Wahrheitpfad (Dhammapadam), Der by BUDDHA, Gautama

Shake and bake, blue ballers. We’re back with the only extant nycfc podcast, breaking down the Pigeons’ sputtering start to their historic inaugural 5th season. Jake and Trey talk first outings for Treats & Keats, as well as the emergence of Ofori as a potential key 2019 factor and the arrival of a Jon Lewis who may even, can you believe it, get actual meaningful minutes on the field this season. But the tinkering is far from over and our two intrepid cohorsts do everything they can to get into the dome of Domé. Then: nazis and she believes, Garber and Ellis, and some light shitposting. Plus a lump-in-the-throat preview of DC’s upcoming visit to Yankee Stadium. Lock the bathroom door behind you — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Welcome, blue-balls-to-the-wallers, to the SEASON FIVE PREMIERE that nobody saw coming. That's right, despite all odds and massive popular resistance, Blue Balls is back for another barely-professional flirtation with serious soccer journalism in the guise of dick jokes. Jake and Trey kick the season off, as they always do, with a hard-hitting round of OVER/UNDER. Follow along with your own over/under stats sheet this season and tweet us your results at the end to win absolutely nothing. PLUS: in-depth analysis of the bearish predictions market for NYCFC's fifth season on the field, a breakdown of offseason action and acquisitions, and some senseless starting eleven chatter. Your blue ballers for life will be with you every step of the way this Season Five - starting NOW. Don't stand up too fast: you've got Blue Balls.

Awaken from your slumber Blue Balligans, and jump on in to this mini-ep season fore(pointfive)play with the analytic critic Dummy Run. Trey holds his iphone to the mic to get Dummy's thoughts on statistical analysis in footy, why Dome is better than you think, a look ahead to the boys in blue, and introduces his new NYCFC blog The Outfield. We'll be back this week (yes this week!) with all things Blue Balls, but until then be sure to read up at theoutfield.org as well as following @thedummyrun and @outfieldnycfc on twitter. Did ya miss us you big lovable buffoons? Now you've got Blue Balls.

Happy New Year Blue Ball Drop-ers, and thanks for coming back to our last episode of season four. We begin the year by looking back, checking in on our world famous pre-season segment over/under and a new game that reveals where the heroes of NYCFC's historic first season are now. Of course, we set our resolutions for the future, chat Nazi's for the umpteenth, and boring MLS twitter. As our season ends our thanks go out to the team for continuing to host our meager podcast on game days, the players who have served the team well, our pubs for the companionship, the podluminatti, and most of all YOU for sticking around with us for four years. See you all in a few weeks for the preseason and have a happy 2019 blue ballers and ballerinas!

Greetings and warm wishes in the cold winter of our despair, Blue Ballers. At the conclusion of our Senior Year Campaign, for yet another season, our playoff hopes have been ignominiously dashed. Hold off on season retrospectives - we’ve got plenty of that coming down the pipeline - for now we want to talk about Atlanta, Dome, Villa, Berhalter and something the stans refer to as “Preath.” It’s a messy little monster of a show for the messy little monster that was the 2018 Pigeons, now mercilessly returned to their nests. Plus: a little nazi talk, a little inside podluminati baseball, and the Talking Points Theme Song. Slip on your loosest long johns - you’ve got Blue Balls.

Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here, Blue Ballers, and welcome to another week's miserable episode. The both sudden and inexorable death march to the playoffs is all but concluded after a three week break with a humiliating loss to hot-hot-hot DC United. It would be convenient to blame this match on the entirely different rules of physics inside the Wayne Rooniverse but instead Trey and Jake take another crack at unpacking our pale-looking Blues and discuss whether DomeOut has arrived a little too soon. Then: Is Villa in or out? Who saved the Columbus Crew? And of course, everyone's favorite elephant in the stands - Nazis. Will the front office's policy of Don't Ask Don't Tell provide the results they're expecting? We suggest: perhaps not! Call your rep and tell them NAZIS OUT OF YANKEE STADIUM - they're giving you Blue Balls.

