matt talk to...
How often does Untoxicated Podcast release new episodes?
Untoxicated Podcast publishes regularly with 428 episodes available. Check the episode list for the typical release schedule.
Where can I listen to Untoxicated Podcast?
You can listen to Untoxicated Podcast on PodParley by clicking any episode. We provide an embedded audio player for direct listening, and you can also subscribe via your preferred podcast app using the RSS feed.
Who hosts Untoxicated Podcast?
Untoxicated Podcast is created and hosted by Matt & Sheri Salis.
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