Spooky season to you our Boooooo-ballers, and welcome back from our scary layoff. Jake and Trey sink their fangs in and take a spooky peek into the USA men and women, reviewing a bloody Concacaf Women's championship and the creepy cadaver that remains of the USA men. Then, we try not to get too grim-reaper when analyzing what has gone wrong for the boys in blue the past two months and carve into the snack-o-lantern that is Wayne Rooney's jump start DC United. That bloodcurdling scream in old man Stevens' rickety house? Just Blue Balls.

Grim tidings, Blue Ballers! Jake and Trey are back and apoplectic re: the state of NYCFC. With just two points out of a possible fifteen in the last five matches, are these the boys in blue we thought we knew? We break down blame among the players, in the front office, and of course under the new Gaffer. A man-by-man unpacking of DC's humiliating draw as well as constant reference to the muddy waters NYCFC has been treading for the last month. Blame it on the injuries, blame it on the schedule, but at the end of the day you gotta blame it on something fixable if you want to see a future forward. Part 1 of 2 - we're saving pre-cap and national talk till next week! Stay woke and don't choke - you've got Blue Balls.

Ahoy-hoy Blue Ballers and welcome back for another installment of the only NYCFC podcast, period! Jake and Trey are back to talk about the near-misses of the Canadian carnival of competitions our Boys in Blue just wrapped. What happened in Toronto? What happened to Vancouver? What is happening to our defense and why are we loaning out Saad Abdul-Salaam just at a moment when a little defensive depth wouldn't be unwelcome?? All these and more are talked about with just the hint of detail and insight. Then: the first weekend of Premier League action, some transfer mumbles, and the usual judgment-free jawing until a frenzied Philadelphia precap and a wink at the third of three Hudson River Rivalries to come. Measure twice & cut once - you've got Blue Balls.

Top of the crop top, blue ballers, and welcome back to the blue barty bus. Jake and Trey return in the thick thick summer air to recap the Orlando and Seattle games, probe at the weak spots, grumble about the schedule. Then: much discussion over how the sweaty season is going so far - including but not limited to injuries, lineup experiments, a Dome report card and even a Senseless Starting XI in the face of muchas lineup turnover in anticipation of the Vancouver match. Plus: the world cup is a thing which happened, I guess. Book your flight back from Russia and get an emergency exit seat -- you've got Blue Balls.

You all know the drill: Mini-pod, dueling monologues, Domé, Jo, blah blah blah. We'll be back and fully fit next week :D

Namaste children of the world and welcome to another rousing edition of two idiots with microphones, or as you have come to know as, Blue Balls! Jake and Trey are BACK to actually talking to EACH OTHER for the first time in a month and man did we have some catching up to do. We dive back into the Vieira tribute draw against ATL, the new skipper with a Pep in his step, all things Copa Mundial and a look ahead for this team's assault gestalt in cobalt. Like a red card in the third minute, you've got Blue Balls.

Bienvenue mes gars et mes poussins, we're back for part two this week, a mini-pod of sensible seesaw soliloquies from ya salacious bois. New format for this week, as Jake and Trey go back and forth, expounding on the unworthy in New Jersey, our midfield dilemma, the baby yanks, and what to expect from the dirty south visiting the burning Bronx. This shit will be regular soon, tons of love, and hold those nether regions tight, you've got blue balls.

Howdy Y'(b)all(ers), and welcome to another rousing edition of your favorite Pod Duo. Just kidding, only one pod bro on this part of episode 10. Trey sits down with return guest The Homie Steve to break down last weekend's action. We cover another Kreis humiliation, the return of Jlew, tactics and semantics, and unwisely tread into the P-chant issue. Come one, come all, you've got Blue Balls. (We'll be back later this week with Trey/Jake ya dinks.)

Ahoy all of you Pusha Ts and Teyana Taylors of the world, we are BACK and hope you are enjoying this GOOD Friday! Jake and Trey take the reigns again with an amuse-bouche of details and debaucheries. We cover the rainy romp of the Rapids, World Cup call-ups and international friendlies, strategies galore; everything. Oh, and is there a rumor everyone has been talking about? Hmm, who knows. Dive in, but avoid shrinkage, you've got Blue Balls.

Charmante a rendez-vous, blue ballons! Welcome back to the top of the league as NYCFC reclaim their rightful place as Top Team Not To Fuck With. Trey and Jake recap in the dead of the sudden summer the CRACKERJACK 3-1 victory that brought David Villa his 400th and 401st career goals - and the addition of a brand new word to his English arsenal (no pun intended) - milestone! THEN: Trey and Jake scramble for talking points and cover a whole slew of bullshit before pivoting into the pre-derby deep dive into the Team from New Jersey - anticipating what will surely be a Dead Reds Revolution if the boys and blue can pull it off. Better find a softer seat on the PATH - you've got Blue Balls.

Cheers and condolences blue ballers. It is with great regret that we commemorate the end to NYCFC's best ever unbeaten streak and best-ever start to the season, ended abruptly, unexpectedly, and brutally by a fiercer-than-anticipated counterpunching Portland machine. Trey and Jake break bread at a diner while they break down the breakdown. Then: international competitions, international politics, and interminable merchandising chatter. And; Dallas. Rock em, sock em, wash em, repeat: you've got Blue Balls.

Andiame, blue ballers, and welcome to the ever-extending unbeaten streak which is the NYCFC 2018 season. Two big matches in the book mean two big recaps in the booth. First, the 4-0 blowout that defanged Petke's stumbling Real Salt Lake -- then, the matchup of the season so far produces a nail-biting 2-2 draw against Atlanta United in the Georgian Coliseum that is Mercedes-Benz Stadium. Speaking of stadiums, no small chatter on the newest and arguably most real rumor mill yet of a stadium in the boroughs - this one in the south Bronx nested in a Harlem River Yards development project. It's... happening?? Find out what Trey and Jake think and drink on the subject and more. It's practically summer, and what better time to air 'em out -- you've got Blue Balls.

Ahoy hoy mes ballers bleus and welcome to another week of your favorite dysfunctional blue brodies. I, Trey, finally get to write a blurb and am brunch drunk so I would like to say, did you see that new Drake video? Olivia Wilde? Issa Rae? Misty Copeland? Rashida Jones? Tiffany Haddish looking like a snack? Emma RoBERTS? Oy Gevalt. Anyways, we re-cap a thrilling San Jose Away Day, chat injuries and special Z's. (Zlatans, duh.) And finally, we pre-cap a fiesty Salt Lake and parse out our odds at keeping this undefeated streak alive. Keep your friends close and enemies across the river, you've got blue balls.

Pop n lock, Blue Ballers, and welcome back for another week of ballboy madness. Trey and Jake break down the first draw of the season against New England, who somehow became the first opponent of 2018 that actually managed to watch some game tape and pursue the one obvious strategy we've never been able to handle for a full 90. Press or no press, we talk not just shrad-y goals but the shrad-est, life without the Ringmaster and the Rodfather, and the baffling managerial reluctance to use two subs in a wide open game against an inferior team. Just one man's opinion. Then: NWSL opening weekend, USMNT young gun appraisal, your weekly dose of john lewis-peculation, and a precap of a match against the potentially seismic Quakes. Shuffle those truffles - you've got Blue Balls.

Welcome Blue Ballers! In part 2 of this week's ep: USMNT intrigue! And a deep dive into the politics and the ball-itics of NWSL's upcoming sixth season, which opens for business this weekend - in which Trey finally picks a league team to root for. And then: just a little New England precap - gotta spend SOME time with the boys in blue. shouts to code name "Spirolateral" who singlehandedly lifted us out of poverty and into podcasting affluence with his generous donation. If you want to challenge him as our MVP (most valuable papa) mosey on over to cash.me/$blueballs and drop a sous or two in the tip jar! Is that burning sensation the acid bile of a Houston Dash without Christen Press? No, man, you've just got Blue Balls.

Pomp and circumstance, Blue Ballers! Your rude boys are back in the ballin' business, and let me tell you, business-is-a-boomin'. Jake & Trey jump on the horn to lustily recap which confirmed what we already know: NYCFC is this year's unstoppable force, without an immovable object in sight. We unpack how we deconstructed Orlando for a second clean sheet and a third three points in three games, including the notable absence of striker and captain extraordinaire David Villa - plus a fair and honest assessment of newcomers Izzy T-S and Saad A-S in their offensive and defensive roles, respectively. Also, Concacaf Champions rules! Tighten your scarves and hold onto your butts: you've got Blue Balls.

Welcome back, Blue Ballers. After an uncannily lost episode, an event which never happens and which in no way is holding back the show, your favorite ball boys are finally ready to start season four RIGHT. We recap an enervating 2-1 victory at home over LA Galaxy, the redemption of a much-maligned new DP-na, the emergence of a new Scandinavian superstar, and everything on our wish list for the 2018 season. Jake and Trey break down the new boys, the old boys, and one conspicuously missing boy. Then: all over MLS. La Liga partnerships. Concacaf Champions. A little USWNT recap. Some nasty talk with a short round of F/M/K. And, of course, a precap of the latest showdown with former gaffer Jason Kreis. Buckle that seatbelt and ride it high - you've got Blue Balls.

And just like that, MLS is back baby! No more slumming with the Champions League, no more Silly Season, just pure unadulterated American-ass soccer. And with the advent of spring, so come our Boys In Blue. Jake & Trey are hot on their heels with the annual over/under extravaganza and a precap of opening day's matchup against Sporting KFC. Will Medina swing a double-double? Will Patrick Vieira break his season ejection record? Will we ever keep a consistent release schedule? All these questions and your Twitter Qs are on the table, here on the victorious senior season of Blue Balls!

Like a friggin zombie dragon rising from an icy lake, your Boys In Blue return in the dead of winter for one last off-schedule preseason update. Trey and Jake are hot on the heels of an incredibly meaningless preseason series of games which have given absolutely nobody any useful information, with the hopeful exception of the Gaffer Himself, Patty Vi-Ergonomic Chair-a. We talk Medina, Haak-avani, Tinnerholm, and the probable Starting XI we saw match up against an equally-messy Montreal Impact for a 2-2 draw. Then: a couple talking points, the professional retirement of Inaugural Mainstay Chris Wingert, and the ever-present question: who will score a friggin dang old goal when David Villa departs this team, perhaps this game, but never our hearts? Rock 'em or sock 'em, you've got Blue Balls.

Wilkommen blau baller, and join us for some more fracas in our continuing dramatic offseason hegemony. In this episode, your blue boys are back as Jake returns from Israel to ask if the Jack Harrison hubbub is-real. We check the swag rating of the new transfer boys Izzy, Jo, and Ceddy Wap, and finish up with a post-draft post-mortem. Will our beloved Brit be birthplace bound? If so, we will be left as we leave you today, with Blue Balls.

Happy New Year Blue Ballers! Ya boiz are back for the first part of our offseason extravaganza. In this mini-ep, we cover our new DP3 and first coming of Jesus to bring us to post-season salvation. Then, an overview of the roster as it stands and our (lack of) knowledge of mid-southern geography. Make sure you're wearing two pairs of socks in this deep freeze, else you've got blue balls.

Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky, That does not bite so nigh As benefits forgot: Though thou the waters warp, Thy sting is not so sharp As friend remembered not. -John Stertzer, probably Anyways, we're back y'all, and we've got a lot to catch up on with you all. We hope to mend your winter malaise with some hot stove action, wrap about the roster cuts, look forward to a rerun of last year's MLS cup final, and oh so much more. Are you glad we're back? We hope so, you've got Blue Balls.

Ahoy-hoy Blue Ballers! Welcome back for another week of all things NYCFC. Jake & Trey record live, unintelligible commentary on the Atlanta-Columbus match in fevered anticipation of our two-legged playoff against the winner - who would turn out to be none other than the endangered Columbus Crew, fresh off their bout with us at Citi Field! We recap that bout and that field, discuss what the team looks like with all cylinders firing, take the temperature of the locker room post-match, and talk about what we can expect moving into playoffs season. Then: More discussion of Anthony Precourt, The Total Piece Of Shit Who Owns The Crew, a little end-season Hot Stove chatter, and of course: PLAYOFF BRACKETS and the two blowout matches that brought both Pink Cows & White Caps into the next round. Take a bathroom break at work and pop this pod on - everyone knows you've got Blue Balls.

It's been a hard few days, blue ballers, but your intrepid cohorsts have returned - as rain or shine, good times and bad, these blue balls keep swinging. Jake and Trey talk shop on a disappointing 2-1 loss that extends our one-goal-or-less streak to eight matches. Not exactly the form we want to be staring down the barrel of Decision Day facing, but our destiny is still in our hands and Jake & Trey break down some possible scenarios, some horrifying possibilities, and a forecast for the postseason future of this NYCFC squad. Plus: rabid chats on James Sands and the U-17 world cup, anxious speculation on Bruce Arena's ouster and the open manager slot yet to be filled, and of course a Columbus pre-cap that was recorded hours before the Columbus departure leak. See a tailor this weekend - you've got Blue Balls. (Also the audio is a little messed up hope you don't hate us byeeeee)

A subdued series of salutations to our Blue Ballers. ?The qualifier hangover is real and it may go on for days yet. Jake and Trey, recording literal minutes after the collapse of American men's soccer on an international stage, are here to talk shop. Marathon rants on the subject of What Happened and What Happens Next, followed by a little MLS shop talk and, yes, somehow, we manage to squeeze some NYCFC in there. Chicago last, New England next, Atlanta nipping at our heels and the threshold in the East all sealed up - it sure looks a lot like endseason. Put some ice on it, amigos. You've got blue balls. #gulatiout

Salutories, blue ballers. We offer you salutations but no solutions as we return to the airwaves with nothing but frustration with our East Hartford Boys In Blue as they leave two crucial points on the table against one of the least threatening sides in MLS. And the hard stuff is just getting started. Trey and Jake precap a scrappy Montreal and a hot Chicago Fire in anticipation of what promises to be a tough battle with the southern menace for the coveted No. 2 seed in the postseason. Plus: high Stakes for Belmont. Don't adjust your dial, adjust your inseam: you've got Blue Balls.

Ahoy there Blue Mateys, welcome back to another raucous fracas of your favorite Harlemites discussing the boys in azul. We start out Rapidly dismantling the bads and very-bads from this weekend's mile high heartbreak, followed by a rambunctious revisit of the front office's C*nnecticut Compunction. Also, Chanot-go? (PRE-Apol-chanot-gy.) And finally (graciously), we get into the X's and O's of this weekend's displace-a-thon against the Houston (say it right) Dynamo. L'Shanah Tovah, you've got Blue Balls.

Welcome, blue ballers, to the beautiful advancing tide of ritual death we know as SEPTEMBER. And with that tide of death, what else can you expect but the return of JAKE from the literary prison to which he was banished all those months ago? The boys are back together and the cock jokes prove it as JAKE and TREY recap the end of the Hudson River Derby, Villa injury concerns, and meticulously evaluate all thirty one stadium location options. Then: a collective gulp and a precap for a midweek SKC confrontation. Either you're just happy to see us, or else you've got Blue Balls.

Hujambo Bluu Mipira, got those hiking boots ready for the long day's journey into... wait how many miles away are we talking about? The homie and resident New Yawker breaks down the "home" game move with Trey, as well as dwelling on the positive covering our recent success. Then... wait, we have to play the R*dbulls again? And is Jake ever going to come back?? Answers to all these and more coming through. Hold on to your Yangels, you've got blue balls.

Buon fine settimana mio Blue Ballers, and thanks for tuning in to yet another raucous episode. With the cryptic blog post of Andrea Pirlo's girlfriend heralding the immanent return of Jake, Trey brings yet another special guest in friend of the pod and podcast veteran Andrew Kaberline. We navigate a corrupted audio file halfway through, though not ignoring our staple home win against the conglomerate heifers. We also tap into journalistic integrity, "NYCFCFC", and quickly preview our cross country cosmic foe the LA Galaxy. Hold on to your butts, you've got Blue Balls. Special thanks to Andrew, whose plugs are: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/cpt-presents-jerk-or-the-stimulation-of-self-drama#/ http://cptjerk.bpt.me/

Oh David V., Oh David V. The Eastern Table's changing Oh David V., Oh David V. A Cup would be amazing With Brillant's head and Lewis' shoes Our scoring chances are not few Oh David V., Oh David V. They're Fire, you were blazing Dear Santa, Please bring all of our injured players new ligaments and bones, our city a new Stadium, TAM, GAM, some Honey Ham, (Oh, and Pirlo wants a bottle of wine) -Blue Balls

Bon fin de semais mon blue ball-ettes, but NOT so bon for our boys in bleu. After a disappointing loss to the Canadian Alabaster Triagonals, Trey was still listless and panicky without a cohost with whom to rant. Luckily (Luka-ly) an oh so willing C.M. Brandon from MLSFemale.com (@Lukacharms) swooped in via speaker phone to help co-wallow in despair. This week we talked the keys to bouncing back, a freezing hot stove, and jump right into the most terrifying stretch of the season by looking up toward the pack leaders: Toronto and Chicago. Sprinkled in was a festive holiday game you can play along with at home while cradling your pup and a gimlet. Don't forget to make it a double, you've got blue balls. (Special thanks to our guest C.M. Brandon of MLSFemale.com! :D)

Jambo Smurfballers, your favorite red 100 emoji in podcast form is back in action and down to whiskey business this week with a special guest. Martin Bihl of Last Word on Soccer joins lone baller Trey in an especially long winded and raucous episode harkening back to the podcast's roots. From whispers to riff-raff, loquaciousness to temperance, this chapter really covers all of the bases (har har). We begin by delving into Martin's inconspicuous and unorthodox journalistic approach, then sift through all of the glorious reasons why the boys in azul took over the sister state while reflecting on what the not-monster-energy-crew could have done right. Then, meaningless mid-season platitudes and the slowest lightning round that ever was before previewing our upcoming clash against the newest and chippy-est expansion team the Great Lakes have ever seen. And yes, like a PATH train ticket line on a Saturday afternoon, this episode is unnecessarily long. Inflate us and bring us to The Rockaways, you've got blue balls.

Lost and alone, and forever afraid bluebrodies and bluegallies. Trey here, sans Jake (who is trapped in an interdimensional vortex via Pirlo's autobiography), and even the minute being trapped in the top of a tower with nothing but a typewriter that writes these episode descriptions is at Rehoboth Beach with his buddies for the time being. But my loneliness' constant approach has been quelled for the moment when none other than Mike from pod-powerhouse Blue City Radio came to save the day with the fruition of a MEGA-POD. Jake magically imprinted a prelude from page 65 of his personal hell hole, then Mike and I jump into an extra long ruckus starting with Rivalry Week (tm) media day, and bouncing between our US Open Cup dismay, Supersonic redemption, and the Derby of which we're all secretly very nervous. We even hit Stertzer-ghazi and a fun NBA Draft fact as well. Strap-in, hang tight, and let loose; you've got Blue Balls. (EXTRA BIG THANKS to the sui generis Mike from Blue City Radio, check them out, and stay tuned in the fyutch for more CityPGL)

Habari, blue ballinkas, and welcome to another week of your favorite NSFW flawed-cast. A fabulous and dramatic result has your boys in top form - plus, the addition of Twitter-Verified Gaby Fucking Kirschner should put a smile on any dedicated blue baller's face. After a spirited recap of a Philly game she didn't watch, Gaby joins us in earnest to preview the first Hudson River Derby of the season - a Lamar Hunt Open Cup jaunt to Harrison that nobody wants to see happen. We talk about Red Bull woes and Marsch-holes, as well as the ever-increasing depth challenges our team will be reckoning with after the break. We hit some ambiguous talking points, play some ambiguous Senseless Starting XI, and make some unambiguous jokes about animal genitals. Then, a Sounders precap - and a sudden tragedy ensures that Blue Balls may never be the same. After all, what good are your Red Members when you've got Blue Balls?

Buonaserra, blue ballers. Welcome back to another week of nycfc babble. A disappointing week gives us 1 point in 2 games, and Jake and Trey are revved up and ready to break down what happened. Is Alex Callens overrated? Did Patrick Vieira mismanage a one goal lead? Then: John Lewis, Andrea Pirlo, Yangel Herrera, and a brand new Ring has been forged. Then: Philly in Yankee Stadium this weekend. Spread in the sunshine, amigos - you’ve got Blue Balls.

Ni hao, blue ballers. Thanks for joining us for another week of pod-rapture, especially on the celebratory atmosphere last weekend's BIG BIG MATCHUP against expansion rivals Orlando City. But before we get ahead of ourselves, Trey and Jake stay humble by recapping an EMBARRASSING 2-1 loss to Mike Petke's crippled RSL team, featuring a first-ever NYCFC goal from our USL sidepiece, Sean "Ugo" Okoli. We run down the culprits and ask the hard questions - namely, will we ever see Freddie Brilliant get starting minutes again? Then it's on to Florida where we knocked Jason Kreis' purple people down a peg, ending their unbeaten-at-home streak and recovering some momentum just in time for an upcoming match against Atlanta on THEIR home turf. Plus: open cup, manners in management, and rehashed points from @CityPGL. Take your coat off and stay awhile - you've got Blue Balls.

Welcome back, blue ballers! Half the balls for half the downtime! You might even call this podcast a mono-ball. I wouldn't, because that's gross. But what do I know, I'm an enslaved halfling gnome who was taught how to type by a wizard. Trey and Jake do a sloppy-ass rush job to unpack a hard-fought draw against FC Dallas, The Young Talented Team That Nobody Will Shut Up About. Trey explains why Tommy McNamara is still great even though he isn't much of a defensive mid, and Jake accepts that Maxi Moralez deserves as much love as he's gotten as more. And: is Ben Sweat a liability? (Answer: maybe). Then, a crackling round of "Guess Who's Mormon" and a respectful assessment of a Salt Lake team under Mike Petke that looks DOA. Get your inseam adjusted - you've got Blue Balls.

Alors, blue ballers extraordinaire! Welcome to this week's Blue Balls. A bit of a truncated ep this week but therefore it's JAM-PACKED with info, stats, and dick jokes! And being that I am the slave gremlin atop a tower who writes the show descrips, locked in a 3x5 cage kept atop a tower, I know a thing or two about jam-packed. We break down the merciless and assassin-like unmanning of Atlanta United's high-press heavy team to pull away a 3-1 victory. Trey and Jake pick the Alex Ring of the Match, chat accidental goals, and try not to get too giddy about the Team That We're Becoming. Then: Pirlo Party Pundit Policing, Part P-two: "ptoo!" and a little teeth gnashing about what to do when Yangel's gone. Finally, a precap of our biggest challenge since the last biggest challenge: FC Dallas' much heralded young gun goon squad. Crack a cold one open and hold it between your thighs: you've got Blue Balls.

Aloha, blue ballers! Welcome to another week of NYCFC goodness. And WHAT a good week it is, coming off of an unexpected 3-2 victory against a formidable Columbus Crew. Jake and Trey, raised from the dead, chat about the young boys who drove the truck this week - Daddy Yangkee, Jack Flash, and Sweat & Wild. Then, Trey dresses down the Pirlo Party Poopers and we preview Atlanta's arguably scariest offense in the East and hypothesize how to piece them apart in Yankee Stadium. Close your eyes and think about statistics -- you've got Blue Balls.